


Out Here On My Own

by CLADD



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Dirty Talk, F/M, Healing, Negan (Walking Dead) is an automatic warning, Oral Sex, Pain for pleasure, Panty Kink, Past Rape/Non-con, Rimming, Sex, Spit Kink, Swearing Violence Sex Fluff Angst All Rolled Into One Story (typical fan fiction)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-03-13 04:11:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 251,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13562541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CLADD/pseuds/CLADD
Summary: "Gigi was annoyed with the fact that he had already made up his mind about what her place should be. She definitely didn’t take kindly to someone trying to control her. Especially not after what she had been through in the last several weeks. He might control this place, but he wasn’t going to control her. She decided to fuck with him. Just a little."





	1. Out Here On My Own

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DaisySouthmoore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisySouthmoore/gifts).



> This is my first attempt at a true multi chapter fic, and it's turned into a monster! I couldn't ship Negan with anyone on the show, so I created an original character. I have fallen in love with her. She is strong, brave, intelligent and sexy. I hope that you will like her, too! I tend to write the Negan that spent time with Carl in his apartment, and chatted with Sasha in the cell, who's also ruthless when he needs to be. You'll have to let me know what you think! :0D I value any constructive criticism! 
> 
> Thanks to my beta, CharlotteAshmore, who is an inspiration to me.
> 
> I am gifting this work to Daisy Southmoore, since her Negan fics are above and beyond the realm of fanfiction. If you haven't read her stuff, go check it out. She's an incredibly gifted writer.

“Scuffle ahead.” Simon took his foot off of the gas and motioned with his index finger while he held onto the steering wheel of the truck, pointing to the figures at the far end of an overpass they were about to cross. There was one woman, and there were three dead. Two would reach her about the same time, the other straggled ten feet behind due to a gimpy leg.

“I see it,” Negan replied animatedly, leaning forward to squint out the front window. “Perfect timing! Get a little closer. Looks like we’re in for a fucking show!”

Simon slowed the truck, stopping at a distance which would give him enough space to maneuver the truck around the handful of bodies, if necessary. The petite woman tossed her backpack to the side. She shuffled her feet to position herself,  then stilled, reaching down to her sides to unsheath her weapons. The one at her right hand caught Negan’s eye, as she gave the wrist a slight twist and pulled what looked to be some sort of dagger from a cylindrical sheath on her belt. Her left hand held a huge ass fucking bowie knife.

As two of the roamers got closer to her, she bent at the knees a bit, giving her small frame more stability, swinging both arms like pendulums, in a low arc in front of herself. She did this twice as the dead ones approached her, her arms crossing at the wrists in front of her and then moving back out to stop outside of her hips, the blades of her knives parallel to her body, pointing outward.

“Should we help her?” Simon asked in a low voice, not taking his eyes off of her.

“Give her a minute,” Negan replied, fascinated with the scene in front of him. If she couldn’t handle a few fucking dead ones, she wasn’t worth their time.

When the threats were less than 5 feet away from her, she made her move, and Negan and Simon watched as she took two steps forward, her arms swinging and crossing in front of her body again, but this time they continued in their circles inward and up, then arced out and away from her body once her hands passed her shoulders. The motion was lightening fast, and forceful, effectively shoving aside two hands reaching for her and then embedding the blades of her weapons in the closest ear of each walker.

The two bodies dropped like stones as the third threat approached. She used the gravity of their fall, and a yank of her arms to pull the blades from the heads of her victims, staying bent at the waist. When corpse number three was close enough, she pivoted on her back foot just so and kicked her front leg out, making quick work of the gimpy leg and then putting the decayed woman out of her eternal misery with a knife in the eye.

“Fuck, yes!” Negan grinned at Simon with raised eyebrows.

___________

Her mother had been a lover of all things French, so had named her only child Gigi after a French character in a 1950’s American movie musical of the same name. As a little girl, Gigi told anyone who would listen about the origin of her name, because it was so cool to be named after a movie character. Especially one so glamorous. The title character was played by the beautiful Leslie Caron, and in the movie, her namesake wore beautiful clothes, had a beautiful home and a grandmother and great aunt who were grooming her for a life in high society. The handsome male lead even sang a song, “ _Gigi”_ , about how much he loved her.

It was all so romantic, in her mind, and her name even _sounded_ beautiful, since her mother insisted that everyone pronounce it with a soft g sound, like the French do. It sounded foreign and exotic, especially when compared to the names of her best friends Ann and Debbie.

Gigi dreamt of a day when a handsome man would sing to her, professing his love. Of course she would be wearing a stunning gown with feathers on the drop sleeves, just like her movie counterpart, when this happened. She was destined to a have a beautiful, romance-filled life to match her beautiful name.   


It wasn't until they were in junior high school that Ann and Debbie told her Lisa Mills overheard their other friend Jennie talking, and Jennie’s mom said Gigi should be horrified her mother had named her after a prostitute. Gigi _was_ horrified, since she had no idea the movie character was actually being trained to be a courtesan.

Word had quickly spread around the school about her ill-fated name and life at Annandale Junior High School had become absolutely unbearable for her, for a good three months. Just when she’d thought she couldn't take  the teasing anymore, the strapless top of Lisa Mills’ dance costume had gotten pulled down by accident during the student talent show, exposing her boobs to a few hundred students and their parents. It had been the talk of the school for the next several months. Gigi had never been so grateful for faulty elastic.

She pondered this part of her past as she walked down the road in northern Virginia. She smiled, remembering her mother’s response when she’d very dramatically bemoaned her name choice, telling her that her life was absolutely ruined now everyone knew she was named after a hooker.

 _“C’est la vie, Mon Cherie! C’est la vie!_ This too shall pass.” She’d held her daughter’s cheeks in her hands, looking very sympathetic, kissed her forehead and then flitted out of the room with her feather duster, leaving Gigi and her father staring at each other, speechless.

Her father had soon followed her mother, and she’d shaken her head as she’d overheard her father admonish, “Really, Caroline? A prostitute?” Apparently her father was not overly familiar with fifties movie musicals either.

Now that the world had ended, Gigi found her name a stark contrast to her reality. This world was no place for pretty French pronunciation and romantic dreams of crooning lovers, when she struggled every day to simply survive. She lived in a world where she wore dirt crusted clothing and stunk from the combination of the blood of rotting bodies and not being able to bathe for a month. A world where she regularly killed something - and sometimes _someone -_ without pause.

She shook her head at the thought as a small group of dead ones came into her line of vision in the middle of the road in front of her. She was standing at the beginning of a short overpass, and the dead were about one hundred feet from stepping on to the far end of it. They hadn’t spotted her yet, so she took a few seconds to decide her best course of action. There were only three of them, but she didn’t know how many were hidden from view just beyond the treeline in the woods on the other side of the bridge.

She needed to decide whether it would expend less energy to outrun them, or fight them. She could lead them to one side of the bridge and skirt around them at the last minute if she could muster the energy. She was tired. So goddamn tired. And hungry. She had been traveling on her own for over a week, and had run out of food the day before. Run out of food, meaning run out of the stale granola bars she had eaten, one half per day for the previous six days. She hated granola bars.

She continued to walk in their direction, picking up the pace to try to avoid dealing with them on the overpass. She wanted escape options. She could tell when they caught sight of her, or got a whiff of her because their heads turned to focus on her and they stopped ambling and started to shuffle towards her with purpose.

The faint sound of a vehicle on the road behind her shifted her body into fight or flight mode, jacking up her energy and sharpening her clarity, even more than the dead ones did. She could take these three wasted down quietly, but if they had more buddies in the woods, the sound of the oncoming vehicle would draw them out. She could take on six to eight dead ones if they were spaced to her advantage, but she would go down quickly if they caught her in the middle of the pack.

She didn’t have enough lead time to put down the dead, cross the bridge, and dodge into the woods to evade whoever was in the truck. She tried to assess which was the bigger threat. After the nightmare of the last five weeks of her life, she didn’t even have it in her to hope whoever was in the the truck wasn't a threat. No matter how this went down, she was going to get caught between the truck and the walking corpses.

She couldn't worry about it now, because the dead ones were entering her space.

______________

During the slaughter, three more bodies emerged from the tree line at the end of the overpass, now behind the woman. Negan and Simon were impressed when their new heroine put the closest of the new roamers down with a knife up under its jaw, not fully turning to look at it first, but using her peripheral vision. She couldn’t turn, because there was another coming at her from another angle. If she turned to the first, the second would definitely get his hands on her. She put down number two with a blade In the ear. In the meantime, three more corpses stepped onto the bridge.

“Need a hand?” Negan called as he opened the truck door, grabbed his bat and stepped out, walking around to the driver’s side of the truck, closer to her. Simon was amused when, without looking at him, the woman jerked her arm up impatiently, showing his boss the palm of her hand, gesturing for him to be quiet and still. Negan chuckled softly as he leaned back against the door, as she took out the other two dead ones.

She was fucking amazing, using motion to create force. A running start then a jump, kicking out her foot to knock one down, swinging her torso and twisting at the waist to add power behind the swing of her arm to add additional force to drive her blade into it’s skull. Another running start to push one back, while she stabbed number two in the ear with a swing of her arm as the one she pushed back approached her again.

When the last dead one grabbed her from behind, Negan marveled as she hunched herself forward, curving her back as much as the deadly grip allowed, and then he could see a wave of motion run up her spine from her tailbone and throw her shoulders back and out. It arched her body backwards, plowing her head and shoulders into one shoulder of her attacker with force enough to make it lose its grip on her shirt, shoving it backward so she could turn and finish it off. Each time she drove in her knife, her defined biceps flexed to aid her. She was petite, but she was a goddamn power house.

“I think I just fucking came in my pants a little,” he said out of the side of his mouth to Simon, through the window.

“I’d say me too, but that would just be weird,” his sidekick responded. “Even if it’s true.”

Negan laughed as the woman turned to him, swaying a bit with the effort. She was breathing heavily, and seemed worn out from her short but aggressive work out. Keeping her distance of twenty feet, her eyes darted from him, to the cab of the military transport truck, and then to its covered bed, assessing for possible threats.

He could see she was emaciated, and wondered how long she had been on her own on the road. She was wearing a pair of work boots with jeans which were too big, cut off and unraveling at the ankles, and what used to be a very gaudy Hawaiian shirt which swallowed her small form. The sleeves were rolled up onto her shoulders, and she had knotted it’s extra length below her waist. He was curious about the strips of fabric, obviously cut from somewhere on her shirt, that were wrapped and tied around her wrists. The apocalypse wasn’t the place for a fucking fashion statement, with matching accessories.

Every spot of skin bared to the light of day was covered in dirt, or splattered with the blood of the dead, as were her clothes. Her hair was dark brown, spotted with some lighter strands around her face. It was pulled into a ponytail at the back of her neck, greasy tendrils having worked loose from the elastic falling at her shoulders. It was hard to tell through the filth, whether the deep lines between her brows and around her mouth were from stress or age.

_______________

“Well _that_ was fucking impressive!” The man complimented her in an over enthusiastic voice as he took a few steps in her direction.

He had an air of authority which couldn’t be missed. He was handsome, and also very confident, Gigi thought to herself as he looked her over with an amused smirk. _A leather jacket? It’s eighty degrees out here. Is he nuts? And what’s with the red scarf? Who wears a cravat in the middle of the apocalypse?_

She’d give him points, though, for his weapon of choice, a bat wrapped in barbed wire. _Ouch_. She watched as he looked her over, and she tried to formulate an attack and escape plan should things go south. She kept her eyes on his the whole time he assessed her, catching  his gaze as he finally looked back up to her face, letting him know she was aware of his assessment of her.

“You alone out here?” bat man asked her.

“Aren’t we all, really?” she returned, evading his question. She flicked her blades out to the side to rid them of excess gunk. She walked a few feet to her backpack, and using the fingers which weren’t occupied, she untied a dirty bandana from one of its straps, keeping the man in her line of vision as she did so. She wiped the bowie knife off with it, then wiped it on the leg of her jeans once more for good measure, and resheathed it. She took her time with the second implement,  carefully twisting it as she moved the rag from the handle to the tip so as not to cut through the cloth. The man looked at her, furrowing his brow, asking her a question without talking.

“Tri-blade dagger.” She answered. He was obviously not familiar with them, so she went on.  “Not always convenient when you need to go through a hard skull, due to the twisted blade, but any place softer is fine. Wickedly fatal for the living due to the speed of blood loss from three blades. If I put a spin on it when I throw it at you, you bleed out in minutes.”

He raised his eyebrows, a smirk forming on his lips, as he processed the information. After several seconds he nodded his head, indicating he was impressed with both the threat and the dagger. She gave it a little twist back into its threaded sheath and then looked at him, finally giving him her full attention, like she had nothing better to do.

“Let me rephrase my original question,” the man continued with a charming smile.  “Do you need a place to rest? You look like you could use a goddamn meal. No fucking offense.”

“You have a place close by?” Gigi kept her voice neutral so it wouldn't be clear if she was interested, or simply fishing for information.

“It's just a few ticks up the road.” Bat man used his weapon to point the way, taking several steps in her direction. “We're headed back there now.”

“How many people?” When he was about ten feet away from her, she put her hands back on the handles of her weapons, signaling her distrust.

Bat man’s eyes never left hers as he lifted his empty hand in a gesture of passivity. “A lot,” he answered vaguely.

“Are there any women?” She looked from him to the man in the cab of the truck.

The man furrowed his eyebrows a bit as he thought about her question, pursing his lips and sucking air through his teeth. Resting his bat on his shoulder, he walked back to the truck, knocking on the side with his knuckles. “Arat! Laura!”

Two women jumped out of the truck, automatics in hand, walking over to bat man and giving him their rapt attention. If they saw her there, ten feet away, they did not acknowledge it. Their focus was solely on the man with the bat, who was obviously in charge.

“My new friend here would like to talk to you both,” he told them, looking at Gigi to include her in on the conversation, locking his eyes on hers. “Tell her anything she wants to know.”

 _What a player,_ Gigi thought to herself.  He was trying to gain her trust by offering his, in the form of supposedly unlimited information. She raised her eyebrows at him just a bit with an expression that told him she wasn’t stupid. She new the women wouldn’t give up any important information.

Gigi was surprised he stayed by the truck, turning to talk to the driver through the window while the young women walked towards her, one a skinny blonde, the other dark haired with caramel skin. Pretty.

“Hey,” Pretty greeted her, introducing herself with a simple, “Arat.”

The blonde simply tipped up her chin a hair as a hello, eyeing Gigi’s hands, which were still holding on to the handles of her weapons. Gigi relaxed herself a bit giving up her defensive posture. If she wanted answers from these girls she better make nice. She let go of the bowie knife, keeping the other hand close to her dagger.

These women didn’t scream danger, but she wasn’t going to let down her guard. “So you’re Laura.” Gigi gave the women a small smile to break the tension, putting on an air of being relieved to talk to them, letting them keep their power.

“I’m Gigi,” she nodded in the direction of the man with the bat. “He's the man in charge? Where you live?”

Both women nodded in response.

“He treat you well?” Gigi asked. Again, a nod was the response.

“You have food, medical care?”

“Yep. Anything you want,” Laura replied.

“Anything?”

“Yeah. Anything.”

Gigi nodded, making sure to looked impressed. “He said you have a lot of people. As many women as men?” Gigi asked. The two women looked at her, perplexed by the question.

“More men than women,” the dark haired one answered.

“Are you safe there?”

“We're in an abandoned building. Surrounded by fences,” Laura answered. “We have guards.”

“No. I meant, are you safe _inside_ the fences? Are _women_ safe, living there?”

The two women finally put Gigi’s clues together, and dark hair responded, “Very. Negan doesn’t tolerate….disrespect towards women. Everyone knows it.”

“There are rules,” Blondie added.

Gigi nodded at them, satisfied with their response. “How far away is your place?” she asked, walking over to pick up her backpack. Her adrenaline was wearing off, and fatigue and hunger were setting in again. Pain was searing across her back, as well.  She knew she didn’t have a choice, other than to go with them. She’d have to take the chance. She was out in the middle of nowhere without a map. She was out of food and water and didn’t know when she’d find more. She was tired and injured, and she needed a place to recoup. To rest and heal so she could head back out on the road again on her search.

She walked towards the truck, stopping a few feet from the only person who mattered in this party of five. “I’m Gigi,” she introduced herself to the man with the bat, pronouncing her name with a soft g sound.

“Gigi,” Negan repeated. “That’s a beautiful name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I picture Gigi, I picture a combination of Sandra Bullock, Julianna Margulies, Halle Berry, some Hilary Burton and maybe a little bit of you? ;)
> 
> Gigi's weapon of choice- https://www.knifecenter.com/item/MT1057TI/microtech-105-7ti-titanium-jagdkommando-fixed-7-tri-edge-dagger-bead-blast-finish-black-aluminum-sheath 
> 
> From the movie Gigi. One of the images under "photos" is of Gigi in her ivory gown with feathers on the drop sleeves - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051658/


	2. Sometimes I Wonder Where I've Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Negan wondered if the perpetrator of her wounds was still alive. This woman had obviously been through some shit and he suspected she’d come out on top of it."

_ Two weeks ago _

Turning away from his body, she started to put his clothes on quickly, knowing she may not have much time until the other two returned. It was more of a struggle than she thought it would be to get the clothes off of the dead weight, but she couldn’t run into the night stark naked, even if she would be alone. 

She hissed with pain as she slid Avery’s ugly ass Hawaiian shirt across her back, thrusting her arms through the sleeves. The wounds there were still open and raw. She was standing there nude, except for the shirt, when she heard the door to the cabin open. _Shit!_ _How did she not hear the truck pull up?_

“Hey, dickhead!” Len called from the front room . “We found some good shit! Bobby’s unloading the gas cans into the shed, then we can eat. Found some good canned stuff today!” Gigi heard him drop something heavy onto the table. 

She knew it would be less than a minute before he came looking for Avery, since he hadn’t answered. If Len took one step into the bedroom, he would see the dead man on the floor. She didn’t have time to put the pants on before she decided to try the oldest trick in the book. Grabbing her victim’s hunting knife, she positioned herself behind the partially open bedroom door, hoping she could attack him from behind. Hoping she had enough time to embed the knife in his skull before he realized what was happening. He was three times her size, so the advantage of the element of surprise would help.

She thanked God Len was too stupid to realize he was vulnerable when he walked into the room and spotted Avery on the floor dead, and stripped down to his briefs. “What the…?” 

He took two steps towards the body, putting him in a perfect position for Gigi to take a step and drive the knife up into the back of his brain. 

The minute Len dropped she grabbed Avery’s jeans, pulling them up her legs hurredly while she stumbled to the corner to grab her backpack and her Timberlands, which had been thrown there. She wondered where her own clothes were, the ones she’d been wearing when they’d brought her to the cabin. She looked through the pack quickly to check its contents. The assholes had rifled through it when they’d first brought her to the cabin, but luckily nothing in it was of interest to them other than her flashlight and they’d tossed the bag aside. She was thankful they hadn’t searched all of the pockets and found the meds stash she had scavenged from a small pharmacy close to her home. She was going to need them.

Continuing to listen for any sign of Bobby’s return, she made her way back to dead Len, jerking his belt off so she could take back her prized tri blade hanging from it. She also decided she wanted his bowie knife. She had to remove the tri blade sheath in order to pull the end of the belt through his pants loops. She unscrewed the sheath and dropped it in her bag, planning  to carry the dagger in her hand, and then quickly stuffed the oversized belt, with the bowie knife and sheath still attached, into her pack since it was too big for her to wear.  

She took inventory of the room, spying one of the lengths of rope which had bound her to the bed. Gigi quickly cut a length to act as a belt for her oversized pants, and stuffed the remaining part of it in her bag for the road. She spared time by threading it only through two loops of the jeans, at each hip, and cinched it tightly. She’d worry about the rest later. 

She leaned against the wall long enough to pull on her work boots she retrieved from the corner of the room, tying them quickly, and stuffing Avery’s socks in her pocket. She took one last look at both men, then turned turned to make her way into the main area of the cabin. She knew she was taking a chance Bobby would come through the door, but she had to grab food for her bag.

Unfortunately, what Lenny had dropped on the table was not the canned food he mentioned, but a box of odds and ends which would be useless to her out on the road. It was obvious they had decided to make a run for supplies today because they were down to a can of corn, a few bottles of water, and a handful of granola bars.

She tossed it all into her pack, the weight not too heavy to manage on the road. She spied her flashlight, and a couple of lighters and stuffed those in her bag as well.

She was pulling a can opener out of a kitchen drawer when she heard the truck door slam shut in the distance, and the sound of the engine revving. She thanked the divine one again for her luck as she realized Bobby was pulling the truck closer to the house from the shed a hundred feet away, which bought her a minute of time. She should stay, and kill him, but now that escaping from the depraved asshole was a sure thing, she couldn't stand the thought of being in close proximity to him again.

She ran quickly back into the bedroom, shoving the opener inside her pack and zipping it as she moved. She pushed up a window to open it, dropping her backpack straight down so she wouldn't have to struggle to find it in the dark.

Gigi threw one leg over the windowsill, making sure to position her dagger so she didn't cut herself. Not that one more cut would matter much. Bending her torso and her other leg to fit through the opening, she jumped to the ground six feet below. She quietly ran off into the night, bag on her shoulder, dagger in her hand, leaving hell behind. 

________________

Negan scrutinized the woman further as she introduced herself. Now that she was closer, he could see the faded yellow of old bruises on her throat and along one side of her jaw.  As she turned to head for the back of the truck, a wary look took over his face. The back of her Hawaiian shirt was streaked with vertical lines of fresh blood matching, he now realized, older brown stains on the shirt.

“You’re fucking bleeding.” He didn't say Gigi’s name. He knew who he was addressing would be understood. 

Arat and Laura, who were walking in front of the woman, turned back to face her, subtly blocking her path. All three of the strangers suddenly were on edge, assuming that she had been bitten or scratched. The evidence of previous bleeding didn't make sense, though, Negan realized. If she were bitten she would be sick or dead by now. 

“Knife wounds,” Gigi explained, turning back to him face him. She realized they weren't going to let her into their truck without knowing for sure. Dropping the backpack in her hand, she untied the knot in the front of her shirt.  Unbuttoning a few buttons at the bottom, she gingerly lifted the back up for the two women behind her so they could see several inches of her lower back. 

“Laura said you have someone who can patch me up?” she asked Negan as the girls looked at her wound. The expression on her face was neutral, but he could see a flash of something in her eyes as she broke eye contact with him, looking over her shoulder to see if Arat and Laura had seen enough. Anger? Embarrassment? He couldn’t be sure. They nodded at Negan, giving him the okay. 

“Doctor Carson will take care of you,” he told her. 

Gigi buttoned her shirt and picked up her bag, turning to continue to the truck. She didn’t see the looks which passed between the other two women when she bent to reach for her backpack, Laura with a frown, mouthing “Oooooh”, and Arat shaking her head sympathetically. 

Negan caught the women’s sentiments, though. He wondered if the perpetrator of the wounds was still alive. This woman had obviously been through some shit and he suspected she’d come out on top of it. 

_What a fucking spitfire!_ he thought to himself, grinning as he got into the cab of the truck. _And I'm going to harness the fucking heat coming off of her!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying my baby so far. If you have time to review, I'd love to hear from you! <3


	3. Who I  Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The seemingly genuine concern in his voice surprised her. He sounded like he actually cared. She pushed sentiment aside as the vision of his people kneeling, and his elite legion of Neganites came to her mind. This man was smart, self assured and extremely charismatic, which could be an extremely dangerous combination.
> 
> The next several chapters are long ones, so settle in for some reading time my lovelies.

Gigi climbed into the back of the army truck, and slid onto one of the benches which ran the length of each side, opposite Laura and Arat. The truck was about one quarter full of boxes, the contents of which were hidden from view.

It was as if her body knew she was safe for the moment. She could feel some of the tension from being in a constant state of high alert for the last several weeks, beginning to fade. She gave the women a weary smile as the truck started to move.

“Don’t worry,” Laura comforted her. “We’ll get you fixed up. Doctor Carson will look you over.  You’ll be just like new. We’ll get you some clean clothes, something to eat, let you clean up.”

“Sad to say I don’t know which is most appealing at this point,” Gigi replied, shaking her head. She appreciated the attempt at comfort. “Yes I do. I’d give my left arm for a shower.”

“No kidding. You’re kind of rank,” Arat smiled, ribbing her. The three of them laughed as Gigi shrugged her shoulders and raised her eyebrows as if to say, _What can you do?_

She turned her head then, to look out the back of the truck as they moved, trying to avoid more conversation. She tried to find a spot to lean her head, without hurting her back, as the need to close her eyes and rest became overwhelming. God, she must be tired if she was thinking of resting in the presence of these complete strangers. By the time it dawned on her this wasn’t simple fatigue taking her over, it was too late.

_____________

“She passed out right after we started moving,” Laura informed Negan when they arrived back at the Sanctuary. She and Arat saw the woman’s eyes flutter shut as she had taken a nosedive off of the bench of the truck. Luckily they caught her before she hit the floor, easing her way down to lay on her stomach. Laura had checked her pulse and breathing, and once she realized the woman had just passed out, they put her backpack under her head to soften the jolts of the moving truck.

“Ahh, fuck,” he sighed after gently slapping her cheeks to see if she would come around. “Let’s get her to Carson. I hope she wasn’t a waste of my fucking time.”

The women pulled Gigi by the arms to the edge of the truck bed, careful not to let her head hit anything. They dropped the gate, and looked at each other, trying to decide how best to move her.

“Get the fuck out of the way,” Negan ordered. “She can’t weigh more than a hundred pounds. I’ve got it.” He maneuvered her dead weight into position effortlessly, and picked her up in a fireman’s hold over his shoulder.

“Fat Joseph!” he called to one of several men who were making their way to the truck to help unload boxes, “Lead the way to Carson’s office. Hold the fucking doors open for me.”

____________________

“She’s dehydrated,” Doctor Carson explained Negan as he lightly pinched the skin on Gigi’s arm, the skin staying elevated even after he let it go. “Malnourished, from the looks of her.” He turned her skinny arm in his hand, noting faded bruises on her bicep. He checked her other arm and then moved to her jaw and throat to inventory the bruising there. Grabbing a pair of scissors off of the table, the doctor cut the strips of fabric covering her wrists, removing them gently.

Negan reached out to turn one wrist in his hand. “Holy shit.” There was a two inch wide bracelet of blisters, abrasions and bruising around each wrist, in varying stages of healing. This woman had been tied up for a period of time. He frowned at the thought.

“She has some nasty knife wounds on her back,” Negan informed him, her wrists serving as a reminder for him to tell the doctor. “Patch her the fuck up. I need her at one hundred percent. Treat her like a fucking VIP.” The doctor nodded at him as he checked her pupils with his penlight.

The man in charge turned to leave. He picked up his bat, lovingly named Lucille, from her position leaning against the wall where Fat Joey had left her. He was down the hall twenty feet when he realized he still had her backpack on his shoulder. He walked back to the doctor’s makeshift exam room, leaning his head and shoulder back through the door, intending to drop the bag against the wall inside the door.

He caught a glimpse of Gigi, on the exam table, as he did so. The doctor had flipped the bottom of her shirt up onto her chest and opened her pants, and was palpating her stomach and abdomen. Negan frowned as he caught sight of evidence of heavy bruising. This woman really had been put through the fucking ringer. The question was why.

Suddenly conscious of the fact he shouldn’t be seeing her in her vulnerable state, he leaned into the room and pulled the door shut as he left, calling out “Her bag is here by the door. Make sure nobody fucks with it.” He knew there were fucking scavengers among his people, and no unattended property was sacred.

__________

Gigi’s eyes snapped open, her breathing heavy and her mind racing. She shook her head, trying to lift the fogginess enveloping her. She remembered the people she had met on the road, and that this was likely their place, community, whatever. She remembered going in and out of consciousness. Hearing voices. Being carried upside down, her cheek bobbing against leather. The pain of injections in her back. A soothing male voice reassuring her as her skin was pierced several times.

She was not restrained and the door was open, which eased her mind slightly. Looking around, she took in her surroundings.  She was laying on her side on a twin bed, in a sparsely furnished room. Her backpack was lying against the wall a few feet away. There was a small table by the head of the bed, and a larger one across the small room, which held a few trays with medical implements. She had an IV line in her arm, which made her panic for a moment as she wondered what was being fed into her veins. She relaxed a bit when she realized she felt weak, not sedated, so there was no evidence of foul play.

She lifted the light blanket covering her, frowning when she found Avery’s clothes were gone, and she was wearing a pair of navy blue sweatpants and a baggy white tee shirt. She wasn’t upset the asshole’s clothes were missing. She was upset someone had undressed her while she was unconscious.

“We had to cut your clothes off to examine and treat you properly. Just a routine physical,” a gentle voice reassured her. Startled, she looked up from under the blanket, to find a man standing in the doorway, talking to her. “I’m Doctor Carson.” He walked a few steps towards the bed, carrying a clipboard and pen. He checked her IV line, putting his stethoscope into his ears with his empty hand. “I have you on a saline drip to rehydrate you. May I?” he asked her, holding up the end of it. Gigi wondered if he always asked his patients before he examined them.

When she nodded her consent, he also grabbed a blood pressure cuff off of the table, leaving the clipboard there, before turning back to her. He was thin and lanky, with a receding hairline. Beady eyes and sharp cheekbones kept him from being attractive, but his calm voice was comforting.

He was gentle as he listened to her heart and took her blood pressure. She gritted her teeth at the touch, her jaw tensing. She tried to relax herself as he ran his fingers over some of  the scabbing ligature wounds on her wrists before moving back to his clipboard to write down his findings.

“Negan brought you in yesterday at about this time. I’m not surprised you slept until now. Your body needed the rest,” the man informed her, as he continued to make notes. “You are quite the popular patient. Laura and Arat have been by to check on you. Even Negan came by to see how you are doing.” He said the man’s name with reverence, the statement conveying the leader’s visit to a patient wasn’t typical.

The doctor carried the clipboard back to her and set it down on the bed, motioning for her to turn her back to him. Once she shifted, he lifted the back of her shirt a fraction of an inch. “May I?” he asked again. When Gigi nodded, he lifted the shirt higher, putting the hem up over her shoulders to hold it out of his way. She stifled a gasp, tensing as it pulled the shirt higher in the front as well, jerking her elbows against her sides, taking on a protective posture, to hold the front of her shirt close to her chest since she wasn’t wearing a bra.

“How long have you had the knife wounds?” Doctor Carson asked her softly, ignoring her skittish response. She breathed deeply as his fingers grazed her back while he examined her cuts.

“Some of them are five or six weeks, others less.”

He pulled up the corner of a bandage on her back, checking for seepage or other signs of infection.

“I am amazed they weren’t more infected, since they were open and dirty.” he murmured as he taped the bandage back in place and moved to another one.

Gigi felt the tension leave her body as he stepped away from her. “I had some antibiotics stockpiled I’ve been carrying around since the turn. Finally put them to use. I wanted to save them, but realized if I didn’t use them, any infection in the cuts could go systemic.”

“Smart move.” He assured her. “No signs of sepsis. Just a bit of localized infection in the deeper lacerations I cleaned out before I stitched you up. I only stitched two of the deeper cuts. The rest will heal on their own, as long as you are careful not to tear them open again. You’ll have varying degrees of scarring. Your attacker was quite the artist.” The tone of his voice assured her he did not look at the artistry as a positive thing.

“Was he?” Gigi asked bitterly. She had already known she would have a constant reminder of her torture. A memory of Bobby, carving into her back suddenly invaded her mind, making her shudder. He’d taken his time as he concentrated heavily on what he was doing. Good to know the scars he’d left would be pretty to the eye. _Asshole_.

The doctor hesitated, opening his mouth to say something, then closing it without speaking. She could tell he was trying to decide whether to ask her about the cuts. They obviously weren’t your usual stab wounds. She was thankful when he changed his mind. She wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, especially not to a stranger.

“Do you need something for pain? We use pain meds sparingly, since our supply is limited, but if you need something, let me know.”

Gigi ached all over, and her back was particularly painful, but replied, “I can live with this level of pain. Save your meds for someone who really needs them.”  

The doctor stared at her for a moment before saying softly, “The rope marks, the bruising and cuts; I’m sorry for whatever happened to you out there.” He was quiet again for several seconds before continuing.  “Gynecology was my specialty before the turn. Do you think you should have an internal exam?”

Gigi’s eyes clouded over as she broke eye contact, responding softly but firmly, “No.” She found herself swallowing down bile, shuddering at the thought. Lowering her head, she focused on her hands on her lap and concentrated on her breathing, pushing down the panic which had risen with his question. “Thanks. I’ll let you know if I need to be checked out.”

The man nodded as he turned towards the door. “Doctor Carson?” she softly called him back. “I hope you honor doctor-patient confidentiality here?” She was slightly panicked at the thought others would find out. Pity was something she didn’t want to deal with.

“Of course.” he reassured her, with a sorrowful smile.

There it was. The pity. Exactly what she didn’t want to see in people’s faces if they knew what happened to her. Hopefully he would keep his word.

________________

“What’s your fucking impression of her?” Negan asked Laura and Arat, trying to get more information about their new arrival.

“She seems okay,” Arat answered. “Tough as nails, judging by the damage to her back.” Laura nodded her assent.

“What did you see?”

“Cuts. Lots of them. Somebody had a good time carving her up.”

Their boss pondered the answer for a moment, before asking, “What kind of shit did she ask you out on the road?”

“Just wanted to know if this was a safe place.” Arat was deliberately vague. She didn’t want to give him any details which might clue him in as to what she suspected had happened to the woman. She looked at Laura, who nodded again to support Arat’s statement, and also subtly validate her lack of detail.  “She asked whether we were treated well here, had a doctor, food.”

Negan nodded, satisfied. “I want you both to keep her close. Talk up your fucking positions here, what we have to offer. You didn’t see how she fucking annihilated the dead out on the road. She has some skills that will make her a valuable asset.”

The women nodded at him. “You've got it, boss,” Laura replied.

__________________

“How the fuck is my little warrior? Are you giving her the royal treatment like I asked?” Gigi heard Negan asking the doctor, in an overly enthusiastic voice, next door to her room.

 _God, he’s an ass. He just had to let me know I am being taken care of due to his orders. Whatever._ She ate another spoonful of chicken soup. The food had been delivered in the last half hour. Soup and two slices of bread. Something easy on her stomach, Doctor Carson had insisted, since she obviously hadn’t eaten much for the last several weeks.

The soup was good, and she couldn't eat it fast enough. Fresh vegetables and chicken in rich broth. She assumed they had livestock and gardens on site. She hadn’t eaten a hearty meal in months, and she hadn’t had bread since the world ended. None of the groups she’d lived with had had the resources to bake bread, so it was a real treat.

“She’s doing well,” she heard Dr. Carson respond. “She’s eating now, so you can go on in if you want to visit.”

A few seconds later, Negan was sauntering into her room, his bat dangling from one hand, a chair from the other. “Well, hello there!” he greeted her. She gave him one nod as she took another bite of her bread, setting her empty soup bowl on the tray on her night stand.

“Let Doctor Carson know if you need more to eat.” he said, eyeing the empty bowl. He put the chair down, a few feet from her, and sat in it, leaning forward with his elbows on his spread knees, his hands one on top of the other on the top of the bat, it's barbed tip resting on the floor.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, staring at her intently.

“Better, thanks,” Gigi replied, making sure to compliment his set up. “Doctor Carson is taking good care of me.”

“He tells me you’ll be up and about in another day or so. We just need to fatten you up a bit. Give you some of your fucking strength back.”

She found it interesting he had placed himself close to the bed, leaning forward into her space. Intimidation tactic? The bat and his hands were touching the edge of the mattress. He never let his gaze wander from hers, staring right into her eyes. He was obviously used to being in charge and in control, full of himself and his power. She matched his intense gaze, not letting her eyes wander from his.

The fact she would be released in a day or so was news to Gigi. She and the doctor hadn’t discussed how long she would be in bed, because she had slept most of the time since she’d arrived. She nodded as she chewed on her bread. “Then what?” she asked.

“It depends,” he answered vaguely, smiling at her as she took him in. He really was handsome, the asshole. There was something about him that screamed _Dick!_ but he was also charming as hell. She continued to stare at him, raising her eyebrows in question. She knew whoever looked away first was the loser in this game. He was testing her, trying to read her. To see what she was made of. _Game on_.

“On?” she countered.

“On what part you want to play here,” Negan responded. “I liked what I saw when you were fighting the dead. You obviously have guts, and you know how to fight. I need someone like you in my ranks. I think you can hold a place as top dog here, in no time.” She couldn’t tell whether he was being genuine in his praise, or blowing smoke up her ass, as her father used to say. She knew she was skilled, but she questioned the purpose of his compliment.

“And what does that mean for me?” Gigi asked. She really wasn’t planning on staying long, but she was curious. She needed to get back out on the road, back to her search, but wondered whether this place was a viable option for the future.

“It means you protect this place, you help keep this place running, on a management level,” Negan explained. “Make runs to the other communities who provide for us. Keep peace here, manage supply runs. In return you have access to anything you could ever want or need. You live like a king.”

“Princess is more my style,” she admitted, making him chuckle. She didn’t want to seem naive, so she kept her surprise to herself they were working with other communities. That other communities existed within reach. She did take note when he said the communities provide for him. It was an interesting way to phrase things.

“Okay then, you can live like a princess,” he acceded.

“And what if I don’t want to be top dog? What if I don’t want the responsibility?” she challenged in a neutral tone.

“Then you work for points.” Negan leaned into her a few more inches, his expression hardening a bit as he looked at her, as if he was pissed she would even consider an alternative to the grandeur he offered. _Bingo._ She had created a little crack in the facade of his charming self. “You contribute in other ways, and you earn points which pay for what you need. Use them to pay for your food, your clothing, the water you use to shower, the water you drink, the air you fucking breathe. You hope like hell you have a commodity to trade or a decent job to do to get the points to buy more than just the minimum.” His tone was calm, and he was trying not to look aggravated, but the lines between his eyebrows and the way he pressed his lips together as he looked at her gave him away.

Gigi was annoyed with the fact he had already made up his mind about what her place should be. She definitely didn’t take kindly to someone trying to control her. Especially not after what she had been through in the last several weeks. He might control this place, but he wasn’t going to control her. She decided to fuck with him. Just a little.

She leaned towards him, bridging the small gap between them. If he thought it was okay to invade her space, then she was going to do the same to him. She raised her thumb to his forehead, rubbing lightly at the furrow between his brows and down to the bridge of his nose and back up. She nodded slightly with wide eyes as she did so, as if to tell him it would be okay. Patronizing him, but with an expression of total innocence. She could see from his expression it took him totally off guard, but he didn’t move away from her touch. After her thumb swept up and down a few times, his jaw and tight lips began to relax, but he raised his eyebrows in question, assessing her as she leaned back to lay on her side on the pile of pillows stacked at her headboard.  

“What the fuck was that?” Negan asked her. The words were harsh, but the tone was soft.

“You just seemed a little stressed. Trying to smooth it out for you,” Gigi replied, as if it was the most natural thing to do. She popped her last bite of bread into her mouth, telling him matter-of-factly, “Studies show a gentle touch is one of the best stress relievers.”

 _What the fuck?_ Negan asked himself as she chewed the last of her bread. Who the fuck did she think she was, handling him like that? She was either cocky, or crazy. “Heh.” His tongue swept between his parted lips as he studied her.

“Maybe you can show me around when I’m out of bed. Show me what this place has to offer. I’m sure I’d like to be Princess Top Dog,” she reassured him, making herself comfortable again on her side, fluffing her pillow and closing her eyes to signal and end to the conversation.

A smile slowly started to form on his lips as she settled. _What the fucking fuck? Did she just fucking dismiss me?_ He laughed, loudly, partly at her self imposed title, partly to let her know he was on to her. He was pleased when it startled her, and her body jumped a bit where she lay.

He watched her for a few seconds more, and as he was about to turn away, she fucking opened her eyes and winked at him before closing them again.  

 _God damn spitfire!_ he thought to himself, not sure if he should be amused or pissed. _This one’s going to give me a fucking run for my money._  

_______________

Arat and Laura showed up at Gigi’s bedside the next afternoon, shortly after Dr. Carson instructed her to get out of bed and go out among the living. He gave her instructions to make sure she ate three meals per day and drank plenty of fluids, and advised her to continue taking her antibiotic daily until she saw him again. She should take it easy until she had more energy from the nourishment and rest, and until her stitches came out, which could be a week or more. Gigi hoped she would be back on the road shortly after her stitches were removed.

“Negan wants us to show you around,” Arat informed her.

 _The Grand Poobah himself wasn’t going to give her a tour?_ Gigi tried not to smirk at the thought, and gave the women a nod and a smile. “Let’s do it.” She grabbed her backpack from against the wall, fastened her belt with the two sheathed weapons around her waist and let the girls lead her out of the room, Gigi still wearing her sweatpants and baggy tee.

She followed them through a series of hallways and several sets of doors, then down a staircase. She took note of everything significant, and the path they took through the building, for future navigation. The building was many stories, it seemed, with long hallways running its width, and then a short hallway running front to back on either end of each floor, creating a big U shape. The halls were lined with doors on either side.

The decor was typical, with painted cinder block walls and speckled 12X12 floor tiles. The overall feel was dark, even though the walls were painted light gray. The few electric lights and the windows at the end of each hallway provided some light. Gigi wondered how they were generating electricity and what they used it for, day to day. If it was generated by fuel, there was a limited supply, so use might be limited to necessities.

Laura talked as they moved, explaining how the different floors of the building were used. “This floor is our floor. All of the rooms here are for the people who are close to Negan. If you become one of us, you’ll have a room on this floor.”

They stopped in front of a door which Laura opened with a key. “This is my room,” she explained as they stepped in. The room was a decent size, with a queen bed and night stand, and a small dinette set. A mini fridge and microwave implied electrical use was not severely limited. There was also a love seat with a small coffee table and tall storage cabinet.  Laura had made the room her own, using artwork and fabrics to brighten the dull walls and accent the windows. It was cozy.

Arat lead the way to the next stop, on the ground floor. There was a makeshift cafeteria, with long tables with attached bench seats. A room next door had been turned into an industrial kitchen, with a mish mash of restaurant type freestanding refrigerators and stoves to cook for a large group of people. There were a half dozen people in the throes of preparing a meal. They glanced up at Gigi, taking in the new girl as they worked. It looked like roast pork and mashed potatoes were on the menu for the day day. Gigi’s mouth watered at the smell of it. It had been months since she’d had a cooked meal. Today's soup was the closest thing. Meat and a vegetable? And hot? It almost seemed too good to be true. _Wait...is that gravy the man is pouring over the pork?_ She couldn't wait for dinner.

Rows of shelves lined one wall, similar to library shelves, running perpendicular to the wall, so a person could walk down between the rows and look for items. The ends of the shelves were labeled with the contents of the row. Some rows were labeled, in alphabetical order, for items such as canned goods, pasta, spices and other non perishables. There were also baskets of fresh vegetables and fruits. They were well stocked.

“Dinner is always ready at five, and we go to the front of the line, but we can come in here at any time and take what we want or cook what we want, because we work for Negan. The others have to wait for dinner for a cooked meal. They have to use their points to buy dinner. They can also use points or trade stuff to get food items on the exchange floor for their other meals of the day,” Arat went on to tell her.

 _Do we have to leave the meat?_ Gigi lamented as the other two women walked out of the kitchen and down the hall.

She stopped at an open doorway, and motioned for Gigi to go inside. They entered a large room which appeared to be a store room. There were shelves holding several dozen pairs of boots and shoes, some still new in the box. There were plastic storage containers with packs of socks and underwear, both men’s and women’s. There were jeans and other types of pants on tables. One table labeled “men”, another labeled “women”. Metal racks lined one wall, and there were shirts, jackets and coats hanging. “This is where we keep the good stuff,” Laura drawled, running her fingertips over a pair of linen pants. “The stuff for us. Lieutenants can come in here and grab whatever they need. New stuff comes in all of the time. The stuff no one wants, that’s been in here for awhile, goes down to the exchange floor for purchase. Go ahead and get yourself a couple sets of clothes.”

“Sweet!” Gigi made her way to the racks, looking through shirts. She chose a couple of tank tops and sleeved shirts to layer, then made her way to the pants, where she chose a pair of  women’s  jeans and some cargoes.  Laura threw her a three pack of socks, and a pack of women’s underwear.

“Really?” Gigi groaned at her, “Cotton granny panties? And in taupe, no less. Isn’t there something else?”

“Unless you are one of Negan’s wives, we’re fresh out of sexy lingerie. We need to find some better stuff next time we’re out on a supply run.” Laura gave her an empathetic look. “You’ll have to make due.”

“Negan’s _wives_?” Gigi repeated, looking from Laura to Arat. She spied a gray bandana in one of the bins, and nabbed it. Using her knife, she cut it in half along the diagonal fold, and then rolling it tightly up on itself. She wrapped the length loosely around her wrist a few times, reaching her arm out,  when she was done, for Laura to tie it. She tucked the ends under the the fabric, and then repeated the process for the other wrist. Instant scar cover which resembled a cloth wrap bracelet.

“Yep. Wives,” Arat confirmed. “He has about six wives right now.” She shrugged, like it was nothing out of the ordinary. “They signed on to be his wives in exchange for protection. They have it pretty cushy, and they’re guaranteed to get laid once every six nights.” She smirked after she said it, and she and Laura shared a high five across the table.

“Getting laid once every six nights sounds great right about now,” Laura said wistfully. “Hell I’d be happy to get laid once a month at this point.” Arat and Gigi both laughed at her misery.  

Gigi shook her head, pondering the idea of Negan having more than one wife as she turned back to her search. It didn't surprise her at all, fitting with his cocky attitude.  She did find it amusing he called them wives. _Why bother?_ She rifled in a bin full of bras and sports bras, pulling out a sports bra which looked like it might fit. She had no idea what bra size she wore at this point, since she’d lost so much weight on the road. She picked out a black bra not too utilitarian, and fastened it around the outside of her tee shirt, pulling the cups up over her breasts to see if they fit.

“Sexy,” came a voice from the doorway. “Starting a new fashion trend?” She looked up to see Negan’s driver in the doorway.

“I always was a trend setter,” Gigi replied, striking a model’s pose.

“Gigi, right? I’m Simon. We never were formally introduced.” He walked over to her and reached out his hand to her to shake. He had an whimsical air about him, but he also had an air of authority evident as well. She wondered about his position in Negan’s group as he moved to look at the racks of boots. “The girls giving you the grand tour? Make sure they show you the heated pool and jacuzzi down on the first floor.”

“Yeah, right. We’ll go there next,” Arat retorted sarcastically, pointing Gigi to bins full of toiletries. She picked out some toothpaste, a toothbrush, deodorant, noting there were tampons if she needed them. She hadn’t had a period in months, probably due to malnutrition. She picked up a bottle of fruity shampoo, but then put it back in the bin and grabbed a body wash she could use from head to toe. She didn’t want to be greedy.

Laura picked up the shampoo, handing it back to her to go with the body wash. “You need conditioner, too? You grab it. You take what you need, and you fill out and sign the clipboard by the door.”

Gigi smiled at her and stuffed the black bra and the rest of her finds into her backpack. She signed the clipboard, and saying goodbye to Simon, the three women headed back down the hallway to a set of double doors, where Arat motioned Gigi through.

Arat and Laura followed Gigi onto what once was the main factory floor. Several stories high and taking up half of the footprint of the building. There was a lot of activity. Gigi surveyed the room as they walked through. There were tables set up in rows, each stacked with items of one sort or another, clothing and shoes on one table, small containers of what looked like roasted pecans on another. There was a barber’s chair in the middle of the floor, occupied by a man getting his hair trimmed. It looked almost like a marketplace.

Along the far wall were cubicles delineated by hanging sheets and fabrics hung from a cable running from one end of the room to the other. Cables ran forward from the back wall to meet the main length of cable, creating squared off sections containing cots, or twin mattresses on pallets. Gigi could see trunks and plastic storage containers which must contain personal belongings. It was very impersonal, and the fabrics and sheets dividing the individual spaces were not substantial enough to provide any real privacy, not even falling to the floor.

“If you decide you don’t want to work with _us_ , you live here. We give you a job to help keep the place running which will earn you points. You use your points to buy everything you need. You can trade, too, if you have stuff worth trading. People buy stuff, using their points, upgrade it or make it into something new, and then sell it for higher points.”

“Will you cheerleaders still be my BFF’s if I decide I want to hang out here with the kids in the science club?” Gigi joked.

“No way,” Laura deadpanned. “We wouldn't be seen with the science club kids.” Arat shook her head with a smile.

They walked by a few more tables. “Ooooh. I’m digging the hat,” Gigi declared with exaggerated awe. She motioned to a pink cowboy hat, hanging on a peg board at one of the stations. “I bet I need a _lot_ of points for that baby.”

“You work for Negan, and that beauty is free,” Laura confided in all seriousness.

Gigi turned as the woman who manned the table with the roasted pecans next to them sniffled, and then pulled out a tissue to blow her nose. She looked to be in her thirties, with blonde hair she had pulled back in a ponytail. It was obvious she wasn’t feeling well, and she blew her nose several times before she finally stuffed the tissue back in her pocket. Gigi walked over to the woman’s table, looking over the small containers of pecans.  “Your cold is making you pretty miserable, huh?”

The woman eyed her suspiciously, looking her up and down, taking in her clothes and her filthy appearance before she responded, “It’s a sinus infection. Pretty bad one. It’s making my whole head feel foggy.”

“That’s the worst,” Gigi commisterated.  “You should go see Dr. Carson. It probably won’t go away on it’s own.”

“What’re you new here?” the woman huffed at her, as if it were the only possible explanation for such a ridiculous suggestion. When Gigi nodded in response the woman continued, “Don’t have enough points to spend on a visit to Dr. Carson. And I definitely don’t want to be in debt.”

Gigi looked at the woman, piecing together, in her mind, what she had seen and heard so far. Laura’s statement during the tour of the upstairs rooms, and only a moment ago came back into her mind. _If you become one of us …_ This place was divided into us and them. Haves and have nots. She frowned at the implication, pulling her backpack off of her shoulder and setting it on the table next to the pecans. She opened it up, unzipping a compartment in the back, and rifled through some things. She kept her hands inside the bag, working on something and then closed the compartment and zipped the bag closed.

“Trade you some antibiotics for a container of pecans?” she asked the woman, showing her some pink pills on her palm.

The woman’s head cocked to the side and she looked at her as if she were perplexed by her question. She gave her a smile then, and pushed a container of pecans towards Gigi, and after a few seconds pushed another one towards her. Gigi held out her offering, and when the woman put her hand underneath to catch them on her palm, Gigi held the woman’s hand in place with her free one and gently dropped the pills into it.

“I’m Gigi.” She prolonged the touch, using her hand to gently close the woman’s fingers around the medicine so she wouldn’t drop any of it.

The woman looked at her for a moment, seemingly stunned by her kindness and her touch, and then smiled. “Liz,” she introduced herself, shaking her head. “I wish I could give you more.  I need the points from selling the rest.”

“Trades don’t always have to be even,” was Gigi’s reply, and she smiled at her as she went on to explain. “Take one now, one at bedtime, and then one for the next 5 days.”

Negan watched the muted exchange between the two women from his perch on the landing of the second floor, squinting as he studied Gigi while she chatted with the woman for another moment. She then turned back to Arat and Laura, who were looking at each other like they didn’t quite know what to make of the whole thing. Gigi handed Laura one of her containers of pecans as she dug into her own and they walked on, Arat pointing and talking as they moved.

He lifted Lucille and knocked on the metal railing in front of him three times and in response everyone dropped to one knee. Everyone except Gigi, who was scanning the room warily at the sudden drop in volume and activity. Her eagle eye only needed a split second to spot him and he smirked at her, motioning with two fingers for her to come to him.

“As you were!” he called out as she moved towards him.  Everyone else stood and went about their business.

 _What the hell?_ Gigi made her way across the floor. She suddenly had a bad feeling in her stomach. _What sort of egomaniac makes people kneel for him to validate his inflated sense of self worth?_ Gigi climbed the metal steps and approached him as he leaned on the railing, observing the activity below.

She studied him from the side as he looked over the room. She was interested in getting to know what this man was about, how his mind worked. She wasn’t sure if she’d like what she would find.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, not looking at her, but continuing to survey the room.

Gigi put her elbows on the railing, perusing the activity on the floor as well, holding her pecans out to him in offering as she put one in her mouth. “Tired. Some pain. But that’s a step up from the shape I’ve been in for the last month.”

Negan finally looked at her, catching her frowning at the pecans, deep in thought. The look passed as quickly as she shook her head slightly, as if trying to physically shake off some negativity.

“Good. Follow me.” He grabbed a few of the nuts and turned away from her.

He lead Gigi down the stairs, and underneath the landing through a short tunnel which lead to a set of double doors. He pushed one open, waiting for her to pass through. At least the ego maniac had manners. The doors lead outside, and she walked out, squinting at the sunlight. A group of about a dozen people congregated to her left, Laura and Arat among them. They must have followed her towards the exit and gone outside when she approached Negan.

The hum of dead ones filled the air, and the smell was present as well. There was a fence surrounding building and grounds, and they were using corpses to keep intruders from getting close to the fence, placing them every few feet along the fenceline and several feet deep in a gauntlet of sorts. Some were attached to the fence, some chained so they could move into the free space between other stationary dead ones, so all of the space along the fence provided the threat of a bite or scratch. Smart.

“Everyone, this is Gigi,” he called as he approached the group. They all eyed her, and a few of them nodded at her as she and Negan stopped at the top of their circle. He surveyed the group for a moment before asking, “Who are you?” using his bat to point to one of the men in front of him.

“I’m Negan,” the man responded. Gigi’s mind turned over this tidbit as Negan pointed his bat at another man in the circle, asking the same question. The response was the same. “I’m Negan,” the man replied. Finally the bat was pointed at Arat, and before her leader even asked the question, she stated, “I’m Negan.”

Negan chuckled in response. “Good girl,” he praised her. Turning to Gigi he explained, “This is my top echelon. They work directly under me. They represent me. They _are_ me.” Gigi kept her expression neutral as she wondered if she had wandered into a post apocalyptic cult. She made a mental note not to drink any kool aid here and gather her strength quickly to get the hell out of dodge.

Negan turned away from her, walking back towards the building, motioning over his shoulder with two fingers for her to follow. She followed him through the building, up a few floors, and down a hall where he pulled a keyring from his belt loop and opened one of a set of double doors. They were different from the other plain metal doors in the building, made of dark wood, looking formal in the industrial space.

“Ladies first,” he offered, stepping aside to let Gigi walk by.

She looked around as she entered what looked like an apartment. A seating area to the right, bedroom area to the left. It was lavishly decorated in blacks and grays, setting a very masculine tone. There was a door on the wall across from the entrance, which was open, and Gigi could see bathroom fixtures inside.

“Have a seat.” Negan gestured to a couch, sitting in one of two armchairs positioned across from it. There was a platter of finger food on a coffee table in the middle of the seating area. Gigi sat on the couch as he grabbed a couple of grapes, putting one in his mouth. “Help yourself,” he waved one hand at the food while using the other to spear a piece of cheese with a toothpick, and then sat back, waiting for Gigi to partake.  

“Cheese?” she marveled, grinning at him, sitting her pecans on the table. She might have reservations about the man in front of her, and this place, but she would think about it after she took advantage of the treats in front of her, and the pork downstairs since she wasn’t in immediate danger. She speared a chunk of orange cheese, and groaned with pleasure when she put it in her mouth and started to chew.

“Good, huh?” Negan questioned, chuckling at her reaction. “Mustard?” he offered, pushing a ramekin of the condiment towards her.

He studied her as she nodded, impressed, and then leaned forward for another piece of cheese. Her head was bent to the task, dipping her cheese into the mustard, and then spearing it again when it fell off her toothpick into the condiment. She had an exotic look about her. Her eyelashes were long, over big brown eyes he knew were expressive. A few freckles were spattered across her tanned nose. Her cheekbones were high, her lips were full.

She was very feminine under all of the dirt. Her face and hands were now clean, but the rest of her was still a fucking mess. Her hair was still matted and greasy from lack of washing, but she had tidied up her ponytail a bit since arriving. Her neck was long and graceful, even while smudged with dirt and bruises. He would say she looked delicate, but he knew better after seeing her fight. She may have delicate features, but this was a huge fucking contrast to her capabilities.

“Hell yes, it's good. I haven’t had cheese since the world ended. You wouldn’t happen to have some wine to go with this, would you?” she joked, chuckling at herself.

Negan didn't respond, but got up from his seat and walked to a low cabinet on the wall behind the couch. He pulled out a bottle of red wine, two glasses and an opener and returned to his seat. Sitting the glasses on the table, he used the knife attached to the wine opener to cut off the foil on the top of the bottle and proceeded to open it.  

“I was joking,” Gigi told him as he worked, “but fan-eff-ing-tastic!”

Negan glanced up to see a look of pure delight on her face. Her eyes were bright, and her features were much softer than he had seen them since they’d come across her on the road. “My boys found a little wine and cheese shop,” he explained, “and they said it was stocked like the owner was expecting the apocalypse. All sorts of cheese, still in the rinds, still good. Cases and cases of wine.” He corkscrewed the bottle, pulling out the cork and then poured two glasses, leaning forward to hand her one across the coffee table.

Her fingers were long and nimble as they toyed with the cheese. She wore a wedding and diamond engagement ring on her left hand. She also wore a gold band on the thumb of her right hand. It was thicker than the other, more masculine. As she moved her hands, he could see some red yarn, wrapped around the band on the inside of her thumb, which she had used to tighten it to fit. He assumed it was her husband’s. The implication was obvious, if it was. It was cool she was still wearing it.

“The shop carried the good stuff!” She sniffed her wine, and then deciding the bouquet was to her liking, she swirled her glass for several seconds before tasting it. It seemed totally out of place in the apocalypse, but he suspected it was second nature to her. She had come from a lifestyle where she drank good wines on a regular basis, before the the world had gone to shit.

She let out a hum of approval, rolling the liquid around on her tongue before she swallowed it. She smiled at him then, and it literally radiated off of her from head to toe as she took another sip.

“Fan-eff-ing-tastic?” he repeated her words. “Darlin’, you do _not_ have to mince words with me. Fuck is my _favorite_ word.”

Gigi let out a hearty laugh. “Then you and I should get along just fine, because I'm in that club, too.” It wouldn’t hurt to play nice with him, as it could help to curry the man’s favor to make sure her stay was hassle free.

Negan smirked at her, took a drink of wine, then leaned forward to put his glass on the coffee table. Time to get down to business. The leader assessed her for a moment before cutting to the chase. “Where are you from, Gigi? Why were you out on the road by yourself?” He wanted to know if she was part of a group which might be a threat, or might be able to provide for him.

“You have to ruin a good thing here with serious talk? Can’t I just enjoy my cheese for a few minutes?” she challenged with a hint of exaggerated melodrama, spearing another piece. She used the banter to give her time to decide exactly how much to tell him. She put the cheese in her mouth, holding an index finger in front of her lips, gesturing she needed to swallow before she could continue to talk.

He placed his elbows on his knees and touched the tips of the fingers of one hand to the tips of his fingers of his other hand. Bending his knuckles in and out, rolling the fingertips against each other, he gave her his rapt attention while he waited for a response to his unanswered question. He was almost sorry he had changed the tone in the room as she nodded her head in understanding. The hint of a smile left her face and a frown took over, her demeanor sobering as well.

“The last place I lived was attacked several months ago by a group of people whose sole interest was in looting and killing. They took out two of our lookouts and came over the fence in the middle of the night. Set the place on fire with molotov cocktails. We fought back, but they outnumbered us three to one, and the fire spread so rapidly ...” Gigi said softly. “When we realized we wouldn’t be able to save the place, and maybe ourselves, we had to abandon the fight and run. Only a few of us made it out alive, that I know of.”

She chewed on one side of her lip, eyes flitting from side to side as she disappeared into her head. Into the memory. Her brows furrowed, and she closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. When she opened them again her expression was clear as she looked him in the eye. He realized it wasn't the first time he'd seen her shaking off the bad. Laying it aside. _Tough cookie_ , he thought, admiring her for it.

“How did you get your knife wounds? Did you run into some trouble out on the road?” he queried gently, looking genuinely concerned. She shook her head at him, breaking eye contact and looking up into the corner of ceiling. Her nostrils flared and her body tensed, as she looked back up at him.

“Trouble isn’t the word for it.” She shook her head as she continued, “The handful of us who made it out of the attack took to the road in search of a new place. The group dwindled down to just three of us over the next few months. I got separated from the other two in my group five or six weeks ago.”

She paused, absently using her free hand to run her fingertips along the edge of the bandana surrounding her other wrist. “I was ambushed by three men while I was scouting for food and water. They kidnapped me. One of them particularly enjoyed torturing me. He's the one who cut up my back.”

Negan's face took on a murderous expression as the words hit him. “Sadistic fuck. I hope he's dead?”

Gigi flashed back to Arat telling her, the day they met, how Negan didn't tolerate disrespect towards women. She could read it all over him now, and she appreciated it.

She shook her head with a frustrated huff. “Not him. Just the other two. He's still out there somewhere.”

Negan was sure there was so much more to her story. It wasn't likely the men only cut her up while she was held prisoner. Curious as he was, he wouldn't ask her about it. He greatly respected that whatever had happened, she had been the fucking winner in the end. His angry expression relaxed.  He stared at her for half a minute before he spoke again, softly, reassuring her. “You’ll be safe here, Gigi.”

Gigi nodded at him, taking another drink of wine while she studied him openly. The seemingly genuine concern in his voice surprised her. He sounded like he actually cared. She pushed sentiment aside as the vision of his people kneeling, and his elite legion of Neganites came to her mind. This man was smart, self assured and extremely charismatic, which could be an extremely dangerous combination.

She knew what she wanted, and what she needed. Nothing which might happen here could be any worse than what she had already been through, she thought. Arat and Laura seemed content here. Despite negatives she had learned about, the people had food and a place to lay their head. She needed to get her strength back, and then start searching for her people. She had to find them.

She had some reservations about his place, and about Negan himself, but she would stay if she could use this place as a base to conduct her search. There was no point in pussy footing around. “What do you want from me, Negan?”

He loved her directness. “Just what I mentioned before. I want you to work for me,” he replied, smirking as he continued, “You can be one of my lieutenants and earn your place as Princess Top Dog.”

Gigi stared at him for a moment, then purposely gave him a small smile. “Since I now know you have a large supply of wine and cheese here, I think I'll accept your offer,” she joked with him in a matter-of-fact tone, making him smile as well, “but I need to know I'll have the time and the freedom to go back out on the road and search for the two I was separated from. Half of my heart is out there, somewhere.” There was no mistaking the sadness which enveloped her as she spoke.

Negan stared at her for a moment, mulling her request over. “You're really close with these two? You think they're still alive out there?”

“I _know_ they are. They are very strong and very capable. We kept each other alive out there,” Gigi explained, with a small smile and a lot of pride in her voice. “They’re my children.”

__________________

_Six weeks ago_

She wasn’t far from their camp when the men surrounded her. She and the kids never went further than whistling distance from each other. It was a windy day, and there was a lot of rustling in the trees. The breeze, and the sounds of the birds and bugs must have drowned out stealthy footsteps, despite her impeccable hearing.

They immediately searched her for weapons, taking her dagger and hunting knife from her.  Questioning her at gunpoint, their intentions becoming clear very quickly. They were three men against one small woman. They didn’t need to make nice. Gigi had convinced the men she was alone. She had her backpack with her, which made it look like she was on the move, and luckily they bought it. They led her through the trees, one with a gun at her back, joking about how much fun they were going to have once they got her back to the cabin. Not talking to her, but to each other.

Her mind raced, trying to find a way out of the situation. Since they all had guns at the ready, it would be a challenge to take them out with her blades. She wasn’t restrained, so could possibly wait for her moment and try to escape, but then her children would be vulnerable if she didn’t get back to them quickly enough, and the men happened on them first. It wasn't a possibility she could consider, so she went with them peacefully.

Gigi kept her eyes on their path, paying close attention to their navigation. She started to panic as they got closer to the area where she and the kids had set up camp. “Where are you taking me?” she asked. “You said you have a cabin?” knowing Stevie and Elena would hear her.

She wasn’t making noise to signal them for help. She was doing it to warn them away. They only had knives for protection after running from their community, and the closely clustered trees wouldn’t allow for death by a precisely thrown blade. The odds weren’t in their favor to take on three men with guns, so the kids needed to hide. If she only had herself to consider, she would formulate a plan to attack and escape. If she was unsuccessful, then she would be the only one to lose. She wasn’t willing to risk her children’s safety against the armed men.

The men ignored her, talking among themselves. They were so close to the camp. Gigi looked around for any sign of her children, hoping she would catch sight of them. And hoping she wouldn’t. Something caught her eye as she walked. Turning her head slightly, she saw her son and daughter ahead in the distance, heads peeking out from behind a tree, watching her. She only saw them because she was looking for signs of them. They were barely visible in their position, so the men were none the wiser.

She stayed remarkably calm as she tilted her head quickly to the right, looking them both in the eye, using one of their own silent body signals. She ran her fingers through her hair as she did it, as a distraction in case the man behind her was paying attention. The slight tilt of her head was a signal to tell the children to go. To run.

They had created their own sign language shortly after the turn, when they realized noise attracted the dead. It was a combination of military hand signals and their own creations. They had added so many hand signals and other body motions over the last few years they could practically hold entire conversations without talking.

Some of the signals they had created had never been used, but were critical, so they tested each other on them regularly so they wouldn't forget them. The signal she used was one of them. They had created the signal after a discussion about what they should do if they were in a situation where they had to leave someone behind. How would they know it was the right thing to do?

The tilt of her head gave them permission to leave her behind. She was letting them know it was the right thing, the only thing, to do.

One of her daughter’s hands covered her mouth in distress. Her son’s hand slowly came up to the side of the tree, so as not to draw attention to the movement. He wiggled his index finger back and forth in response, to tell her no. It tore her heart out to do it, but Gigi raised her thumb to her cheek, as if she needed to scratch it. Curling her fingers up above her palm, she wiggled her thumb on her cheek, telling her children this was the best course of action. The only course of action. Then she tucked her thumb to her palm and put the four fingers of her hand to her lips, horizontally, in one last communication. I love you. Then she drew her attention back to her captors as they made their way forward, tears forming in her eyes.  

___________

"Your _children_ ?" Negan asked her incredulously, “How old are they?” _Holy fuck. She had kids out there?_

“Sixteen and fifteen.” Gigi picked up her backpack which sat on the floor by her feet. She unzipped a front pocket and pulled out  what used to be a clear zip top bag. It had been handled, and probably knocked around in her bag so much it was almost opaque. She carefully opened it, and removed two photos, leaving a piece of stiff cardboard behind which he knew helped keep them from getting bent. She handed him one of the pictures. “In case you run into them when you are out there some time. You never know.”

In the photo, a boy and girl in their early teens sat on a light gray sofa. The girl was sitting next to the armrest, her brother beside her. Gigi was also in the picture. While the two children were sitting face forward, Gigi was sitting sideways, facing her son. She had her legs thrown over both of her children’s thighs, her arms around her son, pulling him into a bear hug. His head was pulled to her with one hand, her lips on the side of his face and her cheeks puffed out, blowing a raspberry on his cheek, as her daughter turned slightly to the chaos. Both children were laughing, while her son’s hand was trying to push his mother away by the shoulder.

Even though Gigi’s face was not at the best angle, it was a glimpse of her in her former life. She was healthy yet slim, not emaciated. Her hair was shoulder length, flowing in an attractive style. He could see she was wearing eye make up above her puffed up cheek. He was right; she had come from a place of privilege. Their clothing and their surroundings were upscale and tasteful. Not pretentious, but obviously moneyed. “Your daughter looks just like you,” Negan observed.

“She does. And my son looks like my husband,” she remembered wistfully.

“May I?” he raised his eyebrows at the other photo, still in her hand. Gigi looked at it for a moment, smiling, before she passed it to him.

“It was our favorite self portrait,” she explained to him with a smile.

The black and white photo was incredibly intimate, but very tasteful, of an attractive man, lying on his back in the nude. The arm closest to the camera behind his head. He was lean and muscular and his hair was tousled as he looked at the camera, a content expression on his clean shaven face.

Gigi was lying on top of him, also nude, her head on his upper stomach, facing the camera as well. Her face was bare of makeup, and he could see the freckles on her nose. Her hair was splayed out over her husband’s stomach and chest, curling at the ends. Her eyes were closed, and her full lips were curved slightly upward at the ends. The swell of her breast lay on top of her husband’s thigh. The fingertips of her close hand were grazing his armpit. Her husband’s far hand must have cradled the back of her head, because his spread fingers showed, wrapping around her ear towards her face. Her face was devoid of stress lines, and she was relaxed in a way he had yet to see. She looked stunning.  

“That’s an awesome fucking picture. And a little naughty. I _like_ it!” Negan delivered the last part exuberantly, handing the photos back to her after studying her children’s faces one more time. She carefully put them back in the bag, and zipped it closed.

“My husband died of cancer three months after this photo was taken,” Gigi confessed, “an inoperable brain tumor. He wanted to take this photo because he wanted me to remember a wonderful moment in time. He was right. I can still feel the moment when I look at it.” A single tear slid down her face, and she swiped it away, taking another drink of wine.

She didn’t know why the hell she was sharing this information with this possible megalomaniac. Steven had died, and six months later the world had ended. Her world had been in constant turmoil since the moment he’d been diagnosed, and the turmoil hadn’t stopped for two years. Sitting here in this bubble of Negan’s apartment, where the ugliness outside couldn’t be seen, where he seemed like just another guy and they were talking about things other than where to find their next meal, or ways to avoid the dead, was giving her a chance to breathe. Physically and emotionally.

“I’m sorry,” Gigi grimaced at him apologetically. “You didn’t want to hear all of that.”

Negan shook his head at her, pouring himself another glass of wine. “It’s fine, Gigi.” He took a drink, and then studied its contents for quite awhile with a frown before he looked at her again and softly sharing,  “My wife died of cancer, too.”

“So you know how horrible it is,” she empathized quietly, nodding. “I’m sorry.”

“I do.” He nodded with her, but didn’t offer more.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes drinking their wine before Gigi broke the silence and the heaviness in the room. “Did I mention the wine is fan-fucking-tastic?”

Negan laughed with her before taking a drink from his glass. Despite the heavy topic of discussion, he was enjoying this woman's company. It was a rare moment they were sharing. It was _normal_. It was a relaxed, comfortable millisecond before heading back into the shitty fucking reality of their world.

He knew he wasn't the only one to notice it when she held up her wine and said, “This might sound silly, but thanks for this.” She moved the arm with the glass in a gesture to encompass not only the food and drink, but also the two of them. “I haven't had a minute to relax in months. And chatting? It's literally been a couple of years.”

“You’re welcome.” Negan didn’t tell her that maybe he needed this, too. It struck him that even though he was close with a few of his wives, none of them knew his wife had died of cancer. None of his people knew.

He studied Gigi again, wondering what made him so forthcoming with her. “What we talk about here, stays in this room,” Negan asserted. He said it like she didn’t have to worry about him sharing her secrets, but the inference also implied she should keep his. “I don’t take kindly to gossip.”

“Of course.” Gigi nodded, and then changed the subject. “Dr. Carson said I should take it easy for a few weeks. Gain my strength back.” She shifted their talk back to business.  “I know rest is a luxury these days, so if you want me to go to work tomorrow, I can. I’m sure as long as I eat, sleep and drink properly, I’ll be fine. ”

“Nah. Follow the doctor’s orders. I can wait for his okay to get you rolling. When we’re finished here, I’ll get Arat and Laura to show you to your room, get you something to eat. They can show you where to get cleaned up, since you’re still a goddamn mess,” he answered, making her laugh.

“Is there something low key I can do for the next few weeks?” Gigi thought of Liz, and her mention of not wanting to be in debt. There must be a reason why. “I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity. I know I’ve been using resources since I got here. I don’t want to start off in the hole.”

“I don’t have anything low key for you. Don’t worry about it. You can start when Dr. Carson says you are ready.”

“I’d rather not.” She looked him in the eye. “Looks like you need someone to clean in here for you. I can do that for you? Or odd jobs if you don’t have anything specific?”

“It looks like I need someone to fucking _clean for me?”_ Negan cocked his head at her with attitude, raising his eyebrows, and then looked around his tidy apartment.

“The cobwebs.” She replied, pointing to the corner of the ceiling, “And I can see dust on your baseboards and tops of your door frames. I’d imagine if I take a good look. I’ll be able to find more.”

Negan put his index finger over his lips, finding himself studying her once again. Damn she was fucking ballsy. It was clear why she wanted to start working. She didn’t want to owe anyone anything, and she wasn’t going to be told no. “Alright then. Cleaning and odd jobs it is. You can start tomorrow at ten.”  He pulled a walkie talkie from his belt, and barked into it, “Arat! Laura! Get the fuck up here and pick up Gigi.”

Only a few minutes later, the women knocked on the door. Negan let them in, instructing them to make sure she got a shower and something to eat. In that order, he commanded while he smirked at Gigi. They also needed to show her to her room.

The three women turned to leave, and Gigi took two steps forward out the door before she called over her shoulder. “Thanks again for happy hour.” Before he could respond, she turned back to follow Laura and Arat down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for stopping by! Hope you have a great weekend.


	4. Do I Fit In?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan raised one eyebrow at her, starting to get miffed at her attitude. He took two steps into her space. “Calm the hell down,” he said reasonably.
> 
> Gigi could see, by his intense stare and the squint of his eyes, she was riling him up. She stood her ground, not backing down, not looking away.
> 
> Damn, she is something else! He pursed his lips as he studied her. Her jaw clenched and her hands curled into fists. She was really pissed.
> 
> He fucking loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter, my lovelies. Long chapters are what happen when you use the lines from a song for your chapter titles. You have to fit the stuff that goes with the title into the chapter. :)

The women's bathroom on the floor where the rooms for the lieutenants and top enforcers resided was the first stop. “We’ll be back in fifteen minutes.”

The room was less than aesthetically pleasing, a converted workplace bathroom. Metal shelving which held towels and washcloths sat against one wall.

Two of five sinks had been removed, two water heaters stood against the wall in their place, with copper piping running from them to an area further down the room. Four of the toilet stalls had been reconfigured into two showers. The dividing wall between two stalls was removed, making one large stall and one of each pair of toilets removed as well. A six inch high tiled platform with a drain was built in each expanded stall to cover the plumbing on the floor. Shower fixtures had been added to the wall.

After removing her bowie knife from its sheath, Gigi hung her backpack and belt on a hook on the back of the door in the last stall. She stripped out of her sweat pants, tee shirt, wristbands and shoes and turned on the water, sliding her knife in between the exposed pipes in front of her and the wall so it was easy to reach and would stay relatively dry. She may have had a comfy happy hour with the big boss, but she was smart enough to know there may be other dangers here.

She turned on the water, and was thrilled when it started to heat up after just a few seconds. She adjusted the water temperature and stepped under the spray.

A resounding, “Yeeee haaaaa!” was heard down the hallway by Simon and Arat as they talked business.

“Ahhh. The rodeo must be in town again,” Simon suggested cocking an ear towards the bathroom and then returning to their conversation.

_____________

Sparkling clean and dressed in her new clothes, Gigi was even excited to wear her taupe granny panties, since she had been without underwear for several weeks. Going commando was no fun when she had to wear the same pants day after day. It was downright gross.

She and the girls made their way back to the cafeteria. Laura and Arat bypassed the line of twenty or so people, moving right up to the  serving tables. The people serving the food filled their plates with the pork, mashed potatoes and gravy, along with carrots and a chunk of bread. Gigi was the only one to offer a thanks before they walked away, and it garnered looks of surprise from both of the workers.

They sat at a table with two men named Fat Joey and Skinny Joey, whose names Gigi found amusingly appropriate. Fat Joey was a teddy bear, stocky with curly dark brown hair and dark eyes. Skinny Joey was tall and thin, with long blonde hair and gray-blue eyes. They couldn’t be more opposite. They asked her questions about where she was originally from, and where had she lived before coming to the Sanctuary.

“The Sanctuary?” she looked at them questioningly.

“Negan named this place the Sanctuary, because we're called the Saviors,” Skinny Joey explained.

“Interesting,” Gigi responded, turning the conversation away from herself. “What are your positions here?”  

“I am the electronics person. I make sure everything is in working order, make repairs to any electronic or electrical equipment.” Skinny Joey explained. “Fat Joey’s in charge of redirect.”

“Redirect?”

“He directs the groups of dead ones away from the area. Away from our compound, away from the communities who provide for us, so travel is safer, communities don’t get overrun.”

“ _Now_ it makes sense,” Gigi recalled. “While I was on the road, the closer I got to this area, the fewer dead ones I came across. It made things much easier for me,” she smiled at Joey. Once again she was puzzled by the phrase “provide for us”. Negan had used the phrase as well. Why not say “trade with us”, instead of “provide for us”?

Joey blushed, nodding. He looked pleased with her praise. “It’s an ugly job, but someone has to do it,” he joked.

They talked about redirect, and Joey excitedly explained how he used sound and light to move the dead where he needed them. Gigi told him she was impressed with some of the tactics he used. She couldn’t help but notice he blushed through the entire conversation, not used to praise.

She did some people watching as she devoured her food, noting there was more portion control for the workers, compared to the amount of food piled on the lieutenants’ plates. There was definitely no mingling between the workers and the elite.

Gigi saw Liz enter the room and sit with a group of people, without getting a plate of food. She chatted with the people for a bit, and when one woman got up to leave, she pushed her plate to Liz, which was empty except for a few carrots and a piece of bread. Liz took it gladly, and started eating. She wasn’t the only person Gigi had noticed picking off of another person’s plate.

It struck Gigi they may not have had enough points to pay for food. “Hey guys,” she said to her group. “I’m going to go talk to Liz. Come and get me when you’re done?” she asked Arat and Laura, getting up from the table and picking up her plate and bag.

It wasn’t the first time that day Laura and Arat had looked perplexed by her actions. “Um, sure?” Laura responded, frowning.

Gigi ignored the women's response and gave a happy, “Thanks!” as she walked by, lightly squeezing the woman’s upper arm.

She walked over to Liz, who was now sitting alone, finishing up her few bites of food. Sitting down next to the woman, Gigi pushed the plate of food towards her. “There’s no way I can eat all of this.” She claimed, and after a few seconds, “And even if I could, I’d still share it with you.”

Liz gave her a warm smile, while shaking her head. “Where did you come from?” as if Gigi were an unusual entity. While she said it, Liz motioned over a man who was empty handed as well, and gestured for him to eat from the plate of food. He didn’t hesitate to do so, digging in with gusto.

“The same place you did.” Gigi gave her a no nonsense reply. “The same place where everyone here came from. I think people have become what they need to be in order to survive this world, and they have a hard time remembering how to be their old selves when the moment allows.”

Liz nodded at her, and then added, “And some people were just assholes before the world fell apart, and they still are.” Both women laughed at the sentiment. “This is Big Mikey,” she introduced the man. “Mikey, this is Gigi.”

The man gave Gigi a shy smile in between bites.  “What do you say, Mikey?” Liz asked him when he went right back to eating.

Gigi thought it a strange question, since he was older than she was. He looked to be in his mid to late forties. The man immediately looked cowed, but then his demeanor changed in a flash and he gave her a loud and boisterous, “Hello and thank you for the food!” in one run on sentence.

“It’s my pleasure, Mikey,” she replied. He was obviously intellectually challenged. The way he talked, and his posture and motions while he ate clued her into the fact he was child like. She wondered how he’d managed to survive this long.

“Everyone looks out for Mikey,” Liz informed her, expanding on Gigi’s thoughts. “He came in with his younger brother about six months ago, but his brother was killed, so we all keep an eye on him.”

“The dead ate him,” Mikey muttered matter-of-factly, in between bites.  “I was sad.”

“I’m sorry you lost him,” Gigi apologized. Mikey nodded as he continued to eat, and she turned to Liz. “How often do people go without food?”

Liz thought about the question for a moment while she chewed. The woman next to her seemed nice, but if Gigi was one of Negan’s people, she didn’t want to say anything to get herself in trouble if repeated. “The way it works, we make just enough points to get by. For one meal a day and very few necessities. So when you need new shoes, or your clothes get threadbare, you usually have to give up a meal to pull enough points together. I just had to buy a new pair of shoes, so people have been sharing food with me this week to help out. Mikey doesn’t have a way to make points, so we all feed him. We pitch in points for his clothes, or people donate from belongings they brought in with them, if they have anything.”

“There are people who don’t have a way to earn points, so they just go without?” Gigi questioned, shocked.

“Just Mikey,” Liz explained. “Buck, who oversees the jobs and points is a hard ass. Actually, he’s just an ass.”  Mikey laughed loudly at the statement, causing the two women to laugh with him. “I think someone’s _challenges_ make the uneducated uncomfortable. You know. Ignorance creates prejudice.” She flitted her eyes towards Mikey as she talked in generalities so Mikey wouldn't catch on. She suddenly stopped talking, concentrating on the plate of food.

Arat and Laura were approaching their table, motioning for Gigi to follow. She rose from her seat, patting Liz’s hand as she did, and squeezing Mikey’s shoulder. “See you guys later.” What Liz had divulged was unsettling. The fact that Buck could choose to ignore Mikey’s need for basic necessities was unfathomable to her.

“Bye, Gigi!” Mikey called out loudly as she left.

The three women walked in an uncomfortable silence. Gigi tried to start up a few conversations with them, but they didn’t offer much in return. There was clearly tension in the air.

“Okay, girls. Just spit it out,” Gigi finally prodded as they walked through the halls.

Arat and Laura looked at each other, and then at Gigi.

“You need to think about who you associate with if you're going to be a lieutenant,” Arat finally advised. “You can't expect people to follow your orders if you get friendly with them. They won't respect you. They have to know who's boss.”

Gigi mulled over Arat’s management philosophy for a minute or so before she queried, “Have you ever heard the phrase, _You catch more flies with honey, than you do with vinegar?_ or the phrase, _Kill them with kindness?”_

“Yeah, but that’s not gonna work here,” Arat rebutted. “I can tell you right now.”

“Why not?” Gigi was truly curious.

“You'll see.”

“Okay, but in the meantime, can we agree to disagree on management philosophy? I really want to hang out with the cheerleaders _and_ the science club kids, and I don't want my new best friends mad at me.” Gigi laughed at her own joke, amused with herself.

“Whatever.” Laura shook her head with a smile as she unlocked a door on the lieutenants floor with a single key. It was at the end of the hall, around the corner from Laura's room. “You got the last room available on the floor.” She swung the door open, and Gigi looked into her new room.

The room was a decent size, with a few small windows close to the ceiling. There was a double mattress and box spring on the floor. An ugly laminate dresser stood next to the bed, to double as a night stand, and there was a single locker on the opposite wall. “This is great!” she gushed. She hated it.

“You are such a liar!” Arat laughed. “Don't worry, we'll find you some decent stuff to put in here. Get it dressed up for you. We have a storage for bigger items in the warehouse next door. There's some decent stuff over there.”

“Honestly, anything with a mattress is a luxury to me.” Gigi stepped into the room, and as she did so, she caught a whiff of something unpleasant. “Oooh. You smell that?” She covered her nose with her hand.

Arat took a few steps into the room, wrinkling up her nose as she got closer to Gigi. “What the hell is that? It smells like something crawled in here and died!”

“Eww, gross! You think there's a dead mouse or rat in here?” Laura asked, walking to the opposite wall. The other two women visibly shuddered at the thought. “Get your shit together ladies! If we can handle walking corpses every day we can handle this.” Arat and Gigi raised their eyebrows at her, shaking their heads as she prodded, “Don't be a couple of pussies. Come on.”

The three women searched the room quickly, to no avail. “You think it's up _there_?” Gigi pointed at the dropped ceiling tiles. At this point she was sure the smell had permeated her clothing, and she really was having hard time trying not to gag. The three of them stood, hands over their mouths and noses, looking up at the ceiling.

“This is ridiculous!” Laura walked ten feet out of the room, dropping her hand from her face and taking a few deep breaths. Gigi and Arat followed suit. “We’re going to have to get one of the workers to take out the ceiling tiles and look for the body. Even if they find it in the next few hours, it's going to reek in here for a few days ‘til it gets aired out. You're gonna need a place to sleep til then.”

She and Arat looked pensive. “One of the cubicles on the exchange floor is empty,” Arat suggested.

“Nah. She can't sleep there,” Laura advised. “We better ask Negan.”

“A bed’s a bed, ladies, and even though it's not even dark outside, I really need to lay down. My back is screaming at me, and I'm tired. I'll make due.”

The factory floor was quiet, but for the murmur of low voices talking here and there behind the hanging fabrics. The goods tables had been cleared off and were unmanned. There were people coming and going from the room, but it seemed most were settled for the night in their space.

The empty cubicle was on the end of the row, and had a twin mattress on pallets. Arat opened the large plastic storage container at the end of the bed, pulling out a thin blanket and a fitted sheet. “I'll see if I can hunt up something better for you.” Arat offered.

“This is fine. No worries.” Gigi assured her. “I swear I'm going to be passed out in ten minutes.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely. Thanks, though.” She patted Arat on the side, as she moved around her to put her sheet on the bed.

Arat gave her a shy smile in return before she turned to leave. She grabbed the cloth shower curtain which hung on the front of the cubicle and started to pull it shut after Laura walked through. “See you tomorrow.” And they were gone.

Gigi felt she should try to meet some of the people in the room, but knew she needed to rest. The sooner she felt better, the sooner she could start the search for her children. She smiled to herself at the thought. She ached for them. She wouldn’t allow herself to think they might be dead. She was sure she would feel it, as a mom, if they weren’t alive anymore. She had always had a little bit of sixth sense. Especially when it came to her family.

Her sixth sense had made her get out of line at the grocery store one day to go back to the freezer section to get a Sara Lee pound cake. She hadn’t had one in years, and didn’t know why she was spurred to find it, but she understood when her daughter came home from school that day. Elena had spied the treat on the kitchen counter exclaiming, “I can’t believe you bought one of these! I had this at Bridget’s house last week. We ate the whole thing it was soooo good! I was sitting in class today thinking I needed to tell you to buy one next time you were at the store!” On comparing notes, they had discovered the time frame for the class time craving and for the quest to find it at the store were eerily in sync.

Her sixth sense let her know, two months after she got married, something was horribly wrong with her brother, before her father had called to tell her he had been killed in a car accident.

She had even realized, after Steven was diagnosed, she had a niggling feeling she had ignored for awhile, a feeling she _had_ to ignore or her world would fall apart. She knew it, in her heart, before the doctor even explained Steven had an inoperable tumor, and her time with him was running out. She had pushed aside a niggling feeling, because she needed to believe this one time, her sixth sense was incorrect.

Gigi started to plan how she would begin her search for her children, but she didn’t get far before she fell asleep.

_____________

It was two in the morning when Negan made his way through the building, heading back to his room after a tryst with one of his wives, Frankie. After a massage and an excellent piece of ass from the redhead, he was in a great mood as he walked down the hall.

He made his way past the combination recreation room and bar his lieutenants and enforcers shared. A dim light was still on inside, so he stepped into the room to see if anyone was still partying. He glanced around, his eyes stopping on the shadow of a body which lay on top of one of the pool tables, on its side.

Jesus, his people drank hard. He had lectured them before about not drinking so fucking heavily, so they could be alert and ready at a moment’s notice in case of trouble. Annoyed, he made up his mind to find out who was passed out, so he could give them a foul job to do tomorrow to add to the misery of their hangover.

As he approached the table, his expression softened as he shook his head. Gigi lay on her side, her bag under her head as a pillow, her hand underneath her cheek. Despite the low light, he could see her hair was clean, and now was hanging loose around her face. He could see the curve of her hip, and the dip down to her waist. Her breasts were pushed together  between her upper arms, due to her position, and ample cleavage peeked out from the neckline of her shirt. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ he chided himself. _I’m acting like a stalker, for fuck’s sake. Am I going to stand here and just fucking look at her?_

He did want to stand there and just fucking look at her. _Ahh, shit._ He couldn't believe he had already developed a thing for this woman. He was drawn to her for several reasons, and he didn’t know which he liked most; her exotic looks, her strength and cunning, or the fact she was a fucking pistol who had already challenged him a few times in the few days since she’d arrived. Challenged him in ways no one else would dare because he wouldn’t let them.

He knew his affinity for her was partly because of what she’d been through out there. He was sure he knew what those men had done to her, and it hadn’t broken her down. It definitely hadn't broken her spirit. She had picked herself up and moved the fuck on. Killed two of their psychotic asses and escaped.

He felt strangely protective of her, even though she didn’t need his protection in any way, shape or form. Negan couldn’t help himself when he moved closer to the table. She was lying in the middle of it, so he bent over and put his elbows on the felt surface, and used two fingers of one hand to push some stray hair off her face, as he softly said her name, “Gigi.”

Her face took on a look of aggression as she started, and before he could act, the tip of her tri blade was under his chin, and he could feel the point brush the scruff under his jaw. Her eyes snapped open, trying to bring him into focus. “Shh. Shh. Shhhh...” he urged her to relax. He knew better than to move, despite the huge fucking urge.

Seeing it was him, Gigi’s hand dropped, her eyes fluttering shut. She frowned as she tried to bring herself out of her sleep. He could see her heart beating out of her chest, and her heavy breathing as she fumbled blindly to put her dagger back in its sheath.

 _What a fucking dumbass._ He should have known he would scare her. He kept his position leaning over the table, and moved his thumb to the furrow between her brows, gently rubbing up her forehead and down to the bridge of her nose, then back up again as she had done to him the day before, because it was indeed, very calming. She immediately stilled. “What are you doing in here? Why aren’t you sleeping in your room?” he questioned her softly. She smelled good. Like tropical, mango, fruity shit.

Her body seemed to be in a confused state somewhere between sleeping and flight or fight. He could see the drag of his thumb between her eyes was making it hard for her to open them as she fought to do so. They made it part way open before being lulled closed again by the downward caress of his thumb. “It stunk,” she answered simply, relaxing again.

“You didn’t like it?” he questioned her, not understanding her statement was literal.

“S’a dead animal in there. Smells baaaad. Couldn’t find it … Arat and Laura and me … we tried … we looked.” She nodded, rambling in her sleepy haze, and Negan smiled as he found it absolutely fucking precious. She was perfectly content to talk to him with her eyes closed, enjoying his ministrations.

“No?” he responded gently, “So you decided to sleep in here instead?”

“Slept for a bit in the big room. Last cubicle.” she sighed, starting to sound more lucid. “But the man next to me snored a lot,” she explained, “and was gassy in a very loud and frequent way.” She giggled as her eyes opened again, and he couldn’t help but chuckle with her.

“Well you can’t fucking stay here,” he objected, removing his thumb from her forehead, and using it to brush the hair out of her eyes since he hadn’t succeeded the first time. “Sleeping on a pool table won’t help you heal up so you can fucking work for me. You awake now?” She nodded at him.

“Come on, princess.” He stood up, offering his hand to help her up. “Let’s go find you a place to sleep.”

Negan led Gigi back to the Sanctuary’s infirmary, unlocking the door to her former room with a key from the large collection which hung from a clip on his belt loop, and fell into his pocket.

“Tomorrow we’ll either find the dead animal, or find you a new room. Now get some sleep. I need your ass in my room at ten to clean up the unacceptable hoards of dirt I didn’t fucking know existed, until you pointed them them out to me.”

____________

Gigi woke up early the next morning, despite the interruptions in her sleep the night before. She laughed to herself about the search of her room for the mystery carcass, and then her mind drifted to Negan waking her in the rec room. She could picture his face, so close to hers as her eyes came open. The concern in his caramel eyes while he soothed her panic. Those eyelashes. She could still feel his touch. It surprised her she welcomed it, after her response to Dr. Carson’s minor exam, but she definitely did.

It was a shame it was the apocalypse and Negan might be a maniacal cult leader. It was also a shame he had six wives who were, according to Laura, at least half his age. On top of that, she may never want to be intimate with a man again after what she’d been through. If all of those things weren't standing in the way, she might entertain the crush she had on him.

Since she couldn't go back to sleep, she decided she may as well get up. She wanted to take another shower, just because she could, grab a bite to eat from the kitchen and then wander around the place a bit to get the lay of the land.

________________

Negan and Simon stood on the landing above the factory floor discussing how to handle three missing people. The three had disappeared overnight, taking a load of insulin and medical supplies needed to go with it. They had also taken a fuel truck, which was just about full.

“Send Wade and the psycho six out to find them. I want my fucking soon to be, maybe fiance back,” Negan ordered his second in command. He was pissed Tina had taken off right after he, sort of, popped the question. He was even more pissed her sister Sherry and her brother in law Dwight had helped her.

“I hear ya, boss. I'd hate to see you left standing at the altar.”

“Fuck you, Simon.” Negan caught sight of Gigi as she came onto the factory floor, dragging Fat Joey behind her by the hand. She made her way to the big, goofy fellow who always talked loudly, and Negan heard the man’s greeting to Joey from all the way across the floor. Gigi handed the loud one a plate piled high, with what looked to be scrambled eggs. She patted his arm, pointing to the woman with the pecans she’d talked to the day before. The man then loped his way over to the pecan table and he and the woman started sharing the contents of the plate.

“I was thinking about visiting outpost five,” Simon informed his boss. “I think I need to tighten things up out there. I hear Nelson is losing some control of his group.”

After shoveling in a few bites of her food, pecan woman made her way over to Gigi and Joey and gave Gigi a big smile and tried to give her a hug. Gigi motioned to her back and told her something and then woman reached for both of her hands instead, to squeeze them. They laughed about something, and then squealed about something and then the woman shook Joey’s hand when Gigi introduced them. A few seconds later they were all laughing.  

The three of them proceeded to walk two stations over to the woman who baked the bread. They were all smiles and chatter while Liz introduced Gigi and Joey to the bread woman. Within seconds Gigi was talking excitedly, hands moving, while the others looked on, caught up in her spell.

Gigi signed for a half loaf of bread, which she tried to hand to pecan woman, but pecan woman lead her and Joey four tables over to meet the man who stood behind the “odds and ends” table. Gigi said something to him and he nodded, and then handed the bread to the man as she squeezed his free hand. He thanked her profusely and immediately took a bite. They laughed several times while introductions were made and they all talked, and pecan woman and the odds and ends man were still both smiling as Gigi and Joey walked away from them.

“She's like fucking Mary Sunshine, sprinkling glitter and fucking rainbows around the whole goddamn room!” Negan had never seen anything like it. Everyone was under Gigi's spell within seconds of talking to her. She was touchy feely, holding Joey’s arm while they walked, squeezing someone's arm or hand as she spoke with them, drawing them into her.

“What?” Realizing he no longer had the man's attention, Simon followed Negan's gaze down to Gigi as she laughed with yet another person on the exchange floor.  “You mean your warrior princess?”

“ _My_ warrior princess?” Negan questioned, turning back to him and giving him the hairy eyeball.

“She's pretty. She kicks ass.” Simon listed off her two most important attributes. “I think I'm seeing a little twinkle in your eye as you bitch about her. Will we be hearing wedding bells soon?”

They looked down again to see Gigi dragging Fat Joey across the floor by the hand, to a table where Gigi signed the clipboard and excitedly thanked the woman manning the table for a pink cowboy hat which was handed to her. She modeled it for Joey, who nodded very seriously in approval.

“No. She'll never be one of my wives.” Negan shook his head at Simon.

“Really? Why not? She looks like your type.”  

“Oh, yeah? What's my type, Simon?”

“She has a pussy?”

“Haven't I already said ‘fuck you’ to you once today?” Negan bit out at the man.

“Twice, I think,”  the man replied seriously, counting the offenses silently on his index and middle finger.

“Well, they still apply!” Negan informed him.

“Huh. I had her pegged as one you’d add to your herd of wives.”  

“No,” Negan replied softly. “She’s too good to be a wife.”

“Oh, my! Is the Grinch feeling some warm fuzzies for Gigi in his heart that's two sizes too small?”

Negan flipped Simon the finger as a blot of pink came out from beneath the landing where they stood. The two men watched as Fat Joey shuffled across the factory floor, with Gigi riding piggyback, hair bouncing on her shoulders beneath her new pink cowboy hat.

“Giddy up, Ponyboy!” she ordered, smacking Joey on the shoulder playfully as he moved, and they both laughed at her ridiculousness.

“Holy Christ.” Negan rolled his eyes as he shook his head, turning to walk out the door.

_____________

Gigi knocked on his door precisely at ten o’clock. She had asked around about where to get cleaning supplies, so she carried a bucket full of rags and cleaning fluids, along with a sponge mop.

He opened the door, and eyeballed her, stopping his gaze at her hat. “You gonna fucking wear that thing to clean?”

"You have a problem with my hat?” she countered with a grin, turning her head from side to side to show off her new accessory.

“Not at all.” He stepped aside and motioned for her to come in. “How long do you think this'll take you?”

Gigi looked around, and then walked into the bathroom. “Oh boy,” she murmured, at the state of the grout. “A couple of hours, tops?”

“I'll be in and out,” Negan advised her as she came back to stand in front of him. “I'll see what the fuck else I can hunt up for you to …” he was interrupted by a loud growl from Gigi’s stomach. “Did you eat any fucking  breakfast?”

“I had some toast and a couple bites of eggs a few hours ago.”

“You know, Carson advised you to make sure you eat three squares a day. Maybe if you didn't give away your breakfast, your stomach wouldn't be fucking growling,” he admonished.

Gigi stared at him for a moment wondering how he knew she gave her food away. “I didn't give away my breakfast. I shared it.”

“Why’d you _share_ it?” Negan picked at her choice of words. “The loud guy and pecan woman couldn’t be bothered to buy their own fucking breakfast?”

“The loud guy?” She realized he must have seen her on the exchange floor.

“Yeah. The big guy. The loud, goofy one.”

Gigi was amused and also annoyed with the fact he obviously didn’t know his people's names, and gave them his own titles. She was also offended at him calling Mikey goofy. “Could you be any less sensitive? The term is intellectually challenged.”

“Intellectually challenged?” Negan looked genuinely confused.

“Mikey is intellectually challenged, not goofy!” Gigi informed him, agitated. She realized he was not aware of Mikey’s disability. “He seems to function on an elementary school level.”

“No shit?” Negan’s expression showed concern. For some reason this aggravated her more. _How could he not know about Mikey, unless he was totally oblivious to the people on the bottom tier of his hierarchy?_  

“Yes,” Gigi replied more heatedly, “And I was sharing my food with _pecan woman_ , whose name is _Liz,_ by the way, because she doesn’t have enough points to eat this week. I was sharing with Mikey because he can _never_ afford to eat due to your crappy point system here and the asshole who runs it!” She knew she was crossing a line. She was starting to raise her voice, furious at the injustice of people being forced to go without food, when there was plenty available.

Negan raised one eyebrow at her, starting to get miffed at her attitude. He took two steps into her space. “Calm the hell down,” he said reasonably.

Gigi could see, by his intense stare and the squint of his eyes, she was riling him up. She stood her ground, not backing down, not looking away.

 _Damn, she is something else!_ He pursed his lips as he studied her. Her jaw clenched and her hands curled into fists. She was really pissed.

He fucking loved it.

“You wanna untwist your panties and tell me what the fuck you’re talking about?” The side of his mouth turned up in amusement. He was tickled at her moxie.

“Don’t fucking patronize me, Negan.” Gigi leaned into him as she swore at him, challenging his authority because she knew it would hit the spot.

Game over. Now he was pissed.  He was also a little turned on. “Sit your ass down!” he ordered, jerking his head towards a chair.

She stood there for several seconds, continuing to look him in the eye. He put his arm out to the side, palm up, gesturing dramatically for her to sit.

Gigi saw his smile disappear as his lips pressed into a thin line, nostrils flaring. He had the same look he’d given her when she’d challenged him in the infirmary. It made him look dangerous.  He took one step closer to her, so close she could feel the heat coming off of him, looking down at her with his menacing glare.

She didn’t think he would hurt her. She hoped he wouldn’t. Since she still didn't have an answer for the whole cult leader-slash-megalomaniac question, she couldn't be sure. She would take him on if he tried, with the blades attached to her belt, but she decided not to push him any further, or she might find out it would get ugly.

Putting her hands up, palms out in a gesture of surrender, she moved to the couch, brushing by him as she passed in one last act of defiance. She took off her hat and dropped it on the coffee table with attitude.

Negan raised his eyebrows at her, and shook his head. He walked away from her, and over to his mini fridge pulling out two bottles of water. He returned to sit on the chair across from her, putting one of the bottles on the table in front of her. She could tell he was trying to calm down as he gestured for her to speak first.

Gigi picked her bottle up, opened it and drank as he did the same. He set his bottle on the coffee table, and then put his elbows on his knees, rolling his fingertips against each other.

The air was heavy while he waited for her to speak first. She held his gaze until she was ready to talk, knowing it would garner more respect. It wasn’t the best idea to aggressively challenge the way he ran things, and decided to see how he would respond to an appeal to his emotions, since she had no idea how he operated. His response would give her a glimpse of his leadership skills, and his personality.

Gigi kept her tone business-like as she related, “I hate that Liz can’t eat this week because she had to use most of her points to buy new shoes, and it makes my heart cry Mikey can never buy his own food, or anything else he needs, because someone thinks he’s not worthy of a job.”

She shook her head as she continued, “But I know you don’t care about my feelings, so I’ll put it this way to you. I understand there will always be some who have more than others, especially in this new world. I’m a firm believer in capitalism. If you contribute more, you make more. But morally, I don’t understand a system which would allow a man to starve because he may not be able to contribute as much as the next person. Especially when it seems like no one has even bothered to find out if he’s capable of contributing.

“I have done nothing other than tell you I'll work for you when Dr. Carson says I'm ready, but yet I’m allowed to take all I need or want in the meantime. I can't keep that benefit to myself when Mikey would starve if he didn’t have the contributions of the people around him.”

Negan listened intently as she spoke and then sat quietly for a minute, looking at Gigi as he formulated his response. He had no idea Mikey had a disability, and it pissed him off one of his men might be keeping basic necessities from the disadvantaged man.

The intention of the point system was to allow people doing menial jobs to earn enough points for food, minimal clothing and toiletries. They could barter and sell their own goods to get other things they needed or simply wanted.

He trusted his people to manage things properly, but it sounded like the points earned, or the cost of food and goods was off. He had overseen the numbers when they first started up the system, but hadn't looked at it again since he handed the system over to Buck to manage. He needed to have a chat with the man asap.

Gigi was staring at him, waiting for his response, sliding her husband's ring on and off her thumb. “I have to be honest with you.” He admitted, “I had no fucking idea Mikey is challenged. The fact he’s been going without is _not_ fucking acceptable. We are not monsters here, Gigi. He should be getting points just like everyone else.” Her agitated look turned into a smile as he spoke, the relief visibly washing over her. “I'm sure we can find something for him to do so he can earn. It also sounds like I need to look at the points structure because it might be too tight. _Pecan woman,”_ he goaded her for the second time, “should be able to buy shoes without sacrificing her meals for the week.”

She was quiet for a moment. He could see her wheels turning, trying to decide if she should say something else. “Go ahead,” he encouraged her.

“If Mikey’s been here for six months, then this problem has been going on at least that long, and you were totally unaware. I am wondering why the workers were going without, and didn’t have a voice to ask for help, or suggest change.”

She didn’t want to tell him the Sanctuary reeked with the stench of us versus them, and it seemed the lines of his hierarchy were set in stone. There was no crossing them, even for conversation. This morning everyone she and Joey were introduced to, acted like it was a very pleasant but very atypical surprise to be talking to the higher ups. “It’s something to think about.” Gigi rose from her seat and headed to the bathroom to start her cleaning. She turned to look back at him with a grin when she reached the door frame. “Thank you.”

He simply nodded at her.

Negan grabbed his jacket and clipped on his keys, retrieved a specific notebook from his bookshelf and then headed to the bathroom to tell Gigi a few things before he left. She was standing at the bathroom sink, the water running, spraying cleaner on the porcelain. She must have caught him out of the corner of her eye, just as he walked up behind her, stopping so close he could feel her. Her body tensed and she gasped loudly. Realizing his mistake in coming up too quickly behind her, he started to back up.

“Fuck, Gigi. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t believe he’d done it again. No doubt she was skittish after what had happened to her, and he just kept stomping across her fucking comfort lines.

A trembling hand came up in a flash, her shoulders turning slightly to allow her to grab his jacket behind her, trying to keep him from moving further. “No! Please?”

She surprised him then, pulling it lightly. She was looking at his reflection in the mirror, her eyes showing her anxiety. She was fighting with her emotions, trying to take control of them. He held her gaze in the mirror as he stepped close to her again, watching her expression, trying to read her body signals to give her what she needed while she calmed her body's response. _What the fuck am I doing?_

His eyes never left hers as she took a deep breath, and let it out through her nose, her shoulders dropping from their tensed position. He was fascinated as she dropped her head forward for a moment, eyes closed, and shook her head slightly as he had seen her do before, in attempt to shake off bad feelings. Her hand held onto one placket of his jacket, and he felt the shaking knuckles of her hand touching his chest lightly, as if she needed the contact. She took another deep breath as she raised her head, bringing her eyes back to his.

“Is this okay for a second?” Gigi asked permission to touch him.

He nodded once, and he felt her relax towards him, taking a small step back with one foot, to turn herself a few inches towards him to make the grip on his jacket less awkward. The outside of her calf ended up brushing the inside of his, but she didn't move it away. After a moment her breathing calmed, and the trembling of her hand stopped. He held completely still for her, keeping his eyes on hers, waiting for her to be the one to break away.

“Did you come in here for something?” Gigi finally asked his reflection in the mirror. She couldn’t make him stand there forever, as much as she might like it.

“Yes.” He turned his head to her, still holding eye contact with a sideways glance in the mirror and a devilish smile. “I came to tell you I _do_ care about your feelings,” he murmured. “And I kinda fucking like it when you fight with me. More than just a little.” And then he was gone. She heard him call, “I’ll be back in a few hours with your next assignment,” before she heard the door to the apartment shut.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, still feeling him next to her, replaying the last few minutes in her mind.  She replayed the calming effect of having him so close to her, the scent of him, his breath on the back of her ear and the thrill which ran through her when she felt it. Once she had realized it was him, she instantly felt safe, and she wondered why, when a few minutes before she was questioning if he might hurt her. She surprised herself when she had practically melted into him. _I am so screwed._

_________

Negan stopped in the kitchen, and asked one of the cooks to make him lunch for two, so he could take it back to the apartment at noon. He also asked the woman to take a small plate of cheese, mustard and fruit up to the apartment now, so Gigi could make up for her lost breakfast. He then stopped to tell Arat to send custodians to find the dead animal in Gigi’s room and air out the place after they did.

After checking in with Simon, overseeing the unloading of some supplies which had come in from a run, and stopping to talk with a few of his men, he walked into Buck’s office with Lucille in one hand, notebook in the other. “Gentlemen, I need to speak to my associate for a minute.” The two workers walked out of the room at his command, leaving him and Buck alone.

“What can I do for you, boss?” the man asked with an air of familiarity. He was middle aged, and when he’d come to the Sanctuary a year ago he hadn’t been in the physical shape to be an enforcer or lieutenant. He had claimed he’d owned a successful sporting goods store before the turn, so Negan had put him in charge of his new points system, and paid the man more points than the other workers.  

“Want to talk to you about a couple of things, Buck.”

“Sure, boss.”

“First, let’s talk about Mikey.”

“Mikey?” the man asked him, not clear on who Negan was talking about.

“Yes. Mikey. The big fella. Kind of loud.”

“The retard?” Buck laughed, disdain in his voice.

“Could you be any less fucking sensitive?” Negan dramatically parroted Gigi’s words with disapproval.  “The term is intellectually challenged, asshole.”

“Yeah. He’s fucking challenged alright,” Buck laughed.

“Hey!” Negan yelled, bringing Lucille down on top of the table separating the two of them, making the man jump. He then lowered his voice several notches. “Not cool, Buck. Not cool. You know, I heard something today that pissed me off a little bit. And you know what happens when I get pissed off. He lifted Lucille off the now pock-marked table and brought it up under Buck’s nose. Buck swallowed, looking more than a bit nervous in his realization this wasn’t a friendly visit.

“You know what I heard? I heard you couldn’t be fucking bothered with giving Mikey a fucking job, and left the man to starve.” Negan rounded the table to get closer to the man, standing over him menacingly. “You fucking kick puppies, too?”

“No, sir. It must have been an oversight ...”

“Don’t even fucking try it.” Negan shook his head in warning. “Starting today, Mikey will get points just like everyone else. I’ll find him a fucking job to do.”

“Yes, boss. No problem.”

“It better not be a fucking problem!” Negan backed up a few steps, turning to walk back around to face the man across the table. “So, that’s settled. Now I need to see the notebook I gave you, with the points system information.”

Buck looked a little unsettled, fingering a notebook laying on the table next to his hand, then pulling it in front of him on the table. “I have everything right in here, boss.” Negan looked at the notebook, not recognizing it. The one he gave Buck initially was a duplicate of the one he held in his hand.

Negan noted the man’s nervousness. “All right. Let’s take a look at the numbers, Buck. My understanding is the workers are coming up short each week, and don’t have enough points to buy basic fucking necessities. Now I am thinking,” he explained in an exaggerated tone of confusion, “there must be a mistake in the goddamn numbers, because what I set up at the fucking beginning provided enough for people to get by.”

“I don’t know, boss.” Buck was looking more nervous by the minute.

Negan pulled Buck’s notebook closer, and flipped through the pages, finding what he needed, and then opened his own notebook to a specific page. Laying them side by side, he ran his finger down the columns of numbers and then flipped to the next page, doing the same.

“Huh!” Negan once again took on his tone of exaggerated confusion. “It’s strange, but the cost of goods in _your_ book doesn’t match what’s in _my_ fucking book!”

‘Maybe when I copied the numbers into the new book, I mixed up some of the numbers?” Buck tried to sound perplexed, but he wasn’t very convincing.

“It’s funny, but when I do the math here, it’s no wonder the workers don’t have enough fucking points to get by. Even stranger is the fact with these few points, the workers would barely have enough points each week to buy the basics, let alone luxuries like cigarettes and beer. Nate informed me, though, we are going through a decent amount of each, every week. Might lead me to believe the person in charge of the points system has their own little system going, stealing my goods for themselves and maybe the friends they play poker with each week. I wonder if I checked your room, if I’d find a bunch of my shit! What do you think, Buck?”

The man was literally shaking in his boots. Everyone knew there were rules, and there would be punishment if the rules were broken. “I don’t know what….”

“ _Don’t!_ ” Negan yelled in his face, cutting him off. “ _Do not_ attempt to give me a pathetic fucking excuse for your sorry ethics.” Negan pulled his own notebook back to his side of the table, pushing it aside. He pointed to the column of numbers in Buck’s notebook. “Can you read me each of the items on the page, and the points value?” Negan ordered without emotion, moving the book several inches to the man’s side and then back an inch as if he were trying to place it just so.

Buck looked perplexed, but leaned forward a bit to look at the page. “Belt, twenty points. Boots seventy-five points. Bra twenty points. Coat sixty points. ” He looked up at Negan, hesitating, wondering if he should continue.

“Go on.” Negan motioned with his index and middle finger for him to continue reading from the page, “But maybe you want to use your finger to follow along, Buck. Make sure you’re reading the numbers correctly, since you’ve fucked them up so badly in the past.”

The man put his finger on the page, clearly confused at the strange directive. He opened his mouth to continue reading when it dawned on him. “Aww, no! Please!”

“There it is!” Negan gave him a shit eating grin. “Little slow on the uptake are you?” In one quick motion, he swung Lucille up over his head, and brought her down on the man’s hand while his finger still rested on the book. Buck’s screams were heard down the hall as Negan mangled the appendage and the notebook with two more blows.  

“You called?” Simon appeared in the doorway at the sound of the man’s screams. He took in the scene, and patted the man on the back saying, “What a shame. Hope this won’t ruin your poker game tonight!” He lead Buck, moaning and crying, from the room to take him to Carson’s office. “You’re gonna want to hold your arm up over your head to minimize blood loss.” Negan heard Simon inform the man in a  matter-of-fact tone as they walked out the door. “Jesus, you’re really making a mess. Hope you have enough points to pay to have it cleaned up!’

On his way out of the room, Negan handed Lucille to one of the workers in the hall to clean, then stopped to get his lunch from the kitchen before he headed back to his apartment. On his way, he thought about the fact he had sent a snack up for Gigi, and now was bringing her lunch, like he was pussy whipped.

He thought about the amazing photo of her nude and decided he wanted her laying on top of _him_ nude.

Then he thought about watching her sleep last night like a stalker, and her precious fucking rambling in her sleepy state. _Since when have I ever fucking used the word precious? What the fuck?_

He mouthed a little  “Ooh” and scrunched up his nose as he pictured Gigi swearing at him, all feisty and shit. He could get a hard on just thinking about it.

He thought about the way he could _feel_ her when he was standing six inches or even a foot away from her, and the way her head unwittingly moved towards his mouth when he whispered in her ear in the bathroom.

Then it struck him. He was royally fucked when it came to this woman.

He chided himself a bit, giving Little Timmy a nod as they passed each other in the stairway. He needed to get over himself. _I have six, baggage-free wives right down the hall from me at my beck and call. Why in the fuck would I want to try to start something up with a woman who probably won’t be in a place to be with anyone, in any way, for god knows how long, because of the abuse she suffered at the hands of those assholes?_

He made up his mind once she got stronger, she would take up her position as one of his lieutenants. She would strictly work for him and help him run the show, and he would continue to play with his wives and everything would remain fucking peachy and uncomplicated.

He adjusted the tray of food, balancing it on one hand so he could unlock the door to his apartment with the other. He took two steps into the quiet room, hearing Gigi humming in the bathroom, followed by soft singing.

_Say a prayer for me tonight._

_I’ll need every prayer,_

_that you can spare,_

_to get me by._

_Say a prayer for me tonight._

_And while you’re praying,_

_keep on saying,_

_‘She’s much too young to die.’_

_Come to your Waterloo, whispers my heart,_

_Pray I’ll be Wellington, not Bonaparte._

_Oh, say a prayer for me this evening._

_Bow your head and please,_

_stay on your knees,_

_tonight._

She started off softly, but as the words went on, the volume and tone of her voice increased as she poured herself into it. She had a beautiful voice. He was mesmerized by the vibrato and the emotion as he stood there spellbound. When it was quiet again, he closed the door loudly enough to signal her he was back, not wanting to startle her again.

Gigi popped her head through the bathroom door. “Hey! Two hours already?” Her hair was tucked behind her ears, looking cute as shit, and she gave him a smile which assured him she was genuinely glad to see him.

“Hey,” he returned softly, staring at her, squinting in a way she hadn't seen before. “Wow. That was fucking amazing.”

Gigi didn’t know why he was staring at her in his strange way, but thanked him for the compliment. “I have a thing about singing in the bathroom. Well, when I’m cleaning. Or bathing. Anytime, really,” she laughed at herself.

Negan smiled at her and walked to the coffee table and put the tray down. “I brought lunch. Come, sit.”

“More food?” she asked, surprised. “You have a thing for feeding women?” She threw her cleaning rag back into the bathroom and approached him. Thanks for the cheese by the way.”

“I have a thing for feeding _you_. It’s doctor’s fucking orders. You need to put some meat on those scrawny bones,” was his response.

“Well, then thanks for taking care of me.” She smiled at him, grateful for his concern. She hadn’t had anyone look after her in awhile. It was a nice feeling. Maybe he wasn’t an egomaniacal cult leader after all. Or, maybe he was trying to fatten her up before a ritualistic slaughter. She was leaning towards the former, but knew she still hadn’t been at the Sanctuary long enough to get a handle on things, or get a handle on him.

“I'm finished cleaning, but I need another go at the grout in the bathroom. It's still a little dark. I can go at it again later today, or tomorrow if you have something else for me to do after lunch.”

Negan set napkins on opposite sides of the coffee table, and put down two plates. She sat on the sofa while he worked, and then waited for him to come back from the fridge with two bottles of water. He sat down across from her and motioned for her to eat. There was a sandwich packed with what looked like leftover pork, with sides of fruit and a home baked cookie.

 “What was the song you were singing?” Negan asked her before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“It’s a song from an old nineteen fifties movie musical my mother used to love. The musical ‘ _Gigi’_?”

“Gigi?” he shook his head, obviously unfamiliar with the musical, but it dawned on him, “Your mom named you after the main character? That’s pretty cool.”

“It’s really not.” Gigi laughed, shaking her head. She filled him in on the details of the story’s main character, her middle school strife, and her father’s cluelessness. Negan laughed with her, as they ate, her tale entertaining him thoroughly, laughing loudest at the perils of Jenny Mills and her wardrobe mishap. “The kids called her Nipsy for about six months afterwards!” She was tickled when he threw his head back and laughed heartily at the unfortunate nickname.

Negan wiped his fingers on his napkin and picked up a strawberry from his plate. “What was the song about, you were singing?”  

“It’s my favorite,” she informed him after swallowing a bite of her sandwich and washing it down with some water. “In the movie, Gigi falls in love with a playboy, a man who watched her come of age and go through training to entertain him or other men like him. She realizes, though, she has fallen in love with him, and she wants him to choose to only be with her, in a real relationship. Not keep her as one of many mistresses. She’s singing before she meets him that night, asking for a prayer for her heart. It will be going into battle for love, and she wants to win.”

She sang a few lines for him, again.

_Come to your Waterloo, whispers my heart,_

_Pray I’ll be Wellington, not Bonaparte._

_Oh, say a prayer for me this evening…._

She didn’t just sing it. She sang it _to him_. Looking in his eyes, giving him the emotion with her tone and facial expression. It took him over. Negan couldn’t take his eyes off of her as she sang, and was paralyzed, his arm stopping mid air as he reached blindly for another piece of fruit. He shook his head with a smile when she finished. “ _That_ was fucking awesome. I love being sung to,” he revealed, patting his heart over his leather jacket.

“‘Well, if you’re around me enough, you’ll get sick of it. I’m always singing.”

“Not happening,” he informed her.

“What's not happening?” Gigi asked, confused. “I can't sing? Or you don’t want to be around me enough to get sick of it?”  She chuckled at her self deprecating humor.

“What won't happen, is me getting sick of hearing it.” He shook his head for emphasis.

They were interrupted then by someone calling for him over his walkie talkie. He went back and forth with Arat, who informed him they had found the mystery carcass in Gigi’s room, and it was actually a _collection_ of carcasses that must have brought some of the rat poison they had put around the factory back to their nest in the ceiling above the room.

“I have workers up in there, cleaning it out, but I’m not sure if it will be fresh as a daisy by tonight,” Arat said, disgust heavily evident in her tone.

Gigi shuddered at the thought of it all. Negan huffed a silent laugh her way while he signed off with his lieutenant.

“You were out on the road fighting rotting fucking corpses face to face and the thought of sleeping under a rat’s nest is giving you the heebie jeebies?”

“Uh, yes?” Gigi replied, “But beggars can’t be choosers. I know it’s the only room available, and it’s that or sleep on the pool table again. Hopefully the odor won’t be so bad by tonight?” She didn’t sound convinced it would be.

“Don’t worry, princess. I’ll make sure you have a place to sleep which doesn’t fucking reek of dead vermin.”  

There was a knock on the door, which turned out to be one of the workers, returning Negan’s baseball bat. “She looks brand fucking new!” he admired after he closed the door.

“She?” Gigi asked, amused he had given his weapon a sex, like people used to give their cars.

“Lucille,” Negan explained, giving the bat a swing. “She’s my baby.”

“Huh. I think you might be a little bit too attached to your bat.” Gigi snarked  with a grin.

“Perhaps I am.”

______________

Gigi’s next assignment was cleaning the living area of his wives, “in case there are hoards of hidden fucking dirt there as well.” Negan noted in a voice of exaggerated concern as he she carried her bucket of supplies and mop down one flight of steps, down the hall and around the corner.

There was another set of the formal wooden doors, similar to the doors to his apartment. He didn’t use a key, but turned the knob of the right hand door, and held the door open for her to walk inside. Unlike his apartment, this room was decorated in a baroque style, with some modern touches. There were several formal looking tufted sofas, and a tufted round settee in the middle of the room. If she had to guess what the interior of a brothel looked like, she would guess this was probably close.

There were six young women, all dressed in a version of the proverbial little black dress, with high heels. Their hair was styled, and they wore make up, unlike any of the other women Gigi had seen since she arrived. They were all attractive, but she noted there were a variety of _types_. One was a petite fair skinned blonde, the next was a leggy redhead, one a voluptuous African American woman who sported an impressive amount of cleavage and some thighs worthy of a good nibbling.  A few were beautiful, the others pleasing to the eye. Negan had quite a varied taste in women.

She couldn’t help but notice none of them seemed the least bit interested someone had entered their space, even when Negan started to talk. “Ladies! This is Gigi.” His wives all looked at Gigi, half interested, taking her in. “She’ll be cleaning up the place for you. Be nice.” The women nodded and went back to what they were doing. A few were talking, two were playing chess, one was reading.

“Two hours?” he asked her, as he opened the door to leave.

“One and a half.” Gigi guessed after scanning the room and explained, “No bathroom.” She was grateful for the absence of a bathroom, as her back was already aching from scrubbing Negan’s.

Gigi took a turn around the room, figuring out where to start. “So you’re the new girl Negan has the hots for,” the red head approached her after Negan left.

“Excuse me?” Gigi returned with a furrowed brow.

I’m Frankie,” the young woman introduced herself. “It’s not a problem if he does.”  She put her hand on Gigi’s arm as she said it, stepping into her space.

“Not a problem if he …” Gigi wasn’t following Frankie’s conversation. She kept her voice friendly, but she wasn’t sure if this was a friendly chat or the beginning of a cat fight.

“If Negan has the hots for you,” Frankie explained. “I mean, we’re all used to sharing.”

“And how’s that working out for you?” Gigi joked, with a smile and a wink.

“It is what it is,” Frankie answered bluntly. “Safety and an easy life for a night or two each week with a handsome man … who’s good in bed. Things could be a lot worse. I could be out _there._ ”

Gigi suspected the _out there_ Frankie referred to meant outside of the compound. She found it interesting the young woman had no qualms about her arrangement with Negan, and Gigi was not one to judge. This was a new world, and people did all sorts of things to survive. Things which were a lot worse than sleeping with a handsome man, who offered them protection, one or two nights a week. _And he's good in bed? Interesting._

“Maybe you’ll be a wife soon, too,” Frankie suggested. “Since Negan likes you so much.”

“I think you must have me confused with someone else,” Gigi smiled at her. The conversation was more than a bit bizarre, but she was amused. _Maybe you’ll be sleeping with the same man I’m sleeping with, soon._ was what it boiled down to.

“You came in a couple of days ago? He found you while he was out on a supply run? He told me all about you last night,” the woman leaned in and whispered. “He was practically gushing about you. And Negan doesn’t gush.” Frankie lowered the tone of her voice, imitating Negan, “She fucking annihilated half a dozen fucking corpses on her own in less than a fucking minute with this fucking crazy cool dagger, all while she was seriously fucking injured.”

“Well, that part is true,” Gigi laughed at the woman's imitation of the man in charge, “but I think he was just admiring my mad skills with my blades.” She patted the tri blade sheath on her hip.

“I wish I knew how to really use a knife,” Frankie lamented, but then suggested, “You can teach me! I could trade something for lessons!” She was literally bouncing up and down with excitement. “I was a hair stylist for a while, before I was trained to be a massage therapist. Do you want a cut? You _need_ a cut.” she offered, playing with the ends of Gigi’s hair.

Now Gigi was excited. “God yes! It’s a deal.”

She and Frankie continued to chat as she cleaned, and the other girls joined in. Gigi found them sweet. Sheltered, but sweet. If they weren’t in this room, they’d be dead. The majority of them seemed to be okay with their situation, the exception was Amber, a skinny young blonde. She looked like she was in her young twenties, younger than the other women in the room, and a bit sulky.

When Negan showed up an hour later to get her, the room was full of laughter. Gigi was sitting on the settee with Yvonne, who was talking animatedly, one hand patting Gigi’s knee for emphasis, while the other women laughed and commented from their seats around the room.

“You ready, Mary Sunshine?” Negan called to Gigi. She really was something else.

“Mary Sunshine?” Gigi raised her eyebrows at him.

“Spreading fucking smiles and rainbows and shit all over my factory ever since you got here,” Negan teased with mock disgust.

“Maybe your factory was in desperate need of some fucking smiles and sunshine,” Gigi countered lightly as she grabbed her supplies and mop.

A collective “Oooohhhh!” went up from his wives, who loved how Gigi had the guts to throw Negan’s shit right back at him.

“Quiet down, girls,” Negan scolded as they turned to go.

Gigi went to the corner of the room, grabbed her cleaning supplies, and followed Negan down the hall. As they walked, she reached around to a sore spot on her back, touching it gently with her fingertips. It was burning, as if the wound had reopened, but there was no sign of bleeding.

Negan caught her trying to check her back with one hand.

“Did you hurt yourself? Pull your stitches?” Negan asked, concerned.

“I’m fine,” Gigi reassured him. “It’s not bleeding.”

“No, you’re not fine.” He stopped in the middle of the hallway, agitation in his voice. “Your back hurts, doesn’t it?” he asked her, after studying her face. “And you’re tired. It’s written all over you. But you just had to push to work ...”  He stopped his lecture mid sentence as Gigi smiled at him, which pissed him off a little bit. “What?” he asked her.

“You’re going to make me think you care, if you’re not careful, Negan.” Gigi taunted him.

“Fuck you, Gigi,” he said without malice, and turned on his heel to continue down the hall, and she laughed behind him as she followed. He was right. She had done too much, and she was tired and sore. “I’m fine. Maybe my boss will give me a break so I can rest a little bit. I’ll be good as new.”

They neared the infirmary, and there was a flurry of activity. Simon approached Negan, having  appeared from one of the infirmary rooms. “We’ve got a mess on our hands. I was just going to radio you.”

“Tell me.” Simon raised his eyebrows at Gigi, questioning whether his boss wanted her to hear their discussion. Negan nodded at him. She’d be in the middle of it soon enough, why the fuck not?

“Wade’s group found Dwight and Sherry, but John got bitten in the process. They amputated his arm on the scene to save him. Carson’s working on him now.”

“Shit!” the man in charge was obviously pissed.  “What about Tina?”

Simon simply shook his head, indicating the woman was dead.

“Damn it! Well that just fucking sucks! What about my fucking medicine and the goddamn fuel truck?”

“Dwight and Sherry handed the meds back over. Apparently they were headed back here when Wade found them. They say they don’t know where the fuel truck is, but I don’t know whether I believe them or not.”

“Where are they now?”

“In a cell, while we waited for your instruction.”

“Perfect.” Negan growled through gritted teeth. “They’re going to be sorry they fucked me over.”

“No doubt!” Simon grinned and patted his boss’s arm firmly before he turned back into the chaos in the hallway.

“I have to handle this.” Negan turned to Gigi, who was listening intently to the conversation, taking in the flurry of activity around her. “I want you to go rest.”

She nodded, with a smirk. “I’ll go find a nice pool table to curl up on.”

“You will _not_ fucking sleep on the pool table again,” he ordered definitively. “Here. He pulled out his key ring, and slid one key off it, handing it to her. Go up to my apartment and lay down. There’s Tylenol in the medicine cabinet.”

“You don’t have to ...” she started, but was cut off immediately.

“Go!” Negan’s tone left no room for argument, so she did exactly as she was told.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Say A Prayer For Me Tonight" is from the soundtrack "Gigi"
> 
> If you have a moment to spare, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Stay tuned for Chapter 5. It's one of my personal faves.


	5. Make Believin' Is Hard Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was a good foot shorter than he was, but her moxie had as much presence as his height as she tilted her head up to look him in the eye. “I thought you said I’d be safe here, Negan.” She murmured it lowly, for their ears only, calling on their one on one conversation the night before, her eyes showing her disappointment in him. She turned to walk past Simon, taking the power for the short term, leading him down the hall towards the stairwell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters of the story, so far, so I hope you like it too. Let me know. Things start to heat up from here. ;)
> 
> Happy weekend, my friends!

Negan’s couch was incredibly comfortable, and Gigi woke up three hours later, stomach rumbling. It was almost dinner time, so she used the bathroom to brush her teeth and calm her hair, then grabbed her backpack to head to the kitchen. She stopped on the exchange floor on her way, to see if Liz wanted to eat with her. The woman was glad to see her, and asked if  Gigi could wait for just a minute while she finished cleaning up her station before they went to eat.

She was helping Liz straighten up when she noticed the room went quiet. Looking around, people were dropping to one knee. Gigi’s eyes made their way to the second floor landing, where Negan, Simon and two of his lieutenants stood, taking in the room, waiting for the quiet. The leader’s eyes fell on her, still standing. He raised his eyebrows at her, and when she didn’t kneel, he used two fingers to gesture she should do so.

Gigi froze. Liz was kneeling beside her, and whispered up to her, “You have to kneel when he enters the room.” She grabbed Gigi’s hand and tugged lightly, in an effort to get her new friend to comply. Gigi tensed, not letting Liz pull her down.

Gigi’s physical response to the the implied request was immediate. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to cater to Negan’s royalty complex and kneel. She couldn’t physically make herself do it. Her throat got tight, and her gag reflex kicked in at the thought. She held on to Liz’s hand while her body swayed, a barrage of images and emotions flooding her mind and making her dizzy. Overwhelming her.

“Gigi!” Liz whispered loudly up at her, and she looked down at the woman, who was staring at her like she had two heads. “He’s calling you!” She looked up to see Negan, looking more than a little angry, jerking his head, motioning for her to come to him.

She looked up at him, like a deer in headlights while everyone else in the room dropped to one knee. When he motioned for her to kneel, she gave him a dazed look of incomprehension. _What the fuck?_ He was getting more pissed by the second. When it was clear she was not going to kneel, he just about gave himself whiplash jerking his head to beckon her. And she still stood there, looking dazed, until pecan woman pushed her in his direction. She stumbled forward, blinking rapidly, moving through the crowd with jerky movements towards the stairs.

He looked at the crowd below, their heads turning in curiosity, to see who it was Negan had called to him. To see who had refused to kneel. In his peripheral vision he saw Gigi’s foot catch on the first step as she started up the stairs to him. She held onto the railing for few seconds, getting her bearings before she continued up to the landing slowly. She didn’t look at him, but approached him with her eyes down, staring at the floor like she wasn’t even seeing it.

“Stand your ass right here, and don’t fucking move!” he hissed at her in a whisper, bending to knock the tip of Lucille on the landing twice. He didn’t know what the hell was going on, but her defiance in front of his people was unacceptable, and he wouldn’t tolerate it.

“Why do we have rules?” Negan turned and called to the crowd below, once Gigi complied.

“Rules keep us alive!” they responded, like churchgoers reciting liturgy.

“As you all may have heard, there have been a few instances recently where people have chosen to disregard the rules. What happens when you break the rules?”

“There will be punishment,” came the chorus of voices.

“Is stealing allowed at the Sanctuary?”

“No!”

“No, it is not!” he validated. “And when someone breaks a rule, it forces me to set an example! When someone breaks a rule, stealing from me, AND from you, they need to be punished! Punished so everyone can see what happens when you ... _break the rules!_

“It was recently brought to my attention Buck was stealing points from my workers, so he and his friends could live a life of luxury, while you people practically starved! Buck has been punished, and I personally have ensured a new point system will be in place from this moment forward which will not allow anyone to starve! And effective immediately, everyone gets an extra 100 points, to spend as you please!”

A cheer went up from the crowd, and the workers looked at each other in disbelief and happiness. Liz was looking up at Gigi on the landing with him, pure wonder and joy on her face. Her gaze landed on their leader, and he nodded at her in affirmation her new friend had a hand in her good fortune. “As you were!”

Negan knew rumors had been spreading about Buck’s hand, and about the return of Sherry and Dwight. He needed to let people know he was in control and action was being taken in response to disregard for the rules. But he also wanted them to feel he was looking out for their best interest, benevolent leader that he was.

He turned then to Gigi, who was standing beside and slightly behind him. “There are rules here,” he said to her, his tone dripping with barely concealed anger. “When I enter a room, my people kneel to show me respect.”  Negan was going to give her the benefit of the doubt this time, talking in a reasonable tone laced with irritation. “I know you saw people showing their respect this morning, but perhaps no one informed you of the rule?” Gigi looked up at him, but he knew from the look in her eye, she was in her own head. She was trembling and skittish. Trembling harder than she had in the bathroom that morning.

She looked from him, to his men, and seeing their smirks in response to her behavior and Negan’s reprimand, she took a nervous step back, like a cornered animal.

He turned to the three men, gesturing for them to go. “Gigi!” Negan snapped his fingers in front of her when they were gone, bringing her eyes back into focus.  She nodded at him. Whatever the fuck that meant.

She was struggling with something, he knew, but he couldn’t help her here, in a room full of his people. Especially when she had just defied him openly. He also needed to get back to the handful of problems he and Simon needed to solve. He pulled his walkie talkie to his mouth. “Arat! Meet me on the landing!”

“On my way, boss.”

Gigi was leaning against the wall behind him, looking more focused, but still shaking. He approached her, stopping at a respectable distance in front of her. “What’s going on, Gigi?”

She shook her head, indicating she didn’t want to talk about it. She started to raise her hand to the front of his jacket, but stopped herself, knowing it wasn’t appropriate here. She crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head once more, looking defeated.

“I can’t talk right now,” he lamented quietly as he stepped closer to her, his voice still laced with irritation. Simon came back through the double doors and signalled there was a pressing matter which needed his attention. “Will you be okay?” Her nod was so slight he almost didn’t see it. Arat came up the steps, and Negan ordered her to make sure Gigi got something to eat. “I worked her a little too hard today,” he confided, “so she’s not feeling so hot.” Gigi frowned at his cover story, and followed Arat down the steps, across the floor and through the doors which led to the hallway with the kitchen and cafeteria.

Gigi got a plate of pasta and made her way next door, to the table where Arat was sitting. Liz, who was eating at another table with the workers came over immediately to see if she was okay. “Are you in trouble?” Liz asked, putting her hand on Gigi’s shoulder gently.

Arat looked at her quizzically, as she listened to the conversation. Gigi was obviously not herself, and Arat had seen her hands shake as she’d accepted her plate of food from the kitchen staff, and again when she’d picked up her fork to eat. There was something more going on than a physically taxing work day. “What happened?”

“She didn’t kneel,” Liz replied softly so her voice wouldn’t carry further.

Arat stared at her, a look of concern on her face. “You _have_ to kneel, Gigi.” Arat implored, as if it was a matter of life and death. “You can’t refuse to kneel.”

Gigi shook her head and got up from the table. She couldn’t get into this matter with them, when she hadn’t sorted it out yet herself. “If someone is hungry, I’m finished.” She pushed her plate towards Liz, stood up and picked up her backpack, putting it gently over her shoulder. “I’m going to find a place to relax. It’s been a rough day.”

She didn’t know where she was going to go, but there had to be a quiet corner for her somewhere in this humongous building. She patted Arat on the arm, and moved to squeeze Liz’s hand before she left, when the room got quiet. She froze, watching as the people at the neighboring tables slid off of their seats and lowered themselves to the floor to kneel. She stood there, her back to the focus of their attention. She lowered her head, shaking it slightly.

“Do you _really_ want to do this?” Negan’s angry voice cut through the quiet air.

Gigi kept her head down to show contrition, but she knew it wasn’t enough. She knew she was challenging his authority for the second time, in front of a room full of people, and he would have to respond accordingly.

“Gigi!” he raised his voice. “If you know what’s good for you, you will turn around and fucking look at me.”

It was ridiculous, she knew, but all she could think of in the moment was the fact her gentile French name didn’t sound very pretty when someone was yelling it, even if they did pronounce it with a soft “G”.

She felt like she was moving in slow motion as she turned to face him, and brought her gaze up from the floor to look in his eyes. She didn’t like what she saw. “Well?” he challenged her with a clenched jaw. She knew he was giving her another chance to kneel out of respect for his authority.

“Gigi, please!” Liz whispered to her. Gigi didn’t understand Liz’s distress. Gigi could handle Negan’s anger. She could handle anything he threw at her. She just couldn’t kneel for him. She glanced at Arat, who was pleading with her eyes, from her kneeling position on the floor. Why was everyone overreacting to her refusal to feed his ego?

Ten silent seconds ticked by, and after a stare which could slice concrete, Negan turned to Simon, saying loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, “Take her the fuck out of here. Put her in a cell until I’m ready to deal with her.” Then he went about his business, as if nothing had happened, approaching three custodians and asking them to clean up a mess made by a water leak on the third floor, watching out of the corner of his eye as Gigi flinched when Simon grabbed her arm to lead her away. Watching as Liz put her hand over her mouth and gasped, and as Arat shook her head.

Negan stepped into the hallway after Simon and Gigi. “On the 2nd floor.” he directed Simon quietly, “not by the others.”

“Gotcha, Boss.”

Gigi couldn’t believe what was happening. “You’re putting me in a cell?”

She tried to move the ten feet to Negan to talk to him, but Simon’s grip on her arm kept her from walking more than a step. She looked from Simon to Negan incredulously, her body stiffening, eyes narrowing.

Negan watched her eyes move from him, then over her shoulder to Simon. Her movement was barely perceptible, but the fingers of her loose arm shifted slightly, and he knew she was moving her hand into position so she could free her dagger quickly. He shifted his eyes to Simon’s, giving him a slight shake of his head and his second in command immediately let go of Gigi’s arm.

She marched right up to Negan, stopping in his space, so he could feel the heat of her, smell the scent of her. She was a good foot shorter than he was, but her moxie had as much presence as his height as she tilted her head up to look him in the eye. “I thought you said I’d be safe here, Negan.” She murmured it lowly, for their ears only, calling on their one on one conversation the night before, her eyes showing her disappointment in him. She turned to walk past Simon, taking the power for the short term, leading him down the hall towards the stairwell.

 _Son of a bitch, she’s something else._ He smirked at Simon as the man looked back at him with raised eyebrows as he followed her. “The cell is very fucking safe, Gigi, I promise you!” he called to her, chuckling when she whipped one hand out to the side of her shoulder, signing for him to be quiet and still, as she had the first day they’d met.

Gigi lead Simon up the stairs to the second floor, and them let him lead her to a door at the end of the hall. He opened it, and she found herself looking into a six by ten closet. It was completely empty. There was no furniture, and were no fixtures.

Simon gestured for her to enter. “Your room, madame, until further notice.” Gigi stepped inside, looking around at the small space. “You wanna know what happened to the last person who refused to kneel for Negan?” he asked her, not waiting for a response. “Lucille bashed their head in.”

She didn’t acknowledge the information, even though it sickened her. Now she understood why Liz and Arat were so upset. She dropped her backpack on the floor against the wall. “Can you give him this for me, please?” She pulled Negan’s apartment key out of her pocket and handed it to him. “He’s going to need it.”

Simon could see Gigi’s hands shaking as she handed it to him, and assumed he had scared her when he verbalized her possible fate.  He turned the key over in his hand, realizing the implication. “He’s got a soft spot for you, you know.”

“Does he?” Gigi asked sarcastically, looking around the small room.

“Well, if he didn’t, your head would be all over the cafeteria floor right now.”

“That’s comforting.”

“It should be,” he replied, adding,  “I’ll need your weapons.”

“What if I need to go to the bathroom?” Gigi asked him as she removed her belt and gave him her two blades in their sheaths.

“You’ll be taken to the bathroom a couple of times a day, and you’ll be fed.” He reached down to grab her bag, opening it and rifling through it to make sure the contents were benign. Finding nothing threatening, he handed it back to her.

“Who has keys to this room?” The thought of a stranger being able to corner her in the small room made her nervous.

“Just Negan and me. We’ll give whoever is on Gigi duty the key, when they need it.” He smiled at her before he stepped out the door. “Okay, princess. Nighty night.” Then he closed and locked the door, and she was left alone in the dark.

She pulled herself into the corner of the room, pulling her knees up to her chest, resting her head on her crossed arms on top of her kneecaps until she finally fell asleep.

______________

Gigi woke up sometime later in the night, when Arat knocked and then opened the door. She came to walk Gigi to the bathroom to relieve herself. Gigi was surprised the woman didn’t have anything to say to her as they walked through the hall and down the steps to the lieutenants floor, where she followed Gigi into the bathroom to stand until Gigi came out of her stall.

“What are you gonna do?” Arat finally spoke as her new friend washed her hands. ‘I’m thinking it’s a good thing Negan didn’t do you in right there in the cafeteria. Maybe if you agree to kneel from now on, it’ll be okay?”

Gigi simply shrugged at her, drying her hands on a towel which hung on the edge of the sink, turning back to Arat to let the woman take her back to her cell. They both froze when they heard Negan’s voice in the hall outside of the bathroom.

“We can send the guys from outpost one over to the new community, since they’re closest. If they can collect enough food from the newbies, then we won’t have to send a truck load over every week.

“Sounds good.” Simon replied, “I’ll let Chuck know tomorrow. Maybe I’ll make the first trip over there with him myself, make sure we get off to a good start.”

Gigi looked at Arat with a question in her eyes, and Arat nodded in return. She would wait to take Gigi back to her cell, so she wouldn’t aggravate her situation further if she chose not to kneel.

When the voices retreated down the hall, and finally disappeared, Arat turned to her, “Why, Gigi? You know the last guy who refused to kneel for Negan got killed.”

Gigi nodded at her. “Simon filled me in.” The thought of death by Negan’s barbed wire bat was definitely horrifying. She couldn’t imagine him swinging Lucille with the intention of killing her, but if he felt strongly enough to kill over the matter of disrespect before, she couldn’t kid herself into thinking whatever connection she thought she and Negan had, would save her.

“Then why are you risking your life to try to make a point?”

“I’m not trying to make a point, Arat.” Gigi shook her head. “It goes much, much deeper than trying to make a point.”

Arat looked at her, waiting for an explanation. She couldn’t put herself out for this woman unless there was a damn good reason.

“I can’t talk about it yet.” Gigi put her hand on Arat’s arm as she explained, “I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk about it.”

Arat stared at her, trying to make sense of what Gigi was telling her, when it dawned on her. “I saw the bruises when we found you. And you have these … and the cuts on your back ...” Arat gently touched her fingertip to the bandana on one of Gigi’s wrists. “I saw you shaking today. Does it have something to do with what happened to you before we found you?”

Gigi could see Arat trying to put it all together. Trying to figure out why Gigi was pushing against Negan so hard. “Yes,” she murmured. “And its impact was huge. I need to work through it to see if I can be the good little follower he wants me to be. If I can’t, then maybe I’ll have to leave when he lets me out of the cell. _If_ he lets me out.”

Arat looked at her, mulling over the information, and suddenly informed her, “He’s never spent time with new recruits before. Made sure they were okay, made sure they were fed. He’s never let anyone sleep in his room. His _wives_ don’t even sleep in his room.” Gigi looked at her, wondering how Arat knew she had napped in Negan’s room.  “Laura and I figured it out. She saw him give you the key to his apartment this afternoon.

“He likes you, if that’s the right way to put it. Or cares about you? I don’t know, but he doesn’t even treat his wives the way he’s treated you over the last few days.” She was quiet for a minute, and then she found the right word to describe it. “He _respects_ you.” The woman said it as if respect wasn't something Negan gave easily or often.

Gigi pondered Arat’s thoughts, and countered, “Fat lot of good respect does me if he crushes my skull because I won’t show him the respect he wants.”

“Good point.” Arat walked to the door, expecting Gigi to follow. She walked her prisoner back to her cell, locking her in.

“Arat?” Gigi called through the door, “It sucks in here.”

“I’ll be back to visit my new bff. Don’t worry.” Arat smiled to herself.

“Arat?” Gigi wondered if she was still there.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Arat knocked on the outside of the door to signal her departure.

Fear, anger and sadness took Gigi over as she thought about the gruesome death which might await her. She’d managed to live through hell at the hands of three rapists, just to be killed by a man who was pissed she hadn’t followed his self-serving rules. She couldn't bring herself to believe the same man who comforted her in his apartment, who’d made her feel safe, would end her life. Until he’d ordered her into this cell, Gigi would have thought Simon was right. She would have thought Negan did have a soft spot for her. She hoped if he did have one, it was a big enough soft spot to save her life.

Tears began streaming down her face as all of the emotion she hadn’t had the time or luxury to deal with over the last months hit her like a tidal wave. She covered her mouth with her hands to muffle the sound, her body wracked with sobs as it all poured out of her into the darkness of the closet.

_____________

Negan wasn’t going to check on her tonight. He _refused_ to check on her tonight, even if he _was_ worried about her. She was a big girl. She could take care of herself, and she’d done it when she was up against much uglier things than a dark closet.

He was in his apartment, having just showered, nursing a bourbon on the rocks after spending a good part of his evening in between Yvonne’s voluptuous, dark caramel thighs. He was trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do with the pistol named Gigi who was being held in the second floor cell. All of the other crises of the day had been handled, and he finally had to time to think about what had happened with her earlier, and decide on appropriate action. This was the leader in him.

The man in him, the one who was totally fucked when it came to the pistol in the second floor cell, wanted to go to her and make sure she was okay. He wanted to make it okay _for_ her. _Christ, I'm acting like a fucking pussy._

It was a given he couldn’t just let her defiance go. His people knelt when he came into a room. It was the fucking rule, and everyone had seen her break the rule. _Twice_. If he wanted to maintain his authority, there had to be consequences.

But he had seen her struggling, dazed and trembling, backing away from him and his men in fear, like a cornered animal … like she was having some sort of PTSD episode or something. _Oh fuck._ _She was having some sort of PTSD episode._

He didn’t need this. Her shit was becoming too fucking complicated. He had a community to run, and a business to run, and a military to lead. He needed to distance himself from this woman, and the sooner the better.

_______________

At 2:00 in the morning, after he’d laid awake for two hours, thinking about the pistol in the cell, Negan found himself standing outside of the closet on the second floor, both hands on the door in front of him, listening to Gigi cry. His resolve crumbled, and he unlocked the door, swinging it open. She was sitting with her back to the corner, so her sides hit the two walls, not her back. Her legs were out in front of her, head back and cradled in the juncture. She squinted at him with puffy eyes, against the sudden light in the room, wiping them with the cloth tied around her wrists, the task made more difficult by pronounced shaking.

He studied her, as she pulled her head up and straightened her back to meet his eyes. He stepped into the closet, motioned with his fingers, for her to come to him. She tilted her head and furrowed her brow in curiosity, but rose immediately as he requested. The significance of this didn't go unnoticed by him.

Hearing footsteps coming down the hall, he made sure she was within arm’s reach before he closed the door behind him, shielding his visit from the possibility of prying eyes, leaving the room in total darkness.

He took a half a step closer, and then another, until he could hear and feel her in his space. He reached his hand forward in the dark, finding her hand with his, bringing it up to lay on the side of his face, nodding so she could feel it, not needing words.

Gigi understood what he was offering, and his touch was permission, in her mind, to reciprocate. She let out a gush of breath as she splayed her trembling fingertips on the side of his neck, pressing the tips of two fingers driven to a spot below his jawline where she could feel his pulse. She had always found the sound of a heartbeat calming, and she was sure the feel of it would be, as well. She did not hesitate to move closer to him, the need for relief from her upset overshadowing any self consciousness that she should be feeling at forcing herself onto him. He definitely didn’t seem to mind, his movements complimenting hers. She tilted her head up to his as he lowered his own to her. She settled her cheek against the side of his mouth, and she fidgeted against him for a few seconds, moving until his lips were resting right in front of her ear.

He could feel her relax into him, as if she was physically moving some of the weight of her burden onto him to carry. As she shifted herself towards him, his hand went to her waist, gently resting there. They stood without moving, and after a minute he realized she had synced her breathing with his breath in her ear. The fingers of her free hand were lightly tapping out his heart beat on his shoulder. Her trembling lessened a bit more as each minute counted by.  

He waited. And not impatiently. There was nowhere he would rather be, than in this moment. Feeling her against him, helping to calm her angst. Keeping the spitfire safe from her fucking demons because maybe she did need him to keep her safe in some way, shape or form.

When he could feel she was calm, he found himself nuzzling the side of her face with his lips. She immediately moved her head in opposition, to broaden the strokes across her skin, letting out a whimper at the sensation.The sound set Negan on fire. A fire which hadn’t burned in him for a long time. His lips stopped at the corner of her mouth, and he stilled. He couldn’t do this here. Now wasn’t the right fucking time.

Gigi shared his breath, feeling it’s warmth, smelling a faint hint of toothpaste and liquor. This man roused a heat in her belly she was thrilled to acknowledge. She wanted to shout for joy at her body’s response to him, after fearing she would never want to be intimate with any man, ever again.

But Negan wasn't just any man. He was powerful and handsome and masculine. For some reason, when they were physically connected it grounded her. The fact he was more than just a little bit of a bad boy, but also seemed to want to take care of her, made him irresistible.

In that moment, she knew. He wasn’t going to hurt her.

The stall of his lips was making her crazy with want. She needed to feel him and to taste him. She moved her hand to touch his lips with her fingertips, tracing them with her index finger. She gasped when she felt his tongue snake out and lick the tip.

In the pitch black room, her senses of hearing and touch were heightened. His tongue was electric as it swiped across her fingertip. She felt, as well as heard his small chuckle at her gasp, and felt his lips quirk up on one side. She could hear him breathing heavier, just as she was.

Negan stepped back from her, just a few inches, but enough to break their connection. Enough to let her know playtime was over. “Why won’t you fucking kneel for me, Gigi?”

She let out a loud sigh, and stepped further back from him. “It’s not that I won’t. It’s that I can’t.”

He huffed out a “huh,” in the dark, and after a moment, rephrased his question. “Why _can’t_ you fucking kneel for me, Gigi?”

She shook her head in the dark, knowing he couldn’t see it. “I can’t…” was all she could force out of her mouth. It wasn’t whiny. It wasn’t dramatic. It was a simple statement, conveying she couldn’t kneel, and she couldn’t tell him why. She had purged all of the emotion with her tears, but she still hadn’t worked it out in her mind. She needed to talk it out in her head, and lay it to rest before she could explain it to him. It was the way she dealt with all of the weighty matters in her life, and this beast she needed to come to terms with would be no exception.

She heard him move in the dark, heard the rattle of the door handle, and was suddenly bathed in the dim light from the hallway. He didn’t look back as he left the room, shutting and locking the door behind him.

______________

Negan sent Fat Joey the next morning to bring Gigi her breakfast, instructed Laura and Arat to make sure she was taken to the bathroom through the course of the day until he told them otherwise, and then went about his business. He put Gigi out of his mind, and dealt with the matters at hand.

He had a strategy meeting with his lieutenants, deciding how to handle a new community they had put under their thumb a few days before. Outpost four would benefit from the small community’s goods, and keep the new group in line.

He made a final decision on the matter of Sherry and Dwight and their thievery. He had planned on stringing Dwight up on the fence to be left as a snack for the dead, but was pleasantly surprised when Sherry offered herself up to be one of his wives, in place of her sister, if Negan would spare Dwight. It was an offer he couldn’t refuse because Sherry was, after all, super hot like her sister.

Negan decided he couldn’t be too easy on Dwight, despite Sherry's offer, and implemented a new punishment for the man, disfiguring him by burning his face with an old cast metal iron he heated in the furnace on the factory floor. He hadn’t thought about the impact of the smell of burning flesh, and the screams of the tortured man would have on him before it was happening, but he certainly wouldn’t forget them now that it was over. Maybe a little get to know you tumble with his new wife would help him to forget, he reasoned as he walked away from the factory floor, leaving everyone in his wake stunned and horrified at his actions.

He made his way to the second floor, to casually walk by Gigi’s cell. Because he could walk wherever he damn well pleased because every square inch of the Sanctuary belonged to him. As he came up the stairway, and rounded the corner into the hallway, he heard the sound of Fat Joseph’s laughter ringing down the hall, and when the man finally came into view, Negan saw he was sitting on the floor next to the door of Gigi’s cell, his upper body moving to the beat of an unheard tune. It was obvious he was dancing, as he snapped his fingers and bobbed his head.

Joey hadn’t noticed Negan yet, so the boss stood still and watched, finally hearing a faraway voice from inside the closet, singing what sounded like a Prince song. The one about going crazy _._

“Fat Joseph!” Negan yelled loud enough to startle the man, smirking when he jumped. “What the _hell_ are you doing?” The voice in the closet sang another line before the songstress finally registered Negan’s voice and quieted.

“I brought Gigi her lunch.” Joey explained, as if it was sufficient reason for him to be floor dancing in front of the closet.

“And why are you still here, and dancing, Fat Joseph?” Negan questioned him sternly, trying to make the man think he was in trouble, just for fun.

“Because it’s Fender Friday?” Joey explained meekly, like it was all the information Negan would need to understand what was happening in front of him. Joey went on to explain, “Fender Friday. You know, songs from artists who played a Fender guitar, a Stratocaster or Telecaster....” Joey trailed off, nodding at his boss like Negan should completely understand.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Prince, George Harrison, Jimi Hendrix all played Fenders … you just missed a _great_ rendition of Purple Haze!”

“Fender Friday,” Negan dead panned.

“Yep, and tomorrow is Sexy Saturday.  We just came up with the playlist. It’s awesome!”

“Joey?”

“Yes, boss?”

“Get the fuck out of here!”

Joey scrambled to his feet and started to go, before he turned back to the door, and called, “Bye, Gigi!”

“Bye, Joey!” came Gigi’s cheerful voice from behind the door. Then she added,  “Thanks for coming by!” as if he had stopped by her apartment for a drink after work. Negan stood there watching the man go, shaking his head, and after a moment the voice behind the door started singing again, belting out an Eric Clapton classic.

_What'll you do when you get lonely_

_And nobody's waiting by your side?_

_You've been running and hiding much too long._

_You know it's just your foolish pride._

_Layla…._

____________________

When Negan walked by the cell early Saturday morning, he heard Gigi’s sultry voice singing,

_I know you want it._

_It’s easy to see._

_And in the back of your mind you know_

_you should be home with me._

 

_Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

_Don't you?_

_Don't You?_

He spent the rest of his walk around the building and perimeter wondering, if indeed, she was a freak in the sack, and the thought intrigued him. He had to admit to himself his wives were all a bit conservative in bed, and the thought of getting his freak on with a woman of Gigi’s caliber was more than a little fucking appealing.

At lunchtime on Saturday, Arat and Laura were keeping Gigi company from the hallway outside of the cell door. The two women were sitting on either side of the door frame on the floor, eating their sandwiches and laughing about Laura's boyfriend before the turn, who apparently liked to wear her lace panties when they went to her mom's house for dinner. The girls had no qualms about continuing the conversation as Negan walked by, and they howled with laughter about the look on her mother’s face at one visit, when her boyfriend bent over and her mom got a peek of some hot pink lace.

After dinner on Saturday, Liz and Mikey were visiting the pistol in the cell on the second floor, having gotten approval from Arat. Liz was standing with her hand on the door, and Mikey laying on the floor on his belly, talking to Gigi through the one inch gap between the bottom of the door and the floor, poking his fingers into the dark space, seeking her out physically. He was telling her Negan had given him a job sweeping the floors and taking out trash.  He was especially excited about the fact Negan didn't hit him with Lucille, because he knew Negan hit people a lot and he was sure it would hurt.

Liz almost panicked when she saw Negan approaching, knowing he must have heard what Mikey said, but Negan surprised her with a wink and a chuckle.  He said hello to the man on the floor as he passed by, after Mikey greeted him with a wave and a loud, “Hi, Negan! Hi!” because they were buddies now.

Early Sunday morning, before most of his people were out of bed, in the second floor hallway Negan was treated to the sound of Gigi announcing it was Showtune Sunday on WSAV radio, broadcasting from the Sanctuary in Northern Virginia. Her voice was low, smooth and sexy as she rattled off the weather and the local news, which consisted of only one story about a female inmate at a local prison who had died after being kept in barbaric conditions, in a dark, overheated cell with poor ventilation. An autopsy was performed and the medical examiner found the inmate’s heart was broken. The cause of death, loneliness and boredom.

Listening to her, Negan was convinced she had been a deejay before the world ended. He leaned on the wall across from the closet, listening as she announced the next song was a personal favorite from _Jesus Christ Superstar_.

_I don’t know how to love him._

_What to do, how to move him._

_I’ve been changed._

_Yes, really changed._

_In these past few days_

_When I see myself_

_I seem like someone else._

Gigi lowered herself to lay on the floor on her stomach as she sang, one eyeball looking through the gap under the door trying to take in some light, her cheek pressed to the cool floor. She was surprised to see Negan's boots crossing and uncrossing in front of the opposite wall. She pictured him leaning against the wall, listening to her. She sat up and drew up her body, singing from her diaphragm, belting out the song. And just in case case he knew that she knew he was there, she reworked some of the lyrics and left out out the heavier references references to the “L” word, to make it it a nice little romantic song.

_I don’t know how to take this_

_I don’t see why he moves me_

_He’s a man_

_He’s just a man_

_And I’ve had so many men before_

_In very many ways_

_He’s just one more._

 

_Should I bring him down?_

_Should I scream and shout?_

_Should I speak of us?_

_Let my feelings out?_

_I never thought I’d come to this_

_What’s it all about?_

 

_Don’t you think it’s rather funny_

_I should be in this position_

_I’m the one_

_who’s always been_

_So calm, so cool, no lover’s fool_

_Running every show_

_He’s scares me so_

 

_I never thought I’d come to this_

_What’s it all about?_

 

_Yet, if he said he loved me_

_I’d be lost, I’d be frightened_

_I couldn’t cope_

_Just couldn’t cope._

_I’d turn my head_

_I’d back away_

_I wouldn’t want to know_

_He scares me so_

_I want him so_

When she finished the rest of the song, she scrambled down to the floor to see if he was still there, and almost gasped when she saw his feet only a few inches away from the door. She held her breath, backing up from the door quietly, hoping he would open it and come in.

He didn’t.

___________

_Why the fuck does she get to me this way? It was a fucking song. She wasn't singing it to me. She didn’t even known I was there. But it sounded like she knew. I could feel the fucking emotion in her voice. What kind of fucked up shit was it I kept moving my pitiful ass across the floor towards her, a few inches at a time? I didn’t even realized I was doing it until I touched the fucking door. What the hell kind of shit was that?_

_It was just a fucking song._

___________

By Sunday afternoon, word had gotten around there was entertainment on the second floor, and every time Negan passed by, there were a few people sitting on the floor close to the cell, listening to Gigi sing. One had her head back against the wall with her eyes closed, just listening, another reading. Dr. Carson was there at one point, with Simon, and they discussed  a list of needed medical supplies to find on the next run as Gigi sang the song from the musical _Rent_ with all of the numbers. The one his real wife, Lucille, used to sing about _five hundred thousand something fucking minutes. Who the fuck would write a song about a bunch of minutes?_ He always hated that song.

“You gentlemen need a cocktail while you relax in the lounge?” Negan asked sarcastically as he approached.

“Sounds great!” Simon answered, “A shot of Cuervo for me.” He looked at the doctor with raised eyebrows and a point of his index finger, as if to ask what form of libation he preferred. Dr. Carson just looked confused as Negan flipped Simon the bird over his shoulder as he continued down the hall, as Gigi started into a ballad from West Side Story.  

___________

On his way back from quality time with Tanya, at one in the morning, Negan passed Joey in the hall. He was whistling _There’s A Place for Us_.

“What’s tomorrow?” Negan asked as he walked by.

“Tomorrow? It’s Monday.” Fat Joey looked at Negan sideways, wondering why the man didn’t know what day of the week it was.

“Sexy Saturday, Showtune Sunday...what’s Monday?” Negan asked him as if it was not at all a strange question.

“Ohh, right! Me Amo Monday.” Joey smiled at him, then translated seriously, “Love songs.” Negan nodded and continued on to his apartment.

On Monday, Arat took Gigi to Dr. Carson’s office to get her stitches removed, after which she kept her company for lunch and took her for a bathroom break.

Dr. Carson removed the stitches, assured her she was healing well, and had gained three and a half pounds since she’d arrived.  She would be ready to do some light duty work once she was out of the cell, as long as she didn't strain the wounds on her back, and promised to keep eating and drinking to put on weight and stay hydrated.

“Will you let Negan know you’ve cleared me for light duty?” Gigi asked him, excited she could start the search for her children as soon as Negan let her out of her cell.

“Yes, I will. Then maybe he’ll get you out of solitary and back into general population,” he joked, while he shook his head sympathetically.

“One could only hope.” Gigi sighed as she followed Arat out the door and back to the closet.

Negan sat with Dr. Carson and Simon at dinner on Monday, listening to them discuss which they liked better from Showtune Sunday,  Gigi’s version of _Tears On My Pillow_ from the movie _Grease_ or _Somewhere Over The Rainbow._ Negan was actually sorry he missed hearing the Judy Garland classic.

When he walked by the cell on the second floor a few hours later, Simon, Arat, Fat and Skinny Joey were all sitting on the floor outside of Gigi’s cell, listening to her sing while they chatted, Skinny Joey was repairing a walkie talkie, and Arat was drawing in a sketchbook on her lap.

“Next decade!” Simon called to Gigi when she finished singing _Groovy Kind of Love._

“Wait a minute!” Skinny Joey called through the door, “Wasn’t that song released in the eighties? You lose Gigi! You were supposed to sing a love song from the sixties!”

“Yes it was, Joey,” came Gigi’s voice through the door, “Phil Collins sang the eighties version, but The Mindbenders released a version in the mid sixties, shortly after it was written. So I’m still winning. Now, I need one from the seventies.”

“I can think of some good love songs from the seventies!” Simon offered.

“No helping!” Arat protested as a song started from behind the door.

_Love hurts_

_Love scars_

_Love wounds_

_And marks, any heart_

_Not tough, or strong enough_

_To take a lot of pain_

_Take a lot of pain_

_Love is like a cloud_

_Holds a lot of rain..._

“Ahhh, Nazareth!” Simon sighed, “I roller skated with my very first girlfriend to _Love Hurts_ at Skateland when I was in the fifth grade.  “Good memory.”

Negan shook his head as he walked by, thinking his pistol wasn’t really experiencing the true meaning of solitary confinement.

At four in the morning on Tuesday, Negan could hear Gigi, still singing in her cell as he walked by on his way back to his apartment from Amber’s room. His youngest wife was an incredibly boring fuck and a little needy, and he always ended up coddling her for a few hours longer than his other wives. He wasn’t sure she was worth the effort.

Gigi’s voice sounded a bit hoarse, and she sang more softly than she had earlier in the day. “You better get some fucking sleep, Gigi!” he called through the door as he passed. He listened as she ignored him and started another song to the tune of a childhood ditty about a farmer who had a dog.  

_“There was a man who ran this place,_

_and Dickhead was his name-o_

_D-i-c-k-head_

_D-i-c-k-head_

_D-i-c-k-head and Dickhead was his name-o.”_

_That doesn't even fucking rhyme._ He pursed his lips as he heard her giggle at herself. He moved closer to the door calling, “I’m still _here_ , Gigi.”

“I know.”

He avoided the cell on Tuesday, for most of the day, while he stewed about how long he should leave the pistol in her second floor closet. He realized he missed getting to know her, but the dickhead song wasn’t really convincing him she had learned a lesson in the time she’d spent in the closet.

He made up his mind, while he ate his dinner with wife Kaley, he would cut his evening short with his second favorite wife and see if Gigi was ready to talk to him about her refusal to kneel.

He said goodbye to Kaley at nine without so much as a blow job, leaving her wondering if he was feeling okay, or if maybe he was getting tired of her. Negan never came by to just have dinner and talk, and he had seemed distracted for the few hours they’d spent together.

As he stepped onto the landing of the second floor hallway, he heard a spirited version of the rock classic _Bohemian Rhapsody_ being sung in several parts.

The first line he heard was faint, about a silhouetto of a man, but then he was sure it was Fat Joey’s voice he heard next,

_Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango?_

Then Simon in a deep bass,

_Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me_

_Galileo_ ,

Must be Laura.

 _Galileo_ ,

Definitely Arat.

 _Galileo_ -Laura

 _Galileo_ -Arat

 _Galileo, Figaro!_ Skinny Joey chimed in.

 _Magnifico!_ All six of them.

It was too much. He was tired of Gigi’s disregard of the fact punishment was not supposed to be fun. He stormed into the hall, “Are you fucking kidding me?” he roared. “ _Enough_!”

The two Joeys, Simon and the two women made quick work of scattering, moving down the hall, around the corner and out of sight in no time, but Negan heard a faint, “That _rocked_!” from Skinny Joey as they descended the stairs to the lieutenants floor, and a faint, “Buzzkill,” coming from inside the closet.

When Gigi heard Negan yelling in the hallway, she wondered if she hadn’t pushed her luck a bit when she encouraged a sing along on Classic Rock Twofer Tuesday, but it really wasn’t her fault if people couldn’t help joining in on Queen’s biggest hit.

The closet door handle rattled as Negan unlocked it, and then he threw the door open. She could see, in the light of the hallway he had a dangerous, pissed off look on his face, and she knew trying to recreate the sound of the one hundred and sixty vocal tracks of Queen’s masterpiece was definitely a mistake. Maybe more so since she’d called him a dickhead, unapologetically, the night before.

Negan stomped into the closet, took one look at Gigi, and stopped in his tracks, as he took her in from head to toe. She was standing there, in nothing but tan underwear and sports bra, her skin and the hair around her face wet with perspiration.

“What the fuck, Gigi?” he questioned her. He was amused as he eyeballed her outfit, all the anger suddenly gone from his voice and his face.

“What?” she whined at him seriously, looking down at herself.  “It’s hot in here!”

He ran his tongue across his bottom lip, and Gigi could see he was trying to hide a smile as he turned to the side, looking away from her to be polite about her state of undress. “Doesn’t your grandmother want her fucking underwear back?”

“You are such a jerk,” she muttered, picking her cargo pants up off of the floor and yanking them up her legs. “You know if you didn’t have a hundred wives who get first dibs on all of the good lingerie, I’d be wearing something cuter than this.” _I feel the need to defend my_ ugly _underwear to him?_ _What the hell is wrong with me?_

She jerked her tank top down her torso, hissing in pain when the fabric scraped the wounds on her back. They might be healed over, but a lot of them were still very sensitive and there were still a lot of scabs.

“You okay?” Negan turned and took a step towards her, genuinely concerned.

“I’m fine!” she growled at him. “What do you want?”

“What do I _want_ ?” his concern turned to aggravation at her question. “What do I _want_?” he repeated, louder. He was tempted to leave her the fuck in there for another five days, but he stepped out of the room, and motioned for her to follow him. “Get your ass out here. We need to have a little chat.”

He lead her up to his apartment, where she dropped her bag on the floor inside of the door. “Do you mind if I use your bathroom?” She didn’t wait for him to reply, walking into the room in question and shutting the door.

“I guess not,” he quipped at the closed door, with raised eyebrows and a tilt of his head.

A minute later he was surprised to hear the shower turn on. He shook his head in disbelief as he heard the shower door slide shut and then her groan, he assumed, when the water hit her. He supposed a shower would be groan worthy after several days in a hot closet without being able to clean up.

Negan grabbed the bottle of wine he had opened for her the first night they talked in his apartment, and poured a glass for Gigi. Then he poured himself a bourbon, straight up. He took both glasses, and the open bottle of wine and set them on the coffee table.

He heard Gigi start to sing enthusiastically,  “ _I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas_...”

He sat on the couch, taking a drink from his glass, grinning about how only Gigi could make a pair of old lady underwear and a sports bra look sexy, even if she was a little thin. He was going to make sure she put the weight on Doctor Carson had recommended. He wanted a little more of her to grab onto, assuming he'd get the fucking chance.

_“Only a hippopotamus will do.”_

The phys ed teacher in him loved her slim, muscular legs, and her flat and toned stomach. Her titties were more than a mouthful, and he was definitely not a man who minded a little waste.

_“I don't want a doll, no dinky, tinker toy.”_

He thought about her first day in the cell, when she had whimpered as he ran his lips across her cheek. He’d been surprised at her response, as well as his own. He wanted to hear her sexy ass whimper again.

_“I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy. Only a hippopotamus will do!”_

The bathroom door opened after a few more minutes, and Gigi came out, hair wet, wearing the large men’s bathrobe he rarely used, which hung on the back of the bathroom door. She was all business as she walked over to her backpack and picked it up to rifle through it, pulling pieces of clothing out, then shoving them back in, unhappy with what she found. “I don’t know why I even looked. Of _course_ everything is nasty from being worn several times!”

She walked over to his dresser, and turning back to him she raised her eyebrows, and pointed from one drawer to the next, impatiently. “Boxers? Or sweatpants of some kind?”

Negan stared at her. “Top right,”  he finally answered. He was amused at her assumption he would be okay with lending her clothes.  She found a pair of black boxer briefs and slid them up her legs under the robe.  He caught a tiny glimpse of an insanely fine, albeit a little scrawny, ass as she worked them into position over her waist, and then rolled them down a couple of times so they sat below her belly button. He definitely would like to fatten her up a bit. Her hip bones were too pronounced. _But I want to nibble the shit out of them anyway._

She reached back into the drawer and grabbed a wife beater, which she carried, along with her bag, into the bathroom. Negan heard the water run in the sink for a few minutes, then she came back out of the bathroom, sans robe, wearing only his tank top and rolled down boxer briefs. No bra. It was the hottest fucking thing he’d ever seen. The bottom of the tank top was bunched up above her belly button, and the boxer briefs were sliding down her hip bones. She rolled them one more time to help tighten them up, then pulled the tank top down over them.

With his hair brush in her hand, she padded over to him in her bare feet and sat down close to him on the couch, with her back to him. She held the  brush over her shoulder like it was a given he would take it and use it, while she picked up the full glass of wine from the coffee table, drinking half of it down in one gulp.

 _She is something fucking else._ Negan couldn’t decide if she was incredibly bold, or incredibly comfortable with him as he turned to face her, bending his closest leg so his shin rested on the couch against her rear end, while his other leg was still bent over the edge of the seat, foot on the floor. He put the brush to her hair, tentatively running the bristles through to get an idea of whether they would catch in a lot of knots. He breathed her in, smelling a mix of toothpaste, his soap and shampoo.

Gigi took another drink of her wine as he worked, running the brush along her scalp in short strokes to give her a bit of a scalp massage, and then used longer strokes to brush towards the ends which fell below her shoulders. He stopped each time he hit a snag, working it gently with the brush until the tangle came free.

As he brushed, Negan noticed scars on her back and shoulders, peeking out from under the thin straps of the tank top. Straight lines and curves piqued his curiosity about what pattern they created under the fabric. They definitely weren’t random marks. He stopped brushing, and lightly ran his index finger along one totally healed scar, then another, examining the raised lines with his fingers, some of them red, some pink.

Gigi turned her head to look at what he was touching, looking at the lines with him. “He added the detail, after he outlined his masterpiece. He started at the top and worked down,” she explained to him without drama, “which is why my lower back is still a mess.”

He rested his forehead on the back of her neck for a moment, and she could feel him shake his head almost imperceptibly, before he raised it again and continued brushing her hair. When the knots were gone, job done, he put the hairbrush on the coffee table, and put both of his hands into her wet hair, running his fingertips from the top of her head down to her neck, and then repeated the motion, starting above both ears, moving back around them and down.

She gave a little hum of satisfaction at his touch, and then started to talk very matter-of-factly as he continued his massage. “It’s not that I don’t want to show you the respect you want, Negan. It’s that I can’t kneel for you. Right now I physically and emotionally can’t do it.” She drank down the rest of her wine, hoping for some liquid courage, and set the empty glass on the table.

“I don’t even know how to explain it, other than to tell you those men did horrible things to me while I was on my knees. They hurt me. Humiliated me.” The images of what had happened to her started to creep into the forefront of her mind, making her shudder. She tried to find a way to convey what she had experienced, without giving him details he didn’t need to hear. Details she didn’t want to think about again.

“They would make a game out of asphyxiating me … and they didn't do it with their hands.” She shook her head as she talked about it. She kept her back to him as she spoke, looking down at her hands, twirling her husband’s ring on her thumb. “They took turns making me black out from lack of oxygen. If I resisted, or if I bit them, they beat me. They would fight over who got to make me pass out each day, and joke about how many seconds it would take to do me in. I could hear them laughing about it while I lost consciousness. Each time I wondered if maybe this would be the time I wouldn’t wake up.”

“Fucking degenerates,” Negan responded softly. His hands had slowed in her hair as his anger increased while she divulged her story. He was furious at the picture of what she was describing. Livid at the men who’d hurt her. He was more than pissed at himself for being such an asshole in his power play with her he’d forced her to talk about the heinous experience. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him gently, onto his lap.  Resting his lips on her shoulder, he apologized. “I’m sorry, Gigi.”

“What are you sorry for, Negan?” She turned her head to rest her chin on his forehead.

“I’m sorry they hurt you. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I'm sorry there are monsters out there taking advantage of this fucked up world,” he explained softly, his lips moving on the skin of her shoulder as he talked, “and I’m sorry I’m such a fucking self absorbed prick I didn’t consider you may have a valid reason for not kneeling.”

Gigi put her hand back, laying her palm on the side of his face, as he ran his lips across her shoulder.  “I think being a self absorbed prick is a prerequisite for dictatorship.” She winked at him, when he looked up at her, and smiled the most beautiful smile which was so knowing, but also so accepting of his flaw he suddenly felt unworthy of her attention and affection. It was a new feeling for a man who normally felt the world should fall at his feet, and it humbled him. _What the fuck?_

She turned sideways on his lap, her cheek brushing his as she looked over his shoulder then instructed him, “Lay back,” as she pushed on his chest with her shoulder. Negan lowered himself down to lay on his back on the couch. She then promptly turned her back to him once more, and crab walked a few inches up his body and sat on his abdomen, lowering her back carefully down onto his chest. Her head was on his shoulder so when she turned it, her nose and lips were touching his neck. “Give me.” She held her hands up, wiggling her fingers to let him know she wanted his hands in hers.

“You are awfully bossy for someone who was recently released from solitary,” Negan admonished, despite the fact he was loving dominating Gigi. He liked their physical closeness seemed perfectly natural for them, and his body was humming with the thrill of feeling her pressed to him.

“Yes, I am,” she confirmed and went on. “The world has ended, Negan, and knowing any given day could be my last day on earth has made me realize there is no time for games, or time for creating regret for a lost moment. I know what I want. I’ll tell you what I want, and you can tell me if you aren’t comfortable with giving it to me. It’s simple, really.”

“Shouldn’t that be the guy’s line?” he asked her with a grin in his voice. This woman was the fucking bees knees, and he would gladly give her whatever the fuck she asked of him.

Gigi laughed then, as she put her palms on the back of his hands, placing her fingers between his so the tips of his fingers were next to each of hers. She moved their hands to her belly, where she laid them flat, and once again ordered him into action, softly saying, “I want you to touch me, Negan.”

She ran his hands up and down her stomach a few times, running both of their fingers over the fabric of her tank top, up to her rib cage just below her breasts, and then down to her belly, over her hips bones and up her thighs, which were vertical, her knees bent.

Negan marveled at how she was once again taking exactly what she needed from him and had no qualms about it, as their hands drifted down from her knees and up the outside of her thighs. Then she ran their fingertips up her sides as much as their limited space on the couch would allow. When she brought their hands back to her belly, she wormed them under the fabric of the tank top, and she led them up over the rolled up waistband of her boxers, and onto the silky skin of her stomach. She once again ran them up her ribcage, stopping below her breasts, and then started the trip back down her body again.

He realized he was holding his breath in anticipation, which he let out with a hum as their hands moved down the inside of her thighs and then over her leg to the outside to travel back up her body. Her hands broke away from his as they came back to her stomach, so she could push her shirt up higher to leave her midriff bare. She arched her back, and gingerly moved the shirt up behind as well, to keep it in place between their bodies so it wouldn’t slip back down. Instead of putting her hands back on his, she brought them up over her head, feeling her way until one hand was in his hair, fingers gently rubbing his scalp, and the other was tucked behind his neck on the couch. She turned her face into him again, the bridge of her nose resting under his jawline, her lips on his throat.

She was trusting him to use the map she had drawn, which pleased the goddamn fuck out of him, and he continued his hands on their path up and down her skin, reveling in the feel of her body resting on his and her skin underneath his fingers. He could feel her wet hair on the side of his face and his neck, and feel her full lips on his throat. It seemed like he hadn’t had a moment of true intimacy like this in years, and he was enjoying the fucking hell out of it.

He felt her muscles and body relax more into him, and a small hum, or maybe it was a moan, when his fingers traveled down the inside of her thighs. He teased her, and heard her breath hitch when he ran his fingers up and down the same spot a few times before moving on. He listened to her breathe heavier and faster, and heard the small mewling sounds she made when his fingertips played at her exposed hip bones for a few seconds on their next pass.

“You’re being a little wicked, Negan,” she panted out as he toyed with her, laying her cheek against the side of his.

“Because I know you'll tell me if you aren’t comfortable with what I’m doing,” he responded dramatically, mimicking her words of a few minutes before. She laughed at him as he ran his fingers over her hip bones a few more times before he moved on, making her back arch, her head pushing into his shoulder.

Gigi was at the mercy of his long fingers and broad hands, so gently touching her. She wanted to feel them everywhere on her body. She moved her hands back over his, deciding to let him join in on her fun, and when his hands moved up her rib cage she tugged them up further, moving them lightly over her breasts and then up to her neck. He growled lowly as she ran their hands slowly back down, and she let out a sultry laugh at the effect of her boldness.

“Now who’s being wicked?” he whispered, using his nose to push her head to the side so he could reach her ear to nibble on it, and he listened to her quiet panting in response as his tongue tickled the sensitive skin behind her lobe.

He wanted to flip her over, roll on top of her and tease the shit out of her for hours. He wanted to hear her moan and whimper and cry out, and feel her orgasm rip through her body. He wanted to give her everything good and fan-fucking-tastic about sex to make up for all of the bad she had experienced at the hands of those depraved fucking sons of bitches.

Gigi could feel his growing erection underneath her as he lifted her hips to shift her on top of him to take some of the pressure off it. While she loved his arousal over their playing, she wasn't ready to acknowledge it yet, so she used his physical shifting as a break in action, and gently rolled herself off of him and then turned to straddle his thighs.

He watched her with bedroom eyes as she moved, and she pulled at his hands to signal for him to sit up so he was face to face with her. As he did, her hand came up, her fingers tracing his lips as she had done in the dark of her cell. She looked at him wide-eyed, with a hint of a smile on her lips as she gently pushed the tip of her finger between his lips, and she shuddered when his response was immediate, moving his head forward to suck her finger into his mouth, holding it gently with his teeth, while he ran his tongue along the underside and rolled it around the tip.

She moaned, letting out a breathy, “Fuck!”, and pulling her finger out, she grabbed him by the long hairs at the back of his neck and moved into him, pressing herself against him, wanting to feel every inch of his body, needing to crawl inside of him. Using her grip in his hair, she pulled him to her, keeping his mouth a hair’s breadth away from hers. “Kiss me, Negan.” she whispered.

She wasn’t finished the sentence when he lightly grazed his lips against hers, eliciting a whimper from her. “Say it again, bossy,” he demanded against her lips. She squirmed against him, pushing closer still, her grip in his hair tightening as she tried to pull him into a kiss.

“No.” he reprimanded softly, moving his lips to her cheek and holding them there firmly.  “Again, Gigi,” he spoke against her skin.

“Kiss me, Negan,” she whispered in compliance, and after a pause, “Please?” She'd let him have his control, and throw in some begging for good measure.

“Good girl.” He gave her a smile which lit up his whole face, staring into her eyes for a moment before he wrapped his hand around her neck, cradling her head, and kissed her deeply. Longingly.

He needed to pull her to him, and wrapping his arms around her injured back wasn't an option, so he grabbed a handful of her ass and pulled her flush against him. He savored the feeling of her melting into him, her breath on his lips, the slide of her lips on his, hearing her hum of approval when his tongue demanded access to hers, and the feeling of her smile on his mouth as the kiss lightened to be broken. He loved the feeling of the inside of her thighs gripping his hips, and he especially loved the feeling of her ass in his fucking hand as she ran her lips along his jawline and down his neck.

Gigi laid her head on Negan’s shoulder, her nose under his chin, fingers toying with his collar bone at the neck of his tee shirt. She wanted more of his kiss, more of everything he might be willing to give, but she knew she wasn’t ready for more, at least not in the moment. She needed to sort out her feelings for the leader, who would bash a man’s head in because of his refusal to kowtow, and had a harem of wives down the hall.

“Why didn’t you kill me, Negan?” she asked him with a yawn, her poor sleep during her time in the closet catching up to her. She had to know why he hadn’t done what his lieutenants, and even Liz had expected him to do in response to her defiance.

His fingers had been running up and down her sides, but they stopped when he heard her question. “Kill you?” he responded, sounding confused.

“Like you killed the last person who wouldn't kneel for you.”

Negan shook his head. “There was more to the story than you were probably told, Gigi.” He wouldn't get into it with her now.

She felt his lips on the top of her head and he placed a kiss there after a moment of silence. “You feel it too, Gigi. I don't know what the fuck it is, this thing between us.” He shifted his body so he was resting against the back of the couch, sliding his hips forward towards the edge of the seat so he was half sitting, half lying with her on his chest. It was all he said, and he felt her nod against his  shoulder.

He would never tell her she didn't receive the same punishment as the last offender because she already had him wrapped as fuck around her little finger. And he didn’t tell her it was partly because he was already attached to her, even though he’d only known her for a short time. He definitely didn’t tell her he would never deliberately hurt her, and he would kill anyone else who fucking tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Playlist:  
> "Layla" - Eric Clapton  
> "Don't Cha" - Pussy Cat Dolls  
> "I Don't Know How To Love Him" - Jesus Christ Superstar Soundtrack  
> "Love Hurts" - Nazareth  
> "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen


	6. We're Always Provin' Who We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was making him even crazier she hadn’t wrapped her legs around his waist as he would have expected, to put all of her weight in his hands. Instead her legs were bent, and she was gripping his waist with her knees and thighs, climbing him like a fucking tree, as his hands kneaded her ass, holding only part of her weight. Fucking bees knees, this woman!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter full of action, angst and smut for you, my kittens. 
> 
> Warning; There is a vague description of rape and a detailed description of torture ahead. My poor Gigi.

Gigi woke up in Negan’s bed, alone, the sun shining through the wall of windows on the other side of the room. The clock on the nightstand read 11:20. She remembered getting sleepy on the couch the night before, as  Negan ran his hands over her, and him waking her up to drag her to his bed by the hand, talking softly to her, and tucking her under the covers. She remembered opening her eyes sometime later to see him sitting on the couch with his drink in his hand looking back at her. She had smiled at him as sleep pulled her under again.

Slipping in behind her after a time, he had spooned her back, her feet immediately pushing their way between his calves, her bum pushing back to connect with his abdomen. He had chuckled, and she had felt his kiss on the back of her neck and shoulder as she drifted back to sleep, those fantastically long fingers of his splayed across her belly.

She forced herself out of the comfort of his bed and righted the covers after she decided she needed to make a trip to the store room for more clothes, since both sets of hers had been worn for several days. She went to her backpack, on the floor next to the apartment door, and looked down to see an empty, clear plastic baggie laying on top of it. Negan must have been in and out of the apartment while she was sleeping, and she must have been sleeping heavily to have not been awakened by his movement. She knew exactly what the bag was for, and she smiled at Negan's thoughtfulness while she retrieved the photos of her family from their worn bag and moved them to the new one, zipping it closed, taking a minute to look at her children before she tucked the pictures back in her backpack. She carried it into the bathroom  throwing  the worn out baggie in the wastebasket and tidying herself up, brushing her hair and her teeth.

A visit to the store room outfitted her with more clothes and another pack of underwear. She realized she needed to find out whether the carcass room was ready for use, even though the thought made her cringe. Her new wardrobe items were overloading her bag and she needed a place to keep them.

Making her way to the factory floor, she was immediately accosted by Liz, who hugged her around the neck to avoid her injured back, and then squeezed her arms several times, from top to bottom, in relief. “Mikey and I went to visit you this morning and when you weren’t there I thought Negan ...”  she shook her head and finished, “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Gigi could hear the distress in the woman’s voice, and was touched at Liz’s concern, giving her a big hug to show her appreciation.   

The man who ran the odds and ends table, Phil, came over to say hi and tell her he was glad to see she had been sprung from prison. Laura and Arat joined them a few minutes later,  and they all kidded Gigi about her incarceration, and the perils of being an ex con. Gigi was pleased the science club kids and cheerleaders seemed to get along just fine.

_____________

“How much do you want me to cut off?” Frankie asked Gigi as she walked around her, combing through her wet hair and examining the ends.  

“Make it long enough to tie up when I have to go out there, just long enough to hit my shoulders.”

Frankie went to work, cutting off several inches of Gigi’s hair and trimming it into a style which would be easy to care for, but still look trendy. Frankie’s words.

“Gigi, you have curl!” Frankie exclaimed, scrunching her hair with her fingers.

“How about that?” Frankie really was a bit sheltered. In their post apocalyptic world, Gigi could have cared less about a trendy style. She just wanted to cut her ratty ends off and get rid of some of the heat her long hair caused in the hot summer weather. It was a huge contrast to the days when she wouldn't carpool the kids in the morning without makeup.

Gigi shook her head, smiling, and got up to look at herself in the mirror over Frankie’s dresser. “Thanks, Frankie. It looks great. As soon as Doctor Carson okays it, we’ll plan on those weapons lessons for you. You can ask the other girls if they’re interested, too.”

“You are the best, Gigi!” Frankie jumped up and down on the balls of her feet and clapped her hands, giving Gigi a gentle hug before she left, because she remembered her back was ‘seriously fucking injured’.  

After leaving Frankie’s room, Gigi decided to take a trip around the building and grounds, since she never got the chance to get a feel for the place. She stopped first on the lieutenants floor, to check out the state of her room, and found the door open. There was a big fan inside, circulating air which smelled like bleach and dead rats. So much for moving in today.

She made her way up the stairs to the fourth floor, where she wandered the halls and then found an enclosed bridge which would take her to one of the warehouses next to the factory. She made her way into a building which was the length of a football field. A small fraction of the room contained stacks of steel items produced on the factory floor. The majority of the warehouse held the Saviors vehicles and bulky items. She found the corner full of all types of furniture, from bedroom sets, and mattresses to living room suites. There were boxes full of bed linens, curtains and fabrics. There was also commercial kitchen and laundry equipment, water heaters and furnaces. The Saviors not only scavenged what they needed in the present, but also to have back up for the future.

One wall of the room was lined, two deep, with vehicles. There was everything from forklifts to ATV’s, cars, and military transport vehicles. There was a workstation at one end, where two vehicles looked to be in the middle of repairs.

There was a locked cage in one corner which looked recently built, of heavy steel mesh and framing which was bolted into the concrete floor. A key or explosives would be needed to gain entry.  It housed military weapons lockers in rows, as well as carrying cases of both military and civilian variety. Gigi knew this must be for excess, because Negan would be smart enough to have a store of weapons close at hand in the factory, in case of attack. She also knew he probably wouldn’t house explosives in the building with the cache of needed items, weapons and vehicles. There had to be heavy weapons storage in one of the other outbuildings.

There were only two viable exits other than the crossover and both were guarded on the outside. She introduced herself to the guard at her chosen exit, and chatted with him for a few minutes. Tayvon was a young, handsome black man with dreads, and arms which could make a girl swoon, and it turned out they went to the same high school in Annandale, fifteen years apart.

“Annandale Atoms rule!” he high fived her before she left.

She was walking along the length of the building, towards the factory, when she was approached by three men. She assumed they just wanted to make sure she belonged in the area, so she walked towards them.

“Hey little lady, what’re you doing here?” one of them asked, stopping in front of her, blocking her path.

“It’s Gigi.” She didn’t care for the man’s patronizing tone, but she smiled anyway, “And you are?”

“I’m Jim. And this here’s Rich and Jasper.” he turned to his compadre, “Jasper! This here is _Gigi_!”

“Really?!” Jasper squinted at her, and Gigi wondered why Jasper would be interested in meeting her, and why Jim said her name like they were familiar with her. She blatantly followed Rich with her eyes as he walked past her a few feet and then stopped, turning to position himself behind her. Jim was in front of her and Jasper was beside her. They had effectively corralled her against the wall of the building.

She took two steps away from the side of the building, and two of them took two steps in the same direction, staying in front of her. Rich moved closer to the building, boxing her further in.

“What’s this about, fellas?” Gigi called them on their actions, motioning to the fence they had created around her, wanting them to know she was on to them. Her senses were on high alert as she assessed the threat and thought about how to deal with it.

“Well, we’ve been dyin’ to meet the little lady who put Buck in the infirmary!” Jim explained.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gigi insisted. “You must have me confused with someone else.” She smiled at him then, making sure to keep her tone friendly, so she would be perceived as a non threat. “I don’t know a Buck.”

She searched her brain, knowing she had heard the name before, and finally honed in on her conversation with Liz. Buck was the man who was in charge of the points system, who had been cheating people of their points. She had no idea what he meant about her being responsible for putting Buck in the infirmary.

“Well, he knows you. He knows you’re the one who ratted him out to Negan. He knows you’re the reason why Negan pulverized his hand with Lucille!” All three men moved a step closer to her, making their intentions clear. Then Jim took another. They were positioning themselves to make a move on her. The question was whether they were going to try to hurt her, or whether they just wanted to physically threaten her.

Gigi was surprised to hear about Buck’s hand, but did not let on to the fact. She had no patience for their bullying, no matter how much of a threat they thought they were. Looking them over for weapons, she noted they all had a handgun and a knife. Since none of the weapons were drawn, she had the advantage if she needed to move on them first.

“I didn't have anything to do with what happened to Buck's hand,” she informed them as she inconspicuously positioned her hands so they were in prime position to whip out her blades, “but if he hadn’t been screwing people over, and screwing Negan over, there wouldn’t have been a problem, would there?”

She was correct in assuming her goading would set them off, and Rich came at her from behind, wrapping his hands around her neck like a vice. Usually calm under attack, Gigi couldn’t control her emotions as she felt the man’s body pressed against her back uninvited. His hands around her throat enraged her to a point beyond her own control, a sickening reminder of Bobby and Len.  Before the man knew what was happening, she had unsheathed her blades and precisely buried one in the outside of each of his thighs, to make sure she missed the femoral arteries. He went down with a thud, screaming in pain. Jasper was on her immediately, gun pointed at her temple.

“Oh, fuck, what have I done? What the hell have I done?!” Gigi mumbled to herself, as if she couldn’t believe her own actions. She acted as if she was oblivious to the gun at her head, but with her peripheral vision, she kept her eyes on both men as she continued to babble to herself, bemoaning her actions as she watched Rich writhing on the ground. “Negan’s going to be pissed! I probably shouldn’t have stabbed him, I _really_ have to work on my impulsiveness!” She dropped her backpack on her right shoulder to the ground in the middle of her rambling, as if she simply needed to get rid of the weight. In reality she was making sure she could move quickly, unhindered.

“Jesus. She’s fucking nuts!” Jasper declared.

In the instant the man took his eyes off of Gigi to give Jim a sideways glance, she bent quickly at the waist to take herself out of the line of fire, slicing upward with her blade as she dropped, cutting a deep, diagonal line into the outside of Jasper’s forearm, effectively severing extensor muscles and rendering his hand useless. His gun hit the dirt next to Gigi as he screamed in pain, holding his arm, and she hit the ground, grabbing the weapon and rolling onto her back in one motion, lining one of Jim’s stunned eyes up in the Baretta’s sights. “Yes, I am,” she said to no one in particular.

“Holy fuck!” Tayvon ran up to the group, gun and eyes trained between the men on the ground, since Gigi had Jim covered. “You got some mad skills, woman!”

“Did I forget to mention I joined the army after high school? I was Special Forces,” she filled him in as she got up from the ground, keeping her eyes on Jim as she moved.

“No shit!” he responded, impressed.

“What the shit?” Negan yelled, rounding the corner of the building, Simon following, just in time to see Gigi slice open Jasper’s arm, then drop and roll. The two men ran up to the scene, taking in the aftermath.

“Well, shit,” Simon reacted to the spectacle in front of them. “Now, Gigi, didn’t Dr. Carson tell you to take it easy for a few weeks?”

“You want to tell me what the fuck happened here?” Negan looked from Gigi to Tayvon.

“This is her party.” Tayvon shrugged. “I can tell you the three of them cornered her. That’s when I radioed for backup, ‘cause it was obvious it wasn’t a friendly meeting.”

“These guys feel like it’s my fault Buck lost his hand,” Gigi answered. “I’m wondering why they would associate me with the loss.” She raised a questioning eyebrow at their leader. She and Negan were the only two in the room during their conversation about the point system, and she wanted to know how these men had learned of their conversation.

“Good question.” Negan was quiet for a moment before he walked over to Jim. “What the fuck are you thinking? You want to defend Buck, for fucking stealing from me? You want to hurt one of my fucking people because you don’t agree with Buck’s punishment?”

As badass as Gigi looked in action, and as much as he was enjoying the hard on it gave him, he was furious at the thought of what could have happened if things wouldn't have played out in her favor. “You know, you have pushed your goddamn luck one too many times, Jim.” Negan didn’t care for the man. Besides the fact he was always looking for a fight, even challenging Simon on one occasion, Negan had suspected he was one of the people reaping the benefits of Buck’s dishonesty. He just hadn’t had enough time to prove it yet. He swung Lucille, catching Jim on the side of the face, knocking him to the ground. He raised the bat then, bringing it down on the man’s head. The other two men cringed, Jasper crying out in pain and fear, knowing he could be next.

“Negan!” Gigi placed her hand on his back firmly, to get his attention, before he took another swing. He turned to her, his jaw and neck muscles tense and his eyes dark with anger. It was clear he felt Jim’s offense was worthy of his death penalty, and he had the ultimate authority in the decision. He obviously answered to no one in this matter, acting as judge, jury and executioner.

Jim was laying the ground after the blow, skull partially crushed, body twitching. She had seen some ugly things while she was on active duty, and even uglier things since the world had gone to hell, and seeing him beat this man to death was not something she wanted to add to the list of ugliness, if she could help it. “Just him or all of them?” she asked him softly, and watched as his face softened slightly as his eyes finally registered her at the sound of her voice.

“Just him, Gigi. For now. Why?” He eyed her curiously as she walked in front of him, aimed her gun and fired at Jim, killing him with a bullet to the head. She turned back to Negan, looking him in the eye as she put the safety in place on the gun and tucked it into the front of her waistband, deciding it was hers now.

“Well. She took all of the fun out of that, didn’t she?” Simon joked to Negan.

“It’s not supposed to be fun, Simon,” Gigi responded, shaking her head at him with a sad smile, turning to walk away from him and Negan towards the factory, grabbing her backpack from the ground as she went.

“Have someone clean this mess up, and take care of these assholes. Take them to Carson to patch up,” she heard Negan tell Tayvon as she walked away. “ _Gigi!_ ” she heard him yell behind her a few seconds later. She looked back to see him walking towards her. She stopped and waited for him to catch up.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked her angrily.

“What? Was Simon right? Did I spoil your fun?” she challenged him, turning and continuing her walk to the end of the building and around the corner.

“Gigi!” Negan followed her as she walked, voice raised in anger. “You just fucking undermined me. You _did_ spoil my fucking fun!”

“ _Undermined_ you? To a dead man? Or to the two injured men writhing on the ground? They just watched a man get shot in the head. The point was made, Negan.” Gigi was incredulous, stopping to stare at him for a moment, deciding to give him a piece of her mind. “I think everyone at the Sanctuary knows who’s in charge. Who has the power. My shooting a man in the head to avoid seeing you bash his skull in doesn’t change that.” Damned if he didn’t piss her off with his need for everyone to feed into his power trip.

She started to turn away from him, but then realized she wasn’t finished. “And did you ever stop to think maybe the fact that I put a bullet in his head, right in front of you, will make it clear to anyone else who wants to mess with me they better think twice? Maybe it’s not all about _you_ every minute of the day, Negan. Did you stop to think maybe this time it was about me doing what _I_ needed to do to make sure no one else fucks with me?”

Negan was delighted when she took a step closer to him with each point she made, pushing her petite self all the fuck up in his face, getting louder and more insistent.

“If I offended your larger than life ego, I’ll apologize to you, and kiss your ass all you want,” she continued to rant, “but maybe it would be smarter for you to act, especially in front of everyone else, like you’re pleased with my actions. That there is one more person in your upper ranks who will act on your behalf when the rules are broken.”

He squinted at her for a moment, trying not to smile. “Well, look. At. You!” He took the last step into her, grabbing the back of her hair gently and pulling her head back. He gave a little mock shudder of pleasure from head to toe to show her what effect her beach ball sized lady nuts had on him, and finally smiled at her as he looked down into her eyes. She was breathing heavily, a wild look in her eyes that was sexy as hell. She was still in fight or flight mode, waiting for more of a battle. He bent down to her, his face close to hers as he whispered, “Will you really kiss my ass all I want?” He brushed his lips across the side of her mouth as he said it.

“Screw you, Negan.” Gigi half heartedly pushed at his chest, not really wanting him out of her space.

His lips were on hers in an instant, passionate and demanding, leaving her breathless. She pushed at him with her lips and chin, breaking the kiss, giving him a challenging look. She yanked him to her again, using the front of his jacket to pull his mouth to hers, taking control. Pulling his hand from her hair, she put it on her ass, “Up!” she demanded, and he complied immediately, dropping Lucille and lifting her with both hands under her ass as she put her hands around the back of his neck to pull herself into his chest.

“Fucking fuck, Gigi!” he hissed at her as she mouthed her way down his neck, using her fingers in his hair to yank his head to the side so she had better access to maul him. She was making him fucking insane with her combination of lips and teeth and lightly sucking on the sensitive skin as she travelled.  

It was making him even crazier she hadn’t wrapped her legs around his waist as he would have expected, to put all of her weight in his hands. Instead her legs were bent, and she was gripping his waist with her knees and thighs, climbing him like a fucking tree, as his hands kneaded her ass, holding only part of her weight. _Fucking bees knees, this woman!_

Turning, he walked several steps to one of two cars parked next to the door at the end of the building never breaking their kiss. He lowered her so she sat on the trunk, and ran his hands from the top of her thighs down, reaching around behind her knees and yanking somewhat, but not really, gently so her groin met his, spreading her legs around him. He kissed her wet and dirty, his dick getting harder with each of her whimpers.

She was a noisy one, and he liked her sighs and pants and moans. He especially loved the fucking whimpers, all of it letting him know she liked what he was doing. He kissed his way down her throat, and she threw her head back at the sensation. He gently pushed at her with his lips and upper body, until she lay back on the trunk and rear window of the car.

Gigi’s chest was heaving as his hands came out from behind her knees, running up her thighs to her abdomen, pulling the front of her shirt out of her pants with a quick tug. He smirked at the gun tucked in her waistband, working around it as his fingers ran along her stomach and rib cage, under her shirt, pushing it up to her bra line as his mouth descended onto her belly, kissing and licking and nipping across it. _Fuck, I want a go at her tits!_

“Negan!” she cried out in a half whisper to avoid being overheard, holding his head in place on her skin. The sensations were coming at her hard and fast, and she marveled at how it was okay. It was all okay, because it was him. Negan’s mouth. Negan’s hands. Negan’s intensity, which was ardent but gentle. Negan’s perfection.

His mouth curved into a smile on her skin when he heard her squeak in response to some bites. “Did you just fucking squeak at me?” His lips continued their journey onto her rib cage as he felt her nod in response, and heard her giggle.

“Stop your whining, Jasper. It's a diagonal cut, not a vertical one. You will NOT bleed out. It's obvious Gigi knows what she's doing,” they heard Simon's overly reassuring voice approaching from the side of the building.

“No shit, she does!” came Tayvon’s awed voice.

Negan pulled away from Gigi with a groan, and she hopped down quickly from the car, not wanting to be caught in a compromising position with Negan. She winked at him as the men rounded the corner, and casually walked away from him, sighing, her whole body still vibrating with excitement.

Negan watched her walk away, running her fingers through her messy hair, as she picked up her bag she had dropped somewhere along their travels. Realizing he had a massive erection which would be hard to hide, he turned from the approaching men and casually followed her into the main building, picking up Lucille on his way. As he followed her, he spotted a dark stain on the back of her shirt. She had broken open one of her wounds. “Gigi!” he called to her, and she stopped so he could catch up. “You hurt yourself out there.”

“I figured.” She grabbed the bottom of her shirt with one hand to pull it out from her body so she could see it over her shoulder. There was a quarter size spot of blood right above her waistline. “I could feel it tear when I dropped to grab Jasper’s gun. I was just going to find a place to take a look at it.”

“You should have said something out there.” Negan felt a modicum of guilt about groping her while she was injured.

“I was busy with something more important,” she waggled her eyebrows at him and laughed.

“Come on, Princess Top Dog, let’s get you fixed up,” Negan ordered, smiling at her. He knew Carson would be busy taking care of the two men Gigi had knifed, but he led her to the busy infirmary anyway, making his way to a supply cabinet in Dr. Carson’s office, to grab what he might need to bandage Gigi up.

Negan stewed all the way back to the apartment, his anger growing by the minute. He should have killed Jasper and Rich, too, for hurting Gigi. The assholes weren’t worth the medical supplies which would be needed to treat them. They were going to owe him in a big way, and he was going to make sure they knew it. He’d have them working the fences for the rest of their sorry lives. He unlocked the door, throwing his jacket on one of the chairs, then laying out his supplies on the coffee table. “Come over here, Gigi. Let me take a look.” Getting up from the couch, he went into the bathroom, coming back with a pair of scissors to cut the first aid tape, if needed.

When he came out of the bathroom, Gigi was still standing in the same spot by the door, looking at him. Negan raised his eyebrows at her in expectation, walking behind her to check the back of her shirt. The blood was spreading, and was a few inches across in diameter.

“Don’t fucking push me right now, Gigi.” Negan used a tone which didn’t leave room for argument. “Sit your ass down so I can take a look.” He had training in sports medicine, and was proficient in a simple wound care. He would clean and dress the wound until Dr. Carson could take a look at it.  “I know what I’m doing.”

Sitting back down on the couch, he waited for her to follow. She didn’t. She stood there, biting her lip, looking at him with a conflicted expression.  “Seriously, Gigi?” He cocked his head to the side with a look of irritation. He could already read her like a book. She was struggling with something she didn’t want to voice. “Just spit it out.” He was being a total dick, and he knew it, still agitated about what could have happened when she was cornered outside.

She fiddled with her hands, bringing them up in front of her chest and sliding her husband’s ring off her thumb and back on a few times, a tremor visible in her hands. The expression changed on her face, and the corners of her mouth turned down, even as she visibly fought against it.

How could this woman take on three men in a physical fight and win, but be reduced to trembling from a burden she carried from her time with her captors? The juxtaposition of her innate strength and this powerlessness boggled his mind, and also infuriated him when he thought about what those men had done to her, not only physically but emotionally.

He moved to her, standing almost chest to chest, bowing his head to her and pressing his cheek to hers as she moved hers up to meet it, waiting for her to take what she needed from him. She dropped her hands from fiddling in front of her, and moved into him, running the fingers of one hand down his arm, she laid two fingers against his wrist, trying to feel his pulse, using her focus on his heart beat to calm herself, as she had done before. He rubbed his thumb on her other palm, soothingly.

“Can you tell me?” he whispered.

“My back,” she said after a minute of quiet. “I haven’t seen it yet. So you can’t ...” He felt her shaking become more pronounced, as she spoke, so he stepped flush against her, sliding his free hand around to the back pocket of her pants, then down inside it, in lieu of wrapping it around her back. He brought his other hand up to cradle her head, pulling it against his lips where he rested them at the corner of her eye. He felt her rest her weight on him, her body molding to his perfectly as she fisted his shirt desperately, at his sides.

Gigi let out a sob, loud and pitiful, she was trying desperately to keep inside. Just one cry, because one was all she would give to Bobby. No more. She took a deep breath, shaking her head minutely. Negan held her tighter and waited, sweeping his lips from her brow to her cheekbone and back.

“When he raped me,” she whispered, the word “raped” almost unintelligible. She started to ramble slowly, pulling pieces of what happened from her mind, spilling them out in staccato phrases which were sometimes seconds apart.  “I was so scared, and so repulsed ... and then _so_ angry. But I didn’t want him to know … I refused to make any noise while he ... I refused to give him any satisfaction what he was doing was hurting me or upsetting me ... But then he kept saying, _Don’t you love it? I know you love it!”_ She repeated the man's words incredulously, revulsion in her tone.

Gigi shook her head violently, in an effort to shake it all off. Negan felt her body shudder and jerk and heard and felt her gag. He was at a loss as to what to do to help her. Her fingernails were digging through his tee shirt, into the skin on his sides with a force he knew she wasn’t even aware of, she was so caught up in the emotion of what she was reliving.

“I kept getting angrier, and angrier, until I couldn’t keep quiet anymore and I mouthed off to him I might actually enjoy it, if his dick wasn’t so tiny and I could actually feel it.” He felt her huff a sad little laugh and was quiet for a moment. Negan was so proud of her bravery, it made his fucking chest ache.

“Needless to say, he beat me senseless. Literally,” she continued. “He choked me, and pummeled me with his fists until I was delirious. The only thing I could think was how grateful I was he’d stopped raping me, even though he sprained my wrist and bruised my ribs with the beating.” Gigi’s voice was eerily calm as she described the experience to him, but Negan could feel her shaking, and her tears on his lips.

“I thought I had won when he left me alone for a few days after, and I only had to deal with two of them instead of three. But then he figured out a way to hurt me even more. He tied me face down on a bed, and proceeded to cut my back over and over with his knife. He told me he was tattooing me so I would never forget him.

“He spent hours and hours, sitting on me, laying over me and on me and against me. He invaded my space in the worst way, touching me and breathing on me, and, forcing himself on me in a way which was almost as bad as anything sexual they did to me, because it seemed to be never ending.

“There was no break from the stench of him, or from the pain for hours while he made hundreds of cuts into my skin, carving some intricate pattern I have yet to see. I never made a sound while he did it. I was so proud of myself for that. But he would hit me if I shook too much or if I jerked as he cut me. He would tell me it might make his knife slip and ruin his work.”

Her shaking increased as the story went on. She was literally quaking, and Negan was afraid she would collapse at some point as she lost control of her leg muscles. “Hold on to me,” he ordered softly as he bent at the knees and wrapped his arms under her bum to lift her. This time she wrapped her legs around him weakly, letting him take on all of her weight.

Carrying her to the head of his bed, he sat down on the edge of the mattress, then slid himself back against the pillows which lay against the headboard. He leaned back with her on his chest, her knees bent on either side of his hips, running his fingers through her hair, rubbing her scalp to soothe her.

She was boneless in his arms, fatigued from the stress of telling her story. She lay with her ear on his heart, and her hand cupping his chin so her fingers were resting over his lips, her fingertips right under his nose. It would seem strange, but he knew she was using them to feel his breath. She seemed to be calming quickly, despite the level of physical upset she’d gone through.

“Negan?” she asked after several minutes of silence.

“Hmm?”

“Why aren’t running in the other direction from me? Why are you even subjecting yourself to all my drama?”

Negan was quiet for a minute, running his hands up and down her upper arms as he asked himself the same question. _Why the hell am I not running?_

_I am stupid as fuck for not running._

He rolled them gently so they lay on their sides facing each other and propped his head on his hand. She squirmed her way into his body, and then bent her arm at the elbow to tuck it under her head as a pillow. He pushed her hair behind her ear, running his fingers forward over her jaw and brushed them across her lips.  

“Honestly? I have no fucking idea. I usually don’t have the patience for drama,” he admitted softly, looking perplexed at his own answer. “I think I do in this case because it’s valid, and because it’s _your_ drama, Gigi. I’m not running because I am fucking awed by who you are, and what you’ve survived. And because of what you fucking _do_ to me. For some crazy reason it makes me want to help you carry your shit, because maybe If I do, then it will stop tearing you up.”

Gigi was moved by what he was telling her. She knew he wasn’t the type of man to waste his time with, or let himself be inconvenienced by trivialities like other people’s emotions. He didn’t have it in him. His desire to help deal with her trauma was huge. Simon was right that Negan had a soft spot for her. A smile formed at the corners of her mouth, and continued as she looked in his eyes, reaching up to cup his face in her hand.

“What?” he side eyed her.

She leaned forward, nipping her way across his bottom lip very lightly before she teased, “Look at big bad Negan, talking sweet and fluffy to me. You think I’m _awesome._ ” She nodded at him smugly. She nipped at his bearded jaw and teased in a sultry voice, “Tell me what I ‘ _fucking do to you_ ’, Negan.”

He stared at her with raised eyebrows for a few seconds before he countered in a dramatically indignant tone, “I take it all back. Now get your skinny ass out of my fucking apartment.” Gigi laughed, and squealed as he pulled her further into him gently, by her rear end, kissing the side of her face and up to the corner of her eye.

“You know, I don’t think you mind at all that my back is injured, because it gives you an excuse to grab my ass.” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“You are _absolutely_ right. But even though I’d really like to stay here and play grab ass with you some more,” he pulled back from her reluctantly, “you still have an open knife wound which needs to be checked out. I guess I’ll let Carson know when he’s -”

“You can do it,” she cut him off.

“I can do it?” he asked. “You mean check your back?” he squinted at her in his way she loved, like he did anytime he was assessing something.

“You can just flip up the bottom of my shirt,” she offered him, very matter-of-factly. She moved her thumb to the furrow which appeared between his brows, stroking up and down over it lightly. “It’s fine. I let it go. I mean, I’m not ready to drop my clothes and parade around in front of you naked, but you can patch up one spot.”

“You let it go,” he challenged in disbelief. “Just like that.” Gigi got up from the bed and walked to the coffee table to pick up the medical supplies.

“I know it might be hard to believe, Negan,” Gigi explained, “but I don’t have a lot of patience for drama either. Usually, when I have something big to deal with, I talk it out in my head and then I’m done with it. But this thing is different. It’s _so_ big. It pisses off the control freak in me, I haven’t been able to just lay it aside. Something about saying it out loud to you, made it less overwhelming. I’m not saying I’ll never get upset about it again, but right now I’m okay with you fixing me up.”

She dropped the items on the bed and laid down on her stomach next to him, pulling her shirt up several inches to expose her lower back. “Okay, bring it on,” she smiled and nodded at him in affirmation, then relaxed herself into the bed. Turning to face him, she lowered her head to the comforter, and put her hands over her head, flat on the bed.

Negan gave her a nod back, thinking for the umpteenth time since he met her, she was all that _and_ a fucking milkshake. She thought she wasn't coping well, but all he could see was her taking on Goliath, and breaking him down piece by piece. He hadn't been exaggerating when he admitted she awed him.

He sat up next to her, leaning over her back to assess the damage. His eyes were uncontrollably drawn everywhere, not just to the open wound.

Angry red and pink scars, as well as several lines of scabbing of varying thicknesses and states of distress, covered the eight inch tall area, from one side of her back to the other, and spilled over her sides.

He was sickened, not at the sight of them, but at the fact there were so many of them on a small fraction of her skin. There was enough of the man's work uncovered he could envision the entire thing, and Gigi was right there had to be hundreds of cuts. Hundreds of times the man’s knife went into her flesh.

“Let me get a wet rag,” he heard himself say as his mind reeled at the deviance of the mind and spirit of the man who’d tortured her this way. It was sickening.

He made his way to the bathroom where he wet a fresh washcloth and also grabbed a dry one to clean the area around her wound. He heard her quiet voice as he moved back onto the bed and positioned himself beside her.

“Was it too much? What I just shared? And my back?” Negan could see her frown on the exposed side of her face as she asked the question. He knew it wasn’t about whether he could handle what he was hearing and seeing. It was about whether it would affect how he felt about her.

“No, Gigi,” was his simple response.

“It's okay if you react, Negan. I can take it.”

 _For fuck’s sake, is she really trying to make sure_ I’m _okay with things?_

“Mhmm.” He needed a minute to formulate his response. He felt compelled to reassure her, but needed a minute to gather his thoughts. He wrapped the fingers of his free hand around her bare side in a compulsion to physically reassure her. He brought the warm cloth to her back, gently cleaning the dried blood around her opened cut, then drying it, all while rubbing his thumb on the side of her back, trying to comfort her. Most of the bleeding of the wound had abated, but it was still raw, and he suspected it would continue to break open if she wasn’t very careful. Wondering if Carson should put a few stitches in it, he applied antibiotic cream, and butterfly bandages to pull the gash in the skin together. The idea seemed futile, but he wanted it to heal with a modest line of scar.

As he worked, Gigi wondered what he was thinking, and how bad it looked, but she didn't question him further. His attempt to comfort her with the touch of his thumb on her side was obvious, which made it all the more precious. It worked to ease her discomfort with the situation. Closing her eyes, she felt his gentle fingers clean and dress the wound, taping a square of gauze over it. The entire process was practically pain free.

When he finished, his hand remained on a patch of skin next to the bandage for a moment before he positioned himself to lay next to her on his side, resting his cheek on the back of her shoulder, pushing his hand under her ribcage on the bed and splaying his fingers to touch as much of her as possible. He was quiet for a long time, and she reached the hand closest to him back to his hair, to lightly scratch at his scalp, waiting.

“It makes me fucking livid he did that to you, Gigi. What _they_ did to you. I would rip the man to fucking shreds if I could get my hands on him. But these scars, and what you shared with me, doesn't fucking change the fact I think you are fucking amazing, and smart and sexy. You kick some serious fucking ass, too, which is _reeeally_ hot.” He placed a kiss on her shoulder, running his thumb across her cheek as she smiled in response to his praise.

She watched him get up from the bed, gathering the first aid supplies and setting them back on the coffee table asking, “Do you have a clean shirt in your bag?” When she answered in the affirmative, he brought the backpack to the bed, unzipping it and rifling through it. Pulling out her other new shirt, he handed it to her and then dropped the bag on the floor near the nightstand.

“Go ahead,” he ordered as he went into the bathroom with his scissors and washcloths.  As she changed her shirt, she heard him put the scissors away, and wash his hands before he called out to ask her if he could come out. “You should rest.” He grabbed his jacket from where he’d tossed it on the chair. “I have some work to do.”

He approached the bed, standing against the mattress. “Get your ass up here. Carefully.” Gigi moved to the edge of the bed, sitting on her calves in front of him. He immediately descended on her for a deep kiss, not stopping until he got the response he wanted, a little breathy moan which made his dick twitch. “You mentioned you aren’t ready to parade around naked in front of me yet,” he murmured against the side of her face. “Do you think you’ll be ready _soon_? Because I’m fucking thinking I’d like to see that sooner, rather than later.” He pulled back, giving her a shit eating grin. “Just sayin’!”

_______________

Negan left Gigi in his apartment and walked to the factory floor to find Liz. He could see it made the woman nervous when he asked if he could speak with her for a minute. “I wanted to ask you if you happened to mention to anyone that Gigi helped get the points system reworked.” He reassured her when he saw a look of panic cross her face, “You’re not in trouble if you did, Liz. She was attacked today by a couple of men who were defending that fucker, Buck’s honor, and I’m trying to figure out if there is anyone else who might be a threat to her.

“Oh, my god! Is she okay?” Liz’s distress grew as she listened to him.

“She’s fine. She’s resting,” he reassured her, “People will learn very quickly, Gigi is a fucking force to be reckoned with. I know _I_ wouldn’t fuck with her.” He laughed, making Liz smile. “Two of the shitheads are in the infirmary, Jim is dead.” The woman blew out a breath of both relief and disquiet. “In the meantime, can you think about it, and let me know who else may be aware of her part with the points? I just want to ensure they won’t be any other problems.”

If their chat had the desired effect, Negan knew Liz would make her rounds to anyone she may have told about Gigi’s role in their sudden good fortune, and word would spread quickly about what happened to the three men. It was exactly what he wanted to happen.

___________

When Negan entered his apartment several hours later, dinner for two in hand, Gigi was still on the bed, facing him, asleep. She had covered herself with only the sheet, due to the warmth of the room, the other covers folded back to the foot of the bed. A table top fan he had across from the bed was on, pointed at her, the white noise likely drowning out his entry. Her pants, with her blades still belted to them, were thrown on the end of the bed as well, and he grinned at the idea of her half naked in his bed.

He set the tray of food on the coffee table quietly, then removed his jacket, and approached the bed from the other side, crawling under the sheet behind her to spoon. She stirred as he moved into her, and he was pleased she was not startled or afraid. She felt safe in his space. _As she fucking should._

She stretched a bit, arching her back and pushing her head back onto his shoulder, and her rear end into his stomach as she did. He moved his hand to her belly, feeling the rolled down waistband of a pair of his boxers through her tank top. He didn’t know why, but something about her dressed in his underwear gave him a woody. He breathed her in, smelling her tropical fruitiness. She must have showered while he’d been gone because her hair was a little wet, too.

Gigi turned her head to him so her forehead was touching his chin, and gave him a sleepy smile. “Hey.”

“Have you been sleeping since I left?” he asked her softly as he nuzzled the side of her face, wondering if she’d gotten enough rest. He lifted the back of her tank top, checking his handiwork on her wound to make sure it was still closed with the butterfly bandage, and dry.

“Purging your demons is exhausting,” she revealed in her sleepy voice as he pulled her shirt back down and moved into her. Her eyes were still closed as she wriggled her way into the nooks and crevices of his body as if she had done it many times before, and relaxed into him. She moved her hand to his on her belly, and grabbed his thumb, using it to move his hand across her skin a few times to let him know she wanted his touch, before she let it go.

“I’ll bet,” he responded to her statement, chuckling at her actions. He kissed the side of her neck as he moved his fingers lightly across her stomach and abdomen for a half minute before he worked his hand under the sheet and then up under her shirt to move them along her skin. She let out a loud sigh, and nodded her head in approval, which was all he needed to fuel his fire. He felt her stomach muscles tremble under his fingertips as he moved over them softly, covering the back of her neck and her shoulder with open mouthed kisses as he did. He moved the strap of her tank top aside with his nose and smirked when he found there was no bra strap underneath to impede his way.

He rested his head on his free hand, and watched over her shoulder, fascinated, as his hand travelled upward from her belly. No matter the path it took, her body pushed out to meet it like she was starved for his touch. In essence, he supposed, she was. No doubt she needed to feel a gentle touch, one she could trust, and he wasn’t going to betray her.

Moving his fingers up her stomach, to the middle of her ribcage, he continued on when he reached the underside of her breasts, running the pad of his thumb back and forth lightly across the bottom of them, waiting for any sign of upset from her. Again, he felt her push into his touch and heard her sigh.

“Yes? No? Tell me what you want, Gigi,” he commanded softly, starting to move his fingertips up over one of the silky mounds, towards one of her nipples, then retreating while he waited for her response, caressing the underside again.  

“Yes, please.” She nodded, the back of her head against his shoulder, and he gently palmed the top breast, feeling the weight and softness of it, moving his thumb and index finger to her nipple, pinching and rolling it very lightly. She panted audibly, and let out a whimper as he moved his fingers away to give the other nipple the same attention.

Gigi’s response electrified him when she pushed herself into his hand in a plea for more, and she let out a sensual cry when he increased the pressure, rolling her other nipple between his fingers.

Turning her head to him over her shoulder, she moved her mouth across his cheek in an effort to reach his lips, snaking her tongue out to flick the corner of his mouth, seeking out his kiss. He groaned as his mouth moved to hers, and he kissed her for a moment in their awkward position before he broke away and moved back from her on the bed and rolled her towards him by nudging her with the elbow which was draped over her.

Gigi rolled onto her back, loving he didn’t stop fondling her nipple as she moved. He raised his eyebrows in question, “Your back okay?” The second she nodded, his mouth was back on hers, his lips so soft, and she’d be damned if he didn’t know how to use them. His combination of firm and demanding, and then light and tender was toe-curling. Each time they broke the kiss, she would open her eyes to find him staring into hers, his eyes full of affection, with a lightness she hadn’t seen in him before.

She needed his affection and his gentle touch and she desperately needed the pleasure and reassurance his skilled mouth and hands provided, needed them to help push aside the bad. She wanted to drown in him, and the way he made her feel so it would rebuild her view of intimacy. She needed to sweep away the rubble of her abuse so she could see the foundation which had been built before it, and lay positive groundwork for what would come after it.

Gigi pulled at him, wanting him on top of her. She needed to feel him all over her. He moved over her, swiping his tongue over her bottom lip, softly demanding, “Let me in.”

Her tongue played with his as she wrapped one leg around the back of his thigh. She pulled his shirt out of his pants and then moved her hands up under the back of it, the pads of her fingers running up and down his back, showing him how she wanted him with her hands and her mouth, her whimpers and sighs.

A thrill ran through Negan at her desire for him and at her touch, he felt like a fucking schoolboy making out with his first girlfriend on the couch. You would have thought she’d grabbed his cock. He really didn’t get why he was such a fucking pussy where she was concerned. Sure, she was hot as shit, but still.  He hummed in appreciation of it all. In appreciation of her. His dick was standing at full attention, and it was all he could do not to grind it into her. He didn't think he should go there. Yet.

Gigi went back to pulling his shirt up. She wanted to feel him, skin to skin, and grabbed the bunched up fabric, moving it up under his armpits, giving a playful grunt to let him know she wasn’t happy she had run into a roadblock.

Negan finished the job for her, reaching back over his head, pulling the tee shirt forward, over it and off his arms, dropping it on the bed beside him. She couldn’t stop herself from whimpering when he lowered himself to her once more, and she could feel the heat of his skin against hers, warming her outside and in.

Her hands were everywhere as he kissed her, running from his neck, and down his back, clutching at him desperately, pulling at him, trying to find another inch of skin to pull against her.  She pulled her shirt up under her breasts gingerly, not ready to take it fully off, so she could feel him on her bare stomach.

She took control for a moment, pulling her lips from his so she could run them over his cheeks, and up to his forehead, stopping to kiss the corner of his eye. “I just need to feel you,” she whispered against his skin, feeling the laugh lines next to his eyes crease under her lips when he smiled in response.

She nibbled at his cheekbones, then tugged his hair to turn his head so she could nip his ear, pulling on his earlobe with her teeth, making him moan, low and long as she licked under his ear and down his neck with a broad tongue. She nipped her way up the other side, stopping at the sensitive skin right below his ear, biting it with more force as she arched herself up into him, testing to see if he might like it.

He seemed to like it a lot. With a resounding, “Fuck. Me!” through gritted teeth, he mouthed his way across the side of her face until he reached her lips, plundering her mouth with his tongue. She felt heady, panting as he broke the kiss, smiling with a sigh as she opened her eyes. When she did she found him smiling back at her, and they shared a moment as new lovers do, enjoying and memorizing the look and feel of each other.  

His mouth trailed down to her jaw, nibbling and licking as he moved to her neck and collarbone before he nuzzled his nose down the middle of her chest, grabbing the neckline of her tank top with his thumb, pulling it down so his nose could continue its journey down her skin and between her breasts. He stopped his trek south and moved from side to side, nipping at the base of each mound. His hands, on the outside of her shirt, pushed them together, and he buried his nose in the softness of her cleavage, breathing her in.

The neckline of her shirt was cutting a diagonal valley into each mound, her nipples still covered by fabric. She moved to lift her shirt up, wanting to give him access. She tapped his ear to signal him to lift his head.  “Negan?” she tapped again, frowning when he only lifted his forehead slightly so he could eyeball her.

“Don’t ask me to fucking move right now,” he chastised her, mumbling between her boobs, dropping his head back down so he was immersed in her silky flesh once more.

Gigi laughed loudly at his antics, “You mean you don’t want to meet the girls in person, face to face?”

“The girls?” his head whipped up, the statement intriguing him.

“Thelma and Louise.” she explained. “I think they’d really like to meet those fabulous lips of yours.” she winked at him.

“Fuck, yes! By all means!” Negan declared dramatically.

She started to slide her shirt up over her chest, and she gasped when he smacked her fingers away to do it himself, pushing the fabric up gently, to rest below her collarbone. “Oooooh, baby,” he sighed, palming the side of each breast and pushing them together again as he ran his nose over one, then the other. “I _really_ fucking think I’m going to like your friends. As a matter of fact, I think I already like them more than I like you.”

Gigi giggled as he started to tease her, skimming his lips around and over the girls, making sure to brush his lips or his facial hair lightly across her nipples as he did, feeling her squirm each time he passed by without giving them any attention. He moaned as he played, thoroughly enjoying himself.

“If you don’t man up soon and dive in, I’m going to have to take care of them myself,” Gigi taunted in a husky voice as she moved her fingers to one of her hardened peaks to toy with it.

“Huh.” His tongue swiped between his lips as he watched her tease herself. “You think I won't fucking man up?” He brought his eyes back up to hers, raising an eyebrow at her.

“I'm beginning to wonder …” she baited him.

“I've been going easy on you, Princess Top Dog. You sure you're ready for me to fucking _man up_?” he licked one nipple quickly, then blew on it to tease her. Negan felt her shudder, her back arching to push his luscious new friends up to tease his lips.

“Come on. Show me what you've got,” she urged him, “I'll let you know if I can't handle what big, bad Negan has to offer.”

Her words were teasing, but he understood their real meaning and he was on her in a flash, sucking, licking and nibbling one nipple as he rolled and  pinched the other with his fingers. There was nothing soft or gentle about it, yet it was not reckless or rough. His moves were passionate and calculated, designed to overwhelm her, which they did, and she moaned with pleasure.

He rolled her suddenly, one hand on her ass and one behind her neck. She looked down at him wide-eyed, her breathing heavy as he continued to attack her breasts with his mouth from underneath, letting the weight of one fall on his lips and nose smothering him pleasantly. He let out a throaty laugh as he sucked it into his mouth. Gigi couldn’t help but chuckle at his pleasure.

Her legs were straddling his torso, hands on either side of his head. His hands went to her hips, and he lifted them effortlessly so he could scoot himself down on the bed, nipping and sucking a line down her belly, where he stopped to cover it with open mouthed kisses. He ate up every whimper and cry as he palmed and toyed with the girls over his head while mouthing across her stomach.

“Fuck, Negan ...” Gigi moaned, desperate for some friction on her clit. Her need for him was outweighing any hesitancy because she trusted him. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her.

“Yeah, darlin’?” he cooed as she felt his hands move back to her hips, and grip them firmly as he had before. She braced herself with her hands on the mattress above his head, as he lifted her to shift her once again, now nipping at the skin of her abdomen through the fabric of her boxers.

She knew where he was headed with his talented mouth and she wasn't going to wait for him to get there.  She moved to straddle his face, resting her knees on either side of his head. She sat straight up, looking down at his eyes and nose, growling at him. She could feel his warm breath through her underwear, and it was making her crazy.

“I do love a girl who knows what she wants!” he stated enthusiastically.

Gigi chuckled as she looked down at him, “You better believe it. Now get to work.”

“There’s my bossy girl!” he laughed.

She lowered herself down closer to his mouth, listening as he let out a hearty, “Fuck, yes!” If he was this excited about having her sitting on his face in her underwear, she could only imagine how he'd react to her naked.

Negan let out a happy string of “Fuckity, fuck, fucky, fucking, fuck, _me_ !” as he enjoyed his surroundings, pushing his mouth and nose against the padded softness of the inside of her thighs, and her sex. He waited for her to tense, or show any other sign of discomfort, but she pushed herself into him or sighed with each touch. He wanted to rip her underwear off, but to his own surprise he was okay with taking his time for her. He wanted her to have the time, to be sure she was ready for more. _Damn, I am awesome._ He pondered how lucky she was to have a guy like him in her fucking corner.

He raised his head, surrounding her crotch with his mouth, and blew hot air through the fabric between them, making her squirm and purr. He nibbled at the inside of her thighs, and tugged at her lips, listening to her whimper. He ran his tongue up and down the crotch of her underwear, pushing at the fabric to find her clit. They were already soaked through, and he moaned at the faint taste and scent of her arousal.

He licked and probed at the fabric there, listening to Gigi whine and pant and whimper. She suddenly clamped her thighs on either side of his head and rolled onto her back, rolling him with her, his face still in her crotch. “Holy shit!” Negan couldn’t help but blurt out. No woman had ever pulled that move on him before. He loved the goddamn fuck out of it.

“Your back okay?” he questioned, and she nodded, giving him a sweet smile in response to his concern.

Looking up at her from his new vantage point over her mons, he grinned at her heaving chest and the lusty look in her eyes as he nibbled on her pubic bone. He ran his thumbs down the inside of her thighs, moving them up under the legs of the briefs, running them back and forth on the inside of her thighs, slowly making his way towards the outside of her lips. Pushing them against her clit, he massaged it with their softness. Gigi whimpered as she looked him in the eye. _Yes, yes, fuck yes!_ And she whined. And she huffed.

“You sound a little frustrated, Sweetheart … maybe I should stop what I'm doing?” Negan asked, his voice overly full of concern. He cocked an eyebrow at her as he stopped his fingers in their tracks.

“Nooo!” she whined at him at him, moving her pelvis to create friction against his stilled fingers.

“No what, Gigi?” Negan put on a confused face, pulling his fingers out from between her legs, and ran them up her belly

“No, don't stop. Please?”

“Why, Gigi?” he was going to make her ask for it. If he made her ask for it, they both would know she was ready to go there. At least that's what he told himself. Maybe he'd even make her beg a little.

“I need you to touch me, Negan.” Gigi was more than willing to play his game. She was enjoying it immensely, desperate for his touch.

It was a beautiful feeling, considering. It didn’t surprise her, though, when she took two and a half seconds to think about it before shifting her focus back to him. She trusted her heart to tell her how to move forward. His mouth and his touch were nothing but pleasurable for her because he was trying to make _her_ feel good, which was in no way a reminder of her time in captivity.

“But why, Gigi?”

“Because it feels amazing, Negan, and I need more of you. I need more of your touch.” She was telling him a precise truth, even if he couldn’t understand the deeper meaning behind the words. She knew it and she felt it emotionally, and that’s what mattered.

“Well it’s a given it feels amazing, darlin’, but why do you need me to touch you?”

She was panting, not far from an orgasm, even though he had done nothing but tease her. Her clit was throbbing in its need for release, and she was getting a little frustrated.

“Well, aren't you full of yourself?” She raised an eyebrow at his confidence, running her hand down into her boxers and stroking her fingers through her wetness.  

He looked down at her hand, working in her underwear, and she saw his eyes go dark and his nostrils flare. “Get your hand out of my fucking boxers, Gigi,” he demanded playfully, as he pushed one of her knees up to her chest and smacked her ass lightly.

Negan heard her gasp, but then she looked at him with a twinkle in her eye and challenged, “That all you've got?” She pulled her hand out of her underwear as he asked, and pushed her gloriously wet fingertips between his lips.

He seriously thought his dick was going to fucking explode as he lapped at her fingers, and sucked them like a man handed a popsicle in the middle of the desert. He threw her hand to the side after he licked it clean, grabbing the waistband of her boxers, and breathlessly looked up at her with his glistening lips, waiting for her okay to pull them off.

She nodded her head, laughing at his fervor as he jerked them down her legs and tossed them aside. Her laughter was short lived as his head dove between her legs, taking her breath away with broad strokes of his tongue up and down her pussy, stimulating her clit in just the right way.

“Wait a minute.” He stopped suddenly, making her cry out in displeasure, which he just fucking loved. “You never answered my question, Gigi.”

“What?” Her expression reflected total distress at the pause in her pleasure, and she seemed utterly confused by his statement.

“You didn't tell me why you need me to touch you. I really feel, if you want me to continue, I need to know …”

She cut him off quickly, telling him, “I need to come, Negan! Make me come.”

“I didn't hear the magic word, Gigi.” He tried to look at her sternly but found himself smiling at her, instead.

“Please?” she begged. “Please!”

“Good girl!” he spread her legs further apart to get a good look at her pussy, which made him groan in appreciation.

Gigi whimpered and bucked out of desperation, and he finally took pity on her, wagging his tongue back and forth on the sensitive tip of her nub. He sucked on it, making her back arch up off of the bed, then circled it with his tongue, listening to her moan his name.

His cock really wanted to join in on the fun, but he knew it wasn't in the cards today. He moved from his belly to his knees as he ate her pussy, unbuckling and unzipping his pants with one hand, trying to take the pressure off of his confined dick.

Gigi noticed him struggling, palming himself a few times on the outside of his pants. She immediately tucked her toes into either side of his waistbands, and pushed both pieces of clothing down for him, moving her head to the side to watch his hard on spring free underneath him. Seeing it from a safe distance was perfect for her, but she felt a bit of guilt she wasn't in a place yet to give him more.  “Do it! Touch yourself,” she urged him.“Let me see.”

Negan groaned in response as he stroked himself, and tongued her clit. It wasn't going to take long for him to come, the fucking school boy he was with her, goddamn it.

Watching him pleasure himself, and feeling his body move with each stroke of his hand only heightened Gigi’s arousal. He brought his fingers to his lips, looking for moisture to use to ease the friction of skin on skin. Reaching down, she took his fingers in her own, and turned them to put them between her legs, rubbing them in her own lubrication.

“Fuck! What are you fucking doing to me, woman?” He put his hand back on his cock, now wet with her arousal, and went to town on both of them, working towards his climax as he heard her panting increase, and felt her body twitch under his mouth.

He slowed stroking himself, keeping an even pace on her clit as he listened to her whimper and pant, “Fuck! Negan, fuck! Fuck!”  Suddenly her hips bucked and she cried out as he looked up at her. His beautiful girl was coming hard, head thrown back, fingers of one hand twisted in the hair at the top of his head.

She only relaxed into it for a few seconds before she looked at him with heavily lidded eyes, and panted, “Now you.” She kept her fingers in his hair as he gently licked and sucked at her slit for his own pleasure, burying his lips in her essence, avoiding her overly sensitive clit as he stroked himself quickly, groaning loudly.

It wasn't long before he moved to his knees, at the top of her thighs. Gigi clutched his hips, as they stuttered and he grunted out a final, “Fuck Gigi!” as he coated her belly with stripes of his cum, a few drops hitting her on the chest and chin. He ran the head of his cock through his spunk a few times, back and forth as the last few drops spurted out. Falling onto one hand over her, he kissed her long and hard so she could taste herself on him, and she found it incredibly erotic. She smiled up at him, cupping his face in her hand, rubbing her thumb along his wet lips as he nuzzled her cheek.

She had an odd feeling of gratefulness, which wasn’t a typical post orgasmic feeling for her. This had been all about her, and she was exceptionally thankful for his patience and his lack of expectation. It made her want to reciprocate in the grandest way, when she was ready. 

Negan observed her taking him in, frowning in thought before she smiled at him again. He gave her a short but tender kiss on her awesomely full lips before grabbing his tee shirt from the bed and swiping it across her stomach twice to clean her off, then throwing it on the floor. He pulled his underwear and pants back up, then lowered himself onto her, laying his head on her shoulder, moving his nose behind her ear, listening to the sounds of their heavy breathing. She turned her head into him, laying her cheek on his, sighing contentedly.

He heard a quiet, “Thank you, Negan.” as they settled into each other, and a moment later he felt a single tear drop on his temple.

“There’s nothing to thank me for, Gigi,” he murmured in response, pulling her closer.

 _I’m so completely fucked,_ he thought to himself once again,  _like_ _a whore on nickel night._ But that was okay.

 


	7. Always Reachin' For That Rising Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lovely. He was in yelling mode. Gigi was excited to tell him about the kids, but now she’d have to talk him down before she could share the news. She’d thought about his tirades several times, and couldn’t decide whether to label him as a drama queen or high maintenance. He definitely liked to hear himself talk and yell, and there were always arm motions, and Lucille waving while he did either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gigi finally gets a chance to look for her children and you get to learn her bad ass back story, while Negan comes to some realizations.

“They were here!” Gigi cried out softly as she looked at some carvings in a tree branch above her head. “It looks like they were here two weeks ago!” Her hand went to her mouth as she muffled a cry of relief, fondling some pieces of yarn which hung from one of the lower branches of a tree.  They were at the edge of the woods, at the side of route sixty six between Manassas and Haymarket. Negan had sent the Joeys with her to her family's designated meeting point, to keep her safe. While they were there, Fat Joseph could manage redirect in the area, trying to push the dead ones further west on sixty six to free up the highway for easier travel. Negan wanted to extend their reach for supplies and possible new communities.

“Lift me up, boys!” Gigi positioned herself at the base of the tree, and stepped into both of the men’s clasped hands. They gave her a heave up, and she pulled herself up over the lowest branch, which was about eight feet off of the ground. Straddling the branch, she scooted herself towards the pieces of yarn. She put her chest to the branch, examining some knife cuts in the bark on the side of the branch, which faced the men below. “They were here on the fifteenth of May!”

“That’s what the marks tell you?” Skinny Joey asked her, looking at the carvings in the tree as she ran her fingers over them.

“They picked a tree with the lowest branch, at or over five foot off of the ground. The yarn is to catch my eye. Otherwise, the search for hash marks is more time consuming since they are not as easy to spot from the ground. Elena carries yellow yarn, and Stevie carries orange. Since there are both on the branch, I know they were both here. She laughed with giddiness at the fact both of her children were alive. If they didn’t have yarn, the hash marks still tell me the date they were here.”

There were four marks with a diagonal line through them to make five, and a group of three more sets of five a few inches over, then an actual number carved for the last two digits of the current year. She could tell, by the depth of the marks, Elena had carved the month, and Stevie the day.  “We made up a system of what to do if we ever get separated. The plan is to check back at one or two of the last locations we agreed on to see if we can meet up. At the beginning of every day we would agree on possible meeting points.”

As she talked, she pulled her backpack off of her shoulders, opening it and pulling out a full skein of red yarn she had found at Phil’s station on the trade floor, since hers had gone missing when she looked through her bag after she’d escaped from the cabin. She also had a zip seal sandwich baggie which had a map of the factory’s location and a pen inside. She took three pieces of folded paper out of her backpack, looking at them to see which was the correct one to put in the bag, having written three which would include her response to what she found when she got there. There was a note for if she found no sign they had been there yet, a note in response if she found only one of the children had visited and one to leave if they both had visited. She put the appropriate note in the bag and sealed it, and then cut a length of yarn with her knife and holding the baggie to the bark, she wrapped the yarn around it, and tied it tightly to the branch. She then carved another hash mark in the month group, and drew a short horizontal line at the top of the first two lines in the group indicated the day. If they came back... _ when _ they came back, they would know she had been there on June second.

“If for some reason the note disappears,” she explained to the Joeys, they would still have the yarn and hash marks. If the yarn disappears or if there were no yarn available, her children would still know she was there from her carvings. Six inches from the end of the date marks, there were four horizontal lines, symbolizing the four fingers they would hold over the lips to tell each other I love you. She drew four identical lines next to it, her heart bursting with joy.

Her only concern, which she didn’t voice to her companions, was the kids had not left a note, which likely meant they were still living on the road, and didn’t haven’t access to pen and paper. They knew they were supposed to try to find a new group to join, even if the three of them were separated. She hoped they had enough food to eat, and some kind of shelter if they were still on their own. 

She looked down to find Joey and Joey smiling up at her, sharing her joy. Before they left, she placed a box with some canned goods, an opener and bottled water on the ground against the tree, just in case they were hungry.

_________________

Since his pistol was out for the day, Negan decided he would check in on his wives, who he’d been neglecting. Gigi had stayed in his apartment for the last several nights, since she still didn’t have a room of her own. He wasn’t so much of an ass he’d skirt out on her at night, or anytime for that matter while she was staying in his room, to get a piece of ass down the hall. Not that he wanted to. Despite the fact they weren’t having sex, Negan was totally enamored of fooling around with his spitfire. He smirked as he thought about the morning’s fun. She had jumped him on the couch as he drank his morning coffee, her hair disheveled from sleep. 

“I woke up horny,” she had whispered in his ear after she’d dragged herself out of bed, and proceeded to work him into a lather, groping his junk through his sleep shorts as she kissed him. He wasn’t surprised at her boldness, since he had found her to be very open and very verbal, sexually, as long as she was within her comfort zone. There were a few times she had shaken her head, or gently guided him away from his intended path, but he was learning to read her body language and had moved in a different direction on his own a few times before she needed to tell him otherwise.  _ I am truly fucking awesome!   _

After a few minutes, she’d removed her underwear and straddled one of his thighs. Taking his hand, she placed it on top of his thigh, palm up, and pushed his fingers together. He kept them where she placed them groaning as she lowered herself, and proceeded to grind herself forward and back on the end of his fingers as she kissed him, coming after only a minute or two of riding his fingers like a polo pony.

“Did you just hump me like a fucking  _ sex toy _ ?” he’d questioned her incredulously when she removed herself from his lap a minute later and headed to the bathroom, telling him with a smirk she was going to take a shower.

She’d looked back at him from the bathroom doorway asking, “You have a problem with that?” before she’d closed the bathroom door, leaving him on the couch to enjoy her scent and taste on his fingers while he’d rubbed one out. 

He couldn’t fucking wait ‘til they got to the sex part of this thing they had going on. They had spent the last several nights exploring each other.  Learning each other by licking, grinding and stroking each other to climax.  

Gigi had yet to give him a blow job, but the night before she had gotten up the courage to put her lips around the head of his cock as he’d started to come, her hands on his hips to keep him from bucking into her mouth. He knew the action was huge for her, and he felt a strange combination of proud and grateful when it had been over, taking it upon himself to reward her by making her orgasm for a second time.

He stepped into his wives living area, noticing all seven of them continued to chat amongst themselves, or work on whatever task they were involved in when he entered the room. He mulled this over, after no one greeted him, as he made his way to the makeshift bar to pour himself a bourbon on the rocks, even though it was only noon. He looked around the room as he took a drink of his cocktail, taking in the seven women in the room. 

Maybe it was time to pare down the number of wives he kept. He was definitely fed up with Amber, who was constantly sulking, no matter how hard he tried to please her. She could at least be a little grateful her ex husband had a decent job doing redirect, and her mother received the meds she needed on a daily basis. 

He wasn’t stupid, he knew these women had only agreed to be his wives because he’d offered them an easy life in an extremely hard world. And probably because he was hot, if he thought about it. He had chosen them because they were super hot, but he had an affection for each of them which had grown with time. 

He was there for about five minutes, nursing his drink, and Frankie was the only wife who had finally come over to say hello and kiss his cheek. At that point he didn’t want to be bothered. He set his glass down, and walked to the door declaring dramatically, “You suck ass, ladies! You really do!” 

________________

Gigi was fascinated by Fat Joey’s redirect strategies. She was not so fascinated by the Joeys half hour discussion about which fluid would be best to fill a water tower, so they could set the contents on fire, in order to cause a boiling liquid expanding vapor explosion, which they informed her, was also known as a BLEVE. It would attract all of the dead within a many mile radius of the tower, as long as it wasn’t located in the middle of a forest. 

“You are an idiot!” Fat Joseph told Skinny Joseph as they drove back to the Sanctuary. “There wouldn’t be a water tower in the middle of the woods. They build them close to where the water is needed, so it doesn’t have to travel far!” 

“Takes an idiot to know an idiot, dickhead,” Skinny Joey countered. “Hey, do you think a simple flammable liquid would work as well as a pressurized liquid?” Gigi smirked at the way Skinny’s tone changed from angry during his put down to adorably curious with his question.

“The question is how big of an explosion the non pressurized liquid would cause and what the burn time would be in comparison,” Fat Joe theorized.

At that point, Gigi zoned out, resting her head on Skinny Joey’s shoulder and closing her eyes. The three of them were sitting across the bench seat of an old Chevy pick up truck, so there was not an option of stretching out. 

Even the boring banter around Gigi could not bring her down from her high. She was on cloud nine after finding her children had been alive and looking for her just two weeks ago. Hopefully her specifications for her scheduled returns would lead them to meet up in the next few weeks. Her heart literally ached with joy at the prospect. Her children fueled her soul so their separation for the last several weeks was more than painful. She worried about their distress at her capture, and hoped they had not dwelled on the anguish for long. She had always taught them wallowing in negativity was disadvantageous, and they should lay the bad to rest and move forward in a positive way. 

She remembered her mother telling her, when she was pregnant with Stevie, motherhood was like nothing she could ever imagine, and her love for her child would transcend any other love she would ever experience. The joy and the pain, the pride and the heartbreak would be amplified a thousand fold when it came to her child. 

Gigi hadn’t fully comprehended her mother’s words until she’d first laid eyes on Stevie, and again on Elena, and had held them for the first time in her arms. In the moment she’d known she would nurture them, and protect them, and if needed, she would die for them. 

The last sentiment was one any mother would follow through with, if needed, but it was a sentiment only the rarest of mothers would have to put into practice. That is, until the world had come to an end a few years ago. 

When the apocalypse had begun, she’d felt fortunate she had specialized military training. She’d joined the army right after graduating a year early from college. She spent a few years in Panama, as part of the 7th Special Forces Group, Airborne, and was part of the air assault which secured the Pacora River Bridge, so reinforcements for the Panamanian Defense Forces could not reach Panama City or its airport. She had been given an honorable discharge due to a shoulder injury which hadn’t been healing properly, and was flown back to the U.S. for corrective surgery and rehab at Walter Reed Military Hospital outside of Washington D.C., only twenty miles from her parent’s home. 

She had met Steven during her recuperation. He’d been a photographer who had done freelance work for the Washington Post, Newsweek, Time magazine and other major publications. Gigi had been interviewed for an article about women in the Special Forces, and Steven had been sent to snap some photos for the story. He’d been a military and weapons buff, and had asked her out for a drink after her photo shoot. They’d moved in together a few months later, and were married a year to the date after they met, in a simple backyard ceremony with a justice of the peace, and a party with family and a few close friends. 

The Washington Post article had mentioned Gigi’s degrees in communications and broadcast journalism, and her desire to pursue a career as a radio deejay. The manager of KISS-FM, WKYS in Washington, who had been a former Special Ops officer himself, read the article, and had contacted her about a possible job at the station. Her glowing references from another local station for her time as a college intern and her silky radio voice had cemented the job for her. She had started out with the unfortunate midnight to four a.m. spot at the Top 40 station, a time slot which had a very modest following. 

Once she had gotten in the door, Gigi had convinced her boss people who listened to Top 40 music weren’t awake after midnight during the week, and he should allow her to try an edgier mix of music, including classic rock, hard rock and heavy metal which would pull in the late night partiers. She and her boss had come up with the name Gigi Ray, with a hard g sound, since the soft pronunciation of her given name didn’t quite fit with the image of the hard rock loving partier her after hours listeners could relate to. 

The deejay had quickly discovered the big name rock bands playing at the local arenas were thrilled to do interviews in the middle of the night, instead of the usual eight in the morning, and were usually in rare form after a concert. One of her best interviews early on had been with drunken Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith, which had garnered several catch phrases, one of them, “DC fucking rocks!” which was quoted in the local culture, by sports teams and printed on bumper stickers and tee shirts for years. Within six months,  _ Gigi Ray, After Dark _ had had the best ratings outside of the morning show, and had even beat the ratings for the morning shows which aired on other local stations. Within a year, she was nationally syndicated.

She’d told an abbreviated version of the origin of her French name to Aerosmith’s lead singer when he’d turned the tables on her and asked about her exotic sounding name during their third on air interview. He had grabbed her Eric Clapton signed acoustic guitar hanging in her studio, and to her delight, broke into a rock version of  _ Thank Heaven for Little Girls  _ from  _ Gigi _ . Snippets of his performance ended up being the intro to her show and lead ins to commercials during her time slot, until the turn. 

Her work hours had been perfect for starting a family. She’d left for her job after her babies were in bed, and came home shortly after they woke up in the morning. Five days a week she and Steven had only seen each other for a few hours morning and night when the children were little, but in both of their minds, the fact their children hadn’t needed day care made their fleeting hours together tolerable. 

She and Steven had instilled their love of exercise in their children from the time they were young. They’d jogged as a family a few days a week, once the children were old enough, in between their individual workouts and the children’s sports. This ritual had given them a chance to stay connected as a family, while the children had been finding their way in their teenage years, and it’d warmed Gigi’s heart when they ran, parent and child had paired off to discuss life events and personal crises with each other.

She and her husband had taught their children how to handle and use firearms, since they had guns in their home, and they’d all loved to visit the shooting range together. When they’d been older, on a whim, Gigi had decided to teach them military knife fighting as well, not that she’d ever expected them to need the skill. 

When the world had gone to hell, their physical fitness and their weapons expertise had come in handy, especially since they’d had a huge collection of military firearms and tactical knives in their home thanks to her and Steven’s shared hobby. Gigi and the kids had been able to secure and live in their home for many months after all of their neighbors had died or disappeared. 

Over the last few years, the skills which had been taught to Stevie and Elena were what had kept them alive in situations where people without their level of expertise had perished. Gigi was sure the same skills had kept them alive while they’d been on their own for the last six weeks. 

____________

Gigi had told Negan she and the Joeys would be back by five o’clock, but it was seven o’clock and there was no sign of them. He had visited the gate three times since five, leaving strict orders with Tayvon, each time, the guard should radio him the minute their truck came into view. Tayvon couldn’t help but wonder what was so important about Gigi and the Joes’ mission today that the boss was so worked up about their return, but he wasn’t one to question.

It was seven twenty when Negan finally got the call from Tayvon the truck was approaching, so Negan stopped yelling at the overachiever from the laundry room who had collected his basket of dirty clothes before he had the chance to pull something out of it. The woman had taken the basket when she had delivered his lunch as a favor to one of the cooks. He had walked into the bathroom for a minute after she arrived, and when he came out, the woman and the basket were gone. He was pissed because his fucking boxers Gigi had worn the day before were in the basket, and he liked to keep at least one dirty pair to sniff on a whim. Now he had none. Not that he would tell the worker the reason for his anger. 

He made his way to the parking area next to the warehouse, to find the Josephs and Gigi  laughing and carrying on while they unloaded the back of the truck. The boxes and bags they were carrying clued him into the fact they had stopped at a relatively unscathed Target to grab some supplies. 

“I thought you were going to be back by fucking five o’clock?” he yelled at nobody in particular, but maybe Gigi. He looked her over, seeing roamer blood on her clothing, and also noted the Josephs were clean. 

Fat and Skinny Joe looked immediately remorseful, and stuttered their apologies. “I’m sorry sir, we didn’t think… we thought…” Fat Joseph started.

“... we’d be back by six at the latest, but we found...but we’re sorry…” Skinny Joey continued.

“You said he would be okay with it!” the two men turned to Gigi, stage whispering in unison. 

“Way to have my back, guys!” Gigi laughed. She knew they weren’t throwing her under the bus. She had assured them he would be fine with it, because she needed some things, and also wanted to help stock the lieutenants’ store room with toiletries. She actually had mentioned to Negan that morning she needed to make a supply run at some point, and his lack of argument was as good as approval, in her mind, for them to stop. When they had passed the store on the road, it was clear they weren’t comfortable straying from Negan’s approved  _ flight plan _ , so she may have embellished her discussion with him a bit, to include his approval at a possible stop. 

“You went into a huge fucking store, with God knows what lurking in the corners, just the three of you?! You risked your lives for  _ a fucking shopping trip? _ ” Negan yelled, rifling through a bag in Fat Joe’s hand. 

“Yes?” the nervous man responded, looking sideways at Skinny Joey for some sort of support which wasn’t going to happen. “You know Gigi really kicks ass. She took down six dead ones when we got inside the store, before we even knew what was happening.”

Fat Joseph’s praise was  _ not  _ what Negan wanted to hear. “Well, then! I am  _ so _ fucking glad I sent the two of you to cover her back for this little trip!” he yelled in Joey’s face. 

“It’s my fault, really, Negan. It was all my idea, and I did tell them I had talked to you about a stop, this morning.” Gigi interjected, “We were going to radio when we left the store, to give an ETA, but the walkie is broken, and Joey didn’t have what he needed to fix it on the road.” 

“You didn’t think about that possibility, did you?” Negan chided loudly.

_ Lovely. _ He was in yelling mode. Gigi was excited to tell him about the kids, but now she’d have to talk him down before she could share the news. She’d thought about his tirades several times, and couldn’t decide whether to label him as a drama queen or high maintenance. He definitely liked to hear himself talk and yell, and there were always arm motions, and Lucille waving while he did either. She especially liked when he emphasized a point by pushing his hips out and stomping his foot, throwing his shoulders back as he stomped. It cracked her up. Figuratively of course, because she didn’t dare laugh at him while he was on a tear.

He went on with his rant, “You didn’t think about the fact I might worry if you weren’t back by five?”

Gigi was standing a few feet behind the Joeys, and she cocked her head at Negan, mouthing, “Really?” The two of them had been trying to keep what was going on between them a secret. Gigi had discussed with him she felt it was important she do a few runs with the lieutenants, maybe work with them a few times so they could see what she was capable of, before they found out she and Negan were … something. They would have a hard time taking her seriously if they found out first. 

Negan realized his mistake, and continued off the cuff, “What if I lost my electronics wizard, and my genius in charge of redirect?” he chastised her dramatically. Gigi could only roll her eyes at his bad improv. He walked up to the Josephs and patted them each on the shoulder, then turned back to Gigi. “You boys go relax! I’m going to have a word with Gigi so she knows not to endanger the lives of two of my top engineers, in future.” 

The Joeys glanced at each other, with looks of pleased confusion at his praise, and grabbed their things from the truck bed, hurrying around the corner of the building towards the factory. 

Negan turned to Gigi once they were out of sight, ready to lay into her, but found her smiling at him in her knowing way. “What?!” he was annoyed with whatever she was going to say, before it even came out of her mouth. “Don’t start with me, Gigi! I am more than a little fucking pissed!”

“You were worried about me!” She goaded him, sauntering up to him after she looked around to make sure they were alone. 

“Don’t fucking toy with me! What if something happened to you out there?” he yelled a little bit. “If you stop somewhere not on the damn flight plan, I wouldn’t be able to find you! Especially with a broken fucking walkie talkie!” 

“Awww. You would come look for me?” she moved chest to chest with him, reaching up to run her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. 

He looked at her, one eyebrow raised for a few seconds before he answered, “No, I would  _ not _ , now that I fucking think about it. I would fucking leave your pain in the ass self out there to rot.” He looked very indignant, and she wanted to kiss him. She adored it when he used his dramatic voice. He was deadly serious, but so funny, when you weren’t taking the brunt of his anger. Even when she was, now that she knew him, she wanted to tackle him when he was in one of his ranting moods. 

“But then you wouldn’t get to see me in my new lacy bra and panties I found today. Your last memory of me in girly lingerie would be of me in my  _ granny panties _ ,” she singsonged the last part.

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a tense jaw for a half a minute, shaking his head before he gave up and relaxed into her. “Well, since you put it  _ that _ way ...” he pulled her closer, holding her tightly, kissing her deeply. He pulled back to look at her, admonishing, “Don’t make me fucking worry about you again.”

“Yes, Daddy.”  

“Oooh. I  _ like _ the sound of that!” he grabbed her butt and gave it a squeeze. “But before Daddy ravages your ass, tell me what you found out about your kids today.”

Gigi bounced in his arms, ecstatic. “They were there two weeks ago, Negan! It’s only a matter of time. I know it!”

The joy on her face was priceless. Negan was happy for her. He held her close, and told her so, as he pondered how the children’s return would affect him. How it would affect  _ them _ . Was there a fucking  _ them _ ? He really didn’t know how to label what the fuck was happening between himself and Gigi, but he had to admit it was no small thing for him. They hadn’t discussed what her plans were, once she found Stevie and Elena.

“What?” Gigi noticed his thoughtful expression, and put her hand to his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his lips. 

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re so close to finding your kids.” 

_____________

_ My Loves, My Heart: _

_ I have been hoping and praying you are okay, and you both know I'm typically not one to pray. I am full of joy, finally able to come back to our meeting point, to find you have been here looking for me, too.  _

_ I escaped from my kidnappers a few weeks ago, and have been recuperating with a new group, not far from here. I am fine, my loves,and hope you haven't been worrying too much. _

_ All of the information you need to find me here, or there, is enclosed. Please choose the easiest and safest path to me.  Now I know you are okay, it would kill me to lose you. I will be back every two weeks, from this date to try to meet up with you again. _

_ I love you, my goobery goos, and I can't wait to feel you in my arms again. And yes, Stevie, I'm going to cry when I see you both. _

_ All my love, and all of my heart, _

_ Mom _

_ ______ _

_ ______ _

_ ______ _

_ ______ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a minute, let me know your thoughts on how things are going so far. The last chapter got alot of hits, but not many comments. I greatly appreciate any constructive criticism you can give! XO


	8. To Guide Me Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looked at him in her way, like she could see exactly what was going on in his fucking head, and he wondered if she didn’t see him better than he could see himself. Damn it.
> 
> “I’m not asking you to commit to anything other than being good to me when we're together, Negan. I’m not asking you to dump all of your wives for me. But you need to understand I won’t let you slide into bed to sleep with me at the end of the night when you come back to the apartment reeking of sex with another woman. I deserve better than that.” 
> 
> She did deserve better, and he knew it. He grunted a “Fuck!” into her neck, which made her smile.

Negan had been impressed when Gigi told him about the family system for finding and messaging each other and their sign language. They had obviously spent the last few years perfecting their strategies, to leave no room for being waylaid by the unexpected. They had options to cover most contingencies.  

He was also impressed by the Special Forces training she had passed on to her children. The three of them must be an incredible team fighting the dead,  or the living for that matter, if the children fought like their mother.

He contemplated, as he followed Gigi down one of the first floor corridors, how the kids might fit in at the Sanctuary, knowing it wasn’t really a kid friendly environment. He reasoned with himself they were almost adults, so it would work out.

“This is it.” Gigi stopped in front of a door. For the last few days, after Negan had given her orders to take it easy again so her back could fully heal, Gigi had taken it upon herself to scour the building for a new room for herself. It was clear it could take weeks or months for the rat room to air out.

After a discussion the day before about whether she did or didn’t need her own room, Negan had told her to look around for one she thought would be suitable. He thought she should just stay with him, which seemed to surprise her. She felt she should have her own room, telling him he needed his space.

Negan tried to convince her he really wanted her close to him. He got frustrated with her resistance, and pushed her until she told him she was concerned about his visits to his wives. She knew it would hurt her to be there when he returned from being with one of them.

Gigi could see he was still frustrated, even though he said he understood, and agreed she should find her own room. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” she urged him when he got quiet for a few minutes. “Just tell me. We both know you like to talk, so talk,” Gigi smirked.

After giving her a killer glare for several seconds, he had pulled her onto his lap, so she was straddling his thighs, and buried his head in her neck. He shook his head, so many things running through it he wasn’t ready to voice. “I don’t fucking know, Gigi. I know I want you with me all of the fucking time. If you stay here, we can use one of the close by rooms on this floor for the kids, when you find them…”

Gigi kissed the side of his forehead. “I love you wanting to be with me all the time. I feel the same way. But even though you’re feeling totally enamored of me right now, you can’t commit to me. That tells us both something, doesn't it?”

She looked at him in her way, like she could see exactly what was going on in his fucking head, and he wondered if she didn’t see him better than he could see himself. _Shit. Fuck. Damn._

“I’m not asking you to commit to anything other than being good to me when we're together, Negan. I’m not asking you to dump all of your wives for me. But you need to understand I won’t let you slide into bed to sleep with me at the end of the night when you come back to the apartment reeking of sex with another woman. I deserve better than that.”

She did deserve better, and he knew it. He grunted a “Fuck!” into her neck, which made her smile.

“Maybe I need my own space, too. What if I want to see someone else? Do you want me crawling in bed with you, after the fact?” Gigi questioned.

“What if you want to _what?_ ” he raised his head to look into her eyes. She had to be fucking kidding if she thought he would let her screw around with someone else. The thought enraged him.

“What if I want to see someone else, Negan. What if I want company when you are with your wives?” Gigi was provoking him, she knew. She wasn’t in a place to want to be with anyone other than Negan. Honestly, she simply wasn’t interested in being with anyone else. After everything she’d been through, she was so happy to have the connection with this man, who was helping her to put the pieces of herself back together, and was so incredibly patient with her need to move slowly with the physical part of their relationship.

She knew what she’d signed up for, in getting close to him. She'd had a major discussion with herself during her time in the cell, about what the hell she was doing entertaining her crush on a man who was involved with, at the time, six other women. Did she want to be one of seven? In the end, she'd realized she couldn't judge him for his choice of how he wanted to mold his world. She didn't judge anyone for how they dealt with this new reality. Why not break down some of the previous society’s standards, in order to derive more pleasure out of the crappy world they lived in?

Her hesitation wasn't about his desire to be with several women at once, it was about how she felt about becoming one of several. She didn’t like the idea, but at the same time, she strangely felt like the six women down the hall had nothing to do with what was happening between her and Negan.

She knew, despite his gaggle of wives, Negan had a deep respect for women. He appreciated them, loved them, enjoyed them, and expressed a bit of wonder over them, and over her. He was constantly showing her how he felt about her. She loved how he thought she was beautiful and sexy and smart, and he let her know in some way every day.

They truly had clicked, from the moment they started to get to know each other. They were drawn to each other physically, finding great comfort in each other. Gigi’s touch quickly became Negan’s unwind at the end of the day, or after a blow up. For Gigi, the fact it took the smallest amount of physical contact with him to calm her anger, her fear, and anxiety about what had happened to her while she was held captive, was mind blowing to her.

What she had come up with, when she was finished her discussion with herself in the cell, was she couldn’t ignore his calming effect on her. She wanted and needed his calming. She wanted and needed _him_.

Once her cell time was over, it had become clear there was something special about him other than the things which attracted her to him. She had developed a deep-seated, instinctual trust of him, from the night he had calmed her in the rec room, and she trusted him in spite of the things she had not been so happy to learn about his leadership.

She simply couldn’t imagine working through her trauma with anyone else. Despite his brash public persona, he was patient and gentle with her when she needed it, and he was okay with letting her set the pace, physically.

When it came down to it, she simply wanted him. He was smart and funny, and a fuck ton of hot. They had crazy chemistry, physically comfortable with each other and compatible from the start.

On his end, she knew he trusted her enough to let her in quickly, even to the surprise of himself, because he’d told her so the night before. He trusted her in a way he didn’t trust his wives, or anyone else at the Sanctuary.

Gigi had always been one for honesty and she was a no bullshit, what you see is what you get, person with the people who were important to her. She could see him, on the other hand, struggling with the need to hide behind the persona he put on when he was playing the role of big, bad Negan. Sometimes he actually _was_ the asshole he portrayed, but there was so much more to him than the bravado he wore for all to see, day to day.  As each day went by, though, he showed her more of the man underneath the mask, and she knew she saw more of the real Negan than anyone else at the Sanctuary.

After all of her reflection on the matter, Gigi had decided to continue moving forward with him, as long as she could be true to herself, and as long as it felt good for her to do so.

She had only thrown the idea of wanting to see someone else at him, the day before, to let him see what it felt like to be in her shoes, and maybe rile him up a bit. It worked. She could see his jaw clench and unclench, and he was deafeningly quiet.

Negan had no argument. He’d known it. They hadn’t defined the parameters of this thing they had going on, and she wasn’t a wife, so the no cheating rule hadn't been mandated. He was not fucking happy about it. “I have work to do,” he told her after a few minutes of silence, and he left her in the apartment with an, “I’ll see you tonight,” as he walked out the door.

____________

At one in the morning Negan listened to the sound of Gigi whimpering in her sleep. She whimpered sometimes, and he had also woken to the sound of her talking nonsense. One morning they’d woken up to find everything on the nightstand on her side of the bed was sitting on the floor beside it. She remembered moving them, in a dream state because she was sure there was a tarantula on the bedside table and she needed to find it before it bit him.

The few times she’d whimpered in her sleep, he had pulled her close and gently shushed her, running his hands over her arm, or her hair. She would quiet quickly, her breath evening out, indicating she had relaxed back into a deeper sleep. This time, however, he wasn't next to her to hold her. He listened, in the dark of his apartment from the far corner of the couch, a glass of bourbon in his hand.

He was so fucking aggravated after their conversation earlier in the day he’d avoided her for the rest of the day. He’d needed some space to sort out his thoughts. He’d ended up in Frankie’s room in the evening, getting a relaxing massage and blow job, even though he felt guilty during and after. _Guilt? What the fuck was that about?_  The redhead had wanted to fuck him, her words, but he’d feigned fatigue, thanked her and left Frankie wondering if she would see pigs in the sky if she looked out the window.

He had made his way back to his apartment, where Gigi was soundly asleep in his bed, and he’d removed his jacket and then poured himself a bourbon quietly in the dark, making a minimal mess. He sat on the couch, wondering if a blow job counted as sex, and whether the bourbon and brushing his teeth covered any evidence of the few kisses he’d shared with Frankie, because he just wanted to fucking crawl in bed with his pistol and cuddle up to her fine ass.

Her face and part of her form were  illuminated by a digital clock on the nightstand. He could see she was lying on her stomach, head turned towards him, her hand curled into a fist in front of her face. As she whimpered, she twisted her wrist, seemingly fighting against bindings which were not there. The whimpers turned to cries, and just as he decided he should go to her, she let out a sob, her body thrashing and jerking then moving into a position on her hands and knees, as if she was going to crawl away from whatever was tormenting her.

Negan could tell her movement had woken her, and she hovered over the bed, her head dropping between her shoulders as she panted heavily. “Fuck you!” she growled, full of anger, “Fucking dickhead, twat waffle,  asshole, fuckwad, shithead, fucked in the head bastards! Fuck you!”

He stayed perfectly still, eyebrows rising and a smirk forming on his lips as her list of expletives went on. _Go, baby!_

She moved herself to a sitting position, pushed her hair off of her face with both hands, and then swung her legs over the side of the bed, getting up to go to the bathroom. She didn’t close the door, he assumed, because she thought she was alone and he heard the sound of her peeing, which was kind of hot, if he thought about it. The toilet flushed and the water in the sink ran as it sounded like she washed her hands and splashed water on her face. He still didn’t move. He wasn’t ready to make himself known, despite her upset.

Gigi clicked the lightswitch off and padded back out of the bathroom, putting her hand out to find the corner post of the bed, temporarily blinded from the bathroom light. She crawled up the bed from the bottom, rolling onto her back. She lifted up the bottom of his tank top several inches from her body, obviously trying to get the air from the fan to blow into it, to combat the warmth in the room.

“Fuck this! I want some fucking air conditioning!” she slapped the palms of her hands flat on the bed in frustration, talking to herself in the quiet of the room.

 _Poor Princess._ Negan wanted to laugh out loud.

“....And I want some pulled pork nachos with sour cream _and_ guacamole. And a god damn margarita to go with it!” she spat out.

_She’s on a roll! Pulled pork nachos. That sounds fucking awesome. I wonder if Maria, in the kitchen, could make those with some of the pork coming out of the smoker. Do we have avocados? We definitely have cheese..._

“And I want homemade chocolate pudding, that's still warm! And I want to call someone and chat on the phone. And I want a boy to bring me flowers.” She was quiet for a moment before she lamented in a more subdued voice, “And I want to sleep in a bed with a man who wants to be with me, and not eighty-five other barely legal … but very nice, women! The Asshole!”

_Touché! But she really is fucking exaggerating about the number of my wives. And their ages._

She was quiet for a bit, and then he could hear the despair in her voice as she said quietly, “And I want my children back.”

He felt a little pang in his chest as he heard her sniffle, and then she shook her head to get rid of the upset. _That’s my girl. No wallowing for her! I fucking love that shit, even if I am pissed at her right now._

“And I want to be able to close my eyes, when the asshole isn't here keeping me safe, without seeing those fucked in the head bastards hurting me over and over again.” Her tone was angry. She also sounded a little defeated, which surprised him. “Fuck them.”

He thought _fuck them_ was too nice of a way to put it.  

“And fuck you, Negan, and your eighty-five, eighteen and a half year old wives. All of you can kiss my ass!” She giggled, and then sighed, and then rolled to face away from where he sat in the dark. She pulled her pillow over her head, groaning for no apparent reason, and then settled.

Her little tirade was enlightening. For one, he loved to hear her cursing like a fucking sailor, his usually put together, smarty pants woman. He also now knew the ghosts of her abuse were haunting her more than she let on. He liked her admission his presence made her stress disappear, but then he realized her nightmare probably happened because in her mind, he wasn't there keeping her safe tonight.

After twenty minutes of her stillness, Negan finished his bourbon in the quiet of night and came out of his corner, making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Gigi didn’t stir when he did, and if she did, she hopefully would think he’d just come in. He eyeballed himself in the mirror, wondering what guilt looked like, because he felt like it was seeping the fuck out of him from the inside, and probably showing all the fuck over him. _God damn it._

Gigi was laying on her back with her eyes opened when he opened the bathroom door. His activity must have woken her again, which pleased the fuck out of him, because in his conflicted fucking state, he simply needed her, even though she was the cause of it. _What the fuck is that about? It makes no goddamn sense at all._

He looked at her as he made his way to the hamper in the light from the bathroom, to shuck down to his boxers and throw his clothes in. She smiled at him in her sleepiness, happy to see him, even though they had disagreed before he’d left that morning.

It hit him then. From the first day she’d cleaned for him, whenever they were alone, and he would come into the room with her, she would always let him know she was glad to see him. She would smile at him, and greet him, and since they'd become intimate she would always come to him and kiss him or touch him in some affectionate way.

When they were alone together, if she was concentrating on something and suddenly became aware of him again, she always smiled or winked at him. It made him feel wanted and fucking special, as pussified as it sounded. He knew he was both, to her. She had made both clear to him with more than just words.

Negan returned her smile, undressing and moving back to the bathroom door to reach in and turn the light off.  As he got into bed, he heard her softly ask, “Should I sleep on the couch, Negan?” reminding him of the boundaries she had set, since she didn't know where he’d spent his evening.

“No, Gigi.” He pulled her into his arms, and kissed her forehead. “I wouldn’t screw one of my wives and then crawl into bed with you when I know how you feel about the possibility.” He may as well have said, _I did not have sexual relations with that woman._ It felt shitty, telling her a half truth, and he vowed to himself he wouldn’t lie to her again. It had felt shitty when he’d lied to his real wife, Lucille, before she’d died, and it didn’t feel any better doing it to Gigi now.

He needed to be a better man for his spitfire, because it was what she deserved. It was what he wanted to give her. He just wondered if he could do it.

____________

Gigi told him the next morning she’d found the perfect room.  She opened the unlocked door, and they stepped inside. “If it’s too much, I can find something else, maybe on the third or fourth floor, but I was thinking the space could be used as a training area for the tactical team you want me to lead, and I can tuck some living space into one corner."

Negan stepped inside, knowing before they’d entered which room she had chosen. It was a mini version of the factory floor, but empty. It was about one hundred foot by sixty foot. The long wall, opposite the door was covered with the paned windows of different colors which were typical of the rest of the building, from about four foot above the floor, and up to the high ceiling. They were entering on a landing which ran the length of the entry wall. It had a set of metal stairs on both ends of it, leading down one level.

The lower floor was hardwood, and there were rows of evenly spaced sets of holes across the length of the center, where some sort of work stations had been bolted to the floor at some point, be it equipment or tables. The room had not been used for a long time, even before the turn. There were a few pieces of decades old equipment pushed into one corner of the room. There were also two push brooms and a large pile of dirt and trash against one wall. She must have started cleaning the place up already.

Underneath the landing, on the main floor, there were two doors, one on both ends of the room which lead to an office and a good sized storage space. The rooms were also accessible from the main hall.

“I like the windows. All of the light,” she told him half heartedly, the thought of moving far away from him weighing her down. It was early morning, and sunlight was streaming in some of the clear windows, and casting their elongated rectangles of light on the floor. She went to stand in one, turning her face up to the sun, eyes closed and smiling.

Negan took a mental picture of her, sunlight dancing on the surface of her skin like an aura. She looked ethereal. He remembered the precise definition of the word; _extremely delicate and light in a way which seems too perfect for this world_. It had been one of his vocabulary words in the fifth grade, and it had stuck with him because he’d had a crush on his teacher that year, and he had been certain she was the epitome of ethereal.

“Are you thinking of using the extra rooms for Stevie and Elena?”

She turned her head to him, the sunlight playing in the highlights of her hair, her smile getting bigger as she realized he knew her mind. She gestured with her head for him to come to her, and he did, wrapping an arm around her back gently, because it was healed over now, and burying his face in her hair.

“Are you sure you want your own room Gigi? Will you be okay on your own, down here?” He wanted her to say no. He was worried she wouldn't feel safe, sleeping without him, two floors and half the length of the building away from him.

“No, I really don't, Negan. But it's what needs to happen right now,” she sighed.

He nodded into her hair. “I'm fucking trying, Gigi. I heard what you said to me, and I'm trying to work it out. I just need some time.” He pulled back to look her in the eye, then ran his lips along her cheekbone, back to her ear, and then down her neck. “Because you've turned me into some kind of fucking pussy who wants to do right by you.”

Gigi’s blood turned to fire at the feel of his lips playing on her skin, and his words were like fuel thrown on the flames. Not the fact she was turning him into a pussy, even though the statement amused her. Her self absorbed prick was trying to do right by her. Her lips found his, and she huffed a laugh against them whispering, “I always thought I should try a little fucking pussy.”

“Fuck, Gigi!” he gave her his full body shiver and stomped his foot, wrinkling his nose at her.  He dove into her lips, his tongue seeking out the warmth of her. He moaned as he wrapped an arm under her ass and lifted her off of the floor, pulling her into his chest. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he lowered himself to his knees, with surprising grace, and then laid her on her back on the floor. He remained on his knees between her thighs, running his hands up under her shirt and pulling it up to her neck so he could move his lips over the soft skin of her belly, one of his favorite ways to feel her.

“I think you made my panties a little wet with your hot little show of strength, Negan.”

“Let me see about that.” He grinned perversely as he swiftly opened her belt, and lowered her fly, sliding his hand inside her panties so fast she gasped, and then giggled in delight.

His hand didn't stop moving until his fingertips touched the top of her lips. “So you're telling me if I dip my fingers in here,” he emphasized his words by dipping the tip of his middle finger in and out of the top half inch of her slit just a fraction, “I'll find your pussy is already wet for me?”

His finger was so close, and it made her core pulse with want. “Ahh, Negan!” she cried, her hips bucking into his hand to create some stimulation. She managed to push his finger into the tip of her clit for a second with the movement of her hips, and she whimpered as his hand gripped her gently, but more firmly to stop her ability to move against him.

She watched his eyes go dark with lust, and a wicked smile turn up the corners of his mouth as she pouted at him. “Go ahead, Gigi, show me what you want.”

He loosened his grip again, keeping the tip of his middle finger in place as she started to rock her hips, pushing her clit forward and back on his finger. He let out a whispered, “Son of a bitch!” when he felt she was indeed wet for him, his dick going from half to full mast in an instant.

Knowing she loved to be teased, he increased his grip on her again, just enough to make her motions less effective.

“What? Why?” Negan couldn't help but give a hearty laugh at the confusion and distress on Gigi’s face as she questioned him. The realization of why he wouldn't let her move dawned on her, and she grabbed his forearm, ordering, “Don't even!”

He looked down at her, face suddenly serious, as he moved the tip of his finger slowly between her lips, dipping it very close to her sweet spot and then backing off several times. “Don’t even what, Gigi?”

“Don’t tease me, Negan!” she begged him as he circled his finger quickly around her clit once and then drew it back again to rest at the top of her slit. _Goddamn, I love it when she fucking begs me._ She threw her head back at his tease, though she didn’t take her eyes off of him. She liked to keep her eyes on his when he was pleasuring her. It was something he’d never thought about before her, but there was nothing more intimate than sharing someone’s pleasure through their eyes.

He’d learned to read her eyes and their expressions just like he read her whimpers and moans. Raising her eyebrows with wide eyes meant he’d pleasantly surprised her with his moves, a frown with lids which were having a hard time staying open meant he had hit the fucking mark, and was giving her ultimate pleasure.  If she looked away from him, he knew she was overwhelmed with the sensations and she’d be lost for a bit, but then her eyes would always come back to his.

There was a whole other level of emotion he could read in the eyes themselves, but those emotions were so deep, and there was no way he could describe them in words. But he could fucking feel them. At times they were overwhelming and he wanted to hide from them, and at other times they left him with a yearning for more. Both were new sensations for him.

While he loved this kind of feedback from her, he couldn’t always give himself to her in the same way. It simply went too fucking close to the core. Too close to the center of who he was, and what he felt for her. Sometimes the connection between them was so fucking raw, and so deep he just had to look away, which was often. But he tried. He was always rewarded when he did manage to share a little bit of himself, with her knowing, affectionate smile, or the sweetest of her kisses. _Turning me into a big fat fucking pussy. Jesus Christ. I wonder if my people can tell I'm a big fat pussy now._

“Tell me who you want to make you come, Gigi.”  

“You, Negan,” she panted as he took another slow turn around her clit with his fingertip, sliding it through her wetness. Her eyelids looked heavy, _and_ she turned her head away from him as he continued the slow, circular motion. _Bingo!_

He stopped moving his finger for exactly six counts and he listened to her whine, then she squirmed as her eyes came back to him. He started circling her clit again with three fingers, making her back arch up off the floor. He listened as her breathing got heavier, and when it took on a certain tone, he stopped for six more beats, listening to her whimper loudly, and whisper, “Please …”

He repeated his edging, and she got a little bit more frantic with desperation each time he stopped, and a bit more frantic when he again, provided relief.

“Who do you want, Gigi?” he asked her. He needed to hear her say it, asshole that he was.

She looked up at him, confused, wondering where the question was coming from. “You, Negan.”

“Who else? Who do you want to ‘ _keep you company,’_ Gigi?” he threw her words back at her from the day before, increasing the pace on her clit, as she had a hard time making sense of his words. He could see her nostrils flare and her eyes snap further open when she figured out what he was talking about.

“Fuck!” she was breathless, so close to the edge, and he once again stopped the motion of his fingers.

“Who, Gigi?!” he could hear the hint of agitation in his own voice, and so could she. She looked him straight in the eye as he started up his sweet manipulations once more, her eyes just about rolling back in her head.

“The truth?” she breathed, nodding as she asked because she knew what his answer would be.

“Yes! Tell me! Who do you want to be with, Gigi?” he stopped stroking her clit, grabbing her mons again gently, covering her pussy from front to back, claiming it with his long fingers. “Who does this belong to?”

He could see she was overwhelmed, physically, so close to coming. He didn’t want to be a total dick, so he started up the circular motion of his fingers again. He wondered if he had pushed his teasing too far, but then she looked up at him with her gorgeous fucking smile. A smile which told him she knew exactly why he did the things he did. Then she revealed the very thing he needed to hear, her eyes showing him something he had never seen before, but he hoped she would share with him again.

“Only you, Negan. Just you. You're the one.”  He let out a silent breath of relief, smiling at her, his fingers increasing their speed and pressure. Her eyelids were heavy as she looked into him, and came on his fingers, crying out his name.

_________________

Gigi hand picked her tactical team, telling them Negan wanted a specialized military team and she'd like to work with them, asking if they'd be willing to go through some physical training and testing. Laura was the first person she approached after informing Negan he wasn't using the woman to her full potential, so she was taking her out of his second tier group. Regina kicked ass and didn't bother to take names, so Gigi wanted her, too, if she could smooth out her hard ass attitude a bit. When she found out Liz was a former Navy Seal, lying low as a worker, she invited her to try out for her team as well, thinking the woman might like to upgrade her status in Negan’s hierarchy. Tayvon was another candidate because she wanted people who she could connect with, and Tay had shown her already, he had her back.

Slug was the last candidate. He was a new addition to the Sanctuary and Gigi adored him. He looked like he was in his mid twenties, slim but fit, with dark curly hair and handsome features. He knew more show tunes than she did, and had magazine photos of Adam Lambert, Marilyn Monroe, and their favorite actor who had played a heart transplant patient on a tv hospital drama, attached to the foot locker in his cubicle on the factory floor. His cubicle had, in no time at all, started to look like something out of _House Beautiful_ after Slug had traded some coveted belongings for some fabrics, throw rugs and decorative items.  

The young man had impressed her, when he had taken down Keith, who was twice his size, with some advanced martial arts moves. She and Slug had been walking around the factory floor, looking for just the right accessories to finish off his space when they had passed Keith and Simon who were discussing the need to get more fans going in the room, since the temperature  had jumped ten degrees in the last few days. Keith was handsome, and buff, with olive skin and dark eyes. It surprised Gigi, when she thought about it, one of the many single women at the Sanctuary hadn't snatched him up.

“Hey, Slug, why don't you swish those hips of  yours around the room a little more and get a breeze going for us?” Keith had called as they passed.

Gigi was ready to put the man in his place with a snide comment, when Keith reached out and grabbed Slug’s ass, giving it a squeeze. Her dagger was unsheathed in the blink of an eye, ready to threaten the man's balls, but before she had the chance to move, Slug had Keith face down on the ground, his arm twisted behind his back, knee in one of his kidneys. He leaned down and whispered something in the bigger man's ear, making him still, before he got up and rejoined Gigi.

Slug was quiet for a few moments, processing what had just happened. Gigi gave his arm a squeeze before grabbing his hand and pulling him to the next table. “Way to kick ass!” she whispered, “What did you say to him that made him settle down?”

“I informed him no one was allowed to touch this exceptional ass without permission,” he informed her very seriously, “but if he wanted to ask permission later like a good boy …”

“No you didn't!” Gigi looked at him incredulously, smiling after she closed her gaping mouth.

“Yes, I did! Girl, his macho, straight act doesn't fool me. He's had an eye on me since I got here.”

“ _Now_ it makes sense. He's deep in the closet!” Gigi whispered.

“Oh, absolutely! But honey, I'm going to drag his ass right out of there.” Slug informed her with a snap of his fingers as he whipped his arm through the air.

When she asked him later, where he’d learned his martial arts moves, he’d explained his mom had signed him up for karate in middle school after he had come home with three bloody noses within a month, given to him for the horrible offense of being _different_.

“I was a chicken shit scaredy pants, who turned into the karate kid. No one messed with me after that.”

When Gigi told him, several days later, she wanted him to be part of her team, he’d fanned himself quickly with the spread fingers of both hands,  joking he was so overcome he didn't have words to describe his joy.

“If you can calm yourself down in time, bring your joyous ass to my room at six tomorrow morning,” Gigi ordered, laughing at his antics.

She would have asked Arat, but she already had a busy position as one of Negan’s top two, which Gigi bemoaned heavily to Negan.

“She's mine! You already have Laura and Regina. You’re not taking Arat, too!” Negan fumed unequivocally, “And there'll be no further fucking discussion about it ” Not that Gigi paid any attention to the last part.

_____________

Gigi's living space which took up about a quarter of the large room Negan had assigned her, was finished and ready for occupancy. She and Slug had worked on it a little bit every day, in between and after running errands and working for Negan. She, Laura, Arat and Slug had brought a queen mattress and bed frame over from the warehouse, along with an eclectic mix of furniture, lighting fixtures, appliances and accessories Slug insisted she needed, since he’d appointed himself interior designer of her new space.

The other three quarters of the room was clean and set up for training with her team.

Gigi dragged herself out of Negan's bed at five, the first day of training, kissed him goodbye and told him to have a good day, after she’d jerked him off in his sleepy haze, from behind, sucking on his balls and rimming his ass lightly with an experienced tongue. She wanted to give him something nice to think about for the rest of the day. She could tell she had blown his fuzzy mind as she walked out the door. He’d stared at her, breathless after his orgasm, and speechless for the first time since she'd met him.

_______________

“What the fuck did she do to me?” Negan asked out loud in the shower, smiling like an idiot as he replayed it in his head. He had to admit despite his plethora of wives and his conquests before the world ended, he'd never had a woman lick his ass. He definitely fucking liked it.

He had woken this morning to the feeling of Gigi’s’ body pressed against the back of his, light kisses and nibbles peppering his shoulders and back, her arm reaching around the front of him to stroke his already hard cock. Her mouth had made its way down his back, biting at a few muscles which made his body jerk and twitch. He’d given her a dissatisfied grunt, making her snicker. When she’d licked the length of the crack of his ass, dipping her tongue down into it, he hummed in appreciation at the sensation.

She’d moved further down his body, pushing his legs into a bent position and then licking and nibbling at his balls from underneath, sucking on them, rolling them around her tongue in the amazing, wet heat of her mouth. She’d moved herself so she was upside down, her chest pressed to his lower back. Her work on his cock stayed steady, growing in pressure and speed as she’d played.

He’d felt her gently grab one of his ass cheeks with her hand, pulling it away from the other, but he didn’t have time to feel awkward about being exposed in the strange, new way before he’d felt her tongue swirling around his asshole, taking his breath away. He knew she’d heard him gasp, and felt him tense, when she’d immediately backed off and whispered, “Trust me, Negan.”

He did. She had waited, for the few seconds until he relaxed himself, before she started her gentle massage of his rim again, making him moan when she pushed the tip of her tongue into him, just enough to give him a taste of the exciting pressure, and firing nerve endings he hadn’t known existed. Holy fuck, it had felt like every nerve from his waist down was sizzling, even inside his ass. It was fucking intense. He’d cum a few minutes later, his head spinning.

She had leaned over his shoulder, asking him, “Are you good?” with a deep chuckle and he could only nod at her, his cock still pulsing from his release. He’d reached up his arm, wrapping it around the back of her neck and pulled her down to him so he could kiss her lazily while he recuperated. His ass tasted kind of nice on her, if he did fucking say so himself.

_Well, fuck. Now I'm not going to be able to get out of the shower without my hand spending a little quality time with my dick._

______________

“Today you're going to get to know me,” Gigi informed her bleary eyed teammates an hour after she’d left Negan. “When we're out there, you need to be able to read and execute my silent commands without hesitation, without having to stop to think about what they mean. You also need to be able to anticipate which commands I might use, in any given situation. We’ll practice the commands so much, if I give you a command when we pass in the hall, your muscles will automatically respond without thought. Muscle memory, people! Muscle memory!

“Once we work together, and I get a sense of your capabilities, I'll choose a second in command from this group, in case I'm incapacitated at some point and need someone to take over. Someone who can think like I do, about the best strategy in any given situation, and who can implement it.

“Here’s what you have to know about me to get along in here. I have a lot of patience. As long as you give me one hundred percent, I can live with a certain number of mistakes _during training_ , which are a natural part of the learning process. What I will not tolerate, is disrespect towards me or your team mates, acting in your own best interest, instead of the team’s best interest, or being hurtful or acting with disinterest towards those below you.” Gigi’s eyes fell on Regina for a split second as she finished her sentence, keeping a positive expression on her face.

“Negan has decided my chosen team, will be the Special Ops of his military organization. We will train those below us. Everyone will be looking at the skills and behavior of my team to be shining examples of how things should be done. We give one hundred percent, and excel in our tactical maneuvers, and will trickle down to the grunts below us. We lead by example! If we do well, we will be rewarded handsomely by the man himself.” She had discussed with Negan the need for both her team, and the rest of the people at the Sanctuary to see being the front line for difficult tasks is worthy of reward. The nature of the reward they did not know yet.

Gigi turned face front to them, shoulders squared, and gestured for them to rise with both hands, palms up, two exaggerated flicks upwards of the four fingers of each. They all pushed up off of the floor with a hand, or rolled to one knee to push up from kneeling.

“What the fuck was that?” she looked them all in the eye, shaking her head in disbelief. Several eyebrows raised in shock, since Miss glitter and rainbows had not cursed in front of anyone but Negan.  “Let me show you how it’s done.”

______________

After lunch, Negan decided to pay a visit to Gigi’s room, to see what she going over with her team on their first day. He quietly entered the room on the second floor, standing in the shadows so as not to draw attention to himself, and stood watching as five people followed silent commands given by a petite spitfire. A smile formed on his lips as she signaled, and her team popped up from a sitting position on the floor, to standing in one swift motion, almost completely in sync, with their shoulders squared, eyes on her. She then proceeded to use a series of hand and body motions to direct them to different points around her, while she moved around the room, sometimes directing them to move together, sometimes separately.

She finally turned her back to them, giving the signals to the side, as they continued to move with precision. “Come on, Tay Tay! Keep the hell up!” she yelled, laughing, somehow knowing he was a half step behind the rest of the team, even though he was barely in her line of vision.

Negan knew Gigi had heard him enter, when she used her left hand to call him down to the training area and pointing, with two fingers, to a spot in the middle of the floor as she continued to direct her team here and there.

When he was in position, she gave a two burst whistle, along with a hand in the air twisting from side to side, and all five team members lined up in an arrowhead formation, three in the back row, two in the middle and Gigi positioned at the tip as they faced the Sanctuary’s leader. With a double click of her tongue, their heads dropped forward, and hands were simultaneously placed in front of their abdomen, one over the other, in a position of submission. Gigi was no exception. They remained in the position for two precise beats, before their heads came up in unison and they looked to him, and then pivoted on one foot so they were all facing different directions, as if scouring an overlapping portion of a three hundred sixty degree area for threats.

Gigi had mentioned to Negan, a few days before, making everyone drop to their knee put him in a position of extreme vulnerability, even in the Sanctuary, should there be a shooter or sniper. She asked him to consider letting his top tier, and her team, remain standing as a form of protection. Of course he ate it up, just as she knew he would.

The change would also eliminate the problem created by her inability to kneel for him. They couldn't keep avoiding being in the same room for much longer. Negan had taken to whistling loudly as he approached a common area, a long whistle which went from a higher note to a lower note which signalled Gigi he would be entering the room. This gave her time to discreetly make herself scarce so she wouldn't have to kneel.

She gave a one beat whistle to her team, which told them to relax, and then informed them they were done for the day, praising them for their hard work as they high fived her and hugged each other. They filed past Negan, one by one, and she smiled as he made sure to pat their shoulder, or give a few words of praise or thanks to each of them as they passed.

After a discussion the afternoon before about how he needed to respect the people who were willing to lay down their lives for him and his community, she was pleased to see he’d listened to what she’d said. He could be a real jerk sometimes, belittling his men. He called it busting their balls. She informed him it was called being an asshole, plain and simple.

He got so mad at her he didn’t talk to her when they met back up in his apartment close to bedtime, but she’d finally changed his attitude when she’d removed her pants and lacy panties and climbed up on the couch where he was sitting. She’d planted a foot on either side of his thighs and bent her knees a bit, which put her crotch right in front of his face, as he tried to ignore her, working in his notebook.

Since he was a man who loved pussy, he really couldn’t ignore her for long, especially when she’d spread her feet further apart and pushed herself into his lips, gyrating her hips as she’d sung, _“Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that could be. Let's talk about sex.”_

His notebook had been thrown to the side, and his tongue had been pushing between her folds in seconds. Later that night he’d informed her it really was wrong, on so many fucking levels, she’d ended up having an amazing orgasm after she called him an asshole.

_________

When everyone had gone, she moved to him, adrenaline pumping. “How’d they do?” he asked her. “They look fan-fucking-tastic already!”

Her eyes shone as she looked at him, obviously pleased with how things had gone. She simply nodded at him, putting her hand into the opening of his jacket and around his waist, pulling him to her.

“Looks like your room is done?” he asked her, looking over her head at the right hand side of the room.

She turned to look at it with him, smiling a sad smile and nodding. “Slug and I finished it up two days ago.”

“Hmm.” Only Princess Top Dog would have her own interior designer in the apocalypse. “Show me.” He pulled her by the hand towards the semi enclosed space.

She and Slug had made a couple of runs to a fairly untouched antiques mall close by and brought back a load of treasures for their decorating project. Old wooden doors which had three and four panes of glass, screen doors, French doors and wood framed stained glass windows were attached to each other at odd angles, in free standing lines, to create airy walls delineating Gigi's living space from the rest of the large room.

There were three foot openings at the two out facing corners of the enclosure to serve as doorways. There was a fifties dining set at the front corner and wall of the room, with a mini fridge and microwave. A sitting area was in the middle of the space, complete with purple velvet couch and matching lounge chair full of throw pillows covered in eighties paisley fabrics. To the right was the bed, sitting in the exact spot where Gigi had been standing in the sunlight a few days before. It was in the middle of the space, not against a wall, and Negan knew it was placed there so the morning sun would hit her where she lay. There was a dressing area, and an old armoire in the corner. The entire space was finished off with all sorts of eclectic decorative items and lighting which pulled it all together.

“You guys did a great job,” he remarked appreciatively, as she sat down on the bed, looking at him thoughtfully. It was interesting the space was finished, but she hadn’t moved in yet. Maybe she wanted to stay with him, as much as he wanted her to. He moved to her and leaned down for a soft, tender kiss, trying to convince her. Her hands moved to the back of his thighs, pulling him closer to her. He had to break the kiss as she pulled him to her and rested her forehead on his stomach. He ran his fingers through her hair as her hands started to wander up the back of his thighs, and in between his legs, running forward and back along the bottom of his balls. As he looked down at her, she moved her other hand to the growing bulge at the front of his gray twills, massaging it through the fabric.

Gigi could see the desire in his eyes as she started to stroke his cock through his pants. She stopped the motion of her top hand, continuing to play with his balls, increasing the intensity of her touch while she pondered the fact his zipper was right in front of her face. He would be at just the right height for her to lean forward and take him into her mouth.

If there weren’t pants in the way. And her thoughts.

She had put him in her mouth for several seconds as he came, once before, but had not done it again since. But she could. She wanted to. She unbuttoned his fly as she thought about her hesitation, like she thought about everything which was an obstacle in her life, very matter-of-factly. _It’s a penis, Gigi. Negan’s penis. Penises evoked nothing other than positive emotions before you were kidnapped, and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t evoke positive emotions now. Especially when the penis in question belongs to someone you know would never hurt you._

She unclipped his walkie and threw it to the other side of her bed, then removed his weapons, bending over to place them on the floor. Lowering his zipper, she pulled the fabric apart and nuzzled  him through his underwear, running her nose and her lips up and down the hard length. She used both hands to push his pants further down his hips, and then his boxers. She could hear him, breathing heavier, and he grunted in approval as she moved her hand back to roll his bare testicles with her fingers.  Moving her other hand to his cock in front of her, she gave it a few strokes before she ran her lips along the length of it, nibbling a few times as she moved.

He groaned at the caress of her lips, and his eyes widened as she lowered her lips just over the head, surprising him enough to make him gasp. “Gigi?” He looked down at her, tilting her chin up so she was looking into his eyes as she circled the head of his cock with her tongue. “Ahh! Nnnngg … fuck … are you sure?”

“Does it feel like I’m unsure?” she backed up long enough to ask, before moving her mouth down the length of him twice, her full lips covering her teeth, sucking with the perfect pressure to make him groan.  She pulled off of him again, admonishing lightly, “Stop thinking, Negan, and just enjoy.”

God help him, if she’d changed her mind, he would have cried like a fucking baby, prick that he was. Well maybe he wouldn’t cry, he wasn’t that much of a fucking pussy, but something close to it. The feel of her mouth on him, was making him lose his mind. The view looking down at his girl, as she worked her magic, was fucking wondrous.

He let his head roll back on his shoulders, soaking in the sensations, muffling a groan he knew would echo loudly through the room if he let it out. He felt the sudden sting of a smack on his ass as Gigi swatted him.

“Don’t you dare hold back on me! If I’m going to put your dick in my mouth you better make some noise to show me you like it!” Her eyes laughed up at him as she went back to work, using one hand, along with her mouth, to stimulate the whole length of him, increasing the pressure and the pace.

“Aww, fuck, Gigi!” Negan threw his head back again with the sentiment, then lowered his chin again to watch her. “You … ahhh, fuck me … you are fucking amazing.” The words came out in a gush of breath, as he struggled to keep his eyes open and locked on hers.

He wanted to show her what she did to him. Like she always did. He was going to fucking show her because it was the least he could do for her. The pressure and suction on his cock increased, making him want to pump his hips to meet her pace, but he knew better. He used all of his internal strength to stand still. She must have felt him holding himself back, because she pulled back long enough to say, “Go ahead.”

She knew, his girl. And she wanted to please him. He began to move his hips, moving his cock in and out of Gigi's mouth, her hand not only stroking him, but acting as bumper which kept him from thrusting too deep. _Perfect! Fucking bees knees, icing on the cake and a fucking milkshake, too, my girl._ Thrusting into her mouth, even carefully, was all it took to push him closer to the edge. She started using both hands to put more pressure on the base of his cock as she stroked it, while she sucked more forcefully on the top. The feeling of the wet heat of her mouth, and her warm, saliva slicked hands, as she looked up at him with those beautiful eyes, did him in.

He startled himself as he orgasmed with a yell, while he looked in her eyes. “Fuck! Gigi!”

Gigi couldn’t take her eyes off of his as she realized he was coming. She pulled back and moved her palm over the head of his cock, letting it fill with his seed as he continued to grind into her other fist. She smiled up at him, loving the look in his eyes. Loving that he shared his orgasm with her when she knew he struggled with showing all of himself. Loving that it got so intense he had to close his eyes for a moment before he regained control and could open them again.

He chuckled as she gave him a wicked grin and licked his cum off her palm and from between her fingers. She was happy and relaxed, and looking more than a little pleased with herself, while he was feeling a little fucking proud of her for jumping over a huge fucking hurdle.

Grabbing her under the arms, he threw her back further on the bed and crawled over top of her, pants and boxers still around his thighs. He kissed her deeply, tasting his own cum on her lips, which was hot as fuck. He felt like he couldn't fucking get enough of her, needing more and closer and _all_.

And he wanted her to come. Hard. Fuck if he wasn’t going to show her the same attention she just gave him. He was going to one up his game, though. He'd been thinking about it all morning.

Gigi hummed as he flipped her onto her stomach, pulling her workout shorts and underwear down her body slowly as he mouthed a line down her covered back, giving her a chance to move or let him know if she was uncomfortable with her position or what he was doing. She helped him by raising her hips and thighs off of the bed. He dropped the clothing to the side, as he used one hand to slowly push one of her legs up and to the side, giving him better access, asking her as he moved her, “This okay?”

She looked over her shoulder at him, with a sexy smile. “Yes, please.”

Negan wrinkled his nose at her and gave her one of his shudders, making her laugh before he went back to the task at hand.

Her ass was one of his favorite fucking parts of her. Especially since she'd added a little meat to it by gaining some weight.  He palmed the firm globes, pushing them together, much like he did frequently with Thelma and Louise, and ran his tongue along the entire length of her crack, and downward. He worked his way back up, and then letting her cheeks go, he dipped his tongue between them an inch on his way back down, wiggling it as he went, making her moan with anticipation.

He had never eaten her ass, or anyone else's for that matter, but after she’d done it to him that morning he wanted to return the favor. Her moan let him know he had the right idea and her relaxed state made it clear this was something she had experienced before and enjoyed. _She fucking enjoys a tongue in her ass! Hot damn!_

Using his fingers to pull her cheeks apart, he studied the little pucker of muscle, dipping his nose closer to breathe her in. He smelled a pussy which was sweet as fucking sugar and the very light scent of her ass, a heady combination for him. He couldn’t help but growl and run the flat of his tongue right across her hole. “Fuck!” he growled again, pushing his tongue up and down over the tight muscle.

Gigi’s response was intense. She didn't just like what he was doing. She _really_ fucking liked it. She cried out loudly in pleasure, heaving two heavy breaths as his tongue passed over her entrance. He increased the pressure with the next passes. He glanced up to see her clutch at the sheet with one hand, the other coming down behind her to grab him by the hair on the top of his head. yanking it to keep him in place as she tilted her ass up to him. _Fuck me!_

Negan went to work first with a broad tongue, and then he explored her rim with the tip of his pointed tongue, listening to her cry out and whimper, and feeling her push herself into his tongue to maximize the pleasure. “Fuck, Gigi! Show me how it feels, darlin’!”

She cried out again as he pushed his pointed tongue into the center of her pucker. The first few tries didn’t make it past the tight rim, but each prod let him in a bit further, until he felt the muscle surround the very tip of his tongue, clenching then relaxing against it. He’d be fucked if it wasn’t the hottest fucking thing he had ever fucking experienced. _Fucky, fucky, fucky, fucky, fuck!!_

“Negan!” Gigi whined and gasped at him, holding his hair in a death grip, grinding herself into his face. “Yes!”

He fucking loved that shit. He needed more. Pulling her bent leg by the ankle so it was straight, he positioned himself on his stomach between her knees. He moved one hand under her belly, lifting her hips off of the mattress, elevating her ass and exposing her pussy to him as well. _Jesus. It really can’t get any fucking better._

She watched over her shoulder as he looked at her, admiring the view, so she spread her knees a bit more, arching her back as much as she could to tilt her ass up, hearing him groan in appreciation. She reached under her belly, to his hand which rested on the mattress, and dragged it down between her legs before letting it go.

Gigi grinned into the bed covers as he seemed to lose his mind, diving back in, stimulating her ass with just the right pressure of his tongue, his fingers starting to play with her clit expertly from the front. She couldn’t do anything other than pant and writhe and cry out, close to the point of no return, clearing her mind of everything but the pleasure he was giving her.

“More pressure, Negan!” she begged him. “Please?” and he did not disappoint, increasing the force of his tongue and his fingers. She let out one final, very long, “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” as her body began to jerk and spasm, her core pulsing as she came.

Gigi found herself suddenly overwhelmed, and she whimpered, her chest beginning to heave with emotion as she started to cry while she rode out her orgasm.

Negan felt and heard her distress immediately. He scrambled up next to her on the bed, pulling her into his arms, kissing her tears away, “I’ve got you, Gigi. I’ve got you.” he repeated several times as he rolled her onto her back, caging her in under his body, protecting her. He busied himself with brushing her hair out of her eyes and thumbing away her tears. He reassured her with gentle kisses and a smile, even though she could see the worry behind it.

Another rush of emotion coursed through her, but this time it was for Negan as he comforted her. Cradling her head in his hands, waiting to attend to her needs as he always did, her self absorbed prick. She raised her head to kiss him, a kiss full of emotion which made her whimper and cry against his lips.

When she let her head fall back to the mattress, he ran his lips across hers, and then along her jawline, patiently waiting for her to guide him. “Can you tell me?” he murmured, wanting to understand.

“There was nothing but you and me.” she whispered back. “It was just you and me, Negan, with no worry, or fear or hesitation. Nothing lurking in the back of my mind.” As the implication of her words sunk in, an expression of affection and amazement she had never seen took over his face.

Negan kissed her, a kiss full of all of the passion and hunger she inspired in him.

“I …” he started to speak, but stopped, lowering his forehead to her cheek. After a  several seconds of silence he lifted his head, and looking into her eyes he simply nodded, because it was all he could manage as too many thoughts invaded his mind.

He should have fucking known she had been struggling with their intimacy. He should have seen it, and moved slower so she didn’t have to feel any fear or anxiety. He had to look away from her. For the first time he could remember, he felt a little ashamed. “I’m sorry, Gigi. I should have fucking known …”

Putting her hand on his cheek, she turned his head back to her, forcing eye contact as she sniffled. “No, Negan! Please don’t,” she insisted through her tears, as if she could see his goddamn thoughts. “You’ve been nothing but amazing, putting up with me. You have given me every little thing I need to work through the most heinous thing anyone could ever experience.

“I don’t have enough words to thank you for how you’ve helped me put myself back together after being virtually shattered inside and out. This piece of the puzzle was one I was afraid would take forever to find and put in place. But I could. _We_ could, and we did. And now all of the other pieces don't seem like they'll be so hard to put in place, because I found _this_ one. All because of your patience. So just don’t … please?”

He nodded at her, deep in thought as he grazed his lips back and forth across hers, then nipped at her bottom lip. She sighed in response, wrapping her arms around him, the fingers of one hand carding through his hair, the other wandering lazily across his shoulders.

He laid with her for a while, before he used his walkie talkie to let Simon know he had some important things to take care of and he'd catch up with his second in command in a few hours, winking at Gigi, as he palmed her breast under her tank top.

____________

The next thing he knew, Negan woke up on his side, wrapped around his pistol with his chin in her cleavage, his pants and underwear still around his thighs. He ran his tongue over Thelma, who had graciously put herself right under his nose, and pulled her rosy peak into his mouth, gently sucking until Gigi began to stir with a little hum of satisfaction. She wrapped her top thigh around his side, and her arms around his head, pulling him to her before she sighed and relaxed back into sleep.

“I have to go, Gigi.” he whispered, “but you stay here and sleep.” He worried about her. She still seemed to need a lot of fucking sleep. He had even stopped at the infirmary to talk to Dr. Carson, asking him if it was normal she wasn't up to full speed yet. Carson assured him considering what she'd been through, she was doing remarkably well. It may take months for her to regenerate from all the physical and emotional trauma she'd suffered.

“Will I see you at the billiards tournament later?” she asked him, her eyes still closed, nibbling on his finger, having sucked it into her mouth as he ran it back and forth over her bottom lip.

“Can't miss it. I need to kick Tayvon’s ass again to keep my title,” he boasted.

“I think you're going to lose your title tonight, Negan,” Gigi whispered in a sleepy voice.

“You think Tay is going to win tonight?”

She could hear the incredulity in his voice. She nodded, her eyes still closed. “You're going _down_ tonight.”

Negan smirked at her as he untangled himself from her, and got out of bed to dress. He leaned down to kiss her lightly before he left, whispering, “Negan always wins, Gigi.” She opened her eyes long enough to smile at him as he pulled the covers around her before he left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read my little story. Hope you have a great weekend!
> 
> Chapter Playlist:  
> "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt-N-Pepa


	9. And Shine Me Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t about seeing her completely nude. It was about the fact she had taken off every fucking thing for him, telling him she trusted him with her disfigurement, when he knew she hadn’t even seen it herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A party.  
> A bet.  
> Some fluff.  
> Some heat.
> 
> Posting this a few days early, because I'll be out of town for a week and don't know if I'll be able to post while I'm gone.

“I want to look like a girl for a day.” Gigi confided to Frankie. “Nothing crazy, but can you help me out? I have nothing to do my hair or makeup. Do you think one of the girls has something I can wear that’s more feminine than cargos?”

Frankie’s eyes lit up as she walked a circle around Gigi. “You going to the pool tournament tonight?”

Gigi nodded at her. “Is it ridiculous I want to look slightly feminine for a change?” She was suddenly doubting the reason for her visit. “I haven't had much of a chance to have a good time since the world went to hell.”

“No, it's not stupid! Come on, Gigi, let me do my thing. I can keep it subtle, if you want. Yvonne, come help me! What should we do with Gigi’s hair? We'll do your hair, Gigi. Up or down, Yvonne? You’ll love it, Gigi!”

The two women fussed over her while they styled her hair, and shared the latest gossip while she put on light makeup, which was mostly talk about the fact Negan had not spent time with any of his wives over the last several weeks. Apparently Amber, Sherry and Tanya were relieved.

Frankie, Yvonne and Kaley, on the other hand, were wondering what the hell was going on. They had signed up to be one of Negan’s wives out of necessity, but they actually liked spending time with him. Gigi found it strange, listening to their perspective about their relationships with Negan, and their guesses as to why he had been MIA.

“He even showed up for a massage one night,  but left without sex. It's just bizarre.” Frankie mused. “I miss him. I definitely miss the sex.”

“Don't I know it! I've had to break out my vibrator a few times,” Yvonne confided. “I can't just go without ‘til he decides to show up. Who knows when that'll be!”

Gigi just nodded, and smiled when appropriate, as she wondered how long it would be before Negan made his way back to one of them. She knew it was inevitable, and she wasn't looking forward to how it would feel when it finally happened.

“I just can't imagine him going without sex for so long. Tanya thinks he's found someone new to play with. Maybe she's right,” Frankie concluded.

“Would it bother you if he did?” The question came out of Gigi's mouth before she could stop it.

Both women looked at her before Yvonne asked, “What do you know, woman?”

“Yeah, Gigi, what do you know?”

“It's just a question!” Gigi evaded. She didn't think it was her place to fill these women in on her relationship with Negan. If and how he told them should be up to him. She was just curious as to what they would think about it, since it seemed to be atypical for him to spend so much time away from them.

“I don't know. If Negan disappeared because he's been spending all of his time with someone new, he must really care about her. He never did that with any of _us_. I might be a little jealous,” Frankie admitted.

“A little jealous and a little worried.” Yvonne got quiet after her admission, frowning.

Gigi didn't know why it made her feel better to know in some way, they felt the same way she did when it came to Negan sharing his affection. Strangely, it made her feel better to know these two women, at least, honestly cared about him. “I can understand that,” she generalized, understanding how they felt, more than they realized.

______________

“I knew I recognized you from somewhere!’ Keno exclaimed, _Gigi Ray, After Dark!_ I used to listen to you all the time! The liquor store, where I worked in DC, had a bus stop in front of it. For about a year an ad for your show on WKYS was plastered on the side of it! I used to see your face every day!”

“Gigi Ray?” Regina wandered into the conversation. “You're _that_ Gigi? You _are!_ I knew you looked familiar. I didn't even recognize you with the different hair and no makeup! My girlfriend and I went to the Christmas Fest you used to emcee for the radio station a couple of times. I thought her head was going to explode the year Blondie was there. She followed her around like a stalker all night.”

The former deejay was surrounded by fans who had finally figured out her alter ego, thanks to Liz, who had announced it to everyone because she was a little buzzed from three shots of vodka she had tossed back with the Joeys. It seemed both Joeys had a thing for Liz, and they were trying to show Liz how charming they could be, by plying her with alcohol.

“So you're playing me first tonight, Gigi,” Keno briefed her as he handed her a second Absolut and soda water on the rocks to replace the still half full one in her hand. “Drink up! It's time to get started.”

Gigi chugged down the rest of her first drink, setting the empty glass on the table next to her and headed to the racks of pool cues which had been hung on the wall. She picked her poison, rolling it on the felt of one of the two tables to make sure it wasn't warped. She chalked the tip as Regina informed her she got to break, since her name was listed before Keno's in their round.

Apparently the monthly tournament was serious business. Fat and Skinny had written the contenders on a free standing chalkboard which stood against one wall. “Some of these people aren't here.” Gigi looked at the list with curiosity.

“Some of the better players will trickle in,” Gavin informed her, “since they don't play until later.”

“Well, boys and girls, I guess I didn't need to be here until later!” she announced to the crowd. Being the show woman she had been in their former life, she sauntered up to their table, bent over it to examine the surface, and placed the cue ball in her favorite position. She drew her arm back a few times to gauge the follow through of her shot, and then slammed home a beautiful break, sending a solid ball into a far corner pocket. She pocketed three more balls before missing the fifth shot.

“You're screwed, man,” Gavin looked at Keno as he put his drink down to take his shot.

“No kidding.” Keno was no match for Gigi's skills, and their game was quickly over. She played three more games against low level players, wiping the floor with them.

“So, you have some mad skills with a pool cue, too, huh?” Tayvon came up behind her, squeezing her shoulder.

Gigi gave him a hug, glad to see another member of her team. “I see you're up at the top, on Negan’s level, so you must have some skills yourself. I hear he's the one to beat.”

“It usually comes down to me, him and Gavin,” he explained, “but the boss man wins two out of three times.”

“That's going to change tonight, Tay.”

“You feeling lucky?” the man asked her.

“Luck won't have anything to do with it.” She winked at him and then moved back towards the table to watch Skinny Joey break to start her next game, which Gigi also won quickly.

Negan heard the cheering and hollering as he stepped into the hallway from the stairwell, headed to the rec room. _Must be a good game_ _,_ he thought to himself as he stood in the doorway, looking in at the party going on inside.  The group of people around the table on the left let out a moan of sympathy as Regina’s ball miss the called pocket by an inch. He had a perfect view since the crowd was hovering close to walls, as usual, to stay out of the way. No one had noticed him yet, since their attention was focused on the game.

Regina’s competition approached the table, her back to him, and Negan squinted, tilting his head to the side to take the woman in. He wouldn’t have recognized her from the back if it weren’t for her pink suede cowboy hat. Gigi’s waves and curls had been straightened and styled so he wouldn't have recognized her at a glance. Then she bent over the table to take her shot. Her feet were spread two feet apart, one hip cocked up to shift her weight and the position of her arm. He'd recognize Gigi's ass anywhere. She was wearing tight as fuck black jeans, with some sort of sleeveless silky thing on top which showed off her toned arms.

She sunk her shot, and then took several steps, eyeing her possibilities before she moved to the other side of the table, facing him, and leaned over to line up her shot. _Hot damn!_ The top she was wearing was cut low, and he had a perfect view of his two best friends, which seemed to be pushed up out of the top of her bra. After he eyed her ass and tits lecherously, he took in her face, which was stunning. It wasn’t because she was wearing a bit of makeup, making her skin look flawless, her eyelashes longer and her full lips a darker shade of fucking luscious. It was the smile, the relaxed demeanor, and the sparkle in her eyes as she played the crowd, looking up and calling out a smart ass come back at Slug, who had yelled at her to corral her puppies before they fell out on the table.  

He fucking loved the sparkle. He loved the fuck out of everything else about her too, now that he was thinking about it. He had it bad for this woman he’d met in the middle of the fucking apocalypse. He never would have expected it.

She made her shot, sinking the eight ball into the side pocket after calling it. As she stood up, she saw him standing there, and her eyes lit up as she squinted at him, shaking her head in disbelief.

Gigi was so stunned she had a hard time remembering what she needed to do. She tried to wipe the smile off her face, and gave her two burst whistle before twisting her hand from side to side in the air, and she and her team immediately changed their stance to their submissive position. Liz even managed to stumble off her bar stool when she heard the familiar whistle. The sudden action of her team made everyone else look around the room, and one by one Negan’s people caught sight of him in the doorway. Negan’s handful of top tier people, including Simon and Arat mimicked the position of Gigi’s team, as she had taught them, lowering their heads and eyes for two beats at the click of her tongue, while everyone else lowered themselves to one knee, eyes on the floor.

As her head came back up, Gigi took the opportunity to mouth, “Oooh!” to him with a sultry look, since no one would see. He had shaved his beard off, and he looked hot as hell.

She knew why he’d done it. He was always lamenting his beard left red marks on her face and neck after they fooled around. She did have sensitive skin, and admitted to him she wondered what it would be like to be kissed by his smooth shaven mouth, or have him eat her without the scrape of his whiskers on her sensitive folds. But she was perfectly happy the way he was, and would never have expected him to shave.

He winked at her as he walked into the room, taking it over as he always did. “As you were, people! Let’s get this party started!”

She couldn’t help but continue to stare at him, trying to be subtle, as he walked through the room, making his way to the bar. He wouldn’t come right over to her, she knew, but would likely make his way around to her over time.  

Regina informed her at eight o’clock there would be a break before the next round, and disappeared with Tayvon to get shots for their team because, she insisted, the team needed to have a little bit of quality bonding time, and there was nothing like alcohol to help that along.

Gigi talked with Slug until they returned, and then slammed down a shot of tequila with her team. Arat joined them, informing Gigi she needed to come up with a name for her team, since all of the teams had one. Little Timmy and the Dick Brigade, Keno and the Crazy Eight, Wade and the Psycho Six. They threw some possible names around, and then threw some foul names into the ring for consideration, each one getting more ridiculous.

At 8:15 Tayvon and Regina got another round of shots from the bar, and Reg toasted to Gigi’s Pussy Posse, causing Gigi to spit a  little bit of tequila at Laura’s stomach, while Tay and Slug both reminded everyone vehemently they were proud owners of penises, so Regina’s group name was not acceptable.

By 8:30, Tay was coming back from the bar with another round of shots, carrying them all by himself as they all cheered, “Go, Tay Tay! Go, Tay Tay! Go, Tay Tay!” He only lost one glass, when he stopped to gyrate his hips to the beat for several seconds.

“Sorry. You don’t get one since I'm short handed.” he teased Regina when he handed the last shot to Slug. “Ladies first.”

“Such a gentleman!” Slug sighed dramatically, squeezing Tay’s muscular upper arm in thanks.

“Fuck you, Tay.” Regina gave him the finger, and stormed off to the bar to get her _own fucking shot,_ but she was back a few minutes later to drink it with them, a smile on her face. As much of a smile as Regina could manage, anyway.

At 9:00, after another shot, Gigi, and Laura were singing backup for Slug’s rousing rendition of _Girls Just Want to Have Fun,_ from atop the bar. Slug insisted he sing lead, since it was his theme song, after all.

At 9:15, the tournament began again, but since she wasn’t playing until the next game, Gigi led a conga-limbo line around the room, and under a mop handle held by the Joeys, who were having a hard time keeping it straight in their current state of inebriation. It appeared they’d drunk even more alcohol than they’d poured into Liz, who had spent her last fifteen minutes at the bar trying to get a hair off of her tongue while Cyndi Lauper performed above her. She had always thought Cyndi Lauper was a solo artist, not a three person group. It was kind of exciting there were real pop stars living at the Sanctuary.

Negan kept an eye on Gigi’s antics, sporting an amused grin as he wondered if he would have to peel his girl off of the floor later.

“Negan!” Frankie’s arms were thrown around him from behind, pulling him back to her so she could kiss his cheek. He turned to kiss her temple in greeting, and they whispered back and forth in very close proximity while he watched Gavin kick Simon’s ass at the closest pool table. Frankie’s hand was tucked into the front of his jacket the whole time.  

Gigi took in the exchange, from the other side of the room, from her vantage point close to Tay’s current game. It was definitely upsetting to see a woman other than herself wrapped around Negan. She would deal with it though, end of story, because she had known it was only a matter of time before she would see him interacting with one of his wives this way. She also had a tournament to win, and was not going to be distracted.

Gigi bellied up to the table to play her next game, against Gavin. She was lucky she was a heavy weight for her size when it came to drinking, so she was sporting a manageable buzz as she started the final round of play. Gavin’s skills were impressive, so she was going to need to play her A game to win and move to the next level.

Negan finally got up from the bar, and moved to Gigi’s table to watch her play. She definitely knew her way around a billiards table. Gigi sunk the eight ball while Gavin still had one on the table, with a double bank shot, causing the crowd to cheer when it went in the pocket.

Frankie approached Gigi as she stood at the bar, waiting for a soda water. In her usual fashion, the redhead walked right up next to her, totally invading her space, her torso pressed against Gigi’s side, fingers wrapped around her arm. “You’re not going to believe what happened after you left today!” Frankie spoke excitedly in a low voice, so as not to be overheard.

“What happened?” She couldn’t imagine what was so exciting and also needed to be kept on the down low.

“Negan finally came for a visit,” the redhead confided.

Gigi thought she might need to vomit if Frankie confided she had sex with Negan. “Oh?”

Frankie tugged on her arm, looking around the room like she wanted to be sure she wasn’t being watched. Gigi couldn’t figure out why. “Negan told Amber, Sherry, Tanya and Annie they should go back to the work floor! He told them, _while I've enjoyed my time with you, I need to declutter my life.”_

Gigi’s mind raced at the thought. Negan had made no mention of turning some of his wives loose. “Really? Sherry and Amber must be happy to go back to their husbands.” She didn't quite know how to respond to the news. She realized the whole situation was bizarre, a downside suddenly popping into her head. “Oh no! What’s Amber going to do to get the meds her mom needs?” She couldn’t believe she was worried about what would happen if the woman left Negan’s care. _What the hell?_

“I’m telling you, Gigi, it’s the strangest thing. He told them he would continue to provide them with the material perks of being one of his wives, _because that’s just the kind of guy I fucking am!”_ Frankie did her spot on impersonation of him again, which made her friend smile. “Now it’s just me, Yvonne and Kaley!” It was clear she was excited at the prospect.

“Why do you think he chose those four?” Gigi asked her. She knew the three remaining wives were the ones who actually cared for Negan. She couldn’t help but wonder if he knew it, too.

“He knew they didn’t care enough to want to stay. He came to me first, to talk, to tell me what he was thinking about doing. He asked me if he was correct in thinking those four were the ones to let go. He knew.” Frankie shook her head, “I think he’s known it all along, but he didn’t care. He wanted what he wanted, everything and everybody else be damned.”

“Why now, Frankie?” Gigi’s mind was reeling with all of the information the young woman was feeding her. She would have thought she’d be excited if she found out Negan cut down the number of his wives, but she was confused, her head spinning at the many possible implications.

The redhead studied her new friend’s dazed expression for a moment. “I _know_ , Gigi.  He told me you’re the reason why he hasn’t been around. He talks to me, you know, about things he doesn’t tell the other wives.”

Gigi looked at Frankie, hearing what she was really saying. She knew Frankie had feelings for Negan. She also knew the woman was hurt he had neglected her lately for his new relationship. Frankie obviously wanted to be the one to drop this news bomb on her, because she needed Gigi to know Negan still confided in her. She needed to hold onto something intimate she shared with him, since it was the only thing she had, at the moment. She couldn't even be upset with the redhead, because she knew Frankie wasn't trying to be malicious. Gigi felt bad for playing a part in the woman’s hurt. “I’m sorry, Frankie. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just needed some time …”

The woman cut her off. “It’s okay, Gigi. Really. I'm glad he’s happy. He would never tell me, but I could see it on his face while he was talking about you. I was a little jealous at first, but I’m really glad it’s you.” She was a quiet for a moment, deep in thought.  “I think you’re good for him. The way he was talking today, and the changes that have been made here since you’ve arrived … he needed you, Gigi. He didn’t even know it, but he did. Mikey, the workers … and the four girls he dumped tonight? They needed you, too. This is what was supposed to happen. It’s what _needed_ to happen.”

“This is such a strange situation, Frankie,” Gigi responded.  “I know it’s a new world, and we can make up any rules we want for moving forward, but this sharing thing is hard for me. It sounds like it’s hard for you, too. I really appreciate you talking to me about this. I’d rather us talk about it, than build up resentment or misunderstandings.”

“So, you care about him, too, Gigi?” The young woman asked, a pleading look in her eyes and it was obvious she was worried about Negan’s feelings.

“I do. Too much, I think. The asshole.” Both women laughed at the sentiment. She pulled Frankie in for a hug, squeezing her with genuine affection. The redhead left her then, walking to the other side of the room to talk to Keno. Gigi's mind was racing with questions which might never be answered. She took a deep breath, and gave a little shake of her head, wanting to let it go for now, so she could enjoy the rest of the night.

When she turned back around on her bar stool, and looked over the room to see what was going on with the current games, she found Negan staring at her from his position against the far wall, a serious expression on his face, and she was sure he had seen the exchange between her and Frankie.

Negan thought Gigi looked utterly fucking bewildered. There was no other way to put it. It looked like she and Frankie had had a real heart to heart. From the expressions on her face as she and his wife had talked, Gigi looked like she didn’t quite know what the fuck to make of it all.

He hoped he had done the right thing, letting some of his wives go. He did it for her because, like he’d confided before they’d fooled around on the floor of her room, he was trying to make her happy. He also wasn't interested in keeping the four indifferent women around any longer, when he had someone he genuinely enjoyed spending time with. He wasn't sure he wanted to keep the remaining three women around either, but for now he needed the safety net. Watching Gigi though, he wasn’t so sure he hadn’t made a huge fucking mistake, because she didn’t look at all happy.

As he questioned his choices, she caught his gaze. Tilting her head at him, with a small smile, she put her hand up to her mouth, patting her lips twice with four fingers, held vertically. Negan couldn’t believe he was so dominated by his affection for her he let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, when he saw her hand gesture.

She had showed him some of her family’s sign language the day before, telling him they used them to express affection for each other, long before the turn. The sign originally meant “You make me happy,” but when her daughter was seven, Gigi had attended parent’s day at school, sitting in on Elena’s class for a few hours. During some quiet work, Elena looked up, searching out her mother at the other side of the room, and patted her lips when she caught Gigi’s eye. Later, when Gigi asked her daughter if she did it because she was happy mommy was there, Elena informed her with an exaggerated nod, when she was especially happy it made her heart hurt, and that day, when she looked at her mommy her heart had hurt, so she signed to let her know. From that point forward, the signal meant, _you make my heart hurt in the best way._

Gigi gave him the sign, and he responded by giving her a single nod, his eyes closing as his chin lowered, and then opening again on the upswing.

“Gigi! You’re up!” Gavin called from halfway across the room. Gigi would play Tayvon, and their auto expert, Ray, would now play Negan. The winner of each game would face off to win the tournament.

Tay Tay was a formidable opponent. “You have to let me win, Tay, because I’m your boss,” Gigi demanded.

“Sorry, boss. No can do,” the man replied, sinking three shots in a row. Their game was close, but what cost the man the win was his last shot at the eight ball. The eight ball was blocked from the pocket by Gigi’s last stripe. There was no way to get around it, he thought, other than an iffy bank shot. Tayvon missed the pocket by two inches. Gigi sunk her last ball, and the eight ball to win the game. The crowd cheered and dispersed, moving to watch Ray and Negan’s game as Gigi and Tay shook hands before Gigi pulled the man to her for a hug.

“Let me show you another way around that shot,” she offered. She put balls back on the table, in the same position they were placed for Tay’s last shot.

“You gotta bank it,” Tay insisted. “You gonna bank it another way? I’m not seein’ it.”

“Watch and learn, my friend.” Gigi angled her stick forty five degrees.

“No fucking way!” Tay exclaimed, knowing what she was going to do. “Go on, girl! You are not gonna!”

“I am!” Gigi laughed. It took her longer than usual to set her stance and check her follow through for the awkward shot, but she finally pulled back slightly, and stroked the stick into top edge of cue ball, jumping it over top of the road block, so it hit the eight ball into the pocket.  

“That's just fucking awesome! That's all there is to it,” Tayvon praised her.

Gigi placed some balls back on the table, showing him other examples of how to jump a ball from different distances.

They made their way over to the other table in time for the last few shots. Ray was very skilled, but Negan had an edge, and won the game while Ray still had two left on the table. Gigi was more than a little bit excited to go up against the strongest player. She wanted to beat him.

As the crowd applauded, someone called out, “New Girl versus the Boss Man in fifteen minutes!”

Gigi decided she would use the break time to go to the bathroom. Her handful of drinks were calling for release. She headed down the hallway, and into the women’s room door, right before the entry to the stairwell. She washed her hands and checked her lip color before she left, noticing it was minimal. She used her finger to spread what lip stain was left over her lips to even out the bare hint of color and then opened the door to head back to the rec room. She was startled by Negan who was only six feet in front of her, and seemed to be coming right at her. He looked like a man on a mission as he took a quick look over his shoulder and then grabbed her hand to pull her into the stairwell.

Gigi gasped as she was immediately pinned to the wall, by his hips, his fingers tilting her hat back so he could look her in the eye more easily. “You look beautiful tonight, Princess Top Dog.” He squinted at her, in his way, pulling back a few inches when she started to move her lips to his.

He was so close. She could see the smoothness of his clean shaven skin, and she desperately needed to feel it under her lips. He pulled back when she moved to kiss him, and she heard her own sad little panting breath at the loss.

“Don’t tease me, Negan.” She suddenly reached between them, grabbed his cock through his pants, and massaged it firmly. He let out a long low hum of approval on the corner of her mouth, keeping his lips close to hers, but still not touching them.

“But I haven’t heard the magic word yet. Not unless I get a please, Gigi.” Negan could hear the sound of his own voice, and he definitely was not sounding strong in his assertion. _Shit!_

Gigi’s hand left his hard on, and she pushed him gently away from her, crossing her arms over her chest. “You wanna play? I can play that game, too.”

Her words were firm, but her body language was definitely not. He could see her chest heaving slightly, and the lust in her eyes was clear. It was as if they were feeling him up, just as her hands did, as she stared at the erection now outlined in his pants. He wanted to win this game of wills, but it had been making him fucking crazy all night he couldn't touch her, and it had to happen now.

His jaw clenched, and his nostrils flared when her eyes came up from his crotch, back to his. He took one step towards her, arm wrapping around her waist, as his lips descended on hers. She cried out at the sudden feel of him, making his ego and desire explode.  She clutched at his arms, digging her fingernails in, as if to ensure he stayed close. He broke the kiss, running his lips and chin over hers, letting her feel the smoothness against her skin, listening to her sigh in response.

He felt her tremble from head to toe as he nuzzled and nipped at her jawline and then ran his lips down her neck before burying his forehead there. He pressed himself to her, wanting to soak her in as her hand came up to wrap around the back of his neck. “We should get back,” he murmured. “You know they’re placing bets on our game.”

“Oh, really? No need for bets,” Gigi goaded him. “It’s a sure thing I’m going to win.”

Negan pulled his head back to look at her. “You think so? Maybe we should just place a little wager of our own.”

“Ooooh. Now you’re talking. Hmmm. What do I want from you?” she pursed her lips, looking up at the ceiling as if she were struggling to find an answer. He continued to look at her as she brought her eyes back to his with a salacious smile. “Loser has to fulfill every ... reasonable desire of the winner tonight. _Total_ control for the winner … as long as it involves your clean shaven face touching every part of my body!” She gave a sexy laugh as she ran her fingers across his cheek.

Growling at her, he pulled her in for one more kiss, soft and sweet. “You’re on.” He gave her ass a firm smack, then let her go, watching her walk around the corner. He followed after a few beats, walking down the hall behind her. “Gigi?” he called out. When she turned around he tossed her hat like a frisbee to her. “You dropped something.”

Gigi smiled at him as she caught it. She hadn’t even realized it had fallen off of her head. She put it back on as she walked, cocking it to the side and strutting into the rec room, deliberately swaying her ass for his viewing pleasure.

“Let’s do this!” Gigi called, approaching the table as Negan entered the room. “The new girl is going to take the boss man down!” Cheers and whistles went up from the crowd, followed by some boos from the people who had placed their bets for Negan. She placed the cue ball, and totally by chance she pocketed two solids on the break. The crowd went wild, cheering, and sending up a chorus of “Ooooooh!” as the new girl winked exaggeratedly at the big boss and circled the table to line up her next shot. She sunk two more solids with her next two shots, cocking her head at him and giving him a cocky grin, which the crowd ate up.

“All right people! Don’t forget who’s ass you need to fucking kiss in this place!” Negan smirked as the crowd laughed, and he leaned over the table, making quick work of three stripes. His last shot was a bank shot, which sparked the crowd to cheer. He blew on his knuckles, and then polished them on the lapel of his jacket, as Gigi rolled her eyes at him.

When they were down to the final few balls, the atmosphere changed, the crowd quieted, and the players became very serious in their desire to win. Tension was high.  Each player had one ball left to sink before the eight ball as Gigi started her turn. She tapped the side pocket with the tip of her cue, then leaned over the table to shoot. She needed to put a forward spin on the cue ball so it would rebound and come back across the table to the perfect spot to shoot the eight ball into the corner pocket. She made her shot, pocketing the last solid. The cue ball moseyed it’s way across the table, stopping in the worst position possible, for the average player, behind Negan’s stripe. His ball now sat between the cue ball and the eight ball. It was the same shot Tay had missed during their game. The crowd groaned, someone from Team Negan yelling, “Pay up, losers!”

“Now, now, people! Give the new girl a _chance_!” the boss man appealed to the crowd with exaggerated concern in his voice, stomping his foot, his hips snapping forward as his shoulders jerked back. He turned to look at Gigi, raising one eyebrow. She raised her palm at him in response, making everyone cheer or laugh. Negan was enjoying the way he and his spitfire were playing the crowd.

“You got this, girl!” Tay called to her, stepping forward through the crowd to rub her shoulders, as if she were a boxer in the corner of the ring. Gigi laughed, patting his hand, and stepped forward to position herself for a jump shot, moving the stick back, forward and back in the crook of her thumb several times to ensure it followed through properly.

Negan knew what she was doing, by the position of the tip of her cue stick, before she even hit the white ball. It was subtle, but as another seasoned player, he could see it. When she finally did complete the shot, the cue ball didn’t clear his ball, but hit it instead, driving it into the eight ball, which went into the pocket. She had lost the game by foul, for hitting his ball before the eight ball. The crowd cheered, and some groaned as she looked him in the eye with a smile and a shrug of her shoulders.

Only Negan and Gigi knew she had thrown the game. It felt like all of his blood ran to his dick, as his head spun with the possibilities of what would happen later. _She threw the fucking game!_

He saw Tayvon look at her incredulously, going on about how he couldn’t believe she’d missed the shot after she’d just sunk a half dozen jumpshots for him. Negan had watched her sink those jump shots for Tay with little effort. That, and the way she had lined up the cue incorrectly, was how Negan knew she had thrown the game.

He moved to the rack on the wall to hang his stick up, and as he turned to walk away Gigi was in front of him, mischief in her eyes. “My place,” she commanded. He could only nod and take her stick, putting it in the rack.

Gigi made her rounds to say goodnight to everyone, and was on fire as she practically ran down the hall to her room. It was located in a part of the building which was only passed through if someone wanted to get to the warehouse next door, she realized, which gave her an idea.

Ten minutes later, when Negan walked through the hallway to Gigi’s room, he spied something in the middle of the floor, under one of the dimly lit ceiling lights. He picked up her shoe, trying to figure out why the fuck it was left there. Around the corner and through the set of double doors leading to her hallway he found the other shoe on the floor, which he collected as well. Twenty feet from her door he found her bra, draped casually over an old water fountain. _Nice!_ He grinned as he added it to his collection, picking up his pace. Her black jeans were strewn a few feet from her door, and he collected those, as well. He grabbed his key to open her door, but as he moved his hand to the lock, he realized there was something wrapped around the door handle. A lacy thong. She had wrapped it around the handle a few times. He unwrapped it with his free hand. Moving it to his nose, he breathed in the scent of her, lightly groaning as his cock started to show interest in her tease.

He fumbled with his key, trying to keep all of her clothes in his free hand while he attempted to unlock the door and turn the handle. “Fuck it!” he dropped everything and unlocked the door quickly, kicking the clothing inside before stepping over the threshold then closing and locking the door. Her cowboy hat was on the floor, a few steps inside the door, upside down on the landing, tossed there carelessly.

Gigi kept a single bulb lit on the landing, as a guide to get down the steps. He looked around, and could see one dim light on in her living area. As he moved towards the steps to his right, closest to her space, he spied her blouse hanging on the hand railing.

Her blouse. _She doesn't have a top on?_

She had yet to fully uncover her top half in front of him because of the scars on her back. He picked it up, looking at it in confusion, wondering if she changed into something else, when he heard her voice from the floor below.

_______________

Gigi saw him come into view on the landing, giving his eyes time to adjust to the dark as he looked around. She was trembling with excitement as he made his way to the stairs. He picked up her blouse, staring at it as he toyed with it in his hands, considering what it meant. She knew he would understand her message.

“I thought I waited long enough to parade around naked in front of you,” she called out to him. “I thought you deserved a show, since you’ve waited so patiently.”

Negan’s eyes came around to the sound of her voice in the dark. He assumed she would be in her room, but if he would have looked to the left he would have seen her standing there the whole time, watching him. There were no lights in the area outside of her living space, but just as the sun shined through the windows during the day, the moonlight shined through now. She was standing in the middle of an area of light which bathed the floor, her figure backlit with blue light from the moon. A faint amount of light from her room shined at her from the side, delicately illuminating her facial features.  It painted a beautiful picture, her feminine curves outlined perfectly. _Fucking_ _ethereal._ He walked down the steps, and moved towards her in the dark, stopping ten feet in front of her. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her if he tried.

She was completely nude. It really shouldn't have been a big deal to him, but it was. He had seen her with only a flimsy tank top before, in the light of day, which revealed almost every sensuous square inch of her to his lecherous gaze. He had touched every inch of her skin and had seen every bit she had allowed him to see, and if he put the puzzle pieces together in his mind, he could envision all but the area from the middle of her back up to her shoulders.

But it wasn’t about how much of her he had seen. It wasn’t about seeing her completely nude. It was about the fact she had taken off _every fucking thing_ for him, telling him she trusted him with her disfigurement, when he knew she hadn’t even seen it herself. _Why does she do these things that play with my fucking heart? She’s killing me with this shit._

But he fucking loved it. He _loved_ it. Because he loved _her_ . He. Loved. Her. _Oh shit._

The realization made his mind reel, and he reached up and patted his lips twice, with his four fingers held vertically, before he lowered his hand and knocked his knuckles on his chest over his heart to emphasize the point, hearing her let out a whimper in response.

Fuck if he had ever met anyone like her. She was beautiful and so full of life. She was intelligent, physically strong and so fucking sexy it made his cock ache. What he really found fascinating about her though, was what went on inside of her. Which sounded so fucking cheesy, but it was true. She felt everything so strongly, whether it was her own emotions, or someone else’s. She could read people, just like she read him, and she always knew the right thing to say to draw a person into her, or bring them up, or make them feel better about themselves. Spreading her fucking sunshine on them and making them feel worthwhile.

Just like her whimper. _Fucking with my heart again._ It wasn’t contrived or dramatized. It was raw and true, drawing him in, telling him with one tiny fucking sound how the show of affection from the sorry ass guy in front of her made her feel. He was drenched in her fucking glitter and rainbows and like the weak ass fuck he was for her, he couldn’t get enough of it. Negan’s head dropped forward, and he cleared his throat as he grappled with his feelings for her, not sure if he was ready to express them to her.

Gigi moved to him quickly, pushing herself into his chest, entwining her fingers with his at his sides, burying her face in his neck. She could feel him breathing her in as his lips started to move down the side of her face, kissing his way down to her ear then to her lips.

She hummed, with a smile as she moved her lips lightly across his, then moved them along his chin and jaw, feeling the smoothness.

Negan heard her purr as she moved her lips across his skin. He stepped back from her, running the fingertips of one hand from her collarbone down to her belly. He ran them lightly over her mons and between her thighs, listening to her breath hitch. He ran them up one hip, raising his other hand to join in as he spread his fingers, running them up her sides, feeling her tremble as he celebrated the fact she wasn’t wearing one stitch of clothing.

For him.

He took another step into her as the back of his fingers tapped on the inside of her upper arms, silently telling her to raise them. When she brought them up, his fingers continued their journey, grazing up her arms to her hands, where he clasped them together in one of his, holding them tightly, noting her light intake of breath as he did so. He ran his other hand gently down her back to the very bottom of her ass, giving it a squeeze as his fingertips dug lightly at the back of her folds, as a tease. Gigi’s breath stuttered, making him smile.

He moved his lips to her ear. “You look fucking amazing, Gigi,” he whispered as he let her hands go, content to stand in her space, feeling the warmth of her, taking in the scent of her. “I've never seen anything as beautiful as you standing here in the moonlight in all your fucking glory.”

“I thought the backlight might paint a dramatic picture for you,” she explained. “It felt like I was standing on a stage, while I waited for you, a spotlight shining down on me.”

Negan studied her for a moment before he blurted out suddenly, “Sing me a song, Gigi,” as if her description gave him an idea.

“Sing you a song?” She tilted her head in question. _Most men would want a lap dance from a naked woman. Mine wants a song._

When he nodded in response, she reached out, lacing her fingers with his, and started to tap out a slow beat on the inside of his index finger with her thumb so he could feel it, too. “The song I want to sing has the L word in it, Negan. That’s not going to freak you out, is it?” she grinned up at him.

“Fuck, no.”

“It’s from a movie with Cher and Christina Aguilera I loved, _Burlesque_ ,” she related softly. “I always wanted to be a dancer, so I taught myself all the dances in the movie and danced around the house to the soundtrack.” Negan smiled as she chuckled at herself while she continued to tap out the beat on his hand, and started to sing softly as he grinned at her.

_Sweet love, sweet love_

_Trapped in your love_

_I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust_

_My heart and I were buried in dust_

_Free me, free us_

The light played along the edges of her body and her hips swayed to keep the beat.  She pulled at his hands moving him with her, looking into his eyes as she sang softly. It was a powerful moment for Negan, and he hung on every word.

_You’re all I need when I’m holding you tight_

_If you walk away I will suffer tonight_

_I found a man I can trust_

_And boy, I believe in us_

_I am terrified to love for the first time_

_Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains_

_I finally found my way_

_I am bound to you_

_I am bound to you_

 

_So much, so much, I’ve faced on my own_

_Walls I built up became my home_

_I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us_

_Sweet love, so pure_

As they slow danced, their positions changed so the light illuminated the front of her, and he swayed with her, mesmerized, her eyes holding his as her heart talked to him through the song, with words which were profoundly appropriate. The volume and intensity of her voice increased, washing over him and into him as they moved in the dark. Her eyes lit up and she smiled around the words she was singing, and it felt like his heart fucking skipped a beat. _She’s fucking me up with this romantic shit._

_I catch my breath we’re just one beating heart_

_And I brace myself, please don’t tear this apart._

_I found a man I can trust_

_And boy, I believe in us_

_I am terrified to love for the first time_

_Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains_

_I finally found my way_

_I am bound to you_

_I am bound to you_

 

_Suddenly the moment’s here_

_I embrace my fears_

_All that I have been carrying all these years_

_Do I risk it all, come this far just to fall, fall?_

 

_Oh I can trust_

_And boy I believe in us_

_I’m terrified to love for the first time_

_Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?_

_And finally found my way_

_I am bound to you_

 

_I am_

_Ooh, I am_

_I’m bound to you_

When she finished, she smiled at him in the dark then moved to whisper in his ear. “It feels like that song was written so I'd be able to tell you how I feel about you … and everything you've been to me since I got here, Negan.”

“Take me to bed, woman,” Negan commanded lowly.

She did. His pistol turned to walk into her living space, pulling him along behind her. He ogled the sway of her hips and beautiful fucking ass as he followed, as they became more illuminated with the approaching light. When they made it to the makeshift doorway which lead to the bedroom, he was startled to realize he could see the image on her back.

He studied it, in its entirety, as they continued to move into her bedroom. He had known what it was, having seen enough of it when he’d cared for her wound, to get an idea of the full picture. Strangely, if he didn't think, for one millisecond, about what comprised the lines, and the torture she went through as the image was created,  he would describe it, emotions aside, as beautiful. The fucking asshole must have been a tattoo artist, or artist of another sort, to create such a stunning, detailed piece of work.

The beauty though, was completely overshadowed by the sickening thought of how the depraved fucker worked with his knife, how precisely he cut her to achieve depth, using cuts which were deeper in the skin to create thick lines, shallow cuts to create thin lines.

There were cuts which mottled the tissue to sit further up off the skin to enhance depth, as opposed to those which barely scratched the surface. It all came together, portraying a fusion of unimaginable horrors but also unspeakable strength, creating an image which was a stunningly appropriate representation of the woman who wore it.

She stopped at the side of her bed, turning to him, and his chest ached at the angst in her eyes, the uncertainty, and the fear at knowing he'd seen the scars. All of them. Sweeping her into his arms, Negan kissed her deeply, holding her as tightly and as closely as he could, pushing his hardening erection against her belly because he wanted her to feel his passion, a passion which had not diminished because of what he had just seen, but had been nourished all the more.

He felt her initial stiffness and hesitation fade as he convinced her, with his lips, and tongue, his roaming hands and clutching fingertips and with a moan full of hunger, he was desperate for her just the way she was.

When he finally pulled back from her, she was relaxed into his arms, letting him bear the brunt of her weight. Her head had fallen back as if she didn't have the strength to hold it up, his kiss literally having made her weak in the knees. _I. Am. Fucking. Awesome!_

Gigi opened her eyes slowly, seeing nothing but overwhelming adoration in his eyes, which filled her heart. “You know you are really _not_ living up to your image of self absorbed prick with all of this mushy, touchy feely stuff you've been pulling lately.”

Negan let out one of his rare, genuine laughs and buried his nose behind her ear, whispering, “Yeah, but I get to fool around with a fucking hot babe if I bring on the mushy, touchy feely stuff.”

“ _There_ it is!” she laughed. “I knew there had to be some ‘all about Negan’ in there somewhere!”

“ _Always!_ ” He picked her up and laid her on the bed, stepping back to look at her, and Gigi watched him taking her in. He raised one hand, bringing it to her belly and running his fingertips up and down the length of her torso. His touch made her quiver, and he smiled, looking back up at her eyes.

“We have a wager to settle, new girl,” he reminded her, looking her in the eye as he ran his hands all over her, wanting to get started with their fun.

“Ahh, yes,” she grinned. “I have to fulfill all of my boss's desires.”

“Nope. You have it backwards.”

She looked at him confused. “What do you mean?”

“Because you threw the game, Gigi. We both know it. You would have made that jump shot.”

“And?” She couldn't wait to hear what he had to say.

“So the real winner gets to have every reasonable fucking desire fulfilled, and hopefully some unreasonable ones if the real loser is lucky. Oh, yes, the winner also gets to feel my fabulously clean shaven face all over every damned square inch of her body, if I remember correctly.”

“It sounds like the new girl is going to have one fan-fucking-tastic night, doesn't it, boss?”

“She most _certainly_ fucking is!” Negan leaned over to kiss her, whispering against her lips, “So what'll it be, Gigi?” He knew he was the rightful winner, since she’d chosen to throw the game, but he wanted tonight to be about her. He wanted to hear her every desire and he wanted to be the one to satisfy each and every one of them, one by one.

She quickly moved herself around on the bed so she was on her stomach in the middle of the mattress, propped up on her elbows. “Take off your clothes, Negan. Nice and slow.”

He smirked at her, his tongue sweeping between his teeth, from one side to the other. He toed off his boots, kicking them aside, and bent down to pull off his socks. He removed his belt and weapons, dropping them on the floor. His hands moved to the button on his pants as he started to undo them.

“Oh, no!” Gigi corrected him, “I think you should turn around to do that, boss.”

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Oh come on, Negan. Tell me you wouldn't do the same thing if you were in my position.”

“Fuck! Good point,” he concurred with a frown as he nodded. He turned his back to her, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants.

He started to jerk them down his legs, unceremoniously, when he heard Gigi behind him, “Nuh, uh! Nice and slow for me. Start over.”

He gave her the hairy eyeball over his shoulder as he pulled his pants back up his hips and then slid his thumbs down into the waistband, moving them down over his ass at a snail’s pace, pushing them down to his thighs. He let them drop from there, and lifted one foot to kick the pants off.

“Uh, uh,” she chided. “You need to bend over to take them off and show me those tiny little tight buns of yours, Negan.”

“You know, I'm not sure I fucking appreciate you objectifying me this way, Gigi.” He feigned disgust in his most dramatic voice as he did as she asked.

“Tough titties,” she replied, making them both laugh. Her laugh melded into a hum of satisfaction as he bent fully over, pulling his pants off and dropping them to the floor beside him and then standing back up. “Back up to me, boss man.”

Negan backed himself up two steps as she positioned herself to sitting and pulled him back between her knees at the edge of the bed wrapping her calves around the front of his.

“You know I love you in boxer briefs.” Gigi ran her hands over his ass, kneading it, and then ran her fingernails down the back of his thighs, making him squirm. “Shirt off.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

She didn't complain when he pulled his white tee shirt over his head quickly, and she watched as the lean muscles of his shoulders and arms rippled as they moved. Gigi had never seen anything as sexy as his broad, muscular shoulders, tapering down to his narrow waist. She kissed and licked across the middle of his back, making him hum in response.

With a hand on his lower back she bent him slightly forward, nipping at his muscular cheeks, and running her nose over the fabric of his boxers from the top of his cleft of his ass down to his balls before she nibbled her way back up.

He groaned a “Fuck!” in response, followed by, “I really _like_ taking my fucking clothes off for you, new girl!”

Gigi giggled, hooking her fingers into the waistband of his underwear and pulling them down halfway. She ran her tongue up and down in the exposed crack, pushing deeper with each pass, a small moan escaping him in response.

“Take your underwear off, Negan,” she commanded, keeping her hand on his lower back to keep him slightly bent at the waist once he slid the boxers down and let them drop to the floor.

“Spread those feet apart for me, boss man. Show me what you’ve got,” she ordered, mouthing his glutes, groaning when he did exactly as she asked.

“You're a little naughty, Gigi!” Negan joked, looking over his shoulder at her. “And I fucking love it!”

She laughed as she eased into her work, teasing him and getting him used to her tongue around his rim, loving his moans and cursing.

Fifteen minutes later Negan’s chest was parallel to the floor, feet spread, balls dangling in the breeze, one hand on her nightstand for balance, the other holding his left cheek open to give Gigi better access. “Ahhhh, for fuck’s sake, Gigi! You’re killing me! You and your wicked fucking tongue! God damn it!” He growled, slapping his hand down forcefully on the nightstand when she licked his balls and then sucked them into her mouth, stroking his cock lightly.

“Come, lay down,” she ordered, grabbing him around the thighs when she saw him teeter on wobbly legs as he stood up.

He gave her an exaggerated shiver and wrinkled his nose at her as he moved onto the bed, laying on his back and Gigi straddled his hips, hovering over him as she let him relax for a second, kissing him and nipping at his lips and neck.

“My ass tastes pretty fucking good, doesn’t it?” he asked her when he broke the kiss, holding her head in his hands as he proceeded to lick her lips as if he was trying to get a better taste of himself.

She couldn’t help but chuckle as she moved to mouth along his smooth jawline. “If you do say so yourself,” she teased.

She hummed in satisfaction at the lack of facial hair, rubbing her cheek on his.  She felt his erection brush through her pubic hair as she moved, and she lowered herself slightly, rubbing her folds along his length, getting used to the feel of him.

“You trying to give me a fucking heart attack?” Negan felt her dripping, wet heat sliding along his dick, and he thought he'd died and gone to heaven. He groaned into her mouth when she lowered herself a bit more, and he could feel her nub circling and rubbing on his cock as it lay on his belly. She sat up, and putting her hands on his chest she started to move a little faster, pushing her clit down into him with more pressure as she threw her head back in pleasure. She was a beautiful sight, hair and eyes wild, skin flushed, lips red and swollen from working him with her mouth.

Her room was hot, since she only had a small fan on her dresser, pointed in their direction. They both had a sheen of perspiration on their skin, and Gigi kept pushing her heavy, damp hair back off of her face. Negan reached up to brush it off her shoulders for her, holding it in his fist behind her neck. She smiled down at him, canting her hips, breathing heavily. “Fuck, Negan!” He knew she was getting close when she started to cuss.

“Shit! Gigi, You're going to make me come if you keep it up!” he growled at her. He moved his hands to her hips, helping her to move against him.

Her eyes popped wide open. “Oh, no you don't!” she lifted herself up off of him, hovering over him again.

“Shit!” Negan cursed, gritting his teeth, looking up at her incredulously. “What the shit, Gigi?!”

She leaned down to kiss him. “Poor baby!” she grinned, panting heavily as she took his hand and placed it between her legs, pushing his fingers back and forth between her folds. “Need your help, boss man, please? This'll be the easiest orgasm you ever give a woman.”  She gave him one of her sexy ass winks and started moving against his hand quickly to show him the tempo she needed.

“Your wish is my command, new girl,” he informed her, putting more pressure on her clit, with an expression of utmost concentration, moving his hand in opposition to her motions to help her come, like it was his life's mission. He heard the telltale whimpers and swear words and knowing she was close, he gripped her face, rubbing his thumb across her lip before he pushed it into her mouth. “Show me how I make you feel, Gigi. Show me!” She nodded quickly as she sucked on his thumb, biting at the tip of it with her front teeth when he pulled it out of her mouth and moved it across her lips roughly.

Within seconds she was mewling. He fucking loved it, holding her face in one hand, his eyes on hers as they lost their focus when her climax took her over. So fucking beautiful.

She hovered over him, legs and arms trembling, finally lowering herself to sit on his stomach until she became steady again. She smiled at him, flattening her belly against his as she squirmed downward, until he could feel the head of his cock touching the outside of her folds. She was going to kill him with this fucking close, but yet so far, shit.

She squirmed and wriggled where she sat on him, moving until the head of his cock was  positioned against her opening. “This okay?” she asked him.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He was going to fucking explode from his need to come, but that was beside the point. He was ecstatic his dick and her pussy were still in the same vicinity.

She lowered her mouth to his, kissing him softly, letting his tongue coax hers out to dance. She cradled his head in her hands, as he usually did hers, and moved her lips along his brows and cheekbones, and then across his lips and over his chin. She kissed and lightly nibbled as she moved, but mostly moved her lips lightly over his skin, caressing him with their plump softness and her breath. With each shift of her body, the head of his cock played at her entrance.

The corners of her mouth were turned up, the sincerest devotion in her eyes as she gazed at him. The sensation of her physically loving him was overpowering, and he lay still underneath her, incapacitated. His elbows were on the bed, with his fingers splayed mid air, hovering by her sides, not having made it to their destination. It was one of those times he couldn’t hold her gaze, and he closed his eyes to avoid the intensity of the moment. _Fucking whimp. Man up, pussyboy!_

He felt the head of his cock starting to sink into her and he tensed for a second, his eyes snapping open to look up at her. “Gigi?”

Her hand cupped his face as she looked into his eyes, and he felt her sliding farther down onto him. She stopped, with him buried just a few inches inside of her.

“What are you doing, princess?” he smiled up at her, hoping this was really going to fucking happen. He had never wanted anything more in his whole goddamn, sorry life.

She moved her hips so the head of his cock was just inside of her, and she tilted her hips forward and back, stimulating just the head. “I'm teasing you, Negan. Feeling you. You like it?”

Gigi craved him inside of her, but she needed to keep control. Control of the pace and the depth. As much as she wanted to feel him filling her right now, she needed to work into it. The beautiful thing was she knew he would not begrudge her taking her time, her self absorbed prick.

“Ahhhhhh, fuck. Teasing me? It's more like … mmm … mmm ... killing me.” He decided, his murmured words spurting out in time with her motions. _You’d think I’d never had my fucking dick in a woman before, the way I’m acting._

“Awwww. But it would be a great way to go out, wouldn't it?” His body jerked involuntary, pushing him an inch further into her. “Now, boss man, you're not playing by the rules,” she scolded.

She continued to massage just the head of his cock with her pussy, moving more quickly, then slowly as she reveled in the feeling of him. Negan’s neck craned backwards, his face a mask of bliss. “Ahhhhh, Gigi, you feel amazing! Amazing, but you're killing me with this teasing shit … ahhhh fuck!” he yelled out as she let herself slide down his length another inch, but then retreated back to surround just the head.

Negan groaned as she set a steady pace, for several seconds, and then stopped for several beats, heightening his arousal. Sliding down a few more inches, she teased him, then went back to massaging just the tip. She did this several times, intensifying the frenzy he was in, and when she stopped after a few minutes, his swollen cock pulsed with need. His body twitched as he murmured, “Gigi … Gigi … you can't … I gotta … fuck!” He tried to still her hips, but his hands couldn't grasp them firmly due to the perspiration on her skin. He was dripping with sweat, as was she, her small fan providing little relief for the June heat.

“You gotta what, Negan?” she asked gently, leaning down to kiss him softly as she moved.

“I gotta fuckin’ come, Gigi.” He moved his lips back and forth, and up and down, lightly on hers, taking a moment to savor the taste and feel of her, his girl.

“You need to come, Negan? How do you wanna come, tell me,” she asked genuinely, starting to move slightly, sliding halfway down his cock, and then back up.

“Fucking buried in you, Gigi. I need to feel you, all of you.” He could feel himself trembling in his need for release, she had played him so well, his pistol. He was so far fucking gone, drowning in the sensation of her. _What the hell is wrong with me? I'm a total fucking pussy!_

She rolled them, her thighs gripping his hips to keep him close and he groaned in upset as he slipped out of her.

She raised her head once he was on top of her, kissing him softly before she dropped back to the mattress, looking at him. She ran her index finger over his lips. “Make love to me, Negan,” she whispered, and he could have wept with fucking joy. Well, not really, but he definitely was a big, fat, fucking, pussy whipped, pathetic state of a man over her ass, and it was the best goddamn feeling.

Before he met this woman, he thought he was a strong man, impervious to any weakness, but he knew his spitfire could ask him to follow her through the gates of hell and he would do it gladly. He was ridiculously fucking grateful she was demanding he enter her heaven instead. He gently moved between her thighs, settling himself on top of her, taking a moment to kiss her softly.

Gigi was pulsing from head to toe with need for him, more than ready to let him take control, because she trusted him. With him she knew there would be no pain, and no humiliation, no wanting to die. She knew he would feel nothing but incredible inside her. Negan moved his hips to line himself up with her opening, and she wiggled her body downward, impatient to feel the head of his cock pressing into her again. “Please, Negan? Slide in deep for me.”

“Oh yeah, new girl,” he whispered, against her lips, not wasting one fucking millisecond, sliding into her slow and smooth, as he kissed her. Sliding until he was balls deep, feeling her fantastically wet, hot core surrounding him. He melted down against her as he moved, reaching around her ass to grab it gently, tilting her hips into him as he slowly pushed as far and as deep as he could go, feeling his balls press against the bottom of her ass.  

Pulling back from the kiss, she laughed gleefully, nodding at him, as if she just discovered something wonderful she needed to share with him, her eyes starting to shine with unshed tears. Letting him know she was okay. He couldn’t help but smile with her.

She hummed with contentment as he pulled back, her eyes went wide and she sighed as he pushed back in slowly, her eyes never leaving his as he moved. She moaned against his mouth as he moved back into her, her hands suddenly on his ass, pulling him into her. Her thighs spread, moving up higher on either side of him, falling further open to make room for him for him to press as far as he could go, inside of her. She pulled him deeper, scrambling for purchase with damp fingers, against wet skin, struggling to feel more of him.

“Tell me what you need, bossy,” Negan whispered into her ear, wanting to know exactly how to please her, to be sure it wasn’t too much for her.  Wanting to make her happy.

God damn it, he just wanted to make her happy. _What the fuck? Seriously. What the goddamn fuck? Now I'm finally inside her, I'm chatting about needs instead of pounding her into the mattress?_

“You, Negan. I just need to feel you. Slow and steady.”

She looked up at him then, and for the first time he could put into words exactly what he saw in her expressive eyes; want, adoration, lust, pleasure and desperation. All for him. He could see them in her eyes, and taste them on her lips.  Feel them as her fingertips touched him. Feel it surrounding him as he rested inside her, telling him how she felt about him without a word. He pulled back slowly, and slid back home, trying to do exactly as she asked.

“Come back to me harder next time, boss man.”

“I don’t think _I’m_ the boss right now, new girl.” He kissed her hungrily, and a little fucking breathlessly if he’d admit it to himself, and drew back to look at her as he pulled back, feeling her back arch beneath him. He looked into her eyes as he thrust back in, more forcefully, snapping his hips a bit, watching her gasp, then moan.  

_Making her fucking happy._

“Ahh! Sooo, so good, Negan. Harder?” She mouthed his chin and jawline, licking and biting him here and there.

“Fuck, yes. Whatever you want.” He kept his lips close to her mouth to feel her breath and her silky skin as he pulled back slowly, moving in and out a few times shallowly, before he snapped his hips more forcefully, as she’d asked, listening to her cry out with pleasure.

She looked at him, nodding her head and kissing him, so he tightened his arms around her and started to move as she’d asked, soft on the draw, snapping his hips hard at the end of the push. With each stroke she cried out, fueling his lust, pushing him to please her, because he wanted to hear her cry out again and again.

_Making her fucking happy._

He started to move faster, her hands pulling at him to encourage him, her hips moving up to meet his as he jerked them each time, the intensity building. Perspiration was running down the middle of his back and soaking his hair. Her brow and chest were glistening, under him, the hair around her face curling with the dampness of perspiration.

The taste of the salt of her wet skin as he mouthed her neck, her beautiful eyes looking up at him, the sound of his noisy girl's passionate fucking cry each time he bottomed out inside of her, the feeling of his damp skin sliding on hers, the wet slide of his dick inside of her all came together, pushing him towards the edge.

“Fuck, Gigi!” his movements sped up as he hurtled towards his climax. She suddenly pushed at his shoulder, wanting him to roll onto his back. He didn’t want to break the pace, he was getting so close, but rolled her on top of him, not able to tell her no.

_Making her fucking happy._

His girl immediately planted her knees on either side of his hips, clutched the bed covers on either side of him for leverage and proceeded to keep the pace he had set, barely missing a beat. She began to ride him, learning quickly the feel of pulling almost all the way off him and then sliding hard and fast, down the length of him. Crying out when he topped out inside of her. _Fucking, goddamn, yes!_

Negan thrust up to meet her a handful of times before he couldn’t keep up, losing control, as he watched the muscles in her arms flexing and her breasts bounce as she moved.

Gigi felt his movements start to stutter, and with one final burst of energy she rode him in double time, his eyes fluttering shut as he climaxed, grunting and spewing his favorite obscenities which made her smile. His fingers clutched at her hips, digging into her skin, pushing her down onto him one last time as he raised his hips into her, almost lifting her knees off of her mattress as he tried to go deeper.

They both stilled, Gigi enjoying the sensation of his cock throbbing inside of her, so she contracted her inner muscles several times to caress him back.

“Ahhh, Gigi. Fuck that’s nice.” Negan lay with his eyes closed, his heart pounding, breathing heavily as he tried to push out the words.

“Nice?” she panted, grabbing his jaw and leaning down to nip at his bottom lip and kiss him softly, “Nice is all you have for me?”

Gigi purred as his arms wrapped around her back, and he squished her down into him, trapping her bent arms between them. “You fucking massaging my dick with your pussy right now is nice, Gigi,” he finally opened up his eyes to look at her. “You riding me like there’s no fucking tomorrow? That was a whole other goddamn level of fucking awesome!” He wrapped his fabulously long fingers around the back of her neck and drew her to him for a kiss, the type of kiss that made her want to start all over again.

She grinned, laying her head on his shoulder, while she tried to catch her own breath, not ready to move off of him yet as she thought about how good he felt inside her from start to finish. So good. Nothing but good. And she was thankful.

“We really need to get you a bigger fan!” Negan informed her, reaching up to wipe the sweat from his brow.

________

They had fallen asleep for several hours, and then woken up, wrapped around each other, sticky and sweaty. Negan suggested they move the party to his place, since he had an air conditioner installed in one of the windows in his room, and he also had cheese and wine. It was an offer she couldn’t refuse.

“You know you still owe me a body full of your clean shaven face, Negan.” she reminded him as she dropped the last of her clothes to the floor of his living area. Negan promptly picked her up over his shoulder and carried her into the bathroom, where he refused to put her down while he adjusted the water temperature in the walk in shower. Gigi took advantage of her upside down position and kissed his back, grabbing his butt with her hands.

“Stop that! And I’m not putting my lips on you until I clean your ass up!” He stepped into the walk in shower with her, and she squealed as he stepped under the water with her still on his shoulder.

“Put me down, Negan.”

“I don’t know, Gigi, I think I like this position for you." One hand came up to her ass on his shoulder, kneading one cheek, and then he moved his fingers to her still wet folds, pushing just his fingertips gently in between. “See? Perfect position!” he confirmed as he heard her moan as he found her clit and massaged it gently.

“I think maybe you’re right,” she agreed, squirming at his touch.

He set her down and pulled her to him, turning her by the shoulders to face away from him. She showed no resistance or hesitation at all, which pleased the shit out of him, since it would be normal for her to be self conscious about her back. Grabbing her body wash from the shelf, he poured some in his hand before putting it back in place.

“I think my new best friends need some special attention,” he murmured boldly, running his soapy hands over her breasts, massaging them, and rolling her nipples between his fingers. This was going to be all about her, because he realized while he was supposed to be catering to her whims in her room, it had ended up being a Neganfest, with her rimming him, doing most of the work for her own orgasm, and then she rode him into the sunset to give him an orgasm which had the intensity of a fucking nuclear bomb. It was her turn.

“Mmmm. No wonder they like you so much!” Her head rolled back onto his shoulder as he tugged at her nipples more forcefully.

After applying more soap, Negan moved his hands over her neck and chest and then down to her belly before proceeding to wrap them around her sides, moving to her back, where he moved lightly across the red and pink scar tissue. “Do they hurt at all?” he traced a finger along the path of one of the light pink scars, which didn’t phase her, but when he lightly touched one of the thick, angry red scars, she flinched away from his touch. 

“There’s some nerve pain. Probably in the deeper cuts. There's a little bit of a burning sensation all over, but the deeper ones hurt more. Dr. Carson said it could take several months to a year for the nerves to regenerate. Some of them itch and tingle, which he said happens when the nerves and skin are healing.”

“You should get some pain meds from him, Gigi.” He didn't like the idea she was in pain all the time.

“I have pain medication. I just want to save it for pain that's not manageable. This is manageable.”

“Hmm.” He grabbed her shampoo,  pouring a load on his hands to wash her hair. “You still haven’t looked at it?” He knew the answer, so he wasn’t surprised when she shook her head. He could understand why she didn't want to see her back. If she looked at the image it would solidify, in her mind, the fact she had a permanent reminder of the hell she had lived through. A permanent reminder of her torture, and the sick fuck who put her through it. She had to pretend it didn't exist while she tried to get over what had happened to her.

He finished lathering up her hair and then turned her to face him, walking with her further into the spray of the water so she could rinse. She started to raise her arms to help the process, but he stopped her. “I’ve got it.” he really wanted to take care of her right now. He ran his hands along her scalp, pushing the soap off the back so it didn’t get in her eyes.

Soaping up his hands, he bent down to run them down her legs, lifting each foot, with her help, to clean those as well. “Does one of these fifteen bottles contain something to wash your face?” he asked as he stood back up, pointing at her different washes.

“Fifteen? It’s four, Negan. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash and face wash. I think you’re exaggerating just a smidge.”

“I just don’t understand why my shower suddenly looks like the fucking toiletries aisle at the drugstore.” He put on his dramatic tone of voice for her. “I had _one_ bottle in here before you came along. It did _everything_ I needed it to do. Now my bottle is shoved to the back to make room for your myriad of beauty products!” He gestured grandly at her washes as he reached for the smallest bottle, putting the liquid on his fingertips to run over her face and closed eyes.

“Well, that won’t be a problem when I officially move into my room, now will it?” she threw back at him smugly. “You and your one lonely bottle will be able to take a very spacious shower together because me and all my clutter will be gone.”

“So you've picked an official moving day?” he asked, suddenly subdued, not happy about the prospect of her moving out of his space, but he wasn't quite ready to give up his three back ups. He didn't know why. _Maybe because I’m an asshole._

“None of your beeswax.“ Gigi kept delaying the move into her own room, not quite ready to leave him.

He kissed her softly in response, telling her, “You know I don't really give a fuck about your plethora of bottles, right? I want you fucking here with me.” She smiled up at him, planting a soapy kiss on his chin, without responding. She didn’t want a serious discussion to ruin their good moods.

He tilted her head back under the water, to rinse off her face, and then turned her again to face away from him. One more dollop of soap, and he began to run the fingers  of one soap-slicked hand through the hair at the juncture of her thighs, while his other slippery hand snuck its way between her ass cheeks and started to lightly massage up and down inside the cleft.

Gigi moaned as the fingers in the front moved between her lips, running a finger up and down either side of her clit, teasing her. Negan hummed in approval as she spread her feet further apart to make it easier for him. “Good girl.”

He started moving his fingers over her clit in the way she liked, as he put a tiny bit of pressure on the puckered opening behind her. Her hand came up around the back of his neck to cling to him as she was overwhelmed by the combination of sensations. “Ohhhhh, so nice,” she moaned at him.

“Yes, it is. Your turn to bend over, new girl. My tongue wants some of this.” He patted her mons as he used his hands to move water over her to rinse her off front and back.

Stepping out of the spray of water to the far end of shower, Gigi turned to the wall, planting her hands on either side of her on the tile remaining almost upright, but pushing her ass out for him. “Can we start like this?”

He lowered himself to his knees, the shower spray running down his back, and ran his tongue from the top of of the crack of her ass, down to her clit and back up, making his girl’s breath hitch. “Oh, I think this’ll work just fine.” He assured her, moving his tongue around her nub to start. He used all of his best moves on her and he felt her pushing herself back into him, seeking out more. Her hand was clasping his where it gripped the front of her thigh, her breathing heavy.

“Can you move closer? Need to feel more of you. Please?” She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes anxious.

Negan moved himself forward, until his shoulders were touching the back of her thighs, spreading his knees until they touched the inside of her ankles. He reached up, splaying his fingers on her hips, thumbs on her belly, rubbing them back and forth soothingly. “How’s this?”

“Amazing,” she whispered, smiling down at him gratefully. He heard her breath of relief, but could read distress in her eyes.

“Should we stop, Gigi? We can go lay down.”

“No. I need to be here, just like this. With you. Is that okay?” There was no hesitation in her voice. It was clear she wanted this, or needed it. He was sure she was trying to settle something, and he was going to fucking help her.

“Are you kidding me? Is it okay for me to sit here with my face fucking buried in you? I think we both know the answer to that question.” He kept his tone light, and she smiled down at him, giggling as she ran the fingers of one hand through his hair. He didn’t want to think about why her current position caused her stress. He just wanted to make it all better. He kissed the back of her thighs, and nibbled at her cheeks, running his nose along her wet skin.

She continued to look down at him, and he watched as she moved from her hands to her elbows on the wall, so she had room to bend further forward, his brave girl.  

Gigi was fighting to push away the bad feelings which tried to surface as she bent further over, fighting them for control. She was shaking a little bit, and took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly and quietly, trying not to shake her head as she usually did, trying to downplay the level of her anxiety.

She was going to try this again, determined not to give up, determined to win. “Eat me, Negan,” she murmured, humming with pleasure as his tongue started moving between her folds. She looked down her chest at him, loving the way he had made every possible connection with their bodies, trying to make her more comfortable. His trim, muscular body was a sight to behold, and she admired it as she concentrated on the sensations he was giving her.

She felt her body relax bit by bit, and her trembling abated as she reminded herself she was safe, in this position, with him. And since she knew in her heart it was true, she let it go. She gave in to her pleasure, switching to watching him over her shoulder. He was putting everything into his work, his eyes closed as he lapped at her, using all of the moves he knew she loved.

He backed up for several seconds, opening his eyes and taking her in as he reached up to toy with her nipples, rolling them firmly between two fingers and then doing it again when she keened in response.

She couldn't help but push back into his face, wanting him to stimulate her clit again. He took the hint and she cried out as he started to suck on it, pulling down on it as he sucked more forcefully then let it go, then repeated the sequence quickly several times. “Fuck!”

Negan knew she was back in high gear, focusing on her pleasure, because she used his favorite fucking word.

“That’s my girl!”

“More!”

“Always, Gigi.” Negan sucked in her clit while one hand fondled Louise’s rosy peak. Turning his head to the side while he sucked at her, he made room to push the tip of one finger inside her pussy rubbing her front wall, trying to stimulate her g spot. Her whimpers and cries escalated suddenly, letting him know he'd found it.

He smiled as he worked, totally enamored of the sounds she was making. Maybe her barrage of unending whimpers and cries were a result of his earth shattering sexual prowess and she couldn't stop them if she tried. Maybe he was _that_ fucking good.

It made him feel like the guy who loved her _was_ worthy of her affection, because he could make her lose her mind and rock her goddamn world. He rubbed her g spot more quickly and smushed his face into her, pushing his tongue flat over his bottom lip and onto his chin and pushing it firmly, back and forth across her clit, her whimpers escalating.

“Ahhh! Fuck! Negan! Fuck!” Gigi let go, and her body suddenly jerked and trembled, and he continued to lap at her through her climax, until she reached back and pushed at his forehead to signal she felt too sensitive.

Realizing her legs were shaking, he wrapped his arms around them, keeping her, he was sure, from falling. She pushed herself upright, as she wrapped the fingers of one hand under his armpit, patting and pulling to signal him to stand. “Need you now, inside me,” she panted.

He stood up and pressed himself to her back as he ran his lips across her shoulder. She surprised him when she wasted no time in getting what she wanted. Leaning forward, she put her hand back between her legs, searching for his cock. She laid her cheek against the tile in front of her, looking at him over her shoulder as she lined him up with her wet core and pushed herself back to slide him inside her, groaning as she did it.

She brought both hands back to the wall to brace herself. “Nice and slow, boss man?” she pleaded in a husky voice.

It was an order and a request, he knew, and he was too fucking happy to comply. “Sure thing, new girl.” It wasn’t the best position for him, with her almost upright in front of him, because he wouldn’t be able to push in deep, but he didn’t give a shit. He wanted to give her what she needed. Always. Anything. _What the fuck is wrong with me? What in the fucking hell has this woman done to me?_

He ran his hand from her belly, up to her neck, and with one hand pushing on her pelvic bone to angle her slit back to him, and the other turning her head to him, he leaned over her shoulder to kiss her. Her back arched so she could more easily reach his mouth, and he spread his fingers across the top of her ribcage to help steady her as he started to move slowly inside of her. He drew almost all of the way out of her, and then slowly slid back in, enjoying the sensations of the slippery push and pull on his cock.

Breaking the kiss, he continued to hold her in her arched position, and rested his forehead on the back of her head. His eyes drifted down the curve of her mottled back, to watch himself slide in and out of her, enjoying the jiggle of her ass as he moved against it. _Fuuuck, that’s nice._

Gigi started to moan with each thrust forward, and he kept his gentle pace, rotating his hips as he pulled out of her, and snapping them on the push in a more subdued version of what she had asked for earlier. She rewarded him with a solid whimper as she pushed her ass towards him, bending forward just a little bit more.

He reached around her and slid his fingers between her folds, moving his fingers on her clit to match his pace. “Negan! That’s … oh, my god … so good!” she wailed, her words inflaming the intensity of every sensation, and emotion inside of him. “You can go faster if you want,” she moaned in her bossy way, giving him permission, and he increased the pace of his fingers and his hips as she spread her legs further apart, using her hands on the wall for leverage to push back to meet his thrusts.

Gyrate, snap, gyrate, snap, as his fingers moved back and forth on her clit, increasing their speed and pressure. He could feel his balls grinding into her folds, hitting his own fingertips, and the wet heat and the pace and her moans, and fucking awesomeness of being inside her.

“Fuck, Fuck!” he grunted as he tried desperately not to pound into her, keeping his pace smooth, gentle and quick. _God damn I'm good!_

Gigi could feel the telltale signs of his oncoming orgasm, and she slowly pushed back on him, forcing him to take a step back as she straightened her arms on the wall and then bent further over, pushing her ass up, and arching her back to open herself up to him. She wanted him to feel every inch of her, inside and out.

 _Fuck! Goddamn beautiful, fucking, fuck!_ “Come on, Gigi, come for me. Can you come for me again?”

She nodded her head, whimpering as the pace on her clit became crazed, the pressure like nothing she had ever felt before. She could hear the sound of her own voice, moaning and crying out in her pleasure, and it felt like she couldn’t control it, he had her in such a frenzy.

“Gonna make you come for me!” he growled, feeling her pelvis jerk with each stroke of his fingers, her whimpers and moans, and expletives let him know she was enjoying it. “Tell me who’s making you feel good, Gigi!”

“You, Negan! So fucking good!”

“Ahh, fuck, Gigi, you gotta come, baby! Come for me!”

Her body was ready to respond to his command, and she clawed her fingers into the wall, pushing back into him as she came, grinding against his hips and down on his dick, driving him in deep as he thrust to meet her. Her heart burst when she heard him whimper as his own orgasm took him over.

Negan wrapped his forearm around the top of her thighs, pulling her into him as he pulsed inside of her, bracing one hand on the wall out of fear they would both lose their balance and fall into it. “Fucking, goddamn, son of a bitch!”

He used an arm around her ribcage to straighten her up, and he proceeded to run his clean shaven face up and down her neck and across her shoulders. He was still breathing heavily as he pulled out of her and turned her to face him, pressing himself against her on the wall, so he could feel the softness of her as he waited for his body to calm.

Moving his hand between her legs, he rested his index and middle fingers between her folds, at her opening, careful to avoid her overstimulated clit. “Give it back, Gigi. Let me feel it,” he murmured in her ear. He felt her abdomen tense, and then a gush of his own cum coated his fingertips. He growled low and long as he pushed his dripping fingers gently back up inside her, painting her inner walls, feeling her orgasm still contracting her muscles sporadically. She groaned and panted lazily against his lips as he stroked her g spot for a minute before gently pulling his fingers out.

They rested on each other for several minutes, enjoying the moment, before she finally looked at him with a cocky grin as she nibbled softly at his chin.

“I did _not_ fucking whimper!” he informed her dramatically, out of the blue. “End of story!” He swatted her ass with a firm hand when she laughed in response.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me one thing you liked about the chapter? Just one? I'd love to hear from you! :)
> 
> Chapter Playlist:  
> Bound To You-Christina Aguilera, from the Burlesque soundtrack


	10. When I’m Down and Feeling Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was the big fucking deal? They didn’t need to be attached at the hip twenty four, seven. She could do whatever the hell she wanted, whenever she wanted. If she wanted space, he would give her fucking space. A lot of fucking space.

He didn’t like she might be out overnight looking for her children, and he told her so several times, whether she wanted to hear it or not. It didn’t make a difference. He huffed, and he got mad, and he gave her his most dramatic aggravated face, but it did no good. He knew it wouldn’t.

“I can’t promise you I’ll be back by dark, Negan,” Gigi explained to him,  “If they finally came back to the meeting spot, and found my note, and they show up tomorrow, I have to be there no matter what time it is. If I leave early, to make sure I’m back here before dark, and they show up after I leave … I just can’t take the chance I’ll miss them by an hour, just to get back here because you’ll worry.”

She was reaching, he knew, thinking her kids would be there tomorrow. She had been back to the tree at the side of Route sixty six two weeks ago, and there was no sign her children had been there. There were no new carvings or changes to the yarn, and the box of food was just as it had been left. She had tried to put on a brave face about it, but he knew it was killing her. He also knew she had to stay, if there was any indication they would be back, but he didn’t have to like it, and he definitely felt a little better fighting with her about it.

“Well, if you insist on putting your safety at risk, then you’re going to take Laura, and Liz with you. And Slug … _and_ Tay! ... _and_ Regina!” he added.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.” Gigi crossed her arms in front of her, raising her eyebrows at him. “Liz and Laura can go with me, just like they did last time. And we’ll be okay, just like last time.”

“Fine.” he acquiesced, but he made sure to let her know, for the rest of the day, he wasn’t happy about her decision.

________

She could see before she got within twenty feet of the tree Stevie and Elena had been there. Laura and Liz watched her take off, as she laughed, and they picked up their pace as they followed her to the tree. Gigi did a little dance when she saw the food box was empty. She scrambled up the trunk of the tree, making her way onto the branch where she had tied the baggie to the limb with red yarn. It was now held in place with yellow and orange yarn, which made her smile, and she let out a little cry of happiness as she started counting the carved marks on the branch.

“They were here on the eighteenth!” she announced to Liz and Laura excitedly, as tears started welling over in her eyes. “Just two days after I was here!”

“That’s awesome, Gigi!” Liz smiled up at her, reaching up to squeeze her foot. Gigi knew Liz could feel her joy and her pain over her lost children. The woman had two little ones before the turn, and she’d lost them both to the flu like illness which had started it all. Gigi ran her hand over some strands of yarn which were wrapped around the baggie on the branch.

Her baby girl had left her a braided message, and she laughed as she pulled out her knife and carefully cut the piece of braided yarn off of the tree to take with her. She and the kids had joked, with Elena’s artistic talent, she’d never be able to leave a plain piece of yarn hanging on a tree branch, and in the middle of the apocalypse, surrounded by walking corpses, she’d be sure to leave behind something pretty for them to find if she got separated from them. Gigi held the yarn up, chuckling at the lovely braid her daughter had created, by weaving several strands of her yellow and Stevie’s orange yarn. She knotted the cut end and then wrapped it around her wrist. It was long enough to go around twice with extra for tying, and she tucked the ends under the wrap, intending to have one of the girls tie it for her when she got down.

It was ten o’clock in the morning, and they had until sundown to wait for the children to return, so Gigi took the time to read their note, crying over it, kissing it, caressing it with her fingertips, holding it to her face, and then tucking it in her bag because she wouldn’t need to leave a note for them since they were going to be there soon. She had written them another note, which was in her bag, in a fresh zip bag, but she would carry it back to the factory with her when she took her children back with her. Because they were coming soon.

___________

“He what?” Gigi sat horrified, listening to Laura talk about Sherry’s husband Dwight. It was three o’clock, and they were sitting in the shade of the tree, trying to stay out of the summer heat, not that the shade helped much. It was hot and humid, the air like soup as they chatted and ate some of the sandwiches they’d brought along.

Laura looked at Gigi for a moment, not understanding why her friend was clueless about Dwight’s punishment. “You were in the cell when it happened.” Liz realized, her voice trailing off as she tried to figure out the timing of the events. “And he’s been in the infirmary for weeks due to a serious infection. He just got out yesterday. I can’t believe you hadn’t heard about it!”

“You are telling me Negan burned the side of Dwight’s face with a hot iron?” Gigi’s stomach heaved at the prospect. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Liz wouldn’t meet her eyes, or answer her question. She knew Negan cared for Gigi, by the way he looked out for her, and the respect he showed her, and she had wondered if her friend returned his affection. One look at Laura and she knew the answer. Laura couldn’t look at Gigi either. Just like Liz, Laura didn’t want to be the one to tell her friend Negan had a sadistic streak. Laura wouldn’t be worried about Gigi’s response, if she thought Gigi was indifferent towards him.  The women were quiet as Gigi tried to process what she’d heard, both silently searching for the right thing to say.

“He deserved it Gigi,” Laura finally offered, trying to justify the heinous act. “The three of them stole a load of insulin. They took almost all of it, even though Amber’s mom uses it, too. They could have killed her if she ran out. They stole a fuel truck, from one of Negan’s properties, and Tina ended up dying while they were on the lamb.”

“That doesn’t justify torture, Laura,” Gigi countered softly. “My God. It must have been excruciating.” She was very sympathetic to Dwight’s pain, and what the experience must have been like for him since she knew what it felt like to have someone brutally inflict pain upon her.

Laura shook her head as she worked out her reply. “What could Negan do, Gigi? Put  them in a cell for months, wasting resources while they weren’t contributing? Negan needed people to know if they screw him over, and screw his people over, there would be an ugly price to pay. There has to be some fear, Gigi. It’s the only way he can keep order. It’s the _best_ way to keep order.”

“I don’t know if I agree with that, Laura. He burned Dwight’s face, causing him horrific pain and a subsequent infection, and then accepted Sherry’s offer to be his wife, knowing she was married to Dwight? An offer she only made because Negan would have killed him otherwise.”

“Exactly! He would have killed Dwight. Just like Jim was killed because he lead the attack against you, he was constantly picking fights with people, and because he was using the goods Buck was stealing from everyone. Certain crimes can’t be tolerated, Gigi. Jail time and rehabilitation don’t happen in the apocalypse. Negan needed to make an example of those men, and Buck, too. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Gigi looked to Liz, who simply shook her head. “I do feel like Buck deserved what he got. But it’s not so black and white I would say everyone who steals should lose a limb, or be burned.”

“I hear what you’re saying, Laura. But I don’t know if I can wrap my brain around agreeing with you.” The woman was sitting close enough that Gigi reached out with a smile, to squeeze her leg affectionately. She didn’t want any hard feelings over their opposing views. When Laura nodded back at her she knew they would be fine.

__________

Negan was standing by the gate with Tayvon when the SUV drove back into the compound the next afternoon. He hadn’t slept the night before worrying about Gigi, worrying about her safety, and about what she would find. Her hopes were so high when she left, and he knew she would be crushed if she returned without them.  He approached the vehicle immediately and noticed there were only three people in the SUV, his three people. He was thankful the three women looked okay, but his heart sunk for his spitfire. He could only hope there was some sort of good news.

He was surprised when she got out of the car, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and made a beeline for the doors to the building. He looked at Liz and Laura. “How bad was it?”

“She’s devastated,” Liz answered, sharing her friend’s upset. “The kids were there right after her last visit, and their note said they’d be back yesterday to meet her. They never showed.” Liz wasn’t about to tell him she might be upset with him over Dwight, as well.

“Thanks, guys. I appreciate you going with her.” Negan patted Laura on the shoulder and turned to follow Gigi’s path into the building.

He looked around the factory floor to see if she’d stopped to talk to anyone, and when he didn’t see her, he went to his apartment. Not finding her there, he made his way to her room, which was also empty. He walked through every accessible hallway in the factory, and up every flight of stairs, telling Simon to radio him if he saw Gigi, when he passed him near the kitchen. He even walked by the women’s bathroom, listening for the sounds of a shower running inside.

After searching for an hour, Negan finally resigned himself to waiting for her to come to him. He picked up his dinner in the kitchen, and popped his head into the cafeteria, hoping she had stopped in to get a bite to eat. Her team was sitting at a table eating together, but Gigi was not with them. He passed the Joeys in the hall on his way to his room. He mentioned to them he was looking for Gigi, and told them to let him know if they saw her.

He assumed she would show up at bedtime, since they had not slept apart since her first night sleeping in his apartment, but at midnight he was still sitting alone. At one in the morning, he finally went to bed. Despite his fatigue, he tossed and turned. The longer he did, the more agitated he became.

___________

Gigi took one look at Negan, standing inside of the gate with Tayvon, and knew she needed to sort some things out, and she needed some time and space to do it. Her heart was literally aching because her children hadn’t shown up yesterday, and of course she was half sick with worry, wondering what had kept them from her. Her first instinct told her to run to Negan, for his comforting presence, but after finding out what he had done to Dwight, she felt she needed to step back and reevaluate what she thought she knew about him.

She couldn’t look at him as she got out of the SUV. She couldn’t pretend everything was okay, and she definitely wasn’t ready to talk. She simply grabbed her bag and headed into the building. She headed straight to her room, to grab some clean clothes, and made her way to the women’s bathroom to take a shower. She was in and out in less than ten minutes, and then tried to figure out where she could go to truly be alone. Someplace quiet where she wouldn’t be disturbed.

At six in the evening Gigi sat in the familiar space of the dark closet on the second floor, door closed but unlocked this time, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich she had in her backpack and washing it down with some bottled water. Since she wasn’t being kept prisoner, the dark and quiet of the room were quite inviting, and it was a place no one would think to look for her. It was hot, but since the room was in the interior of the building it wasn’t as hot as it had been under the shade of the tree at the side of Route sixty six, so she could live with it.

She knew she was being a wimp, hiding from Negan. If she went to either of their rooms, there would be no avoiding him. He wasn’t the type of person who would take the hint when she walked away from him without looking at him. There was no doubt he’d spent time searching for her, and if he found her, he would barge into her personal space, putting himself square in the middle of it, and demand her attention. She wasn’t ready to deal with him.

She needed to think things through first, without having her heart strings tugged by his attention and affection. Her world had been wrapped around him since the minute she arrived at the Sanctuary. He was her lover, her knight in shining armor, her sex therapist, her friend, her boss, her biggest fan, and her confidant. She was so wrapped up in him she knew she couldn’t think clearly about his actions. Under normal circumstances, it would be hard to sort out how she felt about his method of punishment for Dwight, but hers were not normal circumstances. She had a humongous load of angst due to her abuse and her missing children, and Negan had held her head above water when it had felt like she was drowning.

He seemed to love saving her from herself. It was something she adored about him. He liked to play the big bad boss of the world, and his people would never know differently, but he could be a big pussy cat, when it came to her. He so clearly wanted to take care of her and protect her, making sure she remembered to eat regularly and making sure she had enough rest. All of this was in juxtaposition of his view; she was strong, and capable and smart which he reinforced regularly with his words and his actions.

The other reason she couldn’t think clearly about his punishment of Dwight, was because it hit too close to home for her. Maybe she was overreacting to Negan burning the man’s face because it reminded her of her own torture. The apple of her eye had deliberately burned a man with an iron. It was unfathomable to her, how he could hold the iron in his hand and press it to the man’s face, like it was unimaginable to her how Bobby could cut into her skin over and over and not be sickened. Dwight must have screamed in pain. Did it bother Negan to hear it? Did it make him sick when he burned the man’s flesh?

At first glance he seemed to have a sadistic streak, but had her assessment been accurate? He’d pulverized Buck’s hand, and he’d burned Dwight’s flesh. Both men were left disfigured by his actions. He had beat a man to death with Lucille because the man wouldn’t kneel for him. What Gigi needed to decide, was whether she agreed the severity of his punishments fit the crimes committed, or whether she could live with his actions if she felt the punishment was too harsh.

Civilization as they knew it before was gone. Leaders like Negan had to create a system to keep people safe. Laura was right it was impractical to keep someone in jail long term to pay their penance. She also had made a good point that if criminals were banished from the community, they may then cause trouble in another community, or come back to seek revenge, putting people in danger.

In her mind, the question was whether the punishments inflicted had the desired consequences. The dead man obviously wouldn’t defy Negan in front of his people again. Jim wouldn’t be able continue his streak of violent behavior. Whether Buck or Dwight would walk the straight and narrow at the Sanctuary remained to be seen, and whether the two mens’ punishments would deter others from committing crimes was also in question.

It struck her, in the middle of her analysis, she was not so different from Negan. She hadn’t just killed Len and Avery because it was the only way she could get away from them. She had thought about it one hundred different ways while she was out on the road, and she would not have gotten away if she hadn’t killed them. But if she was being honest with herself, even if she could have gotten out of the cabin another way, she wanted them dead for what they had done to her and so they wouldn’t get the chance to hurt anyone else. There was no doubt, if they were alive, they would find another victim who may not live through the ordeal. Maybe more than one. She had absolutely no regret for what she had done, and she wished she would have had the chance to kill Bobby as well. She wasn’t happy she’d killed them, but she didn’t regret it one bit, because she felt it had been the right thing to do. Someone else may not agree with her reasoning.

Gigi lay on the closet floor, her head on her backpack pondering it all until she eventually fell asleep.

__________

At 2:25 in the morning, Negan got out of bed, tired of tossing and turning. He poured himself a bourbon on the rocks, and made his way to the couch to drink it, hoping it would help him fall asleep. He was aggravated he had spent entirely too much time thinking about why Gigi was hiding from him. _What was the big fucking deal?_  They didn’t need to be attached at the hip twenty four, seven. She could do whatever the hell she wanted, whenever she wanted. If she wanted space, he would give her fucking space. A _lot_ of fucking space.

Why should he give a shit she hadn’t talked to him when she’d arrived, and she couldn’t be bothered to tell him what had happened when she’d looked for her children.

He shouldn’t give a flying fuck, but he did. He couldn’t understand why Gigi hadn’t come to him when she’d gotten back. She’d had a major let down, thinking her children would be there to meet her yesterday. Her heart must be broken they’d never showed up.

He heard her key in the lock a half hour later, as he was finishing his bourbon. He got up from the couch as she opened the door, not looking at her as he passed her to go to the bathroom to brush the bourbon off his teeth before going back to bed.

“You’re upset with me.” Gigi leaned on the bathroom door frame, trying to make eye contact with him in the mirror in front of him. He continued to brush his teeth, avoiding her gaze. He didn’t know why he was pissed at her, but he was. Which was all that fucking mattered, even if it didn’t make any sense.

He rinsed his toothbrush off, dropping it back in the cup on the sink, and then made a show of wiping his mouth and hands on a towel before he turned to head into the bedroom. She was still standing in the doorway, but she retreated into the living area so he could get through the door. He continued to ignore her, getting into bed and pulling the covers over him as he turned his back to her.

“Do you want to talk to me, or do you want me to go?” her quiet voice came from the middle of the room.

When Negan didn’t answer her, Gigi left his apartment, heading back to her own room to sleep. She was sorry she’d given him an ultimatum instead of crawling into bed and cuddling up to him, which is what she’d really wanted to do.

She was tired, and her body was sore from dozing on the tile floor of the closet. She was training with her team in the morning and she needed some sleep.

She tried to figure out why Negan was mad at her. Yes, she’d avoided him all day, but she would have thought he’d be happy not to have to deal with another day of her drama. She had sorted out her thoughts in the closet, and went to his apartment feeling lighter, her mind clear of questions and upset. She was doing him a favor, wasn’t she?

It was 3:30 when she finally got settled for the night. She groaned, knowing she only had two and a half hours before training started.

______

First thing in the morning, Gigi decided her team needed to run the perimeter of the compound, because she needed to wake herself up. She was dragging in a big way from her lack of sleep. They jogged for thirty minutes, with her bringing up the rear, yelling at Regina for lagging behind. “Come on, Reg! Get your ass in gear! Pick up the pace!” The woman broke into a sprint to catch up to Gigi and move ahead of her in the pack, leaving her commander at the back of the group.

Gigi’s group passed Negan as he talked with Simon, Keno and the crazy eight. When the big boss looked over Simon’s shoulder at her as her team approached, Gigi reached up and gave Thelma a little pat as she smirked at him. When she saw him chuckle, she knew he was warming back up to her. She would probably need to kiss a little bit of ass later, but she was okay with that.

He continued to talk with his men as she studied him. He was tall and handsome, with his air of authority which made her shiver. She grinned and shook her head as she thought about how she originally hated he was so full of himself and his power. He had sucked her in with his charm, and now it made her panties a little wet when she saw him in leadership mode. He was definitely bossy, and full of himself, but he was also intelligent, shrewd, and quick. His mind always pulling together all possibilities in any situation, to come to the right decision on how to proceed.

_________

 _Why does she have to wear those tiny little fucking spandex shorts to work out?_ He could see the definition in her glutes as she ran, along with her quads … and calves, and he couldn’t make himself look away until the team finally ran around the side of the building and out of sight. When he looked back at his men to pick back up on their conversation, their eyes had followed his to the group jogging by.

“Bonita ass, Mami!” One of Keno’s guys, Pedro, admired as he watched Gigi run. Two of the other men nodded in agreement.

“Yes, it is, Pedro, but keep your fucking eyes to yourself.” Negan glared at him as Simon smirked.

______

Gigi was running her team through weapons training, fine tuning their skills with their knives, when Negan popped into her room to watch the group’s progress. They were lined up in a row, three on one side of their commander and two on the other, as she started a demonstration.

She and the Joeys had put together two targets with outlines of human forms, so her team could practice knife throwing. There was one chubby form and one skinny form which were recognizable to all. “It’s not a skill you will use often, but it’s fun when you learn some tricks, and it may just be the thing that will help you take down an assailant when you are not close enough to stab, or when you can’t use a gun,” she told them, showing them two knives, a four inch hunting knife in the right, and her ten inch bowie knife in her left.

Negan watched from the landing as she backed up fifteen feet from her target, swung her arm downward from above her shoulder, releasing the hunting knife at shoulder height, and they all watched as it hit the target in the gut. She wasn’t finished though, and as the first knife hit the target, she transferred the bowie knife from her left hand to her right. Her arm whipped up from next to her thigh and she threw underhand to hit it in the ribcage. _Hot as fuck!_

“There are many ways to throw,” she told her team as she removed the knives from the target and backed up again, “but you should find two or three which are comfortable for you.” She held the bowie by the handle, blade vertical, and released it from her grip at the right time during the swing of her arm to make the knife spin vertically, three hundred and sixty five degrees, before it embedded in the shoulder of the target.

“Don’t fuck with Gigi, I’m telling you!” Tay advised as he watched her. “I’ve seen her in action. She will take you _down_!”

The team laughed, as did Negan. His girl happened to turn in his direction then, eyeing him as she started to speak. “I threatened a man once I could kill him with a toss of my tri blade and he would bleed out quickly if I put the right spin on it. Let me show you what I was talking about.”

Negan leaned on the railing with his forearms, watching as Gigi unsheathed her dagger in the flash of an eye. She whipped her arm down and forward from the side with a twist and released the dagger, her fingers staying extended, palm up, after the release. Both steps were lightening fast, combined into one fluid motion. The dagger hit the target in the stomach.

“Holy hell!” Regina called out as she twisted the dagger out of the target, noting how the hole left behind was larger, like a drill hole due to the rotation of the blades. “Did you kill him?”

“No.” Gigi responded, turning in Negan’s direction to wink at him discreetly. “I slept with him.”

Her team cracked up laughing, Tayvon calling out he didn’t know if he’d sleep with a woman who was more dangerous than he was, as Negan chuckled above.

_______

Gigi made her way to the cafeteria from the shower after she let her people go for the day. She was starving since she’d only eaten two bites of one of the peanut butter sandwiches she’d stored in her mini fridge, before her team showed up that morning.

As she walked by the rec room, she heard Mikey’s distinguished voice, “I did it!”

“Yes you did, Mikey. Excellent work! You’ll be beating me in no time at the tournament!” It was Negan’s voice which responded enthusiastically, and she peeked her head in the door, watching as Mikey leaned over the table to line up a shot Negan had placed for him. She watched the leader walk to Mikey, moving the man’s arm and repositioning his hand to help the shot. Mikey was awkward physically, and it was clear he wasn’t going to make the shot, even with Negan’s realignment.

It was obvious to Negan as well, and Gigi watched as he walked up to Mikey, pressing his chest into the man’s side, resting his arm on Mikey’s as he lay his hand on top of the bigger man’s to help him aim his cue. It didn’t seem to phase Mikey in the least the leader was physically invading his space, and he watched in wonder as Negan drew back his arm, and Mikey’s along with it, and followed through. The ball missed the pocket, despite the help. They tried one more shot, missing the pocket again.

“I totally screwed up that shot, didn’t I?” Negan groaned dramatically, stomping his foot. Gigi smiled, marveling at his patience, and kindness. All of the pompous attitude he usually put on with his people, was nowhere to be seen as he talked with Mikey.

“It’s okay, Negan! We can try again!” Mikey patted the leader on the arm and moved around the table to get the balls out of the pocket. He saw Gigi in the doorway, and called out a boisterous, “Hi Gigi! Hi!” as he waved at her.

“Hey, buddy, can we stop for today? I have to talk to Gigi for a minute. Why don’t you go find Liz and get some lunch?”

“Okay, Negan! Will you come, too?”

“Not right now, Mikey.” When Mikey looked disappointed at his response, he added, “I have to get some work done today so I’ll have time to shoot marbles with you tomorrow, like I promised.”

“Okay, Negan!” Mikey’s excitement was renewed, “When the big hand is on the twelve and the little hand is on the four?” Negan nodded, smiling, and watched as Mikey left the room.

Gigi moved towards the boss man, as he hung up their cues, talking to her as he moved. “He has a leather bag of marbles he’s been carrying around since the world ended, because his brother gave them to him. He originally played with his brother and dad, and then once his dad died at the beginning of the turn he and Matt played until Matt was killed.” Negan shook his head, smiling a sad smile. He was talking to her, which was a good sign, but he was keeping his distance.

“That explains why his back pocket always looks lumpy,” she smiled, deliberately moving within arm’s reach. “You know how to play marbles?”

“Not at all. Mikey’s teaching me. He may suck at pool, but he can fucking _rock_ a game of marbles.” Negan sounded like a proud dad, which made Gigi’s heart flutter.

She stared openly at him for a moment, smiling gently at him as he took her in. She moved closer, stopping a foot away from him. Her heart had been full of this man for weeks, but watching him interact with Mikey reminded her how strong her feelings really were for him.

“I love you, you know.” Gigi reached out and wrapped her index finger around his thumb as his hand hung at his side. She could see the shock in his eyes as her words registered. “No expectations. Really. I just want you to know. I don’t want to regret a lost moment.”

Knowing she just dropped a bomb on him, while he was miffed at her no less, she decided to give him some space. She turned to go, looking back at him when she reached the doorway. “Since I'm feeling a little tired, I'll probably head back to my room for the rest of the day by the time the big hand is on the twelve and the little hand is on the two.”  

____________

Negan finished working on redirect locations and strategies with Fat Joseph at three thirty, and decided to call it a day. He made his way to the back of the factory grounds. He surprised Keno, who was guarding that part of the perimeter, by heading into the field outside of the fence to get something he had noticed as he walked the area with Simon earlier in the day. Then he headed to the kitchen to order a special dinner to be delivered at precisely five o’clock.

He stopped at Slug’s new room next. Gigi's teammate had taken over a room on the lieutenants floor, when Bubba had transferred to Outpost three to live the week before, leaving it empty. Negan asked Slug for help putting something together for Gigi, since the young man had an eye for design.

“I _knew_ you two had a thing for each other!” Slug informed him excitedly, pulling him into his room by the hand, much to Negan’s surprise. “You know you are not very good at hiding when you are leering at her ass, boss, but then neither is she. I have the perfect thing for this! Ooh, and I can make a bow.”

He pulled a pair of scissors out of a drawer, and some scraps of fabric. His hands started flying, reminiscent of Edward Scissorhands as he talked a mile a minute about how great it was there was still the chance of finding love after the world ended. Less than five minutes later, Slug handed Negan his finished creation.

Negan admired Slug's handiwork as he left the man's room, headed for his final stop as the big hand was on the three and the little hand was on the four. Letting himself in with his key, he made his way to Gigi’s living space. She was asleep, on top of her bed covers, on her back, arms and legs flung to the sides as if she was making snow angels, which made him smile. She was dressed only in his tank top and boxers, which still gave him a thrill every time he saw her in them. One of the industrial size fans he had the Joes hang above her space was going full speed, and her hair was moving gently in its breeze.

She had gained a bit of weight over the last several weeks, and she looked much healthier than when she’d arrived. Her fatigue had lightened in the last few weeks, despite her intense workouts with her team. He was sure this nap was a result of her lack of sleep the night before, not physical fatigue.

He set his gift on her nightstand, and sat down in the overstuffed armchair, which sat near the foot of her bed, One arm on the armrest, bent at the elbow, his index finger running absently over his bottom lip, content to simply watch her sleep for a few minutes. She moved, curling herself into a ball on her side, her elbows and fists pulled into her chest, her hair splayed over the pillow behind her. She looked peaceful.

His beautiful fucking pistol. She loved him. He couldn’t believe it, but she’d told him so, and Gigi didn’t say anything she didn’t fucking mean. He knew that much about her. It was a miracle unto itself, in his mind, such an exquisite, intelligent, amazing creature could harbor any affection for him at all, let alone love him.

He loved her, too, but he was too much of a pussy to tell her. _What the fuck is that about?_ He was the king of the goddamn world. Not afraid of anything or anyone. But he was more than a little bit of a fucking wimp when it came to his feelings for her.

 _She needs to wake up right now._ “Psst.” She didn’t stir, so he did it again, more loudly. “Psssst!” That did the trick. She started to move, straightening out from her curled up position, as she opened her eyes. When her eyes didn’t immediately move to him, he knew she hadn’t registered his cat call when it woke her. Her gaze fell on Slug’s floral arrangement on her nightstand instead, and she smiled against her pillow, her eyes finally scanning the room for him, landing on him in the corner. “Is that glitter?” she asked him, looking back at the flowers with a furrowed brow.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Slug arranged them for me. All I know was there were scissors, eight different fucking fabrics, glitter and some spray stuff flying as he worked.” Negan shook his head at the mental image.

Gigi laughed, looking it over again. Slug really was talented. The wildflowers were trimmed to perfect heights. He had placed them in a small glass pitcher he had found when they did their antique scavenging for her room. He’d added strands of a few different fabrics, which were twisted, wrapped and tied around it just so, and the overall look was lovely. The little bit of glitter caught the light from the windows, in a surprisingly subtle but lovely effect.  

“I never thought a boy would bring me flowers again, with the way the world is now. They are perfect. Thank you.” She rolled onto her back, stacking the other pillow behind her to prop herself up. “Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”

“I don’t even know why was fucking mad at you.” Negan got up from his chair, taking off his leather jacket and tossing it on the empty seat. He toed off his boots, and crawled up the bed and on top of her, resting his head on her stomach.

“Because I hid from you all day yesterday, maybe?” she admitted, chuckling as she ran her fingers through his hair.

He was quiet for a minute before he explained, “ I just expected you to come to me first when you got back. I was worried as fuck about you when Liz told me what happened. I was worried about Stevie and Elena, too, when she told me they had left you a note but then didn’t show up.”

If she wasn’t already in love with him, Gigi would have fallen in love with him at that moment, for sounding hurt because she hadn't sought his comfort, and even more so for worrying about her children. “I’m sorry. I was too far into my own head to think about how you might feel. But I also think I needed to try to handle it on my own. At some point you’re going to get tired of me dumping my never ending angst on you. I need to pull up my big girl panties and start dealing with things on my own.”

“Maybe I like helping you fucking deal with things, Gigi. I deal with so much mundane shit, day to day, and it gets old. But when I’m helping you through your _constant drama_ ,” he teased her, receiving a slap on the top of his head as he lifted up the bottom of her shirt, kissing across her stomach in between sentences, “I feel like I’m doing something that matters.” He was quiet for a bit before he added, “And maybe I like it you fucking need me.”

“I do need you. At this point I can’t live without you, and it’s not just because you’ve helped me in a myriad of ways I can’t even begin to count. It’s because of the man you are and how you make me feel.” Gigi held Negan’s face in her hands, running her thumbs along his cheek bones.

She smiled at him, in her way which made him feel all fucking special, and he grinned back at her before he ran his nose down between her legs announcing, “Well right now, I need to get into your big girl panties to remind you how good I can make you feel.”

“Nice! I just so happen to be in the perfect position to watch you do it!” she joked, moving like she was settling in for the impending fun, fluffing her pillow behind her.

When someone knocked on her door half an hour later, Gigi was out of breath, feeling like a melted puddle of post orgasmic bliss on her bed. Negan was laying on his side between her legs, head on the inside of one of her splayed thighs, poking and pulling at his tongue. “I think it's a little numb. Can you break your fucking tongue? I mean it, Gigi. I think it's at least  sprained.”

A second knock sounded on the door as Gigi giggled at him, and he got up, yelling, “Hold the fuck on!” across the large room. He looked around for his tee shirt, and not seeing it, he headed up the steps in his pants which were opened and hanging off his hips, and with a bare chest. Luckily he remembered to stuff his erection back in his boxers and at least zip his pants before he opened the door, hair standing on end, chin still a little wet in spots.

Slug was standing there, a tray and a small pitcher in hand. The young man looked him up and down, pursed his lips and gave him an, “Uh huh!” as he handed his half naked boss the items and turned to leave, muttering, “Lucky Gigi!"

Negan chuckled, kind of digging the fact the man thought he was hot, and took a whiff of what was on the tray. He made his way back down to Gigi, grinning from ear to ear. “This smells awesome!”

“Oh, yeah? What is it?” she asked in a tired voice, which suddenly perked up when the smell drifted her way. “Oooh! What _is_ that? It smells amazing!”

Negan set the large tray down on the bed, and two tall glasses with salted rims clanged together as they tapped each other in the move. Gigi came flying across the bed, looking at the tray with wonder, making him chuckle. There was a platter which was covered in foil, and two small, covered bowls, as well the two tall salted glasses with colorful bendy straws, and a small plastic pitcher. There were two napkins fashioned from some bright fabric, with Casa De Negan written on them in purple puff paint, no doubt Slug’s handiwork.

Gigi started to take the top off of the pitcher to see what was inside, but Negan smacked her fingers and took the pitcher from her, sitting gently on the bed on the other side of the tray. “Close your eyes!” he commanded. She complied immediately, not wanting to waste any time in finding out what goodies lay in store for her. She listened as he removed the lid from the pitcher, and then she heard the sound of him sloshing the liquid around in the pitcher before she heard the sound of ice cubes and liquid hitting a glass. “Aww fuck, that’s good!’ he affirmed after taking a noisy drink of the mystery beverage.

“Come on! That’s not fair!” she pouted, eyes still closed, bouncing a little where she sat. She could guess what it was, but she needed to taste it.

“Hold still, woman!”

Gigi felt the end of the straw touch her lips, and she wasted no time take a sip, groaning loudly when the drink hit her taste buds. “Oh my God! A margarita!” She started to drink more, but the straw was quickly pulled from her lips. “Tease!” she frowned.

She heard the sounds of foil being removed, and a heavenly aroma saturated the air around her. “Mexican food?” she questioned, her nostrils flaring as she sniffed the air. She could hear Negan doing something on the tray, the sound of utensils hitting bowls more loudly than necessary as he noisily set up the food. She heard a crunch, and his groan. “That’s just not right!” she announced in response, crossing her arms over Thelma and Louise, perturbed.

“You better be nice, little girl, or you won’t get any,” Negan admonished as the sounds of him working continued.

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Well now you’re just getting my fucking hard on going again.”

Gigi laughed, but stopped quickly when she felt Negan’s fingertip on her lip, and the smell of something sumptuous under her nose. He fed her what was in his fingers, and she groaned with pleasure, just as he had.

“Nachos? _Pulled pork nachos?_ Is that guacamole?” she asked with her mouth full, and she couldn’t help but open her eyes and look at the tray with it’s platter full of nachos with beans, meat and lots of melted cheese. The accompanying bowls were full of fresh guacamole and pico de gallo. “This is amazing!” she grabbed a tortilla chip full of goodness, and slathered it with the condiments, stuffing it gently into Negan’s mouth.

“They really are fucking awesome,” he told her with his mouth full. “Maria and her mother made the tortilla chips from scratch.”

“No way! So good. I _love_ pulled pork nachos,” she told him excitedly as she put another chip together for herself, piled high with guacamole. “I was just thinking, a few weeks ago, I wanted some of these.” She stopped suddenly and looked at Negan, who was putting together his own chip with toppings. She looked from him to the flowers on her night stand. “And I wanted a boy to bring me flowers.” she added, suspicion creeping into her voice.

Negan’s eyebrows went up as he continued to work on his chip, putting the whole large pile of food into his mouth, chewing a few times. “What a crazy fucking coincidence!”

“You heard my rant?” she looked at him horrified. If she was remembering correctly, she had called him a few choice names, and made fun of his wives.

“Yes. And yet I am still kind enough to make your wishes come true after you called me an asshole, twice, I believe.” He did his best to look very indignant.

“Uh huh.” She squinted her eyes at him. “And just how long were you in the room that night, Negan, before you finally came to bed?”

“That’s none of your damn beeswax.”

___________

“No, no, no! Ahh fuck, Gigi. Come on!” Negan howled, his hips bucking upward for the third time. His body was covered in perspiration, his hair wet, despite the fan blowing directly on him. His body was shaking, and his chest heaving, as his head pushed back into the pillow.

He was blindfolded with the tank top she had worn, and his hands were over his head, planted firmly against the headboard, because he was told if he moved them he would lose the game. Negan didn't like to lose.

She had placed them there, and proceeded to torment him, stroking his cock for thirty seconds, listening to him hum with pleasure before she stopped, and then sucking and biting his nipples for one minute making him hiss. She kissed him for a couple of minutes because it was one of the things _she_ liked best, and because he looked adorable turning his head to search blindly for her each time she moved off one of his body parts. She sucked on his balls for thirty seconds, making him curse loudly when she tugged on them and then let them go with a resounding pop.

She ground her wet pussy onto his cock, as it lay on his belly, for about a minute, listening to him curse up a storm. She stroked his dick for twenty seconds, listening to him growl, then waited for a half a minute, taking a drink of her margarita, and rolling an ice cube around in her mouth before she sucked the head of his cock to clean off the large amount of pre cum on the tip, letting him fall out of her mouth after just three seconds. Then she moved between his legs, bending his knees and pushing them up to his chest, because she loved to see him with his legs spread. It was her kink, she had told him once, and she owned it.

“Oh, come on, Gigi ...” Negan started to protest in an aggravated tone, but the aggravation disappeared when she ran her tongue very lightly over his rim, just once, taking is breath away. “Fuck, fuck!” he panted, his dick twitching on his belly. She ran her tongue more forcefully over his rim one more time, slowly, stopping to lick his balls for a second before moving on to bite at the back of his spread thighs as he grunted out an expletive.

And so it went, for an hour, until his hips bucked involuntarily for the third time in a minute, and he almost finally said the magic words when she pulled her lips off of his cock for the umpteeth time. “No, no, no! For fuck’s sake, Gigi!”

She had two fingers in his ass, massaging his prostate intermittently as she talked to him. “Ooooh. So close! Are you sure you’re not ready to beg me? You know what I want to hear. If you beg me, I’ll let you come. Payback for all of the times you made me beg you.” She started the circular motion on his prostate again. He was a sweaty, twitchy, pre cum dripping wreck at the moment and she would have taken pity on him, but she really, really loved it.

His hips moved to enhance his pleasure, his breathing becoming erratic as he told her, “Ahhh, fuck! Not happening!” in the most pathetic, strained voice because Negan didn’t want to give her his power.

She absolutely delighted in the sound of it.

Lowering her mouth over his cock again, she rubbed more forcefully on this prostate, sucking his dick with all of the force she could muster for twenty beats, before she stopped for a few seconds and then repeated.

Negan started to cry out with each stroke, deep throaty grunts and growls and _fucks_. When she felt his hips start to move erratically, she pulled off of him and gently pulled her fingers from his ass, almost taking pity on him as his body twitched and he tried to talk but could only stutter at her, “F-fuck you, Gigi.”

“You just need to beg me, Negan, and I’ll suck your cock and finger your ass till you explode,” she taunted him. He was still for several seconds, breathing heavily, and she could tell he was considering his options.

Negan was a man who liked to win, but winning wouldn’t be as fun as losing, in this particular game.  She decided to help him in his decision making and added more saliva to her fingers and ran them around the outside of his rim one more time, making his thighs shake, before gently sliding them back inside his ass to rub his sweet spot.

He jerked, and he moaned, and he let out one last, very loud, “Fuck!” before he finally turned his head in her direction with a resigned huff. “Gigi …God damn it ...” It was a huge effort to quell her smile before she reached up and gently pulled his makeshift blindfold off. He blinked his eyes several times at he tried to focus on her.

She raised her eyebrows at him with her serious face, waiting to see what he wanted to say as she teased his prostate, brushing it with feather light touches. His hips rotated and canted, trying to create more friction, and the teasing touch seemed to unhinge him as he started to ramble, “Ahhh. Fuck! Let me come, Gigi, please? I need to … you gotta … goddamn, shit ... _fuck …_ all right.  Please?”

He was babbling like a madman as she continued to massage him lightly, but he had begged her, so she immediately lowered her mouth onto his cock, sucking with a furious pace and pressure as she started to massage his prostate more firmly.

There was no stopping this time, and Negan couldn’t help it when he grunted with each stroke of her amazing mouth and fingers, finally yelling out a hearty “Fuck!” when his body jerked and spasmed with his release. Gigi pulled her mouth off him and stroked him quickly with her free hand as he shot his never ending load all over his chest and stomach.

“Holy fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” he gushed breathily, as he rode out his orgasm. She found it incredibly hot he seemed to lose all control of his body, his abs contracting involuntarily, hips spasming in a wave-like motion, his body trying to curl into itself as his fingers twitched against the headboard. Gigi crawled up to press her body into his side, her head buried in his neck, running the fingers of one hand through his wet hair.  

He finally stilled, and Gigi used her tank top to wipe the cum off his stomach. “Holy fuck. What the fuck did you just do to me?” he asked her in a husky voice, his eyes closed.

Realizing he could indeed move his hands from the headboard if he put some effort into it while in his jelly like physical state, he clawed his fingertips ineffectually into her arm which was thrown over his chest, trying to pull his girl on top of him.  Luckily she did the work for him, moving to lay on his damp chest, kissing him softly. “Too much for you?” she grinned at him as he opened one eye to look at her.

“No fucking way.” Negan wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, pulling her in for another kiss.

_____________

There were alot of hearts all over the back of the note Gigi had written to her children several weeks before, and left tied to the tree. There were also a few smiley faces and a caricature of Elena and Stevie melting in the sun. The kids had read her message, and then written a response on the back of the page with the pen she’d left for them. Her Elena, she knew, had added the artwork.

_Mom, Mommy, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mom, (imagine both Stevie and I saying this together. Are you cringing? Ha ha!)_

_We have been worried sick about you!!!!!!!! Soooooo worried!!!!! I was, anyway. Stevie told me you’d be fine. He knew you would get away from those assholes_

“Assholes” was crossed out because Elena knew her mother would not like her choice of words, even if it was accurate, and she continued writing,

_jerks. I knew it too, but I still worried more than Stevie. You said you are recuperating at the new place. Does that mean you are hurt???!!! I guess I’m still worried._

_We are staying a few miles from here. We found a safe place, so don’t worry about us. There are a boat load of rabbit nests in the area, so we’ve been okay for food. Stevie has been trapping them for for us to eat._

_There aren’t a lot of dead ones around here, we’re not sure why, but we feel pretty safe. We are keeping track of the days and time with Dad’s watch. (Yes, we remember to wind it every night before we go to sleep.)_

_We love you so much, Mom, and we’ll be back here every two weeks, like you put in your note. I want to come to your new place to find you, but Stevie said it’s too far and we should wait for you because it’s the safest path to you. He is really going overboard with being in charge since you’ve been gone. He’s soooooo on my last nerve. Can't wait until you're back to tell him his criticism isn't productive, like you always do._

_I love you more than pound cake and Winnie the Pooh put together! See you in two weeks!!!_

_XOXOXO_

_Elena_

_She is such a pain in the butt. Don’t worry. I’m watching out for her. Can’t wait to see you, Mom._

_Love you. Stevie_

 

Negan read the note, smiling at the teenage banter put into writing and Elena’s artwork. “I wonder why they weren’t there?” he pondered out loud, absently fingering Gigi's yellow and orange yarn bracelet.

“Me, too.” Gigi frowned. “They are staying close by the meeting spot, and we were there for twenty four hours, waiting for them.” She didn’t want to tell him she was worried something might have happened to them. She didn’t want to voice her fears out loud, because if she did, then her lack of faith might make them true.

Negan hugged her to him, making a mental note to send out the Joeys with her next time to do redirect to keep the area as corpse free as possible for her kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You don't know how much I appreciate it. <3


	11. I Close My Eyes So I Can Be With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They heard two shots as they approached the double doors which lead outside to the back of the property. Negan shoved both doors open with all of his strength, practically diving through them as he pulled his gun from it’s holster, releasing the safety. Gigi’s heart jumped into her throat as she realized he was virtually unprotected against an unknown threat, and she hoped her team was in place to cover him. She and Simon followed their leader through the doors, guns raised, ready to aim and fire, if needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things pick up in this chapter, my faithful readers. Buckle up for the ride!

Gigi and Negan were talking with Simon about integrating Gigi’s team in some upcoming runs. They could oversee negotiations and exchanges with their supplying communities, Negan was explaining to Simon when they heard Gavin’s garbled voice  calling over the walkie talkie, “I have a code red at the back fence! A code red and possible blue at the back fence! Shit! The gate is open!” There were sounds of the walkie being jostled as the man ran, before he clicked off.

Negan pulled his walkie from his belt as he started to jog down the hall, Gigi and Simon on his heels. Code red meant someone had been bitten. Code blue indicated possible invaders on the premises. “Who’s down?” There was no response from Gavin, causing the threesome to pick up their pace to a run as they headed in the direction of the rear gate.

Gigi grabbed her own walkie from her belt, commanding over her team’s channel, “Stand to! Code red and blue, rear gate! Verify your locations!” Her team listed off their locations, in precise order, and when Gigi confirmed Liz was seconds from Gavin, she advised her to assess and act when she got to the scene, because it would take her, Negan and Simon longer to get there from the other side of the property. She directed everyone else to follow Liz’s instructions.

“It’s Mikey!” Gavin finally responded, out of breath, over Negan’s walkie. They could hear the injured man crying out in the background as Gavin talked, and then a shot right before the lieutenant clicked off.

“Mikey? What the fuck?” Negan’s mind raced as he tried to figure out how roamers or invaders got inside the back of the property.There was no sign of weakness or threat at the perimeter when he walked it a few hours before. Not that one couldn’t have breached the fence since then.

They heard two shots as they approached the double doors which lead outside to the back of the property. Negan shoved both doors open with all of his strength, practically diving through them as he pulled his gun from it’s holster, releasing the safety. Gigi’s heart jumped into her throat as she realized he was virtually unprotected against an unknown threat, and she hoped her team was in place to cover him. She and Simon followed their leader through the doors, guns raised, ready to aim and fire, if needed.

“Where is he?” Negan yelled. He was standing in the middle of the open area, head moving from left to right as he did a visual search. Gavin and Laura were jogging the fence line and inspecting the outside of the building. The area looked clear of any threats, when Gigi took in the scene.

She spied Mikey at the same time Negan did. Gavin, Liz, Slug and Regina were outside the open north gate. Regina used her knife to put down one of their roamer “guards” which was trying to get at Liz, who was on her knees next to Mikey where he lay on the ground. Slug was dragging a tethered dead one, which had obviously been put down, out of the way.  Reg then took out two more of the fence corpses to make room for the new arrivals to maneuver around the injured man.

Tayvon approached his team leader and ran with her as she headed towards the gate. He reported it looked like Mikey had gone outside the fence and was bitten by one of the chained roamers. Her team was still searching the immediate area for other possible threats, but so far had found none, despite the wide open gate. “Stay alert.” she told him, and she continued to jog.

“Of course we’ll still play marbles later, buddy.” Negan was kneeling in a pool of blood, next to Mikey on the ground, his hand on the man’s chest. “Doctor Carson’s on his way. We’ll get him to patch you up, and you’ll be good as new.” He pushed some hair back on the man’s forehead smiling at him as Mikey nodded, his face contorted in pain.

Liz was on the other side of Mikey, holding his hand as Regina and Slug kept watch over them for possible threats. It was obvious to everyone but Mikey there would be no way to patch him up. His forearm was torn open from wrist to elbow and he was bleeding out, his radial artery shredded. He also had bites on his face, and some flesh was torn from his jawline. Gigi and Liz were both having a hard time keeping their emotions in check as they watched him struggle with pain.

“Mikey, why’d you come out here?” Negan asked him gently. The man was weak, but coherent, and he wanted to know what had led him outside of the gate and into the gauntlet of dead ones.

“I was gonna save you.” Mikey smiled up at his buddy, reaching to pat the leader's hand clumsily as it lay on his chest.

“Save me?” Negan shook his head in confusion, keeping a pleasant expression on his face.

“They told me how you were playing hide and seek and got lost out here. I told them I could find you. I’m good at hide and seek!” he nodded proudly at his friend, his eyes closing as he continued to weaken.

Negan tried to hide his anger as he realized someone may have deliberately sent Mikey into his own slaughter. “Who told you I was hiding out here, buddy?” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he waited for a response.

The dying man was quiet, his eyes closed for a few more seconds before he opened them, softly telling Negan, “Buck...and Jasper. Said they were playing, too, and they saw you come out here. They couldn’t find you. You could get hurt out here.” Mikey’s eyes closed again with a frown.

Negan moved his free hand to Mikey’s face, using his thumb to caress down the man’s forehead to the bridge of his nose and back up, erasing his frown with the soothing touch. “You are awesome at hide and seek, buddy! You _did_ find me, didn’t you? It’s a damn good thing you’re on my team!”  Negan’s voice broke with emotion as he gripped Mikey’s hand in his own, bringing it up to his chest where he held it tightly. Negan’s buddy gave him one last proud smile and a small nod before he stilled, his body relaxing into death.

Liz let out a cry of grief before she got up and walked through the gate, towards Laura, not wanting to witness what she knew would come next . Gigi wiped at her tears as Negan put a knife through Mikey’s ear to prevent him from turning. He remained kneeling over the dead man for a minute before he finally looked over his shoulder at everyone, rage in his eyes as he spoke calmly. “Fucking find them. Buck and Jasper. And Rich, too. I want them alive.”

Simon and Gavin nodded at him as Gigi signaled her team to join the search. She pointed to Simon with three fingers, to let them know to take instruction from Negan’s second in command. The group moved away from the fence, closer to the building, to give their enraged leader space, forming a circle to discuss strategy while Gigi turned to Negan.

He was reaching beneath Mikey’s body, using his other hand to roll some of the weight away from him, feeling his way until he found what he was looking for. His hand came out of the dead man's back pocket holding a well worn leather bag which he caressed with his fingers as he turned it in his hands.

“You know I found him one day last week, leaning up against a wall, with his eyes closed,” he started. “When I asked him why, he told me his dad and his brother would play marbles with him at night when he was sleeping. He said he would try to get them to come play marbles during the day by closing his eyes like he did at night, but it hadn’t worked yet.

“I don’t believe in all that afterlife bullshit, but I almost wanna fucking believe, so I’ll know Mikey can be with his family again. It's all he wanted.” A smile tugged up one corner of his mouth as he told her the story in a tired voice, backing up to sit on the ground away from the pool of blood, knees bent, forearms resting on them as he toyed with the leather bag.

Gigi squatted down behind him, pressing her chest to his back and her thighs into his sides, boxing him in. She put her arms around his shoulders, one hand caressing his neck lightly. Her chin on his shoulder, she consoled him with her presence, while she tried to process Mikey’s death.

“People are going to see us together, Princess Top Dog,” he teased her softly, taking her hand in his and kissing her palm.

“Mhmm. It's about time.” She felt him huff in amusement before he got quiet again for a few minutes.

When he finally spoke again, it was with the utmost calm he told her, “I’m going to fucking kill them this time, Gigi.”

“I know.”

_________

“ _Thaaat’s_ why he’s been less of an a dick lately.” Gavin commented, his eyes having strayed from the group, over to Negan and Gigi.

Several of the group followed his eyes over to the couple, a few sets of eyebrows raising as Negan kissed Gigi’s palm.

“No shit!” Regina chimed in, surprised, as Liz and Laura gave each other knowing looks.

“I think it’s awesome,” Slug chimed in curtly, ready to defend his friend and their leader, if need be.

“Warrior Princess tamed the savage beast,” Simon joked.

Suddenly Negan’s middle finger was raised over his head, arm pointed in their direction, making them turn quickly back to the task at hand.

“Nope! Still a dick,” Gavin muttered as groups of two broke off and headed in different directions for their search, calling over the walkie talkies for help from the enforcers as they walked.

________

Three hours later, Negan, his lieutenants and Gigi’s team were in the meeting room, going over the facts.

“What do we know?” the Sanctuary’s leader looked to Simon for a report.

“The gate was unlocked with a key, so we know Buck and his crew somehow got ahold of that key, and maybe keys to other locks on the property. I’m having three teams take inventory in our three weapons lockers to see if anything’s missing. Joe and Joe are changing the locks on all three immediately, and Negan, Arat and I will be the only ones with keys for the immediate future, after the locks are changed.” The second in command filled everyone in. “We’ve searched the entire property, from top to bottom, and have not found Buck, Jasper or Rich. We’ve asked around, and no one has seen them since about noon, about an hour before Gavin found Mikey. None of the guards on duty saw the three leave the property.”

“We also should consider having all of the lieutenants and enforcers who have more than one firearm make sure their weapons are still in their possession, if they have more than the one they usually carry. Since the men were stripped of their weapons after they attacked Gigi, they may have tried to get their hands on some by stealing them,” Tayvon pitched in.

“Good point, Tay.”  

“I was talking to Simon,” Gavin added, “and I think we need to consider more guard posts to close the gap between some of the posts along the sides and rear of the property. When Mikey got bit, I was looking over the west side of the property. He was outside of the gate, and bitten before I noticed what was happening. If he wasn’t yelling, I don’t know if I would have noticed him among the fence roamers.” The regret in his voice was clear as he shook his head at Negan. “We’re also lucky this wasn’t an enemy breach, because someone could have gotten onto the property and been out of my line of sight on the east side, in the time I was looking over the west side .”

“I agree, Gavin,” Negan confirmed immediately. “This was a head’s up, our security needs to be tightened up. Simon, let’s put additional guards on the ground in between the posts for now, and we can decide if we need to build more guard towers once this matter is handled.”

“You should also consider a few people on different levels of roof around the property, or in windows on higher floors which allow a few mile view. You haven’t needed it yet, but there’s no telling when you will. They should be sharpshooters. Liz or I can train some people if you need, ” Gigi suggested.

The two top men both nodded at Gigi’s suggestion. “Make it happen. ASAP!” Negan ordered, looking back and forth between her and Simon.

“So where the hell are Buck and his men?” Laura questioned. “Do you think they snuck off the property at one of the weak spots?”

“Two of the men have one useless arm, and one is still limping from his leg injuries, so they’d really be taking their chances by heading outside of the compound on their own. The question is whether they left quietly after they fucked over Mikey and are gone for good, or whether they are hiding somewhere on property or close by, and want to do some more damage before they go,” Negan questioned, making eye contact with Gigi. He wasn’t happy the men couldn’t be found, knowing they had an axe to grind with his girl. He wanted to tell her to lay low until the men were found, but he knew she would flip her lid if he even suggested it.

“I wonder if Buck sent Mikey outside of the fence, thinking he would be killed and no one would know why he was out there. There would be no link to them, if Negan hadn’t been able to question him,” Liz speculated.

“It’s a great idea to try to get inside their heads, Liz.” Negan squinted at her with a nod. “What would they do if they _thought_ they were not suspect in Mikey’s death, and what would they do if they _knew_ they were suspect in Mikey’s death.” He looked around the room. “It would strike me they may have been planning on leaving, no matter how things went down,” Negan nodded at Laura. “No doubt they haven’t been happy with the fact they were stripped of their privileges and are working the fences now.”

“So they make a plan to kill Mikey and split, but are they going to go quietly, or cause more problems before they go?” Gavin asked.

A knock on the door interrupted their discussion and Slug let the Joeys into the room. “The locks have been changed on the weapons lockers,” Skinny Joe informed everyone as he handed several keys to Simon.

“And the inventory is done,” Fat Joey reported, reading from a clipboard in his hand. “We are missing all six grenades from locker one.”

“A half a dozen handguns; Glocks and Berettas … ” Skinny Joe added, stopping when Fat Joe cut across him.

“ … from locker two.” Fat Joey elaborated. “Three silencers are gone, a couple of M16’s, oh, and ...”

“ ... lots of ammo,” Skinny Joey finished the sentence.  “We also did a quick inventory of the vehicles, and there are two ATV’s … ”

“ … and a motocross bike missing from the warehouse … What?” Fat Joey looked around the room at the amused faces of his fellow lieutenants, as they smirked and shook their heads at the way the two men were talking as one. “What?”

“And you found all this out before or after you fucking crawled into each other’s asses?” Negan deadpanned.

“What? Eww! That’s just gross,” Skinny Joey exclaimed, not understanding the basis for the question.

“Really, gross,” Fat Joe muttered as everyone laughed.

Negan addressed the room, “Sharp shooting rifles, grenades, handguns with silencers, as well as vehicles which can easily navigate through the woods around our perimeter. I think we have our answer as to whether the boys are going to stir up some shit. The guns could be used for self defense and hunting, but the grenades are good for nothing but doing some damage.”

“We’ll need to change our plans a bit,” Simon announced, “We need to include more protection for the area outside the perimeter.” He looked to Gigi and Liz, the two former military officers.

The two women looked at each other with a nod as Gigi asked, “Do we have a good diagram of the property, or do I need to draw one?”

Simon moved to a cabinet on the side of the room and opened it, taking out a three foot wide roll of red and green Christmas wrapping paper, causing many to raise an eyebrow. “Somebody drew this up right after we settled here, when we were trying to figure out where to position guards.” He tapped Laura and Gavin on the back, signaling for them to get up from their side by side chairs. When their space was clear, he proceeded to unroll a basic diagram of the property, which was drawn on the plain white backing of the wrapping paper. The map included buildings, fencing, guard towers, and topography of the surrounding grounds.

The corners of the three by four paper were weighted down, and everyone watched as Gigi and Liz started to work. “Do we have a pencil with an eraser?” Gigi’s index finger started moving to different points on the map, as she conferred with Liz. It was impressive to watch, considering they barely spoke as they did it. They used hand signals to communicate as they pointed at the map, interjecting words and phrases here and there.

“We're not excluding you all,” Gigi told them as they watched, fascinated. “We are brainstorming. Sort of rambling to each other. Give us another minute and we’ll throw it out to you for input.” She said all of this while she continued to signal Liz and the woman responded, Gigi making light notes and marks on the map.

 _Look at my fucking girl, go! Talk about multi-tasking. So goddamn hot. Fuck if she isn’t giving me a hard on._ Negan was impressed as he watched the two women work. He knew Gigi and Liz were close, and had worked many hours together to perfect Liz’s use of the sign language and hand signals so they could both teach their team the basics. He knew, from watching the rest of her team nod and look at each other as the women worked, they could understand a lot of what the two women were signing to each other.

“What’s over here?” Gigi asked, looking around the roomful of people as she pointed to a handful of small rectangles on the map which sat close to a body of water, a few miles away, through the woods to the north. She wasn’t familiar with the area.

“Cabins. By the lake,” Fat Joey responded, looking over Liz’s shoulder at the map. “We cleared those out two years ago of anything useful.”

Gigi and Liz looked at each other, Liz tapping her nose twice with a smile. Both women looked up at Simon and Negan, pointing to the cabins.

“We should look for them there?” Negan asked, catching on. The factory and surrounding buildings sat in an isolated area, off the beaten path. The closest houses and shopping areas, before the turn were several miles away, but the cabins were just a few miles through the woods, over manageable terrain.

“If you and your two partners in crime had limited physical capabilities, and if ATV’s and a motocross bike were your form of transportation, where would you stop first if you were fleeing the scene?” Liz asked him. “A vehicle couldn’t leave the area without being seen if they took the one road in and out of the factory. They chose the off road vehicles for a reason. They are either staying in the woods around the perimeter, or they want transportation to travel through the woods until they get further down the road where they could access it past our line of sight. _Or_ they are using the lake cabins as a base until they attack, and then will move on from there.”

“The area on the other side of the lake has housing and shopping.” Simon told them, and roads to move out of the area.”

“What else are you thinking?” Negan asked Gigi, his brow furrowed.

“Besides sending a team to check out the cabins, we should set up patrols around the perimeter as well as posting more guards on ground level and higher up as I mentioned before.” Her index finger moved from place to place on the map quickly as she spoke. “I’ve marked the paths which should be followed outside of the fence. You should take a look to see if you agree.”

Negan, Simon and Gavin moved to surround the map as Gigi continued to talk. “We have about three hours until sun down....”

_________

Once the meeting was over, and the group left to implement their plans, only two people remained, and there was a heated argument about whether Gigi should go with Negan to the lake to see if Buck was hiding out there. They yelled in loud whispers at each other, knowing there were people milling around outside of the room.

They were both on edge from Mikey’s death, and the possibility of an attack on the property. Negan’s arms flailed and Lucille was waved dramatically several times as Gigi pushed herself up in the leader’s face as she made her points, refusing to back down.

In the end, Negan got turned on by his mouthy little spitfire as Gigi got revved up from challenging him, and the next thing Negan knew, he was inside of her, her back pressed to the wall, legs wrapped around his waist as they worked off the day’s angst and frustrations. Her pants and underwear hung from one ankle, down his back, one of her shoes on the floor. His pants were pooled on top of his boots. He found it incredibly hot, having sex behind a locked door, while there were people close by as they tried to stifle their moans. He knew Gigi was turned on as hell, when she came in no time at all. His own orgasm wasn’t far behind.  

“Feel better now?” she kissed him as he lowered her to the ground afterwards. She pulled her bottoms back up her leg and tied her boot as she waited for his response.

“Yes, but you’re still not going with Arat and me. I need you, Simon and Liz to manage things here,” Negan ordered as he tucked himself back into his underwear and pulled his pants up.

Gigi let out a growl of frustration before she left the room, buckling her belt before she went through the door, purposely leaving him scrambling to finish dressing before someone looked into the room as they passed by.

__________

Negan enlisted Arat, Keno, and two of the Crazy Eight, Pedro and Johnny, to check out the cabins around the lake. By the time they got moving, it was dusk, and they traveled by foot, knowing the noise of off-road vehicles would alert Buck and his men of impending company before they arrived if they were in one of the cabins. They spread themselves apart by forty or so feet as they moved, handguns drawn, keeping their eyes on their surroundings for signs of the men or their vehicle. They took out less than a handful of walkers on the way, thanks to Fat Joey’s redirection, and Negan made a mental note to praise the man for his good work when he had the chance.

The leader was jogging at a good clip, pressed to find the men before they could do any more damage. He was more than a little worried about Gigi, and the rest of his people for that matter, and he wouldn’t be able to relax until his woman and his property were safe.

He could see two of the six cabins in the distance as they approached the lake, in a clearing beyond the edge of the woods. They came together, and stopped long enough for Negan to whisper orders to his people. The cabins were conveniently lined up in a row on the lakefront. He and Arat would check out the three cabins on the right, Keno and his men would take the three on the left. They should shoot to kill only if necessary, try to take the men alive if they were able. Whistle for backup, once they found and restrained the men.

Negan’s agitation grew with each minute which passed. He and Arat broke off from the rest of the group and headed to the cabin which was furthest away. They circled the perimeter of the small building as much as possible without leaving the cover of the woods, not seeing any evidence of life.

He motioned for Arat to stay close, not wanting to take the chance of having to confront the men one on three if they came across them after splitting up. He ran towards the back corner of the house which was void of close windows or doors. They edged their way around the house, Arat looking for signs of foot traffic, or recent inhabitants while she kept her eye on the surrounding area for threats. Negan kept his eyes on the building itself, looking for signs of entry through windows and doors, and carefully peeked through any glass on the structure as they passed it.

The cabins were small, with a simple layout. It looked like there were only 4 rooms on one level; two bedrooms and a bathroom taking up one half, a great room with living, dining and kitchen area in the other half. The first building showed no sign of life, other than at the exterior. It looked like someone had entered recently at the back of the cabin. There were footprints from lugged soles in the dirt by the back door, and fresh dirt on the threshold of the door frame. The lower right pane of glass in the nine pane door had been broken, presumably so an arm could reach through and open the door from the inside. There was no dirt or dust on the broken edges of the glass, so the break in had been recent.

Negan motioned for Arat to follow him to the next cabin. If they didn’t see any sign of life in the three buildings from the exterior, they could go back through the interior of each cabin to see if they were missing any clues.

They hit paydirt at the second cabin, starting at the back door where they spied several sets of footprints in the dirt. The kitchen and dining area at the back of the house looked clear, so Negan and Arat made their way around the side of the building to take a look through the bedroom windows.

Arat knew someone was in the house as soon as Negan lowered his head from peeking through the window. His jaw was tense, and his eyes had a dangerous look as he turned to her. She simply nodded at him, and followed him as he continued to lead her around the house until they were back at the rear entrance. “Rich is on the bed. He’s the only one I see,” he murmured. “Let’s go in through the back door. Cover me.” If they entered through the back, they had a chance of surprising the man.

Negan slowly turned the knob on the back door, pushing the door open. The sound of metal rattling on metal alerted them to a trip wire of some sort on the back door, ruining their chance of surprising Rich. _Son of a fucking bitch._ He proceeded quickly, but silently through the kitchen to the small hallway which separated the bedrooms and bathrooms, gun in position to fire if needed.

He and Arat glanced at each other, surprised Rich hadn’t already made a move against them as they approached the door to his room. Negan decided to act, moving his Glock, his shoulder and just enough of his head to ensure a good shot into the doorway. Despite Negan’s movement, Rich continued to lay quietly. Assuming he was playing possum, the leader kept his weapon aimed at the man while he took a good look into the room. Rich was still laying on the bed on his back, one arm over his head, one lying on the bed beside him. There was a Glock on the bed next to his hand. He was breathing heavily and there was a sheen of perspiration on his brow. His eyes were open, looking at the intruder, but he wasn’t moving. Ready to fire, Negan stepped into the room, Arat covering his back.

“I knew you’d find us,” Rich called softly from his prone position. “I told those assholes this was the worst place for us to lay low.” He turned his head towards Negan as he approached the bed, murmuring, “You may be an egotistical fuck, but you’re not stupid.”

Negan squinted at the man, trying to figure out why he wasn’t up in arms over their arrival. Looking him over from head to toe, he spotted bloody wound dressings on Rich’s arm. The man was clearly feverish and weak. There was also rope around the wrist laying over his head, tying him to the bedpost.

“You’ve been bit.” The minute Negan realized the man’s plight, he wanted to start killing the fucker slowly and painfully, but he knew he didn’t have the luxury of time. He needed to know where Buck and Jasper were, and he needed the information immediately.  

“I'm dumb as shit … one of the roamers caught hold of my arm out in the woods.” Rich smiled sadly at his own plight, a smile Negan didn’t return.

“You deserve worse, you fucking shithole!” Negan lunged, grabbing the man’s face in vice like grip with one hand, while he shoved the Glock off the side of the bed with the nozzle of his own gun. _“What the fuck is wrong with you?”_ he yelled in Rich’s face. “You killed Mikey, you fucking worthless piece of shit! Killed that sweet, innocent fucking man! You shit wipes weren’t fit to lick his fucking shoes!” He holstered his handgun and moved Lucille to his dominant hand, taking a swing at one of Rich’s knees, bringing her down just hard enough to crush his knee cap.

Arat was taken aback at the contortion of Negan’s face. She was strangely mesmerized as the muscles along the side of his face flexed and relaxed, flexed and relaxed, from his temple down to his jaw. Her boss was in kill mode. She’d seen it many times and she usually recognized the persona he would take on, depending on the situation. There were two.

The first was his George Clooney and PT Barnum character. The showman was the face he put on when they were in a new community, or among a new group they were trying to pummel into submission with physical and verbal force. He was handsome and charming, but heinous. Calm, controlled and witty, but also verbally merciless. In those instances, he would kill at least one person, while leaving the survivors wondering why their worthless asses weren’t the ones laying spattered across the ground, because the man in front of them had convinced them they weren’t fit to walk on the same ground as he.

The other persona she had seen was angry and intense. She and Laura had joked it was his, “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord” persona. It was the face of a man who was seeking revenge, or exacting punishment. He was angry, but controlled. Always in control. He spoke passionately and eloquently as he beat an offender down verbally, taunting them, and convincing them they deserved his punishment. He did all of this while he assured them his godly action would alleviate the world of their deplorable presence, it was right and good, and what needed to be.

Arat didn’t recognize the man in front of her. Negan was sporting a new look as he gazed at Rich. The difference this time was he didn’t seem to be in control. He was spewing venom which was not witty and well timed. It was emotional and raw.

Rich screamed when his kneecap shattered. He panted and writhed in pain, trying to drag himself to the far side of the double bed to get as far away from the leader as possible, his tied wrist keeping him from doing so. Reaching over his head with his free hand, he tried to untie the simple knot which bound him to the bedpost, but the combination of his weakness and his shaking kept him from accomplishing the task.

Without warning, Lucille cut through the air, smashing both of his hands against the headboard with one swing.

“Where are Buck and Jasper?” Negan demanded over Rich’s screams, lining Lucille up with Rich’s other knee, moving her up and down over the man’s knee to let him know another blow was coming, and would hit the mark precisely.

Rich knew he was a dead man, with or without Negan’s presence, so he decided he may as well go out swinging. “Your girlfriend is fucked, man!” he yelled between gritted teeth as he thrashed in pain.  “They’re on their way back to the Sanctuary for her. They’re going to take her down, and fuck up your castle, and you can’t do shit about it because you’re all the way out here, in the wrong fucking place, looking for them.”

The leader froze, his voice deadly calm as he asked Rich to repeat his words. “They’re _what_?”

Rich’s face contorted into a grotesquely pained grin. “She’s dead, man. Aren’t you going to be sad when you don’t have anyone to ride you any more, _like there’s no tomorrow_? What, Negan, none of your wives can ride your dick like Gigi can?”

Negan stared at Rich, his head tilting, eyes squinting as he searched his brain. _Fuuuuck!_ How could this man know what he’d said to Gigi when they were alone in her room? “No! Nooo!” he yelled. “You warped, fucked in the head son of a bitch!” He brought Lucille down on Rich’s knee, and then proceeded to pulverize his shins with three more swings, making the man’s eyes roll back in his head from the pain, his screams and cries unceasing, filling every available space in the small room.

Arat wasn’t surprised when Negan turned and left the room without killing Rich. He wanted the man to suffer before he finally died. She followed him out the back door of the cabin, knowing they needed to get back to the Sanctuary. Gigi’s life was in danger, as well as their home.

Keno and his men were running in their direction as Negan sprinted towards the woods. “You guys are okay? Was that Buck and his boys yelling?” Keno called as they ran to catch up.

“Rich was in there!” Arat called to him. “Buck and Jasper are on their way back to the Sanctuary to do some damage to the place. They’re after Gigi, too!”

“Shit! Not my girl, Gigi! Fuck no!” Keno picked up the pace to catch up with Arat, his boys close behind.

“Pedro! Johnny! Stay here! Lay low. Look for signs of the fuckers in case they come back here!” Negan yelled in their direction. “Arat, Keno! Stay close to me!” The threesome took off, running through the woods at a good clip.

Negan had slowed his pace a bit, knowing he would run out of energy if he tried to sprint the full two miles. It was just about dark, and he struggled to see more than twenty feet in front of himself as he made his way towards the factory. The fifteen minutes seemed like an eternity, but he was relieved when he caught sight of the interior lights of the main factory floor on the southeast corner through a clearing in the trees. He was relieved there was no sound other than nighttime insects and the breeze rustling through the branches of the trees as they approached the edge of the tree line on the south side of the compound.

Tayvon and Regina were suddenly beside them, guns raised. They had been patrolling the section of woods when they heard Negan and his group approaching. “They’re close! Buck and Jasper! They’re intent on doing some damage!” Negan yelled to them as he got closer. If the men were in the vicinity, he wanted them to know they were onto their plan. He grabbed Regina’s arm when he was close enough, pulling her with him as he ran towards the compound. “Where’s Gigi?” he asked her in a strained, hushed voice. “She’s in danger!”

“Fuck! She and Slug just headed inside to clean up a cut. She ripped her hand open on a section of the fence that had been cut open.” Regina looked at her boss.

Negan scoured the exterior of the building for any signs of activity as he ran across the clearing. Gigi’s room was at the southwest corner of the building, the length of her room facing the clearing and woods. _Did she head there, or did she head to the infirmary? Maybe his room_. He grabbed Regina’s walkie talkie from her belt and spoke into it. “Everybody on high alert! The assholes are in the vicinity! I repeat, everyone on high alert! Gigi, report your position!” He turned the volume knob on the device down, so the response couldn’t be heard by anyone but his group as he held it to his ear, waiting as he continued to move quickly towards the factory. The walkie was dead for several seconds as Negan gave her the chance to respond. “Gigi! Report your whereabouts!”

The sound of a static click filled his ear, and then he heard her beautiful fucking voice, “Glad to hear your voice, boss man!” Negan could hear the relief in her voice even though she answered him professionally, “I’m just heading into my room, Negan. Have a cut I need to patch up.” Negan’s entire body sagged with relief as she clicked off. He slowed to a stop as a light at the southwest end of the factory caught his eye. He turned to it, realizing Gigi must have turned on the lights in her room.

“Gigi! Head back into the interior of the building, now! You’re in danger! Head to my apartment!” The sound of automatic weapon fire suddenly filled the night air, and Negan watched helplessly as the windows of Gigi’s room shattered, shards of glass catching the moonlight as they flew through the air. Panic rose like bile in his throat as he took off running towards the end of the building, his team following close behind. “Fuck, no!” he yelled to no one and everyone as he ran. Finally getting his wits about him, he called into the walkie, “Gigi! Report your condition!” There was nothing but silence in return. He lost any semblance of professionalism he had as the silence continued. “Gigi! Darlin’! Tell me you’re okay!”

The woods were fairly close to the building outside of her room, the shooter was likely hiding behind the treeline near her room. Negan scanned the area outside of Gigi’s room for any sign of Buck or Jasper, while he signalled for Tayvon and Regina to head into the woods to look for the shooter.

He, Keno and Arat rushed towards the south gate and guard tower so they could access the compound, and continue further west to her room. It felt like the hundred yards to Gigi’s room were miles. There was an entrance to the building between the gate and his girl’s room which would be the quickest route to her. When they were thirty yards from the gate, Negan heard something hit the side of the building, and then the shattering of one of the windows of her room.

“No! Noooo!” he let out a guttural yell, knowing instinctively he was hearing the sound of some of his own fucking grenades being thrown at Gigi’s room. He watched in horror as the grenades exploded, one after the other, blowing out the corner of building and rocking the ground where they stood. Blowing Gigi’s living area, where she’d just turned on the light, to fucking bits.

His crew instinctively dropped flat to the ground, moving their arms into a protective position over their heads, while Negan stood paralyzed, unable to move as the edge of the blast continued to travel towards him after the explosion. _No. No. No!_

He twisted the upper part of his body away from the explosion out of necessity when he found the blast wave intolerable. From their prone positions, his companions heard him suddenly yell, “Oh, hell the fuck no! Fucking son of a goddamn fucking whore! Your fucking ass is mine! You’d _better_ run, mother fucker!” and he took off in the dark, running in the direction of the woods before they could react.

 _She’s dead. Gigi’s dead. They killed her. My girl._ Negan felt numb as he ran after the man he watched lob the second grenade at Gigi’s windows. His mind very logically reasoned there was nothing he could do for his girl now, and he needed to take down the men who fucking killed her. It wasn’t Buck or Jasper he was chasing, but Ray, his top mechanic, the man he played pool with and played poker with. Treating him like a fucking pal while he was plotting with Buck. His mind reeled at the revelation, and at the fact the man played a part in killing Gigi. _She’s dead. What the everloving fuck was going on? Ray?_ He wouldn’t have considered the guy a close friend, but he wouldn’t have expected this.

He was gaining on the man, having the advantage of speed since his legs were longer and he was fifty pounds leaner than the mechanic. He didn’t know where this burst of energy was fucking coming from, since he had just run two miles to get back to the Sanctuary.

As he and Ray approached the tree line, the leader heard the sound of movement ahead and to his left. He continued towards Ray, who was running to his right, since he had a handle on exactly where the man was ahead of him. He didn’t want to be distracted by the sound on his left.

 _Fuck!_ Was Ray the only one of his crew who had turned on him, or were there others waiting in the woods, or even mingling with his people inside the building? He pushed his thoughts of Gigi out of his mind, needing to keep his wits about him as he ran after the traitor in the woods.

“We’ve got Jasper!” Tayvon’s voice came over the leader’s walkie as he ran after his prey. Knowing the two from Gigi’s team would keep the man restrained until he told them otherwise, he continued his pursuit, clipping the walkie to his belt as he moved. _Gigi’s team. Gigi. My fucking girl._ He kept moving through his emotional turmoil, grunting and growling, unconsciously verbalizing his angst as he ran full speed, single-minded in his need for vengeance.

The pain Negan felt pumped up his adrenaline, and he closed in on Ray, gaining on him and finally taking a running leap at the man, bringing him to the ground. Ray swung at him, and they wrestled for dominance, Negan finally getting the upper hand by shoving his Glock up under the man’s chin, causing his nemesis to still, as he succumbed to the leader. He grabbed the strap of his M16 on Ray’s shoulder and yanked the gun from him, tossing the weapon to the side.

Negan proceeded to pistol whip Ray for an appetizer, knowing he would definitely add a salad, main course and entree to his fine dining experience. He laughed maniacally at his own analogy as he pummelled the man’s nose with his handgun, initially shattering the cartilage and then flattening it with a half dozen more hits. He was methodical with the hits, which were hard enough to break Ray’s nose, but not hard enough to knock him out, pulling back at the moment of impact so the hit to his skull was minimal, like a snake striking out at it’s prey and then coiling back. He wanted the bastard to be alert for every fucking blow he would inflict.

Arat finally caught up to her boss with Keno on her heels, and they heard him laugh like a madman while crushing Ray’s nose. For the second time that day she acknowledged something unusual about Negan. _He’s lost control._ She squinted, looking at Keno in the dark, and they both shrugged as they acknowledged the man deserved the crazed beating, and much worse, for playing a part in both Mikey and Gigi’s deaths. She felt a pang of sadness at the loss of her friend which she tried to push down, because it wasn’t the time or place to deal with her emotions. She and her partner kept their weapons raised, scouring the area as best they could in the dark, for other threats, trying to keep their boss safe as he exacted his revenge.  

When annihilating Ray’s nose wasn’t fun anymore, Negan got up from his kneeling position straddling the man’s gut, and picked up Lucille, from where she lay on the ground next to Ray. He circled the man, twirling the bat in his hand as the man’s head moved to follow his attacker's movement in the dark. Following him, no doubt to try to anticipate his next move.

 _Not happening, fucker!_ Negan raised his bat over his head suddenly, with the intention of striking across the man’s shins to incapacitate him. Then he’d take his hands, one at a time. Once he smashed every section of his appendages, he’d figure out whether he wanted to disembowel him and watch him die slowly and painfully, or whether he’d just smash his fucking skull, the pathetic son of a bitch.

As Lucille started on her downward swing, a shot rang out, and Negan felt a pain in his thigh which made him jerk forward, bending at the waist. _Fuck no! This is not fucking happening!_ He was determined to continue his downward swing, and hit Ray across the ankles with force enough to crush them. He was going to kill this motherfucker before the shooter took him out.

Arat found it morbidly fascinating; the bullet which hit Negan didn’t seem to phase him in the least. She didn't know where he was hit, but other than a momentary forward jerk of his body which let her know it happened, he continued his swing and hobbled Ray. The two lieutenants ducked immediately on hearing the gunshot, and moved behind the trees closest to them for cover while they tried to scour the dark area for the shooter. Arat could only assume Buck or another unknown accomplice was close by, firing at Negan to try to save Ray. She couldn’t fire into the dark, knowing some of her people were in the woods already, and more could be on the way after the explosion on their side of the building.

Negan stumbled slightly as he stood back up, and raising Lucille above his head again, he started to bring her down on the sobbing man’s knees. He took great pleasure in watching Ray writhe in the dark, hearing the blood bubbling from his nose as he swung for the second time, and a third, and then a fourth as he worked his way up the man’s legs.

Once again the sound of a gunshot filled the air, and Negan felt a sting on his left arm which morphed into some serious fucking pain after a few seconds. _Fucking, fuck!_ “Is that you Buck? You are ruining all of my fucking fun, you fucking worthless, piece of shit, pussy ass, fucker! Get out here and fucking look me in the eye while you shoot me!”

“I’m not that stupid, asshole!” Buck called from somewhere in the dark in front of Negan. “Don’t get any smart ideas, minions! I have him in my sights, and he’s dead if anyone tries anything. Hell, he’s dead anyway, but if you try anything, he’ll be dead quicker!”

Arat and Keno could tell Buck’s approximate position, but they didn’t dare make a move in the dark, since the quiet of night would amplify any sound they might make. The man could kill their leader before they could effectively stop him.

“You’re standing in the perfect spot, Mr. High and Mighty! Right in a patch of moonlight where I can see you perfectly!” Buck informed him. “Kind of like your hot little girlfriend in her room the other night. Standing in the moonlight. Should I sing you a fucking song, too, Negan?”

Negan’s mind reeled as the implication of Buck’s words sunk in. Rich had known what he and Gigi had talked about in her room the night of the tournament, and Buck obviously knew exactly what had happened that night as well. The fuckers had keys to the gate, to the weapons lockers and fuck knows what else. They must have had a key to Gigi’s room as well, and gotten into one of the extra rooms on the level of Gigi’s living area. The door to the empty office was only twenty feet from her bed.

As if his rage wasn’t already heightened, the thought of the perverted fucks watching him with his girl twisted his fury into lunacy as he suddenly started to process Gigi’s death, the mens’ violation of his first time with his girl, and the fact he might bleed out right there in the dark.

His response to it all was to yell.

He yelled in one long guttural note with all of the strength and the breath in his body, unhinged by the thought this fat fuck had shared his amazing fucking night with Gigi. Dazed from fatigue and his injuries, Negan involuntarily took jerky steps from left to right, as he roared, as if he was being hit repeatedly from all sides and was stumbling from blows. He needed to kill this fucker, and he needed to kill him now. He squinted into the dark, determined to find the man.

“She ain’t gonna be singing to you anymore, is she?” Buck goaded from his hiding place Or riding your dick, either. She was a hot little thing, wasn’t she? I’m sorry I didn’t get a piece of her ass before we blew her the fuck up!”

Like an answer to his warped fucking prayers, the trees in front of Negan were unexpectedly illuminated as a broad beam of light searched the darkness and found Buck, then held its position on him. The asshole was bathed in light before the leader’s eyes, the shock on the fucker’s face, priceless. As Negan tried to register what was happening, the man’s body suddenly jerked, and he grunted, looking down at himself in the light. Negan followed the man’s gaze with his own, to the handle of a blade which was protruding from Buck’s belly, and then to the blood cascading down the front of his shirt.

 _What the fuck? One of Gigi’s team threw a blade at him? Is that my girl’s fucking tri blade? Who… How..._ He was still processing what his eyes were viewing when he heard his beautiful girl’s cocky fucking voice in the dark. “It would never happen, Buck. My ass is way too good for you!”

They all watched as the startled man dropped the gun in his one good hand to fumble with the handle of the dagger, making the wound worse by trying to pull it straight out of his stomach. He was stopped in his attempts, when a second blade embedded in his throat, then a third in his chest in quick succession. The handles were all cocked slightly to the right, leading Negan to search the dark to his right for his girl, relief coursing  through him. He followed her voice as she called, “You kill Mikey, and then you fuck with my Negan? Fuck _you,_ Buck!” Negan broke into a smile as Gigi walked into the edge of the stream of light, pulled her Baretta from it’s holster and shot him in the eye, putting him out of his misery.

Arat and Keno came out from behind their cover, moving towards their injured leader while they continued to try to search the darkness for threats.

Tayvon and Regina came into the illuminated clearing, Jasper in tow, hands tied behind his back, his stolen M16 hanging from Regina’s shoulder.

“Buck, Ray and Jasper have been neutralized. We can’t assume there are only four of them, and even if we do, do we know where Rich is?” Gigi was instantly in command of the situation, after a glance at their dazed leader told her he needed medical attention immediately. She watched him sway where he stood, and grabbed the placket of his leather jacket, holding it firmly to keep him steady, touching his cheek for a moment before she signalled to Keno and Tayvon to get him inside. Slug appeared out of the dark with the illuminated industrial flashlight, moving the beam to the middle of the area so the Saviours could communicate in the light.

“Rich is dead, back at the cabins,” Arat informed her commander.

“Excellent. Bring Jasper inside. Arat, you and Regina get with Simon on who should question him about whether there is anyone else involved. The man jerked against his restraints, fighting against the two lieutenants as they tried to drag him towards the factory.

“What about this one?” Slug asked, standing over Ray, who was bleeding out from the shredded femoral artery in his right thigh. He had only minutes to live, so they would have to count on Jasper to get any information they needed about whether there were any other people plotting against Negan and the people of the Sanctuary.

Gigi walked over to Buck’s body. Pulling out her blades, she walked over to Ray and stabbed him through the eye to kill him and ensure he wouldn’t turn. Resheathing all three weapons after wiping them clean on Ray’s shirt, she began to give orders to Slug. After making sure he would work with Liz and Laura to replace the missing patrols in the immediate area, and giving him a quick hug and thanks for his help in taking Buck down, Gigi ran towards Keno and Tayvon as they helped Negan towards the building, their leader’s good arm over Tayvon’s shoulder for support as he limped along.

Gigi ran past Arat and Regina as they lead Jasper towards the building, a gun now pointed at his head to keep him still. “Thanks guys! You’re amazing!” she praised them as she passed by.

“Glad you're okay, BFF! We thought we lost you!” Arat called to her, and Gigi turned her head back over her shoulder to blow the woman a kiss.

She continued to run, catching up to and passing Negan and his two helpers, intending to escort them into the building to make sure there were no obstacles in their way. They made it through the gate, and approached one of the exterior doors, Gigi holding it open for the men to enter as Tayvon and Negan struggled to get through the door frame. She made her way past them after closing the door when she heard Negan call, “Gigi, stop!” his voice hoarse from yelling outside.

Turning back to the threesome, she walked back in their direction as Negan pulled his arm from Tay’s shoulder. Gigi gave him a once over, finally able to see him in the light of the hallway, and was alarmed at the amount of blood on his arm and leg. He also had cuts all over his face, neck and hands which were bleeding. “We have to get you to Dr. Carson, Negan!”

The leader took a moment to adore the worry on her face, then raised a tired eyebrow at her and jerked his chin up in a motion for her to come to him as he limped towards her. He lunged forward when she was close enough, pulling her to him, hopping twice to shift his weight to his good leg. Tayvon and Keno moved further down the hall in an effort to give the couple some privacy. He held her tightly with his good arm, wrapping the bloody fingers of his wounded arm around the back of her head, gently pulling at her hair to tilt her head back so she was looking up at him. “I thought you were fucking dead, Gigi! I thought you were dead … I lost my fucking mind!” he whispered gruffly onto her lips, clinging to her, needing to physically feel she was real.

Hearing the pain in his voice, and seeing the desperation mixed with wonder in his eyes as he looked at her, Gigi melted into him and held him, saddened at his angst. “I’m here, Negan. Right here with you.” She rubbed her thumb across his lips and onto a uninjured spot on his cheek, the blood from his cuts coating the tip of her thumb.

The relief the leader felt was intense, and he kissed down the side of her face passionately, stopping at her ear to whisper, “I love you, new girl.”

“I know, Negan,” she whispered back lowly so only he could hear, her fingers clutching the hair at the back of his head to keep him close. “You have for a while now. I was just waiting for you to figure it out.” She felt him nod against the side of her face.

Negan knew she wasn’t being presumptuous, and he knew she was absolutely fucking right. He was amazed as always at how she knew him better than he knew himself. He had loved her weeks before he admitted it to himself. He pulled back to look in her eyes, grinning widely at her.

He pulled away from her reluctantly, after a moment, knowing he needed to get to Carson’s office. He turned back to Keno and Tayvon, who were doing their best not to smirk at his displays of affection toward the commander.  “Shut the fuck up, assholes,” Negan admonished, motioning to them to come back.

“I think he’s going to be just fine, Gigi,” Tayvon joked as he walked back to Negan and swung the man’s arm over his shoulder to walk him down the hall.

“I swear to fuck, Tay, I will fire you from your cushy ass position on her team and have you working the fucking fences tomorrow!” his boss spat in his gravelly voice.

“ _Cushy ass_ position?” Tayvon questioned incredulously. “Don’t know about all _that_!”

_________

She sat on the edge of his bed in the infirmary at four in the morning, a warm wet rag in her hand, wiping the blood from his face as he slept. He had been restless after Doctor Carson worked on him, telling her he didn’t need any fucking rest, he wanted to have a go at Jasper. She had soothed his agitation by running her thumb from his forehead down to the tip of his nose and back up, and he was asleep in less than five minutes.

Gigi's mother had taught her the calming technique she and Negan used on each other when she was in the hospital after delivering Stevie, telling her she had used it on both Gigi and her brother when they were little. Gigi had soothed her children with it, and her husband a few times as well. Just like this time, it had worked like a charm on big bad Negan a few other times, too.

Dr. Carson had removed the bullet in his thigh, and stitched up the wound after injections of lidocaine at the site, noting he was lucky Buck had to shoot with his non dominant hand. He missed the femoral artery and the bone. The bullet which hit his upper arm had gone clean through, so some stitches to the muscle and surrounding tissue were all that were needed after a thorough cleaning. The doctor also had to remove a dozen or so pieces of shrapnel from his face, neck and hands resulting from the explosions. This was done without anesthetic, since Negan had insisted Dr. Carson save it for a real emergency. Gigi had watched him subtly flinch over and over, and grunt a few times during the extractions, but she thought he had done incredibly well, only threatening to kill Carson once.

She was startled when her name was whispered behind her as she cleaned Negan’s face, and Gigi turned to see Simon peeking in the doorway. She dropped her rag back in the bowl of hot water on the nightstand and followed him into the hallway after quietly shutting the door to Negan’s room.

“Jasper’s telling me Negan caught Ray at the beginning of their attack, so they didn’t get to toss grenades at the factory floor as they had planned. He’s also telling me he is the last of the group who was working with Buck to attack you and the Sanctuary. I’m ninety nine percent sure he’s telling the truth, since no one else is missing. The Joeys did a head count, and everyone is accounted for. We have three men who received minor injuries when the grenades went off, but luckily everyone else is fine. I'll send someone back to get Pedro and Johnny at the cabins when the sun comes up.”

Gigi didn't want to know how Simon got the information from Jasper. Just like she didn't know what Negan was going do to the man when he could finally get his hands on him.

“So unless Jasper is lying, and we have a wolf in sheep's clothing among us, this mess is finished,” Gigi formulated.

“It looks that way. We can keep people on high alert for a week or two, just in case.”

“Are you thinking we should pull back some of the patrols and let people rest? Keep some pairs patrolling key locations?” Gigi liked to phrase her suggestions in a way which made Simon feel like he was making the final decision on important matters. He had been at the Sanctuary longer than she, and she didn’t want to step on his toes.

“Yep. I’ll get with Liz on which posts we should keep covered,” Simon suggested, since Gigi had told him earlier Liz would field any questions or problems for her team, while she attended to Negan, and she would step in if absolutely needed.

“We probably should have Fat Joey assess the need for redirect in the area. With the gunfire and the explosion, we probably have some dead coming our way. We’ll want to move them in another direction, even if it’s a small number of them.”

“They’re already seeing some bodies coming out of the woods. The guard towers have been reporting some stragglers over the last few hours.” Gigi nodded at him, turning to go back to Negan. “What’s wrong, warrior princess?” he asked her, noting the frown on her face.

“All of this because I challenged Buck and his buddies.” She turned back to him,  shaking her head in frustration. “I’m just thinking if I would have handled things differently, Mikey would still be alive, Negan wouldn’t have been shot, and there wouldn't be a hole in the side of the building.”

“You know, Gigi, Buck and Jim were assholes. This shit was going to go down at some point, whether it was over you putting them in their place, or someone else giving them a sideways glance,” Simon reassured her. “Buck stealing from Negan? He would have been found out eventually, with or without you, so they all would have been pissed at someone when they got caught. Tayvon ended up telling Negan and me, after the fact, exactly what he saw the day those men cornered you. If you hadn’t taken them down, you would have been toast.”

Gigi gave Simon a small smile, patting his chest with her hand. “Thanks, Simon. I’ll see if I can buy into all of that so I don’t feel so guilty.”

Simon patted her upper arm as he turned to leave. “You better get back to the almighty one. If he wakes up and you’re not there, it might get ugly.”

Gigi made her way back into Negan’s room quietly, still smirking about Simon’s last sentiment. The leader was still sleeping peacefully, so she went to work cleaning his neck, since she had already cleared his face of blood. She worked with the lightest possible touch in the dim light of a desk lamp which sat on a table across the room. While she knew she was taking a chance at waking him, she needed to touch him, to feel he was alive. She needed to lay hands on the fact they were both still standing after Buck’s attack, compelled to wash it all away.

He looked so peaceful, and so handsome, his long eyelashes resting on his lower lids, the lines of his face which deepened when he was pensive or pissed while he was awake were all but gone in his sleep. She couldn’t help but smile, her eyes filling with tears at the thought she could have lost him to one of Buck’s bullets.

When the first bullet had rung out in the dark, Gigi and Slug had been approaching the group in the woods. Relief had washed over her when she caught sight of Negan after hearing his primal yell as they ran. His form had been bathed in moonlight as he raised Lucille to punish Ray. Her heart had leapt into her throat at the sound of the gun shot, but she continued to move forward quietly.

When she heard Buck, from her hiding spot, goading Negan by revealing details from their night together, she had wanted to vomit on the spot, feeling violated and disgusted at the thought of Buck’s men watching her and Negan during their most intimate moments. Bless Slug’s heart, he had squeezed her hand in the dark in a show of emotional support, and Gigi continued to cling to his hand as they moved into place to make their move. Her commander of her Special Forces unit at Quantico would ream her a new one if he could have seen her clinging to her subordinate’s hand for comfort. She smiled in the low light, sniffling as she concentrated on a stubborn bit of blood on Negan’s neck, gently swiping it with her wash cloth.

“You look like shit, new girl,” Negan’s raspy voice startled her as his thumb came up to wipe a tear from her cheek.

“I’m sure I do,” Gigi chuckled softly. She hadn't taken the time to clean herself up, the focus of all her attention going to Negan for the last several hours.

Dr. Carson had cleaned up and sutured her hand after he worked on Negan, which had been torn open when she helped Slug and Liz fix a section of the chain link fence which had been cut, presumably so Buck’s people could get themselves, or stolen goods on and off the property at a place which, until that day, was lightly guarded. Carson was also insisting on checking her face and neck for lacerations, before Gigi realized he was looking at Negan’s blood, smeared on her face from their embrace in the hallway and she convinced the doctor her face wasn't injured.

She looked down at Negan as he took her in, his eyes gentle with affection for her. Her tears started to fall full force, all of the emotions of the day before bubbling up to the surface. Mikey’s death, Buck’s violation of her intimacy with Negan, and almost losing her self absorbed prick hit her in that instant and she crumbled.

“Shhh. Come here.” He patted the space on the bed next to him before pulling her down to him, guiding her head onto his good shoulder as she laid on her side in the cramped space of the twin bed. He shifted his torso with a hiss of pain when his arm protested, trying to make more room for her. Gigi knew there was no use in telling him to lie still, because he would just fight with her.

His girl pressed herself into his right side, easily avoiding his injuries which were both on his left, and as she had done a multitude of times before, she squirmed until she was as far as should could go into the nooks and crevices of his body. He moved his arm around her back, his hand onto her shoulder, rubbing it as she cried.

“So, my warrior princess isn’t so tough after all,” Negan murmured softly as he kissed the top of her head.

“Sometimes she’s not tough at all,” Gigi admitted. “But you know that already, Negan.”

When Dr. Carson came into the room two hours later to check on his patient, he found Gigi wrapped around his bosses good side, one leg thrown over his closest thigh, her head on his shoulder, his fingers threaded through her hair. They both were sound asleep. He closed the door and left, deciding to wait to do his exam later, knowing his boss would bellow for him when he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of my faves to write. I'd love to hear your thoughts if you have a minute. XO
> 
> The soothing technique that Gigi and Negan use on each other was actually one that I used on my babies when they were screaming tired, but too worked up to fall asleep. Works like a charm for calming. :)


	12. Baby Be Strong For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the outside of the envelope, in unfamiliar chicken scratch was a note written with the blue pen from inside the bag, "Sorry - Can’t wait. Herd coming. Don’t worry. Taking good care of your kids. See you in 2 wks if it’s clear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Injured Negan = No fun for anyone.  
> Gigi jumps a hurdle.  
> A glimpse at what's happening with the children.

There wasn’t a person in Negan’s top ranks who didn’t know their leader’s recuperation period would be hard on everyone around him. The morning after he was shot, he’d insisted on moving to his room, sending Gavin and his crew on a run to find a wheelchair and some crutches. They were told, in no uncertain terms, they needed to be back by early afternoon, because Negan needed to be back in his apartment by dinner time, which was why he had Gavin awakened at six thirty in the morning to order him into action.

Once the big boss sent a sleepy Gavin on his way, he rambled incessantly with ideas about how he could get himself up three flights of stairs to his apartment, before Gigi finally told him he would be hard pressed to get another piece of ass from her anytime soon if he didn’t follow Dr. Carson’s orders and relax until Gavin came back with his mode of transportation.

It was a shame her room no longer existed, because she suspected spending the next few weeks there would have been preferable to being in Negan’s room during his convalescence. She smirked at him as he ate his breakfast. He would stop to take only one bite after a minimum two minute rant about how two weeks off his feet was totally fucking unnecessary, and Carson could kiss his fucking ass if he thought he was that much of a pussy and wouldn’t be up and about sooner. Then he would chew and swallow a bite and start the rant all over.

“You know, if you stopped talking and started eating a little faster, I could lock the door when you’re done and do my own exam to make sure Little Negan wasn’t injured during all of the chaos last night.” Negan’s eyebrows went up, as his fork full of scrambled eggs stilled mid air. He might look pale and a little weak, but he finished a plate full of eggs and toast in less than two minutes.

Gigi’s shirt and bra were then tossed to the floor,  and Negan’s lips were wrapped around Louise, and maybe Thelma once or twice, as Gigi straddled his right thigh and jerked him off, fondling his balls with the fingers of her injured hand.

“Best fucking girlfriend ever, getting me off in my time of need. And while you’re fucking injured, no less!” he praised, pulling her in for a kiss afterwards. “I’d return the favor, but due to my massive fucking injuries, Dr. Carson has advised me to rest.”

Gigi looked at him skeptically as he dramatically bemoaned his lack of reciprocation. “That might have had a chance of sounding sincere if you hadn’t been smirking at me when you said it, Negan.”

When Liz and Slug came by fifteen minutes later, Negan was relaxed, subdued, and in an exceptionally good mood as he insisted the two of them escort Gigi up to his apartment so she could clean up and rest.

“And I don’t want to see you back here until you’ve showered and gotten some fucking sleep, Gigi. I’m not kidding.” He tried to look stern, but in the afterglow of her excellent nursing care, he had a hard time not looking downright giddy.

Gigi left with Slug and Liz, and the minute they were out of Negan’s earshot she informed them they weren’t going to Negan’s apartment, but going to look over the damage from the grenades, and the two followed her to the south corner of the building, not sure if they would incur more wrath from Negan or from Gigi, should they not follow one of the orders their bosses gave them.

They approached Gigi’s room from the exterior of the building, and their first glance was sobering. There was a two story high, gaping hole in the south wall, with metal, cinderblock and glass strewn in chunks all around the opening. A good part of the room seemed to be fairly intact, due to its size and its sparse steel framework and high ceiling beams. While the east half had no damage other than soot and debris, the living area on the west half had been blasted into rubble of varying sizes. There had been a fire, likely due to some containers of solvents Gigi and Slug had used to clean paint brushes after they’d decorated.

Gigi spotted the Joeys, and Laura working to clear debris close to the exterior wall, along with some of the people from the exchange floor, and she was surprised to see Phil, of all people, in the bucket of a cherry picker which was usually parked in the warehouse. Simon was on the ground watching him as he worked, a walkie talkie in his hand. While the truck was parked at the opening in the south wall created by the explosion, the arm projected inside the room, and her friend was forty feet in the air, making notes on a clipboard. She, Liz and Slug watched as he inspected steel beams for weakness with the aid of a flashlight, and then made more notes. He tied what looked like strips of cloth around a joint which was above what used to be Gigi’s bedroom.

“I guess he knows what he’s doing up there?” Gigi asked Negan’s second in command as she approached him, gesturing to Phil with a tilt of her head.

“He’s marking the beams and joints which need repair,” Simon informed her. “Phil’s an engineer. Used to perform Building Damage Assessments for FEMA. He came to me this morning, offering his services.”

“Any idea yet, how bad it is?”

“He’s actually just about done. Other than a few beams which could use some minor reinforcement, the majority of the damage is to the wall and windows. We should be able to patch things back up to keep the weather out, so it doesn’t corrode the structure, but you’re going to have to find a new room, because it won’t be usable,” he advised her, gesturing to the hole in the wall. “We lucked out this was the extent of the damage … but you didn’t luck out, Gigi. I hope you didn’t have anything important in there? Your stuff is now rubble and soot.”  

“Thankfully, there was nothing of value, Simon.” She had panicked for a moment after things had quieted the night before, when it took her a minute to remember where she’d left her backpack that morning. Relief had washed over her when she had realized it was in Negan’s room. Her family photos and a few personal mementos she had carried in the bag from the start of the apocalypse were priceless to her. The loss of those would have been devastating. She turned to Slug lamenting, “All our hard work. All _your_ hard work. I’m sorry Slug.”

“Seriously, woman? You think I give a flying fig about the work? We were almost blown to bits! I’m just glad we’re both okay.” He pressed his chest into her side, putting his arms around her and planting a kiss on her shoulder. Gigi carded her fingers through the young man’s hair and kissed the top of his head, knowing he was just as shaken as she was to see the damage to her space.

The two of them had been just outside the door to her room when they heard the gunfire. Slug didn’t recognize the threat instantly, but Gigi had and she’d shoved him back in the direction they had come from, yelling, “Haul ass!”. They had both just slipped through the closest set of double doors into the next section of hallway when the explosions rocked their corner of the building.

She’d explained to Negan when he’d questioned her during his verbal breakfast, she had dropped her walkie talkie when she’d jerked Slug around by the shoulders and shoved him into action. The two of them had immediately headed out of the building to see if they could spot the attacker and fight back if needed.  The walkie had been left behind, which was why she hadn’t answered Negan when he’d called to her after the gunfire erupted.

He didn’t understand how the light had gone on in her room right before the blasts, leading him to believe she was in the room when the grenades went off, if she hadn’t gone through the door. Gigi reminded him she had plugged her floor lamp in her living area into a timer, so she wouldn’t get hurt making her way to it in the dark. The timing was off by a half an hour, so it didn’t come on until after dark, instead of turning the light on at dusk as was intended. The decision to install the timer had saved her life, as otherwise Ray would have thrown the grenades when she was in the living area, turning on the lamp.

After Liz and Slug and the one-handed Gigi pitched in to help clear out the remains of her room she finally headed up to Negan’s apartment to shower and rest. Between her lack of sleep the night before, and schlepping the remains of her room to the dump truck which would be used to haul the rubble out of sight, she was beat.

________

“How hard can it fucking be? Goddamnit! Two of you grab the front legs, two of you grab the handles on the back and lift my ass up the fucking steps! Forget it! Just fucking forget it! I’ll walk up the fucking steps myself!” The leader’s yelling could be heard by the entire floor.

The Josephs, Simon and Gavin all stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking at Negan, not sure what to do. They watched as their leader tried to push himself up out of the wheelchair using both hands, and then cursed as pain shot up his injured arm. He regrouped, then tried to stand up using only his legs to propel him upwards out of the chair, but then his left leg protested in a grand way and he sat back down, his frustration with the situation displayed plain as day on his face.

“No! You know what? _You_ will fucking carry my ass!” Negan pointed Lucille at the four of them one by one as he yelled. “That’s what you’re fucking here for, so get my fucking ass up the fucking steps so I can get to my fucking apartment!” The men scurried into position to grab the wheelchair, and after almost dumping Negan forward out of the chair once, they managed to angle him backwards slightly and make their way up the steps to the third floor.

__________

“Pardon my goddamn French, but how many grown fucking men should it take to carry my ass up the steps and down the fucking hall? I could have hopped up the steps and down the hall on my one good leg and gotten myself here in half the time it took you pussies! ” Gigi could hear Negan yelling in the hallway outside of the apartment, and she smirked to herself, glad she wasn’t one of the people trying to help him. “Fat Joseph! Open my goddamn door! And be quiet about it! Gigi might be fucking sleeping!”

“Well if she was, she isn’t any more!” Gigi laughed as she swung one of the doors to his apartment open, taking in the the scene in the hallway in front of her. Skinny Joe was pushing Negan’s wheelchair, the fear of God in his eyes. Fat Joe was anxiously fumbling, trying to find the right key to Negan’s door on the leader’s key ring.  Gavin was carrying Lucille, and a set of crutches he’d brought back from his morning run, looking agitated and somehow bored at the same time. Simon stood with his hands on his hips, eyebrows raised, shaking his head. She looked at Negan’s right hand man with an exaggeratedly puzzled look. “What are you? Moral support?” before she broke out laughing again.

“I think I’m going to be the one who needs moral support after this,” he mumbled, throwing his hands in the air as he turned to walk away.

“I’m glad you think this is so funny!” Negan scolded her as he tried to wheel his way through the door one-handed, getting one wheel caught on the door frame in the process. “Son of a fucker of a whore!” he growled at the wheelchair as he tried to back up and try again with a wider berth.

Gigi walked around behind him, grabbing the handles of the wheelchair from Skinny Joey after patting his hand in support, and pushed the leader through the door. Once he was in the middle of the room, she walked back to gather the crutches, Lucille, and the keys from the men in the hallway, thanking them for their help with a smile and some arm patting and hand squeezing before she shut the door.

Negan stewed as the men’s demeanors changed from flustered to serene at Gigi’s touch, like her aura was fucking infused with Xanax.  “I don’t know why the fuck you are thanking them!” he admonished as she closed the door and turned to him, “They almost dropped and _killed_ me in the stairwell! I’m lucky to be alive, for fuck’s sake!”

“Really? You survived two gunshots last night and a grenade blast, and navigating the steps in a wheelchair was almost the death of you?” Gigi laughed outright at him. “That would be a pathetic way to go, wouldn’t it? Death by wheelchair?”

“I’m glad you find this fucking amusing, Gigi. No! I don’t need your help, smart ass!” he bit at her when she started to maneuver the wheelchair for him.

She stepped back, wanting to kiss the indignant frown off his face. He once again tried to maneuver the wheelchair with one hand, finally figuring out how to turn it towards the bathroom. Once he did he found himself stuck, unable to wheel the chair with only one hand.

“Okay.” _This is priceless!_ Gigi thought to herself as she ignored his plight and moved around him into the bathroom and turned on the shower, adjusting the water temperature. She putzed around for a minute, waiting to see if he would call for her, and then realized she could see him in the bathroom mirror if she stood in the right spot by the sink. She laughed silently, watching him awkwardly try to push at one wheel and then the other using his one good arm, only able to move himself forward an inch at a time or the chair would start to turn. At the rate he was going, it would take him an hour to reach the bathroom. She disrobed, tossing her clothes onto the floor so they would be visible from where he sat.

“Goddamnit, Gigi!” he swore in frustration from the other room.

“Yes, baby?” she cooed at him as she peeked her head around the doorframe, making sure Louise was peeking around the door frame, too. She cocked her head at him in question as he stared daggers at her, frustration radiating off him.

“I need to fucking pee,” he snipped at her.

“And?” she teased him.

He was quiet for half a minute, glaring at her, before he finally admitted, “I need your fucking help.” After she cocked an eyebrow at him, he added begrudgingly, “Please.”

She made a show of clapping her hands in delight as she practically skipped over to him to push him into the bathroom, giggling the entire way.

“Fuck you, Gigi,” he groused.

Gigi’s shower was not the relaxing event she had craved, because once Negan spotted the soot and dirt on her arms he started a loud lecture bemoaning the fact he still expected her to follow his fucking orders, even though they were fucking sleeping together.

He informed her she should have been resting instead of cleaning up from the blast, and wanted to know what she would do if the cut on her hand got infected. It would serve her right if she got the fucking flesh eating bacteria thing and they had to amputate her goddamn arm. “Oh, and I will make you _fucking beg_ me to help tie your fucking boots once you lose your arm, I'm telling you right now!”

Rolling her eyes, she started to soap up using her good hand, keeping the stitched hand above the shower spray while he sat on the closed toilet seat where she'd left him after he relieved himself. He watched her, spewing his discourse. She ignored his tirade and began to sing over him.

_All of these lines upon my face_

_Tell you the story of who I am_

_So many stories of where I’ve been_

_And how I got to where I am_

_But these stories don’t mean anything_

_If you’ve got no one to tell them to_

_It’s true, I was made for you_

Gigi washed her face and hair, pleased he had stopped talking and was simply watching and listening. _Thank God!_

_I climbed across the mountain tops_

_Swam all across the ocean blue_

_I crossed all the lines, and broke all the rules_

_But baby I broke them all for you_

_Oh because even when I was flat broke_

_You made me feel like a million bucks_

_You do_

_I was made for you_

She stepped out of the shower, handing Negan her towel, and stood between his legs so he could dry her off. She hoped if she kept him busy, _and_ sang to him, maybe he’d keep quiet. It worked.

_You see the smile that’s on my mouth_

_It’s hiding the words that don’t come out_

_And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed_

_They don’t know my head is a mess_

_No, they don’t who I really am_

_And they don’t know what_

_I’ve been through like you do_

_I was made for you_

He dried her off gently with one hand, calmed by her fingers running lovingly through his hair. When he finished, she spread a few towels under and around him on the floor and toilet seat and proceeded to undress him carefully to avoid aggravating his injuries. Filling the sink next to him with hot water, she started to bath him.

He was grimy with day old perspiration from his runs to and from the cabins, and still had fragments and dust stuck to his skin and in his hair. And he downright stunk, she smirked to herself.

Surprisingly he didn't protest or want to take control. She was sure he wouldn’t want to be babied. He sat quietly as she lightly lathered his hair with shampoo and then pulled off the excess between the fingers of her usable hand. She admired him as he dropped his head back, eyes closed as she worked, using clean water on a washcloth to rinse the remaining soap from his hair. Excess water cascaded down the defined muscles of his shoulders and chest. _Gorgeous._

Gigi gave his face and neck a light cleaning around his cuts. Cognisant of his wounds, she then used her bare hand to wet his skin and apply soap to his upper body, arms and torso, making sure to tease his nipples, so she could enjoy the sight of his cock growing from flaccid to aroused as she toyed with him.

He hummed in appreciation, as she moved to his side and washed and rinsed his back. Moving back in front of him, she pushed at his ass on his injured side, motioning for him to lean in the other direction. After he carefully cocked himself so she had access, she ran her soapy hand over his ass, and between his cheeks, sliding it down to his balls. Fondling them with soapy fingers, she rolled and tugged them softly. He liked a little tug for a tweak of pain, so she gave them a pull. “Fuck, Gigi,” he panted and groaned as she took her time soaping him up, sliding her slick fingers from back to front teasingly, making sure he was thoroughly soaped and then rinsed and that she teased all the right spots.

 _This is better than any fucking sponge bath porn scenario I could imagine._ He shifted himself so he was sitting straight again, and she bent over him and ran her soapy hand up and down his shaft and around his balls a few times, enjoying the sight of him spreading his right leg apart from the other to make it easier for her.

She cleaned the front and back of his thighs after helping him slide to the edge of the seat so most of his upper legs were reachable. She rinsed them with the clean washcloth as she kissed him softly, grazing her mouth back and forth across his, and lightly dipping her tongue between his lips.

He sat with his eyes closed, savoring the moment as she moved to the sink to rinse her rag and soap it up again. Hearing and feeling her move back in front of him he opened his eyes to watch her as she bent at the waist and cleaned his knees and the tops of his shins, as far as she could reach, before she stood up straight again and looked down at him, pensively. She closed her eyes, and shook her head, breathing deeply. _What the fuck is that about?_ She only did that when she was trying to deal with some bad feelings.

“You okay, Gigi?” he questioned her, perplexed.

She stood there, with her eyes closed for several more seconds before she opened them, and shined her goddamn magic and gold dust all over him with her fucking gaze. Then his beautiful, goddamn brave, unbelievable fucking girl gave him a hesitant smile and very purposefully lowered herself to her knees before him and began to wash his calves and feet lovingly.

“Gigi, darlin’, you …” he began, his voice soft.

“Don't make a big deal out of it, Negan.” she murmured softly cutting across him as she lifted one foot and then the other to wash the bottoms. She was okay. This was okay. But she didn’t want to talk about it. She just needed to do it, lay it aside, and move forward.

As she worked, Gigi suddenly felt his hand gently caressing the side of her neck.

Helping to make it okay.

_____________

_Mom,_

_I am sending this note with one of the people from a new community we found, to attach to our tree so you can find it. He is a really good hunter and tracker so I know he’ll find our tree with my directions._

_The new people seem nice. We have been staying in their community for almost a week now. We met Daryl and Aaron six and a half miles from our tree on Route 66. They saved Stevie’s life, so we are pretty sure they are good people. If they aren't, I didn't want to leave Stevie alone with them to come to find you and would have waited until next time. My gut is telling me they are good, mom. I’m looking for signs of good and bad, and being careful like you taught us._

Gigi couldn’t help but wonder why Stevie wouldn’t just come with Elena. A bit of panic rose inside her, and she started to read faster.

_I don’t know if it’s better than your place, but I have a good feeling about these people. I think we could stay here if we wanted to. Daryl offered to meet you with my note since I didn’t want to leave Stevie alone. He said he didn't blame me. I think that tells you he’s good, right? I’ve told him all about you. He looks a little mean, but he’s really nice, so don’t be afraid of him when you meet him. I’ll tell him our secret phrase so that you know it’s okay to come with him._

_Don’t freak out, Mom, but Stevie got hurt. He's getting better, though! We were running from a couple of crazy people who were after us. Watch out for them when you come to meet us, because they are close by. They have W’s cut into their foreheads and talk like they’re crazy. We had to make ourselves scarce and find a new place to sleep for a month because they started camping in our part of the woods. That’s why we haven’t met you in the last month. We were farther away and had a hard time getting to our tree due to a lot of walkers in the area where we were staying. When we were running from the W men last week, Stevie tripped and fell and broke his arm. The W people caught him and would have killed him if Daryl and Aaron hadn’t killed the jerks first. They brought us back with them so their doctor could work on Stevie. He got an infection which made him really sick, but yesterday his fever broke and he started getting a little better._

_Don’t worry, Mom. (I know you are!) The doctor here says he’s gotten through the worst of it and should continue to get better. It was scary, mom. I thought I was going to lose him. I don’t know how I would manage all alone, without you or him._

_The leader of the community, asked me not to put our location in my note. He wants Daryl to meet you and ask you some questions before he brings you here. They do that with everyone they bring in. I feel like this is a good place, mom. It reminds me of our old neighborhood, and we've met some really nice people. There are some kids our age, and a lady who's always making cookies! COOKIES, Mom!_

_Hopefully you’ll be coming back here with Daryl on Tuesday or Wednesday. It’s a long trip to the tree from this community, by back roads, and depending on how many walkers you run into, the trip could be overnight._

_I love you, mom, and I am so excited we will see you again soon. I miss you so much! Stevie is really weak, but when I asked him if he wanted me to tell you he loves you in this letter, he nodded yes. He really is doing better, mom, really. Don’t worry._

_Love you more than homemade chocolate pudding and pulled pork nachos._

_All is well._

_XOXO,_

_Elena and Stevie_

___________

___________

___________

___________

Gigi smiled at the four horizontal lines at the end of the letter symbolizing "I love you", and at the last line before the signature. All is well was added to the letter to let her know what was written inside was genuine, Elena wasn’t forced to write the positive message. The letter was on ivory stationary which she assumed came from the new community. It was in a matching envelope which had been sealed, inside of zip bag along with a pen. The bag was tied to the tree with some of Elena’s yellow yarn.

On the outside of the envelope, in unfamiliar chicken scratch was a note written with the blue pen from inside the bag: _Sorry - Can’t wait. Herd coming. Don’t worry. Taking good care of your kids. See you in 2 wks if it’s clear._

Gigi assumed the chicken scratch was written by the man, Daryl, Elena had written was coming to meet her. She experienced a profound sense of relief the envelope was still sealed. She assumed Elena was the one who sealed it after she put her letter inside. The man could have easily opened it and read it. The fact he didn't, spoke volumes. Maybe her daughter was right, and they were good people. This Daryl had also taken the time to scratch the date into the tree as Elena must have instructed him. She could only imagine the poor guy as Elena talked his ear off in her teenage fashion as she described how to mark the tree with the date. The thought made her smile.

She pondered it all while she and the Joeys drove back to the Sanctuary. Of course she was heart sick her children weren’t there, but she was relieved and encouraged there was a letter, and they were both alive, if not totally well. Her heartache was amplified at the thought Stevie could have died, at the hands of the W people Elena described, and then again from an infection. This was offset by relief they were now staying in a community, which had a doctor, and she assumed had some sort of barriers to the outside.

Elena didn’t mention whether Stevie’s arm was okay. It sounded strange he had an infection from a simple broken bone. Did he have more injuries than the broken arm, or was the broken arm severe?  She couldn't help but worry about her son, despite Elena’s reassurance he was getting better.

Gigi sat between Skinny and Fat Joe on the drive home the next day, and said a prayer of thanks to God, or the universe, or whatever entity might be watching over them. Her children were okay.

She had never been religious, but every once in awhile she threw a thanks into the hemisphere to let whatever divinity might be out there know she was grateful for everything positive in her life. The fact her children were safe from harm, for the moment, was definitely positive. She just ached to be with them. _Soon_ , she told herself.

The Joey’s had worked their magic and redirected the “herd” Daryl mentioned on the envelope. The word was very appropriate, given what they’d seen when they’d driven over a crest in the road, about ten miles east of their tree. There had to be a few hundred roamers in the distance, covering the roadway and surrounding fields.

While Gigi was worried about approaching them, Joe and Joe were confident about how close they could drive to the swarm. When Skinny Joe finally parked, at the side of the road close to the group, the two of them hopped out of the truck and proceeded to light a single firework which were pointed into the sky beyond the mob. She had watched with fascination as it exploded in the sky, west of the group, and the dead ones all turned and started moving in the direction of the noise and light.

It wasn’t a quick process, by any means, but they moved the herd west slowly but surely. They followed them at a distance, and the Joey’s continued to direct them with fireworks, until they were a few miles west of their tree. They informed Gigi once they checked out the tree, they would continue to follow the swarm for several miles to ensure they continued to move further west.

In thinking about it, she realized the community the kids were staying in must be east on Route sixty six, or the courier wouldn’t have been able to make it to the tree. There were no side roads for this part of the highway. This meant they might be closer to the Sanctuary than the tree itself. She smiled to herself, thinking it was only a matter of time before she could reach out and touch her precious children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't you just see Negan being a total pain in the ass while he's recuperating? And of course our Gigi knows just how to handle him. 
> 
> Chapter Playlist: The Story by Brandi Carlile


	13. Baby Belong To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think you need to come right away, boss. We have a bit of a situation.” Simon hurried up to Negan, interrupting his conversation with Gavin.
> 
> “What kind of fucking situation?” Negan looked at his right hand man with curiosity and a bit of annoyance. Simon wasn't using their emergency lingo, so the problem couldn't be too serious. “You need some help breaking up a drunken brawl?” He joked as he handed Gavin his beer and turned back to Simon, ready to handle the situation.
> 
> “It’s more serious than that, boss,” Simon claimed. “Warrior princess? She seems to have lost her mind. People are getting hurt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up again kittens, shi*'s going down in this chapter! (Because I like to keep you on your toes).
> 
> Happy weekend!

“Who's ready to party?” Gigi yelled to the crowd on the factory floor as she and Skinny Joey stood on the second floor landing, looking at them over a table full of electronic equipment. It had been two weeks since the attempted attack, and everyone living at the factory was ready to unwind at the Factory’s Friday Fiesta. The factory floor erupted in applause, hollers and whistles from the crowd, which included every single person who lived at the Sanctuary, minus those guarding the perimeter. The guards wouldn’t miss much, though. From eight to midnight, there would only be thirty minutes between each changing of the guards, so everyone would get the chance to enjoy themselves at the party, even if those in charge of the welfare of the people weren’t allowed to partake in libations until after their guard shift.  

The attack had been unsettling for everyone. Even though Gigi’s room was the only room that had been fired upon, word quickly spread Buck and his crew had also intended to attack the factory floor, where the workers spent their days and nights. Not only had the people been upset any one of them could have been injured or killed, they were also upset one of the Sanctuary’s own had turned on them. The workers, especially, felt vulnerable, since a group of people higher in the ranks had planned to attack them.

Gigi had spent quite a bit of time, in the days following the attack, trying to convince Negan the divide which existed between the lieutenants, enforcers and workers could work against him if there were ever a larger threat to the Sanctuary. It would be every man or every group for themself since the different groups had no loyalty towards each other. She could tell Negan only partially agreed with what she was saying, not concerned about the possible ramifications until she reminded him workers outnumbered everyone else combined, by four to one. This would make them a threat, whether they had guns or not, if they decided to turn on the higher ups. His resistance had started to crumble at this tidbit of reasoning.

The Factory’s first Friday night party took place two days after the hostilities. Gigi had  convinced Negan to have a happy hour of sorts when the market closed down, which would include everyone, not just the elite. She had wheeled him to the hallway outside of the factory floor where he stood up with help, and Simon and Keno had walked him through the doorway to the edge of the room where he stood, using one crutch for support. He hid his pain, and stood like a pillar of strength in front of his people.

The people of the Sanctuary hadn’t seen the big boss since he had been shot. Rumors had been running rampant about how Negan managed to kill Ray, even after he’d been shot four times, including a shot in which the bullet had nicked his heart. Their superhero had taken out the bad guy, even whilst the life almost bled out of him.

Gigi was upgraded to superhero status, as well, as tales circulated about how she had risen from the ashes of the explosion in her room, to kill Buck in order to save their illustrious leader. Because everyone adored Gigi, questions as to whether the two would find love in the aftermath of the attack swirled around the factory. These questions may have been fueled by Keno, who wasn’t quite sure what was going on between the commander and the big boss, but had no qualms about telling anyone who wanted to know, Negan and Gigi had a serious thing for each other, because he gossiped like a high school girl.

Despite Simon making a positive announcement each day about their leader’s progress, the relief in the room was palpable as the workers and enforcers lowered themselves to one knee when he entered the room. The lieutenants and Gigi’s team had taken up their stance of submission as well.

As Negan scanned the room over the tops of his people’s heads, someone started to clap. Another person joined in, and then another, and within seconds the whole room had erupted in applause and cheers. One of the workers yelled out, “Thank God for you,  Negan!” after which the Psycho Six had started to chant, “Negan! Negan! Negan!” and everyone joined in, the sound of his people's devotion and enthusiasm rising as the object of their allegiance smiled in response. _Fuckin’ A people! And fuck you, Buck! You dead fucking prick._

“Who are we?” he had called to the crowd.

 _“We are the Saviors!”_ the crowd thundered in response.

“What do we do?”

 _“We survive!”_ they roared.

“What else?” Negan challenged.

_“We provide security to others!”_

“Aaaand?”

 _“We bring civilization back to this world!”_ they had chanted in unison.

“One more time, people! _Who the fuck are we?_ ” the leader had yelled ferociously.

 _“We are the Saviors!”_ The room had erupted in deafening applause and cheers, once more.

Negan had quieted the crowd and then went on to talk about the threat which had come from within their own walls. A threat which had killed one of their own! A threat crushed beneath his boot because he and the lieutenants would not let _anyone_ threaten the lives of his people! The room had let out a collective roar of approval.

“We need to celebrate life tonight!”

_Roar!_

“We need to celebrate loyalty!”

_Roar!_

“The celebration starts now! Tequila shots for everyone! No points needed!” Negan had enjoyed the frenzy of excitement in the room for several seconds before he’d put his hands up and signaled for everyone to quiet down. He’d raised his eyebrows at the the hushed crowd, glancing dramatically from side to side before calling out, “As you _fucking were!_ ” to which everyone applauded and yelled their approval once more.

Much to Negan’s surprise, the lieutenants and Gigi’s team had then lined themselves up across the room on either side of him. They each had set a chair in front of themself and they stood behind it with a bottle of tequila with a pour spout from the bar attached. Gigi had taken the lead in motioning Phil to come and sit in the chair in front of her. When he did, she pulled his head back with a hand to his forehead and commanded, “Open up!”. When he had, she poured a shot of tequila into his mouth from six inches above, closed his mouth with a gentle pat under his jaw so he could swallow, and then she’d pushed him out of the chair by the shoulder as she motioned to someone else in the crowd to come forward. The workers had immediately started lining up in front of the different chairs, waiting for their turn at a shot.

 _Smart girl, making sure my top people are the ones to share the gift of tequila with the working class. Fuck, she’s something else._ He’d watched as his lieutenants and Special Ops people joked and laughed with the workers as they plied them with alcohol. After she had poured a half a dozen shots, Gigi turned her bottle over to Fat Joseph, and made her way over to Negan. Tayvon had brought him a bar stool to sit on, and she stood next to him, surveying the crowd for half an hour before she had ordered Tayvon and Keno to help her get him back up to the apartment. She could see the fatigue in his eyes, and she knew he wouldn’t want his people to see him in a vulnerable state. He hadn’t objected.

The second Friday happy hour had turned into a happy four hours, with music blaring from a boombox Skinny Joe had attached to some mammoth speakers. People drank, and people danced, and a good time was had by all. Afterwards, lieutenants, enforcers and workers alike had started asking if the end of week party was going to be a regular thing, and affectionately named it Fiesta Friday.

The Joseph’s and a few of Gigi’s team had made a run into the closest town and scavenged some deejay equipment from one of the nightclubs, and on Fiesta Friday number three, Gigi stood over a set up with two turntables, and crates full of LP’s they’d found in a storage room at the club. It had been years since she’d worked with vinyl, but she got the hang of it again quickly, and Bruce Springsteen’s _Pink Cadillac_ poured out of Skinny Joe’s giant speakers, the volume loud enough to fill the room, but not so loud as to pulse too far outside of the factory walls and catch the attention of decaying ears.

“Now there’s a fucking classic!” Simon chortled as he tossed back a shot of Jagermeister with one of the twenty somethings from the work floor. “A real classic, Marty! Not your generation’s bullshit Justin Bieber type of classic! Right, Gigi?”

“Right, Simon!” Gigi called back over the music, chuckling at the second in command.

Negan had decided, if the Friday Fiestas were going to continue, only a fraction of the Lieutenants and the enforcers would take turns drinking each week, so they would have enough of their fighters ready to react if there was a threat. He had also informed Gigi and Simon they would need to beef up security outside the perimeter to make sure Friday nights weren’t viewed as a weak spot in the Sanctuary’s security.

Simon had decided, since he wasn’t a lieutenant or an enforcer, he had leeway to drink himself into oblivion every Friday, if he so desired. He was on his second shot of Jager and was very relaxed. Life was good.

Gigi searched the factory floor for Negan as she put a new disc on her second turntable, handing the first one to Skinny Joey to put back in the jacket. She spotted the boss man leaning on his crutch, chatting with “laundry woman”, who was known by everyone but Negan as Heather. The woman was practically hanging on him, reaching out to squeeze his arm and pat his chest every few seconds. _Sorry Heather, he’s not looking for any new wives … He just got rid of a few, for that matter._ Negan’s eyes moved around the room continuously as he talked with the brunette, always on alert, and Gigi finally caught his gaze and winked at him after she dramatically looked Heather up and down as the woman poured herself onto the front of him. He laughed, winking back at her, and patted Heather’s hand before he removed it from his sleeve. Using his crutch, he limped away from the pouting woman towards the stairs to the landing.

Knowing it would be difficult for him to maneuver the stairs, Gigi left Skinny in charge of deejaying and walked down the steps to her boss man. “How are you holding up?” she queried, looking in his eyes for signs of fatigue. He was healing well, according to Dr. Carson, his arm strong enough to hold the crutch, for short periods of time, to support his injured leg. His leg was still painful when he moved it or walked on it, so the time he was spending on his feet to attend this party would take its toll on him later. “Don’t worry, Gigi, I’m fine.” he reassured her, discreetly rubbing her lower back as they stood side by side watching the party.

His hand dropped to her ass, caressing the underside lightly. He knew she had a thing for the area on the bottom of each cheek. If he wanted to get her revved up, he simply had to caress, lick or nibble there or the juncture between her ass and her thigh. It was like she had fucking jumper cables running from the bottom of her ass to her clit. _Fuck. I'm getting a hard on just thinking about it. It's time for this party to be over, because I need a fucking piece of ass._

“You think we can sneak the fuck outta here?” Negan leaned in to whisper in her ear as he dug some of his fingers into the crack of her ass and squeezed her cheek.

“Now you're just playing dirty, Negan.” Gigi scolded him as her eyes closed at the feeling of his warm breath on her ear, and his hand teasing her.

He licked her ear with the tip of his tongue before responding, “You should know by now, dirty is the only way I like to fucking play!”

“Are you going to have the energy to play dirty with me later?” she challenged him, teasing, “After wearing yourself out standing on your bum leg?”

He frowned at her, still pissed at himself for fucking falling asleep the last few nights before he had a go at her. _Can a man go through pussy withdrawal? I think I’m feeling a little fucking shaky._ “Don’t you worry, new girl. I’ve got your energy right here.” Negan flitted his eyes down at his crotch, making Gigi break out in laughter.

_____________

“I think I found a new mechanic to replace Ray.” Simon informed Negan as they stood at the edge of the room. Each had an empty shot glass in their hand after polishing off a shot of Jagermeister. Simon was now carrying the bottle and his shot glass around with him so he didn’t have to waste time going to the bar to get another round poured. He also had a few clean shot glasses stuffed in the pockets of his jeans and his button down shirt in case someone else wanted to partake with him.

“Yeah?” Negan responded. “You find someone hiding among the ranks who knows cars?” He was tolerating the shop talk because his pistol had told him she should stick around the party for another hour before he could take her to his room and ravage her, and he didn’t see any point in sitting in the apartment by himself, waiting for her. He straightened and twisted his left arm as he looked at Simon, gently working out some of its stiffness and pain. This pain shit fucking sucked. He wanted it done.

“Nope.” Simon poured himself a fourth shot and drank it down. “One of the new guys. We finally let those new folks, I told you about, out of the isolation room and into general population. One said he spent two years working in his brother’s auto shop, the other is a plumber and handyman.”

“Good to hear they’ll both be useful. Did you tell them the perks of holding a specialized job?” Negan queried as he stuffed his empty shot glass back in Simon’s shirt pocket and patted it before bringing his beer bottle up to his lips to take a drink.

“I filled them in on the lay of the land, gave them a tour. I told them you have final say on their positions after you talk with them in the next couple of days. I know you’ve been busy, trying to oversee everything on part time hours ‘til Carson gives you the green light to go back to full time.”

“Fuck Carson,” Negan cursed. “He said I need two more weeks, at least, but I can at least start looking over some paperwork and talk to these guys while I wait for the green light. I appreciate you keeping an eye on things for me, my man, while I’ve been down.” He clapped Simon on the back and pulled his used shot glass back out of the man’s pocket so they could do another shot together.

“Now you’re talking!”

__________

“I loaned Montell Jordan to Laura,” Gigi told Skinny Joey as she danced behind her turntables, flipping through the vinyls in the crate closest to her. Skinny had been kind enough to organize the twenty crates of albums from the local bar. He separated them into categories of music, and then alphabetized the crates one by one by artist name. He had also taken the time to make an alphabetized master list of all six hundred thirteen albums, and labeled each crate with a number so she could find what she needed, easily. While Gigi greatly appreciated the gesture, she thought maybe Skinny Joe had too much time on his hands when he started explaining how he was going to start using color coding labels as well, on each cover in case an album fell under two different categories.

“I’ll get it! We gots ta play some Montell since Old Man Daniels specifically requested it,” Skinny Joseph offered, in his best street voice.  

“I can’t believe you even went there. You are wayyy too white bread to pull that off!” Gigi teased him, laughing. “I’ll find Laura. I need a break. You can take over while we make a run to her room for the album.” Gigi grabbed her microphone, and gave a little three beat whistle, which was Laura’s call signal, over the Savage Garden tune that was playing at Slug’s request through Skinny’s mammoth speakers.. She then scanned the crowd from her position on the landing and spotted the woman’s fist, raised in the air in response, by the doors leading to the main hallway. As Laura looked up at her, the commander pointed the index and middle finger of her right hand at herself and then to Laura, indicating she would make her way down to her friend.

When she made her way down to Laura, Arat followed them out into the hallway beyond the doors so they could talk without shouting over the music. “Here. Take my key. The album’s still on the record player.” Laura instructed. She and Arat continued talking as Gigi walked down the hall and turned into the stairwell to head downstairs to the lieutenants’ floor.

She wasn’t surprised when an arm grabbed her from behind as she turned the corner into the stairwell, pressing her against the wall next to the steps. His chest pressing into her back, pushing her body into the cinderblock in front of her and trapping her in place a little too roughly, made her body tense. Hot breath on the back of her ear, one finger ran over the bare skin on the back of her neck, downward and into the back of her shirt.

Her breath hitched as she realized this rough stuff wasn’t a game Negan had played with her before, and goosebumps rose on her skin as she simultaneously realized something was terribly wrong. As it traveled, the pad of the finger on her back shifted until the fingernail was traveling down her skin, over her scars, digging into the tender flesh more and more deeply and making it burn, deliberately hurting her as the man’s unmistakable voice behind her questioned, “Miss me, baby?”

 _No, no, no. No! This is NOT happening. Son of a bitch!_ Gigi instinctively tried to turn to face him but his weight on her back prevented her from doing so. _No!_ He was not going to do this. Her anger started to overshadow her panic, allowing the rational side of her brain to take over to formulate a plan.

“Bobby?” she growled at the man behind her. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

______________

“I think you need to come right away, boss. We have a bit of an situation.” Simon hurried up to Negan, interrupting his conversation with Gavin.

“What kind of fucking situation?” Negan looked at his right hand man with curiosity and a bit of annoyance. Simon wasn't using their emergency lingo, so the problem couldn't be too serious. “You need some help breaking up a drunken brawl?” He joked as he handed Gavin his beer and turned back to Simon ready to handle the situation.

“It’s much more serious than that, boss,” Simon claimed. “Warrior princess? She seems to have lost her mind. People are getting hurt.”

“What the fuck?” Negan pushed at his second in command, shoving him back in the direction he’d come from. “Get me the fuck there! Yesterday!” The big boss knew while the man had a sense of humor, Simon wouldn’t joke with him about a matter like this, especially when it came to Gigi.

He limped across the factory floor as fast as his injured leg and crutch would allow, ignoring the pain shooting up his thigh and arm with each step.

The two men could hear the ruckus in the stairwell halfway down the hall, and Negan increased his pace, gritting his teeth in response to his increased pain as he moved. As they entered the stairwell they found Laura, four steps down, her eyes and gun focused on a scene at the bottom of the stairs.

Looking down to the landing between the first floor and the basement, Negan was surprised, and yet not shocked at what he saw. Gigi was bent at the waist, her hair falling forward over her face shielding it from his view. She was leaning over a man who was laying on the floor, hands tied behind his back with a thin woven leather belt he recognized as Gigi’s.

Her bloodied tri blade was in one hand, and the fingers of both hands were twisted in his long hair. She was using it to drag him on his side across the slick tile of the landing, towards the next set of steps which descended to the basement. Arat was backing into the corner of the landing, stepping out of the way while her gun remained pointed at the man on the floor.

The boss could see the man's thigh was bleeding through his pant leg, presumably from Gigi's blade. The prisoner's back was to Negan, so the leader couldn’t tell which one of his people had incurred her wrath. He didn’t recognize the hair, and really couldn’t fucking imagine who it was, and what the hell they might have done to piss Mary Sunshine off to this fucking degree. It must have been something big. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t be using the extreme show of force if the man didn’t absolutely fucking deserve it, not Miss Glitter and Unicorns.

“Gigi?” he tried to get her attention, a smirk forming on his lips. “Sweetheart? Is there something you want to fucking tell me before you proceed with your fun?”

She heard his voice, her head immediately snapping up to look at him, though it took her eyes a minute to focus on his on the landing above her. Her hair was wild, hanging in strands which covered bits of her face.

The smirk immediately left his lips and his nostrils flared as he saw her neck was red and bloody. There was a distinct red hand print on one of her cheeks, while the other cheekbone was swollen and bleeding. Her body was shaking, not with anxiety and fear, but with rage which radiated off of her from head to toe. Shaking so vigorously he could see the curls of her hair bouncing in the air around her face. Her chest was heaving from her current physical struggle, or maybe from the altercation which caused the marks on her face and neck.

“She’s fucking crazy! They all are! Help me out here, man!” Gigi's prisoner implored, trying to look over his shoulder in the direction of the voice from above.

Negan’s eyes never left Gigi’s as he waited for her answer, ignoring the man’s plea. He needed to know what was fucking happening, and he needed to know right the fuck now.

“Negan,” his girl looked up at him, her rage ebbing as her eyes looked into him and explained after several seconds, “meet Bobby.”

____________

The dumb ass hadn’t thought to search her for weapons when he had her pinned to the wall. Cocky son of a bitch must have thought she would be too scared or too stupid to act out against him. Gigi could only hope Laura and Arat were still in the hall as she discreetly unsheathed her tri blade and stabbed Bobby viciously in his thigh. Twisting the blade into his flesh, she let out a guttural yell which matched his, a wordless call for help to the friends she hoped were still close by.

The asshole grabbed her hand holding the blade, and pulling the dagger out of his leg with a yell, he slammed her wrist repeatedly on the wall until she finally cried out in pain, the tri blade dislodging from her grip and skidding across the floor. His hands immediately closed around her throat, and he wrapped his fingers around her windpipe so tightly she could feel his nails digging into her skin as he started to cut off her oxygen. _He is NOT going to do this!_

While he was intent on his task, Gigi reached down behind her, feeling along the side of his leg until she found her mark, and she dug her finger into the hole she had just bored in the muscle of his thigh.

The penetration of his wound did the trick, and Bobby’s hands left her throat. He yelled in response to the pain, and yanked her arm, spinning her around to face him. Drawing back his upper body and his hand, he slapped her with all his strength. Gigi's head rocked to the side from the force of the hit, causing the opposite cheek to slam into the cinderblock wall behind her. She saw stars, her vision blurring as she was momentarily incapacitated, struggling to get her bearings. The two hits to her head were enough to give Bobby the upperhand. A smile crossed his face as he realized she was dazed, and he pushed his body against hers, shoving her back into the wall as his hands circled her throat once more.

“Let her go, asshole. Right the fuck now,” the ominous demand in Arat’s calm voice came from beside them, as the woman’s Ruger hovered a few inches away from Bobby’s temple. Gigi's eyes searched until she found Laura standing a few feet to the side with her handgun aimed at his head as well. She felt some of the fight go out of him, and took the opportunity to shove him away from her forcefully. He stood glaring at her, his hands partially raised in surrender.

Turning to the women, she could see the question on their faces as to what was going on. She looked Arat in the eye, and explained simply, “It’s him.”

It was all she needed to say, and her friend understood exactly what she meant. Though the words had never been spoken, Arat knew what this man had done to Gigi, and she pressed the muzzle of her gun into his temple, using it to shove his head harshly to the side as she muttered through gritted teeth, “Worthless fucking piece of shit! I oughta shoot your fucking balls off!”

____________

Simon heard a commotion as he walked towards the men's bathroom on the far side of the stairwell. There was the sound of female grunting, and then Laura’s voice asking, “Are you sure you want to do this on your own, Gigi?”

This was followed by a man's voice demanding, “What the fuck? Are you just gonna let her do this to me?”

He rounded the corner into the stairwell and stopped dead in his tracks, trying to process the scene in front of him. Gigi was dragging the new guy Bobby down the steps by his hair, grunting with each jerk of her arm, while Arat stood at the top of the steps, and Laura at the bottom, their guns drawn.

“Ladies, do one of you want to tell me what's going on, or is this some sort of kinky foursome thing I should keep my nose out of?” the second in command queried, hands on his hips as he looked questioningly from woman to woman.

As Gigi continued to pull the man down to the next landing, ignoring his groans and yelled expletives, Arat and Laura turned to him and ordered simultaneously, “Get Negan!”

Not comprehending the situation due to his Jagermeister induced buzz, Simon assumed the women needed help getting Gigi under control. He took off in a clumsy jog back towards the fiesta to find his boss.

____________

Negan had been agitated when Dwight and Sherry had aided Tina in stealing his medical supplies and fuel truck. He had been angry when Gigi was attacked on his property. He had been enraged when Buck and his men had killed Mikey. There was not a word to describe the emotion he felt as he started to comprehend the fucker on the floor was Bobby, it was so far beyond the realm of livid.

He tilted his head and squinted his eyes at the figure jerking and twisting on the lower landing in an effort to loosen his binding. The leader breathed a little, “Heh,” and then shifted his gaze back to his girl. She had not released her grip on the man’s hair, and was still bent over him in position to drag him to her destination.

Negan continued to hold her gaze as he handed his crutch to Simon and walked down the stairs, stopping in front of Gigi as the man writhed on the floor between them, her hand and body jerking from the force of each movement. He bent down to her, sliding his fingers down her arms as he moved, gently running them in between hers, loosening her grip on the hair as he continued to hold her gaze, calm affection in his eyes.

He let the man’s head drop to the floor, as his beautiful girl looked up at him with an expression of curiosity, relief and fucking _trust_. Curiosity as to what he would do with the cause of her sleeping and waking nightmares. Relief he was taking over for her. Trust which inspired him to deserve it. Trust which compelled the need to make this right for her. Trust, which dropped a pebble in the boiling sea of his anger about the fucker on the floor, the waves from it rolling outward, pushing at the pliant edges of his self control as he continued to look into her eyes.

Thinking Negan’s gesture was indicative of his disapproval over Gigi’s treatment of him, Bobby breathed a sigh of relief and rolled partially onto his back to look up at the leader. “Thanks, man! Jesus, I thought her crazy ass was gonna fucking….”

Another pebble dropped. The size of the waves increasing, pushing more vehemently at the inside edges of Negan’s contained fury.

He stepped on Bobby’s throat with the heel of his right boot, and leaned forward to put his weight on it, the pain in his injured leg forgotten as he all but cut off the man’s airway, his eyes never leaving Gigi’s. He frowned as she brought one hand up to the side of her face, wincing, and then pressed lightly on her temple on the swollen side of her face. He turned his head slightly towards the asshole, keeping his gaze connected with his girl’s as he warned him, “You need to shut the fuck up _now_ ,” in a reasonable tone of voice.

He moved his index and middle fingers to Gigi’s hair, sweeping it off of her face and behind her ear with a soft smile meant to soothe her. He looked at her carefully, with a well trained eye, worried because she was looking more disoriented by the minute. Still maintaining eye contact, he leaned further into her, putting more pressure on his heel, and felt the man struggle to jerk himself out from under the weight, gasping and gurgling loudly as he struggled to breathe.

As he stood on the man's neck, Negan ran gentle fingers over his girl’s reddened cheek and tilted her head back with one hand so he could see the abrasions on her neck, then gently turned her head to see the bruise forming on her other cheek. His beautiful girl only had eyes for him as he examined her injuries, seemingly oblivious to what was going on at her feet.

“He hit you?” He queried softy, even though he knew the answer. His girl looked at him for several seconds, with a dazed expression before she finally nodded.

Bobby managed to gag out a “Fuck!”, which made her flinch. Negan unholstered his gun with his free hand as he used two fingers to keep Gigi's head turned to his, released the safety, and shifted his gaze just long enough to move his boot off of Bobby’s throat and shoot him in the upper arm.

“I told you to shut the fuck up,” he repeated calmly to the man on the floor before turning his gaze back to his girl. Despite the man’s obvious pain, after his initial yelp, their prisoner stifled his grunts and groans, his very heavy, erratic breathing the only sound in the stairwell.

Negan turned back to Gigi. “What were you doing in the hallway?” he asked her, not caring about the answer, but testing to see if she could answer him properly.

She continued to look at him as her eyes flitted to the left and right slowly as she struggled to find an answer. “Think I … sssaw Laurrra?”

Having coached high school football, Negan recognized the signs of a concussion in his girl's confusion and slurred speech. A huge fucking pebble dropped, creating waves which were now fierce enough to bend and twist the lines which harnessed his self control.

“Arat, Laura,” Negan rubbed his thumb over his girl’s cheek to reassure her while he turned to look at the other two women calmly before he grabbed Bobby by the hair with his right hand, yanked him the rest of the way across the landing, throwing him effortlessly down the next flight of stairs to the basement. “Can you ladies take our friend here to cell number one? I’ll be in Carson’s office with Gigi. Please come in and let me know he’s been secured for the night.” _Fuck. I hope the fall doesn’t kill him. It would ruin all of the fucking fun I want to have with him._

He handed Simon Gigi's tri blade, asking him politely to clean it up and turned back to Gigi, as if nothing were out of the ordinary. The second in command knew the situation was anything but ordinary, and the fact Negan was acting so tranquil did not bode well for the offender at the bottom of the steps. He knew anger festered in Negan and could explode into a fury, making him act out in the most horrific and violent ways, even while he maintained a facade of control, and everyone in the stairwell but Gigi had seen it happen many times. There was obviously some bad history between Bobby and Gigi, added to the fact the man had smacked her around under Negan’s roof. He knew Negan’s calm and Negan’s wrath were proportional, and he'd never seen his boss this serene.

Putting his hand on Gigi's arm for support, Negan asked her if she was okay to walk. She nodded, but when she faltered with her first step, clutching at his side for support, Negan swept her into his arms and carried her up the steps, Simon close on his heels.

Negan was cool as a cucumber as he limped down the first floor hallway, headed to Dr. Carson’s office. “Go get the good doctor,” he ordered Simon calmly. “I hope to fuck he hasn’t been drinking.” Simon headed through the doors to the party, his boss continued to walk in the direction of the infirmary. Phil and bread woman were in the hall, and inquired as to whether Gigi was okay when they saw the battered woman in their leader’s arms. Negan tried to reassure them, as well as himself, by telling them she would be fine, as he continued on his path without stopping. Gigi was holding onto his neck and jacket like her life depended on him, so he stood in the hallway with her in his arms, instead of putting her down to unlock the door to the exam room, maintaining eye contact and murmuring to her to try to keep her focused.

Carson and Simon came hurrying back down the hallway within a few minutes, unlocking the door so Negan could carry Gigi in and deposit her on the exam table while Simon stayed in the hallway, waiting for instruction. “You shouldn’t be carrying her,” Dr. Carson advised his boss.

“Fuck that,” he retorted serenely.

“I’d better have a look at your wounds after I look at Gigi.”

“Fuck that, too.”

The doctor shook his head and started conducting his neurologic exam, using a scope to check her eye response before running her through a series of neurologic tests, asking her to whistle, clench her teeth, smell some rubbing alcohol through each nostril. She could perform each task, but her response was slow to his simple commands, and her speech was still slurred when she spoke. Another pebble dropped as Carson continued his exam.

A rock dropped when the doctor performed a cognitive evaluation, asking Gigi to draw the face of a clock and add the numbers one through twelve in the proper places, and his girl started to cry, confused as to why she couldn’t accomplish the simple task. The doctor assured them both the confusion and her weepiness were results of the concussion.

The door to the exam room was open, and as Dr. Carson worked Negan could see and hear Liz, Tayvon, Slug and Regina wandering back and forth outside the door, talking in hushed voices sporadically while they waited for news about their beloved commander. He wondered whether Simon told them the news, or whether the workers had spread the word. He heard Arat and Laura asking the group how Gigi was doing before they knocked on the door frame. Negan nodded at them to let them know it was okay to report.

“The asshole is in cell number one, Locked in for the night.” Arat informed him. “I think his arm is dislocated or something. He’s boo hooing about the pain in his shoulder. We left his hands tied, just for fun.” She and Laura turned to smirk at each other.

“He asked to go to the bathroom. We told him no,” Laura added, smiling. “Just for fun.”

Arat looked uncomfortable for several seconds, her eyes darting around the room, trying to avoid the leader’s before she stepped further into the room and admitted in a low voice, “I’m sorry, Negan. I screwed up.”

Negan limped the six steps to meet Arat and commanded softly, “Go ahead.”

“I may have kicked him in the nuts with my steel toe boot,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. I knew you'd want to handle him, but he pissed me off …”

Negan put his hand up, signaling for her to stop talking. The corner of his mouth curled up as she squinted at the woman. “Good girl,” he praised, winking at her. “Anything else you need to confess?” The women both shook their heads, and the big boss waved them out of the room and turned back to the exam in progress as they went out into the hall to wait quietly for news with the rest of the group.

A rock dropped when Gigi showed the doctor her wrist, and he announced that it was sprained, and wrapped a wrist brace around it. Another rock dropped when she told Carson her head was very painful, and felt like there was pressure inside. A fucking boulder dropped when Carson examined her physical injuries and Gigi whimpered in pain and flinched when he gently touched and pressed the muscles and bones of her face, and announced he suspected her cheekbone was cracked. He reassured Negan it was a good thing the bones were not pushed out of place but there was significant pain at his gentle pressure to the orbital rim and lateral orbital wall, which he explained, were the bottom and outside wall of her eye socket. The pain, and the bruises forming at the two points suggested a crack or break in the bone.

“He broke her fucking cheekbone.” Negan responded calmly as gargantuan waves of anger from another dropped rock beat at his insides, trying to get out. “Heh.”

Dr. Carson gave Negan instruction on how to care for Gigi, gave him some pain pills, and told him it was fine to take her back to the apartment, and he would come to check on her in the morning. Without hesitating, Negan picked Gigi up to carry her up to the apartment, despite her protests. Everyone watched him murmur in her ear, and a look of contented resignation came over her face as they started to move down the hallway. “Doctor Carson will fill you in,” he called to the growing crowd outside the door as he passed.

Gigi had been fairly quiet throughout Dr. Carson’s exam, but finally spoke up when they reached the landing of the second floor. “Your leg, Negan.” She could feel his limp becoming more and more pronounced as he carried her. His arm must be painful as well. He had been healing well, but still had pain which tended to increase each day by dinner time. It was also too early for the repairs to have fully healed, so he could be doing damage by carrying her the distance to their apartment.

 _Their apartment._ Since the attack, Gigi and her backpack had been residing in Negan’s apartment again, but this time she was there day and night, and they weren't trying to hide it. She’d had some clothes and toiletries residing in the bathroom and dresser since shortly after they’d become intimate which hadn’t been removed when she had started spending more time in her own room. That hadn’t changed. What had changed was instead of taking her backpack with her each time she left the room for the day, it resided in a corner between the dresser and the wall, and its contents had slowly made their way out into Negan’s space. Into _their_ space. There had been no discussion or fanfare about it. It just was. Their apartment. She couldn’t help but smile each time she saw the pack in its new home.

They had settled into life as a couple easily, since they had been pretending not to live as a couple for a few months. Gigi played nursemaid for Negan until he could get around easily without a wheelchair. They had lived in the cocoon of their apartment for two weeks, Gigi only leaving to work with her team for the first half of the day during the week.

“I’m fine, Gigi. We’re almost there.”

She frowned as she tried to put the words together, and they didn’t come easily. “I’m goooing to have Carson loook at you tomorrrow.” She closed her eyes and shook her head, huffing in frustration at the  sound of her impaired speech.

“Yes, bossy,” Negan teased her, ignoring her slurred words and keeping his tone light. Another pebble.

Negan set her on the bed once they entered the apartment, and he slowly stripped her down to her underwear, checking her over for hidden injuries. Carson had only examined her from the arms up, since she hadn’t complained about anything other than her wrist and head injuries. He ran his fingers up and down the front and back of each arm, turning them to make sure he viewed them from all angles. He checked her torso from top to bottom, both front to back. He examined her legs from her thighs down to her toes. He was glad he took the time to look her over when he found one of her ankles was swollen, and was a little bit painful when he rotated her foot gently or put light pressure on it. Gigi was surprised at the finding, unsure when she'd received the injury. He didn’t think there was a break. It was more likely sprained.

Because there wasn’t a self respecting man who could get through a physical exam of their hot girlfriend without feeling her up a little bit, he informed her he needed to examine her for tit and ass injuries. He palmed her cheeks inside of her panties before he placed a kiss at the top of the crack of her ass, then suckled Thelma and Louise for several seconds each. She laughed at his antics, before frowning from some pain, so he tucked her into bed with her foot propped on a pillow, bags of ice he gathered from the mini fridge strategically placed on her various injuries.

“Is it sssafe?” she worried out of the blue, looking up at him after she settled in with confused, anxious eyes. “Did we handle him?”

“Yes, you’re safe, Gigi. I’m handling him.” Another rock dropped as he reassured her gently and she immediately relaxed, smiling at him. Trusting him. He gave her a pain pill and some water to wash it down. “Get some rest.” He sat on the bed with her, raising his index finger to her forehead and ran it up and down to soothe her into sleep.

____________

As had become a habit since they’d been together, Negan found himself sitting in the far corner of the couch, a bourbon in hand, watching Gigi sleep in the dim light of the alarm clock on her nightstand. Carson had instructed him to wake Gigi every two to three hours to check on her mental status. If she couldn’t bring herself out of her sleepy fog, or couldn’t answer a simple question, the leader should send someone for Carson right away.

Down on the lieutenants’ floor, Fat Joey was dozing with his walkie talkie on, just in case his friend Gigi needed him, and Negan called for him to run for Doctor Carson in the middle of the night. It was a duty he took very seriously. He hadn’t slept much, afraid he would miss Negan’s call.

Each time Negan woke Gigi, it was the same thing. He would turn on the bathroom light so he could see her eyes, and shook or touched her gently, talking to her softly to ease her out of her sleep. When she opened her eyes and seemed to shake off some of her sleep, he would ask her if she had any pain, and then ask her to tell him where. Each time she answered that her head, wrist and ankle hurt. Then he would tuck the covers back under her chin and she would ask him worriedly, “Is he gone?” She could remember Bobby had hurt her, but she was confused about the details.

“He can’t hurt you, Gigi,” Negan reassured her each time, patiently. “I’ll always save you from harm.” Each time he reassured her, she smiled at him and he could see the trust he wanted to deserve. It felt like he had failed her. He couldn’t tell her he would always keep her safe, because he had failed fucking miserably at the task this time. While his rational side knew there was no way he could have kept her from harm earlier that night, short of keeping her on a leash, the pussy whipped man who loved the spitfire in his bed was more than a little fucking pissed that her depraved fucking tormentor had stepped foot on his property and had even had the chance to get near her. Pissed he hadn’t been there to stop the struggle before it happened. He hadn’t questioned her yet about exactly what had happened, but the thought she might have been afraid or panicked, and the picture of the fucker strangling and beating her was too agitating for him to think about.  

So, he sat in the corner of the couch, drinking his bourbon to calm his mind at four in the morning because he couldn’t go back to sleep after the last time he had woken her. He hoped the bourbon, and some ibuprofen would take the edge off of the pain in his leg. His arm wasn’t fairing too badly, but his leg was loudly protesting it’s workout earlier in the evening. As he finished off the last of the bourbon, Gigi rolled over in bed. She cried out, bringing her hands up to her head, and whimpered when she was a little too rough touching the rim of her eye in her sleepy daze.

He set his empty bourbon glass on the coffee table and turned on the bathroom light again before sitting on the bed next to her and gently brushed some hair off of her forehead, careful not to touch anywhere near her eye, since she was still frowning in pain.

Fuck if her frown didn’t just about disappear when she opened her eyes at his touch and registered him, and a smile crept onto her lips and up to her eyes despite her pain. And it was all for him.

He was going to fucking kill Bobby. That was a given. And it was going to be fucking ugly. That was a given, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a moment, and are so inclined, please let me know your thoughts. I ain't too proud to beg, sweet darlins. :0)


	14. Help Me Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was as if she had a fucking list of different ways to get them both off, and then she seemed to cross reference them for new combinations. The list of combinations was endless. And that was just the tame shit. He was happy as a fucking baby duckling to follow Momma duck blindly across the highway, because some of the shit she came up with blew his horny goddamn mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW my lovelies. I thought that Negan Gigi needed some fluff and smut, after all of their trauma and angst, and this chapter turned into Smutfest 2018. Hope you enjoy it!

Knowing Bobby wasn’t going anywhere, Negan set his sights on taking care of Gigi for as long as she needed him. Or, as long as he could tolerate being cooped up in the apartment without sex as incentive to stay there. He had to be honest with himself. He knew his limitations, and he’d barely made it through three days of his own recuperation before he’d become antsy and insisted he needed to get back into the swing of things with running the Sanctuary.

His wily girl had promised him two orgasms a day if he stayed put, which was all the incentive he needed to relax in the apartment as Carson had suggested. They’d been great fucking orgasms, too. No _hurry up and get it over with_ hand jobs for his girl. No fucking sir. She’d run a gamut of sexual activities to keep his restlessness to a minimum. Give a kid a fucking lollipop and he’ll sit all fucking day for you. Negan’s lollipop just happened to taste like pussy. It was clear it wasn’t a fucking hardship for Gigi to keep her promise, either. She had admitted to him after the fact it was the best two weeks of her life, sexually. Every time Negan had an orgasm, Gigi had an orgasm, no matter who made it happen.

“Let’s try something,” she’d said to him one night, when it was time for orgasm number two. He’d instantly perked up, knowing exactly what the phrase meant because she used it often. It was his _favorite_ fucking phrase because it meant they were going to try something new to them.

He’d been sitting on the couch watching _Die Hard_ on VHS when she’d come out of the bathroom after her shower. Standing in front of him, she dropped her towel, turned her back to him, then bent over and pushed her pussy and ass back into his face.

“Something for you to have a little fun with,” she’d suggested, reaching between her legs to push his hand from his thigh towards his cock. It was hot as fuck, when she did shit like that. Shoving her pussy in his face, out of nowhere. It made him crazy with lust and she fucking knew it.

He had no fucking problem admitting to himself he was her bitch in the bedroom when she wanted him to be. Not that he wasn’t in charge, and ninety five percent of the time the dominant partner, but she often came up with their playlist, showing him or telling him what she wanted and letting him play it out.

It was as if she had a fucking list of different ways to get them both off, and then she seemed to cross reference them for new combinations; her hand on his dick while his hand was on her pussy, his hand on his dick while her fingers were in her pussy, her mouth on his cock while he fondled the girls, her hand on his cock while he fondled the girls, and so on. The list of combinations was endless. And that was just the tame shit. She had introduced him to all sorts of shit he'd never tried before. He was happy as a fucking baby duckling to follow Momma duck blindly across the highway, because some of the shit she came up with blew his horny goddamn mind.

It had started off as a necessity, her calling the shots, so they could both be sure she was comfortable with what they were doing. But in the end it boiled down to the fact she was fucking creative as hell, and open to just about anything, as long as it wasn't demeaning. He fucking worshipped her ass because of it. So much so, one night after his third glass of bourbon, he’d even admitted how much he worshipped her. “Gigi, you are a fucking mecca to me," he confessed in a whisper, very seriously, his expression full of wonder, after which she'd jumped his ass.

She’d revealed the next day it was the most romantic and precious thing anyone had ever said to her, because she knew he was _bourbon_ honest when he said it. Alcohol was like a truth serum, and being considered his holiest place of worship was pretty lofty, in her opinion. She followed her verbal appreciation of his sentiment with her “good boyfriend blow job”, which included tugging on his balls and massaging his prostate until he came all over her chest. She’d even hummed her approval as he rubbed his dick around in the spunk as he came on Thelma and Louise’s rosy peaks, fucking awesome girlfriend that she was.

On the night she’d turned off Bruce Willis and bent over in front of him, he’d licked and sucked at her pussy and her ass until she’d pushed him off of her to use her own hand to circle her clit. She’d reached between her legs and motioned for him to give her his hand. “That’s my good arm, darlin’, I won’t be able to jerk…” he’d started to protest.

“Tough,” she interrupted breathily, grabbing his index finger and moving it to the pucker of her ass.

“Fuck, Gigi!” he groaned excitedly at the prospect of what she was offering, “Really?”

“Get to work, Negan.” his bossy girl ordered, and proceeded to school him on exactly what she wanted him to do.

“Oooh. Yes, ma’am!”

“Wet your finger on my pussy,” she’d instructed as she’d lifted her fingers from her clit and had swiped them across his mouth, leaving a glistening trail of sumptuous smelling goodness on his upper lip. _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ She’d smirked at him as he’d followed her hand with his lips, trying to suck her fingers into his mouth. When he’d failed he’d settled on licking his lips enthusiastically.

“Inside or out, your choice. Make sure it’s good and wet.” She’d panted as he’d circled her clit a few times, then dipped his finger inside her to be sure it was nice and soaked. “I don’t know if it’s wet enough, Negan. Maybe you should use a little spit to make sure there’s enough lube.” He had a thing for spit play, sometimes spitting on her clit or on a nipple, just because he liked the sight of it marking his territory. It wasn’t something she’d been into before, but the more he did it, the hotter she found it.

She chuckled as she looked over her shoulder at him as he processed what she was telling him. He whispered a “fuckity, fucking, fuck!” and then leaned closer to spit right on target. He’d groaned out a string of fucks of various lengths and tones which went on for half a minute as he watched his own saliva slide down over the puckered muscle and onto her folds. Then he proceeded to swirl it around with his tongue and finger, insisting he needed to be sure she was evenly coated. He just about giggled in delight in the midst of his fun as he looked at her with a huge ass grin and asked, “You know I fucking love you, right Gigi?”

“I do, Negan,” she panted at him. “Although it would be nice if you mentioned it to me more often when you weren’t looking at my crotch or my ass.”

“Hey! Don’t exaggerate. You know I’ve said it while I’m looking at Thelma and Louise, too.” He laughed at his own joke as she shook her head, reaching back to slap him playfully on the side of his head.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re downright romantic. I’m such a lucky girl. Now be quiet and run your finger around the rim with a little pressure.”

“Yes ma’am!” he’d answered enthusiastically, doing exactly as she’d ordered, listening to her gasp and moan. His girl was into ass, no two ways about it.   _And I am a_ _happy fucking little duckling._

“Do you want to finger my ass, Negan?” she’d asked over her shoulder.

“Now I think we both know that’s a ridiculous fucking question, Gigi,” he’d chided, moving his finger to the center of her pucker and putting a little bit of pressure on it as he groaned. “Fuck, yes!”

“I’ll let you do it if you ask me nicely.” She’d laughed out loud at the look of pure joy and concentration on his face as he played with her. “I know you’ve wanted to get in there for awhile now.”

She had been like a fucking gatekeeper where her ass was concerned, and it had been locked up tight and guarded, with no chance of entry until that moment. He had given her a hard time about the fact her fingers were always in his ass, and what’s good for the fucking gander should be good for the goddamn goose. She had gently conceded she hadn't realized she was being so selfish, and would stop massaging his prostate since he felt so strongly about it. The prospect had shut him up indefinitely about the matter. _Because I’m as whipped as a fucking potato._

He hummed in approval as he watched her hole clench in front of him, moving the tip of his finger, and he could feel his cock leaking on his belly at the prospect of finally gaining access to his absolute most favoritest part of her. “Please may I put my finger in your asshole, Gigi?” he asked politely, nibbling on the bottom of one of the cheeks of her ass for good measure, then licking it with a broad tongue while she squirmed and panted.

He honestly hadn’t known which was hotter, the thought of the act itself, or the two of them talking about it in detail. He fucking _loved_ when she talked dirty to him. “Fuck me all to fuck. That _sounds_ so fucking hot,” he murmured with his lips against her skin.

“Because you’re being such a good boy, you may.”

He almost thanked her for her permission. _Pussy boy. Maybe I shouldn't be so eager to be her fucking bitch. A man has to keep some of his fucking self respect._ The sensation of pushing his finger slowly into the tight as fuck heat of her ass made his cock jump, and when she’d started playing with her clit again as he worked his finger in and out, he wondered if he could come just from the sight and feel of it all. _Fuck it. I want to be her pussy boy bitch for the rest of my fucking life._

“Try rolling your wrist,” she suggested, so he did while he moved his finger slowly in and out, spitting on her opening again to add more lube. Then he scrunched his nose up at it and gave it a mock shiver, as if he was having his own private conversation with it. He moved his wrist as she requested, the motion rotating his finger to push against the rim as he moved, making her cry out loudly with each turn. The sounds of her moans and “fucks” and then the keening of her orgasm after less than a minute had made him squirm in his seat. She lowered herself onto his good leg and ground her clit into his thigh as she came, as he lightly jerked himself with the hand of his injured arm.

“Move your ass forward,” she’d commanded as she calmed, so he’d slid himself forward and laid back on the couch cushions. She’d proceeded to slide down on his cock, and rode him from her squatting position above him, careful not to hurt his bum leg. He’d come like a fucking freight train, a few minutes later, his finger still in her ass.

“Come here and let me tell you how much I fucking love you now, since I'm not looking at your pussy,” he insisted, turning her to face him on the right side of his lap and cupping her chin with his palm to pull her in for a kiss, his fingers splayed across her jawline.

Gigi was just about to give him a hard time about his choice of wording when he brushed his lips along hers gently and then smiled at her softly. “I love you, Gigi.” She relaxed into him, nuzzling her nose into the sweaty crook of his neck.

“I fucking love you, too, Negan,” she teased.

He’d been disappointed when, a few days later, she’d explained as much as she had enjoyed it, she didn’t want his finger in her ass every time they fooled around, because some days just weren’t good “ass days”. Whatever the fuck that meant. But he’d take it when he could fucking get it.

While she loved guiding their play, and telling him exactly what she wanted, she really got off when he totally took charge of her. He would get her going by kissing her breathless, loving how she fucking melted at his touch and his kiss like he was the cat’s fucking pajamas, always looking a bit dazed and overwhelmed when he finally pulled his lips from hers, which inflated both his ego _and_ his dick.

He would continue to go at her, without pause, enjoying how he could make her whimper and cry out with shows of strength and dominance. He knew exactly when and how to use her favorite moves to get what he wanted from her. For instance, if he wanted a piece of ass in the morning when she was hurrying to leave to work with her team, insisting she didn’t have time, he would simply get naked and come up behind her while she brushed her teeth, reach around her and cup her pussy over her panties. He'd dig his fingertips firmly up between her lips through the fabric and run his middle finger in tiny circles on the tip of her clit. She’d try to concentrate on her task, but would inevitably end up fumbling to rinse and put her toothbrush down soon after he started his sensual assault.

Within half a minute he could feel her wetness soaking through her underwear. He’d slide his fingers up into the leg of her panties, and he would watch as she’d throw her head back onto his shoulder with her heavy-lidded frown, trying but unable to keep eye contact with him in the mirror as her eyelids dropped closed at the sensation. It was all kinds of fucking hot, in his book. That and the way she’d continue to spread her feet further and further apart, just fucking inviting him to slip his fingers inside her as her hips rotated in small circles against his fingers, her ass grinding into his cock.

He would slide her underwear down to her thighs once he could feel she was soaked, and slide his dick home, pounding into her and manipulating her clit as he watched both of them in the mirror. He did all of the work, from start to finish, and after they both came, he'd just walk out of the room, leaving her panting.

A few times he'd left her hanging after he got off, pulling out of her and walking out of the room, grinning from ear to ear when she whined and huffed in his wake. The first time she’d dressed and left the apartment with a scowl, but then dragged him back to the apartment at noon for a lunchtime quickie.

When he came and went, so to speak, for the second time, she had thrown herself down in one of the chairs across from him as he sat on the couch drinking his morning coffee. Spreading her legs by draping one over each arm of the chair, she proceeded to ignore him as she masturbated in front of him until she came. He’d actually wished he hadn't already come, because seeing her play with herself made him want to fuck her into tomorrow.

She loved his bathroom grab and go so much, she had confided, she’d gotten to the point where she found herself waiting for him each time she brushed her teeth, and often got wet with anticipation. _Because I am a fucking rock star!_

When they had more time, a show of strength and dominance was all it took to make her putty in his hands. He could make her lose her mind by backing her into a wall, and then looking her in the eye, he would grab both of her hands with his and then whip them up over her head and press them firmly in place on the wall with one of his. Then he’d tease the holy fuck out of her.

After the day she’d made him beg for his own fucking orgasm in her room while she fingered his ass, he spent a few days coming up with his oh-so-sweet revenge. Since the tactics blew his mind as well as hers the first time he’d tried them, he’d marked them as favorites in his bag of tricks. And it never fucking got old, both her responses to his erotic taunting, and the fact he got so fucking worked up from teasing her. Listening to her whimper, and watching her longing and frustration physically radiating off her when he denied her, jacked up his dick like a hit of fucking intravenous Viagra.

“Do you need to use your safeword, Gigi?” he brushed his lips across hers lighty, and could feel her fingers clutch harder at his above her head as she moved her mouth towards his, desperate to make contact with his lips, her hips pushing towards his as he moved them away, trying to feel him. Because he'd allowed her no contact other than his hands on hers and his lips barely skimming across her from head to toe.

She moaned, and huffed, and whined, especially when he'd ghosted them over her nipples, poking his tongue out to circle them lightly.  She'd whimpered and cried out when he'd left her hands on the wall above her head and dropped to his knees, gently pulling at her labia with his teeth and poking his tongue in between in search of her clit. He sadly couldn’t reach it in her upright position with her feet on the floor. Not that he hadn’t tried his very, very fucking best for fifteen minutes. Maybe it didn't help when he’d pushed her feet close together on the floor and ordered her not to move them ... or her hips. _So fucking sad for her that my tongue couldn’t quite reach her clit._

It was to her detriment he had the patience of a fucking saint. He had spent the last forty five minutes running his lips over her face and her body, undressing her one piece of clothing at a time and touching every square inch of her with his clean shaven face. Because he owed her, from the night of the pool tournament. They'd gotten so caught up in other things he’d never fulfilled her wish. He was trying to fucking fulfill it now. Sort of. He suspected his torment was not quite what she had in mind.

He ghosted his lips over hers, whispering sweet nothings against them, and brushing his lips lighter than a feather across her deliciously full mouth as she pouted in protest because he was denying her most favorite thing. His kiss.

He was pleased as fucking punch at her response to his query about needing to use her safeword. She shook her head vehemently, knowing if she used her safeword, his deliciously sinful torment would end.

The rules of the game were simple. Her hands had to stay above her head, whether his hands were holding them in place or not. She needed to follow his orders, and last, she was not allowed to come until he gave her permission.

His one hand was still holding hers above, while his other hand was between her legs, soaked with her excitement, his index and middle finger crooked inside of her, intermittently rubbing her g spot very slowly and lightly. She was twitching and writhing as she tried not to move to create the friction she desperately needed, because he had ordered her to stay still.

He could tell she was close to her limit. She was either going to use her safe word, or she was going to beg him for permission to come. Which might be a good thing, come to think of it, because he _really_ needed to fuck her right now.

He took great pleasure in the fact he could feel her body vibrating from head to toe. He lightly stroked her g spot three times, for the first time in several minutes, as he rubbed her clit with his thumb. Her chest was heaving, and her expression was pained as she looked at him, begging him with her eyes. He could feel her thighs quivering on either side of his hand and he chuckled at his own prowess as she cried out what sounded like a sob. _Yes fucking ma’am!_

He trusted her to use her safe word if she needed, but couldn’t help but search her eyes, to make sure she was okay. She held his gaze, letting him know she was fine and was simply immersed in their game. He continued to stroke her g spot and clit as he teased his lips across hers once and then pressed them to the corner of her mouth, unmoving.  She cried out again, this time in frustration and she pushed him away with her chin, breaking the contact in a show of defiance.

The remorse on her face after she did it was priceless as he pulled back from her, raising one eyebrow at her. “Now, Gigi, that wasn’t very polite.” His fingers had stopped their motions as he admonished her, making her whimper, her head dropping forward for a moment before she looked up at him again.  

“I’m sorry,” she acceded. He smirked at the misery in her voice. Negan watched as a single tear of frustration rolled down her cheek, and he knew it wasn’t a result of feeling contrite about being rude, or because he’d stopped caressing her. Or that she was distressed in any way. He knew his girl well enough to know she was simply upset she had broken the one point of contact she was most desperate for. The fucking touch of his lips. He knew it because she had begged him to kiss her several times already, making his fucking head spin while he denied her. _I love the goddamn fuck out of that shit!_ The fact that she craved the simple act of affection from him was a serious fucking boost to his ego. His dick liked it, too.

“My poor girl,” he cooed at her, taking pity on her after he had teased her for almost an hour. He pressed her into the wall with his body, moving his hand back between her legs as he kissed her, hard and dirty, reveling in her keening on his lips as he overwhelmed her with his sudden presence all over, and inside her.

“Should I let you come, Gigi?” he murmured against her lips as he rubbed her g spot more forcefully, then pulled his fingers out of her to circle her clit.

“Ahh! Yes, Negan. Please?” she whispered pathetically, which just tickled his fucking balls. This beautiful fucking creature was begging him. Begging _him_.

“You know what you need to say to get my permission, Gigi.” He peppered her face with kisses, listening to her whimper repeatedly in response to the desperately needed affection. He increased the speed and pressure on her clit, as she nodded in response to his demand.

“Yes, sir.” His girl looked up at him as she pushed herself into his hand, very seriously reciting the mantra he had fed to her before they started their play. “Negan is the master of my universe.”

“Am I really, Gigi?” he side-eyed her as the pace of his fingers increased in its pursuit of her climax.

She began to wail with his strokes, her hips pushing into his hand, moving against him as she nodded, breathing out a ‘Yes! Fuck! Please, Negan?’”

“Good girl. You can come for me, Gigi,” he demanded, as he felt her hurtling towards the edge.

“Fuck, Negan!” she swore as she dug her nails into his fingers above them. Her body spasmed and her legs suddenly buckled, her eyes going wide with surprise as she lost the strength in them. Before she could even start to fall, the master of her universe had swept her up into his arms and had limped to their bed where he laid her gently. He crawled over her, knowing she needed him close after their intense play, and he kissed her softly while she tried to pull out of her dazed state. “Need you,” she whispered in his ear as he kissed down the side of her face, and he felt her fingernails scratching at his hip bones as they tried to pull him into her.

He slid inside her smoothly with a groan, and pushed up on his hands to look down at her as he moved in and out of her. She was completely, beautifully wrecked. Her hair was disheveled and splayed on the bed around her and her chest was still heaving from her orgasm. Her arms were thrown up over her head on the mattress as if her muscles hadn’t realized their game was over and she could lower them. She watched him lazily as he moved inside of her, her toes tickling the back of his calves then moving up behind his knees as she spread her legs for him. She wrapped them around the small of his back for several strokes before she bent her knees and pulled them up towards her chest, gripping the outside of his arms with them, opening herself up to him and inviting him deeper.

Negan knew he’d never felt anything better than his cock pumping in and out of her, and his balls grinding into the bottom of her ass, all displayed for his viewing pleasure underneath him. He couldn’t pull his eyes away, and he watched as they joined and slid almost all the way apart, and then joined again.

He glanced up from his show to find her watching him, her lips curled up into a smile as she felt his pace quicken. She lowered her legs back around his waist, and reached up behind his neck to pull him down to her for a kiss as he started to push deeper into her, snapping his hips the way she liked, her self absorbed prick.

“Show me what I do to you, Negan,” she ordered, raising her head to kiss him deeply, sucking and nipping at his bottom lip as his breathing and the thrusts of his hips became hard and fast. He melted down into her in response, resting more of his weight on her and burying his head in the crook of her neck. “Come for me. Do it!” she ordered, reversing their power play. She sealed the deal with a firm bite to the sensitive skin right below his ear as she reached between them and grabbed his nipples, twisting them roughly, as he liked.

“Fuck me to hell! Gigi! Fuck!” he growled, snapping his hips into her a few more times, pushing hard and deep as they both groaned at the sensation. He grunted as he climaxed, kissing her as his cock pulsed inside her, listening to her moan in appreciation of the feeling of him throbbing against her inner walls.

He turned into a big romantic wuss when she smiled at him then with her beautiful eyes, and ran his fingers through her hair, and his lips all over her face and down her neck. Her hum of approval and the sudden clutch of her fingertips on his shoulders spurred him to truly fulfill her wish of feeling his lips all over her, while he still panted from his climax. He took his time doing it, driven to please her, to show her how he worshipped her as she caressed every part of him that she could reach, with her hands.

He didn’t know what it was, but that night had bound them together tighter than they had ever been. Something was different.  He didn’t know if it was the total vulnerability and trust she willingly handed to him as he dominated her when they played, or his appreciation of the fact every sensation, visual and tactile he experienced while he fucked her, was so unique and so new to him. He knew he'd never felt them with anyone before, and he wondered if he could ever feel them with anyone besides his girl. It was fucking powerful. And more than a little fucking scary for the man who was the self proclaimed Master of the Universe, in and out of the bedroom. Not that he would tell her it was scary. He had to keep some of his power, for fuck’s sake.

The next morning, before Gigi woke up, Negan had limped down to his remaining wives’ rooms and informed them, if they hadn't already figured it out, he wouldn't be back to spend time with them. They could keep their bedrooms and living area to use, since they had been his fucking favorites, after all. He'd find them some sort of work to do befitting their privileged position, and oh yes, they could see whoever the fuck they wanted since their agreement had ended.

Two days later, Bobby attacked Gigi.

_______

Negan was relieved when Gigi woke up the day after Bobby’s abuse, and her speech was no longer slurred. He had let her sleep until one o’clock, hoping sleeping late would help make up for the fact he had woken her every few hours during the night.

He immediately called for Dr. Carson to come look her over and for someone to bring her breakfast. He gave her another quick exam himself while he waited for both, asking her simple questions to gauge whether she was still confused. She was definitely sharper than the night before, but the details around what happened with Bobby were still unclear to her. He knew it was typical with a concussion, to forget the events surrounding the physical trauma. It would come back with time. In this case, it was almost better Gigi didn’t remember. He knew she would be more rattled today, emotionally, if she did.

She was obviously still in pain, her wrist and cheek more swollen than the night before, and the bruising around her broken cheekbone was now a heinous shade of purplish black. Dr. Carson examined her injuries after he arrived, including her ankle. Luckily, he felt the ankle sprain was minor and would heal quickly. He informed them Negan could let her sleep without waking her, starting immediately. She needed bed rest and limited visual stimulation to allow her brain to rest and her concussion to heal.

The doctor looked over Negan’s thigh and arm after Gigi insisted the boss be checked out, stifling his protestations with one raised eyebrow and a tilt of her head. He was far enough along in the healing process that carrying Gigi would likely only cause inflammation of the stitched muscle, in turn causing pain. The boss man wouldn’t admit to anyone that his thigh had been screaming at him when he woke up that morning, and the ibuprofen he took didn’t quite manage the pain. Dr. Carson’s reassurance that he hadn’t caused damage to either appendage allowed Gigi to relax about the matter.

When Fat and Skinny Joey showed up at their door ten minutes later with two trays of breakfast foods, Negan ordered Carson to “get out now”, in his eloquent way. He tried to take the trays of food from the two arrivals and close the door, but Fat Joey was assuming they’d be invited in and had a foot over the threshold, asking how Gigi was doing, before the boss could shut them out. When Gigi heard Joey’s voice, and saw his chubby leg at the door way, she beckoned her friends in, “Come on in, guys!” much to Negan’s chagrin.

“Are those blueberry muffins?” Gigi inquired softly as she eyed the two trays of food, sliding to the middle of the bed and patting the mattress beside her.

“Yeah. Sorghum and blueberry. Maria’s mom made them specially for you, early this morning, when she heard you were hurt last night.” Skinny Joe informed her.

“She was sorry she couldn’t deliver them herself …” Fat Joe started.

“...but some new produce arrived from a tribute and she had to do inventory.” Skinny finished. “Chef Charlie made you some of his special scrambled eggs…”

“The ones with the smoked gouda…” Fat Joey uncovered a plate full of eggs, eyeing it longingly.

“...and sent you the last ten strawberries he’d been hoarding for himself.”  Skinny Joey disclosed. “Everyone’s worried about you, Gigi.”

“No one sent me any fucking eggs with smoked gouda and made me fucking muffins when I was laid up!” Negan rolled his eyes across the room where he was keeping his distance from the unwanted visitors.

“I’m cuter than you,” Gigi cajoled. “And also nicer. Here.” She held out a muffin blindly in his general direction as she looked over the rest of the contents of the trays trying not to make any quick movements which would cause her head pain to flare. “Did you guys eat yet?”

Before Negan could bitch about it, Skinny Joey was sitting at her feet, leaning against one of the bedposts, and Fat Joe had pulled up one of the chairs from the living room, and there was a picnic going on. On their fucking bed. Jesus Christ. But his girl looked happy, even if her face was a fucking mess, which was all that mattered after what she’d been through the night before.

“Negan, there’s a smoothie! With coconut milk!” Gigi tasted the drink and softly called over to him after he sat back down on the couch with his muffin. “Loud noises hurt my head,” she explained to the Joes, before she looked back at Negan and questioned, “You want it?”

“Fuck this is good!” the boss announced after a bite of muffin, getting up to grab the beverage she was offering. He didn’t know how Charlie did it, but he could make kale, carrots and some fruit into one tasty fucking drink.

Five minutes later there was another knock at the door, and Negan was annoyed as fuck when Fat Joey got up and answered the door, announcing, “It’s Slug and Liz!” He realized he was being loud and lowered his voice. “Come on in, guys! She’s doing great today. You just have to be quiet,” he motioned with his fingers spread, palms facing the floor, as if telling someone to quiet down.

“Hey sweetie! We just wanted to see how you’re feeling today. Ooooh. That looks like it hurts!” Slug commiserated in a hushed tone, touching his own face as he looked at Gigi’s swollen, black and purple cheek.

“And Doctor Carson asked us to bring this to you, Sir.” Liz approached Negan where he sat on the couch.  “He said it’s the salve he mentioned to you?”

“The one the herb lady makes?” Negan questioned with interest.

“Herb lady?” Liz looked at him, confused.

“Peggy,” Gigi translated quietly, holding out her bowl of strawberries to the newcomers. “At the herbs table.”

“Strawberries!” Slug gushed in a half whisper, “I haven’t had a strawberry in ages!” He grabbed the bowl from his friend and bit into the biggest one. “Oh my god! This is amazing!”

Negan took the jar of what looked like green and yellow goop from Liz, and walked towards Gigi on the bed. He stopped in front of Slug, who had finished his first strawberry while he passed one to Liz, and picked up the last one to finish off the bowl. Before he could put it in his mouth, Negan grabbed the young man’s hand and took a bite out of the strawberry it held, winking at Slug as he did it, and making him blush. Gigi had confided to Negan that Slug had a crush on him, so the boss took it upon himself to tease the young man whenever he had the chance.

“Negan, don’t tease my Slug,” Gigi admonished as the big boss smacked Skinny Joe’s feet off the bed and sat down next to his girl. She chuckled as she watched Slug lick the bitten end of the strawberry with a broad tongue, sighing.  

Opening the canister of salve, Negan dipped his finger in and gently spread some of the goop on his pistol’s wrist, rubbing it in gently, and then applied some to her cheek with a feather light touch. “Carson said this has stuff in it that’ll help with the pain, the swelling and the bruising. Harmonica? Veronica? Something the fuck like that,” he tried to recall.

“You mean arnica?” Gigi laughed at him, squeezing his knee.

“Whatever the fuck it is, it’s supposed to help.” he responded curtly. He retreated to the far corner of the couch when he was finished, and watched as his girl finished eating and sat back against her pillows to watch the banter between her friends, smiling at their antics. Five minutes later, when he saw her wince from the pain in her head, he informed everyone in a surprisingly quiet and calm voice, brunch was fucking over, because Gigi needed her rest. She looked disappointed, but also a bit relieved as she watched everyone file out the door. “Let the fucking rumor mill out there know she’s fine, but there won’t be anymore visiting hours until further notice.” Negan advised. He made his way back to the bed, tilting her head up to him so he could look her over. She looked tired and pained. “You need to lay down and rest, Gigi.”

“Yes, daddy.” She wagged her eyebrows at him, but suddenly squeezed her eyes shut and furrowed her brow in pain. “Negan! Trash can!” she suddenly blurted out, pointing at the small plastic waste can that sat next to the dresser.

She heaved and gagged as he rushed to get the trash can to her and held it under her chin. She vomited up all of the breakfast she’d just eaten into the can, and then reached for a tissue on the nightstand to wipe her mouth. Her eyes were filled with tears, and he didn’t know if it was from the physical act of heaving or whether it was from her pain, but either way he fucking hated it. He knew the nausea and vomiting were the result of her concussion, adding to the list of her discomforts.

“Lay down, Gigi,” he urged again, taking the bucket into the bathroom to empty and clean it. He brought it back when he finished, setting it down next to her on the floor so it would be within easy reach. Rearranging the pillows behind her so she could lie flat, he tucked her in, the pain from her head, obvious. He brushed his lips across her forehead gently as he took her in with a frown.

“Can you stay with me, Negan?” she asked softly, her eyes closed and her expression showing another wave of pain.

“Of course,” he murmured sliding onto the bed next to her as she cringed once more. With her eyes still closed, she reached for his hand, and grabbed his thumb between her fingers and thumb, moving it back and forth in the air, talking to him without words. He raised his thumb to her forehead in response, using their calming technique, running his thumb from her forehead down the bridge of her nose and back up. The corners of her mouth turned up in a smile before another wave of pain washed it away. It took twenty minutes, but Negan was relieved when Gigi fell asleep, her expression finally pain free.

Several rocks dropped, pushing more waves against the eroding edges of his self control as he watched her, before he finally dozed off himself, his lips on her shoulder.

_____________

Gigi watched Negan sleep in the morning light of their room, smiling as she did. Her bad ass boss. Her self absorbed prick. In the last week he'd spent minimal time on his duties as leader of the Sanctuary so he could take care of her, despite her repeated protests, while Simon kept his eye on things around the factory.

She had marveled at his patience in physically caring for her, but also entertaining her since she was supposed to keep her visual tasks to a minimum. He had quickly learned it was easiest to call in her friends to keep her occupied with their banter. She had finally asked him, after two days in a row of their company, how he liked having all of the foot traffic and activity in his apartment which kept her from getting bored. He had responded honestly, affirming he absolutely fucking hated it, and she was going to owe him the best of her mind numbing, good boyfriend blow jobs when she was feeling better, the one where she sat on his face while she sucked him off.

When he’d come out of the bathroom on day three of her convalescence and found the book she’d picked up at the library to read the week before askew on the floor, he’d raised an eyebrow at her, and she’d explained it hurt her head after only a few seconds of concentrating on it. “I thought Carson told you to steer clear of reading for awhile?” he’d reminded her firmly.

When she whined just a little bit she was bored sitting in bed and needed a distraction, he proceeded to sit down next to her on the bed and read to her about Scarlett O’Hara, Rhett Butler, and the Civil War. And if his reading to her wasn’t cute enough, he wore his reading glasses as he did, which really turned her on. Not that she had been able to jump him like she wanted with her head throbbing at the slightest provocation, but she couldn’t help getting worked up over the way he looked in them.

They had argued, at the beginning of the story, about the fact Negan thought Scarlett was a spoiled brat. Having read the book before,  Gigi assured him Katie Scarlett O’Hara was the strongest of women, fighting for all the right reasons, from start to finish to protect her family and their home Tara, despite her sometimes misguided methods. By the time they reached the end of the book, Negan agreed with her, informing her Scarlett was one broad he’d like fighting on his fucking team. She was beautiful, cunning, and knew how to fucking play people to get what she wanted or needed from them. She was also fiercely loyal to those she loved, which was an interesting contrast to the fact she would sometimes step on them in order to save them. She was a fierce fucking survivor.

Aside from stepping on and purposely manipulating people, he thought Scarlett reminded him of Gigi more than a little bit. He assured his girl, though, he knew she could get anyone at the Sanctuary to do her bidding, not through underhanded means, but by sprinkling her fucking glitter and rainbows on them. She huffed a silent laugh as she thought about his response when she’d asked him if he was one of the people who would do her bidding when she sprinkled her glitter. He’d very indignantly informed her it wasn’t the glitter, but her magical pussy dust which had done him in, which made her laugh out loud. He’d scowled at her, telling her he’d never fucking be the same, and he hoped she was happy with herself.

Gigi wondered what the people of the Sanctuary would think if they saw him reading to her for hours every day. She also wondered what they would think if they knew he hovered over her, and refused to leave her alone for one moment, bringing Slug or Liz or the Josephs in to sit with her if he had to leave the apartment to attend to business.

She knew he felt responsible for Bobby’s abuse, and felt he should have been there to protect her, unreasonable as the sentiment was. She'd reassured him otherwise, and he _said_ he knew she was right, but she could see the regret in his eyes, especially when he was tending to her needs, when he looked at her bruised face, and watched her struggle to manage physical tasks using only one hand.

Gigi knew Bobby was alive, somewhere in the Sanctuary. She knew because when she’d asked Negan what he'd done with the man, he’d simply replied, “I'm handling him.” She wasn't afraid. She wasn't worried the man could still hurt her. Not at all. She was worried Negan was letting too much time go by. Time in which his anger was festering. Anger which could eventually lead him to act in unimaginable ways against her rapist. She knew what he was capable of. She'd heard enough stories, and didn’t want him acting heinously on her behalf.

When she'd finally come out and asked him what he was going to do with Bobby, his response had simply been, “It's not something you need to worry about, Gigi.”

But she did anyway.

__________

He looked so cute with his cheek mushed into his nose against his pillow she just had to kiss him. Scooching herself into him under the covers, she moved her face into his, braving his morning breath because she needed him. Right now. It had been over a week since they'd made love, and she couldn't wait any longer to feel him inside her. 

His eyelids fluttered open as she pressed her lips to his lightly and then ran them over his cheeks and eyebrows, feeling him as he struggled to wake himself up. She turned her back to him and his hands found her hips, caressing them with his fingertips as she shimmied out of her underwear. Raising her top thigh and reaching between her legs, she found his cock, already half hard in his boxers.

Knowing this morning ritual well, Negan put his thumbs in either side of his underwear with his eyes barely open and pushed them down his hips to the top of his thighs. The little bit of freedom was all he'd need for one of their morning fucks.

Gigi reached for him again once his underwear was out of the way, smiling because he was fully hard from the simple promise of one of their languid morning love making sessions. She moved it between her legs, positioning it so they could slide it along her clit to get her wet. She lowered her top thigh back down against the other, trapping him between her folds, and they both started movement of their hips in an unhurried attempt to get her aroused.

They both enjoyed this lazy foreplay, and Negan wrapped his top arm around his girl’s ribs, pulling her into him for the moment breathing in the scent of her as she hummed and moaned with their movements. He kissed along the sensitive skin behind her ear, and down the side of her neck as they moved their hips slowly towards and away from each other.  He flung the covers off so he could watch his cock under her ass, disappearing between her thighs as he concentrated on the feeling of being engulfed in the soft heat of her. It was after only a minute of sliding their hips in opposition when he could feel she was getting wet, and he smiled as she moved her top arm up, as she always did to grasp the back of his neck using the grip for leverage to pleasure herself, tilting her hips so the head of his dick drove right into and along her clit with each thrust.

Her hand went between her legs and she swiped the head of his cock through her wetness to make sure it was well coated on all sides, and then pushed back and down on him to slide him inside her, as he thrust forward to meet her. They both groaned at the more than pleasant sensation of him moving inside, and filling her.

Gigi smiled as he rolled her onto her belly, and she arched her back to tilt her pussy up to him as he lay on her back, so he could move deeper with his thrusts. He nipped at her shoulders and the back of her neck as her body began to pulse with it’s need for release. She could feel the throbbing sensation move into her head, and an ache started to pound lightly around and behind her injured eye. She tried to ignore it as she tilted her hips back rhythmically to meet him, but it became more intense, overshadowing the pleasure she was feeling.

“Negan,” she murmured.

He could hear some urgency in the tone of her voice, and stopped his movements, moving his head to look at her over her shoulder.

“Yeah, new girl?”

His girl smiled at the nickname. “It’s my head. I’m sorry ... it’s pounding.”

He could see the pain on her face as she pushed at him gently with her shoulders, signaling for him to pull out of her. He moved to his side, and she turned into him, wrapping her leg around his hip and burying her head in his neck with a frustrated sigh.

“It’s okay, Gigi. It’s just too soon. We’ll get there.” He kept his tone light, but he was more than fucking pissed. It seemed like it took forever for them to come together their first time, thanks to the shithole in the basement cell, and now the dickhead was once again fucking up their sex life.

She kissed his collarbone, smiling with a hum at the “we” in his statement. She wondered what her life would have been like if she hadn’t met Negan when she did. This man who had saved her in so many ways. “I know. It’s just frustrating. It feels like it’s been forever. I need you inside me. I’ve been desperate for that connection with you all week after seeing him again, but I haven’t been well enough, physically, thanks to him.

“Just having him near me again, hurting me again, keeping me from being with you … I’ve been fighting not to let it get me down. You make me happy, Negan, and you make me feel safe, and I know making love to you will make it all better. It would take away his power. I just needed you, and it couldn’t happen. It’s like I’m still losing against him, because I can’t have what I want. He’s keeping you from me. Does that make sense?” He could feel her shaking her head in frustration. “I feel like I’m not making any sense.”

Negan marveled at the fact she felt that fucking him could right her world. _Holy fuck that's intense._ He could hear the sadness and frustration in her voice, and he pulled back to look at her, seeing her frustration in her eyes, and something worse. Something he couldn’t take. Defeat.

Another rock dropped as he looked at her. A big fucking boulder which finally broke open the dam containing his fury, breaking down any semblance of restraint he had shown by not rushing down to have his way with the man in the basement cell who had caused his girl so much infuriating fucking pain.

“It makes all the sense in the fucking world, Gigi.” He kissed her lightly before getting out of bed to get her some water to go with the pain pill he gave her from his nightstand. “I want you to rest. I’m going to have Slug come keep you company while I take care of some business.”

She watched as he dressed, moved into the bathroom to brush his teeth and hair, and then put on his leather jacket. He bent over her to kiss her goodbye, smiling at her as he told her he’d be back as soon as possible. And even though they both knew where he was going, they both pretended he was leaving for another day of work around the Sanctuary as he opened the door, smiling at her softly before he walked out and closed it behind him.

He didn’t come back until the following day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a boyfriend, in my twenties, who one slightly drunken night confided that I was a mecca to him. (I would love to say it was a sexual reference, but it was a general statement.) How could a girl not think that was the best compliment ever? I couldn't help but think of Negan and Gigi when the memory popped into my head recently, since he's totally smitten with her.
> 
> Next chapter- Bobby gets what's coming to him. Thanks for reading, all. Have a great weekend!


	15. Help Me Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine was quiet for several seconds, then took a deep breath and blew it out, looking up at Negan. “He kept some of it. In one of those tin mint boxes. He keeps it in his pocket. Made me look at it. I mean, he showed it to me, and I looked at it before I realized what it was … before he told me.”
> 
> Negan squinted at the man in his usual way as he thought about the possibilities. He shouldn’t ask. He didn’t want to know. He could guess, which should be enough. But he couldn’t stop himself. “He kept some of what, Blaine? You looked at what, exactly?”
> 
> “Her skin,” the man revealed, swallowing heavily, a look of revulsion on his face. “Is that fucked up, or what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know what's coming in this chapter, yes? I reached into the dark side that I didn't even know I had to write Negan's retribution. It's ugly, my kittens, so you may want to cover your eyes at the bad parts. ;)

Blaine had been sitting in a cell for the last week - wondering what he’d done to piss someone off - when Simon came in to escort him to a meeting with the leader of the Sanctuary, the man known simply as Negan. He had to admit he was shaking in his boots a little since he’d heard talk about what the man did to people when he was pissed off. He was sure Bobby had done something to piss someone off since he’d been laying low himself, trying to figure out the lay of the land at the factory since they’d gotten clearance to mingle and live among the residents. That and the fact when Simon questioned him, the conversation revolved heavily around Bobby. Blaine had no qualms about throwing the psycho into the line of fire to save his own ass.

He’d met Bobby a few months before, after he’d been out on the road by himself for longer than he cared to remember. They’d come across each other in the store room of a gas station - Stop and Shop - where Blaine had been living for a few weeks after he’d found there were still some boxes of non perishable food hidden behind some boxes of pine tree shaped air fresheners. Since he hadn’t come across a working vehicle since his last one ran out of gas, he had barricaded himself inside the store, planning to stay until the food dwindled down to just enough to fit in his pack and then he’d head back out on the road in search of a new place or a group to join.

Bobby had broken through his barricade, waving a handgun in Blaine’s face while he searched through the man’s supplies. Strangely, once Bobby had taken inventory, he’d settled in and started eating, talking the surprised man’s ear off while he’d poured half a bottle of water into a cup of ramen noodles he’d taken from Blaine’s stash and waited for them to soften. He never left.

At first Blaine was glad to have some company, but within a few days he was trying to figure out how to get away from the new guy. For one, the guy never stopped talking, and second, he was more than a little crazy. Not crazy in a goofy way ... crazy in a scary way. The longer he talked, the more Blaine realized the man was batshit.

Blaine spent three weeks trying to figure out how he could escape, but once Bobby settled in, he made sure Blaine was never out of his sight, not even letting him go outside alone to relieve himself. “We gotta stick together,” he’d insisted, “I left two of my buddies alone with this crazy chick a few months ago, and she offed ‘em before I knew what fucking happened.” Bobby also made sure his gun was close at hand at all times, making it impossible for Blaine to get in a surprise attack, since he only had a couple of knives for protection.

Blaine explained all of this to the man in charge, Negan, when the leader asked him if he was as fucked in the head as his buddy, Bobby. “I swear, man, I had nothing to do with whatever he did to piss you off! I got no loyalty to the crazy bastard! He’s fucked up, man!”

Negan stared at him, trying to figure out if this guy was really the pussy he made himself out to be for not taking out Bobby the minute he realized the man was trouble. Simon had questioned Blaine at length, and seemed to think the man was a decent guy who was too weak to get away from someone well out of his league.  

“He’s fucked up?” Negan questioned. “In what way?” He knew Bobby was fucked up, but he was curious to hear why the man had come to the same conclusion. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table, looking intently at Blaine as he entwined his fingers on the table between them.

“He talked all the time. He never stopped, man." The prisoner leaned across the table, towards the leader, as if he was confiding a secret. “He’d tell me stuff, and then repeat shit and the story would change. The longer we were on the road, the worse the stories got. The crazier they were. Stories about fucked up shit he’d done. Turned out he was like a serial killer, doing … stuff to people and keeping souvenirs.”

Negan was amazingly calm as he looked at the man curiously. “Such as?” He knew he shouldn’t ask the question, but he was compelled to. As if his anger towards the fucker in the basement cell wasn’t strong enough. As if he needed more fuel for his fire.

The man was clearly uncomfortable at the prospect of answering Negan’s question, but  he started rambling after a moment of silence, sounding almost as if he felt the need to confess. “Right after we met, he started talking about his girlfriend. She sounded great. He said she was beautiful and smart; he was with her for a while. He talked about the great times they had, how she was great in the sack. Sounded like a normal relationship, at first.” Blaine shook his head as he continued with a frown. “The more he talked about her, though, it was clear the woman wasn’t his girlfriend. It started to get clearer, when he explained how they met, he’d kidnapped her. He and his two friends.”

The man looked downright distressed as he continued his story. “The story went from ‘she was great in the sack’ to ‘we did some crazy shit to her’.” He couldn’t look at Negan as he continued, a look of embarrassment and disgust taking over his face. “It wasn’t right, man, what they did to her. And on top if it all, he was proud of the fact he had cut her up with his knife. He kept talking about the pretty picture he drew on her skin.” Blaine was quiet for several seconds, then took a deep breath and blew it out, looking up at Negan. “He kept some of it. In one of those tin mint boxes. He keeps it in his pocket. Made me look at it. I mean, he showed it to me, and I looked at it before I realized what it was … before he told me.”

The leader squinted at the man in his usual way as he thought about the possibilities. He shouldn’t ask. He didn’t want to know. He could guess, which should be enough. But he couldn’t stop himself. “Kept some of what, Blaine? You looked at what, exactly?”

“Her skin,” the man revealed, swallowing heavily, a look of revulsion on his face. “Is that fucked up, or what?”

_______

“Would you rather go skiing or to the beach?” Gigi asked Slug. They were playing twenty questions as they sat on either end of the couch in the apartment, bottoms of their feet pressed together between them as they ate some honey roasted nuts Maria’s mom had made for Gigi in the Sanctuary’s kitchen.

“Skiing, for sure,” Slug informed her. “I was pretty good on the slopes. Quite the ski bunny. You?”

“Beach,” Gigi revealed. “All the way. Hate the cold. I want a tan, not chapped lips.”

“Steak or seafood?” he asked her.

“Seafood.”

“Steak. So you were a deejay before the world went to hell? Try and guess what I did for a living.” he challenged. “I was a librarian!” Slug informed her before Gigi had the time to venture a guess.

“You do not look like the typical librarian!” She shook her head for emphasis. “Okay, my turn mister librarian. What are your favorite types of books to read?”

“I _looove_ children’s books. They’re my favorite. I had a huge collection of them before the turn,” he revealed. “I still have my favorite one, _Slug Needs A Hug_. My best friend gave it to me. I couldn’t bear to leave it behind when I had to leave my home.”

“That’s where you got your nickname!” Gigi’s smiled, her eyes wide as the man nodded at her.

_______

Negan was sitting on the old wooden desk chair, knees spread. He was looking down at Bobby on the floor beneath him, the man’s head in between his feet on the floor. The four legs of the chair were sitting two on either side of the man’s slim torso, one on top of each shoulder, trapping him between them as he lay on his back on the floor looking up with panicked eyes at the Sanctuary’s very calm leader. Next to his head, on the floor, lay a closed tin Altoids box Negan had fished out of the shithead’s pocket.

“I could do this all fucking night, Simon!”  Negan laughed as he pushed Lucille’s handle another half inch down Bobby’s throat with his gloved hand, listening to him gag and croak. He was holding his baby with his gloved hand, by her barbed tip, using the knob on the end of her handle to cut off Bobby’s air supply. “”How many fucking seconds you think it will take this time to make him pass out?” He was sure Bobby had swallowed a few of his own teeth when he shoved the bat between his lips the first time he tried to force Lucille into his mouth, and it pleased him greatly.

“I don't know boss, maybe forty five?” Negan’s second in command smirked at him. He didn't know where his boss came up with the idea for this twisted game he was playing with the man on the floor, but he had to admit it was rather brilliant. The panic on the man’s face was laughable as he clawed at the leg of the chair ineffectively, with one hand, while he struggled for air. Bobby had passed out a half dozen times already. Negan would let him lie for a few minutes after he did, while they shot the shit about business, Simon filling the boss in on what had been going on for the past week. Then the boss would kick the man lightly in the head with the toe of his boot until he woke up, and he’d start all over, shoving Lucille’s handle into the back of his throat and cutting off his airway.

“Simon?” the leader started, “Would you mind running to get me something to drink? I’m a little parched.” He shoved the bat downward forcefully as he laughed at Bobby’s struggle beneath him. “My bottle of bourbon and some ice. I’m gonna be here awhile. Right?” He directed the question at the man on the floor.

“Sure thing, Boss.” Simon left the room, leaving Negan to his fun.

________

“Pigdef? What the hell is pigdef?” Fat Joseph looked back and forth between Skinny Joseph and Gigi then back at the Scrabble board laying on the coffee table between the three of them, as Slug read an old magazine on the bed. He grabbed a piece of cinnamon roll from a plate on the table which Sally, from the bread station, had made for Gigi to snack on during her recovery.

“Come on, man! Pigdef!” Skinny Joe prompted, as if Fat Joe should know exactly what he was talking about. “The medical condition farmers get when they can’t hear hear high pitched noises anymore because their eardrums have been damaged by the squealing of pigs over the years?”

Fat Joe looked from Skinny Joe to Gigi incredulously as he chewed. Gigi nodded at him vigorously, a look of complete seriousness on her face as she supported Skinny Joe’s sixty eight point word. “He speaks the truth Joe,” she assured him. “My dad grew up on a farm, and he was diagnosed with the condition when he was only _sixteen_.”

“So sad.” Skinny Joe shook his head as he picked five new tiles from the pile to replace the ones he just used.

Looking between the two of them with a furrow between his brows, Fat Joey reluctantly wrote Skinny’s score on the pad of paper laying in front of him on the table.

_______

The leader had gotten tired of making Bobby pass out after three hours, and decided to move on as he waited for Simon to bring his bourbon back from the apartment.

“You are just twelve kinds of fucking stupid, coming into _my_ house and fucking with _my_ woman,” Negan admonished as he twisted Lucille’s barbed tip into Bobby’s left palm which was face up on the floor beside the chair. The asshole’s dislocated shoulder made it incredibly painful for him to move his arm. Not that Negan would let him. His boot was pressed forcefully into the man’s bicep, causing him more misery.  The fucker was breathing heavily, his eyes showing fear and pain along with his defiance.

“She was _my_ woman first.” Bobby rasped up at him angrily, his voice hoarse from Lucille’s abuse.  

Negan’s eyebrows went up, his head tilting at the assertion.

_______

“Oh, yeah. Pigdef!” Simon looked over Gigi’s shoulder at the Scrabble board. “That’s legit, Fat Joe. I shit you not. It’s a real thing.”

Fat Joe finally let his suspicion go, since he now had Simon’s affirmation the term in question was in fact a real word.

Simon grabbed Negan’s favorite bourbon from the cupboard behind the couch, as Gigi watched him with interest, a question in her eyes.

“He’s got some tedious work to do,” he explained to her as he tucked the bottle under his arm, and dumped the contents of two ice trays into a small decorative bowl on the shelf, using it as an ice bucket to take with him. “Wanted some refreshment on hand.” He grabbed two glasses and left the apartment.

________

 

Negan brought Lucille’s tip straight down on the shithead’s hand with all the force he could muster, for the third time, enjoying the man’s screams in response. “You are such a fucking pussy. If you had a decent sized pair of balls, you’d keep quiet while I fuck you up. You wouldn’t let me know I’m hurting you, you pantywaste fuck. Not surprising you have tiny little balls to go with the tiny little dick I’ve heard you have,” he smirked at the shock on Bobby’s face at the thought Gigi had told the leader the unpleasant truth about him.

“The bitch loved my dick, man, fucked me so good I couldn’t walk right for days afterwards,” Bobby taunted him hoarsely, with a smile.

Negan’s head spun with unbridled rage at the psycho’s statement as he heard Simon working at the lock on the other side of the door. Deciding he didn’t want to hear Bobby’s fucked up delusions and definitely didn’t want Simon to know what the shithead had done to Gigi, he quickly kneeled down on the floor next to the fucker, pried his jaw open once more with Lucille  and sliced the asshole’s tongue off, tossing it on the floor beside his head.

________

“Is it too much to ask for? A man who’s gentle and kind?” Laura asked no one in particular. “And clean?”

“If it was hard to find a good man before the world went to shit,” Arat lamented, “it’s downright impossible to find one now.”

“No kidding,” Laura commiserated. The three women and Slug were lined up on their backs across Gigi and Negan’s king size bed, discussing romance in the age of the apocalypse as they shared a container of fudge that Jenny from the exchange floor had sent up to the apartment as a get well present for Gigi.

“I don’t know, I think there are a few good ones here at the Sanctuary,” Gigi countered, picking the jimmies off her piece of candy. “You just have to look under all of the dirt and grime.” She laughed at the thought, then added seriously, “Maybe we need to hold personal hygiene classes.”

“No kidding.” Arat agreed, sporting a look on her face like she was smelling sour milk.

“I found a good one,” Slug blurted out from his  position on the far side of the bed. He was stacking three pieces of fudge on his chest, in reverse order from most favorite flavor, to least favorite flavor, so he would eat the best flavor last. “ _He’s_ clean. And smells nice.”

Three heads snapped to the left to look at him, while he frowned at his stack of candy, offended it had fallen over, then decided to line them up lengthwise instead, with his favorite flavor farthest away from his mouth.

Laura propped herself up on her elbows since she was on the far right and couldn’t see him over the other two women. She accidentally flipped her piece of fudge into her cleavage as she moved, and tried to dig it out with two fingers blindly, as she looked at Slug expectantly.

“Okay, spit it out, Miguel.” Gigi called the man by his given name, as a mother does when she’s scolding a child. “You’ve been keeping things from me?” Arat and Laura nodded at the sentiment simultaneously, totally unaware Slug was seeing someone.

“Your name’s Miguel?” Laura seemed as intrigued about his name as she was about his mystery man. She finally managed to pinch her candy between her fingers, pulling it out of her bra.

“So you and Keith are officially a thing now?” Gigi interrogated the young man. She knew they’d been spending time together since Slug had pinned him to the factory floor, but Slug had moved cautiously in getting involved with the man, since it would be Keith’s first same sex relationship. He was moving slowly, to protect his own heart.

“Keith? It’s Keith?” Arat questioned. “He _does_ smell good!”

“Miguel is a great name! I wouldn’t have pegged you as a Miguel. Very exotic.” Laura expanded on her question, popping the fudge into her mouth.

“Are you two officially dating since we talked about it last week? Seeing him? How do you word it? Talking?” Gigi rambled excitedly, searching for appropriate words to describe a relationship in their new world. Dating didn’t quite seem to fit.

“Is your family Hispanic? That's a Spanish name, right?” Laura guessed, licking some chocolate off her fingers.

“He’s hot! Those eyes, man. I’m a little sad he’s not straight! Is he good in bed? That’s all I want to know.” Arat prattled on with interest. The two other women nodded seriously, waiting for an answer to Arat’s question as Gigi handed Laura another piece of fudge from the half empty container.

________

At about midnight, a few hours after he’d sent Simon away, Negan sat on the floor next to Bobby, who was laying face down on the floor. The man’s lips and chin were coated in his own blood from the removal of his tongue, and both of his hands were pulverized so he couldn’t struggle against Negan’s latest torment. The man’s shirt was laying on the floor beside him in pieces, having been cut off him, and the leader of the Sanctuary leaned over Gigi’s rapist, knife in hand as he sliced into Bobby’s skin again and again. Drawing a not so pretty picture on the man’s skin, wanting him to experience the same pain the bastard had fucking inflicted on his beautiful girl when he drew on her with his knife.

The asshole flinched, and screamed, and whined and whimpered in pain at each cut of Negan’s knife, and Negan reveled in the noise, knowing his brave, fucking amazing girl hadn’t made a sound when Bobby was inflicting the same pain on her. The asshole flinched again, when the leader made another cut, and Negan used all of the force he could muster to pummel the man, beating him while he very calmly reprimanded him for moving. “You could ruin my fucking work, man. I take my art very fucking seriously.”

________

Gigi woke up the next morning, Slug cuddled up against her back in her bed wearing a pair of Negan’s sweatpants and one of his white tee shirts, both too large for his slim frame. The young man had been thrilled, after Arat and Laura left, when she’d suggested he change into the boss’s clothes so he’d be more comfortable to sleep. The boss man wasn't back at bedtime the night before, and Slug had strict orders to stay with Gigi until Negan returned to the apartment. She had smiled when Slug had sniffed the clothes before he put them on, to see if they smelled like Sanctuary’s leader, even though the clothes were obviously clean, while he confided in Gigi about how things were going with Keith.

Even though she and Liz were close, Gigi and Slug shared their most personal secrets, and discussed all their matters of the heart. Ever since Slug had taken her hand in the woods the night Buck had let everyone know he and his cronies had watched her and Negan in bed, they’d been stuck together like a “fly on shit” as Negan put it. Gigi had questioned him sarcastically about whether he considered her the fly or the shit, letting him know either possibility was offensive. Slug knew Bobby had hurt her physically and emotionally, and even though Negan’s plans had not been spoken, he knew his boss had asked him to keep Gigi company so he could deal with the criminal in the basement cell.

She rolled over and looked at the clock, worried because Negan hadn’t come back to the apartment during the night. It was quarter after eleven. He’d left before nine the morning before, and even though she’d been trying not to think about it, she couldn’t help but wonder what Negan had been doing for the last twenty six hours. He must have gotten caught up in a lot of Sanctuary business during his absence. There was no way he could have been dealing with Bobby the whole time he’d been gone.

________

When Negan finally stepped away from the piece of shit at 10:45 in the morning, Bobby was no more than a stain on the floor. The man had died a half hour before, after the boss man had beaten him again for jerking when he cut his back. From the looks of it, he’d broken one the man’s ribs, and it had punctured his lung, blood pouring from his mouth and nose as he struggled to breathe.

Negan tried to let his anger go when he died, because the deed was done, but he was impelled to finish the man off as the psychopath deserved, by pulverizing every inch of him with Lucille, spreading the man’s remains across the floor with his beloved bat.

Simon let himself into the room, after a good night’s sleep, as the final swing was made at Bobby’s remains. “Jesus,” was the only word the man could find as he took in his boss’s handywork. He still didn’t know what the full story was behind his boss’s fury towards Bobby, but it clearly went deep, looking at the mess of remains on the floor.

Negan reached up to rub his fingers across his lips and chin out of habit, as he often did, stopping himself when he noticed his hand was wet, coated in the dead man’s blood. Simon was surprised his boss looked a bit stunned as he glanced down at his own hands and then his arms, and down at the front of his formerly white tee shirt, now stained from top to bottom with Bobby. His brown twills were ruined as well. It was obvious he’d been kneeling and sitting in the man’s blood on the floor.

“Holy fuck,” Negan quipped soberly, handing Simon his bat. He looked around the gore covered room as he did, as if he was seeing it for the first time, and ordered, “Get someone to clean this fucking mess up. Someone who’s tight lipped. Make it worth their while.” Negan walked into the middle of the mess on the floor, and picked up the tin box his right hand man barely recognized as the one which was fished out of Bobby’s pocket at the beginning of the day before. It had been flattened and pock marked by Lucille since he last saw it.

Negan wiped the box on the leg of his pants, slipping it into his pocket as he nodded at Simon solemnly and left the room. He walked with purpose back to his apartment, his head busy with images from the last twenty four hours and emotions which agitated him. For the first time since the world had ended, he wondered if he’d gone too far. Wondered if he wasn’t so different from the man he’d just annihilated.

Fuck, he needed his girl.

________

Slug and Gigi were sitting on the couch eating breakfast and discussing whether they should try and set Maria's mom up with Phil, since they were about the same age, when Negan entered the apartment. Gigi noted how he looked at them both, not really seeing them and raised a bloody hand minutely in greeting as if he had just come home from the office, only on this particular day he was soaked from head to toe in blood. He headed into the bathroom, closing the door. She and Slug looked at each other shocked, for a moment, and the young man once again reached for her hand in her time of need and reminded her softly, “He deserved everything Negan did to him, Gigi. Don’t doubt it, even a little bit.” Slug was finally speaking out loud, in so many words, the truth which Gigi had been trying to ignore for the last twenty seven hours. Negan had killed Bobby while she had been chatting and playing all day and night with her friends in their apartment.

“Slug?”

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“Gigi needs a hug.”

Slug put his plate on the coffee table, and after giving her a tight squeeze and kissing her on the top of the head, he left the apartment as she continued to try to process what she had just seen.

She stood outside the bathroom door, her hands on the frame, listening as Negan moved about the room. She heard the noises he always made while he undressed. A little hum while he pulled his shirt over his head, and a tiny grunt as he uncinched his belt then let his pants drop to the floor. The shower door slid open and she heard the telltale squeak of the water fixture as he adjusted the temperature to his liking.

There was so much blood. So much, she didn’t want to see it on him again. If she did, it would solidify the fact he had done unimaginable things to her rapist. Things which were over and above what was needed to kill him. Deserved or not, the picture of her lover committing those acts was too harsh for a woman of Gigi’s loving nature to bear.

_______

He was halfway through his shower when the bathroom door opened and Gigi stepped in. He had a small moment of panic, looking down at himself to be sure all of the blood on the parts of his body visible to him was rinsed away. Eyeing the shower floor, he swished his foot around the drain, pushing the last of some pink water into it. Because he didn’t want his girl to see the evidence of his ugliness. He didn’t want her to see him for the man he sometimes needed to be. _What the fuck is that about? Since when have I ever questioned my fucking choices?_ A few more subtle swipes of his foot at the water, and it was running clean.

Negan finally looked at her through the shower door, which was almost opaque from steam, and one hand came up, fingers touching the glass as he reached out in a silent plea he was unaware he was making. But Gigi heard it. Undressing, she ignored his bloody clothes on the floor, and stepped into the shower behind him.

Showering together and bathing each other was one of their favorite things to do, but this time was different. Picking up his shampoo wordlessly, she began to wash him from head to toe, even though he had almost finished doing so already, in a need to obliterate any evidence Bobby had ever existed, just like she had tried to wash away the evidence of Buck’s attack in the infirmary after Negan was shot. It was a calming ritual. A ritual which helped her wash away the ugliness. To let go of the stress of it all.

Gigi started with his hair and moved to his neck and ears, making sure to get every bit of skin on the inside and outside and behind Negan’s ears as he pushed his head into her fingers, desperate to feel her, but not wanting to reach for her until he knew he was absolutely clean. Because he couldn’t stand the thought of any fucking part of Bobby touching his girl, ever again.

Using his bar of soap and a washcloth, she scrubbed him all the way down to the floor before she gently turned him and started washing from the top of his forehead and down his body, stopping to scrub under each of his fingernails with the washcloth wrapped around her fingertip, when she discovered there was blood under them and around his cuticles which hadn’t been removed when he washed himself. Once she was sure they were perfectly clean, she washed them again.

Negan watched Gigi clean his nails meticulously for a minute before he rested his lips on the top of her head, letting her work while he relaxed into her, concentrating on the scent and feel of her, thinking about nothing but his girl, trying to quiet his mind.

They didn’t talk at all as she washed him or as she turned off the shower and they dried each other. They didn’t speak when she handed him his toothbrush and swiped toothpaste on her brush and then his and stood shoulder to shoulder with him as they brushed their teeth.

They didn’t murmur to each other like they usually did as they slid beneath the covers, nude, and clung to each other almost desperately, grasping and pulling at each other to move into the position, face to face, which allowed for the most skin to skin contact between their bodies. They didn't talk before they fell asleep, legs entwined, his lips on her nose, hers on his chin.

_________

Negan woke up six hours later to the sound of Gigi crying out, and he rolled over in bed reaching for her, his hands moving on the sheets next to him. He stopped his search when he heard her gasp, and his eyes followed the sound to the bathroom. _Oh shit._ His blood soaked clothes were still on the floor in there. Was she reacting to the blood? Christ, he hoped she hadn’t found the metal box in the pocket of his pants. Would she even recognize the pieces of herself inside, if she could even get the flattened box open?

He moved quickly out of bed and into the brightly lit bathroom, the smell of bleach and her body wash permeating the steamy air in the small room. She must have cleaned. His clothes were missing from the floor, and a trash bag sat in the corner, his dark pants and bloodied white tee shirt showing through the white plastic. There was a bucket next to it, wet cleaning rags draped over it’s rim.

His girl stood nude in front of the sink, her back to it so she was facing him as he stepped into the room, her skin and hair still wet from a shower. She must have felt the need to take another shower after she’d cleaned up his mess.

She had a hand mirror in her grip, her face a mask of profound grief and horror as she held it above her head in front of her, angled so she could see her back in the mirror over the sink behind her. Her other hand was pressed to her mouth, stifling any more cries which threatened to come out.

Negan felt his throat fucking tighten as he witnessed her pain. He moved to her, trying to keep his cool as he ducked his head into her line of vision to catch her gaze. He couldn’t minimize it. He couldn’t pretend it wasn’t horrible. He wouldn’t insult her intelligence or betray her trust that way. All he could do was support her in her grief, and let her know the scars on her back made no fucking difference in the way he felt about her, didn’t change the amazing fucking woman she was to him and everyone else who knew her.

“I needed to look at it.” she removed her hand from her mouth as she explained softly, taking a step forward to bury her head in his neck. “I couldn’t let all of it go until I saw it. He’s gone, and the anxiety and pain have lifted exponentially since the threat of him is no longer out there somewhere. This is the last piece ...” She lifted her head and closed her eyes as she had done many times before, shaking her head minutely, and he kissed her forehead, holding her face in his hands in an attempt to comfort her. Her free hand came up to his wrist, grasping it desperately as she pressed herself into his kisses.

He pulled back and looked at her, urging her gently, “Let’s look at it then.”

Gigi looked at the man in front of her, hearing him offering once again to share and ease one of her massive burdens and her chest heaved with a breath of relief. God, how she loved him for sharing so much of his strength with her, and even more for helping her find her own again. She blew out her breath, nodding at him as she moved the mirror up over her shoulder again. Negan moved into her, molding himself to the front of her as he looked over her shoulder into the mirror, her free hand moving around the back of his neck in a death grip.

Negan watched her eyes as she looked up and down her back through the mirror, her grip tightening on the back if his neck as she did. He made sure she was okay before his eyes joined hers in their journey. Moving his fingertips to her back, he used them to focus her gaze on the same place as his. He splayed his fingers, moving them across the entirety of the dappled skin before he focused his touch, tracing some of the lines which made up the picture carved into her skin. Straight ones, curved ones, long and short.

Gigi watched the fingers of both his hands alternately moving along her scars. His fingertips drawing along the raised flesh firmly, without hesitation or emotion. She could feel his chest pressed to hers, his breath on her shoulder as his hands moved. The pad of one index finger, then the other traveling the lines etched like tracks for him to follow across her skin.

“My lion hearted girl.” He revealed his own analogy from the night of the pool tournament when he first saw her scars in their entirety, his voice soft with awe. “He knew it, too, the asshole. He knew he couldn’t break you, as hard as he tried. Knew you were stronger than he was. You _are_ stronger than he was, Gigi.”

Negan continued to trace the many, many, long, flowing lines of the mane which surrounded the majestic king of the jungle’s face, engraved on her back. He tapped the image with two fingers as he described it softly. “A beautiful creature, almost as beautiful as you. Intelligent and cunning. You can see the incredible physical strength, when he takes down adversaries twice his size. Graceful whether he is still or in motion … just beautiful to behold in every fucking way, which is in great contrast to the fact he is fucking fierce. A force to be reckoned with, just like my beautiful, amazing, spitfire. You’re so fucking strong, Gigi. Stronger than I could ever fucking hope to be,” he admitted softly.

She listened to him as she took in the image on her back, as he painted his vision of her with his words. She was drawn to him as he spoke, pressing herself more firmly into him as he stunned her with his extraordinary opinion of her.

Her attention shifted as he went on, her emotion about her scars moving out of focus as the man in front of her took over her field of vision, both physically and emotionally, his words and her feelings for him the only thing which now mattered to her.

“Thank you, Negan,” she whispered against the side of his face as she moved her hand from the back of his neck and patted his lips blindly with four vertical fingers. “So much.” Her heart was truly aching in the best way, so full of her gratitude and her love for him. She turned to him, moving her lips up to his, brushing them lightly, savoring the feel of him and the moment. “Need you,” her eyes smiled up at him, telling him with her simple phrase she needed to feel him inside her.

“Think we can?” he questioned her, his thoughts shifting to her pain the day before. He fucking hoped so. He really needed a piece of her ass.

And he needed to love her. He needed to wipe Bobby's words out of his mind. _We did some crazy shit to her._ And he needed to right her fucking world, physically wiping her memories of the bastards' unspeakable torment away. By loving her.

“Took some pain medicine a few hours ago. Half a pill.” She nipped along his jawline. “Head feels good. I don't feel groggy. I say we test it out.”

“Fuckin’ straight, we test it!” He descended on her, kissing her hungrily as he backed her into the sink.

“This going to be a cum and go?” she flitted her eyes to the sink behind her in reference to their morning quickies.

“No fucking way.” He spun them, his arm around her waist as he backed her out of the bathroom, mouthing along her neck and shoulder as she sighed in appreciation.

Before she knew what was happening, Gigi felt the back of her thighs hit the edge of the bed on the other side of the room. She sat down quicky, scrambling to move herself backwards on the bed as she pulled him with her by the back of his neck.

“Nuh, uh!” Negan shook his head, grabbing her behind the knees and pulling her ass to the edge of the mattress as he dropped to his knees between her thighs.

“God, I love it when you manhandle me! Ahhh!” Gigi cried out as he mouthed over her mons and down between her thighs fervently, sucking on her lips forcefully and then pushing his tongue between them so he could wrap his lips around her clit, sucking on it with abandon.

He fucking loved how her fingers immediately threaded into his hair, pulling to keep him in place as her thighs relaxed under his hands, spreading wider as she pushed herself up into his face. She wasn't self conscious or shy in the least. She openly enjoyed her own body, and enjoyed sharing it with him. _Lucky fucking duckling!_

Gigi loved the feeling of his long fingers, splayed across the insides of her thighs, pressing them further open against the bed covers. She looked down her body at him as he looked up at her, and she could see the devil in his eyes as he sucked on her clit a little too hard, making her hips jerk.

“Oww! Negan!”

He cocked an eyebrow up at her and tugged it one more time, and she could feel the rumble of his chuckle on her folds as she pulled his hair viciously in response. She knew her aggression didn't make it's intended point with him, because he loved it when she was rough.

“Poor girl. Want me to kiss it and make it better?” Gigi squirmed as he spread her folds apart with his fingers and blew cool air on her pussy, his lips hovering a half inch away from her so she could feel the heat of them.

“Yes, please.” He peppered the inside of her folds and her clit with feathery kisses, making her crazy with desire for him. “Do the thing Negan, for me, please?” she suddenly begged him, as if an idea had just hit her.

“What thing, new girl?” He tilted his head exaggeratedly to the side, knowing exactly what she wanted. But he wanted to hear her talk about it. He wanted to hear how much she liked it.

“The sideways thing, where you bury your face between my thighs sideways and tease my pussy. Where you run your amazing lips so lightly along _my_ lips.” she explained with a sultry smirk, moving her head back and forth, mimicking the motion he'd use.

Negan growled against her abdomen as he listened to her description. His girl knew how to make him happy with her dirty talk. She always complimented him within it somewhere, stroking his ego.

“And you barely swipe your tongue along the tip of my clit, making me crazy hot for you because you know exactly how I like it. Exactly what to do to make my pussy so wet for you, and make me come on your lips.” Gigi groaned at her own description, motioning with her index finger for him to move up to her.

 _Hell to the fucking yes!_ He smiled as he watched her because as she talked, she scooted herself further up the bed with her elbows, knowing if he was going to do the “sideways thing” right, he'd need to come at her from a different angle. He crawled onto the bed, and tilting his head sideways he slid his lips parallel along her labia from top to bottom, his smooth shaven lips teasing her. She moaned with each pass, whimpering when his tongue slid between her folds just deep enough to tease her most sensitive spot. He continued to toy with her, dipping his tongue deeper with each pass. Once he worked her into a full lather, bringing her to the edge of an orgasm, he pulled away from her, looking pensive.

“Damn it, Negan!” She huffed impatiently, her hand moving between her legs, as she panted, to take up where he left off. He loved to leave her hanging at the edge of her climax, and it frustrated her every time. But it also intensified her orgasms after he edged her a few times.

He grabbed her hand, stopping her in her tracks. “Oh no, new girl. You owe me a favor, if I remember correctly, and it's time to pay up.” Negan moved up to kiss her, sharing the taste of her because he knew she fucking loved it. And he fucking loved the sounds she made as she loved it, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him to her for more.

“Tell me,” she commanded as she licked at his lips.

“Fuck, Gigi. You’re killing me!” he responded to her attempt to clean herself off his lips before he answered, “You owe me one mind numbing blow job as you sit on my face, because I was kind enough to put up with all Mary Sunshine’s fucking visitors.”

“Ahhh, yes. Let me see if I can pay you back for your incredible patience.” Gigi pushed him onto his back, grinning at him as she straddled his face and lowered herself  down to his lips.

He’d barely poked his tongue out of his mouth when she began riding his face in earnest. “Hey, don't forget the blow job part!” He turned his head long enough to mumble into her thigh.

“Oh yeah, that,” she joked as if she didn't want to remember, then huffed a laugh at her smart ass self when he spanked her in response.

“Fuuuck! Holy shit!” Negan groaned as she suddenly engulfed his dick, sucking it with the force of a cyclone. _Goddamn she knows how to suck some cock! Makes my dick so very fucking happy!_

Gigi felt his tongue slow down on her as she worked, so she moved her folds quickly forward and back on his mouth, reminding him he had a job to do. She smiled around his cock when he suddenly picked up the pace on her clit again at her prodding.

Using one hand to hold him steady, Gigi set a fast pace, using her other hand to roll and pull at his balls, hearing a muffled, “Fucking fuck!” as his hips moved up rhythmically to meet her.

Seeing and hearing his pleasure heightened Gigi's arousal, and she groaned loudly as he pulled his knees up and to the sides, spreading his legs and showing her all of him, playing to her admitted kink.

He must want to get inside her, because he only played that card to make her come quickly. Her self absorbed prick usually tried to make sure she came first, and he knew she wanted him inside her as soon as she climaxed. It was her favorite thing, along with kissing him, when he slid inside her as she was still coming. She pulled her mouth off him and ordered, “Lay those magic fingers on me, Negan,” before she put her lips around his cock again.

“Fuck, yes! Tell me what you want, darlin’.”

“Brush it like you do,” she panted as he started circling her clit, but then changed his rhythm to give her what she wanted, rubbing four fingers back and forth across her clit very quickly and lightly.

Negan smirked as her thighs trembled on either side of his head, as her lips continued to move on his dick and he could feel her clit stiffen a bit beneath his fingers, engorged with her pleasure as she edged closer to her climax. He fucking loved it, admiring her pussy and ass as he played with her. Reaching down with his free hand, he pulled her off his dick wanting to wait to come when he fucked her. If she kept up her lip service, he wouldn’t make it long enough. _Fucking schoolboy. Still, damn it!_

He felt the muscles of her thighs tighten as she started to come and she couldn't see the devil in his eyes this time as he craned his neck up and yanked at her clit with his lips, sucking it a little too hard, giving her a little sweet pain as she spasmed with her release.

“ _Fuck!_ Negan! Nice!” she grunted as she collapsed on top of him, her head on his abdomen. He chuckled as he felt her trying to push herself up twice before she gave up and melted into him. “You want it, you're going to have to come and get it,” she sighed contentedly, reaching back to pat her folds which were still right in front of his nose.

Negan gave the bottom of each of her ass cheeks a broad lick, then slid her onto the bed effortlessly, so she was still on her stomach. He then turned himself and rolled onto her back in the blink of an eye, reaching down to grab his cock and slide it into her soaking wet pussy. _Fucking aces!_

Her back arched, as she tilted her hips to give him a better angle to move deeper. She spread her legs, wrapping the top of her feet around the back of his legs, and wanting as much of a connection with him as possible, she reached one hand back behind his neck to pull him down to her and keep him close.

He knew her body signals, and he complied with her wishes, splaying the fingers of one hand under her belly while the other reached up to entwine his fingers with those of her free hand next to her head. He moved slowly and deeply, enjoying every single sensation of being on top of her and inside her. “Yes?” he asked in shorthand if she was okay with his pace.

“God, yes, Negan. You feel so good. I’ve needed you so badly,” she answered as she pulled his hand to her mouth and kissed his knuckles softly, one of her many simple physical gestures which showed him, along with her words, she treasured him. It made him wonder, as he moved within her, how he ever fucking lived without her, because it seemed like she was the best, and maybe the only truly fucking good thing that had ever happened in his sorry fucking life. He’d never tell her that shit though, because he didn’t know how.

He lowered the side of his face to the bed over her shoulder so he was nose to nose with her, and he kissed her languidly with a smile. After a few more minutes she pushed at him to let him know she wanted to change positions, and she rolled them as they were, so he was laying on his back and her back was on his chest. Again he fulfilled a silent request he recognized, and began to move his hands from her thighs, up her belly to her breasts, and then down her sides, touching as much of her as he could as they slowly moved their hips in their lazy fuck.

Negan smiled when she suddenly hummed a long note to help her find the right one, and began to sing a few verses of a classic rock tune he recognized from the seventies. Pulling her romantic shit on him like she always did, while she put the Wilson sisters to shame. He fucking ate it up.

_Cold, late night so long ago_

_When I was not so strong you know_

_A pretty man came to me_

_I never seen eyes so dark_

_You know, I could not run away it seemed_

_We'd seen each other in a dream_

_Seemed like he knew me, he looked right through me, yeah_

 

_Come on home, girl he said with a smile_

_I cast my spell of love on you, a woman from a child_

_But try to understand, try to understand_

_Try, try, try to understand,_

_He's a magic man, ohhh, he's got the magic hands._

She gyrated her hips in time with the rhythm of the song, keeping the pace after she’d finished singing. She moved her hands with his along her body, as she had done their first night together on the couch, before once again bringing one of them up to her lips and kissing it. She proceeded to arch her back against his chest and then quickly contracted her abs to pull herself up to sit on him, planting her knees on the bed on either side of him. She pounded down into him as she pulled his hands around in front of her to fondle the girls, moaning as he palmed them because they’d been sorely neglected for the last week and missed him.

 _Talk about fucking magic._ The muscles of her fucking thighs easily holding and moving her weight as she lifted herself up and dropped back down on him were goddamn fucking magic as he watched them flex, totally enamored of her physical strength, her gorgeous figure, and the feel of her. The scars on her back were just another fucking beautiful part of her which told him her extraordinary story. He moved his fingers to touch them gently, feeling more than a little fucking privileged she showed this part of herself, her whole story, only to him.

She leaned forward, putting her hands on his thighs as she quickened her pace even more. Then she fucking did him in, playing him like a goddamn fiddle without even knowing it, when she looked over her shoulder at him, his beautiful girl, and whispered “Love you.”

 _Fuck me all to hell!_ He grabbed her hips, pumping her down onto his cock three more times as he pushed his hips up to meet her. As he started to come, he tugged her hair lightly to pull her back to him, holding on to it and catching her with his other hand to lower her back to his chest, burying his lips in her hair as she settled on him, in order to muffle his loud fucking grunts and groans of pleasure as he came hard inside her.

Gigi didn’t tense when he threw off her balance with the pull of her hair, she instinctually moved with it, feeling his long fingers and palm pressed into her back, keeping her from falling. Keeping her from getting hurt. Keeping her safe. Even if she hadn’t felt him physically supporting her with his hand, she trusted him, more than she’d ever trusted anyone, her self absorbed prick.

__________

It was after midnight when he stoked the flames of the fire he set with some wood scraps and paper in an old metal wash tub that he'd spotted on the exchange floor. He'd left his girl sleeping and gathered the needed items throughout the factory before he headed into the warehouse. He knew he’d only pass a few guards on the way and it would be empty at that hour. He'd thought about going outside, but knew several guards would see him and he didn't want anyone to approach him. He also didn't want anyone to speculate about what he was doing. This was too fucking private, and he needed to be alone with his thoughts.

Pulling an old rag out of his jacket pocket, he unwrapped the flattened tin box and turned it over in his hands several times. He’d pulled it out of the bloodied pants Gigi had put in the trash bag while she took a nap earlier in the afternoon, tucking it in his jacket on the coat rack. He never did look inside. He didn't want to. He had taken it from Bobby because he just needed to take the pieces of his girl back from that fucker. There was no way he would let them be thrown in the mass roamer grave with that bastard’s fucking remains.

Rewrapping the box, he soaked it in the bourbon he'd brought along and then threw it on the fire. Taking a swig from the bottle, he backed up as the bundle caught fire, the alcohol causing the flames to rise far above the top rim of the bucket.

He leaned against the grill of a fifty seven Chevy parked in the cavernous room, one foot on the fender the other on the floor. He drank and he watched, into the morning hours as disconcerting images and disturbing memories of the night before, and anger over what the dead prick had done to his girl rolled through his mind. He nursed the bourbon and stoked the fire again and again, adding more paper, wood and alcohol to keep the flames roaring so the tin box was eventually reduced to charred, crumbling black brittle bits of nothingness.

Only then could he let it all go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pigdef story is a true story I had to share. My mother and I were playing Scrabble with my dad, years ago, and he laid pigdef on the board and started picking up his replacement tiles motioning for my mother to take her turn. She and I both questioned the word, and we actually started to buy his very serious explanation, until he gave himself away by cracking up. 
> 
> Chapter playlist:  
> Magic Man-Heart


	16. Until The Morning Sun Appears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Gigi and the Sanctuary’s leader watched Dave walk in her direction, his eyes holding hers, one eyebrow raised, his cocky expression confirming his lack of respect for her authority. When the man was a few feet in front of her, she surprised Negan as she suddenly dropped to her hip and one hand on the ground, kicking his feet out from under him, by shoving full force low on his shins with both her feet as he walked forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my very patient readers! I'm sorry that this chapter took three weeks to post. I had 12 chapters written when I started posting this fic, with the idea that I would be ahead of the game and always have one to post each week. Unfortunately, it takes me about two weeks to write, and reread and make changes, and I finally ran out of chapters and have to write as I go. My beta is in the middle of moving, so I sent the chapter to her late, and she was trying to fit it in between packing, because she is amazing and loves me. Luckily my next chap is almost finished, so hopefully it will post more quickly. 
> 
> Hopefully you'll think it's worth the wait. Gigi's badassery comes through full force this week.

_Hi Mom!_

_I feel like something is trying to keep us apart! I was sure we would be together by now! It’s killing me we can’t come to meet you on Tuesday, but there’s a big plan to lead a herd of walkers from a nearby quarry away from our community so they don’t end up swarming us. The leader here says there’s hundreds of them. He won’t let Daryl bring us to the tree, because he’s worried Daryl won’t be back in time to help with the herd of walkers if we get held up meeting you and we can’t get back. Daryl is really important to the plan.  He’s also afraid we could get hurt or killed if something goes wrong and we get stuck out there when the herd breaks loose._

_I understand what he’s saying mom, but I’m not happy we can’t meet you. It just seems like one thing after another has kept us apart. I miss you so much, and it’s killing me to know you are so close, but I can’t reach out and touch you. I’m trying to remember to be happy you, Stevie and me are okay. I’m trying to be happy we can at least talk through these letters. I’m trying to focus on the positive, like you taught us, but it’s hard when things are keeping us apart._

_I’m so happy we found this place, so we have a safe place to stay while we wait to meet up with you. The people here are so nice. Daryl’s people are like a family, and they’ve gone out of their way to make us feel like part of it. I love them for it, Mom, but they still aren’t MY family. I want my family, Mom. I want you. I need you. I had a dream you used your sixth sense to find us. It hurt my heart because I wanted it to be true so badly, but it wasn’t._

_I’ll try to be positive for two more weeks, Mom. Walkers or not, Stevie and I will be at our tree in two weeks. I love you sooooooo much, Mom. More than bacon and guacamole._

_All is well,_

_XOXO,_

_Elena_

_I love you too, Mom!_ _I’m with Elena. We                                    will be there to meet_ _you in 2 weeks if it kills us._

_Miss you like crazy._

_Love,_ _Stevie_

 

On the back of their letter, Elena had drawn a beautiful piece of artwork. It was a heart, made up of what had to be a few hundred smaller images. There were flowers of different shapes, in lines which made up the width of the heart, line after line running from top to bottom. There were many types of flowers making up the larger heart, and she’d used different colors of ink to highlight some of the different flowers within the shape.

Gigi smiled at her daughter’s creativity as she folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. It was the third time she’d read it since she and the Joey’s had arrived at the tree. She put her letter for her children in the zip bag, sealed it and tied it to the tree with a length of red yarn, and then jumped back in the car with the Joseph’s so they could check on the herd they’d pushed west on Route sixty six.

She swallowed her disappointment, covering it with a smile, chatting with the boys as they drove, because she was tired of crying. Tired of all of the drama and angst in her life. She refused to let the little black cloud which seemed to have followed her around since she’d arrived at the factory bring her down. Again. She put on a brave face about the fact her children had once again not shown up at their meeting point. She assured herself, once again, even though they weren’t there this time, they would be next time. 

____________

She was acting too fucking happy for someone who just had her heart stomped on for the umpteenth fucking time. He knew her happiness was just that. An act. Negan watched his girl from the second floor landing over the exchange floor after she returned from the family tree, amazed her glitter and pixie dust were still swirling all the fuck around her despite her grief.

She smiled and waved at laundry woman, patting her back as she passed her at the herb lady’s table. _What did Gigi say the herb lady’s name was? Patty? Fuck. Penny? Fuck!_ She laughed with bread woman, grabbing her hand and squeezing it when the woman said something funny, his girl throwing her head back in laughter. A few minutes later, she, odds and ends man and Tayvon broke into song and dance as they listened to the barber, who was strumming his acoustic guitar as he sat in his chair in the middle of the room, while Old Man Daniels backed him up with a harmonica. Gigi then stopped to talk to Big Momma, looking sympathetic and holding her hand as she listening intently to the large woman’s tale of ongoing woe. She would pat the lady’s hand in support, every now and then.

His girl shook her head no at a slice of chocolate cake from Maria’s mom, who was now standing hip to hip with odds and ends man - _what the fuck is his name -_ as they watched and listened to the barber and Old Man Daniels play some blues. Gigi never fucking turned down Maria’s mom's cake.

Negan watched her make her way through the crowd, distracting herself with chatter and laughter as workers, enforcers and lieutenants alike mingled, worked, traded and shopped on the factory floor. His community was growing and thriving, and now everyone was living and working in harmony for the first time, because of Princess Top Dog and her glitter and sunshine. It wasn’t something he’d realized was missing until it wasn’t.

The janitor guy and the skinny blonde’s six year old son was chasing Gigi through the crowd in a game of tag, and the little boy squealed in delight when she turned tail on him and swept him into her arms. Burying her nose under his chin, she tickled his neck with her nose and some raspberries, making him laugh and writhe from the ticklish torture.

To watch her, no one but Negan and Gigi would ever know her fucking heart was broken.

______________

She still had frequent headaches, and the nausea which tended to accompany them, but Gigi hid them from Negan so she could convince him she was ready to get back into the swing of things. She needed to start working and feel productive again, and she needed to take her mind off what was happening in Stevie and Elena’s community. She had a bad feeling about the hundreds of “walkers” they were going to try to move.

Negan insisted Gigi needed more time to heal. He had marched her to Dr. Carson’s office to find out why Gigi still had discomfort from her head injuries and to have the doctor tell her it was too soon for her to go back to work full time. The doc wasn’t surprised she was still experiencing headaches and nausea, and informed her the symptoms could last for a few months or more, due to her concussion and broken bones. It was simply the nature of her injuries.

Negan was pissed when Carson didn’t tell her she needed to take it easy for a few more weeks. He wanted to bitch slap the man when he told her she should let her fucking body be her guide, and if she had fatigue or pain, she should take it as a signal to rest. _What kind of fucking medical advice is that? Goddamn quack._

After being cooped up inside the factory for three weeks, and after a taste of sunshine and freedom on her visit to the family tree, Gigi couldn’t stand the thought of being stuck in their apartment any longer, especially since Negan had gone back to working full time the week before and left her to entertain herself. She decided to start training again with her team, guiding them verbally and doing limited physical work, but when Negan visited them in their new training room on the second day, he found Gigi demonstrating safe drop and roll techniques. Raising an eyebrow at her, he pulled a chair from the corner into the middle of the room before pulling her into the hallway, informing her in his most menacing whisper, if he found her ass anywhere but on the chair when he entered the room from now on, she would be sorry.

“Yes, Daddy,” she whispered in return, responding as she always did when he was bossing her around, with her most serious and contrite expression.

Giving her his best killer glare, Negan stormed off, threatening, “I’m not fucking kidding, Gigi!”

She wasn't surprised in the least when he'd popped back into the room twice, later the same day, to see if she was following his orders. The first time she'd discreetly stuck her tongue out at him from her chair, where she was sitting on the top rung of the back with her feet on the seat so she could be closer to eye level with her team while she instructed them. She knew she was pushing it, but her ass technically was on the chair as he’d ordered. He squinted at her for several seconds, head tilted, before he turned and left.

At one o’clock when he'd popped his head in the room again, Negan could see fatigue and pain fucking written all over her face. _So much for letting her body be her fucking guide._ He immediately informed her team he needed Gigi's help elsewhere in the building, and they could call it quits for the day.  

He managed to keep quiet as they walked through the halls to the apartment, his hand on her lower back to push her along, but the minute he got her inside and closed the door he let loose, ranting about how she needed to fucking take care of herself. As he lectured her he undressed her, one piece of clothing at a time and then picked her boxer and tank top clad ass up and put her in bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. He applied some salve around her eye, and gave her an ibuprofen and water, ordering her to stay the fuck put and fucking rest as he stormed back out the door, closing it behind him. She didn’t get a word in edgewise.

She was squirming into her favorite sleeping position, smiling at the juxtaposition of his aggravation and sweet nursing care when the door opened again and Negan came back into the apartment. Propping Lucille against the door jamb, he approached the bed. Leaning over it and gathering her in his arms, he kissed her deeply before pulling back to look her in the eyes. “I’ve fucking missed being with you this week, Gigi,” he admitted softly as he grazed his lips over her temple and forehead. “I wish I could stay here forever and look after you, but I have fucking work I need to do.” He looked her in the eye, his face showing a mix of affection, worry, and agitation. “Can you please try to take better fucking care of yourself? If not for yourself, can you fucking do it for me?”

She was so tickled by his earnest concern, she immediately nodded at him, pulling him in for another kiss, and made up her mind to give herself a little more time to heal. She wanted to make him happy after everything he'd done for her. But she liked to know she’d pushed his buttons a little bit first to keep him on his toes.

A week and a half later Gigi's headaches were much less frequent and less severe and the accompanying nausea seemed to almost disappear as well. When she’d found out on a Monday morning Simon, the Crazy Eight and the Dick Brigade were going on a run, she left word for Negan with the Josephs she and her team were going to ride along and they hopped in the back of one of the military transport trucks.

When they pulled up at the apartment complex outside of Fairfax, Gigi signaled for her team to stay at the back of the group of Saviors. This was her first tribute run, as it was for everyone on her team except for Laura. Simon wanted her team go along on some runs, so a military presence was obvious to the people and leaders of the communities. He’d mentioned there had been some aggression at the tributes in the past, so having trained military personnel along could help avoid future problems.

When Gigi had questioned him as to what precipitated the aggression, Simon responded sometimes people were just assholes. She had then questioned Arat and Laura, trying to get a feel for the relationships the Saviors had formed with the handful of communities who “paid tribute” to the Saviors. Neither woman was overly forthcoming with all of the details of how the tributes worked, or what had caused Negan to kill, she found out, at least one member of each community.

What she could gather about tributes, from her talk with the women, was in exchange for the Saviors redirect services in their area, the communities provided half of everything they scavenged, grew or hunted for their own survival. Gigi thought half was excessive, and wondered how the percentage was decided on. No one could answer her question, though, when she asked about it.

None of the small communities she and her children had lived in thrived in the apocalypse. They rarely had double what they needed to get by. They had just enough. There was no waste or excess at this point, at least for the groups she and her children had lived with, because people were still trying to figure out how to survive both dead and live threats, and trying to learn the skills needed to be self sufficient. They considered it a win if they had enough food and goods to provide the necessary minimum required to stay alive, living with a minimum of comforts. They hadn’t gotten to a point where they were rebuilding and flourishing. 

Even the Sanctuary, which seemed to have an abundance of staples, and some luxuries, had not taken steps to become self sufficient. They relied on tributes as their main source of fresh food, non perishables and other staples, and they scavenged to try to increase their supplies. If the Sanctuary had to give up half of their food stores, their people would be starving within a few weeks.

Gigi had discussed with Negan, at length, the need for the Saviors to become more self sufficient. Other than a few workers who had taken it upon themselves to grow vegetables in container gardens to sell on the exchange floor, the Sanctuary as a community didn’t grow any of its own food. Other than Pauly, who liked to make his way to the lake in good weather to fish for himself and to sell the excess, there was no attempt to hunt, fish or raise livestock. What if there was another mystery infection, like the one that started the apocalypse,  which incapacitated the communities who provided food for the Saviors?

She questioned him about what he was doing to come up with alternate power sources, in case they ran out of sources of fuel or their few solar panels were no longer functional? They scouted regularly for new fuel sources, but what would happen when their finite supply of gas ran out? They always drove SUV’s when they were on the move, military transport trucks or box trucks, which would guzzle their fuel supply more quickly.

In his typical fashion, Negan squinted at her as she questioned him, his tongue sweeping between his teeth. He didn’t respond with much more than nods and “Mmhmm”s, as he did when he didn’t have a verbose response on the tip of his tongue. Agreeing they were at a point where they needed to consider their options, he left the apartment agitated because he didn’t want to admit to Gigi he hadn’t given the matter as much thought as he probably should have. It was something he had put in the “later” category in his busy head. Maybe it was time to delegate, as Gigi had been pushing him to do.

____________

The small apartment complex seemed to be well secured. It had been a gated community before the turn, with eight foot high wrought iron fencing which surrounded the perimeter. The vibe as the Saviors jumped out of their vehicles, was definitely not welcoming. A dozen or so of the community’s residents were milling around the area, the sound of the visitor’s trucks having drawn their interest. Gigi watched as Simon hopped out of his truck, enthusiastically greeted a middle aged man as Benny, who did not respond in kind. Negan’s right hand proceeded to walk with the man, away from the crowd, his arm draped casually across the community leader’s shoulder. He talked in his typical animated fashion, his voice too low to be heard by anyone other than the leader. The man shrugged off Simon’s arm after a few minutes, a look of anger on his face, then a look a resignation when Negan’s second in command leaned in to him to whisper at him angrily.

The thought of finding other communities of people in this new world was exciting to Gigi. Gaining allies, along with trading goods and knowledge would be her first priority, along with spreading good will. Looking around the gathered crowd, there were no smiles, no talking between Negan’s people and the residents. In contrast, as Simon talked with Benny, she watched Keno, Timmy and their men spread themselves out in front of the residents and a few armed guards who had gathered, and unholstered their weapons releasing the safeties and taking on a defensive posture as they glared at the people in front of them. Was this a result of the former aggression Simon mentioned? The fact no one but the three guards had firearms, while the rest of the the onlookers sported only knives made Gigi question the Saviors show of force. She signaled for her team to remain on alert and to keep their formation, lined up on either side of her, until she instructed otherwise.

Simon made his way back to the Saviors, and ordered two of them to start loading some crates the residents started to set down near the bed of their truck. He suggested the other men men start going through individual apartments and storage areas to look for hidden items. “Benny here, has made it very clear he’s not happy with our little arrangement, and I’m a bit concerned he may be holding back on us!”

Liz subtly signaled to Gigi in the team’s shared, “What the fuck?” gesture, her hand in a fist, index and pinky finger raised and lowered a few times in front of her chest. Keeping a poker face, as Liz had done, Gigi signaled again for her team to stay in position, on alert. She didn’t like what she was seeing, but needed to see how it played out. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out why, if these people were happy to have the Saviors redirect services, would they not be willing to pay the agreed upon amount? Did they not have sufficient stores to keep their people fed, leading them to hold items back? Why would the Saviors take more than what was offered, especially if the community was holding back payment because they didn’t have enough to feed their people?

Simon approached her, bemoaning Benny and his bad attitude and informing her the man was trouble. She nodded once, keeping a poker face as she kept her eye on things behind him. She kept her shock and questions to herself a few minutes later, when Timmy’s men started to make their way back to the truck with what looked to be personal items from the individual apartments. Two men carried a queen size mattress and box spring above their heads, still covered in sheets and blankets. Gil, who had a teenager and a toddler back at the Sanctuary,  was carrying a tricycle and skateboard to the truck, as a little girl ran after him crying. The girl’s mother ran up behind her daughter, sweeping the girl into her arms and shushing her gently as she shook her head in distress at the situation.

___________

“Step back, Dave,” Gigi commanded quietly. When the man from Keno’s team didn't respond immediately she added, “Now!”

She and Liz had followed the man after she had watched him follow a teenage girl, uninvited, around the side of the apartment building, a place he had no reason to be. He was standing only a foot away from a young woman he'd obviously backed into the brick wall, invading her space, the back of his index and middle fingers paused, mid stroke on the frightened teenager's cheek. The girl pleaded with Gigi wordlessly with her eyes, begging for help.

The click of the commander’s safety being released on her Baretta was all Dave needed to hear, and he stepped back and turned on his heel to walk away, brushing forcefully past Gigi as he did. It was all she could do not to unsheath her tri blade and let his balls know who was in charge, but she controlled her anger and focused on the frightened girl.  She signaled Liz, telling her with an index finger she pointed first at her eye and then in the direction Dave walked, to follow him and keep an eye on him. She then tapped her lips with her index and middle finger once, letting her know to call for help if Dave gave her any trouble, as the girl watched her with interest.

“That’s pretty cool. What did you just say to her?” the girl asked curiously about the hand signals, looking from Gigi to Liz's retreating figure. She obviously wanted to trust the commander, her tone and expression friendly.

“I told her to keep an eye on the asshole, and call for help if he acts up.” Gigi winked at the girl with a smile as she holstered her weapon. The girl smiled back as her body relaxed it's tense posture, her shoulders dropping away from her ears and her hands shaking out their nervousness.

“I'm sorry he touched you. Our boss doesn't tolerate disrespect towards women, and he'll be informed as soon as we get back to our place.”

“It's nothing new. I’m used to it,” she frowned, with an exaggerated shudder, pulling her blonde hair up off her shoulders and putting it into the fastest bun Gigi had ever seen, using a hair holder which was around her wrist. She was a pretty little thing, with big green eyes, and long eyelashes.

“Has that man touched you inappropriately when he’s been here before?” The thought enraged her, but she kept her voice neutral.

“No, not him. There's a man here, Luke, who does it all the time,” she grimaced. “When he's not spouting bible verses at people with his holier than thou attitude, he's feeling up the women and girls.

“Do your parents know? Or does Benny know?”

“It's just me and my mom here,” the girl confided. “Luke does it to her, too.”

“Has your mom told anyone?” Gigi knew she shouldn't be getting involved in these people's business, but the thought of this Luke, sexually harassing the women of this community pissed her off.

“Trinity!” A woman rounded the corner of the building, storming in their direction, a middle aged version of the teenager who stood in front of her. “Are you okay?” She turned to Gigi, distrust in her eyes. “What are you doing with her?”

Gigi raised her hands in a gesture of passivity. “We're just talking. One of the men who came with us was getting a little too friendly with Trinity. I was just telling your daughter what he did is unacceptable, and he'll have to face our boss about the matter when we get back home.” She didn't see any point in trying to minimize or hide Dave's actions. She gestured with her head they should  walk back to the front of the building, where the trucks were parked.

“He _what_? Trinity, sweetheart, are you okay?” The girl's mother hugged her daughter, and then ran her hands up and down the girl’s arms as she inspected her from head to toe. “We knew you people were animals, but this is not acceptable!” She stormed towards the front of the building, her daughter in tow.

Gigi walked quietly next to the woman as she berated Gigi and the Saviors loudly, heading towards Benny and one of his guards as they watched their belongings being loaded into the trucks. The commotion drew the leader’s attention, and he rushed over to the three women. “What's going on, Barb?” He ignored Gigi and looked from Barb to Trinity, waiting for an answer.

“One of their men laid hands on Trinity!” the woman explained to him angrily.

“Laid hands on her? What the hell?” Benny’s hand immediately went for the Glock holstered under his arm, and he raised it, sweeping his arm over each of the Saviors in the area. “Which one of these pricks did it, Trinity?”

Benny’s three guards followed suit, raising their weapons and training them on one of the Saviors. It wasn’t a very smart move on the man’s part, since the Saviors in the area, including Gigi’s team, immediately raised their firearms, outnumbering his armed people by six to one. The community leader’s eyes darted from person to person, his gun following his line of vision.

“Benny,” she spoke calmly and softly to the man, “let’s talk about this. I’m going to signal my team to lower their weapons, and then you and your men can lower yours.”

“No!” Benny swung the gun around to point it at her head. “We’ve put up with enough of Negan’s shit! You think I’m going to lower my weapon so it’s easier for you to take me out? Screw that!”

She could see a slight tremor in his hand. This man obviously wasn’t cold hearted, or his physical confidence would match the level of his verbal threat. Reasoning with him might work. She held eye contact with him as she spoke. “I won’t be able to take you out since I don’t have my weapon at the ready. You’d shoot me before I had the chance. No one else is going to fire as long as you have a gun pointed at my head, I can assure you, right guys?” she called to the Saviors without moving her head. She could only hope this was true of Keno and Timmy’s people. She knew her own team would only act on her orders in this situation. As she talked, she discreetly moved her hand out an inch from her side to catch her team’s attention and used two fingers and her thumb to mimic the shape of a handgun. She then slid her hand downward two inches as if she was putting it in a holster on her leg.

Her team immediately but quietly lowered their weapons and moved back into a casual stance, startling Benny since he had not seen her hand motion. This served two purposes in Gigi's mind. She wanted to let the man know the people with the automatic rifles weren’t a physical threat. She also wanted to let him know she could command her people without his knowledge, which could be to his detriment. Gigi could see Keno and Timmy look at each other in her peripheral vision, and lower their weapons as well, following her team’s lead. Their teams followed suit, used to following their leaders’ simple physical cues.

She could see Simon to her left, hurrying down the walkway, reaching for his Baretta, having come out of one of the buildings to find Benny’s men with their guns raised. “I’ve got this Simon,” she called to him lightly, hoping he would respect her desire for him not to get involved. She signaled him to put his gun away, and even though he was not familiar with her sign language, he understood the simple command and lowered his gun to his side.

Benny took all of this in with a frown, but relaxed his posture slightly,  as he kept his weapon trained between Gigi’s eyes. “You can try to make nice,” he told her, “but your man’s behavior is unacceptable. You let him get away with that shit at home?”

“No, we don’t. Sexual harassment isn’t tolerated where we live,” she informed him.

“So, beating people to death for no good reason is acceptable, but you expect me to believe you draw the line at feeling up minors? Right, lady. I wouldn't be surprised if anything goes at your place, with the way you treat people.”

Gigi couldn’t speak to the comment about beating people to death, so she ignored it. “With all due respect, Benny, we could say the same thing about your community. The fact your women and girls are sexually harassed regularly by one of your own men doesn’t inspire confidence this place has the highest moral standards, either. I'd say neither of us is in a position to judge the other.”

She knew she was taking her chances, despite her polite manner, in bringing up Luke’s behavior. Her hunch Benny would overreact was correct. His posture shifted back to an aggressive stance, as he pushed the muzzle of his gun into Gigi’s forehead. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about! We don’t do that shit here! What kind of fucking people do you think we are?” She could see Keno and Timmy’s men tensing, wavering as to whether they should draw their weapons to defend her. She raised her hand, to show them her palm, on her side which was facing them, hoping they would get the message.

Keeping her voice and demeanor calm, she moved her eyes to Trinity and Barbara who had slowly backed away from the scene when everyone’s weapons were raised and were now standing about ten feet away, Barbara holding her daughter behind with a protective posture. “Trinity? Can you tell Benny what you told me? You’d be doing me a _big_ favor,” Gigi joked lightly, and then said more seriously, “and he needs to know.”

“It’s true, Benny,” Trinity piped right in over her mother’s shoulder, to defend the woman who had saved her from Dave’s advances.

Benny’s head whipped around to look at the teenager incredulously. “What? What are you talking about?”

“She’s right, Benny,” Barbara confirmed, obviously annoyed the man wasn't sure if he should believe her daughter. “Any of the women can tell you, Luke can’t keep his hands to himself. Ask Janet or Lana. Ask Jenny. Ask any of the women, for that matter.” There was relief in her voice as she spoke, as if she was happy the story was finally being told.

“Can you lower your gun, Benny, so we can talk? This is more than a little uncomfortable for me.” Gigi appealed to the leader in a soft tone. He glared at her for a moment, trying to process the disturbing information, but then finally lowered his weapon and holstered it.

“I can assure you our man will be dealt with when we get back home,” she appealed to him. “I can also assure you he will never be sent on runs to your community again, or any other community. And I would hope,” she continued, “it will be made clear to your man Luke his behavior won’t be tolerated.”

“You can’t tell me how to run my community!” Benny had started to soften as Gigi made her promises, but her suggestion about how Luke should be handled made him fume incredulously. He seemed disturbed by the news one of his men was harassing women, but he didn’t like the idea of an outsider telling him how to manage his people.

“No, I can’t, Benny, but I can tell you if I check in with the women who live here the next time we visit, and your little problem hasn’t been solved,” Gigi leaned into him for emphasis, speaking calmly so only he could hear, “your man Luke will be missing his testicles before I leave your compound.” She knew he and his people were afraid of the Saviors, and she played on it. “I’ll make sure your women are safe, if you won’t.”

Her words had the desired effect, and Benny stepped back from her, nodding slowly. She walked over to Barbara and Trinity, telling them, “If the harassment continues, you let me, or one of my team know next time we’re here.” She pointed to her five people, lined up beside the front gate.

She gave the two women a smile as she turned away from them, calling to her team and the Saviors, “Time to pack up and go, people! Let’s leave these nice folks alone.” She made her way over to Gil, pulling him aside and ordered, “Get the trike and skateboard out of the truck and give them back to that woman and her little girl.” She gestured to the pair standing with the rest of the community's residents.

“But…” the man started to argue.

“No ‘buts’. Do it now,” she commanded calmly. “I’m really disappointed in you, Gil. That was just a shitty thing to do. Make it right.” The man looked at her, shocked at Mary Sunshine’s sudden potty mouth. He turned back to the truck and followed her order because he was upset Gigi was disappointed in him, and worse, she was mad at him. He had really fucked up.

The commander wanted to tell the Saviors to take all of the personal items back out of the trucks and leave them, but she couldn’t undermine Negan and Simon’s authority. Even if she didn’t like it one bit. She’d have to sort it out with the two of them when they returned to the factory, along with her personal questions about the morality of the Saviors actions. If tributes were about beating, bullying, and stealing, as she’d pieced together, she wanted nothing to do with them. And she wouldn’t ask her team to be involved in anything she wouldn’t do herself. The fact Negan may have set this example for the lieutenants and enforcers to follow was upsetting. She made sure her inner turmoil was not evident to anyone around her as she made her way to the back of one of the trucks, conferring with Liz  for a moment.

“Timmy, I want your team in the back of the truck with Liz. Keno, your team will ride and work with me,” she ordered.  “If we’re going to be working together we need to all be on the same page. You boys need to learn some hand and body signals, and you’re going to start right now.”

_________

Negan had gotten word from the Josephs, Gigi had gone on the tribute run with Simon when he radioed them at lunchtime to ask if they’d seen her. He’d left their apartment at eight, and when he’d gone back to check in and see if he could get a lunchtime piece of ass, she wasn’t there to meet him as she usually did. She wasn’t with her team in the training room either. Of course, he searched the whole fucking building because other than the day she’d hidden from him after her disappointing search for her kids, he always knew exactly where she was.

He was a bit fucking irked she hadn’t filled him in before she left, and spent the afternoon stewing about it. It wasn’t about the fact she’d left without telling him. Well, maybe it was a little fucking bit about that, but he was more irked she went on the tribute run at all. They had discussed the possibility of her team backing up the lieutenants and enforcers on tribute runs, weeks before, when Simon had suggested it to them. It had originally seemed like a good idea, but once he’d thought about it in depth he’d realized it wouldn’t work. Not that Gigi’s team wouldn’t be able to physically back up the other teams out in the communities. There was no question they would handle themselves and any conflict which might occur better than any of the fucking lieutenants and enforcers. The thing which convinced him Gigi’s team wasn’t right for the job was more personal in nature. It was her fucking moral compass.

Negan had spent a lot of time, too much fucking time when he thought about it, considering how Gigi would respond if she saw the Saviors in action out in one of the communities. He may have spoken too soon when he and Simon told her she should not only lead her own elite military team, but also lead the lieutenants, so all the teams were more cohesive if they needed to work together. She agreed, and had been putting together a training schedule which would be implemented when she was back to full speed, physically.

The problem was, he knew she wouldn’t be happy about the way he, Simon and the rest of the Saviors handled their business with other groups, especially how they started their relationship with new groups. He knew it was brutal, but it was important to let people know, from the fucking start, who was in charge. If they had to waste one asshole from a new community, to make sure everyone fell in line, so be it. It was important the communities know they couldn’t get one over on the Saviors, and if anyone fucked with them, there’d be a price to pay.

He’d realized the need for harsh measures shortly after they’d started trading redirect services for goods. The leader of the first community they bartered with was grateful for the Saviors’ help with thinning out the dead ones around their community at the edge of Belle Haven. The people had a good thing going, fencing off a cluster of homes with supplies from a nearby home improvement mega store. The dozen or so families residing there were living comfortably, raising chickens, and canning enough home grown vegetables and fruits to get them through the last few winters. The leader was proud to show off their gardens and pantry, and Simon was just about salivating after the tour, thinking about roasted chicken, fresh eggs and produce.

Their biggest weakness, the group’s leader had confided, was their lack of weapons and training to ward off the packs of roamers which frequently came through their area. Simon played on their weakness, telling the man he was lucky the Saviors had come along when they had, because they had sighted a large herd of dead ones headed toward the other end of Belle Haven. He assured the man the herd would be moved out of the area and any other groups who might threaten their community would be handled as well. Simon had struck a deal, in the middle of summer, for a quarter of their food stores, every week.

The deal had seemed to be fair, and Negan had sent the Joeys out to redirect the walkers in the area. Because the Belle Haven group had excess in their pantry, the first few tributes brought in a sizable amount of food. They were canning more food than they needed for their small group. However, once the summer wore on and rain was more sparse, the offerings became smaller each week. In addition, the community’s original leader was killed on a scavenging run, and the new man in charge, Bill, was an asshole. The Saviors showed up a few weeks after the new leader took charge, to find more armed guards on duty, along with the leader sporting a new piss poor attitude.

Negan had decided to ride along that day to check out two of the communities contributing to the factory. He thought it was time to make his presence known, and it turned out the timing for his ride along couldn’t have been better. Words were exchanged between him and Bill when the man announced they no longer needed the Saviors redirect services. They had scavenged a load of firearms from a sporting goods store, in an area close by, and could defend themselves.

Since the factory desperately needed the goods Belle Haven provided, Negan argued a deal was a deal, and since the Saviors had kept roamers out of their area so they could get to the sporting goods store to savenge the weapons, Bill’s group would continue to provide goods. The Savior’s boss warned him with a charming smile, “You don’t want to get into a pissing match with me. You’ll lose.”

Bill was cocky, challenging him, and minutes later the idiot was dead, his head smashed to bits by Lucille. The rest of his community were on their knees, new weapons confiscated, and they were given a lesson on “how things are gonna fucking work from now on”. Negan then decided half of Bell Haven’s goods was a more reasonable offering, considering the invaluable services the Saviors provided.

Shortly after the confrontation with Belle Haven, the McClean settlement, who also paid tribute to the Saviors, started to resist sharing their goods with Simon and his team, claiming they barely had enough to feed their people. Negan arrived at the community the next day, making it clear he and Lucille would be in charge from now on. When the Saviors left the compound, the heads of two of their mouthy leaders were spread across the ground, and the rules of their agreement were reiterated to those still standing. Or, as it were, to those still kneeling.

It was the start of a new dynamic for the communities trading with the Saviors, and he informed Simon he didn’t have time or patience for these idiots’ fucking bullshit, so he was going to start all of their new trade agreements with his unique show of force.

In Negan’s mind, the communities were lucky the Saviors were around to save their sorry asses from both the dead and the living, and they should be willing to pay whatever price necessary to keep their people safe. From that point forward, any and all property the communities owned were fair game for tribute to the Saviors, who would pick and choose what they wanted for themselves. Was half too much to expect? Maybe. But they could go fuck themselves if they felt otherwise.

Negan had never fucking questioned his actions or his judgement when it came to how he ran the Sanctuary, his business with other communities, or his military. That is, until Gigi showed up. More and more often he found himself curbing his instincts to rule the Sanctuary with an iron fist, and relied more on “killing his people with kindness” as his spitfire put it. He had been joking with her one day, as he always did, about how his people just fell all the fuck over themselves to be near Gigi, and to earn one of her smiles or her touch. She had countered he shouldn’t knock it until he tried it. She found it more satisfying to garner people's respect with love, kindness and badassery, rather than fear. She assured him that his people would start falling all over themselves to be near him, as well, if he tried to be a little nicer to them.

“Here comes Old Man Daniels,” Gigi had pointed out to him as they walked around the exchange floor one day, “Ask him how his knee is doing.” The man was limping towards them, and when he saw Negan looking in his direction, he lowered his eyes, continuing on his path.

“Hey, Old Man!” Negan decided to play his girl’s game, and smiled at the man when he was a few feet away, ducking his head a bit to put himself in the elder’s line of vision. Daniels looked at him, a mix of confusion and apprehension on this face, stopping when the leader blocked his path. “Gigi tells me your knee has been bothering you,” he disclosed, concern evident in his voice. “How’s it feeling today?”

The older man stared at him for a few seconds, the shock at the boss’s interest in his welfare evident on his face. “Uhm. It’s a little worse today, since it’s rainy outside. It’s always worse when it’s wet,” he finally revealed.

“Well, if you need to go see Doctor Carson, you just tell him Negan sent you,” he nodded at the man. “No points needed.”

A smile started at the old man’s mouth, and worked its way up to his eyes as he considered Negan’s interest in his welfare. “Thanks, boss,” he nodded, “I really appreciate it.” Then he did something which startled the leader. Daniels shocked the man by reaching out to squeeze his upper arm and give it a pat before he walked away.

The boss man caught Gigi smirking at him as Old Man Daniels walked away. He gave her the hairy eyeball as they continued to make their way across the room. For Negan, the social experiment was over, but his girl had other plans. “Janet!” she called out as they approached a young woman he recognized from the kitchen.  “I was just telling Negan I felt bad you and Teddy have to leave your newborn with a sitter all day because you both work the same shift. He thinks it’s terrible, and he’s going to look into changing Teddy’s guard shift to evenings for you!”

The young woman looked at Negan hopefully, and then she smiled at him, her face and eyes lighting up at the prospect. The boss gave Gigi a smile which lasted three seconds too long before he turned back to the new mother. “Of course we can make a change in the scheduling! Nothing more important than bonding with your newborn!” he empathized, his voice dripping with saccharin. “We’ll have Teddy’s schedule changed within the week.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Negan! Thank you!” the young woman gushed before she walked away.

Gigi looked up at the ceiling and around the room, feigning cluelessness as he turned to her once the woman was out of earshot. “Don’t even try it!” he cautioned. “You said kill them with kindness, not give them the fucking world!”

“Aww come on, _Mr. Negan_! Look how much you brightened her day. Doesn’t that kindness feel even a little bit good for you?”

Negan stared at her with a raised eyebrow for a moment before he whispered, “It doesn’t feel as good as the piece of ass you’re going to owe me later for fucking with me.”

“Small price to pay,” she lamented in a dramatic tone. “I’ll sacrifice myself for the good of the masses.”

Though he’d never admit it to her, he kind of liked when his people smiled at him, and called out a greeting as he passed by now. After they got up from kneeling, of course.

Janet, from the kitchen, had even made him some fucking awesome ratatouille when he’d mentioned to her it was his favorite. Fuck Charlie with his smoked gouda eggs and smoothies for Gigi when she was laid up. Negan would bet he couldn’t make ratatouille as good as Janet’s.

His girl was innately kind, and he knew she struggled with violence and killing, despite her military training. “Just because I had to do it down in Panama doesn’t mean it’s easy for me, Negan,” she’d confided one night, as they relaxed with drinks in their apartment. “I joined the army to help people, not hurt them.”

They’d discussed the fact once the apocalypse started, she’d only killed people who were a threat to her or her people, and even then she had remorse. Too much fucking remorse, Negan thought, and he told her so. “Sometimes killing a person is the only way to make a point, Gigi. We’re living in the wild west again, and maintaining dominance can only be achieved by force. It’s the just way it is.”

“But why does anyone have to maintain dominance?” she’d challenged him. “Why can’t everyone be on a level playing field? No aggression, just harmony?”

He’d huffed out a laugh, informing her harmony was a naive and idealistic concept in a world full of lawless assholes.  

__________

 _Ahh, fuck. Here we go._ He could tell she was worked up about something when she stepped off the truck. Seeing him in the area, she immediately signaled for everyone to show their respect, but the minute he dismissed the crowd she was pulled aside by Gil, who was having a hard time meeting her eyes as he spoke to her. Gigi wore a serious expression as he spoke, nodding at the man a few times. Negan walked towards them, wondering if he would get the low down on why she was pissed by listening in on their conversation.

Gil gave him a worried sideways glance as he approached while his Special Ops commander ignored her boss, keeping her focus on the enforcer in front of her. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed in me,” the man was telling her.

“I _was_ disappointed in your behavior today,” Gigi responded, clearly aggravated, “because I know you are better than that. Next time you can show me the man I know you are in here.” She patted his chest, over his heart.

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” A tiny smile turned up the corners of Gil’s mouth as he nodded at her, relief showing on his face as she suggested he help the other men unload the trucks.

_What in the flying fuck? He didn’t want to disappoint her? The man you are in here? What the fuck kind of Mr. Roger’s military is she running? Only my girl._

Gigi turned immediately giving a staccato whistle, and called, “Dave!”, flicking her index and middle finger to signal him to approach her. Negan was surprised when the rest of the men from the run, not only her own team, immediately responded to the sound of her whistle, heads snapping in her direction to give her their full attention, and then went back to unloading the trucks when they heard her call Dave’s name. _She's been teaching them her team's signals._  The man hesitated for a minute before putting down the load he was carrying and walking towards the commander.

Both Gigi and the Sanctuary’s leader watched the enforcer walk in her direction, his eyes holding hers, one eyebrow raised, his cocky expression confirming his lack of respect for her authority. When the man was a few feet in front of her, she surprised Negan as she suddenly dropped to her hip and one hand on the ground, kicking his feet out from under him, by shoving full force low on his shins with both her feet as he moved forward.

Negan’s breath caught in his throat as he watched Dave start to fall forward over his spitfire on the ground, but his brain caught up with his emotion, and he remembered her badass fighting skills just as she rolled out of the man’s way, and then moved to straddle his back on her knees, viciously yanking his hair to pull his head back and to the side to expose his jugular to her tri blade, which had magically appeared in her hand. _Fucking A! Goddamn, that’s fucking hot._

“Now Dave,” she called out loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear. She kept her eyes on the man, but watched in her periphery as those who hadn’t seen her take down Dave were elbowed by those who did, and all eyes moved in their direction within five seconds. A hush fell over the crowd. Negan was directly to her left, and she heard him chuckle as he leaned back against the door of the closest truck to watch the show. Gigi focused herself again, instructing the man beneath her, “If you are going to challenge a person of authority, don’t pull some passive aggressive bullshit, where you shove them with your shoulder as you walk by. Take them down. Show them who’s boss!”

She removed her knife from his throat as she spoke, waiting for the man to respond as she knew he would. His hands were flat on the ground close to his chest, where they had landed when he tried to catch himself when he fell. He suddenly shoved upwards and rolled to his back, trying to buck the petite commander off himself.

Negan grinned as his spitfire rolled backward and to the side in what looked like a sloppy summersault, but she landed on her feet in a squatting position and immediately popped up, unsheathing her bowie knife in a flash so she held a blade in each hand. “Come on Dave, weapon up.” The man moved to standing, six feet in front of her. He was already out of breath, a confused look on his face. “You want to challenge me? Do it right.” She cocked her head at him, waiting.

Dave’s eyes started to search the stilled crowd, finally stopping on Negan. He raised his eyebrows, asking without words, if he had permission to fight her. He was almost hoping the big boss would stop this confrontation before it went any further. While one side of him was sure he could beat this wisp of a woman hands down, the other side had heard about what she’d done to Jasper, Rich and Buck. That wouldn’t happen to him, he reassured himself; he’d be ready for her.

Negan’s response was a simple nod. _This fucker doesn’t know what he’s in for. Idiot._ It was obvious the man was going to get hurt. Dave had shoved her while they were out on the run, and she needed to make an example out of him. As much as Negan wanted a go at the man for his disrespect, he had to leave the matter to her, because any intervention on his part would only undermine her authority, and possibly cause further dissent among his lieutenants and enforcers. This had to happen, but he wasn’t fucking happy about it. Her fighting skills were top notch, but she could still get hurt or killed in this knife fight.

Dave pulled his hunting knife out of its sheath, transferring it to his left hand. He then pulled a small hatchet out of his belt where it hung, holding it in his dominant hand. He squared his shoulders, looking Gigi in the eye, and waited.

 _Perfect. He thinks he can do more damage with the hatchet, but the knife would be the better choice for his dominant hand. This is going to be a cinch._ Gigi jerked her chin up at him, letting him know it was on.

They naturally began circling, Dave looking for an opening, Gigi waiting to counter a sloppy move she knew would leave him vulnerable. She noted how he kept moving closer with each step, and she was ready when he finally felt he was at a good distance to make his move.

He brought the hatchet up, swinging it forehand from his right to left, aiming for her side. He swung with too much force, wanting to take a chunk out of the commander, but he made the mistake of lunging as far forward as he could on his front foot, pushing all his weight forward, which would make it hard for him to move back away from her quickly. A simple shift backwards of Gigi’s front foot, and then a shift forward with the same foot, put her in the position to swipe her bowie knife across his exposed side as his arm arced past her in it’s swing. It was clear he didn’t know how to fight two handed, as his hunting knife hung ineffectually in his left hand.

It was obvious to everyone including Dave, she could have easily stabbed him and chose not to, simply dragging her bowie knife from his side to his stomach, grazing his skin instead, to make him bleed. Stunned, he grunted at the painful slice of the knife.  

He immediately tried to swing backhanded at her as he twisted back in her direction. She countered by shifting her left wrist so the blade of her knife was pointing at the ground and dragged it diagonally up outside of his arm. The move would have severed his extensor muscles, one of her tried and true moves, but she simply cut the skin, instead.

The man looked down at the gash she was slicing into his arm as his axe swung back across his chest and out past his side, leaving his chest wide open and vulnerable to her dagger. She lunged forward, bouncing on the balls of her feet to keep her weight centralized, the tip of her tri blade breaching his skin through his shirt, threatening to puncture his chest. Blood was running down his torso and arm as he winced from the pain of the cuts.

“You ready to call uncle?” she challenged him. She had made her point. There was no reason to do any more damage. She kept her dagger in his skin as she waited for his response.

Dave knew she could have mortally wounded him twice in less than thirty seconds, and she could have slit his throat when she had him on the ground. The enforcer looked at Gigi and nodded solemnly.

 _Jesus. Every fucking move she makes gives me a goddamn boner._ Negan watched his spitfire with a grin and a gleam in his eye. He was relieved, but not surprised in the least she'd put the man in his place so quickly. Her skills and her accuracy were awe inspiring, and he was glad everyone had gotten to see her in action. No one would fucking dare to challenge her again, once word got around about her skills with her weapons. The precise control of her movement and her blades were like nothing he’d ever seen. What fired up his dick the most, though, was the fact she had anticipated and countered Dave’s moves more than once, highlighting her absolute fucking superiority over him, both intellectually, and physically.

The boss man joined Gigi and Dave, as she called for everyone else to go back to work. Once the crowd's eyes were back on their work, she stepped closer to the enforcer, and Negan’s eyebrows shot up as she moved her dagger from his chest to the crotch of his jeans. He was pretty fucking sure the tip of her dagger was pushed through the fabric because Dave's face was suddenly pale, his forehead glistening with perspiration as he stared at Gigi with wide eyes.

“I'll discuss with Simon and Negan what happened in Fairfax today, and they'll let you know the consequences for your actions. In the meantime, I've made the executive decision you are no longer allowed to go on runs to other communities. In addition,” she threatened as she stepped even closer to him, “as your military commander and as a member of this community if I ever catch you, or hear you’ve been, touching a woman or a child without their consent again, you and your balls will be parting ways. Do you understand me?”

Negan bristled as he realized what had happened on the run and he added his own warning, “And if she doesn't castrate you Davey, I will. Arat!” he called over his shoulder to the lieutenant standing a few feet away, “Take Dave to see Doctor Carson, and then put him in cell number one for the night.”

Simon approached Gigi and the big boss and Arat lead the wounded enforcer away. “What the hell happened out there today?”

“Gentlemen, we have quite a few things to discuss. I’m thinking we should take it inside.” Gigi replied curtly. “The meeting room in a half hour?” She left them no room for response as she turned on her heel and walked through the double doors into the first floor of the building, leaving them staring at each other behind her.

_Ahh, fuck me. This isn’t going to be pretty._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts, my lovelies. Let me know how I'm doing with the story, my characterizations, any feedback is welcome! XOXO


	17. Making Light Of All My Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he entered the rec room ten minutes later, Negan found his girl standing on a bar stool, cheering on Arat, who was laying on the bar on her back, shirt jacked up to her boobs while Keno slurped liquor out of her navel. The crowd was cheering wildly, and the boss cringed as his spitfire wobbled precariously on her stool after jumping up and down with excitement, pumping her fist in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Negan, Simon and Gigi have a meeting.
> 
> Negan and Gigi play hide and seek.
> 
> Gigi blows off some steam.
> 
> Gigi is tequila honest with Negan.

* * *

_The sensations were intense. His breath on the side of her face as his hands ran down her sides, pulling her tee shirt out of her pants. The feeling of his broad hands sliding up the ticklish skin of her sides as he pushed the fabric up and then pulled it over her head. A whisper of sound as the fabric slid down the outside of her pant leg and hit the floor, quickly drowned out by the sounds of his light moan as his lips met the side of her neck._

_Every sensation was heightened by the total darkness of her closet on the second floor. Her closet. What was once a place of punishment, had since become her place of comfort. Her respite. A place to sort out her feelings and organize her thoughts._

_But today the dark and the quiet served another purpose. Intensifying their senses. Heightening their arousal.  Bringing their deep seated connection into focus. Because in the pitch dark it was all about feeling. And hearing. She brought him here to revisit the moment in time which had been their beginning. She needed to experience her feelings and her passion for that man again. Before her perception of him had been clouded. Before he betrayed her trust. Before she found out about Frankie. To remind herself._

_“I need to feel you,” she told him as she dragged him down the hall by the hand, a puzzled look on his face as she lead him in the opposite direction of their apartment._

_She heard her own intake of breath as she felt his lips and teeth graze along her skin, one of his hands threading through her hair and caressing her scalp, pulling her head to the side for better access to her neck. His broad tongue and wet, open-mouthed kisses moved across her shoulder to her collarbone as deft fingers worked the clasp of her bra behind her back._

_She firmly massaged his growing erection through his pants, listening to his breath become more pronounced and then turn into a quiet grunt when she used her other hand to fondle his balls, none too gently. Just the way he liked._

_“Fuck … Gigi,” his husky voice whispered in the dark as he pulled the straps of her bra down, his fingers circling her arms, tapping one wrist with his thumb to signal her to move her hand from his cock so he could pull the strip of fabric over and off her hand.  He then repeated the request with her other hand, once the first one was fondling him again, so he could pull the second strap over her hand._

_He could feel the fucking smile on her mouth as he moved to kiss her. Chuckling on his lips, he knew, at his desire to keep at least one of her hands focused on his pleasure as he undressed her. “I’m not that selfless, Gigi,” he whispered before he flicked his tongue across her lips, teasing her. He didn’t have to see her to know her smile disappeared as she desperately chased his lips for a kiss. It was his turn to smile._

_______________

A riot of emotion waged all-out war within her … anger, sadness, disappointment … she just didn’t know which was leading the charge. She’d told Negan and Simon to meet her in a half hour because she needed the time to get her thoughts together. Jogging up the four flights of steps to the apartment, she dropped her clothes as she crossed the main room to get to the bathroom. Turning the water on hotter than she normally liked it, she took a ten minute shower, using the time to calm her jumble of emotions and organize them, and her thoughts. She needed to be clear and concise when she met with the top two, and she really was having a hard time trying to piece together what her points of discussion should be. She finally realized that worse case scenario, she would simply talk about what happened with Dave, and with Benny, and leave the rest to discuss after she sorted it out.

“Should we talk before we meet with Simon?” she heard Negan’s voice call to her over the sound of the water, his tone soft, a mix of curiosity and concern. She shifted her face out from under the water and turned in his direction, spotting him leaning against the door frame. He must have been watching her for a bit before he spoke.

“No. I need a few minutes to myself.” There was nothing more to say at the moment. She wasn’t ready. “Please?” she added when he didn't move, giving him a small nod. She didn’t like sending him away, but she needed some space. In the military, she’d handled any situation which came at her, and as an officer, there was no place for emotions visible to those around you, especially your subordinates and your superiors. She felt the need to maintain those boundaries in the Sanctuary’s semblance of a military, even in this new world, but the lines weren’t as hard and fast as they had been before the turn. She was living and sleeping with her boss, and didn’t have the space to hide and sort out her thoughts and feelings. Negan was going to know if she was upset over something which happened during training or on the job.

___________

After talking with his right hand man for a few minutes while his people unloaded the trucks, the leader high-tailed his way through the factory, stopping first at the meeting room to see if she was waiting there, and then making his way up to their apartment. He really wanted some time alone with her before they met with Simon.

Frustration was radiating off of her unchecked, because she thought she was alone. As always, he could read her like a fucking book, watching her as she washed her face under the shower spray with fast, jerky movements, eyes closed, head back. Her frown, and a loud growl of discontent, confirmed his suspicion. He just wasn’t sure of the source of her upset. Was it just about Dave? Was it about the fact she could have been killed when that bastard Benny pressed a gun to her fucking forehead?

Simon had filled him in quickly about what he’d gathered had happened in Fairfax. He was in the dark other than what he had witnessed and heard after he’d happened on Benny, holding a gun to Gigi’s head. The second in command hadn’t had the chance to talk to her yet, since he’d driven their truck as she gave a lesson in signaling to the crew in the back.  

He left the bathroom, more than a little surprised at her request for him to leave her alone, stopping to pick up her clothes from the floor and putting them in the hamper. He gathered a few things, putting them at the edge of the bed closest to the bathroom, and then left to walk down to the meeting room to wait.

Gigi dried off quickly, toweling off her hair as she walked out of the bathroom, smiling as she spotted a handful of things Negan had left on the bed for her. A clean pair of his boxers, her go-to comfy jeans, and her well worn Led Zeppelin tee shirt she'd won in a bet with Stan the Man were laid on the bed, along with a fresh bra and pair of socks.

He'd done it to save her time, because he knew she hated to be late, her self-absorbed prick. He'd also left her the bottle of ibuprofen she kept on her nightstand, because he knew all of the activity of the day would likely kick one of her headaches into high gear. He was right.

____________

She was all business as she came into the room and sat at the end of the table, opposite Negan. The conference table was about ten feet long. He sat at one end, with Simon two seats down from him on one side. The fact Gigi sat in the chair furthest away from them conveyed her attitude towards them, and they were all well aware of it.

“I'd like to talk about Dave first,” she suggested. Both men nodded at her, waiting for her to begin.

“Liz and I watched Dave follow a teenage girl around the side of one of the buildings in the Fairfax complex today. He had no reason for being in that area, which raised our suspicions, along with his poor judgement in following a young girl into an isolated area.” Gigi spoke in a very matter-of-fact tone,  listing off the sequence of events. “When we rounded the corner of the building, he was standing in front of the girl, less than a foot from her, and was caressing her cheek with his fingers. She was obviously petrified. I ordered him to step back. When he didn’t respond immediately, I raised my weapon and insisted again. I felt the action was warranted, given his lack of response to my authority, but you can let me know if you feel otherwise.”

The leader furrowed his brow, looking at her curiously. _Does she really think I wouldn’t trust her fucking judgement? What the hell?_

She continued, looking between him and Simon, “When he finally moved away from her, he shoved past me, knocking into me with his shoulder. Liz witnessed the whole thing, if you want to hear her side of the story.” She paused, waiting to see if the men had any input or questions, but they just nodded her on. Gigi went on to explain how things had escalated when the girl’s mother had gotten involved, and then the community leader.

She told them about the man, Luke, who apparently sexually harassed all of the women of the community, and how she played on their fear of the Saviors to ensure the man would leave the women alone in future. “But I also promised Benny that Dave would never set foot in Fairfax again, or any other community. I may have made that promise too hastily, but I feel it’s not just about the women who shouldn’t have to put up with his behavior. His actions today could have stirred up a serious and unnecessary conflict between the Saviors and Fairfax. He exhibited a serious lack of self control and poor judgement.”

“And you could have been killed today, Gigi.” Simon added.

“I don’t think _I_ would have been killed, because I know exactly how to handle a man like Benny, and I did. But yes, Dave could have gotten someone killed today. You can let me know if there is a problem with the promise I made to Benny, to keep Dave away from them. I hope you’ll honor it, even if you don’t agree with it.”

Both men looked at her, seemingly perplexed at the idea they may not agree with her.

Gigi ignored their expressions as she went on. “He also continued to disrespect my authority on the drive back here. While I was teaching Keno’s team some sign language and verbal signals, Dave kept trying to make conversation with his team. Keno spoke up before I had the chance, telling him to shut the fuck up or he’d walk home.” She smirked at the memory, and made a mental note to thank Keno later.

“So Dave was insubordinate in more than one instance today, along with his pedophilial tendencies, which could have caused major conflict or harm for our crew, and you in particular.” Negan had listened to every detail of her report, and summarized to be sure he had the story straight. The thought the asshole could have gotten his girl - or anyone else - hurt because of his warped fucking sexual predilections, more than pissed him off. Dave’s blatant disrespect for Gigi, along with the fact he’d shoved her, was making him see red. _The fucker was an absolute fucking idiot to fucking mess with her. He may as well have spit in my fucking face. Questioning my choices in leadership? Fuck him._

His spitfire nodded at him. “I knew it would happen at some point. I knew there’d be someone who questioned whether I was in my position of leadership because of my relationship with you. That’s why I felt it was important to physically take him down in front of everyone. So it doesn’t happen again, by him or anyone else. His behavior towards me couldn’t be tolerated,” she explained. “I needed to make an example of him. Perhaps I should have checked with you both first, instead of leaving you in the dark. I know first hand how frustrating that might be for you.” Her voiced had more than a hint of veiled sarcasm as she raised one eyebrow at him, commiserating with him at the thought and making him wonder about the meaning behind her empathy.

The leader and Simon both nodded at her and then the second in command recommended to his boss, “I’m thinking Dave needs to spend some time in a cell, and on the fences, and I agree with Gigi he shouldn’t be allowed to go on runs to other communities. What the hell is wrong with him, messing with a kid?” A look of disgust came over Simon's face.

“I’m pulling him from Keno’s team. Let’s demote the fucker’s ass. Keno can pick a replacement.” Negan suggested, as Simon nodded in agreement. “Dave should feel lucky his ass doesn’t have to spend some quality time with Lucille.”

“Speaking of people spending quality time with Lucille ...” Gigi decided to take the plunge and discuss her questions about the Saviors relationship with their contributing communities. “The impression I was given before the run today, was we provide a service for the communities in exchange for goods. It became pretty clear, shortly after we arrived today, that Fairfax views us as adversaries, not allies. Benny mentioned one of his people being beaten to death for no good reason. I couldn’t speak to his assertion, since I was completely in the dark as to what he was talking about. It left me in a bad position. Luckily he didn’t figure out I wasn’t in the know.” She was quiet for a moment, sliding her husband’s ring on and off her thumb, her elbows resting on the table as she thought about how to continue.

She looked up at Negan, and then Simon before stating, “I felt foolish and angry, being completely clueless about the nature of our relationship with Fairfax, despite the fact I asked several people, both of you included, about how the tribute runs work. I even asked you why you needed backup for the run, Simon. No one was honest with me.” The displeasure in her voice was evident as she went on, “Did either of you stop to think about the fact that leaving me and my team in the dark could be dangerous for us? I can’t lead your Special Ops team, and be responsible for your lieutenants and enforcers if I’m not privy to everything which affects your relationships with other communities. Especially if my team is going to be asked to interact with them or even act against them.” She looked back and forth between them, before she appealed to them, “I would hope you wouldn’t want to put me or my team at a disadvantage which could get us hurt or killed, or put my team in a position where we might get one of the other Saviors killed.”

 _Fucking fuck._ Negan knew she was right as he stared at her, tapping his index finger on the table in front of him. She should have been told the truth. The whole truth. A knock interrupted his train of thought, and Gigi got up to answer the door, finding Keno on the other side. She motioned him in, which aggravated Negan because he wanted to address Gigi’s concerns. Or maybe he didn’t. Not yet, anyway. _Shitfuckdamn._

“What’s up, Keno?” he greeted the lieutenant with more than a hint of irritation in his voice.

“The Joeys told me you guys were up here. I wanted to talk to you,” the man explained.

“Go ahead.”

He turned to Gigi, addressing her directly. “I wanna apologize for Dave’s behavior in the truck today.” The lieutenant looked from the commander to the two men at the other end of the table, and then back to Gigi before continuing, “I hope you know Dave’s disrespect isn’t a reflection of how me and the rest of my team feel about your leadership.” Guilt washed over his features  as he looked Gigi in the eye. “Dave made some comments about you being chosen to lead the Sanctuary’s Special Ops team last week, and I want you to know I defended your position. I know how badass you are, since I’ve seen you in action.” He smiled at her, but then his forehead furrowed as he continued, looking at Negan, “I told him he better shut his mouth, or he’d be eating his teeth, but I realize now I should have reported what he said.” He looked back at Gigi revealing, “I heard he shoved you. I’m really sorry. I just thought he was bullshitting when he was trash talking. I never thought he’d do something to act out against you.”

“Sit, Keno.” Gigi gestured to the seat next to her before Negan had the chance to speak. As the man sat down, she patted his hand as he placed it on the table. All of the tension left the man’s body at Commander Mary Sunshine’s touch. “You had no way of knowing he was going to act on his discontent, Keno, so don’t worry about what happened with Dave. Since you mentioned it, though, you are probably right to report to us if you hear anyone bad mouthing anyone in charge here.”

She looked at the Sanctuary’s leader, who nodded his agreement, then back into Keno’s eyes. “If people doubt their leader’s abilities, it could lead to a dangerous situation out in the field. People need to have faith I’m always acting in their best interest, and have no doubt I’m best qualified to lead them. Are you aware of anyone else who’s not happy with Negan’s decision to put me in charge of Special Ops, or have you heard talk of anyone who is unhappy with my leadership skills?” Keno shook his head as she added, “Would the rest of your men, or anyone else you know of, be afraid to follow me into battle? Because in order to trust me they need to be absolutely certain I would die to protect you, them, the Sanctuary and its leader.” She glanced at Negan and Simon for a moment, her expression deadly serious, her eyes full of emotion.

 _Ahh, fuck. I am a total fucking piece of shit._ Negan nodded at his girl slightly before he looked down at his fingers resting on the table, afraid his expression would betray his pussy ass affection and wonderment for the woman at the other end of the table. _She would fucking die for me. Die for me._

Keno looked at her with awe for a moment before he shook his head in response to her question quietly vowing, “Gigi Ray, me and my men ...  especially me, would die to defend _you_ , too. And our home and the people in it.” Suddenly aware of the intimate nature of the discussion, Keno, blushed, looking down at his hands. The room was quiet for several seconds as they all let the weight of the commander and lieutenant’s combined loyalty sink in.

“Jesus! This mutual love fest is making me want to heave my goddamn lunch!” Negan joked to lighten the moment. He got up from his chair, walking around to Keno, and squeezed his shoulder. “You done good, man, coming up here to talk to us. Pick a replacement for Dave, because I’m pulling him off your team permanently. And go have a couple of drinks on me. Invite your team, Gigi’s team, and the Dick Brigade along, too. And if you hear anyone else bad mouthing any of my people in charge, you let me know.”

“Thanks, boss!” Keno smiled as he got up from his seat and headed to the door.

“Hold on, Keno; I want to talk to you a minute.” Gigi turned back to her two superiors as she grabbed the edge of the door on her way out. “Can we continue our discussion later, gentlemen? I’d like to consider what we’ve talked about and how we might improve things.” She kept her statement general, to keep Keno out of the loop, and when Negan nodded at her with a squint and a head tilt, she quickly turned and left.

She gave Keno a hug in the hall outside of the meeting room, thanking him for his loyalty. “I realized today, besides the hand and verbal signals we taught you guys, my Special Ops people should work with the other teams so we’re all on the same page in a situation like we experienced today.” The man nodded at her as she continued, “It will be safer for all of us. We all stumbled a bit out there when Benny aimed his gun at me.”

“I noticed that, too,” Keno admitted. “I didn’t even know you’d signaled your team to lower their weapons. Al told me about it right before I came up here, when we were talking about what happened out there. The teams not knowing what to do, or how to read your signals could have cost you your life, Gigi. Made me a little sick when I thought about it.”

“Me too, Keno,” she joked with him, smiling, “so let’s work together to fix the problem.” She squeezed his hand before turning to walk away, breaking into a jog when the man turned the opposite corner and was out of view. She wanted to get out of sight of the meeting room before Negan or Simon walked into the hallway. She didn’t want to talk to either of them at the moment. She was too pissed off. And upset. And humiliated. She breathed a sigh of relief as she turned into the stairwell and descended the steps to the second floor.

Sitting on the floor of her cell, the jumble of thoughts she’d experienced in the shower and at the meeting all came together, along with the emotions she realized she was fighting as she left the conference room. She needed some space to talk it all out in her head and her dark, quiet closet would give her the needed solace to do so.

Pissed off, upset, and humiliated. She listed off her most bothersome emotions. She was pissed off the man she trusted more than anyone, left her vulnerable out _there,_ by keeping information from her. He left her vulnerable in a place where you had to have your wits about you at every single moment. Out there, where you had to always be on high alert, in order to survive, where _not_ being aware of a small nuance, or a tidbit of information, or not being in sync with your people could cost you your life.

She was upset she had assumed he had faith in her skills and her ability to lead her team and the rest of his fighting force, when in reality, he didn’t trust her at all. If he did, he wouldn’t have kept information from her. She still didn’t fully know what it was he was keeping from her, and why he felt he couldn’t trust her with it, or why he didn’t think she could handle it. But she knew she needed to hear it from him. She had her suspicions as to what he was keeping from her. She knew enough about how his mind worked and she could just about piece together the big, almighty secret he’d kept from her. Benny’s words echoed in her head. _Beating people to death for no good reason is okay with you people._ The idea was shocking, if it was true, but she wouldn’t think about how she felt about it until it was confirmed.

She was humiliated to realize she would lay down her life for him, but he didn’t respect her or her position enough to be truthful with her. Humiliated because everyone, even her friends, Arat and Laura, felt she couldn’t handle the truth. They’d all lied to her, by omission, and it could have cost her her life, or even worse, someone else’s life. She could cut the women some slack, because it wasn’t their responsibility, professionally, to explain how Negan and Simon ran their operation. But she would have assumed, as her friends, they would have at least told her they weren’t comfortable filling her in. Negan and Simon, though, had no excuse, as her superiors.

Her shock over the way the Saviors acted at the Fairfax complex was another matter which she needed to sort out. It was clear the two groups didn’t have an amicable relationship. It was also clear Simon felt the Saviors were entitled to anything they wanted to take from the community, not just the specified food and goods which were scavenged to fulfill their agreement. The fact the Saviors had entered the residents’ individual apartments, and taken their personal items, shocked her.

The question about how _half_ was decided on, and measured came again to her mind. The fact there was no set amount to be paid to the Saviours made it easy for variations in the offerings to be suspect and questioned. It was a bad way to do business.

No matter what the community offered, there was no excuse for taking the mattress off someone’s bed, when the Saviors had stacks of them in storage, or a trike from a child. The Saviors’ show of force she’d witnessed and the invasion of the residents’ homes couldn’t be labeled as anything other than bullying. She questioned whether Negan set the example for Simon and the others to follow, or whether Simon was abusing his authority. She had no way of knowing until she talked to Negan.

She moved to lay on her side on the floor, her elbow under her head acting as a pillow. She was suddenly exhausted, she assumed from the stress of the day. She was back to napping on a regular basis since Bobby had attacked her, which was one of the reasons why Negan felt she wasn’t ready to go back to work yet. Maybe he was right. She was tired, nauseous, and her cheekbone ached despite the ibuprofen she’d taken. For some reason, she felt overly emotional about the day’s events, all of her feelings magnified. She closed her eyes so she could rest for awhile, not ready to go back out into the Sanctuary and possibly run into Negan.

__________

She was fucking hiding from him again, damn it. After the meeting, Negan walked the perimeter of the property along the fence while he thought about what the fuck had happened that day, and what the fuck he needed to talk about with Gigi; both Commander Gigi _and_ his spitfire Gigi.

After he circled the property he walked around the factory. He looked for her in their apartment, on the factory floor, and in the cafeteria before he realized he was glad he hadn't found her. He walked longer than he intended to, making his way into parts of the building he hadn’t seen since he had taken control of the place three years before, parts of the building he knew Gigi wouldn't be. He kept meandering, because he wasn’t ready to talk to her yet, because he didn't know what he was going to say. Christ. Now _I’m_ fucking hiding from _her_.

As much as he hated to admit it, he was in the fucking wrong. He should have laid everything out on the table for her, and let her decide if she could handle his harsh tactics and whether she wanted to go on runs to other communities. _What the fuck? Why am I even worried the leader of my military might not agree with the way I run things? It’s MY fucking military. I can do things any way I fucking want._

Let her decide if she wanted to go on runs? That wouldn’t fucking work. The leader of his teams needed to take orders from him, no questions asked. She couldn’t pick and choose what the fuck she was and wasn’t willing to do. She could either buy in to the way he worked with the communities, or she could step down from her position.

The problem was, he was too fucking close to this shit _._ If it were anyone but Gigi, he would go about his business and not give a flying fuck whether _anyone_ was unhappy with the way he ran things. Before she came around, it was all about him. As it fucking should be. He shouldn't have to worry about what she might not agree with.

It took him quite awhile to realize it as he wandered, but after a few hours of agitation over the matter, it hit him like a ton of fucking bricks. He could fucking tell himself he didn’t give a shit about what Gigi did or didn’t want to do. He could tell himself he didn’t give a flying fuck whether she chose to step down if she didn’t like the way he ran things. He could tell himself he didn’t give a shit who ran his military and his Special Ops team, it didn’t have to be Gigi. But if he was honest with himself, which just fucking sucked ass, he had to admit he gave a big fat fucking shit about all those things.

If he was being honest with himself, he also knew why he didn’t tell her the truth in the first place. He knew why he was acting like a big, fat, pussified coward and was now the one avoiding _her._ It was because he already knew what her reaction would be to the fact he killed a member of each new community to let people know he was in charge.

 _Jesus Christ_ . _I’m living in Mr. Roger’s fucking neighborhood.  MY fucking Sanctuary is now Mr. Roger’s fucking neighborhood, thanks to Gigi’s fucking glitter and pixie dust. I was laughing at that pussy Gil earlier for it, but I’m just as fucked in the head as he is, because I can’t stand the thought she’ll be fucking disappointed in me._

_Fucking fuck it all to fuck. And just fuck._

____________

Gigi woke up after two hours feeling a little achy from sleeping on the hard closet floor, but she felt lighter after the discussion she’d had with herself before she’d fallen asleep. She wanted to find Negan and talk things through with him. She had been so angry, and hurt after the run to Fairfax, but she knew hiding from him wasn’t the answer.

She made her way up to their apartment, and then wandered around the factory for a short time trying to find him, to no avail.

Deciding she would simply wait until they met up back at the apartment at bedtime, she made her way to the cafeteria to grab a quick sandwich. She thought about borrowing Fat Joe’s walkie to call Negan, when she happened on her fat and skinny friends in the hall, but she didn’t want to be _that_ woman who would hunt him down at work so they could talk about personal business.

“I heard you kicked some ass today … ” Skinny greeted her with a grin.

“ … and that you almost got killed!” Fat Joe countered with a worried look. Skinny’s smile immediately turned into an equally worried frown at Fat’s words.

“Boy, good news travels fast.” Gigi smirked, shaking her head. “I did kick some ass today, but the threat of death was minimal,” she corrected Fat Joe with a wink.

“You headed to the bar?” Skinny queried, “Everybody’s there.”

She remembered Negan’s offer to Keno for free libations, and decided she could use some liquid relaxation herself. “I am now!” she laughed. “I’m going to run to get a sandwich, and I’ll be right there.”

__________

When Gigi approached the rec room twenty minutes later, taking a bite of the second half of her sandwich, she could hear a party in full swing. Music was blaring through the doorway, and sounds of laughter and chatter filled the air. A roar went up as she entered the room, her name yelled collectively in greeting. It warmed her heart, and affirmed the teams all backed her decision to put Dave in his place.

“Where’s my shot?” she called out, looking at the faces around the room with her eyebrows raised, her arms out by her sides, palms up in a questioning gesture. Keno quickly appeared next to her, handing her a shot of tequila and squeezing her shoulder. Raising it in the air, she saluted, “To the Saviors!” shooting the liquid down her throat as the rest of the group raised their glasses to cheer and drink with her. She made a show of tossing the empty shot glass high in the air to Little Timmy behind the bar who caught it with one hand, two feet above his shoulder without turning to look at it, impressing the crowd. “Fill ‘er up!” Gigi yelled as he caught it, everyone cheering their approval.

The drinking quickly became fast and furious and word of a party in the bar quickly spread around the factory, eventually tempting all of the Sanctuary’s off duty lieutenants and enforcers to join in on the fun. The festivities were in high gear by five o’clock, everyone in the rec room pleasantly buzzed or downright intoxicated, Gigi included. She had a bad feeling the five shots she had downed would not help her chronic nausea and headache come the morning, but she was determined to blow off some steam and have a good time with her friends. She’d worry about the aftermath later.

________

After crossing the bridge from the warehouse back into the main building, Negan entered the stairwell on the fourth floor at five thirty to head down to his third floor apartment after his afternoon full of agitated meandering. Cocking his ear, he heard music filtering up from one of the lower floors. Intrigued, he followed the distinct sounds of the beat of Queen’s _We Will Rock You_ , two stomps and a clap, executed precisely by what he could hear were several dozen of his top echelon as they sang the song’s chorus in the bar.

As he approached the rec room, he could hear his woman’s voice, raspy and rich, belting out the last verse of the anthem.

_Buddy you’re an old man, poor man_

_Pleadin’ with your eyes gotta make_

_You some peace someday_

_You got mud on your face_

_Big disgrace_

_Somebody better put you back into your place!_

Negan chuckled as everyone else in the room joined in for the chorus, continuing to keep time with their feet and hands. The floor outside of the room vibrated with the beat. He stood across the hall from the doorway, moving into position to watch the performance, shaking his head with a smirk at the wild woman on the bar. Her hair was falling into her face, disheveled. Her feet were planted two feet apart on the bar top, knees slightly bent.  The heel of her left foot was moving up off the bar and back down, keeping time with the song. Her body rocked back and forth with each shift of her foot on the beat. Her hands were low in front of her, palms out, fingers flicking upward in an invitation for the crowd to join her in song. She looked like a fucking rock star.

 _“We will, we will rock you!”_ the crowd sang.

 _“Sing it!”_ Gigi urged, cupping her ear with one hand. As she pointed to a few people in the crowd who she felt weren’t exuberant enough.

 _“We will, we will rock you!”_ They responded, more loudly.

 _“Everybody!”_ She encouraged them, motioning to herself and then over the heads of the people in front of her.

Negan was stymied by the meaning of the gesture, but the people standing directly in front of her nodded up at her, fists pumping in the air, some of them motioning her towards them with both hands.

 _“We will, we will rock you!”_ they bellowed.

The leader’s eyes went wide as his spitfire dove forward over the crowd, fearlessly, arms pulling into her chest as she rotated herself to a face up position, mid air, like a fucking figure skater as the hands below her all raised up to catch her, scrambling to grasp body parts or clothing. The crowd continued to sing as they passed her around the room, Gigi singing the last lines with them, serenading the ceiling, one fist in the air.

_“We will, we will rock you!_

_We will, we will rock you!”_

_Jesus fucking god._ She was lucky she didn’t face plant on the floor. _Is she out of her fucking mind? She’s not even fully recovered from her last injuries. And who has their fucking hands on her ass? Is that Fat Joseph’s chubby hand?_ He shook his head in exasperation as she crowd surfed back to the bar. With two heaves to give her momentum, the group tossed her back onto the bar top where she righted herself and turned to face them in one beat.

_“We will, we will rock you!”_

His rock star used a chorus director’s gesture for the final two words, moving her hands out from her sides, positioned like a duck’s open bill. The group caught on immediately, stopping in unison at the end of the final word, when her thumb and fingers came fully together, and her arms stopped moving.

 _“All right!”_ She finished the song to thunderous applause and whistles, and she threw her head back in laughter.

Gigi looked around the room, heady from a combination of the five shots she’d drunk and her interaction with the Saviors in the room. Her eyes landed on Negan outside the door, and her smile faltered momentarily as her earlier upset came roaring back full force, heightened by the alcohol she’d consumed. She jumped down from the bar, walking into the middle of the crowd to mingle, casually watching the door to see if he would join the party. He didn’t.

Two hours later, she sat at a table near the wall with her team, playing a drinking game.  

“I did!” Gigi protested loudly, her level of vehemence matching her level of inebriation. “I did meet her! She was in DC for a … a …. something at the Kennedy Center. She came to the restaurant where I worked, for dinner. She had a date with her. They told me she didn’t talk to anyone the _whole_ time she was there. Her date did all the talking for her. But she talked to me! Me!” She pointed to herself, her face and body language full of exaggerated attitude. “I’m not kidding! I’m _not_!”

“You’re trying to tell me you met _Elizabeth Taylor_? What did she say to you?” Reg eyeballed her skeptically as she attempted to set her full shot glass on the edge of the table. She missed, pouring the alcohol into her lap.

Gigi started laughing, and then she laughed a little harder before she responded. “She asked me where the ladies’ room was!”

“That’s a lie!” Reg’s team mate, Liz, challenged her.

“No, it’s not! It’s a truth! Ha! You three drink!” The commander pointed at Liz, Reg and Tayvon.

Reg looked at her empty shot glass, and then patted her fingers in the tequila on her pants and then licked them in compliance.

“Now that is just pathetic, Reg!” Slug eyeballed her attempt to save her spilled shot.

“Naw, Reg! You gotta do it like this!” Tayvon turned to her and suddenly dropped over at the waist in his seat, his head below the table in Regina’s lap. The rest of the team immediately rose up off their seats to see what he was doing.

“Jesus, Tay! I might just go straight if you keep that up!” Reg fondled his dreads as the man sucked on the fabric of her pants with gusto.

“Nice!” Liz admired, the others around the table nodding in agreement.

“Maybe I need to spill some tequila on my pants,” Slug lamented under his breath. Gigi heard him and slapped his arm as she laughed, pushing him into Laura, who shoved him back in the other direction.

“What the hell is going on here?” Simon questioned curiously from his discussion a few feet from the table, as he eyeballed Tay’s head in Regina’s lap.

“We’re playing a drinking game.” Gigi told him very seriously as he watched Tay’s antics.

“That looks like my kinda drinking game!” Simon chuckled.

Laura tilted her head at him, sassing, “Why? You want Tay to put his head in _your_ crotch, too?” She and Gigi laughed a little too hard, giving each other a sloppy high five before they downed their shots of tequila.

“Oh, no! I wasn’t supposed to drink!” the commander fretted loudly.  “You either!” She pointed a serious and accusing finger at Laura, who put her hand over her mouth wide-eyed and genuinely gasped at the revelation as she looked at her empty shot glass. Tay’s head finally came up from below the table at the sound of her distress, causing Regina to look at him wistfully and then curiously, a little shocked at her own remorse at his abrupt departure from her thigh.

Simon took all of it in, asking, “Don’t you guys have training first thing in the morning?”

“Nope!” Gigi answered definitively as her team looked at her curiously.

“I thought you trained every weekday at six?”

The team leader tried to put on her work face before explaining, “I cancelled it.” She looked at her people, giving them an exaggerated wink, whispering loudly, “Just now” before she looked back at Simon innocently, even though he’d heard her.

The second in command watched as the petite woman got up from the table, stacked all of the empty shot glasses inside each other and carried them precariously towards the bar to have them refilled. Watching her stumble more than once, he asked the remaining people at the table, “How many shots has she had?”

“A _ton_!”

“Two.”

“Nine.”

“No idea,” was the final answer he received. Shaking his head, he moved into the hallway to give his boss a call on his walkie talkie.

“What’s up, Simon?” barked the voice on the other end.

“I thought you might like to know the commander of your Special Ops team is fully saturated with Cuervo, having downed somewhere between two and nine shots, and she’s having a hard time standing up straight.”

He heard his boss chuckle as he replied, “I’ll be right there.”

_______

When he entered the rec room ten minutes later, Negan found his girl standing on a bar stool, cheering on Arat, who was laying on the bar on her back, shirt jacked up to her boobs while Keno slurped liquor out of her navel. The crowd was cheering wildly, and the boss cringed as his spitfire wobbled precariously on her stool after jumping up and down with excitement, pumping her fist in the air.

“My turn! My turn!” she yelled excitedly, jumping from the stool onto the bar with both feet, like a kid jumping into a rain puddle. Her feet just made the edge, and he panicked as she started to teeter backwards. Luckily Simon and Oscar were close by and reached hands out to push her forward, avoiding a fall. Gigi was not phased in the least, and stood over Arat waiting for the woman to vacate her spot on the bar.

 _She has lost her fucking mind._ “Party’s over!” the big boss yelled, an immediate hush falling over the room as he approached the bar, pointing first at Arat and then Keno, as if he thought their body shot on the bar was outrageous, and reason to bring an end to the festivities. He didn’t want to call Gigi out on her drunken behavior in front of everyone, so the other two could be his fucking scapegoats, no harm done.

“Sorry, sir.” Arat apologized, unable to look him in the eye as Keno nodded vehemently next to her, pulling his hand off her hip as if he’d been burned.

Negan waved them off as if he didn’t want to hear it, and turned to Gigi. Looking up at her as she stood on the bar, he raised one eyebrow at her and pointed a finger, motioning for her to sit her drunk ass down while she pouted at him for interrupting her fun. She continued to pout as she followed his command scratching her nose sloppily with the back of her hand, huffing at him in discontent.

Negan positioned himself in front of her, his back between her legs. Reaching back, he grabbed her behind the knees and pulled her against his back. “Hold on!” he barked at her over his shoulder. Without another word, or glance in anyone’s direction, he carried her piggy-back towards the door, as if he couldn't get his woman out of the den of iniquity fast enough.

He rolled his eyes as she waved goodbye to everyone enthusiastically, practically choking him with the one arm remaining around his neck, calling out she loved each and every one of the people there and this had been the _best night_ _ever!_ He wasn’t surprised in the least when there was a chorus of, “We love you, Gigi!” in return.

“Awww. Aren’t they the best? They are just the _best_!” she lamented drunkenly, and then changing gears quickly yelled, “Hi, Phil!” A hand appeared in front of Negan’s face from behind, waving excitedly at the man halfway down the hall. “Phil is sooo nice!” she whispered loud enough for both men to hear. “We set him up with Maria’s mom. They’re getting along great!”

Gigi proceeded to greet twelve different people with enthusiasm, talking loudly in Negan’s ear as he carried her, until he finally barked, “Gigi!” giving her the hairy eyeball over his shoulder.

“You know, you need to loosen up, Negan,” she informed him seriously as they climbed the first flight of stairs up to the apartment. “You need to relax more. What's that saying? You’re wound up so tight, if you shoved a piece of coal up your butt, you'd poop out a diamond!” She then proceeded to laugh at her analogy, wriggling herself higher on his back to kiss him on the side of his face six times.

“Gigi!” he barked at her once more in response, trying to sound stern as he started to laugh. “Hold on.” She gripped his waist with her legs and his neck with her arms as he fished his keys out of his pocket and opened the door.

Depositing her on the bed, he made his way into the bathroom to gather some ibuprofen. He came back into the main room to find his girl lying on her back, legs straight up in the air as she struggled to pull her pants off over the boots she was still wearing. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and the salve from her nightstand, he shook his head at her silliness as he sat down beside her on the bed.

“What?” she whined at his expression as she tried to grab the pants hanging upside down off her feet, and missed. “This is _really hard!_ ”

“I’m sure it is,” he smirked at her as he pushed the pants back onto her calves and pulled her boots off, before sliding her jeans off.

“You are sooo smart!” she admired earnestly as he did so. Taking the two pills he handed her next, she sat up and drank a gulp of the water he handed her with them, and tried to hand the bottle back to him.

“All of it,” he ordered seriously. When she looked at him with wide eyes, he added, “You’ll thank me in the morning.”

She made a noise which let him know she thought his request was unreasonable, but followed his order anyway, holding the last guzzle of water in her cheeks for several seconds before finally swallowing it down. Tossing the empty bottle in his lap, she pulled her shirt up over her head and threw it on the floor announcing proudly she had done it all by herself, and proceeded to drop her bra next to it.

Flopping onto her back again she let out a loud sigh as if the whole ordeal had been very taxing. Swiping his finger through the salve, Negan gently applied it around her left eye, hoping it and the ibuprofen would help offset the headache and cheek pain she would likely have in the morning.

“I love how you take care of me, Negan,” Gigi murmured to him, her eyes drifting shut at his soft caress on her face. “It’s one of the _eight billion_ reasons why I love you.”

“Oh, yeah? Tell me some of the eight billion reasons why you love me,” he urged her, wanting to hear what she had to say about him while she was tequila honest. He closed the jar in his hand and leaned to the night stand to set it and the empty bottle down as she pulled at his arm, urging him to lay on her. Pulling off his shirt, he positioned himself between her thighs, and laid his head on her belly as she began her list.

“I love you because you are so good to me. And I love you because you are handsome, and _really_ sexy and so smart, like you were about getting my pants off!” she gushed in all seriousness. “That, and you run this _whole place_ ! There are like … a _lot_ of people here, and you make sure they all have food, and a place to sleep, and you keep them all safe.”

He could feel her nod as she said it, and smirked to himself. Turning his head, he kissed across her belly, needing to feel her after spending the day agitated about what happened in Fairfax, and her upset with him. He knew they still had issues to settle, and she was angry with him, but here she was still listing off the reasons why she loved him.

“Hmmmm. That feels nice! I also love you because you’re a good belly kisser,” she sighed, running her fingers through his hair as she continued, suddenly sounding much more sober, “And because you save me all the time. From myself, from all the memories of the bad things that happened to me before I got here, from Bobby … ” He looked up at her then, finding her gazing at him with her blatant affection, despite the fact he’d been a huge fucking prick in keeping such important information from her about their relationship with the other communities. “And I love the way I can just touch you, or feel you, or kiss you, or make love to you, and it makes everything okay for me. You make everything all better.”

Negan was suddenly overwhelmed by her words, and the reverence in her tone, and he crawled up to lay nose to nose with her, running his lips over hers lightly several times before he kissed her passionately, wanting to show his spitfire he felt the same way about her. She had swept into his fucking miserable life and made it, and him, all better.

He felt her melt into him and was amazed, as always, how she fit him fucking perfectly. Their lips, their bodies, their personalities. They were two completely different people, in every way, physically and emotionally, but they still fit perfectly in every fucking way. Pulling back from her, he simply nodded as he looked into her eyes, not able to convey his thoughts verbally, then laid his head between Thelma and Louise, caging her in beneath him, savoring the feel of her.

She was quiet as she continued to run her fingers through his hair, and he listened as her breathing evened out and her soothing strokes on his scalp eventually stopped when she fell asleep. He remained still, feeling her heartbeat under his cheek, beating in her chest, and reveling in the warmth of her.

“I’ve killed for you, Gigi,” he whispered to her as she slept, recalling the sentiment she expressed during their meeting with Simon earlier in the day, “and I would fucking die for you, too, before I would ever fucking let you die for me. Because I couldn’t live on this lousy fucking earth without you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Elizabeth Taylor story is true. Her eyes really did look violet, as they were always described. I was so mesmerized by them I got flustered, and almost couldn't give her directions to the bathroom. :-D 
> 
> Song in the chapter- We Will Rock You by Queen
> 
> Did anyone besides my beta recognize the quote from a classic 90's movie?


	18. I Dry The Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It's killing me, Negan.” It was ten minutes later when she finally broke the silence in the cab of the truck, moving her mouth away from his side so she could speak. “I can't keep waiting. I can't keep having my heart broken. Each time they're not there, it feels like I die a little bit inside. And each day I'm living my life at the factory, and enjoying my life with you, I feel guilty I'm not doing more to find them, and I feel guilty I'm so self-centered I've created a life without them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Gigi. I think she needs her naughty boy to cheer her up. NSFW my kittens, and if you like things vanilla you may want to do the thing where you cover your eyes and peek between two fingers.

_He could feel the fucking smile on her mouth as he moved to kiss her. Chuckling on his lips, he knew, at his desire to keep at least one of her hands focused on his pleasure as he undressed her. “I’m not that selfless, Gigi,” he whispered before he flicked his tongue across her lips, teasing her. He didn’t have to see her to know her smile disappeared as she desperately chased his lips for a kiss. It was his turn to smile._

_This was a great fucking idea. Jesus. He couldn’t believe how fucking intense everything felt in the pitch dark closet. Every fucking touch of her fingers, or her lips was heightened ten fold. Fuck me! He knew his connection with Gigi was deep, but this was different than he’d experienced with her before. He_ _’d_ _never_ _been_ _a touchy feely guy, but this shit? This shit was unreal. He was fucking drowning in the feel of her. Little things he normally didn’t pay attention to, were jumping out at him left and right; The feel of her soft as fuck fingers running up and down his back under his tee shirt, the_ _whisper_ _of her breath teasing the sensitive skin right below his ear, the front of her pants brushing against his boner just before she'd grabbed it and his balls with her hands, working him just the way he liked._

 _Feeling her chase his lips at the tease of his tongue, he held her head with his hands and slid his lips along hers, so lightly, barely fucking touching her,_ _hearing_ _her panting._ _He listened_ _to her sexy ass whimper as he moved back a fraction of an inch, so she could only feel the heat of him. Up and down, back and forth, his bottom lip barely catching on her upper lip. He moaned at the sensation as she whimpered again, twice._

_“Negan, please?”_

_He heard genuine distress in her voice, as her hands left his cock and grasped at his wrists._ Ahh, fuck. _She’s right. Not the time to play. He knew she needed some fucking reassurance. Pressing his lips immediately to hers, he kissed her with everything he had in him, backing her into the wall, moving into her. “It’s okay, Gigi. It’s okay,”_ _he_ _whispered against her mouth. “We’ll work it out. It’ll be okay. It will.”_

 _She nodded against his lips, her head in his hands, moving her lips back to his,_ _circling_ _her hands around the back of his neck and kissing him deeply, her lips and tongue soft but demanding, her desperation flowing over him, making his chest ache. He couldn’t fucking stand it_ _;_ _he was causing her so much pain._

 _“Need you_ _,_ _”_ _s_ _he pleaded between kisses. She wanted him to make it all better, like she had told him the night she was being tequila honest. Wanted him to make it all go away. He knew he could fuck her, but he knew at least part of the mess he'd made wouldn't go away._ _Still,_ _he wanted to try to make it all better for her._

 _“I’m here. I’m yours, Gigi,” he vowed quietly. He felt a tear running into his thumb on her cheek, and he kissed it away gently. “Always_ _,_ _”_ _h_ _e told her. He tried to think of something more to say, something more to reassure her, but it was the best he could do. He hoped it was enough. He needed her to know_ _-_ _no matter what had happened, and no matter what would happen in future_ _-_ _she came first. Because he was just as fucking desperate for her as she was for him._

 _He continued to kiss her as he reached between them, unbuckling her belt and unzipping her pants, then sliding them and his boxers she was wearing gently down her hips. Breaking away from their kiss he dropped to his knees, untying her boots and slipping them off her feet before he slid her pants and underwear down her legs and off. He rose up on his knees, resting his forehead on her abdomen, his hands kneading her bare hips_ _gently, reverently,_ _as he took a minute to enjoy the feel of her. Her fingers slid through his hair, holding him in place, amazing him_ _to know_ _she still fucking wanted him, needed him, despite all the shit he’d flung at her. “I love you, Gigi,” he turned his face up to her to murmur_ _._ _“Let me show you.”_

_____________

She sat in the SUV alone, on the side of Route sixty six, her head on the steering wheel as she toyed with the yarn bracelet on her wrist where it laid on her lap. Her heart was aching over the fact her last letter was still tied to the family tree, and her children had not shown up again today. It was almost eight-thirty in the evening. The last of the sunlight was disappearing from the sky, and she knew they weren’t coming. But she was waiting anyway. She would wait a little longer before she headed back to the Sanctuary. She simply had to be absolutely certain they wouldn’t arrive after sundown. What if they had been delayed, but were still on their way? It could happen, she reasoned with herself.

When Liz and Laura were with her, or the Josephs, they normally stayed overnight after she waited for her children all day, so they didn’t have to travel the two and a half hours home in the dark. A drive which took twenty minutes before the world ended, was now prolonged by weaving through uncleared congestion on the roadway and the use of back roads when there wasn’t a clear path on the highway accessible by vehicle. Two and a half hours on a good day, or closer to three hours as her journey had been today, due to several stops to clear small clusters of roamers which had come into the area since Fat Joe’s last redirect.

Since she had come alone for this visit, she was hesitant to stay overnight. There was no telling if a large herd of roamers would wander into the area, and she wouldn’t take the chance of being surrounded while she slept in her vehicle, since there was no one to keep watch. She had thought it all out as she drove west earlier in the day. If a substantial group of the dead got the jump on her during the night, her people would be hard pressed to get to her. She knew Negan would send people after her, or more likely come himself, if she didn’t arrive back at the Sanctuary by a certain time the next morning. She wouldn’t want to put anyone else in danger, or herself, so she would head back tonight. She just wanted to wait a little bit longer to be sure her babies wouldn’t show up.

Her head was throbbing, and her nausea was reaching a peak again, and she knew she’d need to get out of the car soon to throw up again. _Lovely._ _What the hell was I thinking last night?_ The tequila she’d drunk the night before was giving her one of the worst hangovers she’d experienced in her life. She and tequila did not get along well, historically, so she was more than a little pissed with herself she’d made it her shot of choice, knowing she had to make the trip today. Her hangover was exacerbated by the pain of the broken bones around her eye socket, and the nausea she had mistakenly thought, a few days before, was almost gone. It had been wishful thinking on her part, she realized.

The urge hit her, and she bolted from the car, sad to waste the amazing roasted zucchini and red pepper sandwich and baked kale chips Maria’s mom had made for her. Gigi had stopped in the kitchen before she left, to make a couple of peanut butter sandwiches to go with the four bottles of water she was taking with her to rehydrate herself and help combat the August heat. The woman really was good to her, and the four sandwiches and six bottles of water forced on her would be welcome should she be delayed in getting back to the Sanctuary or, she had thought at the time, in case the kids were hungry when they arrived at the tree.

When she got back in the SUV, she turned the key in the ignition to light up the dashboard display so she could check the time. Nine o’clock. With a loud sigh she turned the key fully to start the engine. There was no point in waiting longer. It was time to go.

__________

 _What the fuck was I thinking, bringing a truck with a fucking bench seat to drive for two and a half hours with two other grown men?_ He hadn't really thought about it when he'd grabbed the keys from Blaine, he was in such a hurry to get on the road. It was uncomfortably quiet as Negan drove south on one of the back roads off Route sixty six, looking for the turn he needed to get back onto the main road, past the traffic jam his people had yet to clear. Skinny sat next to him in the passenger seat, with a flashlight and a map, squished into Fat’s side, because he didn’t want to crowd his boss. Fat Joseph didn’t dare comment about it, even if the armrest on the door felt like it was damaging a rib or two. He knew exactly why Skinny Joe was practically sitting in his lap.

Both Josephs were dragged away from the compound close to dusk, when Negan ran into them after dinner. Seeing them on the property, and having seen Gigi’s team in the cafeteria at lunch time, the big boss knew she’d fucking taken off alone to go meet her kids. The fact was confirmed by Blaine, the new mechanic, when Negan questioned him about whether anyone had signed out a vehicle. The new guy told him she was alone when she came for the key. He, Simon and Gigi were the only three allowed to authorize vehicles to leave the premises. He’d also tracked down Oscar, via walkie talkie, who confirmed she was alone in the car when she went through the gate while he was on guard duty that morning.

She had been sleeping early in the morning when Negan left her to start work. Since she’d been up several times in the second half of the night to heave up her fucking tequila, his plan had been to let her sleep a little longer and come back to wake her in a few hours. He’d been delayed, and by the time he’d gotten back to the apartment three hours later, she’d been gone. When he’d seen Liz and Laura, training with the rest of Gigi’s team and then eating lunch together, he’d assumed she’d made the run with the Josephs, that is, until he’d run into them after dinner in the hallway. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he had demanded to know, loudly, causing both men to stutter out their reasons for walking down the first floor hallway.

He knew why she’d gone alone. She’d done it because she’d woken up later than she would normally leave for her road trip every other Tuesday, and she hadn’t wanted to waste the time hunting down, or waiting for someone to accompany her. _Son of a fucking bitch! She fucking knows better!_

“Gimme the walkie!” he snarled at Skinny Joe, who scrambled to hand it to him. He’d tried calling Gigi as they’d left the Sanctuary, knowing she was well within the fifty mile range of the device. She hadn’t answered.

____________

She’d brought the walkie with her, and she glanced at it on the seat next to her, wondering if she should turn it on now. If she did, she would probably have to listen to Negan rant at her for the two-plus-hour drive. If she didn’t turn it on, she should enjoy the silence until she got closer to home. Deciding she wasn’t in the mood to listen to him carry on, she chose Option B.

____________

The Joey’s listened as Negan’s calls to Gigi changed with each attempt to reach her.

He started with, “Come in, Gigi. Gigi, come in.”

He progressed to, “Gigi, you need to report your status,” after the second and third try.

“You need to turn your goddamn walkie on,” was his next greeting, He didn’t give a fuck if it was nonsensical.

Ten minutes later he followed with, “If your walkie is turned on, and you’re fucking listening to me and not answering, it is _not_ going to be pretty, Gigi!”

“Stop fucking with me, Gigi. I mean it!” was his next aggravated call to her.

Finally, "I am more than a little fucking pissed right now, Gigi! First you take off alone to go halfway around the goddamn globe, and now you are ignoring your fucking boss when he calls you?” He was quiet for a minute before he added in a reasonable tone of voice, “If Stevie and Elena are with you, you need to tell them it’s _your_ fault I’m acting like a fucking asshole.”

____________

Gigi laughed out loud at his worry about what her children would think about his bluster. She was getting great satisfaction out of the fact she’d been actively ignoring him for over forty five minutes as she drove, having turned on her walkie talkie after she’d relaxed for the first thirty minutes of her drive. She knew she needed to answer him soon, before their vehicles met on the road, so he’d have time to calm down before they actually met up. She had assumed he'd be waiting at the Sanctuary’s main gate for her when she pulled up, but he'd informed her on radio transmission sixteen, he and the Josephs were driving to fucking meet her and escort her irresponsible ass home.

She'd answer him. Soon, but not now.

As she drove around a curve in the road, she changed her mind, picking up the walkie. “New girl calling the big boss! I’m at Heathcote and Catharpin, right before the Seven-Eleven; I’m gonna need help getting past a group of dead ones. Are you nearby?” The Joeys would know where the Seven-Eleven was, since they’d stopped on one of their trips to see if there was anything left in it to scavenge.

The three men in the truck heard her gasp, and heard the thump of an impact before she clicked off.

“Fuck! How far is she?” Negan asked Skinny Joe as he stepped on the gas. They were on Heathcote, so she couldn’t be far. The wingman had trained his flashlight on the map immediately upon Gigi’s announcement of the cross streets, and his finger ran quickly along the highlighted route on the map.

“I’m okay!” the commander’s harried voice came back over the air. “Just hit a stray. But now I’m stuck. There’s a crowd in the road, and there are a few too many bodies for me to handle on my own. How far away are you?”

Negan turned to Skinny, “How far?”

“Uhh, it’s about … ” the man hesitated as he index finger continued it’s search.

_“How fucking far?”_

“Two miles!”

“Stay in the fucking car, Gigi! We’re only two miles away!”

“No can do, boss man. Need to go at them while they’re still spread out! There are more coming this way. Gotta go!”

“Fuck!” Negan slammed his hand into the steering wheel as he sped down the road. “Damn her, fucking playing Warrior Princess right now. She’s going to get herself fucking killed.”

Fat Joseph was sure his friend could handle a few roamers until they got there, because she seriously kicked ass when it came to taking them down, but he wouldn’t dare say so to Negan while the boss was worked up. Not on his life.

A few minutes later they rounded a bend in the road, and Negan slammed on his breaks when he nearly hit three dead ones. There were several dozen of them ahead, moving from all sides into the middle of the road. He grabbed Lucille, and jumped from the truck, taking out the two stragglers with blows to their heads. The tail end of Gigi’s SUV was just ahead, surrounded by a few dozen roamers, but she was nowhere to be seen. There were a dozen and a half or so bodies on the ground around the vehicle, as well.  She’d been busy.

If she was inside vehicle, he wouldn’t be able to see her due to the number of roamers blocking his view through the windows. He knew his girl, though. He knew it wasn’t likely she’d gotten back in the car. She was somewhere in the middle of the mess, trying to take out as many of the dead ones as she could while she waited for them to arrive.

Skinny Joe was suddenly beside Negan as the big boss began swinging at the roamers with Lucille, taking them down one by one. He was swinging from the side to knock them out of his way, and clear a path to his girl as Skinny Joe went at them one or two at a time, with his medieval fucking flails. Negan had heard about the things, the metal sticks with the spiked metal skull attached by a chain on the end, and he’d heard Joe had modified them to lengthen the spikes so they were long enough to pierce the brain, but the boss had never seen them, or seen Skinny in action. He’d heard the young man could be seen practicing his swings in one of the abandoned rooms in the factory, and the gangly techie knew his shit. Negan was fucking impressed, to say the least. The movement of his wiry arms was very precise as he swung them, crossed them, or rotated the flails with his wrists when he needed to land blows in specific locations on the head. To look at him, the leader would have assumed the man was a electronics geek who would go down in seconds if sent out into a pack of roamers. In contrast, Skinny was fucking awesome back up.

 _Where the fuck is Fat Joe?_ He continued to survey the area as the two men worked their way towards Gigi’s car, suddenly hearing a, “Fuck you, you rotten bastard!” growled quietly from somewhere behind the front end of the SUV. She must really be pissed off, because the only other time she used his favorite word was when she was close to an orgasm. He smirked at the juxtaposition as he landed a swing at a corpse moving up on his left, while Skinny took down two on his right, a movement at the SUV catching the leader’s attention.

His girl popped up on the top of the fucking SUV. _Where the fuck did she come from?_ She stood there, illuminated by truck’s headlights, looking winded and bedraggled, walker blood covering her tee shirt and arms. “Good to see you, boys!” she called, causing every walker in the vicinity which wasn't already at the vehicle to turn and head in her direction. “Over here!”

He would have kicked her petite ass for yelling hello in the middle of a crowd of dead ones, but he knew she wasn't really calling to him and Skinny. She was calling the roamers to her, so he and Joe could take them out from behind, reducing the threat to their safety, keeping the walking corpses from fucking piling up on their asses.

_She would fucking die for me._

_Fuck._  He took comfort in the fact this group of dead ones was a manageable number for them to handle, and also she was fairly safe, standing in the middle of the roof of the SUV where rotting hands couldn’t quite reach her. He panicked a bit, though, when the sheer number of bodies pushing towards her rocked the vehicle and almost made her lose her footing. His girl immediately shifted her feet, bending at the knees slightly, one foot in front of the other like a surfer, stabilizing herself despite the rocking motion underneath her, smiling at him as she regained her footing. _Bees knees and fucking more, my girl!_

He backhanded Skinny across the arm, pointing to the right, and they both moved forward, full speed, taking out one roamer after another, thinning the group. He glanced up to check on Gigi as he worked, and found her on her hands and knees, forcing her blades into the eyes looking up at her, one after the other.

A whistle in the air startled the three living persons in the melee, followed by an impressive explosion of fireworks in the sky to the south of them. Negan watched as the hoard of dead ones all turned in unison towards the sound and light, immediately moving in the direction of the aerial display. _Fat Fucking Joseph saves the goddamn day!_

Gigi curled herself into a ball, elbows and knees on metal, staying as still as possible so as not to attract the attention of the corpses, hoping the light show would keep their attention long enough to move them away from the immediate area. Negan and Skinny Joe froze as well, as another burst of light filled the sky, so as not to draw any roamers back to them. The fifty or so remaining roamers shuffled off, leaving them alone in the dark.

Negan stormed up to the SUV ready to lay into her, getting as close as he could given the stack of bodies surrounding it. His demeanor shifted as he looked into the car, then up at her, observing, “They didn’t show up?”

She simply shook her head in response, her disappointment evident on her face.

“I’m sorry,” he offered, despite his agitation with her, running his index finger from right under his eye down to the middle of his cheek, her family’s sign for an apology.

Gigi smiled at his gesture, pressing her index finger and thumb together twice quickly, thanking him, then watched as he and the Joes proceeded to pull several bodies out of the way so she could jump off the front of the car without landing on one. Moving around the vehicle, the four of them dragged any bodies away which would impede moving the SUV.

“Josephs are in the SUV, you’re with me,” he pointed a finger at her and turned abruptly to get into the truck, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Good luck,” Skinny Joe murmured sympathetically to Gigi.

“What’s are you fucking blabbering about?” Negan stuck his head out of the driver’s side window, hissing in Skinny’s direction. The young man swung his flails in circles like a jump rope as he turned and quickly jogged back to the SUV, ridding them of excess walker blood.

Gigi barely had her door shut, when Negan put the truck into gear and took off, bellowing, “What the fuck were you thinking? _"_

__________

It was no fucking fun yelling at someone when they didn't yell back, damn it. She just sat there quietly, looking out the passenger side window, agreeing with a soft, “You're right, Negan,” or “I should have thought about that.”

After five minutes he gave up, glaring through the windshield at the road in front of him. After a few more minutes he reached out his right hand, and cupping the back of her neck softly, he ran his thumb up and down below her ear to comfort her. She immediately moved into him on the bench seat, turning sideways and putting her legs across his lap.  When he put his arm around her shoulders, she put her forehead under his arm and pressed her nose and lips into his side.

“It's killing me, Negan.” It was ten minutes later when she finally broke the silence in the cab of the truck, moving her mouth away from his side so she could speak. “I can't keep waiting. I can't keep having my heart broken. Each time they're not there, it feels like I die a little bit inside. And each day I'm living my life at the factory, and enjoying my life with you, I feel guilty I'm not doing more to find them, and I feel guilty I'm so self-centered I've created a life without them. I know it should be enough they’re alive, and cared for, and safe … at least they were the last time they wrote to me. I try to focus on the positive, and I try not to feel sorry for myself, but it’s been so long, and my hopes have been pummeled so many times I think I have the right to be sad, and feel a little sorry for myself, don’t you?”

He felt her move her face away from his body and sit up, and he knew she was looking up at him, looking for confirmation it was okay for her to wallow in some self-pity. Because she wouldn’t fucking do it if it would be uncomfortable for him, or anyone else. _For fuck’s sake._

He admonished himself for not helping her with her internal struggle, sooner. She could always fucking see inside of him, and knew what to do to support him when he was aggravated, or struggling, but he didn’t do the same for her. He could see her hiding her sorrow the last time she came back from the tree without her kids and he should have been thinking about what he could do to help her handle her disappointment. He knew it was there. He’d just fucking chosen to ignore it, because it was easier than dealing with her raw emotions.

He just wasn’t good at this shit. Would he listen to her if she told him how she was feeling? Sure. That was easy peasy lemon squeezy. There was no fucking way, though, he’d ask her how she was feeling about things. Jesus. Just the thought of it gave him the fucking heebie jeebies.

When he thought about it, he was surprised at how often he’d vomited emotions at her, telling her he loved her and how fucking awesome she was. She’d fucking touch him softly or look at him in her way, or ride his cock just so and he couldn’t fucking help himself. It just came out. It was all fucking true, but he involuntarily spewed it at her, like he couldn't fucking stop it. And she ate it up, while he was cringing he did it in the first place. So while he'd definitely mouthed off some touchy feely shit at her a few times, it didn’t mean he could just spew lovey dovey supportive crap at her all the time, unprovoked.

“Yeah, Gigi. You have every fucking right to be upset _and_ feel a little sorry for yourself,” he assured her.

“Thanks,” she responded, pushing her lips and nose back into his side, under his arm, as if to hide. He heard her sniffle a few times, and then felt her body heave with emotion, and he heard a little sobbing and some other girly-ass crying noises coming from the vicinity of his armpit for all of thirty seconds before he felt her shake her head slightly, as she always did to get rid of her upset. Then she was quiet.

“Really? That’s it?” he asked her incredulously. “Almost wasn’t worth the fucking effort. Or the snot you probably left on my fucking jacket.” He felt her huff a silent laugh under his arm.

“But I feel better after crying,” she informed him.

“Good.”

“But, Negan?”

“Hmm?”

“I need to throw up. Right now!” she blurted out as her head bolted up, and she turned toward the passenger side door, her arm working in overdrive to crank the handle to roll down the window.

The next thing he knew, he was eye level with her ass as she threw the top half of her body out the window to avoid puking on the side of the truck. “Jesus Christ, Gigi!” he grabbed the back of her waistband to steady her as he swerved to the right side of the road and stopped.

“Damn tequila!” he heard her mutter right before she gagged again.

____________

Two bottles of water, some ginger tea from the herb lady, a few more tears after Negan left to have a drink with Simon at the bar when she insisted he needed a break from her drama, along with some good, hard sleep worked wonders for Gigi. She woke up feeling better. Her heart was still heavy, but she decided during her shower she wasn’t going to wallow in her upset. She was going to figure out how to be more proactive about finding her kids. It obviously wasn’t working for them to try to meet every two weeks.

She needed to start making circles of outlying areas to look for the community they were living in, and she needed to talk with some people at the communities the Saviors worked with, to see if they new of a group which had members named Aaron and Daryl, or if they'd seen the kids in her photo. It couldn’t hurt, and she knew her guilt and angst would decrease greatly if she was out there, actively looking for them.

She wasn’t going to beat herself up for not coming up with this idea earlier, because for several weeks, on and off, her different injuries would have prevented her, physically, from doing anything other than riding out to the tree. Each letter she received from the children made it seem like the next meeting date was a sure thing, so she'd patiently waited.

She would start thinking about a game plan, and discuss it with Negan, as soon as possible.

She toweled herself off after her shower, brushed her teeth, and got dressed and put her boots on. It was 5:40. She had a few minutes to love on her sleeping bear, and then she needed to get down to the training room to work with her team. She was going to reinforce some tactical skills with her team, so they could help guide and support the lieutenants when they started working together the following week. The best way to foster a cohesive team, who had each others’ backs out in the field, was to have them teach and learn from each other, as well as encourage each other. She would show her team how to best do so today.

Negan was laying on his back, mouth wide open, snoring lightly. It was absolutely adorable. Crawling up the bed from the bottom, she crawled over him as he started to stir. Straddling his hips, she sat on the bulge on his abdomen she could easily feel since he was naked under the thin covers. She began to rub her crotch on him, chuckling when he clutched at her hips to press her down more firmly against him for more friction, before he even opened his eyes.

“Why do you have fucking clothes on?” he bitched at her as he moved her hips more forcefully, forward and back. Finally opening one eye, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, before he looked back up at her, cocking the eyebrow over his open eye.

“I can see the wheels turning, Negan. Have you figured it out?” she teased him.

“If you grab water and cheese from the fridge to eat for breakfast,” he suggested in his gruff morning voice, “and eat as you jog to the training room, you have exactly twelve minutes to get me off.” He gave her a shit-eating grin, finally opening his other eye as he slipped out from under the covers, flipped her onto her back, quickly opening her pants and pulling them down just past her thighs as she giggled at his tenacity. Laying down over her and straddling her legs, he took hold of his cock and slid it down into the juncture between her thighs, then used his fingers to gently part her folds so he could nestle his dick in the moist heat of her. He began to move up and down in earnest, rubbing along her clit.

“Oh God, Negan!” Gigi panted, moving her hips up to meet him with each thrust. “So nice!”

“Fucking right it is.” Putting his cheek beside hers so he wouldn’t subject her to his not so minty fresh breath, he moved at a fast pace, trying to find quick release.

She could feel him shifting his hips to try to position himself perfectly inside her folds. Holding her fingertips in front of his lips, she ordered, “Lick!”. He quickly complied.  Moving her hand under herself on the bed she cupped the bottom of her ass so her now wet fingertips lay right in front of her opening, so each time he thrust downward, the head of his cock slid between her fingers and her body, and funneled him more firmly against her wet heat.

“Aww fuck darlin’. Talk about nice!”

“This will be even nicer,” she purred at him as she moved her fingers so the tips surrounded and stimulated the head of his cock with each thrust.

“Fuck, Gigi!  Beautiful fucking way to fucking wake me up!” he moaned as he gave her closed mouth kiss to thank her for her efforts.

She listened to his breath coming faster, and could hear him approaching his climax, so at just the right moment, she tilted her hips up to him and pushed his cock just inside her with the tip of her fingers, to help push him over the edge.

“Ahh, fuck! Fuck!  Fuck!” he grunted as he thrust into her a few times, then pulled out and came between her thighs. “And fuck,” he moaned as he collapsed on top of her. Turning his head to the clock he reported, “Four minutes?” before he looked at her with a question in his eyes.

“Yes, I can,” she answered him with a nod. Moving her hand between her thighs she started working her clit, finding it hard to get a full range of motion within the limited space between her closed legs. She was going to need a little booster. “Ass, please?” she begged him, and he immediately slid his arm under her legs, moving his fingers up to wet them in her lubrication. Spreading her cheeks with his middle finger and thumb, he grazed his wet index finger along the pucker of her ass to lube it up, and gently pressed in to the second knuckle, rotating it at the rim as she had taught him to do. “Fuck, Negan!” she whimpered at him, her fingers speeding up, shifting them to slide up and down her clit, since circling wasn’t giving her what she needed. “Fuck!’ She was close, and she had one minute until she had to leave, so he clamped his teeth down on Louise, biting her nipple firmly through her shirt, sending her hips into rolling spasms as she came with a groan.

“Is it time?” she breathed at him after only thirty seconds, eyes closed .

“Yes. If you change yourself into a shirt that doesn’t have my slobber and teeth marks on it, I’ll grab the cheese and water,” he chuckled.

“Deal,” she pouted, not wanting to get out of bed, but knowing she must. Whipping off her t-shirt, she used it to swipe between her legs to wipe off the evidence of their fun, then pulled up her pants and rebuckled them quickly.  Rolling out of bed, she grabbed a t-shirt out of the dresser and pulled it on as he approached her holding two bottles of water and a fistful of cheese cubes. Transferring it all into her hands, he moved around her hurriedly to open the door for her so she could pass through. Turning back to him, she wrapped the arm holding the cheese around the back of his neck, and pulled him down to her for a chaste kiss. “Good morning, Negan.”

“Awesome fucking morning, new girl,” he murmured on her lips before he swatted her on the ass, turned her by the hips to head her down the hallway, and closed the door behind her.

She smiled all the way to the training room, popping pieces of cheese into her mouth to chew as she ran.

___________

Negan dropped by the training room at ten, to bring Gigi a sandwich, because he worried the handful of cheese cubes he’d handed her to eat for breakfast would leave her hungry before lunch rolled around. He found the room empty. He was sure she’d told him she’d be working with her team inside today.

He made his way to the open area at the west side of the property, where Gigi’s team would normally do their weapons training, but the area was empty. Heading back inside, to the exchange floor, he ran into Slug and Liz as they stood on the second floor landing, watching the activity below. They were deep in serious conversation, but immediately stopped talking and took up their position of respect  when he approached.

“The team taking a break?” the big boss inquired.

“We’re done for the day,” Liz reported.

“Really?” Negan squinted at the woman, “I thought Gigi said she had a fuck ton of stuff to go over with you guys today.”

The teammates looked at each other for a moment before Liz replied, “We had a discussion about what happened at Fairfax, and Gigi said she needed to speak with you and Simon before she could answer our questions, so she called it a day.” She stated the facts, trying to be as vague as possible, not wanting to reveal the nature of the heated discussion which had happened in the training room first thing that morning.

 _Ahh, fuck._ Negan didn’t let on he had any idea what the commander wanted to discuss with him. “Thanks, Liz,” Negan nodded at the woman and Slug before he walked away.

______________

Being the big fat pussy he was, Negan avoided going back to their apartment until dusk. He even skipped out on meeting his girl for lunch in their room, knowing she’d assume he’d gotten tied up with work.

“Hey,” she greeted him with her glittery smile when he came through the doors of their place, making him smile with her. He couldn’t fucking help it. This time of day was his favorite, because he could lay all of the day’s bullshit aside and just be with her. Simply bask in his girl’s presence. It was a new sensation for him. He’d never felt this way about anyone before. Sure he’d loved Lucille. He’d loved her enough to marry her, for fuck’s sake, but he’d never loved her the way he fucking loved Gigi. He’d never felt this shit where he didn’t want to be apart from a woman, especially after he’d already gotten into her panties. He’d never felt this shit where he felt a little fucking off from the minute he separated from her. Like a fucking part of him was missing when she wasn’t by his side.   _Fuck, I love her. Plain and simple. I fucking love her. I’m whipped up one fucking side and down the other by my girl._

She was sitting on the couch, writing in an orange spiral notebook she’d started using to make notes and plans for training the teams. She was definitely Type A, wanting everything laid out, outline style, for later reference, whereas his notebooks looked like incessant rambling. She finished what she was writing and closed the book, laying it on the coffee table.

“You had a busy day, huh?” It was a simple statement letting him know she noticed he hadn’t met her for lunch, and he was coming back to her late. Letting him know she missed him, too, when they were apart. Not complaining. She never complained, which he fucking loved about her.

 _I had a busy fucking day avoiding the conversation I know you want to have._ “Yeah, I did.” He hung his leather jacket on the coat rack beside the apartment door, on the hook next to her pink suede cowboy hat, fingering the accessory for a moment before he toed off his shoes and pulled off his socks. He wiggled his toes on the carpet as he looked at her. He had a sense of foreboding he couldn’t explain. He didn’t want to talk right now. He stood across the room, looking at her for several seconds before he used her words to confess, “Need you.”  Feeling like he needed to remind her of some of the eight billion reasons why she loved him before they had their inevitable discussion about how he beat people to death with Lucille to avoid future conflict.

He was standing there across the room staring at her, instead of coming to her to give her a kiss and give Louise a quick caress to say hello, as he always did when they came back together after being apart. _Need you._ There were a thousand words behind those two. Words Gigi knew he couldn’t voice as he stood there, unaware he looked conflicted. Agitated. She immediately rose and approached him, wanting to make it better for him.

He’d tell her what was bothering him when he was ready. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Which was okay, too. Because she knew him so well. Her man who felt deeply and passionately but couldn’t always express himself. There were always a lot of words, but often they were used to cover up what he was really feeling. Even standing there in the moment, anyone else would simply see him as quiet and serious. Pensive. But she knew him. She saw a current of something running just below the surface. She could see it in the way he held himself. In his gaze as he looked at her. In the furrow between his brows.

She moved into him, putting her hand on his cheek, feeling him unwittingly push himself into her touch, making her heart melt. He searched her eyes as she rubbed her thumb over his lips, brushing away the tension which pressed them together. “Take what you need, Negan.”

Her simple statement flipped a switch in him and his lips descended on hers, taking her breath away with his desire and his urgency. He was relentless, kissing her wet and dirty, barely coming up for breath before his tongue was in her mouth again, tasting her, dominating her. The fingers of one of his hands were fisted in her hair, clutching it just a little too hard, in a way he hadn’t done before. In a way Gigi found she really, really loved.

If Negan had a shred of worry he was being too rough with her, her heavy breathing and her hand snaking up around his neck to keep him close put it to rest. His free hand squeezed her ass, digging forcefully into the crease between it and the back of her thigh and making her groan, as he jerked her into him, his strong arms making sure she was as close to him as fucking possible, because he needed more, and all. He needed every fucking bit of her, needed her to chase away the agitation which had eaten at him all day.

Gigi gasped when he spun her suddenly, kissing down the side of her face as she turned it to him. He pressed his chest to her back, hardened cock against her ass, shamelessly grinding it into her as the fingers of one hand splayed across her belly, forcing her back into him. His other hand ran up her stomach to her breasts, kneading them firmly; squeezing and pinching them roughly, expertly, making her moan with pleasure, driving him on.

 _Fucking fuck!_ Grabbing the sides of her t-shirt, he yanked it out of her pants, and pulled it up and over her head in one swift motion, throwing it to the side. He wasted no time unhooking her bra with three fingers and then ripped it off the front of her one-handed, tossing it to the floor as he nibbled and bit the side of her neck.

Gigi whimpered when he clutched the back of her hair again, pushing her head and shoulders forward slightly as he bent over her, mouthing down the back of her neck and across her shoulders as he continued to move his erection against her rhythmically. He hesitated for a split second at the sound, his fingers easing in her hair.

She felt the hesitation, as slight as it was. He was waiting for a sign from her, she knew. Something to let him know she was okay with what he was doing. “Show me why you need me, boss man,” she whispered over her shoulder to him. “Give it to me.”

 _MY fucking girl!_ _Mine._ Seeing inside him. Before the words finished falling from her lips, he fell forward, continuing to mouth down her beautiful back and scars as he wrapped his arm around her waist and bent her further forward, running his lips across the dappled flesh, sucking, licking and kissing, creating a myriad of sensations as his actions fired the sensitive nerves across her back, making her gasp and shudder with pleasure and a hint of burning pain. She felt him smile against her skin as she quivered beneath his lips.

She grunted as he suddenly jerked her more forcefully back into his groin changing his rhythm, roughly rocking his hips forward and back against her as he pulled down the zipper of her cargo pants and slid his fingers into her panties and between her folds. He cursed like a sailor when he found her already wet, more evidence she liked what he was doing, liked him fucking taking control, taking her over, playing a little rough.

Gigi moaned as he started circling her clit mercilessly with a pressure which had her panting and writhing against him, pushing back against his cock in a rhythm complimenting his own. Her mewling prodded him on, and he yanked her pants and underwear down one hip, one-handed, then the other hip, then back again until they were halfway down her legs. The motion of the hand between her thighs was unrelenting as he worked. Lifting his foot, he pushed it into the crotch of the two garments between her legs, pushing them down to the floor as he continued overwhelming her clit with his fingertips. She pulled her feet out of them, kicking them to the side as she mewled at his ministrations, taking the opportunity to spread her feet apart on the floor to give him more room to play.

“Ahh, my good girl!” Negan whispered in her ear, making her smile with satisfaction.

He walked her forward, pushing her hastily towards the couch. When her legs hit the seat, he pushed at the back of her thigh with his fingertips, raising her knee to rest on the couch, then the other knee as he backed off of her long enough to tear off his white tee shirt and then open his fly. Hearing the sound of his zipper, Gigi arched back to him, her hands going to his waistband on either side, pushing his pants down his hips.

Looking over her shoulder at him with a smile, she bent herself over in front of him as he stepped out of his gray twills, making him curse and groan as he pushed them aside with his foot. Grabbing the back of the couch for leverage, she pushed her ass back to grind on his cock, wetting his erection on her pussy as she slid herself up and down and around on him, making him growl as he threw his head back, his eyes fluttering closed at the sensation. He yanked her hips back forcefully to take over grinding his now wet dick up and down the length of her crack, his balls sliding on her wet heat below. _Fucking nirvana._

Gigi felt like she was pulsing from the inside out, the sensation starting in her core and radiating outward as he took up his work between her thighs again. Moving back a half step, Negan’s one hand continued to go at her clit firmly, while two fingers of the other hand slid up and down her wet crack quickly, forcefully, putting pressure on her pucker as they passed, then barely sliding inside her pussy before they backed out and moved back up towards her ass. Up and down, up and down, pressing, and dragging at all the right spots making her whimper and cry out, “Fuck, Negan! Oh, fuck! I can’t …”

He chuckled at her exclamations, as he stopped circling her clit and pushed two fingers up inside her, crooking them to rub her g spot as he ground his hand against her clit, listening to her cries increase in volume.

“Ahh! Ahh! Negan! Please!” Her beautiful body moved perfectly against his hand as she cried out to him.

 _Perfect_ . _Mine_.

Circling her neck with his fingers, he pulled her up and against him swiftly, pressing himself to her back, his lips assaulting her ear with nibbles and bites as he whispered lowly, “Please, what, Gigi?” He increased the speed of his index and middle finger rubbing against the sensitive spot inside her, moving the pad of flesh just below his fingers into her clit more forcefully, causing his girl’s legs to shake.

“What do you need?” he rephrased his question as he turned her head to him, running his lips along her cheek as her hips canted quickly against the motion of the hand between her thighs, urging him to move it faster.

She was so soft and inviting under his touch, and warm, he marveled. The sheen of perspiration showed on her skin as he toyed with her roughly,  making her radiant in the low light of the lamp beside the couch. “Tell me, Gigi,” he repeated, the tip of one of the fingers which was splayed across her mouth, pushing between her lips. _Mine_.

She whimpered as his lips moved to the corner of her mouth, then away, and then came back to brush the edge of her lips again, teasing her in the worst way. Heightening her frenzy, the pulsing sensation increasing as his hand continued to move on her. Pushing her towards the edge. “Need your kiss,” she confessed, biting too hard on the fingertip in her mouth in response to his taunting. Making his hand and arm jerk and making him groan. Showing him she still had a little control as she begged him, “Please?” her raw need for him both carnal and emotional.

One polite request. Asking for his fucking affection. One simple word. Please. _Fuck me!_ This splendid, beautiful, glittering fucking woman, his woman, begging him _please._ His lust for her exploded and he clutched her jaw roughly, turning her further into him, attacking her lips with his own over her shoulder, plunging his tongue into her mouth.

“Mine!” he growled ferally, removing his fingers from inside her and using them to force her knees further apart as he chuckled fiendishly at the memory of a recent discussion they’d had. A discussion in which Gigi confessed she might like him to smack her clit for a little sting of pain. “Maybe you’ll need to punish me sometime,” she’d winked at him. He’d spent the rest of the day fantasizing about it, sporting a fucking boner which didn’t wane for a good three hours.

“Did you just fucking bite my finger, Gigi?” he drawled in her ear as he brought his hand down to cup her sex. He backed it off a few inches and then lightly smacked his fingers back into her to get a feel for her response, then again the instant she whimpered with the first impact, immediately trying to spread her legs further apart. _Fuuuuuck!_

“Oh God, Negan! Yes!” Her response made something in him snap, all his hesitancy gone as he put one foot on the couch next to her, then roughly crooked her closest leg over his thigh. To his delight, he discovered if he rotated his bent leg to the side, it spread her legs wide fucking open for him. So he did it, wanting to fucking giggle with glee as he looked down at her muscular thighs, arched back, and beautiful tits.

 _Fucking God in heaven!_ he prayed to a deity he didn’t believe in because this was as close to a religious fucking experience as he’d ever had as he patted and then lightly slapped his hand against her wet, hot pussy.

He wanted to fucking live in this position for the rest of his goddamn life, with one hand up under her chin, holding her against him, her ass pressing into his cock and her legs spread so far fucking wide she couldn't move if she wanted to. His tough fucking Warrior Princess was totally at his mercy.

He continued to push his knee further to the side, exposing more of her to him, as his fingers lightly slapped her open folds once more. His girl’s hand clutched his thigh in response, the other gripped his bicep laying across her chest, her fingers digging in as he slapped her clit more firmly. Hard enough to sting.

She began groaning as he smacked her clit a bit harder, several times in quick succession, before taking a break to circle it with his four fingers. After several seconds he pulled his hand back and slapped a bit more forcefully.

“What are you _doing_ to me, Negan?” she moaned at him, her voice full of lustful wonder as she nuzzled her nose into his jaw, pressing herself further back into him as he tortured her in the best way with those long magic fingers. _He's got the magic hands, mama._ She wanted to crawl inside him. Her amazing, insanely sexy lover, her magic man who dominated her so easily. This man who drove her to heights she'd never reached before.

“Say my name again, Gigi,” he demanded.

“Negan.”

“Again!” he slapped her clit with more force, reveling in the sound of his name rolling off her lips, and the sound and feel of his fingers smacking against her delicate flesh.

“Negan!”

Gigi was beside herself, groaning and whimpering and gasping, which only fueled the wicked fucking fire within him as he slapped her pussy again with more force. _“Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes,”_ she intoned, worshiping the salacious devil behind her.

Her groaning continued as her head lolled back, her weight relaxing into him as she panted, open mouthed. He felt her legs relax, spreading further open as she whispered to him, “Hard and fast, Negan.”

“Fuck, Gigi!” he snarled, losing his fucking mind as he complied, his lips seeking out hers for a kiss. He clutched her jaw roughly to jerk her lips up to his and he fucking ate her alive as he drew back his hand and smacked her clit firmly again and again and again. He felt her body jerk, and tremble, as she whimpered against his mouth, louder and louder as he kept the same rhythm and intensity, not sure if he should push any further.

“Negan, Negan …” she sobbed at him, sounding slightly delirious as he continued his erotic assault.

_Fucking fuck, I love me the fuck out of this shit!_

“Banana?” he stopped the motion of his hand, pulling on her jaw to bring her eyes to his. A twinkle danced in the devil’s eye as he asked his breathless girl if she needed to use her safe word, worried it was all too much for her. Her response fucking electrified him.

“Fuck you!” Gigi growled her reassurance, offended he'd ask and pissed he’d stopped his divine torture. She bucked her hips forcibly into his hand for emphasis.

Oh, my naughty fucking girl!” He gave her one of his signature full body shivers as he jerked his leg further to the side with a wicked laugh, as he laid a barrage of slaps directly on her clit, one after the other, rapid fire. Stunning her with his precision.

Gigi looked up at him as she cried out in staccato beats matching the rhythm of his hand. Tilting her head back to look at him, she watched him through heavily lidded eyes as she panted and sobbed up at him. His brow was furrowed with determination, the muscles of his jaw clenching and easing under his closely trimmed beard. Her body started to tremble harder, overwhelmed with the sensations he was causing as the barrage continued.

That's when she saw the corner of his mouth turn up into a sinful smile. Her beautiful, nasty boy was reveling in manhandling her, and was feeding off her response. His eyes finally caught hers worshiping him, and they shared a moment of mutual devotion in the midst of their fervor.

Negan felt her fucking shatter.

Her body jerked in its release, her hips rolling forward in waves. She cried out his name over and over as she climaxed, a litany of devotion which fed his fucking soul. “Negan, Negan, Negan...”

He moved his hand from between her thighs and up to her stomach, holding her against him as every muscle in her body seemed to contract in her release. He roughly caressed her belly as he kissed the side of her face softly, repeatedly, knowing she needed the contact, and comfort. “Mine,” he loved her with his whisper as she nodded weakly against him.

The big pussy he was for her could have fucking wept when she used her last bit of remaining energy to softly pant a simple, “Am.”

Negan caressed every inch of her he could reach, running his fingers through her hair, across her lips, and down to Thelma and Louise where he gently visited his best friends for a moment. His hands wandered over her belly and hips and thighs, taking inventory, almost as if to be sure she was still in one piece.

He started out of his peaceful reverie when he felt her hips lightly cant and her ass start to grind against him lightly as her beautiful voice murmured, “Need you.”

 _My fucking turn!_ His coddling ended abruptly as he pushed her leg off his own hastily. He smirked at her chuckle, moving it back into its kneeling position on the couch as he continued to press her to him for support. Growling, he licked his wonderfully soaked hand with a broad tongue after swiping it across his lips, tasting his beautiful girl on himself.

He gave her exactly seven seconds more to relax as he jerked his cock with his wet hand, moaning at the look and feel of her spent and trembling body before he bent her forward, helping her place her hands on the back edge of the couch because he honestly didn't think she'd be able to do it herself.

He wasted no time, once he was sure she was stable, sliding his dick into her pussy, loving the sound of her whimper as he pushed in, as far as he fucking could, just the way they fucking liked.

His hot as fuck girl immediately began moving back against him as she panted, grabbing the sofa tightly for leverage, looking over her shoulder into him with a sultry smirk. He stood still, his hands caressing her hips, enjoying the sensation of her fucking him. So fantastically fucking wet. So hot. _So mine._ _Fuckity, fuckity, fuck! This is fucking niiiice._

His passive role in their coupling ended immediately when his girl made another simple request of him. “Fuck me.” Two words growled over her shoulder which lit his ass on fire as he watched her bend further over, arching her back to tilt her slit up to him as she slammed back into him, setting the pace and depth for him. Showing him what she wanted. _My bossy fucking girl._

 _“Fuck!”_ he shouted at the ceiling as she slammed herself back onto him more forcefully, throwing his head back as he roared. Planting his knees on either side of hers on the couch cushions, leaning into her, one hand running up and down her back and caressing her side, giving her some affection, he started pounding her from behind.

She yelped each time he slammed his cock home, fueling his lust, heightening his arousal as he looked down at his dick sliding in and out of her pussy. He’d never get tired of watching his cock move into her. Never get tired of the feel and sound of her.

_Fuuuuuck! Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._

He watched as the pucker of her ass clenched, making him groan. She did it again, and he heard her huff out another chuckle as he spewed a few choice words at the sight. He pulled back from her long enough to bend down and spit right at the center of her asshole, and then drove back into her as he rubbed his thumb around the rim, pressing on it lightly as he moved, waiting for a sign. A yes or a no from her.

“Yes!” Her one frantic word was all he needed to hear, and he gently pressed his thumb into her. Feeling it clench around him, he shouted out another hearty, _“Fuck!”_ His girl’s cries and panting increased as he rotated and wiggled his thumb inside her, crooking it and pulling at the ring of muscle.  It elicited a noise from her, the likes of which he’d never heard before, increasing his fervor as he wiped the sweat from his brow then grabbed her hip, his fingertips digging in with brutal force as he hammered her.

Pulling his thumb from her ass, he moved one leg and then the other so the flat of his feet were on the couch, and he pounded into her from his squatting position above her, gripping her ass with his upper thighs, pushing his weight down into her, feeling her take it on as she locked her arms in place on the back of the couch. _Fucking amazing_.

He was crazed at the feel of the top of his cock sliding along the top edge of her opening as he pushed harder and faster in short jerking motions.

Not wanting to crush her, he moved his weight off her so he could move hard and deep again. He dropped his feet to the floor, pulling her back onto him with the hand clutching her hip, as he pushed forward, fucking her hard, gyrating, pushing, slamming, pulling.

He slid his wet thumb back into her ass as he let go of her, running a hand up her back and around to her mouth to feel her full lips. Running his fingers along them. To feel her grunts, and moans and whimpers as they came out of her as he fucked her hard, feeling her lips form into the shape of an “o” as he did.

The sound of skin slapping against skin was firing all his cylinders along with the feel of his thumb in her ass, pushing him closer while the sounds of her verbal frenzy played in his ears, and on his fingers. He pushed two fingertips between her lips. Giving her a taste of herself.

One flick of her tongue. One flick of her fucking tongue around his fingertip was all it took and he lost it, pushing himself forward as he clamped his hand down on her shoulder, forcing her back onto him powerfully as he started to climax. Yanking her once, twice, three times as he rotated his hips into her, feeling her softness, and her wet heat on his cock, and his balls and his groin. “Fuck! Gigi! Fuck!” he growled one word between gritted teeth with each grinding thrust as the air was punched from his lungs, leaving him downright fucking breathless, panting heavily to get some air.

“You okay … new girl?” he managed to push out in between breaths, running his hands along her sides as he kissed the middle of her back.

“I’m amazing, boss man,” she returned breathily, and he could see the smile turning up the corner of her mouth as he looked at her from above.

Bending over his girl so his chest was on her back, he rested his wet forehead between her shoulder blades. Relaxed on her, he ran his hands along her belly as she lay collapsed, with her collarbone on the back edge of the couch, arms draped over it lazily, head down, resting as they both waited for their bodies to calm.

Gigi cried out in surprise a half minute later as his arm suddenly encircled her hips, and he lifted her, putting his other arm under the back of her thighs to carry her to their bed where he put her down, rolled her to her back and crawled over her.

His hand immediately moved between her thighs. She spread her legs for him, without thought, making him purr, and he gently moved his fingers between her folds as he kissed her deeply, physically loving on her as he often felt the need to do after he fucked her. Loving on his girl who let the master of her universe fuck her into oblivion. Letting him push her limits, even after everything she'd been through, he suddenly realized. Because she trusted him implicitly despite the fact he was sure he hadn’t done one fucking thing to deserve an iota of her fucking trust. His fucking amazing, glittery, awesome girl.

“Give it back to me,” he ordered, nuzzling the side of her face. He felt her abdomen tense, and he growled as he felt his own seed spill onto his fingers, loving he'd fucking marked his territory. “Mine,” he informed her as he cupped her mons.

“It _is_ yours,” she admitted with a smile.

Her self absorbed prick suddenly jumped up, and headed into the bathroom, coming back with a wet rag and a towel before he crawled back on the bed to kneel between her thighs, spreading them gently apart so he could clean and dry her off, as she enjoyed his attention. Tossing the towels to the floor, he lay down on his belly and gave her clit a gentle kiss, then a tiny lick for good measure.

“How's Lolita?" he murmured with his lips against her folds. He'd named Gigi's pussy “Lolita” when he realized he was fucking obsessed with it, shortly after he’d met the mesmerizing vixen between her thighs.

“She’s a little tingly,” his spitfire admitted, squirming at the feel of his lips on her overly sensitive flesh.

“Poor baby,” her big, bad Negan cooed at her pussy softly, poking out his tongue as he smiled up at her, swiping it lightly along her clit.

“Oh, God, Negan, you're going to get me going all over again!” she smiled back at him, carding her fingers through his hair.

“You have a problem with going again, new girl?” he challenged her as he lay his head on her belly.

“Not at all, boss man,” she chuckled at him running her thumb along the crow's feet radiating from the corner of his eye. “I'm just thinking my old man and Little Negan might need a little break,” she goaded him.

“Bitch.” He chuckled with her as she laughed at his response. He relaxed into her, feeling content and sleepy. The agitation which followed him around all day was nowhere to be found.

It was quiet for several minutes before Negan spoke again. “You made it all fucking better, you know,” he praised her as he rubbed his long fingers up and down the outside of her thigh.

“Good.” His girl nodded, moving four fingers over his lips horizontally, patting them as she closed her eyes.

“Love you, too, Gigi.” _More than I'd ever know how to fucking tell you._ He closed his eyes, as he let his fingertips caress her thigh with small motions, letting sleep pull him under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skinny Joseph's weapon of choice: https://www.medievalcollectibles.com/p-1065-authentics-skull-flail.aspx  
> Can't you just see him doing some damage with two of these babies?
> 
> Thanks for reading, my Negan loving friends!


	19. I've Never Shown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her words to him were nothing but brutally honest. She knew this level of honesty wasn’t likely to sit well, especially in a conversation with her very proud man who would only allow himself to be pushed so far.
> 
> Negan stopped dead in his tracks on the other side of the room, staring at her, his head tilting as she squinted at her. “Heh.” His tongue ran between his teeth, and as it did, she watched the anger wash over his facial features and then through his entire body. It was as if she heard him snap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in paradise, my lovelies...

 

He woke up the next morning to the sound of her singing. It was 5:40 in the fucking morning and she was singing like a damn lark. And he fucking loved it, even though she was waking him three hours and five minutes earlier than he needed to rise, because she was singing to him. It was like a siren’s call through the hint of morning light in their apartment. His own personal fucking siren’s call.

 

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time._

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way I love you._

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way you pulled me out of time,_

_Hung me on a line._

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way I really need you._

 

He could hear the splashing of water as she sang, not from the shower, but from the oversized bathtub they’d never used. He never used it, he’d told her, because only pussies took a bath, and she never used it because she felt it was a luxury which spit in the face of the life they lived. She knew it was ridiculous, she'd told him, but she felt the minute she started doing things now considered frivolous, things she enjoyed before the turn, it would compromise the edge she had developed for surviving in this new world. It was almost a superstition, she'd explained to him. She wouldn’t paint her nails, color her hair, or wear frilly clothes, convinced those things would chip away at her ability to cope in this world. Strangely, he understood her concern. He wondered why she’d changed her mind.

 

_Maybe I’m a girl, maybe I’m a lonely girl who’s in the middle of something_

_That she doesn’t really understand._

 

_Maybe I’m a girl and maybe you’re the only man_

_Who could ever help me._

_Baby won’t you help me understand._

 

He got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He leaned against the wall inside the door, watching and listening. Her head was laying back on the rim of the tub, eyes closed, her hair slick with water and shining, her skin glistening with moisture as steam rose from the hot water around her. One arm rested on the far edge of the large tub, the other elbow rested on the front edge, her finger playing on the surface of the water, tapping on it, dancing in it, flicking it as she sang. There were no bubbles, so he could see her hourglass figure, beneath the water as Thelma and Louise’s rosey peaks floated on the surface, virtually calling his name. One leg lay on the bottom of the tub, the other leg was bent, falling open as her knee rested on the side of the tub. _If I could only take a fucking picture._ _I need to keep one of those fucking polaroid cameras in the apartment._

 

_Maybe I’m a girl, maybe I’m a lonely girl who’s in the middle of something_

_That she doesn’t really understand._

 

He smiled at her as he stepped closer, studying her, moving silently so as not to interrupt her song or her serenity. But she felt him, his girl, and a smile played on her lips as she recalled his words about bathing, inviting him as she opened her eyes, “Come on in, pussy.”

He laughed out loud as he motioned with his fingers for her to move forward. “Keep singing to me,” he ordered as he stepped into the tub, because he’d go wherever she fucking led him.

 

_Maybe I’m a girl and maybe you’re the only man_

_Who could ever help me._

_Baby, won’t you help me understand._

 

He slid into the tub behind her, leaning his head back against it as she eased her back onto his chest and wove his fingers between hers, running them up and down her body once as she sang, then put both hands around the back of his neck expecting him, as always, to continue caressing her. So he did, feeling her song hum through his chest as she lay on him.

 

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way you’re with me all the time._

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way I leave you._

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way you help me sing my song._

_Right me when I’m wrong._

_Maybe I’m amazed at the way you really need me._

 

He ran his hands up and down her arms gently as she finished singing, listening to her hum of satisfaction at his touch.

“Those the same hands that had their way with me last night?” She teased him.

“Yes, ma’am,” he affirmed, pulling her hands from around his neck and running his fingers between hers and massaging her palms with his thumbs. “Which is exactly why they’re being so nice to you now.”

“Hmmm. They’re not fooling me. I needed a little soak this morning because my muscles are stiff for some reason,” she explained with feigned puzzlement.  “Especially these,” she informed him, spreading her legs and moving his hands high on the inside of her thighs.

“I can’t imagine why,” he chuckled. “How’s my girl today?” He moved one hand higher, brushing his fingers through her pubic hair.

“She needs a break.” Gigi laughed, pulling his hand out from between her legs and putting it back on her thigh.

“So she can’t keep up with me? What a cryin’ fuckin’ shame. And you were making fun of your old man last night?”

His girl reached back to slap the side of his head playfully. Tilting her head back to him, she looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to kiss her.

“Sing me another,” he whispered against her lips, not giving two fucks about his morning breath or hers, before he kissed her oh so softly, lingering on and feeling her lips with his, giving her some of the girly romantic shit she liked because he felt she deserved whatever the fuck she wanted after the pounding he’d given her the night before. The pounding she'd sobbed her fucking approval of, but a pounding nonetheless. He smirked at the memory as she turned and settled herself on his chest again and began to sing for him. A song he recognized. One he’d always loved, because his mom used to sing it around the house when he was in elementary school. He’d had no reason to think of it over the last few years, but was glad she’d brought it back to him.

 

_He was morning, and I was nighttime._

_I one day woke up to find him lying beside my bed._

_I softly said,_

_“Come take me.”_

 

_For I’ve been lonely,_

_In need of someone._

_As though I’d done someone wrong somewhere,_

_But I don’t know where._

_I don’t know where,_

_Come lately._

 

_You are the sun._

_I am the moon._

_You are the words._

_I am the tune._

_Play me._

 

You are the sun. I am the moon. He couldn’t think of words which would more accurately describe them. _She is the sun to my fucking moon ... she is the tune playing to my words .._ . _what the fuck is this poetic fucking bullshit I’m spouting? Fuck if she doesn’t bring this shit out in me. It’s gotta stop. Jesus, if I start fucking waltzing around the goddamn room, just fucking shoot me._

Despite his momentary, pussified lapse in masculinity he was still glad she chose Neil Diamond’s ballad to sing.

 

_Song he sang to me._

_Song he brang to me._

_Words that rang in me._

_Rhyme that sprang from me,_

_Warmed the night._

_And what was right,_

_Became me._

 

_You are the sun._

_I am the moon._

_You are the words._

_I am the tune._

_Play me._

 

“You are definitely the fucking sun,” he quipped when she finished, kissing the back of her head, running his hands down her body again before he stopped suddenly, asking with a sense of urgency, “Don’t you have to work? It’s gotta be close to six, Gigi.”

She was quiet for several seconds before responding, “We aren’t training today.” She paused for a moment before she continued, “Several of the team members have questions about what happened at Fairfax, Negan. Some of them are also questioning whether they even want to be part of my team anymore.” She sighed, sitting up, and turned herself to sit between his legs facing him, her back against the opposite end of the tub. She pulled her knees up to her chest and circling them with her arms, making herself smaller so she had the least contact possible with him in the tight space. “And once more I looked foolish, and felt angry because I had no idea how to answer them. I had to tell them I was in the middle of discussions with you and Simon about how things are run, and what your expectations for my team will be. I cancelled further training until I could bring them back some answers.”

 _Ahh, fuck._ He knew it was coming, yet he still didn’t feel ready to talk about it. Or maybe he just didn’t want to fucking talk about it at all. She looked down at the water, then at the wall next to the tub as her nostrils flared, and he could see the upset in her eyes.  Her disappointment was also clear as fucking day. _Shit._ _I am such a fucking prick._

She closed her eyes and shook her head, squared her shoulders and turned back to look him in the eye, her upset gone, anger in her tone. “Just tell me, Negan.”

It was a command, but she was also pleading with him. Giving him a chance to redeem himself. A chance to make it right. The sense of foreboding he’d experienced the night before hit him again and he moved to her, easily pulling her to him in the water, crossing his ankles behind her ass on the bottom of the tub, caging her in. He knew better than to push too far into her space in the moment, but he needed to feel her. “I’m so sorry, Gigi.” He softly rubbed the pad of his index finger along the top of her foot under the water, because he just fucking needed to touch her.

Swiping his tongue between his teeth, he kept eye contact as he started to talk, starting at the beginning. He told her about how he and a small group which included Fat Joseph, Laura, Little Timmy, Keno, Arat and a handful others had happened on the Factory two plus years before. At the time there were about fifty people, lead by Simon, living there in squalid conditions, divided into gangs who were constantly warring against each other for turf, food and possessions.

The factory’s residents had respected Simon, but Negan’s second in command was now his second for good reason. The man didn’t have the inborn authority Negan naturally exuded. When Negan had come on the scene, people quickly started following his lead, drawn to the more decisive, more powerful man, and Simon had seemed relieved to give up the reins.  

Under new leadership, things at the factory had taken a turn for the better quickly, despite a few holdouts from Simon’s original group who did their best to keep the separate factions in place, escalating the warring and violence over the first month Negan was in control, wanting to make their resistance known. Despite Simon’s desire to follow the new guy, the troublemakers had continued to  whisper in his ear, trying to convince him he needed to keep control; things would be worse with the new guy in charge.

“I wanted this place, Gigi. It had already been cleared of dead ones. It was fenced in, with limited access from the surrounding area. Easy to protect. I knew my group and I would be safe here, if I could just get control,” Negan explained.

To gain control, Negan had played his ace by assuring Simon the resistors would turn on their original leader the minute they found the smallest justification to do so, convincing Simon to join forces with him. It had been easy to do since the resistant group had shown signs of mutiny before Negan and his crew arrived. Once he had Simon’s support, the two top men sat down with the opposition, hoping to negotiate a truce, and win the handful of men and women over to his side. Within minutes it was clear the small group of troublemakers wasn’t going to budge. They were the strongest, and the best fighters. They were the bullies who were on the top of the shit heap as far as keeping themselves in food and basic needs, because they beat them out of people if necessary.

Things came to a head when, in his eagerness to build a following which would take on Negan and Simon, the head asshole of the resistance had beaten a woman who’d refused to join him in the cause; a sweet woman, someone who’d followed Negan around like a puppy from the minute he’d arrived at the factory, “I think she had some kind of crush on me,” he speculated to Gigi. “The asshole knew it. He knew she was close to me, and I cared about her.” He shook his head with a sad smile as he paused, lost in a memory. “She was a good woman. He beat her, and then tried to rape her, while a couple of his buddies cheered him on. All because she was loyal to me. Thank God one of the men in their group had a fucking conscience, and ran to us for help.”

Gigi nodded him on with a frown, horrified by the tale he was telling, physically feeling the woman’s fear and pain because she’d lived the same thing. She was also fascinated by the glimpse into the history of the Sanctuary. She knew Simon had been in charge when Negan had arrived at the factory, but when she and Negan had discussed it in past, he’d been sparing of the details of how he’d come to be in charge.  

“We saved her from being raped, but the woman died from the injuries the asshole inflicted on her, just because he wanted to prove a point. To make an example of someone who was following my lead. To get under my skin. Maura was Skinny’s mom, Gigi. Thank God he wasn’t there when they hurt her, when they tried to … ” The relief in his voice was clear.

Gigi’s eyes went wide, and she gasped at the revelation. “Poor Skinny!”

He was quiet for several seconds before he revealed, “It’s the reason I make sure he’s taken care of, and he has a cushy position here. It’s the least I can fucking do for being the cause of his mom’s death.”

Negan’s gaze finally broke from hers, and he looked at his finger as it tapped her foot under the water. He could still see Maura’s smile before she died, proud she’d held her ground despite the beating she’d endured. _“I told them you were stronger and smarter than all of them put together, Negan. I told them they wouldn’t win against you,” she’d confided._

Gigi could see him struggling with his thoughts as he stared at the wall over her head. She unwrapped her arms from around her knees, and moved her hand under the water to entwine her fingers with his on her foot, holding it tightly. He felt guilty about Maura’s death. He felt it was his fault, when no one was to blame but the man who had beaten her, and those who looked on while he did. “It wasn’t your fault, Negan. You know that, don’t you?”

He shook his head in response as he brushed off her reassurance and continued his story, “It started that night, Gigi. It was the first time I used Lucille here at the factory, to make sure it was clear who was in charge. I used their leader and all but two of his group, as an example, to let people know his abuse and rape wouldn’t be tolerated. Simon agreed it needed to happen. He was _glad_ it happened, because he’d been questioning how long he would survive once the bullies decided they wanted to take over. If they took over, the rest of his people would be in jeopardy, as well.

“I lined the six people up in front of everyone, and insisted they fucking kneel for me. I wanted them to admit defeat, and show everyone they deferred to me before I killed them one by one. The leader refused to kneel while the other five gave in, Gigi, so I started with him. I beat him to death. Mainly for what he did to Maura but I also made it clear it was for his refusal to bow to my authority. Then I killed the rest of them in the same way. Two of them for their complacency in Maura’s death, the other one to be sure being soft wouldn’t come back to haunt me, because they were the biggest and the loudest, aside from their ringleader.

“I let Regina live, because she wasn’t there when Maura was attacked and because she kneeled first. I could see her upset about what her people had done to Maura. I knew she would flip to my side if we treated her right. I also let the guy live who'd run for help when the assholes beat and tried to rape Maura. He died on a run a few months later. The rest of the group had to be eliminated. I knew they’d continue to fight me. The deaths served a purpose. To the people who already valued my leadership, it let them know I was looking out for their best interest by ridding the factory of the bullies. And it put the fucking fear of God in the people who were still vacillating about who they should follow.

“It was the first time I insisted people kneel for me. I only made the assholes kneel, but after I killed them, in the fucking aftermath of the slaughter, two of Simon’s people knelt in some sort of show of respect. I don't know whether they were afraid they were next, or what,” he questioned. “Then the people who came to the factory with me joined them. Arat and Laura told me later it was out of respect for the fact I’d kept them alive out on the road, and they knew with me in charge, here, they’d continue to be safe. They wanted Simon’s people to see how they felt about my leadership.”

Negan shook his head. “That night is the reason why everyone was worried I’d kill you when you wouldn’t kneel for me, Gigi. The reason for the man’s death got blurred over time, and his refusal to kneel for me became of equal importance to people as what he did to Maura, when it would never be anywhere _near_ as fucking significant.”

Gigi nodded in understanding, but challenged in a neutral tone, “But you like it, your people kneeling for you.” She was trying to understand what fed his current need for everyone to uphold the ritual which had such a morbid beginning.

He looked at her long and hard then finally pulled her into him, burying his head in her neck, hiding like a fucking chicken from the eyes which were so gifted at seeing him before he admitted, “I do.” He knew she knew. He just wasn’t ready to see her reaction to how much he liked it. _Pansy ass._

They sat in the tub until long after the water got cold, and their fingertips and toes were wrinkled like prunes. Negan talked the whole time, and his spitfire asked him questions as they popped into her head. They cringed and shivered and laughed at their own misery as they washed quickly in the cold water before they finally got out of the tub. They continued to talk about the history of his reign at the factory while they brushed their teeth, then Negan paced their living area and gestured dramatically with his hands as he told her his tale. Gigi laid on the bed, watching and listening to him as he smacked the back of his hand into his other palm to emphasize important points, waving his arms or spreading the fingers of both hands out in the air in front of himself dramatically.

As much as he’d been dreading this moment, the boss man suddenly felt compelled to tell her everything. He wanted to unload it all. While he was hiding the day before, from this very conversation, he came to the realization it wasn’t because things were eating at him, and he wasn’t questioning his decisions. It was about the fact he was keeping things from her. It was about the fact he needed to deserve the trust his girl had placed in him. The trust he majorly fucking compromised with his omission. He couldn’t take back the hurt he had caused, but he could apologize, and earn back her fucking trust.

Negan told Gigi about Bell Haven and McClean, and how the communities had tried to renege on their original agreements with the Saviors, once redirect provided a little freedom to move and bring in new resources. He told her how the communities got stingy with their offerings. He made sure to highlight how the leaders had become defiant and aggressive, and how confrontation led him to kill them.

“And you felt like killing them was the only way to move forward?”

“Yes, Gigi,” he answered simply, a hint of irritation in his voice.

She was quiet for several seconds before she queried, “If the Saviors weren’t so desperate for these communities’ supplies, would you have been as quick to kill their leaders?”

 _Shit._ She’d been talking to him lately about how the Saviors needed to become more self sufficient, telling him she was surprised he would rely so heavily on food and necessities from other communities.

“You are doing them a favor by doing redirect for them, Negan,” she suggested. “If you didn’t _need_ anything from them, you could have walked away, and left them to fend for themselves with the walkers. You’d be no worse for wear, and you’d be able to keep your finite fireworks and redirect supplies.” It was a statement she was throwing out to give him a different way of looking at the situation. In his mind, he had to kill the aggressive leaders to keep the groups in line, to keep their agreement in place. Her point was he shouldn’t have to rely on supplies from the outlying communities. She knew he could hear what she was saying, the question was whether he would buy in to the idea.

“You’re right, Gigi,” he conceded. “If we didn’t need anything from them, we could simply walk away.” He paused for a moment, pensive as he paced, before he continued with a slightly dramatic flare in his tone, “We could walk away and wait to see if they would perceive us as weak, and come after us, and everything we’ve built here, and then we would fight them. And we could lose our stuff, and maybe our property would be compromised  by something more than a couple of grenades, thrown by a couple of vengeful assholes.”

Gigi was ready with her response, firing it right off. “You need to realize not everyone is looking for a fight, Negan. You’re assuming the majority of people still alive out there are prone to aggression to make a point. I just can’t believe that’s true.  And you know what? If we make sure your military is top notch, and since we beefed up security after Buck’s attack, even if someone did come after us, we would see them coming, and we could easily ward off a fight, hopefully with reason, or worse case scenario, with force.” She made her case, giving him some food for thought, adding passionately, “We have to fight everyday to stay alive. We fight walkers and disease. We fight the lack of water, power, food, essential supplies. We shouldn’t fight each other.

“I need you to consider something outside of your comfort zone right now.” Gigi went on, proposing, “You need to give up on the idea you always have to _carve_ out a place on top. You can be powerful without being violent, Negan. If you give it a chance, I think you’ll find most communities want to live peacefully. It’s ... surprising to me how you can kill someone without any provocation at all, other than to ward off _possible_ problems in the future.”

“Surprising to you? Is it really _surprising_ , Gigi?” Negan was a little miffed. She wasn’t hiding the disapproval in her expression. He knew what she really wanted to say. _She really wants to say it’s disappointing, or frightening or fucking crazy._

Gigi could tell he was getting angry, but she ignored his question and continued to push because she wanted some resolution. “Right now you have a handful of groups who, if you’ve treated them like you treated Fairfax, are angry with the Saviors. Think about the long run, Negan. Eventually you could have dozens of communities, hundreds of people, who could end up working together en masse, against you if you push them hard enough.” She let the idea sink in for a minute before she added, “If we foster a friendly relationship with the other communities, if one aggressive community does rear its head, we all work together to protect each other. Just like Bell Haven, Fairfax and McLean could do right now to us, if you piss them off enough.”

There is was. The point she needed to make.

The threat of the combined forces of the handful of communities was worthy of some serious consideration, and Gigi knew it. He’d been so cocky, he hadn’t considered they might band together. There was nothing to keep them from doing so. Short of implementing a military state in each community, which the Saviors didn’t have the numbers to manage, there was no way the Saviors could keep the communities from working together against them, should they decide to do so.

“We’d take them out, Gigi,” the big boss assured her, as if there was no question as to whether they’d win an all out war.

“Would you really be able to take them out, Negan?” she argued, agitated at his refusal to admit she was making points worth considering. “I know your lieutenants and enforcers are fierce. I’ve seen it first hand when I’ve worked with them. But you need to think about the bigger picture. Do you have the numbers to take out all the communities if they come at you together? Do you have the manpower to _waste_ by leading _all_ your people, not just the enforcers and lieutenants into an unnecessary battle? Because you’ll need _everyone_ to fight if all of the communities come at us at once, and everyone at the factory may still not be enough.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, giving a silent huff of disbelief at her assertion. She immediately countered with a look of pompous disbelief at his assumption he knew better than she about military matters. _He’s got to be kidding._ Now he was just pissing her off, and she continued her rant. “Think about your people, Negan! Is a major battle what you want for these people who’ve been loyal to you? Is it what you want for the family you have here? Skinny Joe, Arat, Slug, Maria’s mom, Old Man Daniels.  Are they expendable to you? You’ve been so busy, keeping yourself above them, detached from them, I don’t think you see how wonderful and _precious_ they are. Sometimes I think you only see them as the things they contribute to the Sanctuary. You don't fully appreciate their respect for you and their loyalty to you, other than as kneeling minions who help you feed your ridiculously large ego. It’s not fair to them!”

Her true feelings were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and for the first time in her life she wished she could take her words back. She knew she was honest to a fault, but normally she tried to temper harsh words with some kindness, by drizzling them with some honey to help them go down easier. Her words to him were nothing but brutally honest. She knew this level of honesty wasn’t likely to sit well, especially in a conversation with her very proud man who would only allow himself to be pushed so far.

He stopped dead in his tracks on the other side of the room, staring at her, his head tilting as she squinted at her. “Heh.” His tongue ran between his teeth, and as it did, she watched the anger wash over his facial features and then through his entire body. It was as if she heard him snap.

“Really? You want to go _there_ , Gigi?” he questioned her loudly, loving the confused look on her face. “Let’s fucking go there! You want to talk about using people to feed your own ego? You want to talk about the smarmy bullshit you feed to people every fucking day so they’ll fall all over themselves to get sprinkled with your glitter and sunshine? Let’s talk about how you stroke them, and coo at them so they’ll slobber all the fuck over you, just to feed your sense of self worth! And why don’t we talk about how you play the same game to get people to do whatever you want!”

She looked like he’d slapped her across the face, her eyes wide, jaw slack. Hurt and incredulity radiated off her as she shook her head in response. He knew he should stop, but he couldn’t. “And I got sucked right in, too! Oh, yeah! You can look shocked, but it’s amazing how you show up here and I’m so blinded by your sunshine and bullshit, I’m suddenly killing men left and right to defend your honor. Jim, Buck, Rich, Jasper!” He counted them off, with his index finger into the number of fingers of his other hand.  “Doing your fucking dirty work because Mary Sunshine wants to _help people, not hurt them._ ” He threw her own words, from one of their conversations about violence, back in her face, saying them as if they tasted like vinegar on his tongue. As if he thought they were a load of crap.

“Don’t you dare, Negan!” she shot back at him angrily, shaking her head at him incredulously, “Don’t you dare blame those deaths on me. _I_ killed Buck and Ray defending _you_! And don’t even pretend our hunt for those men was about me. It was about Mikey! If you turned it into being about them watching our first night together, that’s on you, not me!”

“What about Bobby? Huh? Can you find someone else to blame for his death?” he threw back at her. “I don’t think so!”

“That’s not fair, Negan. I didn’t ask you to …” she started quietly. She knew he was reaching. He was twisting his vision of what happened because he needed to justify his anger at her, but it still hurt, and ridiculously, she still felt the need to defend herself.

He stormed over to her, where she’d moved to sitting on the edge of the bed, getting in her face. “No, you didn’t, did you? But it’s just fucking amazing how it worked out to your advantage, isn’t it? I fucking tortured and killed Bobby for you, Gigi. I beat him, and cut the skin off his body, piece by piece, and then pulverized him until he was a fucking pile of mush on the fucking floor! _For you!_ ” he yelled, watching her flinch as he leaned over her, his face a mask of rage. “All while you sat in this apartment and ate bon bons and played with your fucking friends!”

The speed at which she shoved him out of her space and shot up off the bed startled him. She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, and he understood her urgency when he heard her gagging. His anger suddenly vanished as he realized what he’d done. He’d just blamed his beautiful girl for his own heinous behavior. Blaming her for what he’d done to Bobby, when it had been no one’s fucking choice but his own to torture and kill the man. Telling her details about the man’s death he never, ever wanted her to fucking hear, all because she had the nerve to disagree with him and call him on his larger than life ego. _What the fuck did I just do to my girl?_

He walked to the bathroom door, ready to knock and call for her to let him in, but he couldn’t do it. He listened for a moment to be sure she was okay, and when it was quiet for several minutes, he grabbed his leather jacket and left the apartment, not ready to face her when she came out.

________________

To her relief he was gone when she came out of the bathroom. Maybe it was because she’d stayed long after the need to be in there had subsided, because she hadn’t been ready to face him. She wondered how long he’d be gone as she sat down on the edge of the bed, her feet on the bedstead below the mattress, elbows propped on her knees, her fingers laced together in front of her lips. She sat for a long time, and while she sat, her brain compartmentalized the three major issues from their fight and moved her through the emotions corresponding with each issue.

First, they had resolved absolutely nothing in their fight about using violence to start off the Savior’s relationships with other communities. He had refused to hear her ideas and her reasoning which might sway him away from his appalling habits. There was a fundamental difference in their moral values, and it was one she may not be able to make peace with.

Second, she shut down the part of her which was horrified about what had been done to Bobby. Shut it down as in, she wouldn’t kid herself into acting like she wasn’t at least a little bit pleased to hear her lover had made sure her rapist’s death had been brutal. She couldn't pretend to be shocked, because she'd seen the evidence of his death when Negan had returned to the apartment afterwards. Even so, exactly what he’d done to Bobby wasn’t something she’d needed to hear. She wished she hadn’t, worried the picture of Negan commiting the heinous acts would skew her feelings and her respect for him. The hypocrisy of her own thoughts startled her. _I was pleased at the thought he tortured the man, as long as I didn’t know the details._

She knew it was totally screwed in the head to love Negan all the more for seeking to equal the pain her rapist had physically inflicted on her. But damn it, she did. Was the retribution horrid and downright chilling? Yes. Would she have killed Bobby the same way if she’d had the chance? No. No matter what he’d done to her, she wouldn’t have had it in her to torture him and then physically annihilate him as Negan had described. Would she have put a gun to his head and blown his brains out? Yes. She’d have killed him the same way and for the same reasons she’d killed Len and Avery.

It didn’t matter what she would or wouldn’t have done, though. She was relieved he was dead. His death was life-altering for her. Because of what Negan had done, she was free of torment and fear of moving forward, which was priceless, even if she couldn’t wrap her brain around the fact the same man who slept in her bed, kissed her good morning and loved her so fiercely was capable of such gruesome violence. She’d have to work that part out in her head.

It might be crazy, but it was more important to her Negan was so dedicated to her, he was emotionally compelled to right her emotional and physical pain by brutally killing Bobby. Call her sick. Call her twisted, perhaps. Or maybe it was simply normal to be glad the man had suffered, even if it was at the hands of her Negan.

One thing she knew for certain, though, was Negan hadn’t inflicted his horrid revenge for _her,_ as he’d tried to argue. He had done it for himself she knew, because _he_ _’d_ needed to hurt Bobby. He’d needed it all to go away just as much as she did, because the constant reminders of what happened to her were crushing. Because he loved her. Because he couldn't stand the thought of what Bobby had done to her. He’d needed to save her and help her move forward. Her big, bad, self-absorbed prick had needed to make it better for her, _and_ for him.

Third, Gigi listed off to herself, she found it strange, of everything, she seemed to be most angry and upset at how he’d talked to her. Telling her she’d dumped smarmy bullshit on the people of the Sanctuary to feel better about herself? _What the hell, Negan?_ Was it really how he saw her and her practice of treating others as she wanted to be treated herself? _Oh, God! Is that how everyone sees me? Noooo, it can’t be!_ She searched her mind for instances of people’s responses to her, how they talked to her, how they reacted to the gestures she had thought were kind and reassuring and uplifting. _Is it smarmy to think people want or like or need those things from me? Or should I just keep my smarminess to myself?_

He'd been just downright hurtful talking about her sunshine and bullshit. If trying to be upbeat and trying to uplift people was bullshit, so be it. It was better than being an egotistical asshole. He'd been angry with her before, but never hateful or mean-spirited. This time he’d said things just to hurt her, to punish her. Why? For opposing him? For pointing out an ugly truth? He needed to grow up. _Screw you, you jerk._

She was confused, hurt, and angry. She really didn’t know which conflict in her head was bothering her more. Deciding she needed some help figuring the matter out, Gigi hopped off the bed, and left the apartment.

___________

_Such a fucking asshole. What the fuck is wrong with me? I love her fucking glitter and sunshine. The gold dust and rainbows are my favorite fucking things about her, second only to her fucking mind numbing blow jobs and Xanax-infused pussy. Why the fuck would I fucking throw her glitter in her face as smarmy bullshit, when she is anything but? I’ll get down on my fucking knees and tell her I am an A number one asshole, and beg her to forgive me._

_Jesus. Did I really just go there? Did I say I’d beg her?_

_She will forgive me, god dammit, because all her fucking goodness and glitter will make it impossible for her not to. Because it’s just fucking who she is._

_I hope._

_Fuck._

____________

She wandered past her closet on the second floor, wondering if she should spend some quality time with her thoughts in the dark, but surprisingly, the idea didn’t appeal to her.

She went to the exchange floor, stopping to say hi to a few of her friends, but decided it wasn’t such a good idea to mingle when everyone started their conversation with, “Are you feeling okay?” and, “You don’t seem like yourself today,” despite her attempt to hide her upset.

Gigi wandered to the kitchen, and found Maria’s mom making some dried cranberry and vanilla bean pound cake, so she sat on the counter and chatted with the woman about her childhood in Mexico, cooking, and other benign topics. She managed to waste a few hours before she left the kitchen and headed to the sixth floor. She really needed to talk out what was going on in her head, and she knew just the place to do it.

___________

“Hey, sweetheart!” Slug opened the door to his sixth floor apartment, smiling from ear to ear when he saw his friend in the hallway. His expression changed quickly as he took in Gigi’s demeanor. “What’s wrong?” he worried, pulling her by the hand through the door and into his new living room.

The five members of Gigi’s team had all been rewarded for their hard work with new living spaces on the sixth floor of the factory. They each had the pick of rooms to call their own and a newly renovated bathroom to share just between the five of them. She and Negan had decided, well Gigi had decided and she’d convinced Negan to agree, the Special Ops team should be able to live with a few more amenities than the lieutenants, since they would be the front line of the Sanctuary’s military, and exposed to more risk. A bathroom shared only by five, and separate living and sleeping areas for each team member was the equivalent of living in a penthouse suite, in their minds.

Regina and Tayvon had almost duked it out over rooms with a view of the field at the back of the property, Reg eventually getting what she wanted by moving a massive amount of stuff into the spaces while Tayvon was on guard duty. “Now I can practice my sharpshooting on any dead ones who wander into the field!” the woman raved, afterwhich Tayvon informed her he really had just wanted to be able to see the wildflowers, and she sucked ass for stealing his room.

“We had a fight.” Gigi explained to Slug as she stood in the hallway outside his door.

“Come! Sit!” he demanded, pointing to his sofa and making his way to his fridge, where he pulled out a bottle of Boone’s Farm Tickle Pink, some canned juice and then grabbed a couple of wine glasses from a rack on the wall.

Unlike the rest of the team, who were still finding furniture and other items to furnish their space, Slug had finished his living room and bedroom, inspired by a layout in _Home and Garden_ magazine, in two days. He had enlisted Keith to help him move his furniture choices from the warehouse and from his old room, telling him they could test out the bed as soon as they got it moved in and covered. He didn’t tell his partner, until Keith had already agreed to help, the bed would be the last thing they’d move. He’d confided to Gigi he’d never seen a man move so fast and work so hard to get the rooms finished and the bed placed and dressed. It was sweet, even if he did put the top sheet on upside down.

After beautifully arranging a plate of cheese, peanut butter and some sorghum crackers in the design of a chrysanthemum on an antique carnival glass platter, Slug sat down beside Gigi on the sofa, unscrewed the lid of the full bottle of Boone’s Farm and mixed two white trash mimosas, as he explained it. Gigi opened the foil packet full of poundcake Maria’s mom had given her and put it next to the rest of their feast. Grabbing a chunk of poundcake, and throwing his legs over her thighs, her friend looked her in they eye and ordered, “Brunch is on. Spill the sordid details! Slug will help you sort things out.”

__________

He needed to make it right. He’d just go back to the apartment once he finished his noon time bourbon at the bar and apologize. Fuck. Apologize. Twice in one day. Before his girl had come along, he’d never apologized twice in one year, let alone in a day because he hadn’t given a fuck whether he’d pissed someone off, or what anyone thought of him. Ever.

But he cared about what his girl thought of him. It was all wrapped up in his compulsion to satisfy her, to be the _one_ to make her happy. _Mine._ Why in the fuck did he give a shit about what she thought of him, his decisions, the way he ran things, the things he did day to day, whether he satisfied her in the sack, and whether she fucking smiled at him or validated him, for fuck’s sake? He cared about all that shit because, as he’d told himself many fucking times since he’d met her, he was as whipped as a man could be. Which is why he was pissed she had called him on being an egotistical, self-absorbed dick. It was why he was livid she’d shown distaste and disappointment in his habit of killing people without proper justification.

As he nursed his bourbon, he thought about how she’d pussy-whipped him before he’d even gotten a taste of her. How she led him around by the nose and he followed willingly, for just a promise of some of her sweet gash. And fuuuuuck it was sweet. Sweet as her disposition and her smile. Once he’d had a taste, and dipped his cock into her heat, she may as well have fucking put a leash on the collar she’d put around his neck and engraved his dog tag, _If found, please call 1-800-Gigi_.

What surprised him most about the whole thing was, he didn’t fucking mind. Any of it. His need to please her. His desire to be with her twenty-four, seven. The fucking pussy-ass pitiful way he needed her attention and her smile. Never in a million fucking years did he think he’d be happy leashed to one woman, especially once Lucille was gone and the world and all of it’s limiting, conservative rules went up in smoke. But he was as happy as a tick on a fat fucking dog because, well, _Mine_.

It was going to fucking stay that way, even if he had to kiss her ass on the regular to make up for being a shithead. Putting his empty glass on the bar, he got off his barstool in the empty rec room, and headed back up to the apartment.

____________

“No he _didn’t!_ ” Slug exclaimed disbelieving.

“He _did!_ ”

“What an ass!”

“ _I know!_ ” Gigi agreed angrily. She was quiet for a minute, taking a drink of her second glass of trailer park aperitif, surprised at just how tasty it was. “Slug, do you think the way I deal with people is smarmy bullshit? Be honest with me.”

“Don’t make me slap you!” Slug gave her the hairy eyeball over the rim of his mimosa, “Everybody loves Gigi, and there’s a good reason why! Swear to God, I think there were even a few tears when you left the party in the rec room the other night,” he winked at her.  “People love to be around you for a reason, Gigi. You make people feel good about themselves. You are fun, and loving and kind. Don’t let your asshole of a man make you doubt yourself just because he’s emotionally constipated and can’t admit when he’s being a dick.”

“You’re right. He _is_ an asshole!”

“Gaping.”

“Exactly. So you think I should …”

“You better! He needs a good kick in the …”

“You’re right. The jerk!” Gigi stood up, kissed her friend on the nose, thanked him for brunch and left the apartment.

__________

“Give me a fucking minute!” Negan stuck his head out of the bathroom door and yelled, hoping the shithead in the hallway who’d knocked three times in ten seconds would hear the irritation in his voice and go the fuck away.  He’d come back to an empty apartment, when he was all fucking ready to make nice with his girl, so he was biding his time until Gigi came back. He didn’t need anyone mucking up his plans with an unexpected visit.

Drying his hands, he made his way to the door and opened it. “Frankie. What’re you doing …” he stopped mid sentence when he noticed she’d been crying. Her eyes were puffy and red, the end of her nose pink, obviously irritated from wiping it repeatedly. “What the hell’s wrong? You wanna come in?” He tried to show her a bit of compassion since she obviously was a fucking wreck. She nodded, a fresh stream of tears starting at his question. _Fuck it all to hell. This is_ exactly _what I fucking need right now._

She brushed past him, in a hurry to get into the apartment. “I’m sorry to bother you, Negan,” the redhead apologized, seeing the irritation on his face.

“What’s up, Frankie.” Negan really didn’t have the time or patience to deal with her fucking drama right now, but out of respect for the fact she’d been one of his favorite wives, he’d give her five minutes before he kicked her ass out.

__________

Gigi could hear voices in the apartment as she pulled her key ring out of her pocket and searched for the right key for the doorknob. She really needed to mark the door knob key with something to differentiate it, since it looked just like three of her other keys. She went through this process every time she needed to open the door. _Second one over from the silver key with the square head._ She listened to what sounded like a soap opera on the other side of the door, complete with a hysterical woman and a soothing male voice as she singled out he correct key.

Wondering what was going on inside, she turned the key in the lock and opened the door. She was totally unprepared for what she saw on the other side of it. Negan and Frankie were standing in the middle of the room, chest to chest and almost nose to nose. The young woman was crying, clutching at his wrists as he held her face with both hands, pressing his lips to her forehead and reassuring her, “You know I’ll take care of you, Frankie,” as the redhead sobbed.

Gigi took in the scene, confused at what she was seeing, until her eyes ran over the two of them, stopping on Frankie’s hand where it clutched Negan’s wrist. In it, the woman held a home pregnancy test stick. Gigi didn’t need to see stripes or pluses to know it was positive. She looked back up at Negan’s face to find him staring at her, startled, obviously upset.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Gigi apologized softly as she backed out the door and shut it, shocked and dismayed at the implication of what she’d taken in. She turned as she heard Negan yell her name from inside the apartment. She took off, running down the hall towards the closest stairway, ignoring him as he opened the door and called out to her.

“Gigi, wait!”

She just couldn’t.

____________

“Well that was quick. It didn’t go well?” Slug looked at her sympathetically as he stepped aside for her to enter his room.

“Can I hide out here today? Maybe sleep on your couch tonight?” Gigi pleaded, shaking her head, her upset radiating off her from head to toe.

“Nope. You can sleep with me,” Slug offered, hugging her tightly. “I have a great big king-size bed, and Keith has guard duty tonight. We can watch tv for hours, bribe Maria’s mom for something fantastic for dinner to eat here, and then have a slumber party. You can tell your BFF Slug all about your gaping asshole of a boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta said my readers were going to lynch me after reading this chapter. Thoughts on this?
> 
> Songs  
> Maybe I'm Amazed - Paul McCartney  
> Play Me - Neil Diamond


	20. I May Not Win

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The sideways flowers with the long stems are dashes,” Liz explained to her as she worked, “and the single flowerheads are dots. Your smart girl! These flowers in purple and orange are punctuation. Whatever she was using to copy the code must not have had punctuation on it, because she simply used flowers drawn in the shapes of periods, commas and exclamation points.”
> 
> Gigi continued to watch her friend decode the message, and her hand went to her mouth to unsuccessfully stifle a sob of excitement as the message came together.
> 
> 38.8135976N, 77.0824371W
> 
> Alexandria
> 
> Janneys Lane and Yale Drive
> 
> Come get us, Mom! XO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit I cried a little bit while writing this chapter.

 " _I’m here. I’m yours, Gigi,” he vowed quietly. He felt a tear running into his thumb on her cheek, and he kissed it away gently. “Always_ _,_ _”_ _h_ _e told her. He tried to think of something more to say, something more to reassure her, but it was the best he could do. He hoped it was enough. He needed her to know, no matter what had happened,_ _or_ _what would happen in future, she came first. Because he was just as fucking desperate for her as she was for him._

_He rose up on his knees, resting his forehead on her abdomen, his hands kneading her bare hips softly as he took a minute to enjoy the feel of her. Her fingers slid through his hair, holding him in place, amazing him she still fucking wanted him, needed him, despite all the shit he’d flung at her. “I love you, Gigi,” he turned his face up to her to murmur, “Let me show you.”_

_Gigi sighed as his lips skirted across her abdomen, his tongue sweeping into her belly button as it passed. They made their way back and forth between her hip bones, kissing them and sucking on them lightly before he bared his teeth to graze over the soft as fuck skin. Her light gasp as her fingers tighten_ _ed_ _in his hair, assured him his efforts were worth his time, she liked what he was doing. He fucking needed her to like what he was doing._

 _He dragged his lips down to the top of one thigh as his teeth skimmed and nipped along the front of one leg, then the other, working his way towards_ _her_ _center as his fingers lightly kneaded the underside of her ass, making her squirm and moan._

_Gigi laid her head back against the wall and enjoyed the sweet sensations he was eliciting as he licked and nipped his way down the crease between her mons and her thigh, sucking at her lips and brushing a broad tongue across the front of her folds. Back and forth, barely pushing in between, to heighten her desire._

_Her gasps became deeper, and she started to whimper as he started to work in earnest, dipping his tongue in search of her clit, then retreating just as he touched it, as if he didn’t feel it, as if he was still searching, dipping down each side of it and sliding along the oh so sensitive nerves hidden deep between her folds. Making her body quake beneath the feather soft caress.  He’d mastered this game of cat and mouse very early on in their relationship, much to her delight, and knew exactly how long to toy with her and exactly when to pounce to magnify her arousal._

_Negan was playing this game, not to tease her, but to titillate her. It was all about her pleasure and her response to him because he got off on her lust for him. He got off on her moans and cries and when she came hard, thighs shaking_ _..._ _He got off on fucking rocking her world, because he wanted to satisfy her as no one else ever had or would, his glittering, magnificent girl. He got off on her physical and verbal approval, and right now his sorry ass needed her fucking approval, especially after he’d fucked things up so badly._

______________

“Ahh, _fuck!_ ” Negan slammed his fist into the door frame as he watched Gigi turn the corner into the stairwell at the other end of the hall. He stood in the hallway for a moment before he went back into the apartment, needing to collect his thoughts after Frankie had dropped her fucking bomb on him. They’d fucking dropped it on Gigi as well, before he’d even had time to process the news.

A baby. His ex “wife” was pregnant with his baby, despite his valiant, condom wielding efforts to hold off on starting a family until the new world was a little more settled, if he ever started a family at all. While visions of a brood of Negan Juniors running around had crossed his mind occasionally, he’d put the possibility on hold so he could take his time figuring out the logistics, so to speak. Would he want children with just one, any, or all of his wives? Would he want children to complicate the fuck and run relationships he had with the women? Did he want to bring a child into their fucked up world?

He hadn’t known why he’d really put off having children with his wives, until he’d met Gigi. Once he was smitten with his girl, he knew he'd been waiting for the right woman. He fucking loved the idea of having a little mini Gigi and a mini Negan running around, because they would be hers. He knew she’d be an amazing mom, and she'd show him how to be a good dad.

When he'd casually asked Gigi if she’d ever thought about having more kids, she’d confided her periods had disappeared months before she’d arrived at the Sanctuary, likely due to malnourishment, weight loss and stress, according to Dr. Carson. It was a blessing, in many ways, she'd shared, not elaborating, but Negan knew she was grateful she didn't end up with another permanent reminder of her captivity. Her cycles still hadn’t returned, even though Negan had fattened his girl back up to a healthy weight.

The doctor had reassured Gigi it was still early. She’d undergone massive physical and emotional stress and trauma, even after she’d arrived at the factory, which may have effectively shut her endocrine system down in a form a self defense. It would kick start itself back into gear when her body and mind were completely rested and healed. The other possibility, Doctor C had explained, was the problem would never reverse itself.

Negan and his spitfire had discussed their future together many times, which of course included Gigi’s children once she reunited with them. When the subject of babies had come up, she’d asked him if they could wait to discuss it once she’d found her children, and when and if she was physically able to get pregnant again. She’d confessed she didn’t want to plan for it, and get her hopes up if it would never be a possibility. In an effort to make light of the situation, Negan insisted they practice a lot so they’d be ready when her “lady parts came back online,” to which Gigi laughingly agreed. They’d tempted fate from the get go by leaving his condoms in his nightstand drawer. Once he’d ridden his girl bareback, there was no going back in the fucking saddle.

He didn’t know what the fuck to think about Frankie’s pregnancy. He needed some time to sort out his feelings about their baby and what effect it would have on him and his relationship with Gigi. A baby. He thought people were supposed to be excited to find out they were having a baby. He was nothing but frustrated, and more than a little pissed, which he was trying not to show Frankie. One thing was for sure. The timing for the redhead's announcement couldn’t have been any fucking worse.

She’d gone to see the doc because her belly had been distended for the last week, and she finally had to admit to herself she could be pregnant. He’d confirmed the fact with the home pregnancy test and a pelvic exam. She'd had intermittent spotting and bleeding over the last few months, but her cycles had always been irregular. Some months there would be six or eight weeks between her periods. She’d regulated them before the turn with birth control pills, but since those weren’t an option in the apocalypse, she’d just learned to live with the irregularity. She'd been a little more tired than usual over the last few months, but had ignored the fatigue, and the fact she now hadn’t had a period or spotting of any kind in an unusually long time. It was easier to ignore the signs than consider she might be pregnant by a man who’d dumped her and moved on. She also really liked Gigi, and was hoping - for her friend’s sake - her cycle was just horribly screwed up.

Due to the lack of ultrasound equipment, Doctor Carson had to speculate from the internal exam Frankie was about fifteen to sixteen weeks along, the redhead informed her ex. It was still too early to hear a heartbeat with a stethoscope, hard as Dr. C had tried. She was sure she'd gotten pregnant one of the last times she and Negan had had sex, because she remembered it was her first chance to be with him in awhile, thanks to her period and her spot in his wives’ rotation schedule.  It was shortly after he'd told her about the bad ass woman he and Simon had picked up on the road, the night she'd talked him into using the pull and pray method because she’d wanted a second go at him, and he’d only brought one condom to her room. She’d rambled on and on at Negan, explaining what she thought had happened as he stared at her, trying to hear what she was telling him instead of thinking of how a baby would impact his life.

“Oh God, Negan! What if Gigi thinks we slept together after you two got together?” Frankie speculated as he walked back into the apartment. She was visibly distressed at the idea her friend might think they'd betrayed her. “You have to tell her it happened before!”

 _Fuck!_ Negan looked at the redhead, startled. He hadn’t even thought about Gigi’s upset over the matter in a context other than he was going father a child with another woman. _Fuck me all to hell. This just can’t get any fucking better._

______________

 _Just how pregnant is she? Did he cheat on me after he told me he had broken off all of his relationships with his wives and then crawl into bed with me like he promised he wouldn't do? If he was going to cheat, why didn't he just keep them around?_ Gigi couldn’t fathom the possibility he might have cheated, but she wasn’t naive enough to think it couldn’t happen. She just didn’t want to think Negan would cheat on her after he’d made such a grand show of dumping his wives for her. _Was he sneaking off to meet Frankie while I was training with my team during the week? But if he met me for lunch most days of the week he wouldn’t have much time before or after. Come on, Gigi, sex doesn’t have to take much time. Negan was definitely the master of a mind blowing quickie when there wasn’t time for something more languid. The asshole._

_There is no way Frankie could be four months along and just figure out she’s pregnant. Or has she known for a few months and just decided to clue him in to the fact? But she seemed pretty upset when I walked in on them and she had the test stick in her hand like she’d just found out. So if she just found out, is it because she’s barely pregnant, or because she’s four months pregnant and clueless?  She can’t be that clueless._

_I can’t even begin to deal with this nightmare until I know how many weeks pregnant she is._

_______________

Negan walked Frankie back to her room, telling her he needed some time to think everything through because his head was fucking spinning. He headed up to the sixth floor of the building, knowing Gigi would likely be with Slug or Liz, and he needed to talk to her. He walked up one flight of steps, and turned the corner on the landing to go up another flight, stopping when he glanced up to find his spitfire, coming down the stairs in a hurry.

She was intent on getting where she was going, and was halfway between the upper landing and the landing where he stood before she finally noticed the figure in front of her and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Gigi …” he started, not knowing what the fuck to say.

His girl put up her hand to quiet him, shaking her head, and after staring at him for a good half minute, she finally asked in a hushed tone, “How far along is she?”

“I wouldn’t fucking cheat on you, Gigi. I didn't,” he promised her, not answering her question because he needed her to know first he’d been faithful. He might be a fucking asshole, but he was a faithful fucking asshole. He watched her for a response to his confession, but for the first time in their history, he couldn’t read her. She was looking into him, as she always did, but her expression and body language weren’t giving anything away about what she was thinking or how she was feeling.

“How many weeks?” she rephrased her question, because she needed to know exactly.

“She said Doctor Carson thinks she’s fifteen or sixteen weeks along. Gigi, I …”  He started to apologize, but she’d nodded at the estimate the minute it was out of his mouth and turned quickly, jogging back up the steps towards the sixth floor, not saying another word. _Fuck._

______________

Gigi wasn’t ready to talk about it. So they didn’t. She and Slug watched The Incredibles and Finding Nemo on DVD and discussed whether Ellen Degeneres would still have her sense of humor in the apocalypse. She was amazed she could still hold a conversation and laugh at the movies when her thoughts seemed to be screaming inside her head. She wasn’t ready to talk about it, though, or sort it out. She was just going to sit on the whole thing, ignore it until she was ready to deal with it.

Slug picked up a special dinner from Maria’s mom in the kitchen and he and Gigi feasted on roasted chicken, veggie and refried bean tacos in homemade tortillas, while the rest of the residents of the factory, Negan included, had only the option of roasted veggie tacos. The small amount of chicken Maria’s mom had left in the kitchen had been set aside for Gigi, since Slug had confided in the woman the commander was feeling a bit “under the weather”. The cook had insisted Gigi needed some chicken to help her get better. Sort of like chicken soup, but without the broth, and in a tortilla with peppers and onions and pico de gallo instead, the Latina reasoned. It made all the sense in the world to Slug.

____________

 _He was playing this game, not to tease her, but to titillate her. It was all about her pleasure and her response to him because he got off on her lust for him. He got off on her moans and cries and when she came hard, thighs shaking_ _..._ _He got off on rocking her world, because he wanted to fucking satisfy her as no one else ever had or would, his glittering, magnificent girl. He got off on her physical and verbal approval. Right now he needed her approval, especially after he’d fucked things up so badly._

_This was his apology. Since he couldn’t fully put one into words, because with all of the many, many words he liked to spew, he couldn't put into words how sorry he was he’d been such an ass, and how sorry he was his history with one of his wives was coming back to haunt them._

_Circling a hand behind one of her knees, Negan lifted her leg and put it over his shoulder, kissing along the inside of her knee and up to her thigh to her folds as her fingers clutched at the hair on top of his head. He surrounded her mound with his mouth, sucking on her lips as he used his hand on her ass to push her up to him. Burying his nose in her, he swiped his tongue into her wet center, dragging it along her clit from back to front, making her cry out softly as it moved over the sensitive tip and then sucked on her mons again, dipping his tongue shallowly in and out of her slit. He took a minute to enjoy the taste of her, lapping at her, pushing his lips between hers and sucking on her tender flesh. He pulled at her ass to move her over top his face while he moved from his position in front of her to sit between her legs, knees spread against the wall._

_Gigi gasped as he got serious about his work, moving his tongue forward and back on her clit, dragging it and letting it go in the way he knew would make her come quickly. She panted and she writhed at his ministrations, clutching his hair and his shoulder. The more noise she made, the more quickly his tongue moved, and she found herself canting her hips forward and back, helping him to hit the mark for just the right stimulation to work her towards her peak._

_“Yes, Negan! Please! Yes!” she whispered in the dark of the cell, listening to him groan as he suddenly backed off and ran his nose through her pubic hair, making her whine at the loss. So close. She was so close. But she knew he had a plan, her boy, and she smiled to herself in the dark as his fingers moved between her legs and he used them to spread her lips apart, spreading the hood of her clit, exposing the most sensitive part of her._

_He listened to her pull in her breath as he moved his lips a fraction of an inch away from her clit so she could feel his hot breath whispering across it. She squirmed, and pushed herself towards him, but he backed up to thwart her efforts._

_“Negan!” she cried out softly, trying to keep from being heard in the hallway outside the door of the closet. “Don’t stop!”_

_“Your wish is my command, new girl,” he teased, hearing her pant as he began moving his tongue feather lightl_ _y_ _, back and forth across the fully exposed tip of her clit._

 _“Oh, fuck. Oh, yes! Negan! Yes!” she babbled at him as she grabbed his head in a death grip and held it in just the right spot, so he was licking just the right place, over and over and over. “Oh_ _,_ _my God, I … please … you… Fuck! Negan!” Each word was let out with a gush of air._

_It was like music to his ears, and he smiled as he worked, feeling the signs of her impending orgasm. “What do you need, Gigi?” he asked as he had many times before, moving his tongue across her clit more slowly._

_“I need to come!” she panted._

_“Who do you need to make you come, Gigi?” he asked her softly as he lightly flicked his tongue across her clit, once and then stopped, making her legs tremble._

_“Ahhh! You Negan!”_

_He fucking loved her hands still holding his head in a vice like grip between her thighs. “Why me, Gigi?” he had only intended to ask her one question, not wanting to tease her, but he needed to know. He needed to hear her say it, more so than ever. He brushed his tongue slowly up the tip of her clit once, reveling in her panting and her tightening grip on his hair._

_“Because you know, my love. You know how to make me feel so good. Just you,” his girl confessed breathily. She was telling him exactly what he wanted to hear, and it wasn’t just a line of bullshit to make him happy. She was telling him how she truly felt, his girl, because it was the only fucking thing she knew how to do._

_He responded with a “fuck!” of approval as he dove forward to reward her honesty, the tip of his tongue going at her quickly, with a bit more pressure. It wasn’t long before he felt her come, her hips bucking and shaking with pleasure as he grinned with satisfaction._

____________

Gigi was tired at breakfast, having spent most the night awake on Slug’s couch. She’d moved there from the bed after she’d woken him twice in the middle of the night with her tossing and turning. At first she was awake from her thoughts running in overdrive about everything going on with Negan, but once she worked through things in her mind, she still couldn’t fall asleep, missing his fingertips tucked under her back or his foot on her calf. Missing him next to her.

After a breakfast of a few bites of leftover pound cake, Gigi decided to do some power walking, since exercise always helped her clear her head when something was eating at her. She really wanted to run, but she knew her head would protest. Grabbing a tee shirt, some loose fitting shorts, and a new pair of athletic shoes from the store room, she walked the perimeter of the property along the fence line. She waved to the guards at each post as she walked past, calling out some smarmy bullshit which would hopefully make them smile and give them a lift. She smirked each time she did it, making sure each greeting was cheesier than the last, wanting to live up to Negan’s vision of her. _Jerk._

“Have an fan-fucking-tastic day, Gil!” she laughed at her own ridiculousness as she called and waved at the man as she passed, watching him laugh with her as he called back she should do the same.

____________

Negan was tired after tossing and turning all fucking night. He kept waking up, wanting to pull his girl into him for comfort, but she wasn’t there. He finally gave up on trying to sleep at six in the morning, and started his day with a shower and a bourbon, hoping the two would calm the white noise in his head. They didn’t. He sat in the corner of the couch, making up his mind he was going to sort out his thoughts about Gigi and Frankie.

He needed to apologize to Gigi about being an A one prick during their fight. It needed to happen as soon as possible, because he needed to know they were fucking solid, so he could deal with the other huge fucking mess he was in. He needed his girl’s help with the other major ordeal in his life. Was he fucking crazy to think his woman would help him sort out how to handle another woman’s baby in his life?

He needed to figure out what the hell he was going to do about Frankie. Or rather, what he was going to do about the baby. A baby. What the fuck was he supposed to do with a baby? He wanted to be annoyed with Frankie for fucking talking him into fucking her without fucking protection, but he knew it was his own fucking fault. Little Negan had definitely been in control that night. He thought for sure he’d pulled out in time, but he was smart enough to know it wasn’t a foolproof method of birth control. _Fuck me._

Thoughts about how he and Frankie would raise a child at the factory ran through his mind. How would it all work with him and Frankie not living together? Shared custody in the apocalypse? How the fuck would _that_ work? Would the baby sleep in Frankie’s room, and visit him during the day, or would the baby take turns sleeping in their respective apartments? Where the fuck would he put a baby in his apartment? Would they do a fucking shared custody thing where he had the kid on the weekends? It would really fuck up his weekends. And how would all of this affect his relationship with Gigi? Could he convince his girl it would all work out? Would she even want to be involved with the baby? Was he a big fucking jerk to think he didn’t want this baby if it was going to have a negative impact on his relationship with his spitfire?

Negan knew Gigi, though. He knew her well enough to know the baby’s needs would come first, even if it was to the detriment of their relationship. He needed to ensure he could care for Frankie and the baby, while still putting one hundred percent into his relationship with his girl. He just didn’t know how the fuck he’d do it, because he had no fucking idea what caring for a baby entailed.

Two hours later he hadn’t settled a thing, other than knowing his first step needed to be working things out with Gigi. He decided to grab something to eat and start his workday early. The factory floor was quiet, the workers still asleep at eight. They’d start rising soon, getting ready for the prospective jobs or manning their tables on the exchange floor. He strolled along the catwalk, stopping to look out the windows on the east wall, spotting Gigi power walking past the main gate with her ten pound hand weights pumping with the rhythm of her arms. She called something out to Gil, laughing as she tossed some gold dust his way then sped up, passing by with a grin on her face, leaving the man laughing in her wake. _I love her fucking glitter._

_____________

Gigi was a sweaty mess when she finished her walk in the summer heat, but she felt great, pushing as much as she could without stirring up her head pain above a dull ache. She was pumped up with endorphins, her mood greatly improved. After visiting the exchange floor and chatting with Stan the Man and Peggy, she stopped in the kitchen to grab lunch. She was excited to find her team eating together in the cafeteria, so she joined them.

It was Friday, so there was a long discussion about whether they could get Fat Joe to sing opera for them again if they plied him with enough alcohol. They had all been shocked, at the last Fiesta, when a drunken Fat had broken out in _Che Gelida Manina_ from _La Boheme,_ the chubby tenor stunning his friends and the crowd into silence as they admired his talent. They were surprised to learn that night, Joe had trained for years in classical opera, performing with the Washington National Opera. The man had hidden his talent from everyone, worried they may view him as weak if they knew he was “artsy”. He had also been worried he’d never hear the end of it from the big boss, but he he’d been pleasantly surprised when Negan had patted him on the back after he’d performed and told him whatever the fuck he had sung was “fucking awesome”.

“Hey!” Regina changed the conversation, lowering her voice. “Did you hear Frankie is pregnant?”

“Yes!” Laura responded in a conspiratorial whisper, looking around the table at everyone. “Arat said Yvonne told her Frankie’s been crying for two days about it!”

 _Already?_ Gigi concentrated on her sandwich, waiting to see where the conversation would go.

“Who’s the father? That’s what I want to know!” Reg questioned.

“Who’s she been screwing around with since the boss man let her go?” Slug asked. “There’s your answer!”

“She and Keno have been hanging out!” Laura divulged.

“Seriously?” Gigi looked around the table, one eyebrow raised. Using her best mother hen voice she scolded them, “I would have thought my elite team was above rejoicing in someone else’s distress.” Liz added a furrowed brow and head shake to Gigi’s scolding. “We need to set an example for others.”

“Oooooh!” Tayvon chided, “She called you _out!_ Your asses are in tr ...” He stopped when Gigi turned a hairy eyeball in his direction.

The  commander wanted to laugh out loud at her people’s contrite expressions as she continued moving her gaze to each person at the table, passing Slug quickly when she noticed he was staring at her, mouth open and eyes wide. _Jeez, he filled in the blanks quickly!_  “I expect better from you people,” she continued her diversion as she rose from the table, giving them one more disappointed look before she walked away.

Gigi decided to take her chances in going back to the apartment to gather some things she’d need while she stayed with Slug. Between her anger at Negan over the way he’d treated her, and the fact he probably needed some space to handle Frankie’s news, she knew it would be better for her to steer clear of him for a few days. She had no desire to cuddle up to a man who thought she was full of smarmy bullshit.

“Gigi!” a voice called her from behind, and she turned to find Liz hurrying to catch up with her. “Can I walk with you?” Her friend looked like she had something on her mind she wanted to discuss.

 _Perfect!_ If Negan happened to be home, Liz’s presence would deter any serious discussions or arguments. As Gigi suspected, when they entered the apartment, it was empty, Negan likely at work. Liz dove right into what she really wanted to discuss. 

“Have you had a chance to work things out with Negan and Simon about what their expectations will be for the team?”

“I wish I could say yes, Liz,” Gigi apologized as she began to gather some items from the dresser drawers, “But I’ve gotten absolutely nowhere with the discussion.” She hadn’t even had the chance to discuss exactly what her team’s role would be with the Saviors, because she hadn’t gotten past their leader’s behavior on the tribute runs. The discussion had been cut short by her fight with him. Knowing she could count on Liz’s discretion, she confided, “Negan and I got into a huge fight about how the Saviors behave towards the other communities. He feels it’s necessary to ward off possible aggression with new communities by acting first to establish dominance and fear. Obviously he and I don’t see eye to eye on the matter.” She shook her head at the memory of the discussion and how it ended as she grabbed her backpack from the corner and began to put her gathered items in it.

“There’s always been talk about how he kills one of the community members each time they meet with a new group. Before you arrived, we lowly workers could only speculate about what we’d overheard, since we didn’t mix with the enforcers and lieutenants. So it’s true?” the blonde tried to confirm.

Gigi nodded, sighing. As least she wasn’t the only one in the dark when they had gone to Fairfax. Laura and Regina had been on tribute runs before, as lieutenants. Along with Liz, Tayvon and Slug had not, both having been too new to the factory when she’d invited them to be a part of her Special Ops team. “Between you and me, Liz, I don’t want to be a part of the tribute runs if they are just about bullying the people into submission. I didn’t even get the chance to ask Negan about whether taking people’s personal belongings is standard procedure. The whole experience gave me a bad taste in my mouth.”

“Between you and me,” Liz confided, knowing her friend would never tell Negan she didn’t agree with his tactics, “I feel the same way.” The two women looked at each other, shaking their heads.

Gigi moved into the bathroom to get her toothbrush and some of her toiletries, coming back out into the living area to put them in her bag.

A look of understanding came over Liz’s face as she watched her friend pack her bag. “You had a _serious_ fight! Oh, Gigi. I’m sorry!”

“Yeah,” Gigi confirmed. “Me, too.” She moved to her nightstand, pulling the letters from her kids out of the top drawer and putting them on the bed next to her bag, along with the photos of her family, caressing them wistfully with her fingertips.

Recognizing they must be the children’s letters, Liz moved to her friend, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her in for a hug. “It’ll happen. It _has_ to happen. You’ll find them.” She rubbed her friend’s arm as she tried to reassure her.

Gigi could only nod, her sadness over her missing children suddenly compounding all the negative emotions she was holding on to. Patting Liz’s hand, she walked over to the mirror over the dresser, gently pulling on the tape which held Elena’s beautiful drawing of a heart she'd used to decorate the back of a letter. “She is so talented,” she lamented, holding the heart out for Liz to see. “It’s a shame there isn’t much use for art in the apocalypse.

“Wow! She really has an eye! What a great idea, making the larger image out of rows of  smaller images,” the blonde admired. “But why the numbers? You taught them written code, too?”

“Numbers?” Gigi questioned her friend, examining the many flowers which made up the many colorful rows comprising the shape of the heart to see what she'd missed.

“The Morse code,” Liz studied the piece of art more closely. Did you teach them Morse code to use to send each other written messages?”

“We didn’t learn Morse code in the army, Liz,” the commander responded, urgency in her voice as she realized what the woman was inferring. “Show me what you’re talking about!” She pushed the letter in front of the former Navy Seal excitedly.

“They still teach Morse code in the Navy.” Liz was surprised her commander had no idea she may have another message from her children right under her nose. “There’s definitely something here! Give me paper and a pen!” The blonde hurried over to sit on the couch, spreading the letter on the coffee table in front of her.

Gigi rushed to grab her notebook from the bookshelf, which had her pen tucked inside, and she flipped open the spiral book on the table next to the letter, clicking the pen and handing it to her friend as she studied the image. She sat next to Liz and watched with fascination and excitement as the woman wrote down letters and numbers, crossing out mistakes as she groaned in frustration. “My God, with all those lines, it will take you hours!” she worried aloud. “Can I help in any way?”

Liz shook her head and she ran her finger across one of the lines of flowers and made more notes. “The sideways flowers with the long stems are dashes,” Liz explained to her as she worked, “and the single flowerheads are dots. Your smart girl! These flowers in purple and orange are punctuation. Whatever she was using to copy the code must not have had punctuation on it, because she simply used flowers drawn in the shapes of periods, commas and exclamation points.”

Gigi  continued to watch her friend decode the message, and her hand went to her mouth to unsuccessfully stifle a sob of excitement as the message came together.

_38.8135976N, 77.0824371W_

_Alexandria_

_Janneys Lane and Yale Drive_

_Come get us, Mom! XO_

 

Liz underlined the deciphered message with flourish and put the pen down.

“What about the rest?” her commander pressed.

“She wrote the same message over and over again.”

“Oh my God! It’s that simple?” Gigi questioned, a look of joyous disbelief on her face.

“It’s that simple!” Both women laughed with happiness as they stared at the coordinates, Liz sharing in her friend’s joy.

“Elena mentioned in a letter the leader of the community didn’t want her to tell me where they were located. My little rebel decided she wasn’t going to play by his rules!” Gigi jumped up, notebook in hand. “I have to go to them! Now! I need a map with coordinates. I need a car. I have to find Negan!” she rambled happily as she flitted around the room, not sure what to do first, while Liz smiled at the petite whirlwind whipping around her.

______________

Gigi’s anger and upset with the leader of the Sanctuary was all but forgotten as she literally ran around the factory looking for him. She needed to tell him about Elena’s message and let him know she was going to find her children. Wondering if he would want to go with her, she smiled at the thought of her kids meeting him and getting to know him.

After finding out from Laura the Sanctuary’s leader had gone on a tribute run with Simon, Gigi finally broke down and called him on her walkie. Normally she tried to save the device for business, but this time she was going to break her own rule because she knew she, Simon and Negan were the only ones communicating on their current channel. “Commander to Negan. Come in, Negan.” _Please come in, boss man!_ She waited a half minute and repeated her call.

___________

He was at the Hilltop, a new community the Josephs had come across on one of their redirect missions, when his girl’s call came in over his walkie talkie. “Gregory, can you give me a minute?” He was in the middle of a conversation with the man who called himself the leader of the Hilltop, a real douchebag who was no match for Negan’s authoritative and charismatic presence. The man could barely push out a sentence due to all his stuttering, and when he did it was complete bullshit.

“Why don’t you get your worthless thoughts together while I take this call?” He patted the man on the shoulder and sat down in the chair behind the antique desk in the colonial mansion’s office, gesturing for everyone to leave the room so he could take his call. The Hilltop’s leader looked confused at first, then caught on to the fact Negan expected him to leave his own office with everyone else.

The big boss knew his girl must be calling about something important. She’d told him in the past she didn’t want to be _that_ woman, who’d call and bother him at work about personal matters. Closing the door behind him and turning the volume on his walkie low, he spoke into it softly, “Hi, new girl; boss man at your service.” He normally would answer her more formally, but he was glad to hear from her and wanted her to know it. A little ass-kissing might go a long way in trying to make up with her.

“I’m sorry to bother you while you’re working, boss man,” she apologized. _He must be alone_ , Gigi thought to herself, since he was calling her by his favorite nickname.

“You know you can call me anytime, Gigi,” he reassured her softly. “About anything.”

Gigi’s heart melted at his words and the tone of his voice. He was really trying to make nice, and she appreciated his effort.

“You can’t see me, but I’m patting my lips with four vertical fingers,” she smiled as she teased him. “I don’t mean to sound like a nagging housewife, but I was wondering when you’ll be back? I don’t want to get into it over the radio, but I have something urgent to discuss with you.”

“Everything okay?” he worried.

“Everything is fine, Negan,” she assured him. “It’s fantastic, actually. I just have a bit of a time crunch on my hands.”

“We’re about two hours away, darlin’” I can finish up here and be back in about two and a half?” He couldn’t help but wonder what was so fantastic.

Gigi’s heart dropped at his timeline. She felt she couldn’t wait another minute to leave to go to her children, but she knew she couldn’t leave without talking to him first. She didn’t know what would happen when she found them. They may not be in a place, emotionally, to pick up and come back to the Sanctuary with her at the drop of a hat. She may need to stay on their turf, and it may be a few days or a few weeks before she would see him again.

No matter what had happened between them in the past few days, she couldn’t just up and leave Negan without seeing him first and telling him where she was going, even if they hadn’t settled their disagreement. “So I’ll see you at the Friday fiesta, then?” she confirmed.

“Yeah, new girl. I’ll find you at the fiesta,” he chuckled.

“Negan?” Something struck her as they finished their discussion, and she teased him with a smile, “Did we just have a conversation that didn’t include your favorite word? Not even once?”

“Yes, ma’am! I’m trying to be on my best fucking behavior for you since I’m in the dog house!” He heard his girl’s laughter coming through the walkie and he smiled, knowing they would be okay. Things would be okay.

______________

Gigi gathered things for her backpack while she waited for him to get back, trying not to feel antsy about her delay in leaving. Since she had already started loading it when she was talking with Liz, only putting the things she absolutely needed or couldn't live without in it when she thought she’d be staying with Slug for a few days. She added a few changes of clothing, making sure to include a few pairs of Negan’s boxers and one of his wife beaters so she’d have something of him if she was delayed in returning. She went over her packing list in her head, checking everything essential off except for food. It would be a smart idea to take some sandwiches and some water with her in case she was delayed in reaching Alexandria.

Knowing Maria’s mom would scrape something together for her, she headed to the kitchen. The woman fussed over her, glad she was “feeling better”. Gigi had no idea what the cook was talking about, but assumed Slug was responsible for the Latina’s misguided concern and she played along. She chuckled to herself as she walked back to the apartment, running into Laura and Arat.

“You a little hungry?” Arat kidded her as she passed, eyeballing the four sandwiches in the commander’s hands.

Not wanting to talk about her impending trip until she talked to Negan, Gigi simply answered, “Very” smiling at her friends as she walked by.

“It’ll be interesting to hear how it went at Hilltop today,” the commander heard Laura speculating to Arat, picking back up on their conversation. “The second visit is almost as bad as the first, isn’t it?”

“Just watching them cave. The looks on their faces,” Arat countered, shaking her head with a smirk.

Gigi stopped in her tracks, a bad feeling in her gut as she turned back to her friends, trying to act casual. “Hilltop?” she acted is if she knew about the community. “Negan mentioned it to me, but we never got a chance to get into how it went at the first visit.”

Arat looked at Laura with a ‘Do you want to tell her, or should I?’ look of discomfort on her face. Since the commander had overheard them, they couldn’t very well play stupid. She didn’t know why, but talking about the big boss’s violent streak with Gigi made her more than uncomfortable.

“It wasn’t pretty,” Laura saved her friend from the reveal. “One of the community members got mouthy with Negan, and our boss reminded everyone who was in charge by introducing him to Lucille. The kid’s mother got mouthy, too. She was lucky he didn’t do her in, too.”

Gigi tried to hide her shock, not only at Laura’s cavalier attitude about what happened, but also at the nature of what she shared. “Kid? How old was he?” She looked back and forth between her two friends as they avoided her eyes.

“The guy was really mouthy, Gigi,” Laura defended the Sanctuary’s leader, and he threatened Negan with a knife.”

“How old was he, Laura?” she repeated, ducking her head into Laura’s line of vision as the woman’s gaze moved to the floor.

“Sixteen,” was the reply. “His mother made sure we knew it when she went crazy on Negan, afterwards.” Laura finally looked as if she may have been bothered by the incident as she disclosed the boy’s age.

Gigi simply nodded at the two women. “Thanks for filling me in.” Her thoughts were roaring in her head as she turned and continued to walk in the direction of the apartment, the feelings stirred up by her argument with Negan the day before washing back over her.

In her excitement over locating her children, she’d put aside her upset over their fight, focusing on the task of preparing to travel to Alexandria. As she picked up her pace to get back to the apartment her thoughts collided and clashed, rolling like thunder in her head and her heart as she realized there was a major conflict between how she needed to properly mother her children, and Negan’s choices.

It wasn’t as if the conflict hadn’t occurred to her before. It had been festering below the surface, growing as each month at the Sanctuary passed, with each unsavory tidbit of information she learned about her lover’s behavior. She couldn’t pretend she hadn’t known the incongruity existed. Despite the fact Negan had only fully disclosed his behavior to her the day before, she had learned enough over the course of the last several months to know she didn’t agree with his choices. As she had told herself the day before, she couldn’t make peace with the fundamental difference in their moral values.

Her heart clenched in her chest as she realized she couldn’t bring her children to live at the factory when she didn’t agree with the way Negan ran things, because to overlook what he was doing, to be complacent, was like a stamp of approval for his behavior. His values, and his actions, were not ones she wanted her children to witness, or worse, to take on as their own. She’d always taught her children to stand up for what they believed in, not to cave under adversity or pressure from negative influences, so she needed to do the same.

She shook her head as she realized she had purposely tucked away the bad things she’d learned about Negan, and refused to delve into what she knew to be true because she wanted him, and because she needed him. Because she loved him.

When she reached the floor of their apartment, she found Frankie standing in front of the door knocking. _For God’s sake._ _I really can’t deal with this right now._ She took a deep breath and approached the woman, giving her arm an affectionate squeeze as she moved in front of the redhead to unlock the door. “He’s out for the day, Frankie. Do you want me to tell him you came by?”

“I didn’t come to see him, Gigi,” the woman confessed. “I came to see you.”

Gigi turned back to her, eyebrows raised. “You know Frankie, I’m not in a place to talk right now …” she started.

“And I’m probably part of the reason for it.”

The commander nodded with a smirk, shrugging her shoulders.

“I understand, Gigi. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” She spoke quickly, as if she was afraid she would be cut off and sent away. “I know Negan must have told you it happened before the two of you got together. I know it doesn’t make things any easier … I just … I’m sorry. I consider you my friend, and I don’t want us to be at odds with each other. And I don’t want this baby to cause problems between you and Negan.”

“I appreciate your concern, Frankie, but I think that’s between Negan and I.” For once in her life, Gigi couldn’t make the effort to be positive and affirming. She had too much on her mind, and sorting out how Frankie’s baby would affect her own life wasn’t something she’d had any time to think about. She wasn’t going to discuss it with Frankie before she discussed it with Negan. Giving the young woman’s arm a squeeze to soften her words, she opened the apartment door and stepped inside, closing it behind her.

She had two and a half hours to kill, and she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She glanced at her backpack on the bed, wondering if she needed to add any other items to it. She paced the room for several minutes, her mind racing as she tried to figure out how to move forward. She spied her orange notebook on the coffee table where Liz had worked in it earlier. Moving to it, she carefully tore out the page with her friend’s notes, the coordinates for her childrens’ new home. Folding it, she placed it in one of the front pockets of her bag before she turned back to the coffee table, staring at the notebook and pen which lay on the glass top.

She was drawn back to it, and she sat on the couch in front of it picking up the pen. She began to write.

_My Boss Man:_

_We have so much to talk about, so much to settle, but now we've run out of time ..._

_____________

When Negan walked through the double doors of the factory and across the landing towards the railing overlooking the exchange floor, he could hear the buzz and the laughter of the Friday fiesta in full swing.

There was no deejay equipment on the landing in front of the railing overlooking the lower floor, however. Being the factory’s official party planner, Gigi liked to mix things up each week so the parties didn’t get mundane. This Friday, she’d explained the week before, was going to be a sort of talent night, and she’d enlisted the help of the barber, Charlie, to play his acoustic, and Old Man Daniels on his harmonica since the two men frequently jammed on the factory floor. Stan the Man was going to accompany them on the bongos, and Skinny Joe would be playing the keyboard.

Reaching the railing, Negan looked over the crowd, seeking out his girl as the bread lady finished singing a country ballad, handing the mic to Gigi, who was standing close by. Negan took the break in action to knock Lucille on the railing, bringing the crowd to their knees, the upper echelon, Gigi included, bowing their heads in respect.

“As you were, people!” the leader called after only a few seconds, wanting to get down to his girl. He caught her eye as the crowd started to rise, and he motioned he would join her on the floor below. Holding up one finger to stop him, she smiled as she turned to the musicians, speaking with them for a few seconds before she turned back in his direction, bringing the mic to her lips.

“Does anyone mind if I hog the floor for a minute?” she raised her eyebrows, moving her eyes dramatically from side to side, looking at the crowd, while she waited for their response. Applause and cheers erupted as people called her name, making her laugh with delight as she pulled an empty bar stool from in between the musicians and moving it into the middle of the crowd by itself. People naturally backed up to give her space, leaving enough room around her for Negan to see her from above. 

“I’m going to make our fearless leader cringe, and hope he doesn’t mind too much, by spewing some fucking girly ass romantic shit at him.” She mimicked his voice and attitude with her description, making the crowd and her boss man laugh. Up until this point their public displays of affection had been nonexistent, but tonight she didn’t feel the need to hide anything.

Negan leaned over the railing, resting his forearms on it as he watched Gigi, mesmerized by her in performance mode. She looked at Stan the Man and nodded, and the man started tapping out a beat on his drums which Charlie accompanied with a tune after a few bars. All four men sang a soft “Wonderful,” over the fifth and sixth beat of each eight. His girl sat herself on the stool, one foot on a lower rung and one foot on the ground as she got a feel for the beat, moving her head and shoulders with it, keeping time on her thigh with her free hand.

“You guys will recognize this one,” she informed the crowd, but it was as if she and Negan were the only two in the room as she looked into his eyes on the landing above and started to sing.

 

_All you have to do is touch my hand_

_To show me you understand_

_And something happens to me_

_That’s some kind of wonderful_

 

_Anytime my little world seems blue_

_I just have to look at you_

_And everything seems to be_

_Some kind of wonderful_

 

Her eyes lit up as the song went on, and she poured out the words, telling him with her song how he could always make it all better for her.

 

_I know I can’t express_

_This feeling of tenderness_

_There’s so much I wanna say_

_But the right words_ _just_ _don’t come my way_

 

_I just know if I’m in your embrace_

_The world is a happy place_

_And something happens to me_

_That’s some kind of wonderful_

 

She was belting out the lyrics, giving him her emotion, and he couldn’t look away from her as she cast her spell on him, crowd or no crowd. He didn’t give a fuck.

 

_I know I can’t express_

_This feeling of tenderness_

_There’s so much I want to say_

_But the right words_ _just_ _don’t come my way._

 

_I just know when I’m in your embrace_

_This world is a happy place_

_And something happens to me_

_That’s some kind of wonderful._

 

 _Fuck me. She really does kill me with this shit._ Negan made his way down the stairs as the crowd roared their approval when the song was over. Gigi quickly introduced Maria and her mom, who were going to sing a Latin duet, and handed the mic over to them.

She skirted her way through the crowd, grabbing the leader by the hand and dragging him into the hallway. Luckily it was empty, so she turned and pressed herself into his chest, moving both hands to the sides of his face to pull him down to her for a kiss.

Despite his shortcomings, she loved this man deep down in her soul, because for every nasty fault, he had an equally beautiful, endearing trait. He'd been so very, very good to her when, and in ways, she’d needed it most. She could never forget it, no matter what.

“I need to feel you,” she told him as she dragged him down the hall by the hand, a puzzled look on his face as she led him in the opposite direction of their apartment.

__________

_“Because you know, my love. You know how to make me feel so good. Just you,” his girl confessed breathily. She was telling him exactly what he wanted to hear, and it wasn’t just a line of bullshit to make him happy. She was telling him how she truly felt, his girl, because it was the only thing she knew how to do._

_He responded with a “fuck!” of approval as he dove forward to reward her honesty, the tip of his tongue going at her quickly, with a bit more pressure. It wasn’t long before he felt her come, her hips bucking and shaking with pleasure as he grinned with satisfaction._

_Kissing_ _t_ _he inside of her thighs, he caressed her belly and ass as she ran her fingers through his hair. He started to move, backing away from her where she leaned against the wall over him, but her hand clamped down on his shoulder. Using her feet to push his thighs together as he rested on his shins and she lowered herself to straddle them, running her lips across his forehead, and down to his cheeks, peppering his skin with soft, slow kisses. He stayed still, letting her move along his skin. Every once in awhile the tip of her tongue would poke out to taste him, and she would hum with pleasure. All of the sensations of her affection were heightened without his sight, and he found himself appreciating them in a way he never had before._

_“I need to feel you,” she repeated her words from the hallway. There was an urgency about her actions, a desperation in the way she was touching every inch of his face and neck with her lips and fingers as if she was trying to memorize the feel of him. She reached down between them to undo his two belts, and the button of his pants, her hands stopping occasionally to massage his cock through his pants. He finally took over her task, impatient to feel her against his skin. He thought it was fucking hot he was still fully clothed, while she was bare, but now he was compelled to feel her, too, and he tossed his leather jacket to the floor and pulled his shirt over his head._

_Gigi raised herself up on her knees while he pushed his pants down his hips and under his ass just far enough to free himself. She wasted no time in grabbing his hardened length with her hand and moving herself over him, sliding down on his erection with force. He felt his noisy girl’s silent fucking cry as the head of his cock topped out inside her, a gush of  breath hitting his cheek as her lips rested against it._

_She immediately began to move her hips, taking the lead in moving up and down on him, rotating her hips so he hit all the right spots inside her. Negan leaned back, placing his hands on the floor behind him to give him more freedom of motion, and he started to move his hips in time with her, loving how they were dancing so fucking perfectly in the darkness of the cell._

_She seemed to be in no hurry at all despite their locale, riding him slowly for a few moments and then stopping to pull him to her with a hand behind his neck, kissing him deeply._

_“I love you, Negan, so much. Please don't ever forget it. No matter what happens. Promise me?”_ _s_ _he murmured desperately against his lips._

 _“I promise, Gigi.” He felt her nod in the dark and a sad little whimper sounded against his lips before she kissed him, pulling him more tightly against her chest as_ _she_ _began to ride him more forcefully._

 _Fingers of one of his hands splayed across her lower back, and the other hand circling the back of her neck as she clutched at_ _his_ _shoulders with her fingertips, their love making took on a sense of desperation as they physically played out the turmoil of the last few days._

_They expressed themselves with touches, and soft kisses and gentle motions, which eventually turned into grabbing and mouthing and grinding as Negan reached between them to rub her clit while he thrust up into her repeatedly as she dropped down onto his cock over and over._

_“Can you come for me again, Gigi?” he whispered in her ear, tugging on her earlobe with his teeth as his fingers worked her._

_“For you,” she replied breathily, throwing her head back in her pleasure. “Only ever for you, Negan.”_

_Her words were like a fucking jolt of lightening right to his core, and her kisses and the feeling of her wet heat beneath his fingers pushed him toward the edge as he listened to her panting, feeling it on his mouth as she kept his lips so close to hers with her grip in the back of his hair._

_He reveled in her breath washing over him again and again, quickening and finally stuttering as her hips paused in their motion then jerked. His girl couldn't keep quiet as she came, crying out his name against his cheek as she started moving again, hard and fast, slamming down_ _o_ _nto him._

_“Who do you want to make you come, Negan?” his girl demanded as she rode him._

_“Just you, Gigi,” he answered honestly, grasping her hips to force her down onto his cock so he could push as deep into her as possible with each upward thrust._

_“Why me, Negan?” She bit his bottom lip lightly, making him groan out a “fuck” as she pushed herself up to hover a few inches over his lap, making him do the work to thrust up into her. He immediately complied._

_His pussy_ _-_ _whipped pansy ass could tell her what she needed to hear. It was the least he could fucking do after being such an asshole. “Because you are my glittery, awesome ... beautiful, sunshiny spitfire, and I love you, Gigi. I love your fucking glitter and sunshine. I'm sorry I was such a prick yesterday.” He held her face in his hands, peppering her eyes and cheeks and mouth with kisses and then rolled his hips up into her the way he knew she liked as he waited for her response._

 _She laughed in delight against his forehead at both his words and his actions  before she kissed him longingly. Whispering, “You’re forgiven, prick_ _._ _”_ _Sh_ _e took back control and started riding him, increasing the speed of her rise and fall on his cock. She nipped her way down his jawline, biting the sensitive skin under his ear with a force which made him shudder before he came_ _, growling_ _her name._

________________

Negan grinned to himself as he walked up to their apartment. They were going to be okay. She’d tucked him back into his pants as he’d pulled on his shirt, zipping him up and buttoning his fly, and he’d helped dress her in the dark, feeling his way as he kissed and caressed her, pathetically grateful they’d made up so quickly after their fight. He didn’t want to sleep in his bed another night without her. _Fucking pussy._

They’d both laughed when they’d moved out into the hallway and noticed her tank top was on backwards. Luckily the second floor hallway was usually fairly empty, more so since everyone was at the fiesta, so she’d simply fixed the problem right there in the hallway, much to his delight, winking at him after she’d pulled the shirt over her head correctly.

She’d told him she’d meet him in the apartment in a bit, knowing he’d want to go shower after his workday. He’d grabbed her by the ass, pulling her to him and kissing her wet and dirty, trying to remind her of some of the eight billion reasons why she loved him.

“I love you, Negan, always,” she’d told him when he’d broken the kiss, running her thumb across his lips. She tried to cover the look of sadness which came over her face, but he’d seen it, and the shimmer in her eyes from the start of tears. He supposed even though they made up, she would still be bothered by the baby, and the matters they’d yet to settle.

“Me, too, new girl,” he had affirmed, kissing her once more, softly.

He had taken in the feel of her, and breathed in the tropical clean scent of her as she’d clung to him for a unusually long time, finally pulling away to walk down the hall in the direction of the fiesta. He watched her go, chuckling when she’d turned back to blow him a kiss before she turned the corner at the end of the hall, hesitating for several seconds before she turned away to continue on.

When he entered the apartment he headed straight for the bathroom, wanting to clean up Lucille’s tip where he’d knocked her into the dirt at Hilltop earlier in the day, to make a point as he spoke. He rinsed her in the sink, thinking about the days events, his eyes wandering as he did so. Noticing his girl’s toothbrush was gone from the cup on the corner of the sink, he frowned, wondering where the fuck she’d put it.

Finished with Lucille, he grabbed a towel before he headed back out to the living area to hang up his jacket and kick off his shoes. Drying his second favorite girl off, he walked over to the hamper by the dresser to drop the wet towel in, stopping in his tracks as he realized something was wrong with what he was seeing. It was gone. Gigi’s backpack was not in the corner where it normally rested. _What the fuck?_ The sense of foreboding he’d felt several times since Gigi’s trip to Fairfax came over him as he looked around the room, his eyes searching for confirmation of his suspicion.

Elena’s artwork had been removed from the mirror over the dresser. The two picture frames he’d given her to display the photos of her with her family, pre-turn, were empty and stacked on her nightstand. He charged over to the piece of furniture, ripping open the top drawer, growling out an angry, “Fuck!” when he discovered her children’s letters were gone. He didn’t need to look any further to know there was only one fucking reason she would take her backpack and those personal items with her. She’d fucking left him and he knew she hadn't just left their apartment. Her plea for him to always remember she loved him wasn't just an “I'm moving down the hall” plea. It was an “I need you to remember because I won't be here to remind you”, plea.  She'd left the factory. He couldn't fucking blame her.

Moving back to the dresser to open her drawers, he found half of the minimal clothing items she owned were gone. Ripping open his own top drawer he discovered a stack of his boxers were missing as well. A trip back to the bathroom revealed she’d taken her body wash, leaving her shampoo, conditioner and face wash behind. He loved her tropical fucking body wash.

His upset and anger festered as he moved, images of their moments in the closet running through his mind; her request for him never to forget she loved him, no matter what, her desperate clinging and clutching and memorizing of his features in the dark, her sad whimper. The look on her face and the unshed tears in her eyes as they stood in the hallway. The lengthy hug as she’d clung to him. Her hesitation before turning the corner. Turning the corner to leave him, he now realized. He let out a sad and slightly maniacal laugh as he shook his head.

His anger and his confusion about the revelation began to bubble and boil, and his jaw clenched as he circled the room, Lucille swinging in his hand, his eyes continuing to search for any pieces of her which might be left around the room. Everything important to her was missing, the tiny daily reminders of her presence were gone. _Son of a fucking bitch!_ He glanced at the seating area and found one thing she’d left behind. Her orange work notebook was open in the middle of the table, along with her pen.

Charging towards the end of the table he raised Lucille and brought her down in the middle of the notebook on the glass table top roaring, “ _Fuck you!_ ” as he smashed the glass, sending the book flying to the floor. He continued to take his anger out on the piece of furniture until all of its glass was shattered and it’s frame was completely mangled. He even took a tiny chunk out of Lucille in the process, he noticed when he finally stepped back from his work.

He caressed his second favorite girl lovingly as he looked around the room in a slight daze, wondering what the fuck he was going to do now. His eyes landed on the coat rack next to the door. The pink suede cowboy hat she loved so much still hung on it. He knew she hadn't forgotten it. She’d fucking left it for him. The fucking hat embodied everything he loved about her; her uniqueness, her spirit, her toughness, her femininity … her fucking sunshine and rainbows. _Fuck her._

Still breathing heavily from killing the coffee table, he ambled over to the bed, and sat down on the edge of the mattress. Collapsing onto his back, his feet still on the floor, he stared at the ceiling as a million questions invaded his mind. What the fuck was he going to do without her? How the fuck could she just leave him? Was she planning on coming back? How the fuck could she leave without any explanation or without truly saying goodbye?

_She just fucking left me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I need to hear your thoughts on this chapter! Pretty please?
> 
> The next chapter is just flowing out of me, and since I'm on vacation for the week I'm hoping to get it written and posted a bit quicker than my usual two+ weeks.
> 
> Song-  
> Some Kind of Wonderful - The Drifters


	21. Denial and Isolation, Anger and Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gigi heard her daughter’s scream before she saw her. Her head went up, her body and mind instantly on high alert. She lunged forward and to the right to look past Rick, who was standing in front of her. She tried to discern whether her daughter was in distress and which direction the scream was coming from. Her eyes searched the street which ran up the block directly in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely went through some Kleenex on this chapter. Tears of happiness, tears of sadness....

_“... My mother always told me you can’t expect a man to change for you. I’m not asking you to change who you are because I love the man you are, deep in my heart. I love you so desperately, boss man, I can’t imagine moving forward in life without you._

_I wouldn’t ask you to change who you are, but I will ask you to consider using violence as a defense, and not the first choice for your offense. I’ve outlined, on the following page, how my team can act as ambassadors for the Saviors, creating and maintaining healthy relationships with new communities, while we also act as the primary line of defense for the Sanctuary. I need you to consider your way may not be the only way. I need you to see, maybe this girl who loves you so desperately is right about people's innate desire for peace. Maybe she’s right_ _and_ _there are more survivors out there who only resort to violence when it’s the only option._

_Take some time to think about it. I’m going to find my children, as I mentioned above, and I will visit the family tree before the 15th to leave you directions to find me if you think you can consider my plea for change._

_If you feel I am asking too much of you, if you find you can’t see outside the lines you’ve drawn and choose not to come to me, not to move forward with me, please know you are the love of my life, and to not be able to spend my days sharing the rest of the eight billion reasons why I love you will ruin me. No matter what your decision, please know I'll be forever grateful for all of your love, patience and care at a time in my life when I needed it and you the most. You lifted my shattered soul out of the most miserable of places, and helped me find the pieces to put myself back together.  I am also grateful for the months I was privileged to spend with you, boss man.”_

Gigi signed her letter with the assurance of her love and devotion in the orange spiral notebook, leaving it open on the coffee table for Negan to see before she grabbed her backpack and headed down to Fiesta Friday. On the way she practiced her poker face and took deep calming breaths so she wouldn’t give away the fact she was leaving, to her friends or her boss man. She just hoped she could keep it together.

**___________**

“Do you know where the fuck she went?”

Slug opened his door a little after midnight to find Negan standing there, his hand dripping blood at his side, looking tired and uncharacteristically subdued. “Gigi?” The young man cocked his head at his boss, confused, answering with another question, “To the fiesta?” He’d just finished his guard duty shift, and he hadn’t seen Gigi since lunch.

“No, Slug. Where she went when she left the property.”

“She’s off the property? At this hour?” Slug responded incredulously, concern in his expression and voice.

Without another word, Negan turned to walk away. It was obvious Gigi’s friend was clueless about where she’d gone. Maybe he’d make a visit to Liz.

“Negan? Sir?” The leader turned back to look at the young man wearily, “You’re bleeding and you look tired and a little pathetic. Do you want to come in and let me take care of your cut?” He gestured to the living area of his beautifully decorated apartment.

“I fucking look _pathetic_?” the boss challenged him, raising an eyebrow.

“Honestly? Yes.” Slug nodded, taking two steps towards Negan and tugging on his sleeve to pull him into the apartment. The leader simply nodded at him and let himself be led into the man’s living room.

“Sit,” Gigi’s friend ordered gently as he gathered some items from around the room. He sat down next to Negan on the couch, placing a metal bucket between his knees to hold it, after he set the rest of the items on his coffee table. Laying his boss’s forearm across his thigh, with his palm up over the empty bucket, he proceeded to open a bottle of water and pour some over the cut, gently wiping it with a rag to clear away the blood, so he could look at the wound, the excess water falling into the container.

“Feels like there’s some glass in there. You have tweezers?” his boss asked him as he worked.

Slug immediately got up and retrieved a pair from his dresser, coming back to sit down next to his crush. When the older man reached for the implement, Slug waved his hand away. “I’ve got it.”

Negan watched as he bent to his task, gently pulling apart the cut in the meaty part of his palm to find the shard, his hands shaking a little bit as he worked. The boss man hissed as the man dug into the wound as gently as he could and pulled out the offending fragment and dropping it in the bucket. Slug then rinsed the cut with some alcohol, since peroxide was a thing of the past, eliciting another hiss from his patient. Putting a clean rag over the wound, he wrapped both hands around Negan’s and pressed on it with both thumbs, applying pressure to stop the bleeding.

Slug was enjoying their closeness as he pressed on the wound, wondering if he could get away with keeping pressure on it for a half hour, or maybe even an hour. “So, she left?” he prompted the man next to him.

Negan was quiet for a moment, finally nodding. “She left me. She took all her shit and a car. She left the factory. I think she left for good.” He spoke the words he’d been thinking, not liking the way they fucking sounded coming out of his mouth.

“And she didn’t say goodbye or tell you where she was going? That doesn’t sound like Gigi.”

“She said goodbye.” Negan revealed softly. He didn’t know why he was telling Slug his woes, other than he knew Gigi trusted him implicitly.

Slug cocked his head again at the man, confused at his words. He couldn’t imagine what had happened to make his friend up and leave without explanation. He lifted the corner of the rag as he thought about it, and seeing fresh blood he put it back on the wound and pressed harder. “I think it will be fine in a few minutes. No need for stitches.” Negan nodded and they sat quietly for a moment before Slug reassured him. “She’ll be back. There’s no way she’s gone for good.”

A thought struck Negan as he replayed his last interactions with his girl in his mind. “Do you know what she was excited about today? She said she had something fantastic she needed to discuss with me, but she never did.”

Gigi’s friend shook his head. “I know she had a lot on her mind but nothing she would have considered fantastic. Your fight, the news about your baby …” Slug purposely busied himself with making sure he was putting exactly the right amount of pressure on Negan’s hand in just the right place as he threw out his guesses as to why Gigi may have left.

“She told you about Frankie?”

“No. I  figured it out when everyone was talking about it at lunch.”

“Everyone was fucking talking about it at lunch?” When Slug nodded in response, he tried to dig further. “Does everyone know who the father is?” He’d asked Frankie to keep the details of her pregnancy to herself until he had the chance to talk it out with Gigi, so he was wondering how everyone knew.

“No,” was the young man’s simple response. The big boss nodded at him, obviously relieved.

“Jesus. No wonder she left,” Negan huffed out a sarcastic laugh at all the shit which had hit his girl in the last forty-eight hour period.

“You know, there are a few things I love about Gigi,” Negan’s nurse looked up his forehead warily at his boss as he fussed over the man’s hand. “One is the fact she’s so loving, yet she can take somebody’s ass down as easily as she can raise an eyebrow at them. The other is, she’s a woman of conviction. When she feels strongly about something, she lives and breathes it. I think if someone really wanted to be with her, they’d have to think about whether they truly could walk her walk, because she wouldn’t be able to compromise herself for anyone. She doesn’t have it in her. And it’s not because she’s stubborn. It’s because she’s so good.”

The young man continued to ramble as he rubbed his index finger over Negan’s wrist, soothingly, not even conscious of his gesture, staring at his boss’s knee because he couldn’t look him in the eye. “Liz told me something Gigi said to her the first day they met, and she said it stuck with her. Gigi told her she thought everyone became the person they needed to be to survive in this world. Once they feel safer and more settled, and sometimes, when they don’t necessarily need their new persona anymore, they have a hard time remembering how to be their old selves.” He was quiet for a moment before he added, “Knowing how innately good she is, I know she would only surround herself with people who had a good side to go back to.”

While Negan stared at Slug thoughtfully, his personal nurse unwrapped his hand again. Seeing it had stopped bleeding, he applied some antibacterial salve Peggy had made, and a bandage before he patted the man’s hand and stood up to put his medical supplies away.

“Thanks, Slug.” Negan raised his bandaged hand as he walked to the door.  Turning back to stare at the man for several seconds, he added, “For everything.”

______________

It was almost noon when the car came into Rosita and Abraham’s view at their posts at the front gate of their community. Rosita was on the perch above the left side of the entrance, and Abe was on the ground by the gate. She raised her AR-15 to look through the scope, while Abe raised his walkie talkie to call the Safe Zone’s leader. “Big ginger to Rick, we’ve got incoming.”

“Talk to me,” came the community leader’s southern accent on the other end. Abe could hear the man on the move as he talked, no doubt already headed to the front of the community.

“One SUV,” the redhead informed him as he turned to look up at the woman above for more information.

“I can only see one woman in the driver’s seat,” Rosita called down to him.

“Looks like one woman,” Abe repeated to Rick.

“Tell the other posts to be on alert. We’re on our way.”

____________

When Rick and his partner, Michonne, approached the gate, Abraham had rolled back the privacy screen and was waiting for him to arrive. The SUV was coming to a stop ten yards back from the entrance, and it’s driver proceeded to sit behind the steering wheel hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. Since Rosita and Abe had the woman in their weapon’s sights, Rick left his Colt holstered, moving to the gate to open it.

“Can I get out of the car?” the woman called through the open window.

“Slowly!” the sheriff called back to her, and he watched as she opened the vehicle’s door, shut it, and immediately put her hands back in the air. She had a plastic bag in one hand with what looked like a photograph inside.

He studied her from head to toe, and squinted at her as he tried to place her face. She looked very familiar. He was searching his brain for where he knew her from, when he heard Michonne behind his right shoulder softly announce, “Oh, my God, Elena looks just like her! Rick, it’s …”

“... their mom,” the sheriff finished, a bit of wonder in his voice.

“Well, I’ll be dipped in shit and rolled in breadcrumbs!” the redhead muttered lowly, his mouth curving into a smile.

“Let’s remember we don’t know where she’s been for the last several months,” Rick murmured to them before he stepped through the gate, motioning for the woman to approach him. “Stevie and Elena’s mom?” he guessed when she was ten feet in front of him, a twinkle in his eye.

“They’re here?” the petite woman asked, her voice breaking. “They’re here!” she choked out as her chest started to heave with emotion. The Alexandrians watched as her hand moved to her chest to clutch it, but then she shook her head slightly and quickly put it back in the air, reining in her emotions. Michonne’s heart broke for the woman in front of her. She could only imagine what it had been like for the woman to be separated from her children for so long, not knowing from day to day if they were still alive. Elena had told her how they’d been trying to meet up for months, but their efforts had been thwarted again and again.

Rick’s partner knew he’d want to question her, but she could feel the excitement and pain radiating off this woman, piercing her own heart, so she passed Rick, approaching her, to expedite things. “I’m Michonne. I need to ask you a few questions, and I need to search you. It’s Gigi, right?”

“Michonne!” Rick started to move towards the two women, barely hiding his irritation. Michonne was acting recklessly, but she gave him a look over her shoulder, causing him to immediately halt, eyebrows raised at her boldness.

Gigi liked this woman already. She made sure the smirk which played at her lips never surfaced as she watched the man she assumed to be the leader, stop immediately at the woman’s bidding.

“How many walkers have you killed?” Michonne asked her as Gigi spread her feet apart on the ground so the woman could do her job.

“A few hundred,” she answered distractedly, her eyes continuously scanning around and behind the group, hoping for a sign of Stevie and Elena.

“Impressive!” Michonne praised as she patted down Gigi’s torso and down her arms, leaving the bag in her hand. She could see the kids and their mother clearly on the photo inside the bag, proving her connection to the children. “How many people have you killed?”

“Forty-seven,” the visitor answered immediately, knowing exactly how many people had died at her hand because she didn’t take the deaths lightly.

“Why?” was the next question. Michonne tried to hide her surprise at the precise number as she bent to run her hands up and down the inside and outside of Gigi’s legs. She could feel the tension in the woman as she started to minutely bounce on the balls of her feet, anxious for the process to be finished. “Almost done,” she reassured her with a smile.

“Sixteen were during a Special Forces invasion in Panama. The other thirty-one were people who attacked me or my community after the turn.”

“Do we know where the kids are?” Michonne turned her head to her friends behind her when she was finished her search, reaching out to gently take the bag from Gigi, smiling at the photograph in it before she handed it back.

___________

Gigi and the three Alexandrians were standing inside the gate, Rick having sent Abe a few houses down to find Stevie, who he knew was with Carl. He had radioed a Daryl, who Gigi assumed was the same man Elena had mentioned in her letter, asking if Elena was with him. “Yep,” was the simple response which came through the device.

“I think she’s still at the house,” Michonne filled her in. “She and Stevie live with us. They are such _good_ kids. And fantastic survivors!” She complimented Gigi, watching as the woman moved minutely from side to side, her excitement over her impending reunion flowing through her body and into her muscles, making her sway, moving like a caged animal.

Gigi heard her daughter’s scream before she saw her. Her head went up, her body and mind instantly on high alert. She lunged forward and to the right to look past Rick, who was standing in front of her. She tried to discern whether her daughter was in distress and which direction the scream was coming from. Her eyes searched the street which ran up the block directly in front of her.

“Mommy!” the scream pierced the quiet air again, and a loud sob escaped Gigi’s lips as she threw herself into motion at the sight of her tiny girl, running out of a house at the far end of the street. Gigi started to take off running, her vision tunneling around her daughter two blocks away.

Hyper focused on her target, she was physically and emotionally startled, rocketed into fight or flight mode when she was jerked back by Rick, who grabbed her left arm to stop her. “Your weapons ...” he started to explain when the petite brunette suddenly spun towards him, growling, her right arm swinging around full force, the side of her fist striking his forearm close to his wrist, effectively knocking herself loose from his grip. Gigi started to run, as fast as she could, hoping the man wouldn’t try to stop her again because it would take all her will not to seriously hurt him.  

“Holy shit!” Abe laughed behind her at the startled look on the leader’s face. The little woman was a pistol. Now they all knew where Elena got her chutzpah from.

“You can’t mess with mama bear,” Michonne murmured to Rick soothingly, gently raising his arm to look at his injured wrist.

Reaching down to her waist as she sprinted, Gigi quickly unbuckled the belt with her blades and her gun holster, holding it by the opposite end from the gun, letting it gently unravel and then safely drop the last few inches to the ground, hoping to deter the leader from coming after her. Her eyes never left Elena as she worked.

Feeling and hearing motion behind her to her left, the sound of a cicada filled her ears. Gigi laughed loudly in elation at her son’s call for her. She turned her head to see Stevie running up from behind her, a huge grin on his face, his close hand reaching forward for her as she reached back. “Mom!” Since his legs were much longer than hers, he caught up quickly and grabbing her hand, ran with her towards Elena their laughter turning into tears, mom pulling her boy’s hand to her lips, holding it there as they moved.

The four people Gigi had left behind marveled as the two closed in on Elena, and Gigi stopped suddenly, one foot in front of the other, knees slightly bent just in time for her daughter to leap full speed onto her, wrapping her legs around her mother to hold herself in place. Her arms immediately circled her mother’s neck as they plastered each other’s faces with kisses, Gigi pulling Stevie into the melee by the neck. He laughed and squirmed as he was forced to endure a barrage of sloppy wet kisses on his cheeks and nose. The Alexandrians could hear Gigi and Elena’s crying from where they stood yards away, their desperation and laughter filling the air as Stevie started talking a mile a minute at his mother.

“Well, shit,” Abe shook his head in wonder, grinning from ear to ear as he looked at Michonne next to him, who was chuckling with joy at the scene.

Five hours later, Stevie, Elena and Gigi were still in the middle of the street, but had moved to sitting on the pavement. Mom and daughter sat facing each other, almost nose to nose, Gigi sitting Indian style with Elena’s legs thrown over her moms. Her son was trying to maintain his sixteen year old coolness, by sitting a few inches apart from them, but he was always touching his mother, with a finger tapping her knee or his foot under her leg on the pavement. They hadn’t stopped talking the entire time they sat, moving occasionally to relieve the sore spots created by sitting on the hard ground.

At five thirty Carol came by to let them know dinner was ready at Rick’s house, inviting the three to join them. “This is the woman who makes the great cookies, Mom!” Elena gushed. Carol smiled down at the girl, carding her fingers through the teen’s short hair. She could see a bit of her daughter Sophia in the freckles on Elena’s nose and her full lips. She obviously got them from her mother.

“You’re hungry, right, mom?” Stevie asked her, and when his mom nodded, he advised Carol they’d be there in a minute. He knew his mother was both hungry and tired, having sat awake on the side of the road overnight while she moved a huge herd of walkers out of her way with some flares, so she could continue forward.  

Fifteen minutes later, Michonne called into Carol from the porch, “They haven’t moved. You think we should take dinner to them?” Neither mom could blame the three for not wanting to break their physical contact after being apart for months. They enlisted Daryl to help them carry plates, while Carl carried a pitcher of lemonade and cups. They joined the family on the street for a pavement picnic, taking the opportunity to get to know Gigi, and found themselves talking long after dinner was over. It was nine o’clock before the community members left the three alone again.

“I like her,” Michonne whispered to Carol as they walked away. “She does the same thing Stevie does. You know, how he sucks you in and makes you like him?”

“It’s like you can't _help_ but like her.” Carol agreed, having mentally noted how Daryl had been sitting next to Gigi while they ate and talked, and the hunter hadn’t even batted an eye when the woman had touched his hand and his arm as she talked to him, something which would normally make him back away.

“Right? I sort of feel like the nerd at school who wants to be the head cheerleader’s friend.”

“I’m going to try out for co captain,” Carol teased, affirming her friend’s analogy.

____________

At midnight, Rick approached the family sitting on the street, and let them know he was headed to bed, so he needed to put Gigi in a cell. He didn’t tell them he was actually going to be sleeping on the couch because he and Michonne had fought over the sheriff’s insistence he had to follow the rules whether the woman had just been reunited with her children or not. She was volatile, and he needed to be sure she wasn’t going to hurt anyone before he let her have access to the community.

Michonne had smirked at him, not wanting to call him on his wounded male ego. She promptly informed him he would be able to see the house with the cell easily, in case Gigi tried anything in the middle of the night, since he’d be sleeping on the couch.

Elena was more than disappointed her mother couldn’t sleep in her and Stevie’s room, sulking all the way to the cell. “We’ll keep her company for awhile,” Elena informed Rick as he locked the cell door, despite her mother’s insistence her children should go to bed, and she and Stevie sat themselves down on the floor, close to the bars and began to talk again the minute Rick turned to go.

“I can’t blame him, Elena,” Gigi admitted after he left. “I did kind of attack him when he tried to stop me from running to you.”

“It’s like the scene in Dumbo! The one where Dumbo’s mom ends up behind bars because she tried to defend her kid?” Stevie reminded them. “The scene you two bawled over and then got mad when Dad and I laughed at you!” The bitter sweet memory caused them all to laugh.

“Sing the song, mom!” Elena prompted. “We haven’t heard you sing in forever!”

Gigi smiled at her children through the bars, reaching through to touch them, her heart aching with love and happiness. “You know it’s going to kill me, Elena,” her eyes already getting misty at the thought of Dumbo’s mother caressing him and rocking him with her trunk through the cell bars.

 

_Baby mine, don't you cry_

_Baby mine, dry your eyes_

_Rest your head close to my heart_

_Never to part_

_Baby of mine_

 

_Little one, when you play_

_Don't you mind what they say_

_Let those eyes sparkle and shine_

_Never a tear_

_Baby of mine_

 

_From your head to your toes_

_You're so sweet, goodness knows_

_You are so precious to me_

_Cute as can be_

_Baby of mine_

 

Stevie wasn’t surprised when his mother and sister were crying by the end of the song. He made the mistake of laughing at their angst once again, and was rewarded with petulant slaps on his legs by both family members as they broke into laughter.

At three in the morning, when Michonne popped her head into the basement room as part of her guard duty, she turned with a silent huff and raced back to her home across the street. Charging into the living room, she grabbed a throw pillow from the sofa and smacked the sheriff in the head with it. “If you don’t want to sleep on this couch for the rest of the month, you better get up and let Stevie and Elena’s mom out of the cell.” When Rick just stared up at her in a sleepy daze, she ordered, “Get up!”

Half asleep, Rick followed her across the street and into the basement, Michonne signaling for him to be quiet as they descended the steps. Taking in the scene by the cell, he knew he’d lost the battle and nodded at his woman. The kids and their mother were still on the floor, but Gigi had passed all of the bedding from the cot through the bars to them. Elena was laying on her side, head next to the bars of the cell on the blanket and Stevie was on his back next to her, his head on the cot’s pillow, covered in the sheet. Gigi was laying on the bare cement floor of the cell, curled up on her side, knees and head close to the bars. Both of her hands were on the outside of the cell, the fingers of one hand in her son’s hair, her other hand acting as Elena’s pillow.

“Pssst,” Rick softly called to them, waiting for them all to look up at him before he beckoned them, “Come on, let’s go over to the house.” The children started to protest leaving their mother, but stopped when he leaned over them to unlock the cell door, giving Gigi a smile as he motioned for her to come out.

_____________

“She didn’t talk to you when you got back yesterday?” Liz asked warily, trying to figure out exactly what she should tell the leader of the Sanctuary. It was noon when he knocked on her door, looking like he hadn’t slept the night before.

“Would I be here fucking asking you if she did?” the man snapped at her. Realizing he needed information from the woman and needed to play nice, he shook his head. “Sorry.”

Gigi would have told Negan where she was going if she wanted him to know. Liz couldn’t imagine her friend leaving Negan in the dark when she knew she may be gone for days or weeks, but she wouldn’t betray her friend’s confidence. Her boss was looking at her, radiating irritation, but she knew he wouldn’t come to her unless he was desperate. He was too proud to admit he wasn’t in the know, she surmised, and he was coming to her because she knew Gigi trusted her. He was trusting her also, to give him any information she had and to be discreet.

“She radioed me at Hilltop. Told me something fantastic had happened, but she never told me what it was before she left, I don’t know if it was the reason she left,” Negan suggested.

 _Boy, he’s really in denial. What are the stages of grief? Denial is the first one._ She wasn’t going to burst his bubble. “She found out where her children are, Negan,” Liz confessed.

“Really?” his face was a mixture of excitement and confusion, as he looked at Liz. “Where are they? Where is she?”

Liz hoped she sounded convincing as she lied, “We didn’t talk about it. She just told me she knew where they were, she’d found clues in one of their letters and she needed to go to them right away. She was flitting all over your apartment, trying to gather her things, talking about how she couldn’t wait to see them, but she had to wait for you to get back, because she couldn’t leave without seeing you.” At least this much was the truth.

Negan nodded at the information, then turned and walked away muttering, “Thanks, Liz.”

 _What the fuck? I can’t believe she didn’t fucking tell me about the kids. She told Liz she had to see me before she left, but then she didn’t bother to tell me she was leaving, or where she was going. It doesn’t make any fucking sense._ He wondered if she’d made her way to the children yet, and what their reunion had been like. He knew her head must’ve fucking exploded after waiting so long to finally meet up with them. Despite his agitation and confusion, he smiled at the thought.

Heading back to his apartment, he looked around the space, his eyes landing on his mangled coffee table. Grabbing his walkie talkie, he called for Arat to find someone to clean up a mess in his apartment as he stepped into the glass on the floor with his boots to pick up the mystery novel Gigi had been reading, her notebook, and her pen which had been laying on the table before he Lucilled it. Holding both books by their binding, he shook the glass out from between the pages before he moved to his bookshelf to slide them in between his notebooks and a bookend on the third shelf. She would need them when she came back.

_______________

Simon didn’t know what to make of what was going on at the factory. He hadn’t seen Gigi for days, and he’d seen Negan for only a few seconds at a time here and there when he’d emerge from his apartment to make his rounds through the factory and around it’s grounds. His boss was subdued, distracted, and pensive even. He wasn’t himself at all. People were starting to ask questions. Knowing his boss liked to keep his business to himself, the second in command evaded giving a straightforward answer about Gigi, and telling the workers and the lieutenants alike Negan was taking a vacation of sorts.

He approached both Liz and Slug concerning Gigi’s whereabouts, knowing she was close to them, but both were tight-lipped about why he hadn’t seen their friend around the property, feigning ignorance.

He played Sherlock Holmes, discreetly checking with the top and bottom tiers at the Sanctuary to find out his boss’s whereabouts.

“No, he didn’t sign anything out,” Blaine had informed the second in command when Simon asked him. “He told me he didn’t need to sign dick because this is his fucking factory and could take a vehicle whenever the fuck he wanted.” The mechanic cringed a little bit as he repeated the leader’s harsh words.

“Definitely sounds like our illustrious leader,” the second in command nodded with a chuckle.

_______

“My brain is just fried,” Simon told Tayvon when he approached the man on guard duty at the main gate, “I can’t remember if he told me he was going out yesterday, today or tomorrow, or….” he trailed off.

“Oh, he went out yesterday _and_ today,” the guard informed him, finding the right hand man’s confusion out of character. He was normally on the ball with details. 

“Yeah? How long was he gone yesterday? I never did run into him,” Simon tried to play innocent as he fished for information.

“Don’t know, man. He left at the beginning of my shift, and he didn’t come back before I finished four hours later. He’s been gone three hours so far today,” Tayvon reported as he looked at his watch and calculated the time in his head.

“Huh,” was all Simon could respond.

___________

On day nine, Arat happened on the big boss in the lieutenants’ store room. He was standing in front of the bin full of women's body wash and hair products. He had three bottles of the same brand label body wash on the table in front of him, and was opening them one by one. Putting each bottle under his nose, he squeezed them to force some of the scented air out so he could sniff it. Bottle number three, with the mango and coconut on the front seemed to be the charm because he closed the first two bottles and put them back in the bin before he took the third and left the room without a word to her, leaving the lieutenant wondering why Gigi didn't come to pick out a body wash herself. Everyone had been gossiping about the fact the commander hadn't shown her face for a week. It was strange, since there’d been no word she was sick.

__________

By the end of the second week of Negan’s absence, people were getting antsy within the walls of the factory. There wasn’t a person who hadn’t noticed the absence of Gigi’s uplifting spirit around their home, and the fact their leader hadn’t made his presence known for almost two weeks was unsettling. People were starting to talk, speculate, and worry.

On day fifteen, Simon saw Negan pass by in the hallway at dinnertime when the right hand man was in the kitchen, but by the time he sat his tray of food down and made his way into the hall the leader was long gone. He didn’t dare knock on the boss’s door before breakfast or after dinner, when he knew the man would be in his apartment. He knew Negan well enough to know the big boss would seek him out when he was ready, and until then, he should be left alone.

__________

On day seventeen, Skinny Joe and Fat Joe decided to find out what the hell was going on, and they made their way up to Slug’s room. When Slug opened the door to his apartment, to reveal Liz standing inside, both Gigi's teammates sporting serious expressions, the two men barged in on their conversation insisting they needed to know if Gigi was okay, and what the hell was going on with their boss.

“We know you know what’s going on …” Fat Joe started, looking at Gigi’s teammates with a scowl. He and Skinny had decided they should make like tough guys, like they weren't going to leave until they got the information they needed, since Slug and Liz tended to keep personal information close to the vest.

“... and we wanna know!” Skinny Joe insisted, both men nodding their heads with a frown, crossing the arms over their chests.

“Why should we tell _you_?” Liz challenged the men with an exaggerated scowl of her own before she looked at Slug for confirmation or negation of whether she should spill the beans.

“Can you keep your mouths shut?” Slug asked the Joeys after conferring non verbally with Liz, looking back and forth between the two men slyly.

When both men nodded vigorously, their tough cop pretense suddenly gone, Gigi’s teammate shut the door and started to talk.

__________

The same evening, when Negan walked down the quiet hallway to his apartment, he cocked his head to the side to take in the man sitting on the floor next to his door, walking his fingers up the door frame, seemingly out of boredom.

“You waiting for me?” the leader asked with raised eyebrows as he took his keys out of his pocket. When Slug nodded nervously, he nodded back thoughtfully, inviting, “Come on in, then,” as he pushed open the door and motioned for the young man to follow him.

Hanging his leather jacket on the coat rack next to Gigi’s pink hat, Negan spread out the sleeves and checked it for stains, then looked down at his shirt and pants, doing the same. Spotting some blood and guts on himself, he pointed Slug to the mini fridge ordering, “Get us a beer,” as he made his way to the dresser to grab fresh clothes before heading into the bathroom.

Slug followed the boss’s directive as he heard the shower turn on in the other room. Opening the two beers, Slug sat down on the sofa and proceeded to guzzle his own for courage, sitting the other on the coffee table across from him.

Negan came out of the bathroom only a few minutes later, dressed in a new set of clothes, toweling off his hair as he sat down on a chair across from the young man. “Well?" He took a swig of his beer as he eyeballed Slug, wondering what the man wanted.

Slug picked at the label of his beer bottle for several seconds before he finally looked up at his boss. “I was nominated to come talk to you,” he started.

“Oh?” His boss looked at him with a smirk.

“Yeah. We were just wondering if you’re okay. No one’s seen much of you lately … and people have realized Gigi has been MIA for two weeks … and ... they’re starting to talk.”

Negan stared at him for an uncomfortable amount of time before he finally got up and began pacing the room. “And just who nominated you to come here, Slug?”

“Liz and the Joeys,” he answered truthfully. They had decided as a group it was okay for him to do so, because it was unlikely Negan would take all four of them down if he got seriously pissed at the invasion of his privacy. Slug only hoped they were right.

“Huh.” The bossman took another swig of his beer as he stared at the young man again for almost a minute. “And why should I give a fuck if people are talking?” he snarked loudly, watching Slug flinch.

The leader couldn’t help but admire the young man’s balls as Slug looked up at him after staring at his knees for a few seconds and informed him with all the attitude he could muster in the intimidating man’s presence, “You don’t have to give a fuck. But you’re in charge, this is your castle, and you need to know people are upset. Their king and queen have suddenly disappeared, and they don’t know why. Their stability seems to have disappeared, and it’s unsettling. They need reassurance.” When Negan didn't respond, other than to nod, Slug put his beer bottle down on the table, getting up to walk to the door.

“Hey,” his boss started as he opened the door to leave. “Can you come back tomorrow at about nine? I have a project I need you to handle for me.”

“Uhh. Sure?” Slug left, wondering if his boss had heard his message.

____________

When Slug met Negan at his apartment the next morning, the leader led him two doors down, across from his apartment on the third floor, opening it with a key. He stepped inside, looking around. “What do you think? There are more windows in the rooms on this side of the hall. “I’m thinking Stevie and Elena would like this one, and the one next door. They’re identical. I want you to decorate them for the kids. I’ve been driving around for the last couple of weeks, and made a list of furniture stores and those fucking antique stores on the outskirts of town which look fairly untapped. What do you think?” he asked again, looking around the former office, as he swung Lucille forward and back at his side.

Slug looked around with his boss, finally realizing what the man was planning. “For when Gigi brings the kids back here?” He was sure Negan had no idea what Gigi's plans were. They both were in the dark. Slug had assumed she was coming back, but then again he never would have thought his friend would have just taken off without telling her plans to Negan. Unless she didn’t want him to know where she was going, which might mean she wasn't coming back. The young man was confused and a little hurt she’d taken off without seeking her Slug out to say goodbye. He could only imagine how his boss felt about things being left up in the air.

She’d only been gone two weeks and the whole place was feeling it, not just her lover and her close friends. It was as if the whole factory was in a funk because she was gone. He’d heard enough about what the place was like before Gigi showed up and calmed the savage beast named Negan, to know he hoped things didn’t backslide if she didn’t come back. He hoped she was coming back. No, he was sure she’d come back. Maybe he and his boss were both in denial.

_____________

As he stood at Gigi’s family tree on the side of Route sixty six, Negan finally, truly knew how Gigi felt each time her children weren’t there to meet her, or there was no sign they'd been there. He’d woken in the morning with the idea she may have left him a note tied to the fucking tree. She’d joked with him once, if she ever got lost, the Josephs could give him directions to the tree to look for her, because she’d meet him there. She was definitely fucking lost. At least that’s how it felt to Negan, because otherwise she’d have come back to him by now, or at least let him know she was fucking safe and when she’d be back. Or maybe he was the one who was fucking lost, without her.

He found the carvings in the tree Gigi had told him about, and there were still some strands of yellow yarn tied to the branch. There were no new carvings and there was no red yarn. There was no letter for him. He took his time tying black ribbon around the branch he’d gotten from the odds and ends guy, just in case she did show up sometime, because she’d joked he should tie something black around the branch, to show her he was in mourning without her.

Getting back into his SUV, he took off back towards the Sanctuary, his disappointment turning into anger as he drove. He’d already spent three weeks mourning her ass, acting like a fucking love sick bitch. He was getting tired of worrying about whether she was okay and he was tired of trying to figure out when she’d be back. Fuck her. If she gave two shits about him she would’ve told him where she was going, and when she’d be back. Or at least how to contact her.

_Christ, she could’ve taken her fucking walkie if she was going within fifty miles or so of the factory. Fuck her._

_Shit. What if she was going further out than fifty miles? Fuck if she wasn’t going to get herself killed, goddamnit. Aww shit. What if she’s gotten herself fucking killed traipsing all over the fucking place and she’ll never be back? I’ll never even fucking know she’s dead. She could fucking rot on the side of the road and it’d serve her right. Fuck her._

_She just needs to come the fuck back to me._

_____________

“I can go with him,” Daryl told Gigi. “Ya got nothin’ ta worry about with Stevie going out there since we moved all them walkers outta the area.  A lot of the walkers that weren’t in the quarry joined the herd as we moved it. We could see ‘em coming from all sides towards the herd. The noise drew ‘em in with the ones walking on the road. We won’t have any trouble. We’ll be there and back in no time.”

Gigi looked at the man skeptically, but with a smile, loving he was offering to get her letter for her boss man to the tree. She had every faith both he and her son knew how to handle themselves out there, but you never knew what unexpected dangers could pop up when you went outside the walls, and Stevie’s arm still wasn’t fully healed from the break and infection he’d sustained. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing her son now that she’d found him.

“You going to risk your butt to deliver my love letter?” she teased the hunter.

“Mmhm,” he chewed on the inside of his bottom lip as he looked at her, shrugging his shoulders like it was no big deal. She could see why Elena adored him. He was tough on the outside, soft and mushy on the inside, just like the teenager was. Gigi had watched their dynamic since she’d arrived in Alexandria.  Elena nagged him and everyone else to make sure they didn’t take him for granted, and he looked out for her. They’d seek each other out just to be comfortably quiet together. She’d sketch, while he worked on his bike, or they’d both sit in silence on the front porch of the house they all shared, for hours at a time. Elena told her mom Daryl was like a big brother to her, but one who didn’t fight with her all the time like Stevie did.

“Mom, didn’t you tell him in the note you left him, there’d be a letter at the tree before tomorrow?” Stevie made it a point not to mention his mom had directions to the Safe Zone in the letter, knowing Rick wouldn’t want her to give them to a stranger. She had assured Stevie, Negan wouldn’t do any harm if he came to Alexandria, especially knowing she and her children were living there.

“And while we’re out there, we can look for those meds for you. Denise said she could give us directions to a pharmacy along the way, she thinks might have medications left,” Daryl offered.

Gigi lay back on the pillows on her bed, the pain in her head escalating simply from trying to make a decision about how to get a letter to Negan at the family tree. She’d only been in Alexandria for a week when the headaches she’d thought had come to an end kicked back into high gear, and were actually worse than they’d been before. The town’s doctor, Denise, had done an exam, and found Gigi’s blood pressure high, which were causing pressure and pain in her head. The problem ran in her family, so Gigi wasn’t surprised at the finding, despite being in peak physical shape. She’d had a massive amount of stress and angst she’d been through in the last several months. The doctor had also mentioned her head injury could have caused the system which regulates blood pressure to go haywire, causing the sudden change.

The doctor had no medication to offer Gigi, so she’d simply suggested rest, diet changes and minimizing her stress. The problem with the last suggestion was Gigi had a certain amount of worry wondering how Negan had reacted to her disappearance and the letter she’d left him, wondering if she’d handled things the right way, wondering if they’d be able to work out their differences, and trying to guess whether he would show up at the tree to get the directions to find her. She wanted to believe he would. She thought she knew him well enough to know he’d arrive at Alexandria as soon as he could get there after reading the letter.

_God, I miss him._

__________

_Fuck her and just fuck her.  Fuck. Her._

______________

Towards the end of week three, the residents of the factory were all the more restless, and the mood around the place was low. Simon had called a halt to Fiesta Friday, because the last was a disaster, two drunken fist fights breaking out during the party, leaving Stan the Man, who wasn’t even one of the participants of the brawls, missing a tooth. The Fiesta just wasn’t the same without Gigi, the second in command had to admit to himself as he broke up the second fight with the help of Keno and Pedro and brought the party to an early end. _I hope she comes back from wherever the hell she is, and soon._

The following Monday, an argument broke out on the exchange floor when the red head with the long frizzy hair told Charlie the barber he didn’t quite have enough weed to pay for his hair cut. “Then why the hell’d you ask for a trim if you didn’t have enough to pay for it?” Charlie demanded. Shouting and shoving ensued, but just as the first punch was thrown, all heads turned at the familiar sound of Lucille banging on the railing of the second floor landing. A hush fell over the room as everyone dropped to one knee, eyes lowered.

“What the fuck, people?” Negan yelled from above. “I take some time off, and you people go to fucking pieces, fighting like cats and dogs? Get your shit together!” He looked around the room, eyebrow raised, agitated he even had to deal with this bullshit. “Next time I see this kinda shit going on,” the leader pointed at the two men who’d been fighting, “Somebody’s going to be fucking tangling with Lucille!” He looked around the room, enjoying his subjects submission before he yelled, “Who the fuck are we?”

 _“The Saviors!”’_ his people called back to him, making him smirk.

“What do we do?”

_“We save people!”_

“Well you can’t fucking _save people_ if you can’t get your own shit together, can you, so get it the fuck together!” he admonished them one more time. A collective sigh went up and the relief in the room was palpable. Their glorious leader had returned from his sabbatical to take charge and keep things in line. All was just about right with the world. The only thing missing was Gigi.

“As you were!” Negan dismissed them, leaning on the railing to watch the activity below. After making his way up the steps to the landing, Simon joined him. The two men took in the workers below them for a few minutes before Negan informed him, “Gigi went to find her kids,” very matter of fact, “I’m not sure when she’ll be back.”

“Huh,” his right hand man responded, knowing not to ask any questions. “She’s gotta be excited to see them again.”

“Yep,” was the boss’s response as he turned to walk away, wondering if he’d be as excited about his own kid when it arrived. He just couldn’t imagine it.

 _Fuck her and her disappearing act._ He told Simon he didn’t know when she’d be back, but in reality he didn’t know if she was coming back at all. He figured if she didn’t come back he’d simply spread the word she must have run into some trouble and gotten herself killed.

_Fuck her if she doesn’t come back._

____________

“He’d already been there?” Gigi looked at Stevie confused from her propped up position in her bed, “But I’m sure I wrote the fifteenth in my letter! Tomorrow’s the fifteenth!”

Stevie took in his mother’s confused face as he opened his backpack, rifling through it. “I don’t know mom, but he left you something.” He pulled the item out of the bottom of his bag and dropped it in her lap.

Her head slowly tilted to the side in confusion before she remembered joking with Negan a few months before about looking for her at the family tree. She picked up the rolled up black ribbon on her lap with a smile. It looked like her boss man had used several spools, tying them end to end.

“He had it wrapped from one end of the branch to the other, Mom,” Stevie grinned at her.

“And he always told me he didn’t know how to be romantic!” Gigi laughed as she fondled the pile of ribbon in her lap as she told her son the symbolism.  She wondered why he’d come early to the tree, and hoped it meant he’d be back tomorrow or the day after. Maybe he simply wanted her to find his message of mourning when she came to leave the letter. _So sweet._

___________

_Fuck her. If she were here, I’d tell her to her fucking face. ‘Fuck you for just taking off and acting like it all meant nothing. FUCK. YOU.’_

___________

When Negan didn’t show up at the Safe Zone after Daryl and Stevie delivered her first letter, she assumed wires were crossed somehow, or perhaps she’d written a number other than fifteen in her hurry to finish her note and get down to the party on the factory floor to wait for Negan’s return. Maybe something big was happening at the factory and Negan couldn’t get away. She hoped it wasn’t something with Frankie or the baby, and worried about whether the boss man himself was okay. He'd taken the time to leave her the ribbon, so he'd obviously be back at some point for her letter. She wondered when.

When Negan still hadn’t come to the Safe Zone for her two weeks after the first letter, Gigi started visiting the tree herself every two weeks. She was disappointed and worried each time when there was no sign of him. Instead of taking her previous letters out of the bag and replacing them with a new letter as she had done for the children, she added the new letter to the others in the bag. She felt like she had so much to tell him, so many things which had been left unsaid, so she continued to add to the thoughts she’d left before.

She told him how she and the children were doing, and more about their new community. She wrote out some of the issues she hadn’t resolved with him before she’d left the factory. She was sure he’d read them soon, and come to her ready to pick things back up where they’d left off. After the second letter, she started giving him the next date she’d be visiting the tree, in the hopes he’d be there to meet her one day.

In her fourth letter, she had to tell him she wouldn’t be able to come back to the tree to meet him because her hypertension would make it dangerous for her to travel soon. It had been pushing a little higher with each trip, even though she was meditating before, during and after to try to keep her body calm. Denise wasn’t at all happy her patient insisted on driving an hour to leave love letters on the side of the road. Gigi’s blood pressure kept rising with each week that passed. The nausea and pressure in her head which accompanied it were adding to her misery. She remained productive as long as she could to contribute to the community, sitting on a stool at the guard post over the gate with her rifle, but Denise had finally told her she needed to go to bed, and stay there. Gigi readily agreed, knowing she needed to take care of herself for her children.

When Stevie and Daryl added the seventh letter to the bag tied to the tree, Gigi started to let the possibility Negan may never read them seep out of her subconscious and roll around in the back of her mind. When she handed them the tenth letter to deliver to the tree, she admitted out loud to them she knew she needed to end their treks to the tree. She knew she was being selfish, but she couldn’t bear the thought of her boss man discovering she’d given up on them. Since she’d passed the best of Fat Joe’s redirect strategies on to Daryl, she didn’t have to worry they’d be caught in the middle of a herd of walkers while they were outside the walls of the community. She was more worried, at this point, they’d get stranded somewhere in freezing weather, since it was the middle of February.

She wrote her eleventh letter to Negan, even though it would never be taken to the tree, sitting in her new bed in one of Alexandria’s townhouses, propped up with pillows as she had been for the last two months, per doctor Denise’s orders.

Rick had offered her and the kids their own place a month before, so they could spread out a bit, thinking they might be getting tired of sleeping in the same room. He’d chucked when Gigi had confided the three of them had ended up lined up across the king size bed in the master bedroom for a week after they moved in, because they didn't want to be too far away from each other.

Stevie was the first to venture out into his own room after about a week. Elena left her mom during week two. They checked on her frequently during the day, as did the residents of the community, and her kids sat with her at night. She filled the in between time by reading and doing word puzzles in magazines Daryl had found for her when he went on runs.

As she finished letter number eleven to Negan, Gigi broke down and finally admitted to herself it was over. For the first time since the “I was named after a call girl”, middle school incident, she had a full blown, all out pity party for herself. She was bedridden, and felt miserable and useless. Worse though, was the fact it turned out she didn’t know her boss man as well as she’d thought, because he hadn't come to her. He was never coming. She was stunned to find she'd been so wrong about him.

Even if he didn’t want to continue their relationship, she was shocked at the idea he didn’t care to know what happened to her or how she was doing. He didn’t care if she found her children, or if she made it to them safely. She couldn’t fathom the idea. She'd thought they’d had such a deep connection, but he obviously was able to just forget her and move on the minute she left.

It struck her it might have been easy for Negan to forget her when there was an attractive young redhead who was going to have his baby any minute, right under his nose. Maybe Gigi had made a big mistake in leaving him in the dark when she left. Maybe she, herself had made it easy for him to move on when she walked out of the picture right after Frankie announced her pregnancy. It may have made the choice of how to move forward much easier for him.

After a half hour of wallowing in some healthy self pity, Gigi closed her eyes, took a deep breath and shook her head to get rid of the negative. She opened her eyes and began making a list of all of the things she had to be grateful for. Even if she was having health issues, she was alive. She had her children with her and they were all safe and living well in Alexandria. They had new friends, and a new extended family they adored. Maybe one day, when her blood pressure stabilized she could go back and visit her other friends and family at the Sanctuary.

Though she was heartbroken over losing Negan, she truly was grateful for her months with him, and she was thankful she had so many beautiful memories and precious gifts he hadn’t even known he’d given her. They would be her lifelong reminder of him, and he would always have a place in her heart.

____________

“You did _what?_ ” Negan yelled at Frankie.

“I took it down to the exchange floor, Negan! I figured there might be someone who might like to have it.”

Negan stormed around his apartment, _his fucking apartment,_ glaring at all the stuff Frankie had managed to sneak in under his nose and casually lay around so it took up all his fucking space.

He’d told her he thought they should maintain separate living spaces until after the baby came to see how they got along with the kid thrown into the mix, then they could talk about living together. If he was honest with himself, he'd suggested it because he was afraid if she moved in with him, he might never get rid of her. He didn’t even know if he liked the woman. Sure, she’d been his favorite before he met Gigi, but he’d realized the minute he fucked her again it’d never be the same.

He thought he’d moved on when Gigi hadn’t come back after three months, making his way back to Yvonne’s bed first, then Kaley’s and finally Frankie’s, looking for something to fill the void, expecting things to be the same as they were when they were his wives. It wasn't the same with any of them because he now had a higher standard to hold them to, and none of them could reach the bar. He’d hooked up with the redhead last because he still wasn’t sure how he felt about the pregnancy. He wanted to be excited about it, but he couldn’t find it in him. He could only hope he’d love this kid once it showed up, like everyone described when they talked about their children.

Once he’d slept with Frankie again, she’d slowly wormed her way into his space, first by falling asleep after he fucked her instead of going back to her own room as he’d dictated when she’d originally become a wife. Then she’d started showing up to hang out with him after dinner, and next thing he knew, her shit was all the fuck over his space.

Her makeup and hair shit was all over his dresser and bathroom sink. Her vapid fucking girly magazines and romance novels were covering the coffee table, along with yesterday’s snack she’d never finished before she’d sneaked into his bed while he was in the bathroom. Before she'd gotten knocked up, he would have told her ass to get the fuck out of his apartment before he went to sleep, but now he felt like he owed her, which majorly sucked ass.

On top of it all, being the big pussy he was for Gigi, he kept wondering what would happen if his girl showed up again out of the blue and found Frankie had moved in on her territory, even though he knew at this point it’d never happen. So he put up with Frankie invading his space because he felt obligated. But this shit, this was too much. She’d gone too fucking far. When he’d come back from work and hung his jacket on the coat rack, he’d noticed the pink suede cowboy hat was missing.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing messing with my shit, Frankie?” he spat at her. “It wasn’t your fucking hat to get rid of! It’s my fucking hat, and you’re going to go down to the exchange floor right now and get it, and bring it back!”

“It’s not _your_ hat, Negan,” she challenged him. “It was Gigi’s hat.” She squared her shoulders, looking at him defiantly, waddling up to him to get in his face. “She’s not coming back, you know.” She started her rant off angrily, but ended up pleading with him, begging him to let go of the ghost of Mary Sunshine and consider the pregnant woman in front of him. “You need to move on. Let her go! Please?” Here she was, practically living with him, having his baby, and yet she’d never felt so lonely.

Negan refused to hear what she was truly saying to him. He wasn’t clueless. He just downright refused. “I’ll go get it myself,” he groused, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack and storming out of the apartment.

When he got back to the apartment a half hour later, Frankie and all her shit were gone which, it was sad to fucking say, pleased him greatly. She’d be better off back in her own room. They’d both be happier this way. He hung Gigi’s hat back up in its place on the coat rack, alongside his jacket, poured himself a bourbon, and sat in the corner of the couch, contemplating everything which had happened over the last several months. It all just fucking sucked.

_____________

It had been so long since the wrath of Negan had rained down on anyone at the Sanctuary, the Saviors had forgotten how ugly it could be. They’d forgotten how nerve wracking it could be to wonder, day to day, if something they did would be deemed worthy of death by Lucille, something they’d never suspect was worthy of the death penalty.

The day Negan beat the new guy to death for spitting at him during an argument, it all came back, clear as day, to those who had lived at the Sanctuary, “Pre Gigi”. The Negan they all knew and feared was back. Since there was no divide now between the lieutenants and the workers, they all whispered among themselves, speculating about whether something had happened between Negan and Frankie to have set him off, about how he hadn’t been the same since Gigi had left, and wondering who would be the next to incur his wrath. They all tread lightly around him, acting on their best behavior and hoping they weren’t important enough to show up on his radar so they could try to continue to live at the Sanctuary in peace.

Five days later, Roger lost a finger for stealing a pack of cigarettes while he had been helping unload some trucks which had come in from a scavenging run.  One week later, when the janitor guy and the skinny blonde’s seven year old spilled some pickle juice on the big boss’s boots on the exchange floor, Negan had yelled at him so ferociously the boy had wet his pants.

The same night, when Negan approached his third floor apartment after his work day had ended, Slug was sitting on the floor with his back against the boss’s door, waiting for him. Sighing, Negan gestured for the man to get up, inviting him in once he unlocked the door.

Once inside the apartment, Slug made his way to the fridge and took out two beers, opening them and handing one to Negan. The young man’s actions didn’t phase Negan, since they’d shared several beers over the last few months, getting more and more comfortable with each other while the young man worked on the boss man’s decorating project. The rooms had been finished quickly, and now were beautifully comfortable, but void of persons to live in them.

What did surprise Negan, was when Slug asked if he could hold Lucille. The boss hadn’t set her down since he entered the apartment. Looking curiously at the young man, he handed his girl over. “Only because I trust you with her, Slug,” the man confided with a wink.

Once Slug had Lucille, he casually moved the bat behind his back as he took a long drink of his beer. He Looked his boss in the eye ordering, “You need to stop this shit, Negan. You have everyone in the factory shaking in their boots.”

His superior squinted at him with a combination of irritation and surprise. “Maybe I like it this way. Maybe I _like_ everyone quaking in my presence.”

Shaking his head in disappointment, the young man challenged him bluntly with a tilt of his head and raised eyebrows, “Really? Is this who you want to be? Is this the way you want things to be?”

“Well don’t you have a big ol’ set of fucking beach ball sized nuts on you today!” Negan challenged him, smirking. “You’re lucky my girl is behind your back!” It wasn’t quite clear to either man whether the threat was joking or serious.

Slug held firm, making sure to maintain eye contact as he threw out his retort, “I may be peeing my pants right now, just like Nicky did today, but I’m not stupid.” He made a show of pushing the bat further behind his back and taking one step backwards, hoping for the best. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when the big boss threw his head back and genuinely laughed at the admission. He grinned at his boss, taking one more step back as he queried, “Would I be pushing my luck if I ask if you’ll let me and Liz and the rest of the team help you whip this place back into shape? We think we could implement some new ideas to ease the tension around here and we have some ideas to make us more self sufficient, since the scavenging runs have become less and less successful lately.”

“Yeah, you fucking will,” Negan warned him, walking over to the sofa. “But go ahead and sit down,” he sighed dramatically. “Let me hear what you have to say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why the hell didn't Negan see the letter in the notebook?! Augh! ;)
> 
> So....how did I do with the reunion? I'm hoping it came across as it felt for me, because I was a blubbering mess. When I write, things always sound great in my head, and I can only hope they come across as well when I write them out.
> 
> Chapter playlist-  
> Baby of Mine from the original Disney Dumbo soundtrack.


	22. But I Can't Be Thrown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She felt her heart skip a beat as she realized he had no idea what she was talking about. She was sickened at the thought. Could it be he hadn’t come to her because he didn’t know she’d asked him? She quietly explained, watching closely for his response, “In my orange work notebook, Negan. I wrote you a long letter in the notebook and left it open on the coffee table for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll my lovelies, and am excited to post this chapter so soon after the last.

Gigi knew he’d be coming, the minute Elena described what had happened to Carol and Morgan when they were on their run. The pair had been trying to find medication for her since her blood pressure had started spiking into a range which could cause permanent damage to her blood vessels or even a stroke. The runners had ventured to a new area, north of Alexandria, because Gigi had told them about a small pharmacy which was off the beaten path, at the edge of a community. It was the same pharmacy she’d raided before she and her handful of friends had left the area after their community was pillaged. She hadn’t considered the little pharmacy as a possible source of relief for her problem since the trip would take hours, but traveling further out was the only option, since all the pharmacies close to Alexandria had been tapped.

Gigi, Rick and his gang had worried when Carol and Morgan didn’t return from the run when expected. Knowing some of the roads which led to the area were blocked with cars, they knew their trip would likely be an overnight, but when the pair hadn’t returned after five days, they knew something had gone wrong. Daryl had been going crazy, worrying about Carol, and Rick had just made the executive decision to send out a search party, when Morgan drove up to the front gate, with a wounded Carol in the passenger seat.

While Denise had looked over her new patient, Morgan had told Rick, Daryl and Michonne how they’d been stopped by a group of eight men who were confrontational. They’d informed the pair they were “Negan” and insisted the two take them back to their community, which they knew was several clicks up the road.  They’d very seriously told the two they planned on taking whatever they liked from the community, back to their own. When Carol had made it clear they weren’t going to take the men anywhere, the group had become threatening, advancing on them.

Luckily Carol had hidden an automatic in her coat sleeve before she’d gotten out of the car to talk to the group, and she’d finally opened fire and killed most of the men. One man had made a run for it when he realized his group was being decimated. They had chased him, thinking they could find out where he’d come from, but they hadn’t realized one of the men they’d left for dead at the scene was alive. He’d come after them, cornering Carol when she had been separated from Morgan, and shot her in the arm. He would have killed her, but Morgan saved the day, putting several bullets in the man’s head.

Since they were far from home, Morgan had been relieved when a handful of people from a community called the Kingdom had come along and taken the wounded woman and her friend back to their community. They had a competent doctor, who’d removed the bullet from her arm and stitched her up. While she and Morgan were both excited to find the new and seemingly friendly group, as soon as Carol had been lucid after her surgery, she’d insisted he take her back to Alexandria so they could warn Rick about the aggressive group. The men had known where their community was located, and she was worried the one man who’d escaped would bring a larger group of people to threaten their home.

Since the pair never did make it to the pharmacy, a few days later Denise had pleaded with Daryl, worried Gigi’s life was in danger, and asked him and Rosita to go on her first run with her to a small apothecary she’d passed on her path to Alexandria. It was far from Annandale, so they’d assumed they’d be less likely to run into anyone from the group who’d confronted Morgan and Carol.

Unfortunately they’d been wrong. Due to a roadblock created by a downed tree, which had prevented them from getting to the apothecary by car, the threesome had set off on foot. They walked along a set of train tracks, and through a neighboring community to get to the combination drug store and boutique. Denise had been thrilled to find exactly what she needed for her patient on one of the shelves.

They’d been following the same route along the tracks to where they’d been forced to abandon the car, meds in their bags, when they had been surrounded by a group of cocky men who’d seized their weapons and insisted the threesome tell them where they were from. At first they didn’t seem to be looking for trouble, just looking for information, but when the Alexandrians refused to reveal the location of their community, however; one of the group’s members, a man with a scarred face had become irritated. He’d threatened to take them all back to his leader so they could be “properly questioned”.  

Daryl had been shot in the leg with a bolt, by the same man when he and Rosita had tried to cover Denise and get themselves into the woods in an attempt to get away. Daryl had thrown Rosita his bag of meds, ordering the women to go without him, and he’d hobbled away from them, making sure he was seen by the bad guys once the women were far enough away, essentially acting as decoy. The two women had watched, from a hiding place behind some trees, as the men led a limping Daryl through the woods on the other side of the train tracks, and out of sight. They’d hurried back to their vehicle and sped towards Alexandria to report to Rick.

“During both confrontations the aggressors referred to themselves as Negan,” Rick told Gigi, perplexed. “I assume it’s some kind of take on the name of their community.” He was filling in the former Special Ops officer because she’d relayed, through Stevie, she wanted to talk to him about what had happened.

“Negan is the name of their leader. They were letting our people know they were acting on his behalf,” Gigi informed him. Since moving into Alexandria, she hadn’t spoken much about the place she’d come from, or how they operated, telling the few people who asked, her last home was so far away it would be almost impossible for the two groups to interact on any level. She’d never talked about Negan to anyone other than her children, as there was no reason, mentioning him by one of his nicknames when Daryl had offered to deliver her letters.

“You know these people?” Rick demanded, surprised.

“I do, and Rick, if they show up at the gate, I need to talk to one of them. If a man with a leather jacket and a barbed wire covered baseball bat is with them, he’s the one I need to speak to. He’s Negan.”

“But how do you know he won’t attack us before I get the chance to tell him you want to talk to him?”

“It’s not his style. He’ll want to talk before he acts. He’ll want to talk, a _lot_ ,” she smirked,  “and from what I know, he’ll insist you listen to every word before he acts out. Whether it’s him or one of the other Saviors who come to the gate, you need to approach him immediately, and tell him “Gigi’s here, and she wants to talk to you.”

“What would happen if you weren’t here to talk to him?”

“You don’t want to find out, Rick. Please? Can you just do what I’m asking? He can be violent if he’s been provoked. You don’t want to find out the hard way, what happens when he gets pissed off, and he already is, I can assure you. I need you to trust me about this. I am sure, the minute he hears my name, he’ll agree to talk to me. I’m banking on it.”

“I’ll trust you on this, Gigi,” Rick assured her.

“You should. Now let’s talk about what you need to do to get ready for the Savior’s visit, what your people on watch should do when they show up at the gate.”

“You sound pretty sure they’re going to show up.”

“Carol and Morgan killed seven of their men. Assuming the man who ran away from the scene got back to the boss man and told him who was responsible, it’s only a matter of time. Negan won’t let the deaths go unpunished.”

__________

“They have Daryl, Mom!” Elena complained when her mother tried to talk to her about what would likely happen when the Saviors arrived. “ _Who_ does that? They sound like the assholes who took you!”

“Elena, language!” her mother scolded.

“Sorry Mom, but they have Daryl!”

“They do, but we’ll get him back.” Gigi reassured her. “Negan puts on a good show, but like I’ve told you before, he can be a big softie. Even if we’re not together anymore, I’m sure he’ll still do me a favor. We just need to be sure to let him know I’m here, and quickly. If someone mouths off to him before he talks to me, there’ll be trouble.”

Gigi hoped she was right, and Negan would be willing to do her a favor. She was counting on it, but she'd also been counting on him coming to find her, at one point in time, and she'd been wrong. She was sure, though, getting Negan or whoever he sent to Alexandria to talk to her before any action was taken, was key.

___________

_She’s here. She’s fucking here? Holy fuck!_

Negan knew who the teenager was before she even opened her mouth. She marched right up to him at Alexandria’s gate, pushing her way past the beefy redhead and the geek with the mullet to inform him, “My mom wants to talk to you.”

He and his four teams had pulled up in four trucks. He ordered his men to stay close to the vehicles while he approached the gate, knocking on the metal with Lucille. “Little pig, little pig! Let. Me. In!”

Some cocky fucking asshole had pulled back the privacy screen asking him who he was, to which Negan replied it didn’t make a fucking difference who the fuck he was, but if he knew what was good for him, he’d open the fucking gate. An African American woman had kept her AR 13 trained on him from above as the asshole let him in, and he’d had no doubt she could fucking take him out before he had a chance to draw his Glock. He made sure to give her a wink and a grin through her scope as he moved inside the gate. She was the only one who’d pointed a weapon at him, which was a good fucking thing, but he was surprised the people weren't more worked up about several dozen armed men showing up on their doorstep.

“What if I don’t want to talk to her?” Negan eyeballed the girl who was young mini Gigi, but with longer, straight hair. She looked a few inches shorter, if it was possible.

She moved closer, speaking lowly so only he could hear her. “Seriously? Don’t even pretend your not interested in talking to her,” she goaded him, turning to walk away, motioning for him to follow her.  

Rick approached the gate, having finally made his way to the front of the community from the other end, only to find Elena and the infamous Negan walking towards the back of the community. “Excuse me!” he called out in the friendliest voice he could manage. “Would you mind leaving your bat and your gun here at the gate?”

Negan kept walking, not looking back at the community’s leader before he called out, “Yes, I most definitely fucking would.”

__________

Elena led him to the far end of the street. When they rounded the corner and were out of everyone’s view, she stopped and turned to him. Walking right up to him again, she pushed herself all the fuck up into his space with her hands on her hips, just like her mother used to do when she was pissed at him.  “You know, I used to think you sounded pretty cool from the way my mom talked about you, and the way you helped her and all, but since you’ve taken Daryl, I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ve decided you’re an asshole.”

“Jesus, you really are your mother’s girl, aren’t you?” Negan chuckled in retort. “You know, maybe I think your people are assholes for killing seven of my men.” His tone was calm as he countered, looking down his nose at the tiny teenager, not wanting her to think he cared a fucking bit about what she thought of him. Even though he maybe, sort of, fucking did.

“Fair point,” she countered, scrutinizing him. “But it’s kind of pathetic our two people could take out seven of your men, all by themselves. I think you need my mom to train your people how to fight.”

The glint in the girl’s eye as she sparred with him was also just like her mom’s. “Touché,” he conceded. “Your mom could kick some serious ass.”

“She still can.” Elena glared at him for a moment for insinuating her mother's kickass skills were a thing of the past. She took another half step towards him before she demanded, “You need to give Daryl back.”

“Not happening,” he smirked at her, just to get her riled up. He couldn’t help himself.

“We’ll see,” was her cocky comeback as she stopped in front of an immaculate townhouse, glaring at him again as she gestured to the door in front of them. “She’s up on the third floor, the door straight ahead. You’ll have to go up to her. She can’t go up and down three flights of stairs yet.”

Negan cocked his head at her, squinting, wondering why Gigi couldn’t walk down the steps. _Fuck her._ He wasn’t going to act like he cared enough to ask. He couldn’t help but find it odd he was paying a visit to Gigi in her upscale new home, in this walled in community, as if there wasn’t a world outside which had gone to shit. He nodded at the teenager once before he walked up the three steps and opened the front door.

“Hey!” he heard Elena’s call, so he turned to look at her once more. “Thanks for helping her. You know, when you found her, and when the asshole attacked her again.”

“No problem, kid,” he nodded at the girl before turning to go into the house. He couldn't help but wonder how much Gigi had told her kids about the time she spent with Bobby and his clan.

As he made his way up the three flights of stairs to the top floor, he couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck was going to happen when he got there. She wanted to talk to him. He was amazed he’d stumbled on Gigi after all this time. His sense of relief over her and the kids being alive and safe was intense, but he was still trying to figure out whether it was a good or bad thing Elena had the balls to step up to him at the gate, or not. Maybe he should just head back down the stairs, take half of her sorry ass community’s shit and go the hell home.

At the top of the stairs he spied the door straight ahead, which Elena had mentioned. To the left was a seating area with two oversized, comfortable looking reading chairs which shared an ottoman, and a small accent table in between. Opposite these, behind him, were french doors leading out to a rooftop deck. Must be nice. For some strange fucking reason he was glad she and the kids had a nice place to live. He didn’t know why he gave a shit where the woman who had fucked him over, lived.

The sound of her voice, from behind the door ahead, startled him out of his thoughts. “No, I’m not going to crawl in bed with you. Don’t you dare look at me that way!”

He heard her beautiful laughter, then a man’s voice cooing at her, “Aww, come on, please?”

“Nope. Not doing it!” was Gigi’s quiet reply, and then the conversation stopped.

Negan’s chest got tight at both the sound of her voice, and also the implication of her words. _God, I’ve fucking missed her._ Her voice sounded light and happy. He didn’t know why he was surprised, but he was, and it pissed him off more than a little bit. She’d moved the fuck on. She’d moved the fuck on and was shacked up with someone new. He didn’t know why he gave a shit, but he did. _Fuck her._

He was looking back at the steps behind him, and then back at her bedroom door, trying to decide whether to just turn around and go, when the door opened and Gigi stepped out. She was unaware of him at first, looking back into the room and smiling before she closed the door, pulling it by the knob and making sure it clicked.

When she finally looked up and saw him, she gasped lightly, one hand moving to her throat as she took him in from head to toe. He stared back at her, not quite sure what the fuck he should do, when she broke out into a glittery, beautiful fucking smile which instantly made the tight feeling he didn’t have in his chest, disappear.  “Negan! I knew you'd be coming, but I wasn’t quite ready for you today. Obviously,” she greeted him as she looked down at herself, frowning at what she saw, running a hand through her messy hair to push it out of her face.

She really was a fucking wreck. A beautiful fucking wreck, dressed in an ugly pink bathrobe, its belt untied and hanging loose at her sides. His eyes immediately went to what she was wearing beneath it, and he tried not to smile as he found his own boxers and wife beater peeking out at him through the opening in the front of the garment. She pulled her robe closed as she took herself in, tying the belt to cover his underwear, then attempted again to tame her wild hair by running her fingers through it.

He wondered what Mister New Fuck thought about his girlfriend wearing the boss man’s underwear in their bed. _Fuck him. She’s a fucking wreck, but she was my fucking wreck first, and I can prove it because she’s still wearing my goddamn boxers! Bet the fuckwad can’t make her come twice._

He frowned at the state of her. She looked tired, and a bit sickly, and he wondered what was making her so sick she couldn’t go up and down the steps. Mister New Fuck obviously didn’t know how to fucking take care of her. She took a few steps towards the seating area, and he immediately noticed how she was walking like a little old lady, frowning as she moved, as if moving was an uncomfortable ordeal. When she hissed as if she was in pain, he couldn’t help himself when he let Lucille fall to the carpet and rushed to her, holding her arm firmly with his hands, insisting, “Let me help you.”

All the feelings Gigi had pushed aside over the last few months came rushing back to the surface when she felt him so close to her, and smelled his scent. She took in the worry he was trying to cover with his ‘serious face’ while he settled her in the closest chair, wishing she could kiss it right off his face.

“What the fuck is wrong, Gigi?” Negan worried, forgetting his anger as he got her situated, moving a throw pillow behind her back.

She watched as he suddenly realized their close proximity, and he stood up from his position leaning over her, taking a step back to scrutinize her. In the blink of an eye, a look of indifference took over his expression and she frowned at the sudden change. He was struggling with something, but she didn’t dare ask what. They weren’t in that place anymore. The feeling of sadness associated with the realization overwhelmed her. She’d just had two wonderful minutes in which the man she loved stood in front of her, looking at her just as he had during their relationship, with a little bit of wonder and a little bit dumbstruck as he’d taken her in. It was the same way he’d looked at her when he’d opened up her cell and found her standing there in her underwear, and the same way he looked as she’d sung to him their first night together. It seemed so long ago.

She didn’t smell the same, and he didn’t fucking like it. She smelled like some kind of apple fruity shit, not her usual tropical fruity shit. He could still smell her real scent, though, as he helped her sit down in the chair. He could fucking pick her out in a room full of women, blindfolded, because he knew the real scent of her skin, underneath her soap. The scent which was all the fuck over her first thing in the morning before she took a shower. The scent he liked best when it was mixed with his own, on her skin, after he’d fucked her. _Maybe Mister New Fuck likes apples._ The thought reminded him there was someone waiting for her in the next room.

“I’m recovering from a surgery three weeks ago. It was a little rough, since we don't have all the proper equipment,” she explained to him, even though he’d closed himself off. For some ridiculous reason she felt the need to justify why she was such a mess.

He let a small hint of worry slip through his disinterested facade as he questioned her, “Everything okay now? You need me to send Carson to check you out? Since you look like hell, I can only assume the doctor here sucks.” _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ He knew she’d be hurt before it even showed in her eyes. “Sorry, Gigi, I didn’t mean that the way …”

She shook her head to stop him, suddenly all business, clasping her hands in her lap. The softness in her voice disappeared as she thanked him in a solemn tone, “I appreciate you coming to talk to me. I don’t want to waste your time, so I’ll get right to the point. I need to ask the Saviors to leave us alone. I need to ask you not to hurt anyone here, and ask you not to take half of our goods, because we don’t have enough to share right now.”

“And why should I do your people any favors? They fucking killed seven of my men, Gigi,” Negan replied calmly, his furrowed brow and his flared nostrils telling her he was miffed.

“Yes, they did kill seven of your men, because they were under threat of attack. They felt the threat was real enough they needed to strike first to get the upper hand, or they’d be so outnumbered there’d be no chance of survival.”

“Under threat of attack? That’s not the story I heard. I heard your people were the aggressors.”

“I can assure you that’s not true.”

“You can _assure_ me?” Negan mocked her, pacing back in and forth in front of her.

“Were they people I knew, the ones who died?” Gigi questioned quietly. She'd been wondering since she'd heard about the confrontation.

“Yeah, Gigi, they were,” he threw at her, “Oscar and Roger. The janitor guy, what’s his name, got promoted and Gil had picked him for his new team. The guy went on one fucking run and your people killed him.

“And Gil?” the pain in her eyes over the men’s deaths was evident.  

“He got away. He made his way back to the factory to tell me about the slaughter, Gigi,” he informed her accusingly.

 _Thank God, Gil got away._ She was relieved one of the people she cared about had been spared. But poor little Nicky, losing his daddy! Her emotions over the incident were complicated. She believed Carol and Morgan did exactly what they needed to do, but it didn’t make the death of her friends any easier.

Gigi shook her head, regrouping when she realized she would get nowhere with him on this point, unless she could offer solid evidence his people had initiated the aggression. She looked at him, giving him a sad smile, and patted the ottoman which sat just a few inches to the left of her knee. “Please, sit with me?”

Negan frowned, hesitating for several seconds before he finally nodded at her and sat down, pushing with his feet on the floor to back the footrest further away from her. Gigi lamented the difference between this act, and the first time he’d come into her room in the infirmary at the Sanctuary, planting himself in a chair in her space to intimidate her. He was making a statement, whether he was aware of it or not, letting her know he wasn’t comfortable with her anymore, which saddened her. She looked him in the eye, and gently scooched herself forward to sit on the front edge of the seat cushion so she was back in his space, because she needed him to feel his connection to her, whatever was left of it. Maybe if he could feel the connection, he’d cut her and her new people some slack. She was going to tell him the truth, and hope he cared enough to agree to what she would ask of him.

“I know you don’t owe me anything, Negan, but I need to ask you a favor.” He cocked his chin up at her, looking down his nose at her with a furrowed brow, but she ignored it and continued. “This community has been struggling. It started before I arrived. It’s been one thing after another from being attacked by the same group of crazies who almost killed Stevie, to being overrun by a herd of walkers. Dozens of people were killed during both invasions, and the residents were trapped inside the walls for a period of time. They went through all of their provisions. We’ve been trying to build our stores back up  over the last few months, but apparently it’s slim pickings out there. Right now, we barely have enough to feed everyone, so if you take your standard half, we’ll starve in a short period of time.”

Gigi looked down at her hands, sliding her husband’s ring on and off her thumb as she thought about how to proceed. She hoped she was playing her ace when she pleaded, “I know you’ve moved on, Negan. It took a long time, but I finally had to admit to myself you didn’t care for me in the way I thought you did. But if you ever cared anything for me at all, I need you to leave us be. We need every person we have here to get this place back on its feet. The children and I care about these people. We don’t want to lose anyone else, and we need every scrap of food so we don’t starve …”

She was looking up at him with her big fucking doe eyes, pleading with him like he was a madman and she was afraid he would just stomp on her and her people, then leave them to starve. He didn’t fucking get it. Did she really think he would do that to her? She may have fucked him over, but he wasn’t so petty he’d leave her and her family to starve. _What the fuck?_

“If I ever cared about you?” he looked at her incredulously, his voice calm as he cut across her, “ _I didn’t fucking care for you the way you thought I did?_ ” He repeated cocking his head at her, squinting in his way. “You were the one who left, Gigi. What the f… what are you talking about, _‘if you cared anything for me at all’?_ You say that like you were the one who was wronged.”

His voice started to rise as he went on, as he felt the need to remind her of exactly what happened, because it seemed her fucking take on the event was much different than his. “ _You_ were the one who left! You were the one who didn’t give a shit, and just up and left.” Negan was surprised at how calm he was coming across, considering he was working his way from angry to fucking furious. He watched as her eyes skirted to the bedroom door next to them, worried his loud voice would bother Mister New Fuck. His anger kicked up a few notches at the idea.

Her eyes came back to him, and she stared at him for a moment before she responded, confused, “But you made the choice to end things, Negan. You chose not to come to me. _You_ ended our relationship.”

“Come to you?” His tone turned to dramatically indignant as he contended, “That’s rich! How would I do that, Gigi, when I had no fucking clue where you were? You crawled all the fuck over me in the closet, telling me never to forget how much you loved me, and then you royally fucked me over by walking out and not looking back! I had no idea where you went, so how would I _come to you_?” He hoped to fuck the asshole in her bed heard every word he said. He didn’t know what kind of fucking game she was playing, but he wasn’t fucking having it.

He got up and walked away from her, finally picking up Lucille from the floor and moving to the other side of the room where he stood and looked out the French doors onto the deck. He looked the bat over, as if he was worried it had been hurt in it’s two foot drop to the soft carpet, and once he was sure she was unharmed, he leaned her against one of the doors.

Gigi took his actions in as she tried to piece together what he said to her. “I don’t understand.” She put her hand to her forehead, shaking it as she tried to remind him, “I told you, in the letter, exactly how you’d be able to find me. I told you in the letter, and then I left you directions at the tree!”

His head snapped around to her before his body followed, the aggression in his demeanor suddenly disappearing. “Letter?” he asked her quietly. “What letter, Gigi?”

She felt her heart skip a beat as she realized he had no idea what she was talking about. She was sickened at the thought. Could it be he hadn’t come to her because he didn’t know she’d asked him? She quietly explained, watching closely for his response, “In my orange work notebook, Negan. I wrote you a long letter in the notebook and left it open on the coffee table for you.”

Negan’s thoughts raced, and images of the night she’d left played in his head like a slide show, one picture after the other, until it finally stopped at his view of the coffee table from his position across the room. The coffee table, with the open notebook and her pen laying on it, which he proceeded to beat with Lucille in his rage. He could see it, plain as day in his mind, as he picked up the slightly mangled notebook the next day and shook the glass shards out of it before he tucked it in the book shelf. He hadn’t touched it since. _Holy. Fucking. Fuck._

Gigi watched his eyes wander around the room, not seeing it or her, as he went deep into his head searching for something. She sat quietly and waited for him to find what he was looking for. After a minute his eyes focused again, and he brought them around to her, asking quietly, “What did the letter say?” He looked almost boyish as his eyes pleaded with her to tell him something which would make their whole big mess, all better.

She gave him a small smile while her heart broke in pieces at the confirmation he hadn’t read what she'd written. He didn’t know why she’d left. He didn’t know what she’d asked of him, or that she’d asked him to come to her. They’d made love in the cell, and then he’d made his way back to the apartment to find her things gone. To find her gone. If he didn’t find the letter, he had no idea why she’d suddenly left him. The thought of how it must have felt for him in the moment made her heart ache.

“I wrote a love letter to my boss man,” she revealed, wanting to tell him what he needed to hear. “I poured my heart out to you. I told you how much I love you, and desperately need you,” she recalled, unaware she was using the present tense to describe her feelings for him. “I told you how I couldn’t imagine living a life without you. I told you how you are the love of my life, and it would shatter me if I couldn’t spend the rest of my days telling you the rest of the eight billion reasons why I love you…”

“I was the love of your life?” he looked at her as if he couldn’t fathom the thought, a look of surprise washing over his face as he spoke.

“You _are,_ ” she confirmed, nodding her head with a smile full of sadness.

 _If only he’d found the letter. Would things be different now?_ Would they have been living a life together at the factory for the last several months? “If you still have the notebook, can I ask you to read the letter, Negan? I know you’ve moved forward without me, and what I wrote in the letter doesn’t make a difference now, but I need you to know I didn’t just leave you. I’d like you to know all the things I wrote to you.”

He nodded at her solemnly, so she continued, “I did ask you to consider how we could settle the differences we’d fought about, so the whole letter wasn’t sunshine and roses, but if you read it, you’ll know how I truly feel about you, and I want you to know, because our time together was so precious to me.”

Gigi shook her head as a tear finally rolled down her cheek at the realization her bright idea to leave him a letter, instead of staying to talk things out with him, had put an end to any chance they’d be able to move forward together.

 _How I truly feel about you … You are the love of my life … She keeps using the fucking present tense._ He was still standing across the room, looking at her pensively. It was over a minute before he finally moved to her, pulling the ottoman one foot in front of her before he sat down on it, caging her legs in between his spread knees. He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, since he hadn’t even processed everything she’d thrown at him. He just knew he needed to be near her. He needed to fucking touch her again after what she’d just confessed. He needed to touch her again after being separated for the last five and a half months. It was as if her words were inviting him. He entwined his fingers with hers on her lap, rubbing the sides of her hands with his thumbs. He spent precisely two and a half seconds thinking about the fact Mister New Fuck was in the next room before he focused on his girl again. _Mine._

_MINE._

“You think it won’t make a difference to me if you tell me I’m the fucking love of your life? You think it wouldn’t make a difference if you told me you would be shattered if you couldn’t be with me? Jesus, Gigi, do you know me at all?”  

“I was sure I did when I lived with you at the factory,” she responded, her voice full of emotion. “I was sure I knew you better than anyone ever had. For the first few weeks I was here, while I waited for you, I knew you’d show up the minute you read my letter and found my directions at the tree, but then you never came. I waited, and I wrote you more letters, and you never came. It made me doubt everything I thought I knew about you.” Gigi looked down at her lap, smiling at how they were unconsciously driven to caress each other’s hands.

“Because I didn’t know, Gigi,” he explained softly. “It fucking kills me you were here waiting and I didn’t know.” He was quiet for several seconds, running the pad of his index finger along the inside of her wrist, not knowing why he was compelled to do it, then he remembered Slug had done it to him and it was soothing. “You always did know me best, new girl. It was like you knew what I was thinking. You could see inside me. You were right. I would have come to find you. I’ve been so fucking mad at you for leaving me without an explanation, but it was there all the time.”

 _All that fucking time wasted._ He could see her trying to control her emotions as he spoke. She simply nodded at his admission, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. Negan’s head was spinning with all the things he was trying to piece together. _But what about the dick in the next room?_ He hoped to fuck the asshole came out right now to hear his girl’s confessions, and to see them sitting nose to fucking nose. _Just let the fucker give me a hard time, because I’ll throw his fucking ass over the goddamn balcony._

“I’m so sorry, Negan,” she apologized. “I was so excited to find out where the kids were living, and I couldn't wait to come to them. You and I had so many things to work out … I thought writing you a letter was a good idea. I thought it would give you the time to sort things through, and make decisions about how we could work things out, while I spent time with Stevie and Elena and played catch up. Then you could come to me with answers about how we could settle things and move forward.

“I was so desperate to leave right away, to get to the children as soon as possible, I didn’t even think about the possibility you might not find the letter.” She looked at him, fresh tears streaming down her face.  “I’m so sorry, boss man.”

His mind worked in overdrive, trying to process her confession. She was making it sound like she still wanted to be with him. “What do you want Gigi? Tell me what you want,” he insisted. She might fucking kick him in the nuts again by telling him it was too late for them to work things out, but at least it would settle things. But the fucking pussy-whipped man he was hoped to fuck he was reading her signals correctly, and there was still a chance.

He fucking loved there wasn’t even a millisecond of hesitation before she responded, “I want us, Negan.” Her glitter and gold dust rained all the fuck down on him, her eyes lighting up as she declared, “I want you.” She reached her hand up to cup the side of his face, running her thumb back and forth at the corner of his mouth.

 _Would it even be possible now?_ He would have every right to laugh in her face. Gigi’s heart melted into a big mushy puddle when her boss man pushed his head into her hand, turning to nuzzle her palm with his nose and lips, giving it a soft kiss. “But,” she started hesitantly. His head snapped up to look her in the eye, startling her.

_There’s a ‘but’? FUCK!_

“No buts, Gigi, please?” he pleaded with her, before he could stop himself. _I am such a big, fat, fucking pussy! Okay, I’ll be her pussy. She can paint a big fucking scarlet “P” on my forehead for everybody to see. She just needs to come the fuck back to me._

“We’d need to talk about using violence before it's warranted. About killing people to start off the Saviors new relationships with other communities.” She pulled her hand away from him, putting it back on her lap, steeling herself to talk about the one thing she was afraid would keep them apart, the one thing she’d couldn’t live with. She knew it was huge, and she knew his response could be a deal breaker.

He could see her suddenly pull back from him, physically and emotionally before she laid out her ultimatum. Normally he would balk at anyone giving him a fucking ultimatum, but this was his girl. His smart as fuck, beautiful, badass, glittery girl, and he didn't want to fucking live without her for one more fucking minute. She brought her eyes back to him, ready to speak again, but he held up his hand to silence her as she always did with him when she was feeling sassy. It made her smile. “It’s already settled, Gigi. Slug made me an offer I couldn’t refuse,” he informed her.

She looked utterly confused, furrowing her brow as she repeated, “Slug?”

“Yeah, Slug. Your buddy sat me down and told me if I ever wanted you to come back, I’d better get my shit together and make the factory a place you’d want to live. He and Liz asked me to consider letting your team be the meet and greet committee for the Saviors. They came up with plans, based on the ideas you’d discussed with them before you left, for ‘fostering friendly relationships’ with other communities,” he rolled his eyes dramatically, in jest, as he emphasized the term. “They offered to be the liaisons between the Sanctuary and the other groups. If their pussified ideas didn’t work, and things got hairy, they’d put themselves in the line of fire to straighten things out. Like I said, it was an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

“Pussified ideas?” Gigi challenged him with a grin. “Are those their words or yours?” She felt like she was vibrating from head to toe with excitement. Her boss man was telling her he made big changes to the way he did things, and he did it because he was hoping she’d come back.

“Slug’s words, all the way,” he joked, causing her to laugh. “Come back to me, new girl,” he was suddenly serious. “I need you in my fucking space again.” He leaned forward, putting his hand around the back of his girl’s neck, pressing his lips to her forehead.

She nodded at him excitedly, overjoyed at the prospect, teasing, “I will, boss man, because I need you in my fucking space, too, and because I’m really tired of writing you five page letters.”

He looked at her thoughtfully as he recalled something she’d said a few minutes before. “You wrote me more letters after you left the factory, while you waited for me? Where are they?”

She nodded, wiping the tears from her cheek. “I left them at the tree. All of them. There are probably a dozen. The last one was put there a week ago. I stopped writing when I realized you weren’t coming for me, but I just couldn’t give up on the idea you’d come back to me at some point, so I wrote one more,” she admitted. “Daryl delivered it for me, since I was in bed recuperating.”

“Daryl?” _Ahhh, shit. The same Daryl who Elena wants back._

“Yes.” Gigi put her hand on his knee, “Daryl and Aaron were the two men who saved Stevie and Elena from the W people in the woods. Daryl has been delivering my letters I wrote to you, to the tree, because about two months after I got here, I started having blood pressure spikes and I couldn’t deliver them myself. The day Dwight captured Daryl, he was on a run to an apothecary to find some blood pressure medication for me.”

“Ahh, fuck! Did Dwight keep him from finding it? Shit!”

Gigi could see the regret in Negan’s eyes as he realized Dwight’s decision to take Daryl prisoner may have caused her problems, so she reassured him by adding, “Daryl made sure he gave Rosita his bag before he was captured, and she and Doctor Denise made it back here in time to help me.” She surrounded his hands with both of hers, holding them tightly, almost afraid to ask, “Please tell me Daryl’s okay? We need him back, Negan. He’s very important to our family. He’s very important to Elena, and he’s done so much for me I’ll never be able to thank him properly.”

“He’s fine. We busted his balls, and he’s got a few bumps and bruises, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.” He was quiet for a minute before he told her, “Elena asked me to give him back when she was walking me here.”

Gigi breathed a sigh of relief as she informed him, “It’s because he means the world to her, Negan.”  She looked at him for a long moment before she decided to toy with him to see how he’d respond. With a twinkle in her eye she hinted, “And our daughter most likely wouldn’t have survived without him.”

He stared at her, utter confusion on his face as he tried to comprehend what she was saying, wondering if she was now including him as part of her family. “Elena was in some kind of danger? What happened?”

Gigi, smiled at her boss man, loving how he couldn’t hear what she was telling him. This was going to be fun. “Elena’s fine, Negan,” she informed him, then ordered, “Help me up.”

Negan was confused at her sudden change of gears, but he pushed the ottoman back and stood up, gently pulling on the hands she offered him to help her stand. Holding one of his hands in hers for support, she shuffled the six feet to the bedroom door, looking back at him.

“What the fuck, Gigi? I don’t want to meet the asshole!” he’d forgotten all about the man in her bed as they talked, and the thought of seeing him lying there enraged Negan, even if his girl had just told him she wanted her boss man, more.

“What asshole?” Gigi looked at him perplexed, shaking her head in confusion.

“The one I heard you talking to before you came out the door,” he couldn’t hide his anger at the recollection. “The one who asked you to fucking crawl back into bed with him!” He may have won the battle for his girl, but he didn't want to fucking shake hands with the guy.

Gigi’s eyes went wide, and she laughed out loud as she realized what he’d heard. “No! Negan! That was Stevie!”

The leader looked at her incredulously before he shifted to a look of confusion, because nothing was making any fucking sense.

She laughed even harder at his confused expression before she calmed herself enough to say, “Come with me? Trust me, boss man. It will all make sense in a minute.” She opened the bedroom door, putting up a finger to ask him to wait at the opening while she moved into the room.

He was surprised at the picture in front of him. A young man he recognized as Stevie was lying on the bed on his back with headphones in his ears, sound asleep. There was a tiny baby, its body wrapped up like a burrito with a hat on it’s head, laying on its side on the young man’s chest, asleep. It had a pacifier in its mouth which it was sucking on furiously, even in its slumber. Two of Stevie’s fingers were holding it in place in the baby’s mouth, despite his relaxed state. His other hand was holding the baby to his chest. Gigi shuffled her way over to the sleeping pair, gently running her fingers over her son’s cheek so as not to startle him.

The big boss watched, his thoughts racing, as the boy opened his eyes and smiled at his mother. As his mother picked up the baby from his chest, Stevie noticed the man by the bedroom door, his eyes lighting up as he gave small wave and rolled to sit up, a bit of colorful glitter swirling lazily around him the minute his lips curved upwards in recognition. He’d barely moved, but Negan could see he shined like his mom, even though he was the spitting image of his father from Gigi’s photo. He pulled his headphones out of his ears, dropping them on top of an old iPod laying on the bed, then ran his fingers through his hair in an exact imitation of his mother’s earlier gesture.

“Hi! Negan!” Stevie shook his sleep off quickly and moved to the tall man in the leather jacket, reaching out to shake his hand. “It’s really nice to meet you! My mom has told me so much about you.” You would think they were meeting at a luncheon, and not in the middle of the apocalypse, his demeanor friendly and inviting.

Negan made sure to give Gigi’s son a firm handshake and a smile, covering the chaos he was feeling.  “It’s really great to meet you, too, Stevie, both you and Elena.” He was trying his best to ignore the baby in Gigi’s arms, not wanting to acknowledge it while the boy was still in the room. Because he couldn’t. His throat got more than a little fucking tight as he tried to push the torrent of emotions which were rising, down and away from the surface.

“Really?” Stevie challenged him with a smile, “Elena was nice to you?”

“I didn’t say _that,”_ Negan countered, making all three of them laugh.

“I’m going to go scrounge up something to eat; you guys need anything?” When both adults shook their head no and thanked him, Stevie raised two fingers in a wave goodbye as he walked to the door. “You know, Negan, it really is good to meet you,” he confessed with a smile, slapping the man’s arm gently as he passed. “Hopefully we’ll get to talk more later?” Negan could only nod in return. He turned to watch Stevie go, putting his hand on the door frame, keeping his back to his girl, staying there long after Stevie was gone.

“Stevie was talking for the baby when you heard him earlier,” his girl explained behind him. “He was teasing me because she kept me up all night, and I’m exhausted.”

Gigi watched as his head dropped forward, and she felt his agitation, and anger and upset from across the room. She’d seen this anger before, after Bobby had attacked her. It wasn’t aimed at her, but stemmed from his feeling of helplessness. She smiled to herself, softly reassuring him in the quiet room. “It’s okay, boss man. Really. We’re okay.” She knew he was struggling with too many ‘why didn’t I’s’ and ‘what ifs’ and with guilt. She knew it because she knew him. She’d always known him. It had never changed, even though she’d doubted everything when he hadn’t come to her.

 _She always knows just the right fucking thing to say, my girl_.

His shoulders relaxed first before he turned to her, searching her eyes for answers as she started to explain. “It turned out the nausea and the headaches I was having after Bobby attacked me weren't only caused by the concussion and broken cheekbone. I was having morning sickness and probably some high blood pressure.

“I never visited Doctor Carson while I was in the throes of a headache, which was my sign of a blood pressure spike, so he wouldn’t have caught it.” She held the baby to her chest with one hand as she rubbed soothing circles on its back with the other. “Doctor Denise figured it out, right after I got here. I had an early onset of preeclampsia, probably due to my age. I ended up on bed rest since we didn’t have any medication to lower the blood pressure,” she felt the need to explain. “So, even though I thought about going back to the factory to settle things with you, and tell you I was pregnant, I couldn’t make the four hour trip, and I couldn’t ask anyone else to risk themselves to bring you a message.”

He continued to stand at the doorway, staring at her as he nodded minutely at her. “But you’re okay now? The baby’s okay?” His voice was softer than she’d ever heard from her loud and brash man.

“I've been fine since a few days after I delivered. I had to have a C-section, because she was breech, but it went well, considering the circumstances.  She’s absolutely perfect, Negan, despite everything we went through. Come see her. She looks just like you.” Gigi held her hand out, wiggling her fingers in a plea for him to move closer, to meet his daughter. He made his way over to her, holding her gaze. When he finally reached her she revealed, “I named her Katie Scarlett. Because she’s a fighter, and her daddy told me once he’d like to have a fighter like Scarlett on his team.” Grinning up at him, she shifted the baby to hold her low in the crook of one arm, face up so her daddy could see her, moving her knitted hat back off her forehead.

“Katie Scarlett O’Hara? Like _Gone With The Wind_?” He looked at her thoughtfully, the corners of his mouth quirking up, before he finally got up the nerve to look at his baby.

“Well, she’d have your surname,” Gigi chuckled, “but yes, like the book you read to me.”

Her boss man unknowingly sucked in his breath in a reverse “Oh!” when he laid his eyes on his daughter for the first time, immediately reaching to take her from her mother. Gigi watched him look over his baby, his face full of wonder and emotion.

She could hear the emotion in his voice as he softly marveled, “She’s fucking amazing, Gigi. She’s goddamn perfect!” He held her tiny form in both hands in front of him while he looked down at her, his long fingers wrapping around her protectively.

He was looking at a tiny version of himself, but with full lips like her mother. His nose, the shape of his face, but her lips. Luckily she had Gigi’s tiny ears. It was almost a mini him, he delighted, grinning from ear to fucking ear.

“She _is_ amazing, boss man. She shouldn’t even be here, if the odds would have had their way,” his girl marveled. He looked up at her, alarmed, so she went on. “The chances of getting pregnant at my age are less than five percent, Negan, and it still happened even though my cycles had disappeared. The preeclampsia could have killed us both, my blood pressure got so high. We were in the danger zone for a few weeks before I delivered, but luckily Rosita and Denise came back from the apothecary with enough blood pressure medication to get us through. She was born at thirty five weeks, which could have led to problems, but luckily her little lungs were fully developed and her heartbeat was strong and steady. I throw out a word of thanks to the universe every day, boss man, because she’s a little miracle!”

He loved the way his girl was fucking gushing over their baby. “Of course, my baby girl is a fucking miracle!” he responded haughtily, admiring the teeny bit of fucking perfection. As if she heard him, the tiny girl opened her eyes, looking right up at him before she yawned and squirmed in his hands. “Fucking perfect!” he moved into Gigi, pressing himself into her, the baby cradled between them. “Like her mother.” He held Katie in one arm, and moving the fingers of his other into his first girl’s hair, he gently fisted it and pulled her head back, as he'd done many times before. He grazed his lips over hers while he breathed her in for a moment, then finally kissed her softly, melting at the sound of one of her awesome fucking little whimpers. Relief coursed through him, his whole fucking world suddenly righted again, with a simple touch of her lips. _Fucking pussy ass. But I don't give a shit. It's all fucking good. Because, fucking mine._

He studied his tiny girl, and then her mommy before he quietly avowed, “Thank you, new girl.”

Gigi moved her hands around the back of his neck, pulling him close, kissing him longingly before she responded with a smile, “It’s more than a pleasure, boss man.”

_________

“Number six!” she called down to him from the deck as he stepped from the walkway onto the street to head back to his people at the front gate. “You make beautiful babies!”

“Yes, I fucking do!” he called back to her with a tilt of his head, trying to figure out what the number was about.

“Number six of the eight billion reasons why I love you!” she explained over the railing to him, watching him smirk. “I think I gave you the first five reasons the night of the party in the rec room!” He was suddenly serious, nodding up at her, then placed four fingers vertically over his lips. She responded with four fingers held over hers, horizontally, which couldn’t hide the smile in her eyes.

She watched him walk down the street to the crowd at the gate, Lucille swinging at his side, and she wished she was physically able to go down and say hi to her friends. She was too far away to see faces, but he told her he’d brought Keno and Little Timmy’s teams, Arat and Simon. He’d told her he had some things to settle back at the factory before he let everyone know about their baby, and asked if she could wait to say hi to everyone.

“If I come back, will it cause problems with Frankie?” They hadn’t even discussed whether he’d tried to forge some type of relationship with the redhead after she left. “Oh, my God, Negan, I didn’t even ask you about the baby! It’s due any minute, isn’t it? Or has it already been born?” She tried to do the math in her head. When she had thought about it, months ago, she’d figured out she was about one month behind Frankie in her pregnancy. If Katie was five weeks early, Frankie may not have gone into labor yet.

Negan had looked at her thoughtfully as he bounced Katie in his arms like Gigi had shown him a few minutes before when the baby had started to fuss. “Can we talk about it when I come back, new girl? I just want to enjoy this moment with my girl and my teeny girl.” Her mind had raced, wondering if he didn’t want to tell her he’d been living with Frankie in her absence. She nodded at him, suppressing the urge to ask more questions.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Gigi,” he’d promised her. “You know I won’t be able to stay the fuck away while I wait for you and the kids to move in.” They both knew she was in no shape to travel by car for several hours, and he’d told her he wanted Fat Joseph to do a thorough redirect and traffic jam clearings in the area so he could get back and forth to visit her and the baby more easily. Also, so their path would be absolutely fucking clear when he drove them back to the factory to stay for good.

Gigi also needed time to talk to her children about moving. She’d mentioned the idea briefly to them once or twice when she’d first arrived, but didn’t mention it again once she’d realized Negan wasn’t coming for her. She knew Stevie would up and go at the drop of a hat, but she didn’t know how Elena would respond to the idea since she liked living in Alexandria.

She watched as a figure dressed in white jumped out of the back of one of the Saviors trucks and made his way towards the group of Alexandrians standing thirty feet away. She knew it was Daryl when a tiny teenager and a figure in an ugly floral cardigan rushed to him, hugging him from both sides. She smiled at the sight, turning to go back inside. Her girl was getting hungry, fussing loudly on her shoulder and mouthing at the skin of her neck, making her chuckle. “Allright, bossy, let’s feed you.”

__________

Fat Joseph opened his door to find Negan standing there with a grin on his face, Skinny right next to him. _A grin? Uh oh. The big boss doesn’t grin._

“Can I come in?” The leader pushed his way past Joseph into his room. “Can you keep a secret? I’ve got a project for you boys and I need you to start right now.”

“Now? It’s seven o’clock at night.” Fat looked at his watch, wondering what was so important.

“Fat! This is important,” Skinny hushed him, standing next to Negan sporting a serious face.

“Wait, you know the secret already?” Fat Joe asked his friend with an offended frown.

“Yes, and if you shut up, you’ll hear it, too,” the slender Joseph informed him.

“Why’d you get to hear it first?” Fat challenged Skinny.

“ _Shut the fuck up!_ ” Negan ordered loudly, refocusing both men.

Thirty minutes later the Josephs headed out into the dark on a very important mission, taking a handful of men to help them. They only spilled their secret to one person on their way out of the factory, after they made him swear on his life he wouldn’t tell anyone. Once Slug had sworn, they filled him in because they figured Gigi would want him to know, wouldn’t she, so Negan might not mind, right?  

“I knew it! I knew she’d be back! And we’ll get to meet Stevie and Elena! So she had some kind of surgery? What kind of surgery?” he’d pestered them for more information, worried, wanting to be sure his friend was truly going to be okay.

“Negan didn’t say,” the bigger Joey had shaken his head.

“Nope. Didn’t say,” Skinny affirmed.

_________

“Thank God, Gigi Ray’s coming back!” Keno cheered when Tayvon told him the next morning.

Gigi’s teammate had heard it from Liz, who’d bartered working two of his guard duty shifts to find out why Slug had been smiling from ear to ear all during breakfast. He only wore his super smiley face when he had a secret he was dying to share. Tayvon had seen Liz jumping up and down and dancing around him excitedly before Slug shushed her, as they spoke quietly on the landing over the exchange floor, both of them looking around to make sure no one was close by.

Tayvon had then cornered Liz when she’d come down the steps after Slug left, refusing to let her pass until she filled him in. “You owe me!” he’d insisted.

“I don’t owe you diddly squat,” the woman had eyeballed him as he’d stood his ground in front of her. “As a matter of fact, you still owe me two beers from the last guard shift I covered for you!”

“Aww, come on, Liz!” her teammate had pleaded. “You guys were talking about something big! I could tell.”

“Oh, all right, but only if you promise you won’t tell anyone,” Liz leaned in to talk softly to the man in front of her.

Tayvon had managed to keep the secret for exactly twelve minutes before he let the news sort of slip to Keno. He made the mistake of thanking the heavens the boss man would be in a better mood soon, after the lieutenant had told him Negan lit into the laundry woman, two days before, for using starch in his tee shirts, telling her they were “itchy as all fucking fuck!”

“What do you mean, he’ll be in a better mood soon? What do you know?” the lieutenant questioned Tayvon with suspicion.

“Nothin’ man! Just sayin’ He’s got to work himself into a better mood sometime, since he’s been in a bad mood for a few weeks now, right?” Liz’s teammate tried to look nonchalant as he explained himself.

Keno wasn’t buying it, and told the man he had an unopened bottle of Crown Royal  he’d give him if he’d dish. It was an offer Tay couldn’t refuse, because the guy would find out soon enough, anyway, so why shouldn’t he get a bottle of liquor in exchange for the info?

Once Keno knew Gigi was coming back, word spread like melted butter on a hot biscuit around the factory because, as always, the head of the Crazy Eight gossiped like a bored housewife. Within twenty four hours the mood at the factory had risen exponentially, people literally high fiving each other for no reason on the exchange floor. Even those who’d moved into the Sanctuary in the last five months, “post Gigi”, were excited, having heard the legend of Commander Mary Sunshine and her perpetual glittering cloud of joy. “There’s just something about her,” they’d been told.

“We heard there’s some good news, sir! When will she be back?” Phil and Maria’s mom stopped Negan in the hall outside the cafeteria the next morning as he made his way to get some breakfast.

The boss man stared at the couple for several seconds before he raised his eyebrows, inquiring, “When will who be back?” He knew exactly who the fuck they were talking about, and he couldn’t fucking wait until he got ahold of the Josephs to fucking ream them new assholes.

“Gigi!” Maria’s mom answered, her tone of voice inferring, ‘Who else?’, as if the boss’s question was ridiculous.

“Uh, huh,” he nodded at them. “We’re not quite sure yet,” he answered hurriedly, continuing past them towards the kitchen. There was no point in pretending she wasn’t coming, because these two were way down the totem pole from the Josephs, which meant everyone in the fucking factory must know by now.

“Mr. Negan!” Janet greeted him from behind the food tables, “Great news, huh? We’re all so excited to hear she’s coming back!” All five people working with her behind the tables nodded in agreement as they put together a tray of food for the big boss.

_Jesus Christ._


	23. Not Out Here On My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan looked down at her, running his fingers through her hair to push it back off her face, moving his lips across her forehead and down her cheeks before he kissed her softly. “I just needed you,” he admitted, quietly. “I read your letters, and I had to come to you, Gigi. I fucking had to.” He felt her head nod in understanding as he mouthed his way down her neck and across her shoulder before he moved back up to her ear, nibbling it before he swiped the tip of his tongue around it, making her moan softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, smut and feels for you, my faithful readers.

It was noon, three days after Gigi’s reunion with the boss man, when a box truck and a pick up truck pulled up to Alexandria’s gates, and Simon hopped out, telling Abe he and his boys needed to see Rick.

“We’re here to see Gigi, please,” a chubby guy and a skinny guy said in unison to the pretty Latina standing with the redhead, making her smirk.

“And who the hell are you?” Abe asked the visitors, not having been on site when Simon had visited two days before.

“We’re Negan,” the older of the three answered as the other two nodded.

When Rick and Michonne approached the gate a few minutes later, Abe was helping the three men unload baskets of vegetables and boxes of canned fruits and vegetables and fresh pork on ice from the back of the truck, as well as some beef jerky. Simon passed Alexandria’s leader a note, which simply read,

 

_Make sure my girl, her kids_

_and consequently, my baby are_

_fucking fed properly from now on._

_\- Negan_

 

There was enough food to feed the entire community for a few weeks, more if they carefully rationed. Rick simply handed the note to his samurai with a shrug and a shake of his head, before he walked over to help unload the goods. He thought Negan was a pompous ass, but he couldn’t be all bad if he was sending them a truckload of food.

“Excuse me, miss?” Fat Joe approached Michonne as the last of the food was unloaded. “Can you please tell me how to find Gigi?” Skinny Joe joined him, looking at Rick’s partner expectantly.

“Sure,” she responded.

“But we’re going to need you to leave your weapons here at the gate,” Rick added when he overheard the question.

“Umm, we were told ...” Skinny Joe started to inform Rick sheepishly, but with a hint of conviction.

“...not to leave them anywhere but on our fucking belts,” Fat Joe finished as he produced another note from his shirt pocket.

“Sorry,” both men apologized sincerely.

Rick rolled his eyes when he read the note, remembering Negan’s vehement refusal to give up Lucille and his Glock when he and his crew had arrived a few days before.

 

_My men will be staying with Gigi_

_to keep my baby and her family safe._

_They will not give up their fucking_

_weapons at the gate, because_

_it’s a stupid fucking rule. - Negan._

 

He nodded at the two men, taking a visual inventory of the chubby man’s knife and handgun, and then turned to the man’s skinny friend as he trotted back to the cab of the box truck, returning with some spiked skulls on chains. They seemed to be the only weapon the man carried, other than a hunting knife.

“She’s up the street,” Michonne instructed them, “Turn the corner, first townhouse on the left.” She watched as both men hopped into the pickup truck, the bed of which was loaded with several boxes and some baskets.

“Were those fucking flails?” Abraham called to her incredulously, taking a drag of his cigar as he closed the gate after the box truck left, leaving the fat and skinny ones behind.

“Yep.”

“So he goes medieval on the walkers asses? Nice!”

_________

“Mom!” Stevie yelled up the stairwell to the third floor.

“Yeah, sweetie?” Gigi’s voice came down the stairwell towards her son and the two excited men standing next to him.

“You have visitors!”

“I have visitors?”

“Yeah! From the Sanctuary!”

“From the Sanctuary!?” The voice from above asked excitedly.

Elena watched from the couch in the living room as the two visitors heard the excited voice, and turned and nodded each other, grinning and sharing a low five over her mom’s excitement like a couple of big geeks. She rolled her eyes and went back to reading her outdated magazine, smirking to herself.

Stevie laughed at his mom, and dragged the skinny man next to him closer to the steps by the arm. Skinny’s eyes followed when Gigi’s son pointed upward with his index finger.

Gigi’s face looked down at Skinny from over the railing three floors up as he looked up at her, her eyes going wide as she squealed, “ _Skinny!_ ” motioning for him to come up to her. She squealed again as she watched him start up the steps, and saw Fat Joseph fall in behind him, waving and grinning up at her excitedly. “My Fat and Skinny! Get up here, you two!”

____________

Gigi sat on the floor in the middle of the boxes, opening them one at a time to see what was inside. Stevie and Elena were sitting with her, opening their own boxes, while Fat Joe held Katie as he lounged in a chair, cooing at her as he rubbed her back. Skinny Joe checked his watch for the third time as he put together a bassinet for the baby, wondering if it was his turn yet, since Fat got to hold the baby first when she woke up from her nap. They had agreed on rotating for exactly twenty minutes of holding time. He still had two minutes left to wait.

“Oooh, snacks!” Stevie pulled out a brown paper bag full of homemade tortilla chips and a container of fresh salsa, immediately taste testing one of the chips.

“From Maria’s mom,” Skinny Joe explained to Gigi as he attached the wheels to the base of the bassinet. “She also sent you some sorghum blueberry muffins …”

“... and some homemade chicken noodle soup and some bread,” Fat Joe finished. Elena giggled, because it was about the tenth time the two men had finished each others sentences. She really liked her mom’s geeky friends.

“Jus’ in case,” Skinny mimicked Maria’s mom’s Hispanic accent and the flamboyant hand motions she used when she talked. “Ju never know if she’ll need it. She can hide it from the ress of those people.”

“She is just the best!” Gigi told Elena and Stevie. “She loves you with food.”

“Yeah, she does,” Fat affirmed. “You should be big as a house, Gigi, since she loves you _alot_!”

“There!” Skinny announced, as he pulled the billowy cover over the sides of the bassinet and placed the tiny mattress inside. “All done!”

“I can’t figure out why he sent both a bassinet and a crib, since we’ll probably move to the Sanctuary before she even grows out of the bassinet,” Gigi wondered out loud. “I don’t think you need to bother to put the crib together.”

“It’s because his baby isn’t going to sleep on a goddamn mattress on the fucking floor anymore, and she can choose whichever fucking bed she’s most comfortable in,” Fat Joe answered, imitating his boss. “I asked the same question,” he explained when Gigi and Skinny Joe looked at him curiously, trying to figure out why the boss man would explain himself to Joey.

“He just about flipped his lid when he spotted her mattress on the floor, on my side of the bed,” Gigi related. “I explained to him, since Katie came early, we didn’t have time to find a replacement for the rickety antique crib someone else in the community had offered me.” Since it wasn’t considered safe for parents to sleep with their infants, she’d simply put the crib mattress on the floor on her side of the bed, where Katie could sleep right under her mommy’s nose. “He didn’t believe there is no way a baby can roll at this age. I told him we’d find her a crib long before she was big enough to move. He was still sure she’d roll off the thing at night.”

“Jeez!” Elena proclaimed as she opened another box, “Katie will have an outfit for every day of the month!” She pulled out sleepers and clothing in all the pastel colors of the rainbow; pink, yellow, mint green, lavender and blue.

“At least we’ll have enough to share with Maggie when her baby comes!” Gigi laughed.

__________

“Are you absolutely fucking sure?” Negan queried through the walkie to Fat Joe.

“I’m absolutely sure, sir.” Fat answered.

“You’d better be sure the path is clear, Fat Joseph, or it’ll be your fucking hide,” Negan threatened. “And I’m not fucking kidding! You fucking hear me?”

“I swear, sir!”

“Are my girls okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“It's a good fucking thing!”

Fat handed the walkie to Skinny when the conversation was over, insisting, “Next time _you_ get to talk to him.”

___________

The following day six trucks and a military transport vehicle rolled up to the gates of Alexandria while Stevie and Glenn were on guard duty. “Holy shit, are we being invaded?” Glenn asked Gigi’s son, who was looking through his binoculars at the lead vehicle.

“Nah,” Stevie reassured him. “It’s just Negan and his crew.”

Glenn didn’t look convinced, as several dozen men and women jumped out of the vehicles, all armed to the teeth.

“What's all this for?” Stevie asked Negan, motioning to the caravan.

“Needed a few escorts, to make sure nothing stopped me from getting to my girls!” Negan explained as Stevie nodded, impressed as the leader turned back to the passenger side of the first truck to grab something from the passenger seat of the cab.

___________

“Gigi?” she heard Skinny’s voice call up the steps, “Negan’s here!” She was laying on one of the lounge chairs on the deck, dozing while Skinny and Elena watched Katie, since the baby had kept her up all night with her crying again.

“He is?!” she called down to her friend.

“I am, new girl!” Negan called up to her, “and I’m coming up!”

“Okay!” she responded hastily, moving as quickly as she could into the master bathroom to brush her teeth and straighten her hair. Luckily she’d actually had time to take a shower an hour before, so she wasn’t too much of a mess. She’d used her favorite tropical body wash Negan had sent in one of the boxes and was even dressed in clothes and not pj’s. She was clean and tidy. She just looked tired.

She ran her fingers through her hair one more time, fluffing it up a bit, and walked through her bedroom to meet her boss man. She walked through the doorway smiling, excited to see him, but stopped dead in her tracks, shocked when she took in the sight in front of her. Negan was standing at the top of the steps, looking totally, preciously awkward, with Katie in one arm and an infant car seat handle in the grip of his other hand. What was shocking was the seat wasn’t empty. There was a tiny redheaded baby in it, it’s unfocused eyes wandering as it squirmed.

“Oh, Negan!” Gigi’s hand went to her mouth and she laughed with joy at the precious little ginger. “Such beautiful hair! Here!” She motioned excitedly to the reading chair closest to her, using her foot to position the ottoman in front of it as she held her sore belly for support.  Negan deposited the baby carrier in front of her on the chair as she sat down on the foot rest, and he spent a few seconds brushing some hair on the baby’s forehead to the side with the fingers of his free hand. She could have kissed daddy as he concentrated on his grooming task, he was taking it so seriously.

She waited impatiently until he was finished, and immediately unbuckled the baby and lifted it out of the seat, laying it on her legs to look at it. “Boy or a girl?” she asked excitedly. The yellow footed sleeper gave no indication.

“A boy.” Negan answered softly as he stood behind her watching her interact with his son. She ran her hands up and down the length of him, soothingly, before she picked him up and nuzzled his cheek with her lips and nose for a few moments, and then inspected all of his facial features from her intimate vantage point.

“Oh my!” she cooed at him. “You have your mommy’s hair and nose, but I think you have your daddy’s eyes, and definitely his mouth. And unfortunately,” she informed the infant seriously as she nibbled on a tiny ear, “You have your daddy’s long earlobes.”

“Oh, Negan, he is just stunning! Is Frankie here?” she asked as she put the baby back on her thighs to look at him, rambling, “She can’t be up to traveling yet. When was he born?” Gigi fussed over the collar of the sleeper and closed one of the snaps on the front of his outfit which had come undone, smiling as she worked.

“The day before Katie,” Negan turned to walk to the French doors behind them to look out onto the deck.

“Were the roads clear like the Joeys told you? I can’t believe they kept such a big secret from me! And Frankie was okay with you bringing him on this long trip? Your mommy couldn’t be up to a four hour drive already, even if she had a vaginal delivery, right?” Gigi surmised, as the baby started to fuss in her lap. She ran her thumb down his forehead to the tip of his nose and back up watching him calm after only a few strokes. “Negan?” She realized he hadn’t answered, and turned to look over her shoulder at him. He continued to look outside as he rubbed Katie’s back absently, barely shaking his head in response to her query.

Gigi’s heart crawled into her throat as she realized why he wasn’t answering. She could see the tension in his posture and feel it in his silence. He would talk when he was ready, so she continued to fuss over the baby silently, while she mourned the loss of her friend, and the fact the beautiful baby boy didn’t have a mommy. The thought of her boss man trying to handle a newborn on his own, after losing the baby’s mother, choked her up more than a little bit.

If he would have tried to talk to her in that moment he might have fucking lost it. He hadn’t had time to properly deal with what had happened during Frankie’s delivery because he’d been totally fucking overwhelmed with learning how to care for their infant on his own. Single fatherhood wasn’t a contingency he’d planned for. Thank God for Maria and her mom, and Liz, who had teamed up to show him the ropes.

His girl waited patiently, and he could see her in the reflection of the glass in front of him, loving on his baby. Not her baby, but his baby, and she loved on him with the same fucking level of affection he’d seen her give Katie. He finally turned, after looking out at the sky, and found her lying back on the chair. The baby was laying high on her shoulder, and she’d placed his boy’s upper body and head on the top of the overstuffed back cushion of the chair as she held him securely with one hand. Her head rested right next to his, turned so she was nose to nose with him, her lips next to his mouth. She was whispering a song to him so the baby could hear her soothing voice and feel her lips moving on his skin.

He wouldn’t have thought he could love his spitfire any more than he already did. He knew in that moment he’d been so very fucking wrong. He also knew he'd been right in bringing his boy to her, because he needed her. They both did.

He watched her for a few minutes, while she was unaware of him, whispering to his boy. Kissing his nose softly. Breathing him in. She eventually picked up the now sleeping infant and put him on her chest, finally catching her boss man watching her. She smiled softly, jerking her chin very slightly, bidding him to come to her.

She stood up, motioning for him to sit down with Katie and scoot to one side, and then gently lowered herself so her bum was on the seat sideways, next to his thigh, her legs bent over his. Negan chuckled as his tiny lump of a sleeping boy grunted his discontent when he was jostled while she moved him to lay face up on on her slanted thighs. “How the fuck did _this_ happen?” he shook his head in bewilderment, looking over the two sleeping infants. “It’s a little fucking overwhelming to go from none to two, I gotta tell ya,” he confessed in a tired voice.

“Well you look like a natural,” she told him, grinning at his one hand holding his daughter to his chest while the other caressed his son’s hand.

“I must put on a good fucking show, ‘cause I don’t know what the hell I’m doing,”  he confessed. He laid his head back on the chair, sighing before he finally murmured, “Frankie died during his delivery, Gigi. It was fucking awful. Everything started out okay, but then it all went wrong. It went bad so fast, Carson didn’t even have time to tell me what was going on. But I figured it out. I could tell by the way he was talking to her, too soothing, too reassuring. He caught me staring at him, and he gave me the slightest shake of his head, and I knew I was right.

“I fucking lied to her Gigi, and I kept lying to her. I thought they were both gonna die. I kept telling her everything was going great and talking about how things were going to be once she delivered the baby, trying to cover up what was really happening. She never fucking knew she wasn’t going to survive. She’d had a spinal block, so she didn’t feel any pain.” He rubbed his hand across his lips as he often did when he was thoughtful, finally turning his head to look at her, looking for some kind of help with his turmoil.

“You did the right thing, Negan. If you would have been honest, she would have been frightened. It wouldn't have served any purpose,” she validated him, knowing it was what he needed. “And you know what else? If you had told her what was really happening, even if she was frightened, she would have told you to do everything you could to save her baby. She would have told you she was willing to give her life for him. She would have been frightened, but she wouldn’t have been sad to die for him. Her only sadness would have come with knowing she wouldn’t meet him or get to watch him grow.”

“How do you know that, Gigi?” Negan looked at her wondering how she would know what Frankie had been thinking.

“It’s the way mommies think, Negan. Once you know you’re pregnant, and you hear it's heartbeat, or feel it move in your belly, and especially once you hold it in your arms, you know you would fight to the death to make sure it’s safe,” she revealed. She was quiet for a long moment before she lay her head on his shoulder and confessed in a whisper, “You’d let yourself be captured by men who would rape and torture you ... because if you weren’t absolutely certain you could take down all of them, since you only had your knives and they had guns pointed at you, you wouldn’t want to take the chance in fighting them. Because if you lost and were incapacitated, they might get their hands on your children who were close by. So you would let them take you. And you’d do it without regret, to make sure your children were safe.”

Negan was stunned by her disclosure. He hadn’t realized she’d had to make the choice to go with Bobby and his men in order to save her children from them. What a fucking horrible choice his amazing, fucking brave girl had had to make. His hand went to the side of her face, pulling her head to his shoulder as he kissed the top of it. “I’m so sorry you had to make such a horrible fucking choice to make sure those assholes didn't get at Stevie and Elena.”

“It feels strange to say I’m thankful I did, because it’s pretty clear Stevie and Elena would have become victims, too, in one way or another.” He felt her shudder as she spoke, and he nodded at her concern, caressing the side of her face softly with his fingers.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before he revealed, “You know I was so fucking pissed at Frankie, and at myself, for getting knocked up. I was so pissed it wasn’t you. I spent five months worried I wouldn't know how to love a baby the way it needed to be loved. But when I thought I was going to fucking lose him, I finally knew how much I wanted him. The first time I held him, I knew I would fucking kill to make sure he's safe and healthy and happy.”

“See?” Gigi smiled him, teasing. “You’ll make a great mommy!” She expected a chuckle out of him, but instead he shook his head.

“Gigi, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm gonna fucking break him, I know it,” he confessed with a worried expression.

“Well you've brought him to the right place,” she reassured him with a serious expression, “because I've done this a few times already, so I kinda, almost sorta know what I’m doing.” She was teasing him, but the relief which washed over him was endearing. “After raising our twins here,” she looked back and forth between the two sleeping infants, stroking their cheeks she spoke, “we'll have this parenting thing down pat!”

“ _We’ll_ have it down pat?” Negan questioned her. “I really fucking like the sound of that, Gigi.”

“Negan!” she cut across him suddenly, her eyes wide. “You haven't told me his name!”

“He doesn’t have one, Gigi,” he admitted with a frown. “I've just been calling him Baby Boy, or Red. How fucking sad is that?”

“Red is a great name for him, Negan! It's obvious he's going to be a carrot top for life. It’s perfect!” she laughed.

__________

Negan had sent the Joeys and his entourage back to the factory; the entourage he confessed to Stevie later which had come along to ensure Red got to Alexandria safely. The big boss had stayed with Gigi for three days, just settling in to their chaotic life as parents of two infants before the Josephs had showed up on her doorstep again and her boss man told her he needed to go back to the factory.

The big boss had worked out a shared custody plan, as Fat Joe referred to it, where he and Skinny would stay in Alexandria each week while Negan was at the factory from Monday at noon to Friday at dinnertime. The two Joes couldn’t have been happier with the arrangement. “So you have custody on weekdays,” he had grinned at Gigi, making her laugh.

She had convinced Negan to leave Red with her, so she could nurse him, along with Katie. Their children wouldn't have the advantage of vaccinations and the other preventatives for childhood disease which had disappeared with the old world, so they needed every health advantage they could get. Negan simply stood in awe of her fucking glittery, loving awesomeness before he gave her a hungry kiss goodbye, then walked to Alexandria’s gate wondering when he’d be able to finally get a piece of ass from her again. In all the chaos of trying to manage the babies, he’d forgotten to even try. _Forgotten?_ It was a fucking disturbing thought for him.

__________

Gigi would never have guessed two twenty-something men would be so happy to be stuck helping her with baby duty, but the Joes were eager assistants. She could have cried, when after three nights of both babies screaming most of the night, Fat Joe took them from her at two in the morning, offering to take them for a walk. “I can’t sleep anyway, with all the noise,” he reassured her when she’d asked him if he was sure. She wished the video camera Negan had left her to record the babies had a night mode, because she would have recorded her friend, walking up and down the street bouncing one of her babies in each arm, singing an aria softly to her children.

 _My babies._ She marveled everyday how she loved Red as if he were her own. He was a little part of her boss man, staring up at her with Negan’s eyes, and she was so grateful she could help Negan raise him in Frankie’s absence, even if having two newborns at once was trying at times.

She smirked to herself as she listened to her friend move from one end of the street to the other, thinking about how frustrated Negan would get when both babies were crying at once, which happened often. He didn’t like it in the least he couldn’t immediately make it all better for them. He’d also admitted to her after about ten minutes of screaming it grated his fucking nerves, which cracked her up, especially since he sounded slightly apologetic while saying it. They’d quickly learned to divide and conquer, since Katie was a daddy’s girl, and Red found Gigi soothing. She headed back inside from the deck, heading to her room to lay down, hoping to catch a bit of sleep before she needed to be on mommy duty again.

____________

Three weeks after he’d found his spitfire, shortly after midnight, Negan sat in the corner of the couch in his apartment at the factory, wishing his girl was sleeping in the fucking bed across the room. There were two more days before he’d be headed to Alexandria for the weekend. He grinned like a fucking loon at the thought she and all four kids would be there soon enough. They’d be like the goddamn Brady Bunch with their blended fucking family. He shuffled through the stack of letters on the couch next to him, smirking at how she’d labeled each envelope differently; My Love, Boss Man, Big Boss, and so on. His favorite, of course, was Master of My Universe.

He’d finally made a trip to the family tree to get them, not having had the chance since their reunion. When he’d arrived back at the factory after he’d found her in Alexandria, he’d immediately pulled her slightly mangled orange notebook from his bookshelf, scotch taped some ripped pages, and read it. He’d read it half a dozen more times, since. No one had ever written him a fucking love letter before, except for Mary Beth Liebowitz, in the fifth grade, telling him she liked him and asking if he liked her, too. There had been a box to check for yes and a box for no, and since Mary Ann always smelled kind of like yesterday’s bologna sandwich, he’d promptly checked off no, folded the note back up and threw it back at her, bouncing it off her head and making her cry before she read it, and again after.

His girl’s letter was amazing, making him feel all fucking good about his pussified self, like she always did. If he would have read it the night she’d left, he would have been sitting under the fucking tree two days before the fifteenth, just to be sure he didn’t miss her when she came to leave her directions for him. Even when she’d written she couldn’t live with the violence, it was fucking coated in honey and sunshine, making him want to tell her he’d do any fucking thing she’d ask of him. She’d used phrases like _“I love you more than I can ever express”_ and _“You bring me so much happiness in a harsh world”_ , _“I am awed by your strength”_ and the best one, _“I could fuck you all day, every day,”_ because he was the fucking master of her fucking universe. Maybe she hadn’t worded it quite that way, and used some girly poetic wording, but the fucking sentiment was the same.

He set his bourbon on the coffee table and proceeded to read each of the letters from the tree, one by one, in the order they were placed in the bag.

 _“... I was a sobbing mess, boss man, when I could finally touch my children again. I felt as if a huge piece of my heart, which had been missing for so very long, was finally put back into place. After things settled, though, I realized there was a another huge piece missing, and I won’t be complete again until you arrive. I can’t wait for you to meet Stevie and Elena, Negan… Janneys Lane and Yale Drive…_ _we’ll_ _be waiting ..."_

_“... I haven’t been feeling well. Dr. Denise insisted I pay her a visit to figure out why my headaches have popped back up again, and are more painful. I’ll tell you what she finds when you get here…”_

_“... I have some amazing news, boss man, and I can’t wait for you to arrive, so I can tell you about it! I could burst with happiness, and am struggling to keep it inside until I see you ... I’m assuming something is keeping you busy at the factory, and hope everything is okay and you are not delayed due to problems….”_

_“... unfortunately it has gotten worse, so I won’t be coming to the tree every other week to deliver my own letters. Daryl and Stevie have assured me they will act as my couriers … miss you desperately … hope you’ll be here soon…”_

_“...bored out of my mind lying in bed, but trying to make the best of things, reading everything I can get my hands on, and eating tons of Carol’s pink cookies. She uses beet juice to sweeten them, do you believe that? I also now know fifteen, three letter words starting with the letter v, because I have done exactly sixty three crossword puzzles, even finishing a bunch without looking in the back ...”_

_“... I was reminded of Mikey today while doing another crossword puzzle. Did you know an ament is a person who fails to develop mentally? I thought of the two of you playing marbles. The picture of you on your hands and knees, chest to the floor to line up your shot flashed through my mind, making me smile. I got more than a little bit worked up when I pictured you in the same position nude, in our bed, with your tight little buns up in the air. I’m REALLY missing you, boss man, in more ways than one ...”_

_“... I am almost afraid to say it out loud, but I am beginning to worry you will never show up, Negan. I worry you are angry with me for leaving without talking to you first, or something bad has happened to you. My worst fear is you are dead set against working with other communities peacefully, and the disparity in how we view the world is something which will keep us apart ...”_

_“... with all my heart … passion for you …  you sleeping next to me … your stickin’ up hair in the morning … nachos… love … feeling you inside me while you look in_ _to_ _my eyes … you brought me flowers ...”_

_“... Will it sound too mushy if I tell you I literally ache for you, deep down in my soul? … beginning to think you ...”_

_“... finally come to the realization... hope Frankie and the baby are doing well and her pregnancy is healthy and happy. You both must be getting excited since her due date is drawing near…”_

_“... as I begged you in the cell our final night together, please don’t ever forget how much I love you, Negan. I hope you are happy in your new life. I thank you so very much for saving me all those months ago, and putting me back together, piece by piece. You will forever hold a place in my heart; a place which no one else will ever be able to fill …”_

_“... in case you drive by the tree … thought you might like to see your daughter … so beautiful, Negan and she looks just like you … have this amazing little replica of you to fill some of the emptiness your absence has left in my heart … amazing and precious reminder of our time together …”_

In the last letter, in which she’d told him about their baby, she had enclosed a photograph. It was black and white, and looked hand developed from a film negative. It was very close up, a profile shot showing his girl’s head and one shoulder. In it Gigi was lying on her back on what he recognized as the comforter on her bed, face up, her hair splayed on the bed . A snippet of his wife beater showing on her shoulder at the right edge of the picture. Her head was turned very slightly towards the camera. She held a few days old Katie so the side of her tiny head was laying on her mommy's smiling lips. Gigi’s eyes were closed, but the baby’s were wide open as she looked into the lens of the camera. It was a fucking stunning portrait of his girl and his teeny girl.

__________

At four in the morning, Gigi woke up to see Negan stepping into her bedroom in the townhouse and closing the door behind him. She could just make him out in the dim light from two night lights which were plugged in on either side of the room.

“Hey!” He heard her whispered, sleepy greeting through the darkness and he didn’t even need to see her face to know she was smiling at him as she always did when she said hello.

She watched him as he silently removed his shoes and socks, and then his jacket before he stripped off his tee shirt and pants and crawled up the foot of the bed to hover over her. One of Gigi’s hands immediately reached for him, pulling him down on top of her in her sleepy haze while the other fumbled for the bed covers to push them down as far as she could reach. She needed to feel him. Needed to feel his skin on hers. They’d spent several days together since they reunited, but those days had been filled with babies and family and the Josephs, and their nights full of feedings, with some dozing in between. “You just have to watch my belly,” she murmured, and he immediately pulled his legs under him to rest on his shins, in order to keep his weight off her middle.

He gently settled himself over her, asking, “This feel okay, Gigi?”

As soon as she whispered a soft, “I feel perfect, now,” his lips descended on hers, and he kissed her long and slow, enjoying every fucking second of it. He took his time, and poured himself into it, alternating between kissing her deeply and lightly grazing her lips with his, then dipping his tongue in between for a taste.

It wasn’t more than five seconds before he heard what he needed to hear, a breathy little whimper which made his heart race and his dick rock hard.

_All fucking mine._

“What are you doing here?” she whispered happily, when they finally broke apart, feeling his cheekbones and eyes with her lips.

Negan looked down at her, running his fingers through her hair to push it back off her face, moving his lips across her forehead and down her cheeks before he kissed her softly. “I just needed you,” he admitted, quietly. “I read your letters, and I had to come to you, Gigi. I fucking _had_ to.” He felt her head nod in understanding as he mouthed his way down her neck and across her shoulder before he moved back up to her ear, nibbling it before he swiped the tip of his tongue around it, making her moan softly.

“And because you love me and you couldn't stand another minute without me? she teased.

“Yeah, new girl. Because I love you and I needed to tell you as soon as fucking possible,” he confirmed in a whisper before he nipped her ear with his teeth.

She could hear his breathing, heavy and erratic in her ear as he humped her thigh softly, her horny boy. He was fired up, and she enjoyed the sound and feel of his passion as he kissed and licked his way down the middle of her chest and over her tank top, skipping past Thelma and Louise with a soft, “Sorry girls, Gigi said ‘no go’,” because she’d told him, when he’d tried to cop a quick feel the weekend before, his best friends were too sensitive at the moment and he’d have to find other parts of her to feel up.

She moved her hands over his shoulders and back as he kissed his way across her upper belly, steering clear of her still tender abdomen. His head snapped up from his work, as did hers off the pillow, when a tiny grunt drifted out of the bassinet across the room. They both froze, waiting to see if the grunter would settle back down or whether their fun was over. Negan could hear a barely audible, “No, no, no, no, no …” from Gigi, which made his smirk. _Yee fucking ha! My girl wants a little Negan love._

After several seconds passed they both relaxed, and he moved back up to kiss her whispering, “How long do you think we have before they wake up hungry?” directly into her ear, so as not to wake the babies.

She turned her head to look at the clock on the nightstand before whispering back, “An hour and a half, maybe? I managed to get them on the same feeding schedule.”

“Yessss!” he whispered back with a grin. “An hour and a half is plenty of time.”

He kissed her softly, poking out his tongue to lick her bottom lip before he sucked it between his lips and nibbled on it for a few seconds. _She tastes like fucking heaven._ “What can we do?” he asked, his hands already roaming fervently up and down her body as he shifted himself to lay beside her.

Chuckling to himself at his good fortune, he looked her up and down, trying to figure out where to stop first on the veritable buffet of fun which was her body. _She looks like fucking heaven._ She had gained some weight during her pregnancy, and he liked he could grab a little chunk at the top of her leg, kneading it between his fingers and thumb.

His hand finally stopped to rest high on the inside of her thigh. The tip of his thumb gently toyed with the elastic on the leg of her panties, moving back and forth as it crept its way underneath the fabric, sweeping from her thigh over to brush the outside of her labia. Gigi hummed as his lips moved along her shoulder and down her arm.

“Mmm, anything you want, boss man,” she informed him quietly as her head pushed back into the pillow while she enjoyed his teasing fingers on the sensitive skin.

She stifled a giggle when his head snapped up again. “Really? Don't fucking tease me, Gigi.” He couldn’t wait to get inside his spitfire again, and he fucking hoped tonight was the night.

Gigi decided not to answer, and simply reached down to push her underwear down her hips with one hand while she pulled his lips down to hers for a needy, sloppy wet kiss to which he responded in kind. “I need it all, Negan. I need you. Maybe just slow and sweet to start?”

 _I can fucking do slow and sweet. I am the fucking master of slow and sweet. Sometimes. Well, once in awhile._ “Mmhmm,” was all he could manage to murmur back as he grabbed her underwear between her legs and pulled them off one handed, so he didn’t have to separate from her. Moving his fingers back to the outside of her folds, he gently brushed her lips from front to back, feeling her gasp in his ear and feeling it on the side of his face as she turned into him to muffle the small noise. _She sounds like fucking heaven. My fucking heaven._

She crooked her arm around the back of his neck, weaving her fingers through the hair on the top of his head, grabbing hold as he continued to play, her lips resting on his cheek bone as he looked down at his hand in the faint light from the night light, watching it move between her thighs. Fuck if he didn’t love playing with her. It turned him the fuck on like nothing else. He wanted to immerse himself in her and never come up for air. Dive in and live to satisfy her. He continued to move his fingertips forward and back, dipping them just a little bit deeper in between with each pass, feeling her hips rock and squirm seeking out the friction she wanted.

Gigi admired her handsome man as he toyed with her, brushing her lips on his bearded jaw as she sighed, and then running them over the side of his face and up to his ear, whispering, “I love the feel of you, Negan.”

“I was thinking the same thing about you.” He turned his face to look at her, smiling as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Now lick,” he commanded softly, pushing his index and middle fingers between her lips. He didn’t really need her to wet his fingers. She was already wet. He could feel it with his shallow strokes between her thighs, but he wanted to see her lick and suck on his fingers. Because he loved the fuck out of it. She immediately wrapped her lips around them, swirling her tongue around the tips, just as she would do with his cock. _Fuuuuck me._ The feeling of her wet tongue, snaking around and over and under jacked him up, made him moan in appreciation as he dragged his fingers out of her mouth and down her bottom lip, feeling its fullness.

Moving the wet digits back between the juncture of her thighs, he gently pushed them between her labia and grazed them forward and back on either side of her clit. She had hypersensitive nerves there, and he could make her crumble by caressing them gently. He wanted her to fucking crumble. He wanted to remind her what she’d been missing, his girl.

She squirmed, and she canted her hips, and she let out a gush of breath  against his cheek before she sucked it quickly back in, holding him close with a firm grip in his hair as if she didn’t even want him think about moving too far from her, preventing his ability to do so.

He was nose to nose with her, sharing quickened, heavy breaths as he pulled his hand from between her legs and brought it back up to her lips. His heart literally fucking burst when she cried out mournfully at the loss of his touch, totally fucking validating him, and then he groaned softly when he pushed the fingers back into her mouth to give her a taste of herself. She fucking went to town, licking and sucking before he removed them quickly admonishing her in a whisper, “My dirty girl! Save some for me.”

Gigi moaned as he dipped his fingers back between her folds to wet them again, playing with her clit for two seconds before he swiped them over and above his own lips before he sucked on them himself, growling quietly. The sight of him enjoying the taste of her heightened her arousal, and she pulled his hair to bring him into her for a kiss.

He thwarted her efforts by turning his head slightly. When she yanked more forcefully on his hair, twisting her fingers in more painfully, he pulled back, moving his lips a hair’s breadth from hers to tease her further.

She let out of huff of frustration, knowing exactly what he was up to, denying her the kiss she craved. She quickly snaked one hand down between them as she watched him clean his fingers, sliding it between her legs and wetting it, before she shoved it forcefully into his boxers and grabbed his hard cock. She jerked him a few times firmly from root to tip, swirling her thumb around the head with each pass. Her wet hand slid oh, so divinely along the soft skin, the act catching him by surprise. His head lolled momentarily at the sensation, giving her the opportunity to yank him back to her by the hair, and she laid a dominating kiss on him. Pulling back, she whispered against his lips, laughing, “Don’t mess with me Negan. I’ve been waiting six months for this, and you _will_ give me what I need."

“Yes, ma’am!” He was so fucking turned on he rolled the top half of his body onto her and devoured her with his lips and tongue as he started working on her clit in earnest, circling it with four fingers. He groaned when she spread her legs for him while he played, and he picked up the pace of the motion of his hand. A smile curled up the edges of his lips when he realized she was already close. He felt around in the dark, moving her hand between her legs so she could take over for a moment. He didn’t want to cause a break in her pleasure, but wanted to give her the one thing he knew would send her over the edge with a fucking roar. _Hmmm_. Maybe he’d even give her two things.

He continued to kiss her as he removed his boxers, and then turned away from her, positioning himself on spread knees and lowering his chest just as she’d described in one of her letters, his balls and cock hanging for her viewing pleasure as he put an elbow next to each of her hips. He crooked one of her legs and laid it over his back and spread the other wide open as he chuckled at the delicious sight right under his nose. Going to work on her, he did the sideways thing she loved so much, moving his lips along hers softly as he poked his tongue out to swipe her clit, making her writhe. _She tastes like fucking heaven._

Gigi knew she was going to explode any second when he lowered himself to show her his ass in the low light of the room. His tongue was working in overdrive, and she groaned as she reached between his legs to cup his balls in her hand, rolling them and tugging them the way he liked, making him growl as he lapped at her pussy. Her fingers were already lubed from touching herself, so she went right for the tight little muscle between his cheeks, pressing lightly as she circled the rim, grinning to herself when she heard him curse under his breath, pushing back against her finger, seeking more stimulation.

She was in ecstasy, between her current view of him and his amazing tongue working on her, and tried hard not to whimper and moan out loud as she neared orgasm. When she felt one wet fingertip work its way lower between her legs, she pulled her knees up to her chest gently, hearing him whisper, “My good girl,” as he barely pushed the tip inside her ass, wiggling and swirling it gently as he started to suck on her clit with force, tugging and dragging it the way he knew would do her in.

Gigi clamped her lips shut as she came, to keep from crying out as she usually did, and she felt her hips roll and stutter as her powerful orgasm coursed through her. Eyes still closed, core still contracting, she grabbed Negan by the hair and pulled him up to kiss her with his wet lips, as she wrapped her legs around his back.

Grabbing her hip, he shifted her to line the head of his cock up with her opening, as she whispered, “Yes, yes, yes …” finally opening her eyes to smile up at him.

Negan smiled back at his spitfire as he slid inside her gently, pushing forward until he was surrounded by her magnificent fucking softness. _She feels like fucking heaven._ “This okay, Gigi?” he worried softly, concerned it might be too soon for her after the surgery, and she might be uncomfortable with him on top of her.

She smiled at his concern, nibbling his earlobe and then down his jawline before she whispered, “I’ve never been better, boss man. You feel amazing!”

Negan kissed her as he started to move, both his lips and his hips moving in a slow, sensual rhythm, as he savored the feel of the beautiful fucking marvel beneath him. He kissed her long and slow, listening to the sound of her muffled whimpers and sighs.

Gigi finally pulled her lips from his, moving them to his ear, murmuring, “I love you Negan. I’ve missed you so,” before she nibbled her way back to his mouth, running her lips across his cheek, and giving his face a little lick here and there to taste him.

“I love you, too, Gigi,” he replied, pulling back to look her in the eye. “I can’t even tell you how much I’ve fucking missed you.” Suddenly it didn't feel scary in the least she was the only woman who could make him happy, and the only woman who would ever feel this good beneath him. _Happy as a tick on a fat fucking dog..._

She pushed at his shoulder in a silent request for him to roll onto his back, but he shook his head, whispering against her lips,“No can do, bossy. We’re doing things my way, and I want you to lay back and enjoy.”

“You’ll get no argument from me, boss man,” she whispered back, truly relaxing, putting her arms up over head on the pillow and letting her legs fall where they may.

Negan felt her muscles go slack as she followed his command, letting him take the reins, letting herself go. She closed her eyes as he rolled his hips, thrusting into her. He listened carefully to her verbal response as he continued the motion, exaggerating it until he heard her moan and watched her clutch at the pillow at a certain point as he moved. Following her cues, he moved onto his knees and elbows over her so he’d have more freedom of movement, and rocked his hips to thrust in and out of her, dragging the top edge of his cock vertically along her clit, making her clutch the pillow harder.

Feeling her starting to move her hips in opposition to increase the friction, he admonished, “Uh, uh,” gently grabbing her face, splaying his fingers along her jawline and forcing her to look at him as he shook his head at her, adoring the serious and wide eyed look on her face as she nodded back at him. He continued to move his hips in an even bigger motion, listening as his girl gasped and hummed and even cried out as quietly as possible, as she looked him in the eye, the sounds barely discernible, even in the quiet room.

Gigi delighted in her boss man’s determined expression as he worked to please her, a sheen of perspiration starting to glow on his skin from his workout. The drag of his hard length along her clit was breathtaking, and she found herself staying absolutely still to focus on the sensations it elicited.

Pulling out of her suddenly, he pushed her legs together with his knees, trapping her thighs between his and holding them firmly in place as he grabbed his cock at the base and dipped it into the juncture between her thighs, angling it so he slid back inside her. He lowered himself down on her, putting his weight on his elbows and thighs as he moved in and out of her, his glutes and his quads doing all the work as he thrust in and out of her. He stopped long enough to move his hips higher on hers so the top of his cock once again dragged and pushed on her clit as he moved. He lay his head on the pillow beside her so he could see her expression as he worked.

His girl threw her head back when he picked up his speed again, and he cheered inwardly at her furrowed brow and the sound of her sharp but silent intakes of breath, and her whispered, “fuck, fuck, _fuck_.”

Gigi knew their current position was all about her, because she'd showed him, months ago, how dipping into her between her closed thighs concentrated the slide of his cock on her clit. It felt phenomenal for her, but the move kept him from pounding deeply into her for his own satisfaction, her good boy. She smiled to herself as he sped up even more, increasing the intensity of the sensations.

“Fuck, Negan, oh fuck!” she murmured in his ear as he moved, clutching his shoulders and his sides and his ass alternately as her hands roamed up and down his back. “What are you _doing_ to me?” she implored, absolute reverence in her tone. He kissed her hard, and she equalled his intensity as she dug her fingernails into him, grasping for purchase on his wet skin.

He raised himself up, peppering her face and her jawline with kisses and nibbles before he looked her in the eye, whispering oh so softly, an order which made her toes curl. “You’re gonna come for me again, Gigi. Now.”

She couldn’t hold in her whimper and it rang out loudly in the room as she nodded her head obediently, knowing he was right. She was so close.

“And you’re not ever gonna give me any reason to miss you again, right?” The boss man cocked an eyebrow at her, and rejoiced at the very serious shake of her head and a moan as he sped up his thrusts, dragging on her clit as he thrust down and into her shallowly.

“Kiss me, Gigi,” he demanded, because he more than fucking liked her taking control of their kiss earlier and he wanted her to do it again. Her head immediately rose from the pillow, her lips crashing into his in compliance as her hands gripped his face, tongue pushing aggressively between his lips to find its mate. Her kiss, and the shallow thrusts were a huge fucking tease for his cock, edging him towards a release he refused to have before his beautiful girl came one more time for him. Came for him twice, which she’d admitted she’d only ever done for him. “ _Fuck!_ Come for me, Gigi, come for me, baby, now! _Now!_ ” he growled before he dove back onto her lips.

It wasn’t as if she had a choice in the matter and Gigi cried out as she quaked with her second orgasm, impulsively biting his shoulder to muffle her cry. She forced her legs from between his suddenly and spread them wide, pulling them up for him to thrust deep and hard, reveling in the feel of him suddenly filling her.

“Fuck me, Gigi _... Goddamn_ !” Negan grunted at the pain, the force of her bite and his sudden plunges deep into her pussy, slamming him into an orgasm, the intensity of which caught him off guard. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ ” he swore in only half a whisper, unable to keep quiet himself as his hips jerked and stuttered.

He collapsed on top of her, breathless and sweaty, his head turned so his lips rested on the side of her neck, feeling her chest heave beneath him. They lay silently for a moment before he finally spoke, softly demanding, “Don't ever leave me again, Gigi.”

“Never,” she appeased him breathlessly, smiling at his request. “You’re stuck with me, lover.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic, new girl.” He lifted his head to kiss her softly, as the fingers of one hand dug teasingly into the underside of her ass to make her squirm and giggle.

The voice of one of the two tiny people in the bassinet across the room rose in protest of all the commotion in the bed, and then the other joined in, causing Negan to groan out a much less enthusiastic “Fuuuuck!” than he had minutes before as his spitfire giggled breathlessly while she wiggled halfway out from under him and grabbed her robe from the bedpost.

“It was fun while it lasted,” she quipped as she pushed him off her gently and began to roll out of bed, putting on the ugly pink garment. She gasped, startled, as his fingers wrapped around her thighs from behind, and Negan pulled her back down to sitting. He crawled up to sit next to her on the edge of the mattress, giving her one more sloppy kiss before he pushed her ass gently off the bed, and rolled over to search for his boxers on the floor so he could help her with the twins.

___________

At five thirty in the morning, Skinny Joe woke to the sound of a soft voice singing outside his open bedroom window at the townhouse. The voice was familiar and very comforting, and he’d heard it many times in the last six weeks at different times of day, when the babies were upset and Gigi was trying to calm them. Skinny loved to hear his friend sing, he surmised, just as much as the babies did, which was one of the many reasons why he loved being in Alexandria with her family. The feeling of being connected to someone other than Fat Joe, to people who had become a family to him, felt really good. He’d missed being part of a family since his mom had been killed.

Before Gigi had arrived at the Sanctuary, the place had a climate of every man for himself, and the people had been divided into cliques and groups who were forced together or apart by the prestige of their jobs. It had been like like living through his worst years of high school all over again, only with the daily possibility of being beaten to death by the softball coach. Then the little bad ass woman had arrived at the factory and rolled through the place with her good vibes and loving nature, and things had changed in a big way. Once she’d hooked up with Negan and he’d softened up a bit, and after the hard lines between the different factions within the walls had been wiped away, the factory finally felt like a home instead of a roof over his head.

Living in Alexandria with Gigi’s family, for the last several weeks was even better than the best times he’d experienced at the factory. The dynamic was a little less cozy when Negan was around but he actually wasn’t as bad as Skinny thought he would be. The man was much more likeable and more human, albeit still fairly cranky with him and Fat, within the walls of the townhouse. Skinny liked being a part of the family madness both without and with his grumpy boss thrown into the mix.

He pulled some pants up his legs and made his way to the front porch, where he found Stevie sitting on the concrete steps with a lit candle on the walkway in front of him. Gigi and Negan were both dressed in their sleeping attire, walking back and forth in front of the house, each bouncing a baby in their arms as their mother sang to them. Once Fat had sung to the babies outdoors in the middle of the night, it became a regular occurrence for him or their mother to walk the block singing. Since all of the other residents of the community lived in single family homes around the corner, no one was disturbed by the middle of the night song fests. Gigi liked it, since she was tired of looking at the same four walls as she paced with the babies, and Negan didn’t mind tagging along  when he was there, because it meant he had company now when he was trying to deal with a fussy baby. Misery fucking loves company, he’d told Skinny, and his company just happened to have a beautiful fucking singing voice.

The young man wasn’t fooled by Negan’s claims to be annoyed when the twins were anything less than happy. He was surprised to find his surly boss was a dedicated father, who couldn’t get enough of his two children, and seemed to be just as enamored of Stevie and Elena. Skinny had overheard the boss tell them at one point they were the best fucking things since sliced bread, just like their fucking mom. That’s when Skinny knew Negan was smitten with family life. When he’d caught Negan holding Katie in front of him one day, smothering her tiny face with kisses, he could only smirk as he turned to hurry out of the room when the leader caught him staring.

“I brought Lucille with me this weekend, Skinny!” the new father had threatened, trying to secure the younger man’s silence over what he’d seen. “You’re not fucking laughing, are you, Skinny Joseph?” his boss had called from the other room, using his full nickname as a mother would scold a child, using their first and middle names.

“No, sir,” Skinny had assured him.

“Good fucking thing!”

Stevie had heard the exchange, and he, Skinny, Elena and Fat had jokingly whispered in the kitchen, they were sure the babies’ first word was going to be “fuck”.

Gigi finished the song she was singing, and the minute there was silence, Red started to fuss in her arms. “It’s okay, baby boy. Mommy has another one for you. Always,” she cooed to him, then began to sing again.

 

_Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been,_

_Who I am,_

_Do I fit in._

_Make believin’ is hard alone,_

_Out here on my own._

_We’re always provin’ who we are,_

_Always reachin’_

_For that risin’ star._

_To guide me far_

_And shine me home,_

_Out here on my own._

_And when I’m down and feeling blue,_

_I close my eyes so I can be with you._

_Oh, baby be strong for me;_

_Baby belong to me._

_Help me through._

_Help me need you._

_Until the Morning sun appears_

_Making light_

_Of all my fears,_

_I dried the tears_

_I’ve never shown,_

_Out here on my own._

It was amazing, Skinny thought to himself as he listened to Gigi sing, her gaze shifting between the babies, Negan, Stevie and even himself, how the song was their story. It was all of their separate stories, which he knew varied greatly from person to person. Stories of how their world had been turned upside down when the apocalypse started a few years before.  Stories of losing everything, and sometimes everyone, important to them. Stories of feeling alone in the world, even if they had someone with whom to forge through the darkness. Stories of searching for something better, something manageable, something less frightening, something more normal, whatever normal was now. Searching for other people and a future in their ugly world.

Skinny knew every survivor’s story was heartbreaking, but also uplifting; hopeless, but inspiring. As he sat and watched his friends, or his family rather, walking two of the first generation born into the new world up and down the street in the breaking light of day, he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time; contentment and hope.

“Hey, Skinny! Make yourself useful and go get me a fucking cup of coffee!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Playlist- Out Here On My Own from the Fame soundtrack


	24. Shine Me Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gigi wasn't unhappy her girl had a crush on Skinny. Joe was a sweet young man. His laid back, agreeable demeanor offset Elena's hard charging, bossy one. They would be a match made in heaven.
> 
> “Don’t fucking kid yourself, Gigi! Something’s going on there. He smelled her hair, for fuck’s sake!” When his girl had chuckled at him, Negan emphasized his point by insisting, “I’m a guy, Gigi! I know this shit! He'll be trying to get into her fucking pants next! Just you wait!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting, my friends. Back to school and a new puppy have been keeping me busy!
> 
> Oh Dios Mio! - Oh My God!  
> Tu eres muy malo - You are very bad

 

When the babies were eight weeks old, Gigi and Negan packed themselves and all four children into and SUV on a sunny April morning in Alexandria and headed to the Sanctuary to live. The Josephs had been extra busy for the two previous weeks, ensuring all land within a few miles of their route was walker free for the cavalcade which would escort Negan’s new extended family for the one hour journey. The Joes had shaved two and a half hours off the length of the trip by clearing long standing traffic jams as Negan had ordered. The two men took the job very seriously since they were now considered part of Gigi’s family, after living at her townhouse for a good percentage of time over the previous two months. Gigi loved having the two young men in Alexandria with her family, but had confided in Negan, about two weeks into their shared custody of the Joes, she sometimes felt she had six children instead of four, since she often found herself separating Fat and Skinny due to their bickering, much to Elena’s amusement.

“Do you want me to knock their heads together?” Negan had offered, making his girl laugh because he was absolutely serious.

Stevie, being laid back like his father, just took it all in stride, adjusting to all the new people living in his space and his mother’s partner coming and going quite easily. Gigi was pleased Stevie had taken a shine to Negan, and she’d find them together on the deck talking about everything under the sun. Her son got a kick out of the boss man, because he’d never met anyone quite like him, and he was interested in what made the man tick. He also couldn’t help but respect the man for the care the leader had given his mother after he’d found her on the road.

Elena was adjusting to their new expanded family in her own way. She had gained two more big brothers and two baby siblings in a short period of time, and she couldn’t have been happier. She was keeping Negan at arm’s length, though, still miffed at how Daryl was treated while he was at the Sanctuary. Daryl wouldn’t tell Elena, or anyone else, what happened to him while he was gone, but the scrapes and bruises visible on is face when he’d returned from the factory put the teenager up in arms, and she was wary of her mom’s love interest.

Gigi couldn’t blame her daughter for her trepidation, and could only ask the teen to give Negan a chance. She was honest with her about the reasoning behind the Saviors decision to keep the hunter to question him. They had wanted to know if he’d come from a community which might be a future threat to Negan’s people.

Elena stewed about things for a few days, then came back to talk to her mother, admitting, “It would be easy to judge him, Mom, but his idea to strike first at a possible threat isn’t as out there as you’d think. Morgan ran into some of those W people out in the woods after we did, and refused to kill them even though they jumped him. They ended up attacking Alexandria and killing a lot of our people. Even if they weren’t obviously crazy, you never know these days, whether people are sizing you up to see what they can take from you. Rick talks about it all the time.”

Elena was civil to Negan, but not overly friendly, which was her typical way of dealing with new people. Gigi could see her daughter was trying to work out her feelings towards him, and she told the teen she would give her the space to do it, encouraging her to talk to Negan if she needed to clear the air. “I don’t know if he’d be so happy to talk to me. The first day he came to Alexandria I told him I thought he was an asshole for taking Daryl,” the girl confessed.

“Elena, really? Didn’t I teach you better?” her mother questioned her, disapproval in her voice, then after a quiet moment whispered, “I’ll tell you a secret, if you promise not to tell Negan.” When her daughter nodded, Gig leaned into her space to be sure no one would overhear and confessed, “He probably respects you, more than you would think, for calling it as you see it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. But you didn’t hear it from me,” her mom cautioned her.

____________

Plans had been made and reviewed several times before they were to be followed precisely on the day of the move. Eight military transport vehicles had been acquired from Fort Belvoir, south of Alexandria, and all eight vehicles were packed to the gills with people and weapons, ready to take on any walker or human who might threaten the well being of the big boss’s new family.

There was quite the celebration at Alexandria’s front gate, where his people waited for instruction, after Negan drove the loaded SUV towards the front of the community from the townhouse. Slug was the first person to spot his friend in the front passenger seat of the car when it was half a block from the gate, and he ran towards the SUV, jumping up to stand on the running board, holding on to the luggage rack on top of the car as they cruised slowly down the street. Gigi rolled the window down and grabbed onto the waistband of his jeans to keep him steady, her grin a mile wide on her face as she gave his waist an affectionate squeeze with her free hand.

Almost as soon as the vehicle stopped, Slug practically threw himself through the window to give his friend a long hug before crawling into the back seat, to give Stevie and Elena a hug and then ooh and ahh over Katie and say hi to Red. “I’m riding with you guys!” he informed them as he belted himself in between Red and Elena in the back row.

“Not happening, Slug! It’s not part of the plan!” Negan informed the young man with a scowl. “You are in vehicle one with the rest of your team!”

“One change? Just one? For me?” his girl pleaded, looking at the boss with big puppy dog eyes. “I need my Slug, Negan. It’s been so long!”

 _God damn it! I just can’t fucking say no to her!_ He conceded, warning her, “If everything goes to shit because we strayed from the plan, I get to say ‘I fucking told you so’!” Gigi hadn’t heard his dramatically indignant voice in a long time, and she couldn’t help but crawl half on top of him in the driver’s seat to kiss the frown off his grumpy face five times before she scrambled out of the SUV to reunite with the rest of her friends.

Negan gave them exactly one and a half minutes to fawn all the fuck over each other as he rolled his eyes at the squealing and cheering, before he bellowed out the car window, “Alright people! Let’s get the fuck rolling!”

“I guess the co captain is going to have to take over as head cheerleader, since Gigi's leaving,” Michonne teased Carol after they both gave the woman and her family hugs goodbye at the gate.

“Better go hunt up my pom poms,” Carol countered with a laugh.

___________

Apparently everyone at the Sanctuary was privy to the travel plans, even the timeline, because its entire population seemed to be waiting inside the gate when the convoy arrived. The residents of the community craned their necks as each truck passed through the gates, trying to catch a glimpse of who was inside.

“Wow, mom! Is all this for you?” Stevie questioned as they approached the gate, waiting their turn to pull slowly through the crowd of people.

“No, Stevie, I’m sure it’s not,” his mother replied, curious herself as to why there was such a gathering around the entrance gate.

“Don’t kid yourself, new girl. They sure as fuck aren’t here to welcome _me_ back,” Negan contradicted her.

Stevie’s question was answered when the truck in front of them cleared the gate, and the SUV started through the opening to the compound. Stan the Man spotted Gigi in the front passenger seat, and nudged Maria’s mom, who nudged Phil. They nudged Yvonne and the barber, and within seconds a cheer went up from the crowd, startling the babies awake and causing them to cry.

“Hush, ebryjuan! Maria’s mom admonished over the din, “Ju are making mi ninõ cry!” She pushed her way to the front of the crowd and to the door of the vehicle looking inside for the red headed baby she’d helped care for after he was born. She was shocked to find a baby with dark brown hair screaming at her from the seat closest to her. Glancing around the vehicle she took inventory, her eyes finally landing on Red in the backseat. He was being plucked from his carseat by Slug, who proceeded to bounce the wailing child soothingly.

“Oh, Dios Mío!” she exclaimed, both hands in the air with her fingers spread, as she realized why there were two babies in the car. “Mister Negan! Ju kep’ a big secret from Senõra Maria an' me! Tu eres muy malo!”

The quieted crowd behind the woman watched her outburst curiously as Negan chuckled in response to her upset, then as she opened the car door to retrieve the fussing Katie from her car seat. They didn’t understand the woman’s admonishment of their leader when she turned around to them with Negan’s baby in her arms, until Slug crawled out of the backseat with Red, to stand beside her. The implication of what the crowd was seeing finally dawned on them, and a collective hushed “Awwww” went up, causing Gigi to turn to Negan and laugh as he shook his head.

The four remaining people in the vehicle finally joined the melee outside the car, and were immediately surrounded. Hugs for Gigi and her two older children were plentiful as others congratulated Negan on his newest family member.

__________

Gigi had been pleasantly surprised to find Negan had renovated the apartment to accommodate their expanded family, two doorways cut through the back wall of the living area into empty offices behind it, creating two nurseries which had been decorated for the babies by Slug. The left hand wall of he main room had been opened, as well, to accommodate a double door, which opened into a new master bedroom. The main room still contained the original living room to the right which had been expanded by adding more seating, but now had a dining table and chairs where the bed used to be. Half of the large, original bathroom had been turned into a small kitchen, and a new master bathroom had been made out of a closet which had resided in the old office space which was now the master bedroom.

After their road trip and a welcome home party on the exchange floor, Gigi and Negan had put the babies to bed together in the crib one of the nurseries, not ready to separate them since they’d been sharing a bassinet in Alexandria. With all the day’s activity, their nap schedule had been thrown to the wind and they were miserable and exhausted when the couple had finally tried to put them to bed. It had taken fifteen minutes of soothing rubs from their forehead to their nose for them to finally fall asleep.

Gigi gave Slug the honor of showing Stevie and Elena their new rooms across the hall, and the young man blushed with delight at their praise for his decorating skills. Their mom wondered if the teens would want to stay in the apartment with her and Negan for a few nights until they got acclimated, but they both claimed they were okay with sleeping in their new spaces.

When all the children were settled for the night, Gigi walked back into the apartment to find Negan standing in the middle of the main room looking around as if he hadn’t seen the place before. “Taking one last look at your bachelor pad, boss man, before it fills up with babys’ cries and teenagers arguing?” she teased him. “It has to be a little overwhelming going from bachelor to family man overnight.” Things had moved so fast since they had reunited, and living in the chaos of her suddenly expanded family, she really hadn’t thought about what a radical change this would be for him. She was used to family life. She reveled in it. It would be a totally new experience for him, however. She wondered if he had any idea at all what he’d gotten himself into, since their weekends together with all the children were only a glimpse of life with babies and teenagers. The corner of her mouth turned up as she watched him, his eyes finally coming around to focus on her across the room.

His amazing fucking girl, seeing his thoughts, as she always had. He nodded at her solemnly, holding one hand out to beckon her. She immediately moved to take it, pressing herself into his side, her free hand rubbing soft circles beneath  his leather jacket, on his stomach. “Negan doesn’t get overwhelmed, new girl,” he informed her, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“I think Negan’s kidding himself on this one,” Gigi looked up at him with a smirk, as he chuckled into her hair.

___________

When the babies were five months old, their mommy begged the Josephs to take them for the night so she and daddy could take a break and spend some quality time together. Both little ones were teething and had kept their parents awake for hours at a time each night over the last week. Both Gigi and Negan were frazzled, and Negan was especially cranky he hadn’t gotten laid “in over a fucking week”. The Joes were more than happy to babysit overnight, and Stevie and Elena volunteered to help as well, if needed.

“You mean the Joes are keeping them all night?” Negan asked his girl incredulously, breaking into a grin. “ _All night?”_

“All night,” Gigi confirmed. “So we can do whatever we want …”

He groaned at the prospect. “Should we?” he jerked his chin toward the bedroom excitedly.

“God, yes. Right now!” she demanded, and they both took off towards the master bedroom, rushing into the bathroom. Negan picked up their toothbrushes and held them out as Gigi whipped the lid open on the toothpaste and painted a stripe of it on the bristles of each.

“This is gonna be so fucking good!” Negan groaned around his toothbrush as he brushed quickly, grabbing her ass with his free hand and kneading it roughly.

The sensation caused Gigi to pause in her brushing, panting, “It’ll be amazing, just because it’s been so long! Ooh, right there. That spot, Negan.”

He gave her ass a final squeeze, then moved to stand behind her, rubbing his groin into her as she spit and rinsed hurriedly, all while she ground back against him. Grabbing her shoulders gently, he pushed her top half to one side, hastily, leaning forward, around her, to spit and rinse. Not bothering with a towel, he swiped his mouth clean with his hand as he spun quickly and headed into the bedroom, shucking his jacket and tee shirt and dropping them on the floor as he moved.

“What time is it?” she called as she came into the bedroom. “The Joes are bringing them back around seven. Whenever they wake up for their first feeding.”

“We have twelve hours and fifteen minutes, darlin’. Let’s go!”

Negan chuckled as Gigi pushed her pants down her legs while she half walked, half hopped across the room, kicking them off and yanking her tank top over her head as she crawled onto the bed. They hurried to pull back the covers, both sets of hands flying, Negan dropping his pants on the floor in the middle of the action. They met in the middle of the king sized mattress on their knees, coming together for a kiss, running their hands over each other hungrily.

“I need this so fucking badly. We both do, new girl,” he surmised as he kissed his way down his girl’s neck. “It's been too long.”

Rushing to lay down, Gigi pulled her bossman to her for another kiss before she turned her back to him and wormed her way into all of the crevices of his form, pressing her back to his chest and threading her feet between his calves. “Fuuuuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. This is fucking _amazing!_ ” Negan sighed, wrapping his arms around her as he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of his girl, kissing the top of her head.

“Life altering,” she confirmed as she yawned, pulling his arm around to her belly and entwining her fingers with his. They both were asleep within minutes.

_________

When the twins were two and a half, Katie informed her mother at lunch one day she didn’t want any “fuckeen gween beans”, much to her mother's chagrin.

Subsequently, both Katie and Negan were punished with a time out. Katie spent two and a half minutes on the corner footstool with a fourth, gentle but firm reminder, “Just because daddy says it doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to say it”. Negan, on the other hand, spent twenty minutes on the couch after the toddlers were asleep for the night, listening to Gigi gently rant about how it would be a struggle to raise kind, intelligent, and articulate children when they both felt the word fuck was a normal part of everyone’s vocabulary. She was not amused in the least when he muttered “fuck it all” under his breath as she asked him to consider toning his language down in front of the babies until they were old enough to understand certain words and phrases were only for adult use, in an appropriate setting.

“I'm just asking you to tone it down around the twins, Negan. You can still curse and swear around the factory, and you can use your favorite word all you want when they're asleep … and in our bed,” she goaded him.

“Alright, alright! Are we done here?” he groused, dramatically.

“We’re done when I say we’re done, boss man,” Gigi teased him in a serious tone, dropping to straddle his lap and massage his junk through his pants, because he’d used his dramatically indignant tone with her and she needed to jump him.

“Well, I’m definitely not the boss right now, new girl,” Negan raised an eyebrow at her, then threw his head back on the couch cushion, enjoying the sensation of her working his cock.

“No, you’re not.”

"Fuck."

_________

When the twins turned five, Skinny Joe and Elena got married.

When Elena was seventeen, Negan came out of the stairwell on the floor of their apartment and caught the two of them in the hallway. Joe had obviously walked the teen back to her room after the Friday fiesta, and they were laughing about a drunk Old Man Daniels hitting on Big Momma. After a bit more benign chit chat, Elena threw her arms around Skinny Joe’s waist, holding him in a bear hug while she wished him goodnight. The leader watched as Skinny bent his head and fucking smelled Elena’s hair as she hugged him. While Joey watched Elena step into her room and close the door, Negan backed up into the stairwell, pretending to step into the hallway for the first time as Skinny approached. The young man looked damn fucking guilty and downright afraid when he caught sight of his boss, lowering his eyes and rushing past him to get to the stairs.

“It’s okay, Negan. It’s Skinny! He’s harmless. I’m sure it was just a hug,” Gigi tried to convince him, but even she didn’t believe her own line of BS. She knew men only smelled a woman’s hair when they were attracted to them, or if they wanted to find out if they were attracted to them. It was like an instinctual part of a mating ritual. Negan did it to her all the time, not even aware of his own actions, just as she would tuck her nose into the crook of his neck to breathe him in.

Gigi had noticed her daughter and Skinny Joe were naturally drawn to each other from the moment they’d met, but at the time Elena was only sixteen, and he was twenty two. Elena had followed the young man around like a smitten puppy, her mother had observed, and Skinny had always seemed happy to have the girl’s company.

She wasn't unhappy her girl had a crush on Skinny. Joe was a sweet young man. His laid back, agreeable demeanor offset Elena's hard charging, bossy one. They would be a match made in heaven.

“Don’t fucking kid yourself, Gigi! Something’s going on there. He smelled her hair, for fuck’s sake!” When his girl had chuckled at him, Negan emphasized his point by insisting, “I’m a guy, Gigi! I know this shit! He'll be trying to get into her fucking pants next! Just you wait!”

Luckily Skinny had seemed to be overly aware of the problem with their age difference, and Gigi was pleased he made sure he and Elena never spent time alone in either of their rooms, choosing to hang out in common areas of the factory with Fat Joe and other friends, or in her and Negan’s apartment. He always made sure to sit a respectable distance at the other end of the couch from her, or across from her. She had caught Elena a few times, though, sitting sideways on the couch, her feet resting on the outside of Joe’s thighs, poking or pushing him with her toes to emphasize what she was saying, or when she was teasing him.

Gigi had watched the two closely, and waited, and a few days before her daughter had turned eighteen, Skinny had knocked on the apartment door, asking if he could speak with her about something important. Of course, she knew, before he even started to speak, what he’d wanted to discuss.

“So you want to officially start seeing Elena since she’s turning eighteen?” she had preempted Skinny, taking pity on him after he’d stared at her, then looked away three times, in an attempt to get up the courage to speak, as he sat across from her at the dining room table. His face was a bright shade of red and there was a bit of perspiration on his upper lip.

Gigi was like family to him, and Joe hadn’t understood why he’d been so nervous about talking with her. “Yes!” he’d breathed out in a sigh of relief because she’d put the matter into words for him. “Wait, how’d you know?”

The surprised look on Joe’s face was priceless, and Gigi had chuckled as she’d responded, “Because I know both of you very well, Skinny, and I’d have to be blind to miss you two are crazy about each other.

“Really? But we haven’t… me and Elena ... we haven’t ...I haven’t even kissed her,” the young man had stammered, the last of his confession coming out in a whisper. 

“I know, Joe,” Gigi had cut across him with a chuckle, squeezing his hand. “I appreciate you waiting for her to turn eighteen to make things official.”

“I … wanted to ask you, because I thought it might look strange if we suddenly started seeing each other out of the blue.” Skinny had blushed as he continued, “Elena and I have talked about wanting to … spend time together … but we both knew we needed to wait until she was eighteen.”

“Afraid of what Negan would say?” Gigi raised one eyebrow at the young man, grinning at him.

“Petrified!” Skinny had confessed, his answer coming out in a gush of breath as he shook his head at the thought of the leader’s response.

“You don’t need to worry about Negan, Skinny. Leave him to me.”

“Thanks, Gigi!” Joey had gotten up to leave, stopping when she called his name.

“Skinny?” She’d pursed her lips in thought as she looked at him, “You two may want to steer clear of being seen together by our illustrious leader for a few days after I tell him about the two of you, while he gets used to the idea.”

_________

“You wanna fucking _what_?” had been Negan’s response when Skinny had asked the big boss three years later if he could have Elena’s hand in marriage.

“Marry her?” Skinny had responded, as if he wasn’t sure he was giving the correct answer. “I want to marry her, sir,” he’d stated.

“I don’t like this one fucking bit, Skinny!” his boss had shot a killer glare at the young man sitting at the other end of the conference table in the meeting room. Joe had asked to speak with the leader in private, and their current discussion was not something Negan had been expecting. The boss had been floored, and more than a little fucking pissed when he was the last to know Skinny and Elena had started dating when she turned eighteen, Gigi having told him, over and over, there was nothing  going on between them.

“You want to marry Mini?” He had started calling Elena “Mini” right after they’d met, telling her she was a mini version of her fucking spitfire of a mother. He had his girl, his mini girl, and his teeny girl, and he was crazy about all of them for different reasons.

He and Mini had hit if off like gangbusters, once she had she had given him a “raft of fucking shit”, Negan’s words to Gigi, about Daryl being kept against his will at the Sanctuary.

“You made him sit in a cell naked for a week? Who _does_ that?” she'd challenged him and he’d conceded it wasn’t Dwight’s finest moment, throwing the man under the bus, just to get on her good side.

Elena had quickly realized Negan was head over heels for her mother, which she appreciated, and she liked it she could curse as much as she wanted in front of him. She’d even thrown the f-bomb out in conversation a few times, and he hadn’t even blinked. Her mom, on the other hand was not so keen on her swearing.

Like her brother, what the teen really appreciated about the man was how he had helped her mom after the assholes had kidnapped her. Gigi had told her daughter how she probably wouldn’t have survived physically, or emotionally if Negan hadn’t picked her up on the road and taken her under his wing. What he had done had allowed the three of them to come back together. Elena had thanked Negan again, for saving her mom, one night over some of Maria’s mom’s nachos and guacamole. The two were having dinner together while her mom took the babies for a walk in the stroller to help lull them to sleep.

“It was easy to do, Elena. Your mom is a strong woman. Those bastards couldn’t break her spirit. She’s too fucking strong.”

The teen could hear the awe in his voice as he spoke about her mother, which she really admired. It was kinda cute. She was quiet for a minute as she looked at him, and she held Negan’s gaze as she asked him, “It was bad, wasn’t it? I saw some scars on her back when we were living in Alexandria together.” She motioned to the back of her own neck and shoulders as she spoke.

He was caught off guard by the question. He could find no reason to lie to her, but knew he didn’t want to give her details she shouldn’t hear. “Yeah, Elena, it was fucking awful,” he admitted softly, “But your mom came out of it on top. You don’t need to worry about her. I’ve always got her back now.”

The boss could see the tears which had formed in the teen's eyes as she licked some guac off her finger, staring at him once more before she confessed, “I heard you killed the one asshole who showed up here and attacked her again.” She was quiet again for a moment before she admitted, full of anger, “I hope you made it hurt.”

He simply nodded in response.

“Thanks, Negan.”

“Sure thing, kid,” he responded as he stole the last of the guacamole from the top of her pile of chips.

“Well, now you’re just pushing it,” she admonished, laughing.

____________

“Does that mean you’re saying no?” The upset in Skinny’s voice over the possibility Negan wouldn’t be on board with the marriage was clear as he rubbed at a spot on the table top front of him with one fingertip, unable to look the leader in the eye. “I thought I should come to you first,” Joe informed his boss with conviction, just as Gigi had prompted him to do. “Because I know, ultimately, it’s your decision.”

“Feed his ego,” his soon to be mother in law had advised the young man, “You want him to feel like he has the power.”

Negan stared at him long and hard, swiping his tongue between his teeth as he squinted at Skinny. “Did Gigi tell you to say that?” he smirked. “Or was it Elena?”

“Tell me to say what?” Skinny tried to keep his game face on for several seconds before he shook his head, confessing, “I can’t tell you which _one!_ You know you can be scary, sir, but those two? _Together?_ They are even scarier!”

Negan laughed out loud, exclaiming, “Welcome to the fucking family, Joseph!” as he slapped him on the back hard enough to make him flinch.

_____________

“You could make an honest woman out of mom, you know, Negan,” Elena prodded him as he fastened a string of pearls around her neck in the apartment, before he walked her down the aisle on the day of the wedding. The pink pearls belonged to Maria’s mom, who had been wearing them when the world turned because they were a wedding gift from her husband, and she’d never taken them off since her wedding day, thirty six years before. She offered them to Elena to be her “something borrowed”.

“You’re talking to the wrong parent, Elena,” Negan reminded her, “Your mom says she doesn’t need a fancy ceremony to know she’s mine for life.”

“You know she just says that because she thinks you’d cringe at the idea of a wedding in front of a bunch of people.”

“I know. Your mom is pretty fucking cool that way,” Negan smiled at how Gigi knew him so well. Elena made a good point, though. His girl probably had put aside her desire to cement their relationship officially, because she knew he wouldn’t want the fanfare.

Skinny and Elena were married in a simple ceremony in the flower garden in the courtyard between the factory and warehouse two. Strings of white lights and yards of tulle were plentiful, with Slug overseeing the decorations. The bride to be had originally planned something small and intimate, but when Skinny had confided in Negan he wanted to make the day special, because Elena had told him she’d dreamed of a big wedding before the world had ended, the leader had marched into her room and insisted she plan the wedding of her dreams. They’d decided on a compromise, because a lavish wedding seemed inappropriate given the state of the world. There would be lots of people, invited to a simple affair. The bride and groom wanted to be surrounded by everyone they loved, and they couldn’t imagine leaving anyone at the factory off of their list of invitees. All two hundred fifty four residents of the Sanctuary were invited to the event, along with Daryl, Carol and other select members of Alexandria, the Kingdom, Hilltop, Fairfax, Bellhaven and McLean. “We’re fostering friendly relationships,” Gigi had explained, smirking, when Negan had complained about the number of people invited to the wedding, using the phrase he’d hated from the first time she’d said it, years before.

“Well they better fucking bring their own bottles. I know both Hilltop and McLean have stills, and that goofy ass Zeke over at the Kingdom has someone making wine for him,” Negan had grumbled. “We’re getting low on alcohol, and I’m not sharing my bourbon and wine stash with three hundred and twelve fucking people!”

The self proclaimed king ended up coming through for them, riding through the gates on the bench of a horse drawn carriage, several barrels of wine in its bed.”You’re a fucking freak, Ezekiel, but you’re alright!” Negan had thanked the man, making him laugh.

Gigi had already walked down the aisle when Negan and Elena arrived at the edge of the courtyard and walked through the fragrant, wild flower covered arch at the beginning of the aisle. The ceremony started right after sundown, the lights and other well placed decorations turning the courtyard into a veritable wonderland which helped everyone forget the ugly world outside the now hidden fences. Slug and Skinny had spent three days running wire and small, bare bulbs at different heights between the buildings and over the area. The wiring was deliberately hung high enough so it would be invisible in the dark. Once the sun went down, the courtyard looked like it was filled with a few hundred fireflies, lighting the ceremony beautifully.

Negan had hoped for some last minute encouragement from his spitfire before he walked Elena down the aisle, but he hadn’t seen her since she’d left the apartment first thing in the morning to check on the decorations and food prep for the reception. He was mesmerized when he finally spotted Gigi standing by Father Gabriel, as he and the bride started up the aisle. Being slightly biased, he couldn’t help but think the maid of honor outshone even the stunning bride on his arm. His girl wore a simple, figure hugging cream colored dress with spaghetti straps, very similar to Mini’s, and for the first time in their history, Gigi’s hair was done in some fancy fucking style, with some sort of twisty hair thing at the nape of her long slender neck. She wore makeup for the first time in years, and her glitter and gold dust swirled all the fuck around her as she met his eyes and her fucking soul smiled at him across the courtyard. _I need to fuck her._

The sight of her boss man walking down the aisle took Gigi’s breath away. He was clean shaven for a change, wearing a simple white dress shirt, a black tie and black pants, just as the groom and the other groomsman wore, and he was the handsomest man in the courtyard. She couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like for she and her boss man to get married in a ceremony in front of their friends. The thought seemed frivolous, given their age, and the fact they already had two children together, but a girl could dream.  

He gave her a wink as he and the bride approached the officiate and she returned it and blew him a kiss. She got a little misty when he leaned in to kiss Elena on the cheek before he moved to stand next to Skinny and Fat, and the bride pulled him in for a very affectionate hug, affirming, “Thank you, Dad, for everything you’ve been to all of us over the last five years.” It was the first time his mini girl had called him “Dad” in front of other people.

Gigi and Stevie stood up for Elena, while Fat Joe and Negan stood for Skinny in a quick, simple ceremony overseen by Father Gabriel from Alexandria. Katie and Red sat with Liz and Slug in the front row. Skinny kissed his bride, running with her down the aisle and into the factory to have a minute to themselves before the festivities began.

The big boss couldn’t help but give Gigi a “Wow!’ as she practically floated towards him to walk back down the aisle. Gigi motioned for Fat and Stevie to go ahead of them, as well as the front rows of guests, and the crowd proceeded to head to the other side of the courtyard to get started with the food and drink. She took a minute to show off her dress, turning herself for him so he could see her from all sides.

When his girl did her graceful three sixty right in front of him, Negan’s chest suddenly constricted so tightly he had to work to catch his breath. He hadn’t even fucking thought about her back. Her dress left most of it bare, the fabric draped and hanging in a U at a respectable spot above her ass, up to her spaghetti straps. Almost all of the portrait on her back was exposed for him, and everyone else to see. She had walked down the aisle, on her own, his brave fucking spitfire, leaving everyone in attendance wondering about the story behind the artwork on her skin. Its redness had faded with time, and the lines were now white instead of angry red and pink, but the picture of the majestic lion was just as clear as it had always been.

“It was all or nothing,” Gigi explained softly, interrupting Negan’s thoughts. “It didn’t work to wear something cut straight across the shoulder blades because two thirds of the portrait was cut off.” He could see her worry about the decision in her eyes as she shared her reasoning, “Elena encouraged me to have Maria’s mom alter the back this way …”

His girl stopped talking when he started to circle her, taking her in one more time, running the pad of his index finger softly down her spine as he admired the stunning, fierce, fucking amazing warrior in front of him. _I’ve been such a stupid, fucking self absorbed prick._ “Marry me,” he commanded suddenly, when he was back in front of her, his voice thick with emotion. “ _My_ lion-hearted girl. _Mine_. Marry me. Be my wife, Gigi. My _real_ wife.”

She was tempted to shake her head and laugh him off, assuming he was teasing her, knowing how he felt about weddings, but when she looked back up into his eyes, she saw nothing but earnest devotion.

“We don't need three hundred and twelve people. Just you and me, and the kids,” he offered quietly, after reading her question of his sincerity in the furrow between her brows. “And Slug, and Liz. Oh, and Simon.”

She quiet for a moment before she gave him small smile, “We have to include Skinny, since he's now officially one of the kids, and Fat. And we need to invite Maria’s mom. She’s done so much for us.” Gigi took a step into him, grazing her lips across his before she finally responded to his demand. “Yes, please,  Negan. I’ll marry you.”

___________

One week later, Stan the Man officiated over an intimate ceremony for the leader of the Sanctuary and the petite commander, since he’d gotten ordained online before the turn to perform his brother’s wedding. Negan thought Stan the man would be better than “some fucking holy roller” coming in to do the job, missing tooth or not.  There were only eleven people in attendance other than the bride and groom. They’d added Phil to the guest list, since he and Maria’s mom were practically married themselves.

Gigi wore the same dress from Elena’s wedding, at Negan’s insistence, along with Maria’s mom’s pearls, the braided yarn bracelet Elena had left for her at the tree years ago. She also had a scrap of cloth from an old pair of Negan's navy blue boxer briefs tucked into her thong. Negan wore his ensemble from Mini’s wedding.

When the vows were finished, Gigi revealed two rings, made out of the gold of the thick band she had removed from her thumb and put in her nightstand drawer a few years before. Her first husband’s wedding ring had been her grandfather’s, resized to fit. The Hilltop’s blacksmith, Neil, had fashioned the gold into a very thin, delicate band for Gigi, and a thicker more masculine band for Negan. Since so much of their past had been lost when the world ended, she was glad to have something of her heritage to symbolize their commitment, and she and Negan talked of passing the rings to Stevie or the little ones one day.

__________

“We have one week, new girl!” he called from the bedroom as he pulled down the covers of their bed, even though it was only four in the afternoon. “Not only do Stevie and Arat have the twins at their place for the week, I told Simon if anyone so much as breathes in the direction of our apartment door, other than people delivering breakfast, lunch and dinner, they’ll be thrown in a cell and then put on fence duty for life! I’m not fucking kidding. We’re going to spend our whole fucking honeymoon in this fucking bed, _fucking!_ ”

“Sounds divine, boss man!” Gigi called back, laughing at his enthusiasm, her cream colored dress flying through the bathroom doorway to land next to his feet, much to his delight. He was even more delighted when his wife appeared a moment later, in nothing but a lacy thong and a pair of awesome fucking strappy high heels which screamed, _“Fuck me, boss man!”_ for only his ears to hear.

“Ooh, baby! Come to daddy!” Pinning her to the wall next to the door frame with his hips, Negan started the week’s festivities by demanding Gigi put her hands over her head on the wall, and spread her feet apart on the floor before he teased the holy fuck out of his hot, new wife for over an hour, and played with her until she wailed his name as she came.

____________

On day two of his honeymoon, Gigi presented Negan with a token of her appreciation for her fan-fucking-tastic wedding night, which had been all about her pleasure. Negan unwrapped the gift to find a glass jar he recognized as one of the herb lady’s, inside of which was solidified coconut oil. Solidified oil which would melt when it was rubbed on, or placed inside hot body parts. The sight and smell of it was like a shot of adrenaline for his dick.

 _Coconut lube. Better than spit could ever fucking be._ If Negan had ever done a fucking happy dance in his life, it had been over the coconut oil Gigi used as lube. Amazing, fucking magical, earth shattering shit happen to his prostate when she got coconut oil from Peggy. The herb lady struggled to grow palm trees in their climate, even in the Sanctuary’s vast greenhouse, but she managed to harvest a few nuts here and there, and a few times a year she produced some oil for the boss, knowing he liked the taste of it in certain dishes. _Right. Yeah. That’s what it’s about, the fucking flavor. Not the fuck at all._ Gigi had simply told Peggy the little white lie to ensure the small amount of oil the woman could press from the fruit was set aside for the big boss, and his girl made sure to reward Peggy with special privileges in return.

“So, _husband_ , do you remember what we talked about doing the next time we had some coconut oil?” Gigi murmured against his lips as she started to fondle his cock.

“Ahh, fuck, woman! Really?” he looked like a kid in a candy shop, wide eyes and an expression of pure joy on his face as he recalled their discussion a few months before. He gave her a head to toe shudder which, for the first time, wasn’t contrived, and kissed her hard and dirty before recalling in a hopeful voice, “You're going to let Little Negan become besties with your ass?”

Gigi laughed out loud at both his words and the precious, excited, yet slightly lecherous expression on his face. “I don’t know about besties,” she replied. “Maybe more like like friends who adore each other, but only have the chance to visit occasionally?” She laughed at her own analogy, and the disappointed look on his face, while she put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him to his knees. Turning her back to him, she bent over in front of him, commanding, “Get that magic tongue of yours moving, boss man. It’s going to take _a lot_ of prep work on your part, to make this happen."

“Small fucking price to pay, new girl,” he lamented dramatically, kneading her cheeks as he pulled her ass to his lips. “I’m definitely up to the task, because the payout is going to be fucking _huge_!” He placed the jar of oil on edge of the dresser top within reach, and then changed his mind, moving it to the floor next to his knee.

“We won’t need that quite yet, love,” she corrected him with a smirk.

“Oh, I know,” he answered her earnestly, putting his broad hand over the top of the jar protectively, “I’m just not taking any chances with it, Gigi. This shit’s better than fucking gold!” She laughed at him again as he wrinkled his nose at her, and gave her another shiver before he dove into his assigned task, snaking his tongue between her cheeks and rimming her, taking her breath away.

__________

First thing in the morning on day three, as he lay in bed next to his spitfire, the big boss radioed Simon to let the second in command know he was extending his honeymoon for another week. He dropped the walkie on the floor when he was finished, rolling Gigi onto her stomach and sliding his coconut scented, freshly lubed cock into her pussy before she knew what was happening, grinning when she moaned with pleasure. _Fuck foreplay._

__________

Maria confided in her mother with a giggle, a disheveled and half undressed Negan was the only one who answered the apartment door for the entire two weeks when she delivered the newlywed’s meals three times each day, though she did hear Gigi calling out her thanks from somewhere in the apartment. Their honeymoon must be very romantic, she informed her mother, because she could smell pina colada scented candles wafting into the hallway every time the big boss opened the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts on the chapter would be appreciated my lovelies. There wasn't much response to the last chapter, which leads me to think you guys aren't crazy about the direction I'm moving our Negan and Gigi? 
> 
> I've started a new story, Thelma and Louise, which I'm reeaallly getting a kick out of. I'll be working on it slowly, as I finish this story up. Take a peek? https://archiveofourown.org/works/16146197


	25. Coming Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A message for my patient readers!

I posted this message as a new chapter, because I thought it was the best way to let you know I am working diligently on the next chapter of the story, but I am struggling with some of the action and timing. Please don't give up on me! I know this is the longest I've gone without posting, but know I am doing my best and will post as soon as I feel the chapter is worthy of your time. 

Thanks for your patience with the delay!  
XO,  
Cheryl


	26. Baby Be Strong For Me, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was horribly fucking wrong. The boss man could see it as his girl tried to push up to her hands and knees the second the weight was removed from her back. She promptly collapsed and fell towards her right shoulder, like an animal with an injured front leg. Grunting in pain she sat back on her knees, raising her right hand to look at it. Two of her fingers were bloody as well as her palm, the digits almost severed from her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Six weeks, people! I stressed over this chapter for six weeks. I'll let you read it, and then tell you the story of my angst at the end of the chapter. Thanks to all of you for your patience in waiting for this update. 
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you, to the fabulous Noexceptions for her help with this chapter! I was so roadblocked, and her read and review of the chapter helped me to move forward with it.
> 
> I will just say that most of this chapter was written before the new TWD season started.

When the leader of the Sanctuary was fifty-four, he realized his life had only really fucking begun when he met Gigi, and then it kicked up several notches more when he had a big, fat, crazy, happy fucking family with her.

Negan’s teeny girl was hard charging like her father. She was both cuddly and ruthless all rolled into a tornado of energy which tore around the factory, leaving chaos in her wake.  Her moxie and charm were beyond her years. Negan found it absolutely fan-fucking-tastic she took after him with her razor-sharp tongue, and her attitude could take over a room when she entered it. Luckily, people were smitten with the trail of multi-colored glitter which chased behind her long brown curls everywhere she went because she had just enough Gigi in her to make her lovable and amusing instead of obnoxious. She could bat her eyelashes at any man or woman at the factory and bend them to her will, and she was so smooth while doing it, they would almost be startled to find they’d been had, once the tornado left the area.

“I swear to God, Gigi, she’s just like Scarlett O’Hara! Just as fucking beautiful, and she’s sweet when she needs to be, but relentless when she wants to get her way,” Negan boasted to his wife when his teeny girl was six. “And don't fucking piss her off!” he laughed, shaking his head. “Nicky was teasing her the other day, and the little asshole was lucky I caught her on the back swing of her bat or he would’ve lost his fucking knee cap!”

Katie had insisted, for her fifth birthday, she wanted a bat just like her daddy’s, so of course daddy had made it happen. One of the factory’s woodworkers had crafted a small one specially for his daughter, complete with fairies and ponies carved into the handle, as she'd requested. She had let Negan know, in no uncertain terms, she wasn’t happy her bat was missing the barbed wire like her daddy’s Lucille. He had placated his teeny by telling her when she was in charge of the factory one day, she could have barbed wire on her bat, too.

Gigi was shocked when she found her daughter in the Sanctuary’s chicken coop one afternoon, playing eenie meenie minie mo with the birds, telling her mother she was picking one for Maria’s mom to cook for dinner. Much to Gigi’s relief, her daughter informed her she was just choosing the chicken for “Miss Maria’s Mom”, and wasn’t planning on hurting it. Even so, Mommy spent quite a bit of time wondering whether she should be worried her daughter was a bit callous about the bird’s death, when Red would have been heartbroken his friends were going to be served for dinner. Maria’s mom reassured Gigi by sharing the fact she had helped her own mother catch, kill and pluck the chickens which ran free on their property in Mexico, from a young age. It was simply the way things were done when you raised your own food.

While Katie was very black and white in her thinking, and needed everyone to follow the rules, including herself, Red was a free spirited, imaginative child. As toddlers, Katie had stacked her blocks methodically to create precise buildings and towns when she had played, while Red was an artist, creating pictures with combinations of chaotically placed blocks and toys. His lack of structure made his sister mad, and she frequently spent minutes on the time out chair for kicking her brother's masterpieces over and yelling at him for “doing it wrong”.   

At seven, Red was kind, loving, and sharp as a whip, but also a bit goofy like his biological mother. Despite his good natured personality, on the rare occasions when Katie’s goading would make him angry, a temper to rival his father’s would flare. Negan marveled at how his boy would sometimes hold in his upset, letting it fester for a few days before he would sideswipe Katie, out of the blue. She’d never see it coming. When it happened, both children would run to their father for comfort, because they knew he’d be easier on them than their mother. Mommy had no patience for their fighting. Katie would cry to Daddy at the injustice of being wronged, and Red would cry to him because he felt bad for being mean to his sister.

Gigi was raising their children to value peace and love, while Negan felt there was little place for idealism in their harsh world. He wanted his children to be prepared to fight the enemy or the dead if needed, and he wanted them to have no regrets about doing it.

“I hear what you are saying, Negan,” his wife reasoned, “but look at Stevie and Elena. They are prepared to defend themselves and those around them at the drop of the hat, but they are also well adjusted young adults. Can you please trust me when I ask you to temper the eye for an eye education you are giving them?” She smirked at him as he frowned at her, turning to leave the room without giving her an answer.

Negan wanted to have a good reason to ignore his wife, but he had to admit she’d done a great fucking job raising her first two children. They were both forces to be reckoned with individually, or as a team, intellectually or in battle, while also loving and charming in their radically different ways. What really swayed him to consider, for exactly eleven seconds, his wife’s way of thinking was Gigi was the perfect example of what she was trying to teach her children. She was loving and kind, yet there was no question she could put down any fucker who threatened her family, her friends, or her home.

“Our boy’s bursts of anger aren’t a good thing, Negan,” Gigi reminded her husband when he related to her, with more than a bit of awe in his voice, the story of how eight year old Red had taken Katie down when they were riding their bikes around the compound. Their father happened to be on the loading dock when it happened, and he’d watched as the two had ridden towards each other across the pavement. At the last minute Red threw his arm out to the side of his shoulder, hitting his sister in the neck and knocking her and her bike over onto the ground.

“He said he did it because she kicked him the other day. It’s like he lets this shit fester while he plots his revenge. I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“Really? I can’t _imagine_ such a thing, Negan,” Gigi countered dramatically. _He can’t be that clueless, can he?_   "I’ll talk to Red this time,” his pistol informed him. “I don't want you telling him again, Katie deserved what she got.”  

When Katie complained to her daddy about how Red had knocked her off her bike, her father remembered Gigi’s words, and shifted his usual response. Just a little bit. Normally, after he would dramatically commiserate with her upset, he would tell her to suck it up because she deserved what she got. “How many times did you hit Red this week, darlin’?” Negan challenged Katie instead, after the bike incident. When his teeny looked up at him with a pout, he reminded her as he wiped away her crocodile tears with his thumb, “You get what you give, Katie, and since you’ve hit him a handful of fu ... times this week, you might very well get back a few more. If you give nice, you get nice. Can you try a little harder to be nice to your brother? For me?” He played his ace, knowing she lived for his approval, which he absolutely fucking adored about her.

His teeny girl batted her eyelashes at her daddy, informing him earnestly, “I’ll try, daddy. Jus’ for you,” as a blizzard of glitter swirled in the air around her.

Despite their typical sibling squabbling, Red and Katie were fiercely protective of each other. Unbeknownst to Gigi, when Red had snuck up on Yvonne and Keno’s little boy two days after he’d pushed Katie, and hauled off and punched him in the ear, Negan gave his son a high five, telling him, “You always protect family, no matter what it costs you.” He was tickled later, when Red confided proudly, he would trade his blue bicycle to save Katie.

_________

When Katie and Red were eleven, their mother was bitten by a walker as she tried to save Stevie’s life.

After fifteen years of living in the factory, and the addition of a few hundred residents, Negan finally decided to act on the housing committee’s frequent discussions with him about whether they needed to find a community close by to move some of the Sanctuary’s residents. They were definitely feeling the effects of overcrowding, and they needed more land to plant crops and raise livestock. The horses and other livestock they had been raising over the last decade had limited space to roam, and their harvests over the last few years had become just enough to feed their residents. Luckily the number of communities they traded goods with had expanded and they could trade for enough food to feed everyone comfortably, but there was always a sense the Sanctuary needed to become totally self-sufficient to ensure a stable future. Times and circumstances had changed, and walkers were few in the area thanks to the Savior’s redirect efforts, so it made sense to start looking further into the future instead of only looking at how to survive the next year or two.

On a sunny spring day, Negan, and his second and third in command, Simon and Stevie, decided to take a road trip to scout out possible locations for space to expand. Their existing outposts were strictly functional, not cozy in the least, and Gigi had been pestering her husband for several years to consider how they might upgrade the properties or move altogether, so people felt like they had _homes_ , not just places to work and sleep. The factory now had the feel of a massive apartment building, Negan having okayed, years before, using the upper floor offices, production, and finishing rooms to house residents. They had also turned warehouses three and four into living space, sectioning off apartments for families to reside. They were still sharing common eating and bathroom facilities, but it was definitely better than the roped off areas on the exchange floor. Long time residents cheered the day the curtains delineating the cubicles had been torn down to expand the marketplace, feeling like their new apartments on the upper floors were a new and exciting beginning.

Gigi and Elena decided to go with Negan, Simon, Stevie and a handful of the Special Ops team to scout for a new location to move residents, wanting to add female perspective about what would constitute a good location for families to live. Negan rolled his eyes at the idea he and his cohorts weren’t capable of scouting out a good location. In return, Gigi and Mini raised an eyebrow and cocked their heads at him for questioning their desire to help, and three minutes later the whole crew was headed down the road in an ethanol fueled truck, Gigi and Elena sitting in the cab with Negan, who was driving.

They were only ten miles out from the factory when they came upon a group of walkers meandering across the road in front of their truck. There were less than a dozen bodies, Negan counted before announcing  to his girls, “I’ll get Tay and Slug out there to take care of them,” as he raised his fist to rap on the rear window of the truck to get the team’s attention in the bed.

“Nah,” Elena responded after conferring with her mother with only a raised eyebrow and a nod in return. “We’ve got this.”

Gigi threw open the door to the truck, hopping out as she called for Stevie, the deliberately soft sound of a perfect whip-poor-will call prompting him to jump out of the back of the truck immediately, to join his mother and sister as they moved toward the group of corpses. The three obviously felt the job would be a walk in the park, hand signing jokes and laughing as they walked.

Negan smirked as she watched the three move into position, his wife in center, moving straight ahead as her kids moved to the left and right to come at the small group from the sides, picking up the pace so they would all hit their first victim at the same time. When the three of them teamed up, they always moved as a unit, keeping up with each other so they would be in place to cover each other, if needed. They worked with no sense of urgency. They never did, unless the number of dead were a threat in itself, mother having taught her children, a hurried hand is a sloppy hand. They weren’t afraid of the dead, Gigi had told her husband. The walkers were simply adversaries in a game of strategy. As they worked, they kept an eye on each other and jumped in to help if things got hairy. So in sync with each other, after years of practice, they could anticipate each other’s moves, and easily backed each other up.

For this small assault they positioned themselves at ten o’clock, six and two around the cluster, to work towards the center of the group. Gigi took down the first corpse with her tri blade, then the next, her arm flashing forward from her shoulder to pierce through the side of the softened skulls of the rotted bodies directly in front of her. Elena took out one, then a second, with her knucklebuster under the jaw straight up into the brain. It was her signature move she’d had to perfect because she was usually shorter than even the smallest adult sized walkers. Stevie, in the meantime, shoved back one of three dead ones, going at the other two with a knife into the eye of one, then the other.

Negan shook his head, chuckling at their perfect choreography, watching as Gigi kicked out her left leg to drop a walker which was moving towards her daughter too quickly as Mini put down her first two corpses. Mother stomped downward on the back of the dead one’s calf with the heel of her boot, dislocating its time softened shin from its knee as it broke, causing the threat to drop away from Elena. When the walker toppled, however, it rebounded off another dead one and catapulted into the back of the walker Stevie was lining up to stab in the eye. Her son’s target jerked forward, hurtling towards him with gnashing teeth, its weight knocking Stevie backwards. His step father tensed at the sight, throwing himself into the driver’s side door to shove it open. He hit pavement running as Stevie hit the ground, the walker coming down on his chest as he lay prone.

As his back and upper arms hit the ground, a bolt of electric pain shot up Stevie’s arm from his elbow to his fingers, the jolt to one of his nerves numbing his hand and causing it to release the knife in his grip. It flew across the pavement at his side, coming to a stop beyond his reach.

Momma bear could see the fall had knocked the wind out of her son, and he struggled to catch his breath as the corpse on top of him dove at him, teeth biting and clacking at the air in front of his face as he lost his weapon. Another walker, honing in on the struggling prey on the ground, fell to its knees on the pavement at Stevie’s side, opposite Gigi, trapping her son’s arm under its weight on the ground. Stevie had his one free hand on the forehead of the attacker on top of him, trying to keep its teeth from tearing into him, but the corpse’s flesh was peeling off under his palm, causing the rotten skin and his own hand to slide upward on its head.

Though Gigi felt like she was moving in slow motion as she dropped to her knees at Stevie’s side, the frightening scene in front of her had played out in a matter of seconds. Gigi dove forward when the walker on top of Stevie was a mere inch from taking a bite out of her son, wedging the forearm which held her tri blade, under the corpse’s neck to stop its downward momentum. She unsheathed her bowie knife with her left hand, as her son’s hand slid up the creature’s skull, but her position was now awkward, and she was afraid to shove it into the side of walker’s head, fearing it would fall forward, allowing its teeth to scrape Stevie’s skin.

She looked for Elena for possible help, but spotted her girl working on taking out the last three walkers on her own. She knew she needed to put down walker number two with enough force to shove it backwards so there would be no chance it would fall into the first and push its bared teeth into her son. It wouldn’t be easy to do, since the second creature was bent forward at the waist in an attempt to get to Stevie. It was also so close she may not have room to work up the needed powerful swing of her arm.

She gripped her Bowie knife in her left hand, as close to the blade as possible. She hoped if she drove the blade in with enough force, the outside of her fist would act as the punch she needed in order to drive the walker backward. She swung with all her might, twisting her torso as much as she could to help gain the force to drive the blade home, pushing with every bit of her strength as the knife embedded up under the jaw, and into its brain.

She grunted in frustration as she realized her fear was well-founded. She hadn’t had the force needed to push the rotten body backwards. It collapsed to the side, falling on the lower back of the walker on top of Stevie, causing its torso to initially bounce upwards slightly before plummeting downward towards her son’s face while he continued to ineffectually grasp for purchase against its forehead.

After roamer number two fell on Stevie’s attacker, one of the few roamers still standing tripped over the limbs on the ground. Another dropped to its knees in an effort to get to its next meal. There was now a pile of both live and dead bodies on the ground, making it impossible for Negan to see if his girl and Stevie were okay. “ _Fucking, goddamn fuckers!_ ” Negan approached the deadly group sprinting, taking out two walkers with Lucille, swinging so hard the walkers’ feet left the ground as they flew to the side.

Quickly eyeing the heap of bodies on the ground for signs of movement, he started grabbing the stilled corpses one by one and throwing them to the side, trying to get to his wife and step son. Having taken out the last of the roamers, Elena ran to his aid, helping to pull dead bodies off of her family as the two living tried to squirm their way out from under the weight on top of them.

Something was horribly fucking wrong. The boss man could see it as his girl tried to push up to her hands and knees the second the weight was removed from her back. She promptly collapsed and fell towards her right shoulder, like an animal with an injured front leg. Grunting in pain she sat back on her knees, raising her right hand to look at it. Two of her fingers were bloody as well as her palm, the digits almost severed from her hand.

“Jesus, new girl! _Fuck!_ ” Negan squatted beside her, wrapping his arms around his spitfire, feeling her shake as he pulled her close to him. He grasped her injured arm gently with his fingers and survey ed the damage to her hand. _This is not fucking happening. Not to my girl._

Gigi’s pain was excruciating. She had felt the walker’s bite, even though she hadn’t seen it happen, when she was trapped in between the corpses. She was surprisingly calm, looking at Elena and ordering between teeth which were starting to chatter from shock, “Get Keno. We’ll need his axe.” She knew it would be the best weapon to sever bone with one blow. The conflict and anger in Negan’s eyes, as he realized why she was asking for an axe, was heartbreaking.

She rested her weight on him, starting to feel weak in the knees, reaching up to cup the side of his face, grounding him with a look into his eyes and her words, as she clutched at his chin, pushing out reassurance in between grunts of pain, “I’ll be fine, boss man, but I need your strength right now.” She blew out a breath as the gravity of her situation hit her full force. She could only hope she was right.

Gigi wasn't sure if her husband dropped to his knees at that moment to position her for what was coming, or whether he dropped in a moment of pure emotional turmoil, but either way her words startled him into action, as he suddenly realized time was of the essence.

What happened next all ran together for her, sounds and sights pulsing and surreal as orders were shouted; her husband positioning himself on his knees beside her shoulders as he lowered her to her back on the ground; the sound of Elena using Keno’s call sound to summon him; Gigi’s focus honing in on Negan’s lips as he snarled at Keno to hurry the fuck up, before he turned to Laura, yelling for her to radio ahead to Carson to let him know they’d be back in ten to fifteen and he’d better be fucking ready to patch Gigi up or he’d throw the man’s ass into the fucking furnace; her Slug picking up her uninjured left hand as he dropped to his knees, holding it against his chest while he murmured encouraging words to her about how everything would be okay; Liz at her side, opening the large first aid kit Doctor C had put together to keep in the truck, waiting for further instruction, her attention fully focused on their leader.

The pain in her hand fought for Gigi’s attention, before she turned her head to focus on Keno as he slid the axe from his belt. He knelt beside Negan, unable to hide the fear and upset in his eyes as the leader grabbed the weapon from his hand.

It couldn’t be Negan, and it couldn’t be Keno, Gigi quickly decided, grabbing her husband’s wrist with her uninjured hand as he grabbed the axe from Keno. She quickly searched among the worried faces of her family and friends, around and above her. Searching for some calm in the face of this massive storm, the calm which would be required to accurately perform the gruesome task at hand. Her eyes landed on Tayvon, who caught her eye, reassuring her firmly with a nod, “You got this, girl. You got this.”

“T-Tayvon, Negan,” Gigi stuttered at Negan, her eyes never leaving Tay’s as her body started to shiver as if she were coatless in a snowstorm. Her husband’s eyes lifted from the axe in his hand, and followed Gigi’s to her teammate’s face, and without pause he held out the axe to a surprised Tayvon, because who the fuck was he to deny his girl’s order in this moment?

Tayvon held Gigi’s gaze, puffing out his cheeks to blow out his breath, nodding as he quickly reached for the axe, rolling his head on his neck with closed eyes for exactly two seconds to compose himself before he pushed gently at Elena and Negan’s shoulders to signal them to move aside. He moved a few feet away from Gigi, anticipating the position of her arm on the ground.

As the boss man hurriedly moved himself to support his wife’s head, Slug whipped off his jacket, quickly folding it inside out and laying it on the ground next to Gigi. Negan positioned her arm on top of it as Elena jerked her thin belt out of her belt loops with a snap, and wrapped it around her mother’s upper arm, gently putting her knee on the limb for leverage to tighten it. “This is gonna hurt,” her daughter warned her as she yanked on the leather to cut off the circulation to the hand, relieved when her mother's blood loss abated significantly. Negan reached across their patient’s chest to give the tourniquet a final harsh tug before tying it off himself.

Gigi’s teeth began to chatter audibly, perhaps from blood loss, or perhaps from fear, as everyone around her stilled in expectation. “On an angle!” Liz ordered Tayvon, pouring the moonshine they kept in the first aid kit for cleaning wounds onto the axe blade before Tayvon lined it up for the cut. Liz pointed to a spot right above her elbow. “Here, Tay!” Negan nodded in concurrence, knowing the limb needed to be severed far from the actual injury, hoping it was far enough from the infected bite to save her life.

Negan moved backwards on his knees, bending at the waist and surrounding his wife’s head with his broad hands, several fingers underneath acting as a cushion against the hard ground. He pressed his forehead into hers, immobilizing her head as he pressed one arm across her collarbone , ordering, “Come on, people, let’s fucking do this! _Now!_ ”

Gigi tried to focus on her boss man’s eyes, so close to her own, but she could see Tayvon in the background, raising his arm. She could see it peak and move forcefully into the downward swing he would need to sever her bone. The horror of what was about to happen overwhelmed her, and she closed her eyes and yelled loudly, with all the ferocity she could muster, because she had the ridiculous hope the force of her scream would offset the horrific pain she knew was coming.

She fucking passed out. Thank fucking God, she passed out at the moment the axe met bone. Negan could feel every muscle in her body tensing beneath him as the blade slid through her flesh, and he could feel the millisecond of resistance when the axe met and then sliced through her humerus. It was the same millisecond Gigi quieted, her eyes rolling back in her head and then closing.

The minute the axe made contact with the hard surface below, Tayvon pulled back, dropping the weapon and sitting down on the ground behind him, as he grappled with his body’s physical response to severing his friend’s hand from her body. Liz immediately moved forward, pouring the rest of the moonshine on the amputation sight, then wrapping two clean towels around the end of her friend’s arm. Grabbing Keno’s hands, she wrapped them around the belt underneath the towel to put more pressure on the wound. “Let’s go!” she yelled, as she yanked Keno’s hands up in the air to keep the arm above the commander's heart, startling the shocked group into action.

Everyone fell into place seamlessly as the big boss lifted Gigi to carry her to the bed of the transport truck, while others ran to open the tailgate. The big boss moved to one of the benches, clutching his girl to his chest on his lap, while Slug lay her calves across his thighs, compelled to rub them gently even though his friend was out like a light. On Liz’s orders, Keno knelt in front of them, holding Gigi’s arm in the air above her heart, trying both to hold the towels in place and keep the pressure on the extremity.

Simon jumped behind the wheel, and Stevie joined him in the cab, as Elena knelt next to Keno, in front of her mother in the bed of the truck, because she just needed to be with her mommy in this horrible moment. The second in command took off then when he heard a fist pound on the cab behind him, letting him know his passengers were safely settled and ready to go. In the back of the truck, the leader of the Saviors, ever in control in times of stress, closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, exhaling through his nose, wishing he had the faith needed to pray to God to save his girl’s life.

________

The Saviors had worked so quickly to save the Special Ops commander, the time expended from the minute the woman had been bitten, to the time they lifted her back into the truck and started back to the factory had been less than five minutes, according to Gil’s iPod. When the man picked it up from the bench where he'd left it, his mind quickly worked to piece together Guns N’ Roses _Welcome to the Jungle_ had just started when he’d dropped the player on the bench at the sound of Negan yelling at Keno. When he grabbed it off the seat to sit down for the ride back, it was only a few bars into the next song in the queue. “Only five minutes,” he announced to no one in particular as they sped down the road, staring at the device’s screen. The big boss stared at him for a moment before nodding at him thoughtfully.

_________

Gigi woke up at a quarter after midnight, the pain in her arm pulling her out of her sleep. Elena was leaning over her, gently pushing the hair off her forehead with her latex gloved hand as she checked her mother for signs of fever, her worry obvious in her furrowed brow. It had been fifteen hours since her mom had been bitten, and each hour which had gone by signalled less of a chance she’d come down with the deadly infection they had tried to avoid by amputating. Time had never moved so slowly in the young woman’s life, her eyes moving to the clock on the bedside table every few minutes as each hour passed.

Doctor Carson had come in to check on his patient regularly, monitoring her body temperature, blood pressure, pulse and eye response while she was passed out, and checking his handiwork for signs of infection. He had used opium vapors to keep her anesthetized while he’d cleaned and closed the massive wound. Opium tincture under the tongue at regular intervals after the surgery would help with the pain she would feel when she awakened from the anesthesia.

The Sanctuary had always had plenty of home grown marijuana to use as a source for CBD and THC, which both had medicinal value, including pain relief. Turmeric, arnica and ginger were among the few other herbs grown to help with pain, inflammation and nausea.  When the factory had run out of manufactured anesthetics and medications many years before, Peggy had suggested they make a run to her hometown, an hour away, to see if they could find anything which would be helpful in the manufacture of pain remedies or anesthetics. She had several books, and she told Negan and Gigi of a farm she had frequented to purchase plants and seeds. The owner - Ronny, and his wife Jean - had sold and specialized in herbal tinctures, salves and other homeopathic and herbal remedies. They also sold unusual varieties of flowers and herbs they used in their products, as well as everyday herbs such as basil and cilantro.

The herb lady had made the trek with the Saviors, so she could guide them on what to bring back to the factory, if anything even remained. They had arrived to find all buildings on the property had been picked over of the usual helpful supplies, but treasure had been hidden right before the unknowing scavengers’ eyes in the form of invaluable information. They had left behind books and charts listing plants with analgesic and pain relieving properties, centuries old and more recent recipes and dosages for utilization. Even more valuable was Jean’s handwritten recipes for her and Ronny’s creations.

The Saviors had thought the trip was a bust, once they looked around, but Peggy had run from the house to the greenhouse to the store on the property, letting out a “whoop!” of excitement in the farm’s long abandoned dry cellar because she had found a store of many types of useful seeds. Some of them were labeled papaver somniferum, which most would not have realized were more commonly known as poppy. There was also turmeric, white willow and a host of other seeds, dried herbs and plants which could be used to treat pain, inflammation, and a myriad of other simple and complex conditions.

Peggy had insisted the Saviors take not only the crates of seeds they found, but also a load of dead plants from the farm’s greenhouse, repeatedly reminding them to be gentle as they loaded the finds into their trucks, so as not to break off the stems or leaves of dried brittle plants. Seeds could be found in the plants, she had explained to the skeptics, if you knew where to look. Upon their return from the run, Peggy had been set up with her own space to create a lab of sorts, with the help of a former chemist who had salivated at the prospect of using the skills from her old life to produce something which would be so vital for the future of the factory’s residents.

Several of the lieutenants had been assigned the task of finding the materials necessary for building and maintaining a greenhouse, which was used for Peggy’s pharmaceutical endeavors, as well as growing food and starting seedlings for the production of biofuels. Along with redirect, the Saviors quickly became known to the other communities across Virginia, southern Maryland, DC and West Virginia as a source for the desperately needed herbal medical remedies and fuels. Their goods were highly coveted, and fetched the best meats, produce, weapons and skilled labor, when traded.

Negan was grateful his spitfire had pushed him to branch out from redirect those years ago, because the thought of her having to endure the surgery on her arm while she was awake was more than the usually nonplussed leader would have been able to bear. He had seen and heard men as they had been worked on without anesthesia. It was something he’d only wish on his worst enemies.

_________

Gigi looked over Elena groggily, concern on her face as her pain reminded her of their run in with the walkers on the road, and the reason why she was in the infirmary. Once she realized her daughter was fine, she worried about her son, murmuring as she tried to pull herself out of her opium induced fog, “I didn’t get the chance to look Stevie over after I was bitten. Is he okay?” She shifted her stiff body on the bed as she spoke, severe pain in her arm causing her to wince.

“He’s absolutely fine, Mom. He’s just sporting a boat load of guilt about what happened to you,” her daughter reassured her softly. She went on to tell her mother Stevie had been stopping by regularly, and kept busy during the day by helping Simon keep an eye on things at the Sanctuary, while Negan kept an eye on his wife in the infirmary. “I nagged Negan, fifteen minutes ago to take a break and go get us something to eat. He was seriously hovering, Mom. And more than a little cranky. He was making me crazy,” Elena complained with a grin, making her mother smile weakly, as well.

“Radio Stevie for me?” mother requested of her daughter. She hated to wake him if he was sleeping, but she felt the need to see her son right away, just in case. Other than her pain, and the grogginess from the opium, Gigi felt fine. She felt no signs of infection. Even so, she needed to talk to him. _Just in case. He needs to know it’s not his fault. He needs to hear it from me._ “Tell him I want to see him?” The thought of her son blaming himself for what happened made her heart ache. Elena nodded, pulling her walkie off her belt.

“Mini Bear to Brother Bear. Come in Brother Bear!” Gigi heard her daughter call as Mini walked into the hallway, not wanting her conversation and the device’s static to disturb her mother.

“Stevie, come in!” Elena called into the walkie as she walked past the doorway several seconds later. Not wanting to stray far, she strolled back and forth in the hallway as she talked. Her voice faded as she moved down the hallway, then got louder as she walked back past the door. “Stevie, she’s fine, I swear! She just wants to see you! No, I’m not lying to you, jackass. Don’t aggravate me. Just get down here!” Gigi closed her eyes and minutely shook her head in response to her daughter’s words.

“New girl. You’re awake!” Negan hurried in the door, having been beckoned with a harried hand motion and a smile by Elena when she’d spotted him coming out of the stairwell. He was sure he’d gone from zero to sixty in order to get to the infirmary door as quickly as possible, breathing a bit heavily as he grinned at his pale, groggy girl.

 _“Gloves!_ ” came Mini’s order from the hallway, prompting Negan to wave a dismissive hand in the direction of the doorway, but he still grabbed two from a box on the table by the bed after he sat his tray of food down on a table by the wall. After putting the gloves on, he leaned over her, running his fingers along her jawline and down the side of her neck. He was unable to stop smiling at her, her tired eyes shining up at him despite the furrowed brow caused by her pain.

Even in her haze she could see the relief, the love and a little bit of fear in his eyes as he took her in. “How long has it been?” she inquired softly, the expression on her face shifting to one of concern.

Knowing exactly what his wife was asking, he responded, “Fifteen hours. Doctor Carson said we should know by tomorrow at this time, but it looks really good at this point, new girl. Really good,” he repeated, as if to convince himself as well as her, as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Those gloves aren’t going to do much good if you keep laying lips on me,” Gigi chided him, pushing weakly at his chest with her left hand. “If I’m sick, you need to stay healthy for the children.”

He ignored her scolding, keeping his lips in place on her forehead, pushing her hair back, just as Elena had done, feeling for any sign of fever on her skin, relieved when he didn’t find one. “You’re going to be fine, Gigi.” The agitation in his tone was clear to both of them, and he purposely relaxed himself and softened his voice before repeating softly, “You’re going to be fine. Are you in any pain?”

She nodded in response. “It hurts like a son of a bitch, boss man!” she joked with a frown, huffing out a silent laugh.

“It’s gotta hurt if it’s making you swear, new girl. Let me get Carson in here,” Negan decided, moving to unhook his walkie talkie from his belt.

“No! Negan! I’m okay,” she pleaded with him. “No pain remedies right now. I’ll tell you when I need something, I promise. I want to be lucid to talk with Stevie. And to enjoy the fact I’m alive for a few minutes more.”

“You’re going to be fine, Gigi,” her boss man repeated for a third time. He was quiet for a moment before he added quietly, “I need you to be fine.”

“I _will_ be fine. It’s not my time, Negan,” she reassured her husband softly. “I can feel it. I _am_ going to be fine.” Something in her gut was telling her this trauma was over. She’d felt a sense of calm from the moment she had opened her eyes, other than her worry about her children. She felt calm and centered, despite what had happened to her, the pain, and the fact her future had been irrevocably altered with the loss of part of her arm. The huge loss was not daunting for her. She’d been through worse. Much worse. Living without one hand was a piece of cake compared to Steven’s death years ago, and some of the trials they’d endured since the world ended.

“You can believe her,” Stevie’s voice reassured the leader of the Sanctuary from the doorway as the boss man tried to process what his girl was telling him. “She’s got this crazy sixth sense thing, and it’s always spot on.”  Gigi’s oldest son was grinning from ear to ear as he spoke, but tears were running down his face as he looked at his mother.

“Get your bum in here and tell me why you’ve decided our ‘no guilt rule’ doesn’t apply to this situation.” Mother tried to sound stern as she murmured to him, but she was grinning as she spoke, motioning weakly with her left hand for her boy to come closer.

Gigi could have wept when a pathetic, sad little sound escaped him as he rushed to her bedside. Dropping into the chair Elena had vacated, Stevie bent forward at the waist, pressing his forehead into the mattress next to his mother and pushing the top of his head into her left side as he cried with relief.

“Don’t Stevie. Don’t put this on yourself, sweetheart. You know better. You did absolutely nothing wrong.” She ran her hand over his head, neck and back as she soothed him, compelled to touch him and feel he was absolutely, perfectly perfect after almost being bitten.

“I knew that’s what you’d say,” her son’s muffled voice spoke into the mattress as he sniffled into the bed covers. He was a grown man at twenty eight years old, and may have been living with Arat for several years, but he was still his mommy’s boy. He always had been.

“Oh,” she goaded him, “but you decided to torture yourself anyway?” Gigi slid her hand under his chin, gently turning his head to force eye contact.

“Yes he did, because he’s a weenie butt,” Elena informed everyone as she walked back into the room, teasing her brother with one of her favorite childhood digs. Gigi chuckled at her daughter’s words, despite her pain, as Negan and Stevie huffed out a laugh. Mother winked at her daughter, ran her thumb over her son’s jawline as she held it in her hand, then turned to her boss man to share a grin.

_We’re going to be fine. Everything is going to be just fine._

“Nobody’s gonna tell me I can’t see her! If Stevie and Elena can see her, we can fucking see her, too!” Teeny’s cranky preteen voice yelled down the quiet hallway. The sound of Red’s soothing voice followed, pleading with his sister to calm down.

“ _Katie Scarlett?!_ Is that your foul mouth I hear drifting in to your mother’s sick bed?” Negan called towards the door with a shake of his head as Gigi raised one eyebrow at her husband.

“I’ve got this, mom,” Stevie reassured his mother, wiping away his tears as he hopped up from his chair, caressed his mother's face briefly, and then sprinted into the hallway to head off the twins before they came into the room. The youngest children had only been told their mother had been hurt. Negan had decided to wait to see whether Gigi had been infected before he gave them more details. One in the morning definitely wasn’t the time to fill them in, and he needed to ease them into the idea of the amputation, as well as be sure she wasn’t infected before he let them visit.

“Please remind your sister she won’t be riding the palomino for a month thanks to her disregard for my fucking wishes,” the boss man requested of his step son before he left the room, knowing Stevie would temper the language he used to relay the message. 

Katie’s cursing had been a source of amusement for Negan when she was three, but two weeks before, daddy had overheard his teeny throw out the f-bomb in a sentence, during a heated discussion with her mother about whether she should be able to hang out late with the older kids. He had lost his fucking mind. Having soft spots for both Teeny and Red, he infrequently stepped in to discipline them because they so rarely did wrong in his eyes, but he would _not_ let _anyone,_ his children included, disrespect his wife. He had informed his daughter if he ever heard her swear again, she wouldn’t be able to ride Fat Pony, the horse she’d lovingly named after one of her favorite uncles, for a month.

Negan, Gigi and Elena all grinned as they heard Katie protest her punishment loudly in the hallway, before Stevie reminded her their mother needed peace and quiet while she recuperated, and walked her and Red back up to his apartment to stay with Arat.

“We’re going to be just fine, Negan,” Gigi smiled at her boss man as she closed her eyes, exhausted from all of the activity of the previous ten minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have figured out what caused some of my stress over this chapter. I had Gigi's plight written before the season started, and in the original chapter, the Saviors had also taken a trip to the Drug Enforcement Agency Museum in Arlington, Virginia to find information on plants with anesthetic and medicinal value. When I saw the similar and the same events play out in the first few eps of the show, I felt pressed to change everything up. I kept most of my musings, though, because I was too far into how the story would play out to make huge changes.
> 
> I also was trying to wrap up and the story in the chapter, but finally I realized Negan and Gigi's story simply wasn't finished writing itself. I hope that's okay??


	27. Help Me Through, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have I told you how fucking amazing I think you are, new girl?” the boss man whispered against the mottled skin. He knew it was taking every bit of emotional strength she had, not to pull the limb away from him as he continued. “And I think you can do anything you put your fucking mind to. But this is too fucking big for even you to handle, Gigi. You need help. You need to ask for help, not keep this shit to yourself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, my faithful readers! I hope you all have a relaxing, joy filled holiday! Here are some feels and some not so vanilla smut to kick things off. 
> 
> XO, C

The boss man’s spitfire started adjusting to life with one hand very quickly. It took her a few weeks to gain her strength back after the amputation, but even as she lay in their bed in the apartment, waiting for Doctor Carson to release her from his care, she began to practice getting along without her dominant hand. She quickly learned to eat with her left hand, avoiding foods which needed to be cut with a knife because she absolutely refused to ask for help to feed herself. She practiced writing as well. She spent her days opening and  closing buttons and zippers, and once the pain diminished enough for her to sit up and move about in bed, she pulled on her boots and practiced tying the laces one-handed.

Negan marveled at her ingenuity in solving certain problems created by the loss of her hand, like the way she held her toothbrush between her upper arm and her side, or between her teeth so she could put toothpaste on it with her left hand, or how she held one boot lace taut by stepping on it with her foot as she looped and tucked the other with her hand. She seemed to view every obstacle as a challenge, and he would catch her doing a victory dance now and again, jumping up and down, or shaking her ass in celebration when she finally jumped a particularly high hurdle.

It didn't surprise the big boss in the fucking least, his wife got very frustrated when she couldn't accomplish a task on her own, and needed to ask for help. He had watched Slug one day, kneeling on the ground to retie his wife’s shoelace quickly during her team’s morning run, so she could sprint back up to rejoin the group. He could see her shaking her head in frustration as the pair ran to catch up with the rest of the group. The next morning she had asked her boss man to help her double knot the laces so they wouldn’t slow her down again. Two days later she no longer needed his help because she had double knotted and untied her shoe laces the nights before for a few hours until she could accomplish the task quickly.

She had gone back to training with the team as soon as her pain was manageable, despite Negan’s apprehension, insisting, “I need this, boss man. I need to rework how I handle my weapons, and interact with my team now that my signals have had to shift to my other hand. It won’t be safe for anyone if I go out with the team, if we’re not all in sync.”

Gigi struggled with switching her signaling to her left hand, and practiced day and night, finding it frustrating the gestures which had always been executed without thought, didn’t come as easily as before. The boss man could see why she was frustrated, fascinated to see her right arm start to rise when she wanted to signal, an ingrained physical response which was difficult for her to reprogram. She practiced her signals as she sat ate her breakfast, and she practiced as she walked down the halls of the factory. She practiced as she ate dinner and while she lay in bed at night. Each time she was spoken to, she not only spoke her response, but signed it with her left hand when she could, much like an interpreter would do.

“She’ll get it,” Mini reassured both herself and Negan as she stood with her stepfather on the second floor landing, catching her mother on the exchange floor with Slug, using a flamboyant signal for, “Fuck it!” when she stumbled with her signs to him.

________

Liz had been heading the Sanctuary’s Special Forces team since Gigi had left the factory, a decade before, to find her children. When the original commander had returned, Gigi had encouraged her friend to remain in charge while she concentrated on her infants. Even though Gigi was no longer in command, she trained with the team when she could manage it, and Liz and she frequently conferred about training and strategy. The pair made an amazing fucking unit, and Negan's military and Special Ops team had expanded over the years, and gained the respect of the surrounding communities when it had joined forces with them to help defeat a group of crazy territorial fucks who wore walker skins and whispered so they could hide among the walking dead without being noticed by them. When the battle was over, the participating communities had reached out to the Sanctuary’s leader to work out a trade agreement, in which the Saviors trained their neighbors’ militaries, in exchange for goods and labor. It was a fucking win, win for all.

After the amputation, if Negan could have had his way, his spitfire wouldn’t have gone off the property with her team again, ever. Gigi wouldn’t hear of the possibility, holding up her left hand to silence him when he’d suggested it, at her first mention of training again with her team. _She relearned that fucking signal quickly, didn’t she?_

While he admired her tenacity, as time went on the big boss started to get slightly miffed his girl was disappearing at quarter of six every day to train, and often didn’t get home in time for dinner, or even before the twins went to bed at night. He knew she wasn’t working with her team the entire time, because Liz wrapped things up with her people at two o’clock each week day. When she did come back to their apartment late at night, she was bedraggled and exhausted, showering and dropping into bed shortly after she arrived, barely talking to him before she passed out. She would then wake up the next morning early, and disappear for the day, again.

At first, Gigi took the weekends off to recoup her energy, but it seemed as soon as she had regained her strength, she started disappearing on the weekends as well, though on those days she made the effort to be back in time for dinner with him and the kids. He would question her, about what she had done all day, but she would simply tell him she had been training all day, working on “a little bit of everything”. Then she’d fucking change the subject, focusing on the children, or shifting the conversation to what his work day was like.  When he would subtly try to turn the discussion back to her, and question her about what kind of training was keeping her so busy, she would tell him simply, she was relearning life with one hand. It was all she would give him. It wasn’t fucking like her at all to keep information from him, and it pissed him the fuck off. Not only did he not understand why she wasn’t talking with him about what she was doing day to day, he didn’t fucking like not knowing where she was as any given moment. She carried her walkie with her when she left the apartment, and she would always respond when he called her, but when he’d ask where she was so he could meet her, she would tell him to meet her in a central place instead of giving him her location.

When she had first started training after the surgery she had initially been chipper and positive, cupping his face with her hand and rubbing her thumb across his lips with a tired smile and an “I love you” when she returned to the apartment each night, stopping long enough for him to caress Thelma, or Louise, or both of them, depending on his mood, as he always did when he said hello to her. She would grab a quick bite and then head to bed, practicing her signals while she lay next to him, before she would finally cuddle up against his back, throwing one leg over his hip as she settled in to go to sleep.

As each week passed, however, Negan could see her mood shifting. She was her usual positive, glittery self with everyone around her, but when she thought no one was looking, she was pensive, deep in her own head, often frowning or shaking her head as she sat alone with her thoughts. It wasn't like his girl, at all. She would enter the apartment after work, kissing him on the top of the head distractedly before she grabbed a bite or two of something to eat. A few times she'd even gone to bed without eating, which worried the boss man. He would also catch her rubbing her amputation site as if it ached, which worried him as well. After observing her discomfort a few times, he got in the habit of tossing a jar of the herb lady’s salve at her to use on her sore spots. She never uncovered her arm in front of him, but would reach down into her sleeve from the collar or the button front of her shirt to slather on the remedy.

“You doing okay, new girl?” he finally asked her one night as he laid on his back next to her in the dark, after trying to ignore her change in mood for a few weeks. It was obviously what she fucking wanted, he had reasoned, since she’d spent several fucking weeks evading his questions about anything fucking important.

He finally decided to ask her outright because girl’s racing thoughts were practically audible in the silence of their dark room, agitating him while he was trying to relax. He rolled toward her side of the bed, onto his left side and pressed himself into her back, running his hand lazily from right under her armpit down to her thigh and back up, enjoying the feel of the curve of her waist and the swell of her hip before he moved his hand up under her silky night shirt to repeat the path along her soft as fuck skin while he waited for her response. As his hand moved, he noted how she raised her arm up so there would be no possibility he would touch the amputated limb as his hand skimmed along her side.

He opened her sleep shirt with one hand, button by button as he ran his lips over the back of her neck, pulling the fabric behind her hip so her front was exposed. Running his fingertips from the waistband of the rolled down boxers right under her belly button, up to her breasts and back down, he felt her relax under his touch, melting back into him as she sighed loud and long, as if she was physically letting go of her stress at his prompting.

Though it had been nine weeks since her surgery, and yes he’d been fucking counting, she hadn’t let him see her fully nude yet. They also hadn’t had sex yet. She’d told him a month before she still wasn’t comfortable seeing herself without her arm, and felt she couldn’t share herself with him until she could look at herself in the mirror without cringing.

“You’re too hard on yourself, new girl,” he’d insisted one night as he’d tried to get into her panties, rolling her onto her back and trapping her beneath him. “You know me. As long as pussy is part of the package, I’m happy.” He nibbled on her collarbone, chuckling at himself before adding in his most dramatic tone of voice, “Now, if your pussy gets compromised somehow, I can’t promise I’ll stick around. Just sayin’. Because it’s all about the pussy.”

“You are such a jerk!” she’d chided him, as she smacked his bicep forcefully with a laugh, then pushed his head down between her thighs as she spread them. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is, if it’s all about the pussy? Show me how much you like it, boss man.”

“Oh, you better fucking believe I will!”

Later, as Gigi’s chest still heaved from the fan-fucking-tastic orgasm he’d licked and sucked and fingered her into, he had pulled her into his chest, kissing her with all the passion he felt for her, whispering, “You know I love every fucking bit of you, just as you fucking are, don’t you, new girl?”

She’d simply nodded, pushing her face into the crook of his neck and pressing her nose and lips against his scruff, to hide. “I know Negan. I just feel like I need to love me, too, before I make love to you, and I’m not quite there yet.”

“Well, can you at least love my dick with your mouth now and then until you learn to love yourself?” he’d prodded in all seriousness, making her giggle.

___________

As his hand traveled along her skin, the fingers of her left hand entwined with his, redirecting him down her stomach and into her boxers, to the outer edge of her slit. He let her lead him, watching and feeling her body relax further into him as their fingers dipped between her folds, teasing her clit. He mouthed along the side of her face and neck as their hands played, nosing her pajama top off her shoulder so he could swipe his tongue across it and back up her neck. She immediately bent her head to the opposite side to give him better access.

“Spread your legs for me, sweetheart,” he ordered, humming against her shoulder when she immediately bent her top leg up towards her chest and rested it on his side. He rewarded her by sliding their index and middle fingers along either side of her clit, oh so softly, making her moan and writhe at the touch.

Gigi’s right arm shifted upwards as it always did when he was behind her. Normally she would move the hand of her top arm behind his neck, when they spooned, cupping it to hold him close to her. His girl tensed, then huffed in frustration, putting her arm back down at her side, pulling forward and away from him slightly at the realization she couldn’t do as she wished.

 _No fucking way. This isn’t ending before it even fucking starts._ Crooking his fingers over hers between her thighs, Negan circled her clit a few times lazily as if to instruct her how to continue before moving his own hand away from hers. Running it up her abdomen to her breasts, he stopped to pinch Thelma’s peak lightly, making his girl cry out and arch her back, pushing her ass into his cock. _Fucking A!_ His fingers continued their journey up her chest and he nipped along the back of her neck as he pulled the collar of her shirt back off her shoulder, the garment coming to rest halfway down her upper arm as he kissed and licked his way across her shoulder and down the back of the exposed part of her arm. Gigi's hand stop moving between her legs as he moved further down her injured arm, so he ran his hand back to her breast and pinched her nipple with force, ordering firmly, “Keep playing, new girl.” He chuckled deviously as she gasped, nodding very seriously against his shoulder and immediately restarting the unhurried movement of her fingers between her legs.

She grunted and then let out a whimper when he twisted her nipple again, hard enough to make her squirm. “Is that how you’re supposed to answer me, Gigi?” he demanded. He was enjoying the fuck out of the new game he had just invented.

His cock just about fucking exploded when she panted earnestly, “Yes, sir,” correcting herself as she nodded once again.

“My good girl,” Negan murmured in her ear as his hand traveled up her side, continuing upward when he reached her armpit, pushing her shortened limb above her shoulder as he continued to graze his fingertips up the sensitive skin of her inner arm, pushing her sleeve up and off the end.

He felt her tense once again as the amputation site was bared, pulling it down into her chest, away from his gaze, her head turning away from him into the mattress as if she was ashamed. _Fuck that. Not_ my _fucking girl. We’re gonna fucking deal with this head on, sweetheart._

“Where’s my brave girl?” he cooed at her, jerking her hand out from between her legs and smacking her clit firmly with four fingers, enjoying the sound of her keening as she turned back to him, panting in his ear.

“Right here, Negan.” _Oh, my wicked boy. He’s going to force me to deal with my self-consciousness in his own inimitable style._ The corners of Gigi's mouth turned up at the realization, her core pulsing at the thought. Perhaps this was exactly what she needed. Turning her head back to him, she nipped along his jawline just hard enough to make him flinch. _How do you like that,_ _Daddy?_

“Mmm,” he grunted in response. “So that’s how you want to play, new girl?”

“Yes, please … ” she murmured, pushing her ass back into his cock and grinding it into his length. “ ...sir.”   _Let’s play. Make me forget my troubles. So many troubles._

“Good fucking girl,” he praised her as she moved against him.

Pulling her arm from against her chest, and raising it back in the air right in front of his fucking nose, he ran his hand back up her arm, caressing it, taking it in with his eyes, not bothered in the least by the change in its appearance, actually rather fucking fascinated by it. He felt his girl’s hand once again slow in response, so he pulled at the skin of her shoulder with his teeth, playfully threatening to bite more forcefully, if needed. She moaned, immediately picking up the pace, so he let go, licking the spot he had bitten with a broad tongue, to soothe it. “Watch what I’m doing, Gigi,” he commanded as he continued to rub his cock on her ass lightly, running his hand down her arm and across her collarbone as he kissed the side of her face, nuzzling her cheek with his nose.

Pushing up to rest on his elbow above her, Negan mouthed across her cheek until his girl turned to him and he could hear her breath stutter in trepidation as she watched his fingers move closer to the end of her arm once again. He continued on, sweeping his fingers downward and across one nipple lightly and then down between her legs, grazing across the tip of her clit and then back up her body to her arm, moving closer to the amputation site with each pass. He took his time, moving without hesitation over the radically changed landscape, giving it the same time and attention as the rest of her as he played. Kissing the corner of her mouth, he moved his lips to her ear so she could hear his light panting and groaning in response to their grinding, wanting to her to know the change in her arm hadn’t compromised the intensity of his desire for her. The closer Negan moved to the end of her arm, the more hesitant Gigi’s rhythm became, as she hyper focused on his touch. Her worry about his possible response to her new deformity was radiating off her in waves.  

“Take your boxers off, new girl,” Negan demanded, hoping to distract her with the task as his fingers finally moved over her surgical scars gently, feeling his way around the shortened end of her arm. He felt her tension as his hand wandered, and her light intake of breath when he lightly grazed over some raised scar tissue.

“Yes, sir,” she murmured turning her head away from him once again, towards the mattress, to hide from his intense scrutiny as she started to pull off her underwear. Her back was pressed to his chest, her left arm beneath her, so she raised herself up on her elbow to try to make things easier, but it limited her range of motion. She shifted to her back, lifting her hips and pushing the underwear down on one side, then the other, working clumsily to get the fabric out from under the weight of her rear end. She huffed in frustration, at her awkwardness and the length of time it was taking to accomplish what should be a simple task.

“Let me help you,” Negan hooked one thumb into the waist band of her boxers, pushing them down one hip while she managed the other side.

“I shouldn’t need help getting my damn boxers off!” Gigi growled at him, slapping his hand away with a surprising amount of ferocity, and continued to push her underwear down, one hip at a time.

 _Oh fucking my._ She’d made a simple statement, but it conveyed so much to him. His girl managed to get the garment off, and tossed it onto the bed next to her with a dramatic huff. _“There!”_ She rolled into his chest, burying her nose in his neck with another huff.

The dominant in him fucking loved it when she was all needy and shit. It didn’t happen often. She was so fucking strong, and other than helping her sort through the nightmare of her captivity years ago, he didn’t get much of a chance to help her work through her shit. _Daddy will make it all fucking better, baby girl._ She always tried to be so positive, no matter what the circumstances. If she was playing into her own frustration, he knew she must really be struggling. Her mini temper tantrum clued him in to the fact she was seriously fucking frustrated. It clued him in to a number of things. _My poor girl. I’ve been so goddamn fucking dense._

Fisting her hair, he gently pulled her head out from under his chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. “Banana,” he whispered, kissing her softly, then reiterated their meaning of their safe word. “Game over, new girl.” She blinked at him with wide eyes, obviously surprised.

Stopping the game wasn’t just about Gigi’s frustration. Negan had been caught off guard at the impact of what she was going through, it startling him like a slap in the face because he could now see it from her point of view. Her dominant hand was now gone, he pondered as he ran his fingers gently over the end of her shortened limb, still looking her in the eye. It had been the hand which she had used so skillfully, whether it was to throw her tri blade, put down a walker, shoot a target, signal her kids and her team, jerk him off, write her awesome fucking letters to him, or put on and take off her fucking underwear each day.

No wonder she was having a hard time. No wonder she was working eighteen hours a day to try to retrain herself. All the incredible fucking things she did every single fucking day, all the things which made her who she was, the things which allowed her to express herself, protect the people she loved, helped her pleasure him and herself, all the things which showed her incredible strength, and which allowed her to care for those around her were now a struggle for her. The things he knew she felt helped define her as a person had involved using her right hand. All the skills she had been especially proud of had been accomplished with her right fucking hand. His type A girl had to fucking excel at everything she did, driven to perfection. When she’d lost her hand, she’d lost a huge part of who she was. His girl must have felt more than a little fucking lost.

“It's been hard for you, hasn't it …  adjusting to losing your hand?” He guessed softly. “And you haven't wanted to talk about what you’re doing every day, because it's not as easy as you’d thought it would be to learn to do everything with your left hand.” She didn't tell him about her days for a reason. Either she didn't want to burden him with her troubles or she couldn’t see their magnitude yet herself, so was unable to voice it to him.

Gigi could hear the realization in his tone as he pieced together what she'd been going through, and relief coursed through her at the knowledge he understood her so well. Being able to share her upset with him lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. She had simply kept pushing through, as she tried to relearn her life with limitations, because it was what needed to happen. Pushing and pushing, while emotionally battling the possibility of not being able to do each and every thing she’d done in the past, just as well as she’d done them before. _“It’ll come with time,”_ she had reassured herself over and over as her frustration grew. She nodded at him solemnly, pushing back into the crook of his neck, seeking out the comfort of him.

Negan pulled her to him, taking minute to compose himself, resting his lips on one of the ugliest scars from her surgery, where Doctor Carson had pulled and stitched skin from the opposite side of the wound, to cover the amputation site. It was raised, long and wide, the scar tissue an angry red. He could feel her tension about his chosen resting spot, but he wasn’t going to fucking budge.

“Have I told you how fucking amazing I think you are, new girl?” the boss man whispered against the mottled skin. He knew it was taking every bit of emotional strength she had, not to pull the limb away from him as he continued. “And I think you can do anything you put your fucking mind to. But this is too fucking big for even you to handle, Gigi. You need help. You need to _ask_ for help, not keep this shit to yourself. Me, Stevie and Elena, the Josephs, Slug, Liz … hell, every fucking person here at the Sanctuary would drop what they’re doing to help you. You have to know that.”

“I do, Negan,” came her muffled voice from under his chin, but people have better things to do than babysit me and help me relearn how to do mundane tasks. People have work to do, families to tend to, more important things … ”

“That’s _bullshit_ , Gigi, and you know it,” he cut across her, irritated by her self deprecation. It wasn’t her style, and he was fucking over it.

His girl was startled by his vehemence, backing out from under his chin to look him in the eye.

Negan stopped himself from expanding on his harsh statement, backtracking to the list of important people in her life, to reason with her, “What would you do, Gigi, if Slug was in your position? Would you tell him you were too fucking busy to help him get back on his feet? Would you tell him you didn’t have time to help him tie his shoes? No, you wouldn’t,” he insisted, his irritation evident in his tone. “What would you do? Tell me.”

“I’d insist on helping him,” she admitted, as if there were no other options. _Just as Slug had insisted we stop during our morning run, so he could tie my shoelaces for me when they came undone._

“And just how would you do it?” He stared at her intently, asking her to be honest with herself and with him. Pushing her. “Come on, new girl, you know what I’m fucking talking about.”

She nodded slightly, knowing what he was getting at, knowing what she would do. “I’d drop everything to give him any help he needed.”

“Why would you do it, Gigi?” he pushed some more.

“Because I love him, Negan. Because he’s family,” she explained passionately, pulling the answers from her heart. Knowing she’d found the answer her boss man was looking for, she added, “Because it would kill me to watch him struggle!”

“So you think you ought to have a little fucking faith your friends and your family would feel the same way about you?” he admonished. He knew he was being harsh with her, but he needed her to pull her head out of the fucking pity party in her ass and hear what he was saying. “Maybe some of them would even be a little fucking pissed you’ve kept your need for help from them while you disappeared for hours on end, hiding what you’re doing, and coming back to your apartment cranky, and tired as fuck.”

Negan saw the corner of mouth start to turn up as she studied his face, and she pursed her lips trying to hide her smile before she finally goaded him, “Is that how some of _them_ might feel?”

“Yes, Gigi, it is!” he countered indignantly, rolling away from her, onto his back. _How does she always fucking get the upper hand?_

“Huh,” she scrambled on top of him, needing to kiss him at the sound his indignation. “I wonder how I can ever possibly make it up to the person ... or persons I may have pissed off?” she queried against his lips melodramatically, straddling his groin and grinding herself down into his now flaccid penis.

His nostrils flared as he gave her the stink eye, trying to remain aggravated with her, but he failed when she backed down his body and moved her mouth over his bare nipple, running her tongue around it and sucking on it lightly. “Person or persons?” the boss man questioned her after a hum of satisfaction at her work. “I think there’s only one fucking person you need to worry about appeasing, new girl … and you’re off to a good fucking start!”

Wrapping his long fingers around either side of her face, he pulled her into a kiss, groaning when she responded eagerly, her tongue dancing on his lips in an effort to coax his out to play. Then she did the fucking thing to him. The thing which melted his goddamn fucking hard ass heart, breaking their kiss to look at his sorry ass with devotion and affection, like he was all that and a fucking milkshake. Then she leaned back in to kiss him all fucking dirty and wet and sexy. _Fuckity, fuckity, fuck! Fuck!_ Reaching between them, she grabbed his cock, giving it a few firm strokes through his underwear as she gave him a mischievous look. _FUCK!_

“Now that I think about it, I think one of the biggest problems I’ve been having is I feel like I’ve lost control. The type A person in me needs control, Negan,” she informed him matter of factly, and gave him a wink. _Fuck to the goddamn yes. What’s my dirty girl have in mind?_

Negan reached up to pull his girl back down into a kiss, but she surprised the fuck out of him when she slapped his hand away as it moved to snake around the back of her neck. _What the fuck?_ Cocking his head to the side, he reached for her again, giving her a challenging look. _Go ahead Gigi, I fucking dare you._ Cool as a fucking cucumber, she slapped his hand away again before she went back to stroking him, her eyes never leaving his. _Is she fucking challenging me? Oh, new girl. Game. Fucking. On._

He was puzzled, when she stopped what she was doing suddenly, and let her head drop forward between her shoulders, holding up her index finger to tell him she needed a moment. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and then opened them again, immediately shrugging off the silky sleep shirt which still hung off her left arm. All of her earlier fear and hesitation about him seeing her fully nude was gone. She’d settled the matter in her mind with a shake of her head, ready to bare herself completely for him. _Just the fuck like that_. He couldn’t help but admire her physical and emotional fucking awesomeness, wrinkling his nose and giving her a little head to toe shiver to let her know he appreciated her lady balls.

She laughed at him, bringing the fingers of her left hand to her mouth, holding four fingers over her lips horizontally, the nightshirt she was holding trailing down her arm.

“Yeah, Gigi. Me, too,” he nodded, thoughtfully, as he kneaded her thigh.

“Take your underwear off, Negan” she commanded, moving to the side of him so he could perform the task. She held one tail of the pajama top to the side of her shoulder, circling her wrist quickly to twist the fabric into itself, creating a thick rope of sorts. He squinted at her as he shucked his boxers, trying to figure out what she was up to, already enthralled with whatever the fuck was going on, because she had some serious fucking attitude in her tone of voice as she bossed him around.

“Hands in the air,” she ordered in her no nonsense tone, then, “Wrists together,” she demanded when he complied.   _Oooooh. I fucking like where this is going!_ He didn’t know where his girl had gone, but more than fucking loved the demanding vixen crawling up his torso, so he quickly complied with her order.

He was surprised at the speed with which she coiled her self-made rope around his wrists one handed, snapping her arm and hand inward from the side, so the fabric whipped around his wrists and came back to her. She had to try twice, but she fucking caught the moving end, holding it in her one hand with the other end of the fabric. Pushing his wrists into the headboard, she leaned over him, using her shortened arm to hold the fabric in place as she looped it more securely around his wrists, using the fingers of her left hand.

“What’s your safeword, Negan?” she questioned him, taking a moment to softly kiss the juncture between his wrists, then flick her tongue across one of his palms to taste him before she grabbed the free end of the fabric with her teeth and jerked it roughly with a grunt.

He was absolutely fucking fascinated, watching the process with raised eyebrows. He knew he looked like a fucking deer in fucking headlights, but he was not only bowled over by her newfound skill, he was pleasantly surprised by her desire to take charge. No, the desire to take charge wasn’t new, because taking charge was in her nature, whether it was with her team or in their bed, making decisions, telling people what to do, being his bossy girl. This was different. What was surprising him was her desire to be in control of him.

“I don’t have one,” he challenged her dramatically. Gigi had a safe word because he was the dominant partner, often pushing her boundaries and her limits. His girl had never used her safe word, but when Negan was unsure whether Gigi was overwhelmed when they played, he had used her safe word to pause their game, like a time out, to check both verbally and physically to reassure himself she was okay.

He’d never needed his own safe word. While his girl sometimes was bossy with him, it had never been to a degree where he’d needed an out.

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!_

“You want to borrow mine?” she offered as she continued to tighten and tie his wrists. She was so fucking quick, she had double knotted the sleep shirt in just a few seconds as he’d admired her work. “Come on, lover,” she prodded him, her voice laced with a patronizing tone she’d never used with him before. “It’s not a difficult question.”

“Who the fuck _are you_?” he asked her, a thrill running through him at her feisty new persona.

Gigi eyed his cock twitching as he questioned her, and smirked as she replied “By the look of things, I’d say I’m one of your hottest fantasies.”

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!_

__________

His girl kissed him, licked him, bit him, spanked him, sucked him, and fucked him with force, all while teasing the holy fuck out of him. She used him like a favorite fucking sex toy, but yet still made sure his head was spinning with his own satisfaction when she was done with him. He could honestly say he never thought he would be so fucking happy for her to work out her frustration and aggression on him. So very, very fucking happy.

Negan was very fucking happy as he laid on his back, her ass smothering his face, pulling one cheek up with her hand so he could go at her rim with his tongue. She had no qualms about telling him exactly what she wanted him to do to her, admonishing him if she felt he wasn’t trying hard enough and praising him when he got it right. “Come on, lover, push on in there. You’ve done better. _Deeper!_ Ahhh, fuck Negan, so good!” she cried out over her shoulder to him, bouncing downward on his tongue to help him move deeper past her rim. She let go of her cheek, leaving him smothered in the scent and taste of her ass so she could play with her clit, bringing herself to her first orgasm of the evening in record time.

Gigi loved the feel of the hot, heavy breathe from his nostrils, caressing her ass, his moans and grunts of pleasure as he rimmed her, and the sight of his cock twitching, a drop of precum dripping from the tip onto his stomach. She also loved the sight of him bending his knees and squeezing his thighs together to try to achieve some sort of friction on his balls, since he couldn’t reach down to stroke himself. She wasn't sure what made her come so hard and fast, her own hand, or the sight of him squirming.

Negan was not so sure he was very fucking happy when she positioned herself between his legs, pulled his fingers off the headboard, and moved his bound hands above his chest. She proceeded to push his knees up, trapping them between his arms. “Can you hold these out of the way for me?” she teased as she gave him a sexy ass wink.

The position was new for him, and he found he felt a little fucking exposed. He also felt something which he didn’t quite want to admit to himself. He maybe felt a little fucking vulnerable, and it was a little fucking unsettling for him. He’d spread his legs for her before, he’d bent over for her before, but there was something about having all of his goods hanging out, while his hands were tied, which left him feeling a little uneasy. In his current position, he was totally at someone else’s mercy, because he was unable to move much at all. _Fuck._ His discomfort was heightened when she put her hand on the inside of one thigh, then the other, spreading them as far apart as the confines of his arms would allow. He opened and closed his mouth twice before he finally blurted out, “This is feeling a little fucking weird for me, Gigi.” _Fucking pussy._

His girl reached out to fondle his cock for a few seconds as she kept eye contact, then tugged at his balls for a few more, almost as if she hadn’t heard his confession of discomfort. Not responding because she hadn’t heard their safeword, he realized. Not responding, just as he would do if their positions were reversed. Fuck. There was a difference, though. Gigi would never voice her discomfort with him pushing her comfort lines because she trusted him.

She reached between her own legs to wet her fingertip before she circled the rim of his ass with just the right amount of pressure, making him pant loudly and then groan as he looked into her eyes. She softened her tone of voice to query, “You need to use your safeword, Negan?” she stopped her ministrations, keeping her finger firmly pressed to his rim.

“Fuck no!” he grunted adamantly, because he really fucking liked what she was doing to him. _I can suck this up for some prostate action._ He looked down at his own knees, right under his nose, giving his strange position a little “fuck you” in his mind, and then let his eyes drift shut at the sensation of his girl pushing her finger past his rim and brushing his prostate lightly to tease him.

“Good boy,” Gigi praised him in the same way he would when he dominated her, and her heart ached with love for him when a tiny, pleased with himself, cocky grin, took over his expression  as he lay with his eyes closed, her bad as boss man. She rewarded him by pressing more firmly as she massaged his sweet spot repeatedly, reveling in the sight of his cock leaking on his abdomen.

She licked and poked and prodded his ass in the best possible fucking way for several minutes before she slowed, murmuring wickedly, “Is there anything in particular you’d like me to do while I’m down here, boss man?”

“You know what I want, new girl,” he panted at her, pushing his head back into the pillow as she circled the sensitive gland inside him. “Ahhhh, fuck, Gigi!”

“Yes I do, Negan, but if you want it, you need to ask me for it,” she taunted as she stopped her stimulation of his prostate, leaving her finger inside him and twisting it to put pressure on his rim. She sucked one testicle, and then the other into her mouth and rolled them around together, lathing the underside of his sack with her tongue.

“Goddamn, woman! Fuck!” he groaned in response. “Come on, Gigi, just do it!”

“Oh, no, bossman. I think you need to remember who’s in charge right now. I wanna hear you talk dirty to me.” She pulled back a few inches, tugging his balls with her mouth and then letting them go before she ran her tongue over and under and around them before she again, sucked on one forcefully.

“Fuck, fuck, fucking, _fuck!_ ” he panted. “Suck me, Gigi! Please?”

“Uh uh, Negan. You know what I want to hear.”

He did. His girl liked to hear him describe, in dirty detail, what he liked her to do to him, and he usually didn’t mind telling her, except for the things which sounded fucking weird to his macho ears, like what he really wanted her to do to him now. He avoided talking about those things like the fucking plague. He knew her, though, and she was going to push him, so if he wanted a blow job, he better just get it over with. “I want you to suck my dick and play with my ass please, Gigi.” The demand may have been a little bit rushed, but he made sure to use the magic word, with only a little bit of attitude in his voice.

She licked at the spot at the base of his cock where his shaft met his ball sack, teasing him with the possibility of what was to come. “No, sir,” she cocked an eyebrow at him. “Not good enough.”

Gigi absolutely adored the way her man huffed at her with a frown, and gave her a little bit of a frustrated growl before he quieted for a moment. She waited, her core throbbing with anticipation at the prospect of what was going to come out of his mouth. She didn’t make him beg often, but when she did, she made sure it was good. Her big, strong, leader of the masses needed a half minute to get over himself and finally request, in a low gravelly voice he knew made her wet, “Can you _please_ suck my dick and finger fuck my ass?”

Negan was soooo fucking happy to watch his girl’s eyes flutter shut at the sound of his request. Her nostrils flared and her head lolled minutely as she purred at his dick, right under her nose. He was also happy when her mouth descended on the head of his cock, her tongue swirling around it lightly before she slid her lips down his shaft. Negan wasn’t so happy about the fact she only moved up and down his cock a half dozen times, sucking him forcefully, before she backed off. _Fuck. Fuck no. Fuck!_

“Hmmm,” she hummed dramatically as she pulled off of him and looked at his stomach as he groaned with discontent. “This is going to be a problem.” He raised his head, watching as she made a show of looking at the massive puddle of spunk on his stomach which he’d leaked while she stimulated his prostate. “Don’t want to get wet while I’m working.”

She moved her mouth back down his cock suddenly, with force, causing him to grunt, then pulled off him again with a shake of her head. Raising up on her knees and crawling up his chest, she swiped her fingers through the puddle on his belly between his thighs, then brought her fingers up to his mouth swiping a little bit of the fluid across his lips.

“Can you get rid of this for me?” she wrinkled her nose at him. I’m not in the mood for your spunk all over my face right now,” she shook her head at him with an exaggerated frown. “Actually, we both know I’m never in the mood for come on my face,” she laughed, referring to one of the few hard and fast rules she insisted on when they played. She held her fingers close to his lips as he frowned at her once again, eyeballing her fingers and then her as she touched the wet tips to his mouth with a grin.

“Seriously, … _Gigi?_ ” He grunted her name as she suddenly lowered herself and slid her wet pussy back and forth along the length of his cock where it lay on his abdomen.

“Okay, forget the blow job,” she commanded decisively. “I’ve found something better to do.” The force of her rocking increased on his erection, making him very, very fucking happy.

“You’re really gonna make me do that to get a blow job?” Negan tried really hard to look annoyed and disinterested at the same time, but the tease of her pussy running up and down the length of his shaft was making him think he’d do just about anything to get her lips wrapped around his cock again.

“Yep. Unless you want to use your safe word?” she stopped mid grind, her expression and tone of voice suddenly serious as she waited for his response. He wasn’t sure, watching her, if she was playing at being serious or actually serious. She reached down to his ass and gently pushed one of her wet fingers inside for a split second massage of his prostate as she looked at him innocently, then she abandoned his ass, sitting up straight and looking down at him, her eyebrows raised as she waited. She ran a finger through through the puddle on his stomach, drawing figure eights as his eyes followed her motions. They both knew the rules of their game, and they both took them very seriously. If the safe word was spoken, there was to be no judgement about how or when it was used.

Gigi wanted him to clean her fingers because she told him to. Because telling him what to do was seriously hot. It was even hotter when he complied. She could see why he got off on dominating her. Negan only wanted to clean her fingers because he wanted her to fucking suck his goddamn cock. “Bitch,” he taunted seriously, but not too seriously. He would never truly disrespect her, and she knew it.

Gigi spanked his ass with force in response, not once but twice, her wet hand making the impact sting. The effect was obvious on Negan’s face and the hitching of his breath, so she gave him one more smack for good measure before she rubbed and kneaded the area as if to soothe the sting away. “Is that anyway to talk to the only person in the room who can untie you?” she reminded him, the tone her voice making it clear she was absolutely serious. “You need to show me a little respect, Negan.” She demanded.

 _Unnnnggghhhhh. So fucking hot._ “Then earn it,” the boss man looked her in the eye, quirking an eyebrow at her as he challenged her.

Gigi’s response was immediate, and she laid a round of firm smacks on his ass, as she looked him in the eye. She aimed the last so it stung his balls as well.

Electricity coursed through Negan at the feel of the smack on his balls. _What the fuck?_ His cock twitched and throbbed as she laid another round on him, smacking the same spot on his cheek over and over again, intensifying the pain. The hits were methodical, in a slow rhythm, making it clear she wasn’t acting out of anger. She smirked at him before she landed a last stinging smack, this time on the sensitive flesh between his balls and his ass, making her boy writhe.

Gigi giggled mischievously at her favorite new pastime. Heat surged through her body, right down to her clit as she watched her nasty boy’s chest heave. “Let me hear it, Negan,” she ordered, having felt his muscles contracting with each impact, and knowing he was holding back his grunts and groans. She wanted to hear them. She physically needed to hear them. If he wouldn’t make some noise, she would force it out of him. Her knees at his side, she bent forward, lowering her lips so they were right over the head of his cock, sliding her tongue through the slit as she spanked him again.

 _Fuck her. Fuck. Her!_ He knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted to hear him making some pussy ass noises to turn her on. “Fuck!” the word escaped him in the form of a grunt as she sucked the head of his cock into her mouth, sucking with an insane amount of force, causing a sensation bordering between pleasure and pain, as she landed another stinging smack on his balls, just hard enough to absolutely fucking thrill him.  

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck._

She sucked, he groaned. She sucked, and he grunted. It got to the point where he couldn’t have controlled the sounds coming out of his mouth if he fucking tried. The pleasure and pain happening from the force of the suction was edging him towards and mind blowing climax, and he couldn’t fucking wait. She sucked only on the head of his cock, the ultimate fucking tease, making him want to beg her to move those soft, silky lips further down his dick. _Goddamn ... Fuck … Goddamn ... Fuck ... Goddamn … !_ He knew begging wouldn’t make a difference, though. There was only one thing she wanted from him. _Fuck._

“Give it to me, Gigi,” he demanded.

His girl stopped what she was doing and looked up at him, teasing, “Give you what, Negan?”

He stared at her for a moment before he flitted his eyes, with attitude, at the puddle on his stomach. Gigi ran two fingers through the fluid, bringing it to his closed lips, not so gently forcing them in between. Negan couldn’t say he loved the taste, but what he did love, was her forcing her way into his mouth. Showing him who was in control, his hot as fuck girl. He also loved the fact he knew she would start to suck his dick in reward for his compliance, any second now, because his girl always made good on her promises.

As if she could read his mind, she pulled her fingers out of his mouth, and used them to pull his cock down on a ninety degree angle from his body for better access, and announced, “I think my pussy tastes better, don’t you?”

Negan groaned at the thought as she started stroking his cock with her lips and her wet hand, sometimes sucking, sometimes not, stopping now and then to edge him, intensifying his pleasure. He looked down at her, admiring her as she worked, noting the end of her right arm resting on the back of his thigh while she sucked him, her embarrassment about her flawed arm seemingly forgotten.

__________

Negan was deliriously fucking happy by the time Gigi abandoned her blow job, yanked his legs out from between his arms and letting them fall to the bed like she couldn’t move them fast enough, then slid her pussy down on his dick, her head falling forward at the sensation of him filling her. He was even happier when she proceeded to ride him like a fucking mechanical bull. Her hips rolled in waves, her stomach and torso following their motion. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, as she pounded his ass into the fucking mattress.

She would fuck him, then stop for several beats, fuck him, then stop, once again edging him until he wanted to shout at her to keep her fucking ass moving. His need for release was almost painful, she had played him soooo fucking well. Again. He was a sweaty, moaning, groaning wreck, and he loved the fuck out of every second of it.

Gigi brought his wrists to her mouth during one of her breaks, her breathing heavy from her exertion as she used her teeth and the fingers of her left hand to untie him, kissing each wrist as she started moving again.

Just as she knew he would, the minute Negan’s hands were free, he grabbed her hips, pounding her down onto his cock, as hard as he could, lifting his ass off the bed to meet her. She cried out with each thrust, and he growled and grunted as he drove up into her, their pace increasing as he snaked one hand around the back of her neck during their fervor to pull her down to him as he continued to piston his hips. His grip on her effectually stopped her movement, so she hovered over him on her elbow and knees. He held her close, their breath, and moans caressing each others’ lips in between deep kisses, as Negan thrust harder and faster up into her. Gigi's eyes closed with the overwhelming sensation of him taking over, the focus for pleasure switching to her.

Opening her eyes she smiled down at him, before she started to moan and mewl with the force of his thrusts and the drag of his cock on her clit. Pulling his hand from the back of her neck and moving it to her chest, she splayed his fingers across her breast bone, using them to stabilize herself, resting some of her weight on his hand. Her left hand moved between her legs, and Negan cursed like a sailor at the sight when she started to play with her clit while he fucked up into her as hard and fast as he could.

He needed to fucking come like a fish fucking needed water, but he could see her discomfort and frustration in her expression as she tried to brace herself with the end of her right arm on the mattress. Pulling his hand off her hip, he ran it down her short arm, gently lifting it up off the bed. “Here, new girl,” he growled at her, still in his frenzy, tapping the fingers of his supporting hand on her collarbone. “Put your weight here. I’ve got you.” Pushing his hand more firmly into her chest, and keeping her in place with the hand around her neck, he felt her weight settle down onto his palm as she relaxed into him at his command.

Gigi’s frustration disappeared instantly, and was replaced with pure, raw emotion as she felt Negan take on her weight as he continued to thrust up into her hard and fast. She couldn’t stop herself from whimpering emotionally as her love for the man beneath her made her feel as if her heart would melt onto the fingers which rested against it. She raised her face above his a few inches, wanting to look him in the eye as she came, wanting to share it with him.

Negan was right fucking with her as he felt the signs of her approaching orgasm. His cock was going to fucking explode any second, but he wanted her to come first, his beautiful, fucking brave girl. “I've got you, Gigi,” he repeated, because he needed her to know. “Always.”

His girl imploded before his eyes at his words, her pelvis tilting inward as her head and shoulders did the same. She shook with her release, her eyes going wide and then struggling not to close with the force of it, but she managed to keep eye contact, just for him.

He was smiling like a fucking loon as she descended on him for a hungry kiss as she rode out her orgasm, snaking her tongue into his mouth, because he’d told her her dominating kisses made him fucking crazy. It had the desired effect, and Negan came, long and hard and loud, making her smile against his lips. He finally relaxed down into the bed, after a job well fucking done, if he did say so himself.

They panted, and they groaned, and they sighed, running their fingertips over each other lightly as they recovered from their workout. Gigi lay on his chest, her head in the crook of his neck, not hiding in shame this time, but seeking the warmth and comfort of him. As she started to doze off, she heard him murmur to her as he kissed the top of her head, “I've always fucking got you, Gigi. Always. Don’t _ever_ forget it.”

Negan felt his girl give a small nod as four fingers moved to rest vertically on his lips as she praised him, “My good boy.”

____________

Gigi woke up alone in their bed the next morning at the sound of a knock on the bedroom door. She grinned at the memory of the previous night’s fun as she glanced at the clock on her nightstand. She frowned, and then smiled when she read eleven fifteen. Her boss man must have turned off her alarm, knowing it was the only way she would sleep in.

“Mom? You up?” Red called through the door, knocking again.

“Yes, sweetheart!” she called to him. “Give me a minute.” Grabbing her robe from the chair next to the bed, she pulled it around herself and tied it before she called, “Come in!”

“Hey mom,” her son started as he entered the room. “You have some people here to see you.”

“People?” she couldn’t imagine who had come to the apartment to see her. “I’ll be right out,” she informed him as she turned him by the shoulders and pushed him towards the door. She dressed quickly in jeans and a tank top. Looking at herself in the mirror as she ran her fingers through her hair. She looked like she’d been “rode hard and put away wet”, as Negan would tell her after they’d had a particularly rambunctious tumble in the sack, always sounding proud of himself for being the cause. She didn’t think twice about heading out into the living room without putting a long sleeved shirt on over her tank top to cover her arm, because the only person who’s opinion she had worried about had shown her the night before he loved her just the way she was. She grinned at the thought.

“‘Bout time, woman!” Slug gave her a hard time, approaching her with a smile as she walked out of the bedroom. The rest of her original Special Ops team, along with Stevie and Elena, sat in the living area, talking and laughing. “Look at you!” her friend whispered to her as he gave her a hug, referring to her new found courage in showing her bare arm. “Ooooh, you smell like eau de fuck!” he purred quietly, for only their ears, as he sniffed her loudly. “So that’s what he smells like naked?” he joked as he breathed her in once more with a sigh, making Gigi laugh out loud as she pushed him away from her and kept walking to greet everyone else on the other side of the room.

“Hey, Gigi!” Reg greeted her. “Here! Have a seat.” The woman scooted herself over on the couch, away from Laura, patting the empty space between them.

“Thanks, Reg,” Gigi declined, not wanting anyone else to recognize the scent of her sexcapades with Negan from the night before. “I’m good standing. What’s going on?” She looked around the group curiously, her eyes landing on Laura, then Tayvon, who motioned to Slug behind her. Her friend was making notes on a clipboard when she turned to look at him expectantly.

“Okay, everyone,!” He finally looked up, his tone serious. “I have, in my hot little hands … ” He shook the clipboard dramatically, looking at Gigi as he continued, “your training schedule for the next few weeks. On weekdays, each of the people here will work with you in two hours blocks, to help you relearn any and of all your life skills, using your left hand.” He was all business as he continued, “Elena will work with you on knife throwing, Tayvon on sharp shooting, Stevie on knife fighting … Regina and I will teach hand to hand combat slash martial arts … the rest of list of who will help you with what, is here on page one.” He flipped back to the first page, tapping it with his finger. “The schedule is on page two for the next two weeks, and as we figure out your strengths and weaknesses we’ll add or subtract hours from the blocks of time based on your needs.

“The commander in chief,” he went on, referring to the leader of the Sanctuary, “has insisted your day be limited to nine hours,  with a sixty minute break in the middle of the day, in case he needs _fucking quality time with his wife for lunch_ … his words not mine.”

Everyone in the room laughed, with the exception of Gigi’s children, Elena muttering, “Too much info, Slug!” making everyone crack up again. Red, who was sitting at the dining room table with a snack, covered his ears, and shook his head.

“You are not to work longer days, or work weekends, or he’ll kick my _scrawny fucking ass_.” He looked at her pointedly before informing her, “You’ll start tomorrow at six. Any questions?” he asked her, handing her the pages after pulling them off his clipboard.

Gigi looked at the pages, then at Slug, overwhelmed at what lay in front of her on the pages. “But what about your training? Shouldn’t we do this when you aren’t working?” she contested as she looked around the room at her friends and family, not wanting to cause disruption in their work schedules.

Liz waved the index finger of her left hand back and forth, signing “no”. “We’ve worked it out Gigi. Everyone has volunteered to work some extra hours each week so these team members can take the time to work with you.”

Gigi looked down at the pages in her hand, then back at the group, tears forming in her eyes. For each area of training, they had paired her with the person who was strongest at the skill. The thought they had all volunteered to work extra hours to help her, hurt her heart in the best way. The thought of Negan, getting up early to approach Liz and Slug, because he knew she hesitated to ask for help, and the fact  her friends had dropped what they were doing to come up with a schedule to help her, made her want to weep with gratitude. She couldn’t speak, overwhelmed with emotion, so she simply nodded, using the back of her hand to wipe the tears off her cheeks before she held four fingers over her lips to show them how touched she was.

____________

“New girl to Negan. Come in Negan!” Gigi’s chipper voice came over the boss’s walkie at eleven forty five, as he walked the perimeter of the Sanctuary’s property with Simon, going over business as they moved.

“Good morning, new girl,” he responded after pulling the gadget off his belt. “Did you get enough sleep?” The big boss smirked at the thought of her riding him like a rodeo bull the night before.

“I did, boss man. You?”

“I slept like a fucking log!” he chuckled before he got down to business. “Is there something I can help you with, Gigi?”

“Yes, there is. I need you to meet me at the apartment right away, Negan, as long as you aren’t in the middle of something important?”

The big boss looked at his second in command with raised eyebrows, wondering what could be so important she’d interrupt his work day. It wasn’t like her. Simon waved him off with one hand, letting him know there was nothing pressing to go over, and he’d finish the perimeter check on his own.

“I’ll be right there,” he informed her, watching as Simon continued to walk down the fence line before the big boss turned towards the nearest door to factory.

________

“What’s going on, Gigi?” Negan called to her as he entered the apartment, making his way to the master bedroom since the living room was empty. He’d begun to worry as he’d made his way upstairs, wondering if something about her meeting with Slug and company had upset her. But she had sounded chipper over the walkie.

“Hey, boss man!” His girl came out of their bathroom, in her cargos and tank top, which made him smile a big, toothy fucking grin at her new found self confidence.

Gigi strode over to him, wrapping one arm around his neck and resting the end of the other on his shoulder, and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him deeply. Negan relaxed into her instantly, completely engaging despite his surprise, and his curiosity about the cause of her need to see him immediately, and her sexy ass kiss. She tasted minty, and she smelled fruity, thanks to Peggy’s berry infused soaps, and was a veritable feast for his fucking senses. One whiff and taste of his girl, and the whole world melted the fuck away, and his dick started to get hard. _Still fucking whipped. Whipped as all fucking get out._

Finally pulling back from him, her breathing heavy at their mini make out session, his wife informed him with a grin, “I just wanted to say thank you for organizing some help for me.” Reaching down between them, she forced her hand into the front of his pants and began to fondle his cock and balls inside his boxers. He unwittingly shifted one foot apart from the other at the sensation, giving her more room to work.

“That’s a really nice fucking thank you, Gigi,” he acknowledged as he kissed her again, long and hard, invading her mouth with his tongue so he could taste her again, taking his girl over to let her know how much he liked her sexy fucking appreciation.

“Oh, this thank you is going to get even better, boss man,” she murmured against his lips as she pulled her hand from his pants and began to unbuckle his belt. “You have a few minutes?”

“I always have time for you, Gigi.” he nuzzled her cheek with his nose affectionately before he licked the corner of her mouth. His interest in what she was doing piqued as she lowered his fly and began pushing his pants and boxers down one hip. Without thinking, he grabbed the other side of the clothing and helped her, watching the clothes drop to the ground once they slid down past his thighs.

“I love you, you know,” she looked up at him, admiration and devotion written all over her face as she pressed her lips to his once more, oh so softly as she stroked his shaft firmly.

“What a fan-fucking-tastic way to show me, new girl!”

Gigi backed away from him a half step, and Negan’s heart fucking crawled into his throat as she lowered herself to her knees in front of him, and started to nuzzle his balls and shaft with her nose, his amazing fucking wife. They had been together for a dozen years, and because of what had happened to her before they met, she’d never given him a blow job on her knees. After she’d explained why she couldn’t kneel for him, all those years ago, he would have never asked her to do it, and she had never offered. This moment was fucking huge, for both of them.

He wanted to ask her if she was sure, but he didn’t.

He wanted to say, “You don’t have to do this.” But he didn’t.

He didn’t, because he knew his girl never did anything she didn’t want to do. Raising her chin with his index finger and thumb, he gently forced her to look at him. He rubbed his thumb across her lips several times before he confessed to her, with more than a little bit of emotion in his voice, “You take my breath away, Gigi. Not just right now, but every single fucking day.”

“Show me,” she ordered softly as she caressed the back of his thigh with her hand, and without intention he did, his breath hitching as she slid her lips down over the tip of his cock, and down the length of his shaft suddenly and firmly, without using her hand as a bumper to keep him in the shallow zone. She didn't stop until the sensitive head hit the back of her mouth, taking him deeper than she ever had before. He groaned, adding a little “fuck” at the end, because he just fucking had to. She repeated the divinity, again and again, without hesitation, with a technique which told him she had been very practiced at it in the past, before she had been forced to do it in such a horrific way, for such horrific fucking bastards.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her, watching her with awe as she worked her fucking magic on him, each slide into her mouth letting him move a bit deeper, towards her throat. “Fucking amazing, Gigi! _Fuck! … Fuck! … Fuck!_ ” He rewarded her efforts with a continuous string of grunts, groans, moans and “fuck”s.

Gigi could read the anticipation all over him, for what could, possibly, maybe come next, and she wouldn’t disappoint him. He was wearing her favorite ‘crazy with lust’ look in his eyes, along with wonder and a little bit of emotion, her big tough boss man, which fueled her desire to give her absolute best to him.

Negan didn't have to work at showing Gigi the effect she had on him, his groans of pleasure and his swearing becoming louder as she moved her lips up and down his cock. Slowly but surely she moved so he slid down the back of her mouth, and finally he breached her throat, all because she wanted him to. He knew she wanted to move him further down her throat because he stood perfectly still for her so she was in total control of the depth. It was the least he could fucking do. He cupped her chin in his palm, running his thumb along her jawline with one hand, as the other rested gently on her shoulder, caressing it, and the side of her neck as he grunted, and panted in the same rhythm as she moved, because her full lips felt so fucking good wrapped around his shaft, and his dick felt so good sliding down her throat. She looked up at him as she worked his cock, his awesome, brave, strong as fuck, sexy, fucking girl, winking at him after she gagged and sputtered a little bit, letting him know she was okay.

It was all over in a few, short minutes, because he was so fucking turned on by her expertise, and the sight of her on her knees for him and him alone. He was driven to the edge with the speed and force of a fucking meteor.

“I'm gonna come, Gigi! _Fuuuck_!” he warned her loudly as he threw his head back at the peak of his pleasure, spewing a string of obscenities before he laughed a little maniacally in absolute pleasure at magnitude of the orgasm which had just about knocked him off his feet and her grand gesture of swallowing every last drop of his seed, keeping his cock in her mouth until the torrent ended.

Gigi held on to him to keep him steady until he settled, finally rising up from her knees to stand in front of him. “Boy, I really do take your breath away, don’t I?” she joked softly, listening to him pant. She was more than a little pleased at the effect she’d had on him, and tucked the highlights of her luciously deep blow job into her mental repertoire book along with his other favorites.

“Yeah, you do,” Negan growled at her, suddenly bending at the knees to wrap his arms around the back of her thighs and lifting her off the ground. His wife squealed in response as he carried her to their bed where he dropped her on the mattress on her back and proceeded to open her cargo pants and yank them down her legs, along with her underwear.

“Don’t you have to get back to work?” she questioned him. “ _Ahhh!_ I guess not!” she answered her own question as her boss man flipped her onto her stomach and pulled her hips back to him a bit and up, wanting to raise her pussy and ass off the bed so he could access both the front and back of her.

Diving in between her folds, the boss man’s lust was fueled when he found her already soaked. It was just the reassurance he needed to let him know she was not only okay with what she had done, but had enjoyed the hell out of it.

“Fuck, Negan! Oh my God! _Oh my God!_ ” she cried out as he moved a broad tongue back and forth on the tip of her clit with just the right amount of pressure.

He chuckled against her folds as she swore, and he stopped his tongue lashing long enough to approve. “Good girl, Gigi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have my Walker Stalker Cruise cabin and airline ticket to Tampa purchased, and my photo ops with our boy JDM and my other boy, Norman Reedus. Anyone else going?


End file.
